Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(NJ.com)   Things that are squirrels: squirrels. Things that are not squirrels: Lincoln Navigators   (nj.com) divider line 36
    More: Dumbass, Lincoln Navigator, squirrels, telephone poles, vineland  
•       •       •

5433 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Apr 2014 at 5:38 PM (50 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



36 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-04-11 03:49:29 PM  
pretentioussoda.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-04-11 04:51:37 PM  
I have seen squirrels driving them, though
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2014-04-11 04:56:37 PM  
Was the squirrel OK?
 
2014-04-11 05:10:56 PM  
Wait, say that again...


*taking notes*
 
2014-04-11 05:14:13 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-04-11 05:43:53 PM  
The car then flipped onto its side, becoming airborne for a moment, and struck a telephone pole, according to police.
A Millville police officer was nearby and witnessed the accident, reports indicated.


The report did not include the 10 minutes of continuous, side-splitting laughter from said Millville police officer...
 
2014-04-11 05:44:53 PM  
In one of the jurisdictions I practice in, if you don't make contact and your insurance policy requires contact with a hazard you aren't covered. I hope for her sake that her insurer isn't as big of a dick as my clients are.
 
2014-04-11 05:46:05 PM  
cdn10.mixrmedia.com

/upbligatory
 
2014-04-11 05:49:22 PM  
Things I actively try to avoid hitting: potholes, debris, large animals, people

Squirrels and birds? If they can't move out of the way in time they can kiss their ass goodbye. To be fair I will slow down to give them more time to get away but I'm not going risk wrecking my vehicle for one.
 
2014-04-11 05:49:55 PM  
I've killed more than forty of the tree rat bastards in the last month.
Fark with my pecan crop, I'll take out your entire rat family.
 
2014-04-11 05:52:38 PM  
So, 'Squirrel-Qaeda' trifecta now in play?
 
2014-04-11 05:53:14 PM  
If she was driving a Lincoln what do people from upper township drive?
 
2014-04-11 05:54:04 PM  
I thought we had a deal!
 
2014-04-11 06:02:47 PM  
tiwibzone.tiwib.netdna-cdn.com
 
2014-04-11 06:06:47 PM  

MechaPyx: Things I actively try to avoid hitting: potholes, debris, large animals, people

Squirrels and birds? If they can't move out of the way in time they can kiss their ass goodbye. To be fair I will slow down to give them more time to get away but I'm not going risk wrecking my vehicle for one.


Yeah, this.
 
2014-04-11 06:16:26 PM  

MechaPyx: Things I actively try to avoid hitting: potholes, debris, large animals, people

Squirrels and birds? If they can't move out of the way in time they can kiss their ass goodbye. To be fair I will slow down to give them more time to get away but I'm not going risk wrecking my vehicle for one.


This^

I don't want to harm any animals, but no farking way I'll cause a traffic accident just to save a squirrel. Now, a moose, or something big enough to go through my windshield, I'm gonna swerve.
 
2014-04-11 06:19:49 PM  
Um, guy. Don't shoot the messenger but that's not a squirrel. And that's not its mouth you're shoving walnuts in.
 
2014-04-11 06:22:08 PM  
This WAS my moms Navigator.  She now understands that they are not meant for off road.

i242.photobucket.com
 
2014-04-11 06:24:55 PM  
As she was driving, Lt. Jody Farabella said, a squirrel ran into the road and she swerved out of its way.

Whew, that was a close one. I had a squirrel collide with my car once. Totaled the car and nearly killed me.
 
2014-04-11 06:26:36 PM  

noblewolf: This WAS my moms Navigator.  She now understands that they are not meant for off road.


You can't just post that and walk away...
Do tell!

// more like your mom wasn't meant for off road?
 
2014-04-11 06:27:00 PM  
CSB: 2nd Creek (the old race track near Denver International) used to have a huge problem with rabbits. A woman attending a Porsche school swerved to avoid one, and rolled her 911 several times, turning it into a lumpy ball o' steel. After that, the drivers' meetings concluded with the track manager describing the correct action, by reciting the classic line from "What's Opera Doc?"

/Probably more of an issue for the moto guys
 
2014-04-11 06:27:47 PM  

noblewolf: This WAS my moms Navigator.  She now understands that they are not meant for off road.


Better than my mom's new Jeep Liberty, which she managed to drive straight into the garage door in week 2 of ownership...

Seriously, I love my mom, but come on, Mom!
 
2014-04-11 06:28:27 PM  

That Guy What Stole the Bacon: noblewolf: This WAS my moms Navigator.  She now understands that they are not meant for off road.

Better than my mom's new Jeep Liberty, which she managed to drive straight into the garage door in week 2 of ownership...

Seriously, I love my mom, but come on, Mom!


This was while moving forward, by the way.
 
2014-04-11 06:30:57 PM  
wise.
a squirrel tap at highway speeds would be unpleasant.
 
2014-04-11 06:39:32 PM  
Better than crashing for a pigeon. It would require very tiny instruments to fix one of those.
 
2014-04-11 06:44:04 PM  

Sticky Hands: wise.
a squirrel tap at highway speeds would be unpleasant.


Naw, they just make a "thump!" sound and you hose off your wheels later....
 
2014-04-11 06:46:54 PM  
Ok here is the story.  Mom was going to the store to pick up some groceries, before she left my dad left a rubber grip tool on the hood to remind him to change the oil.  Mom got in and headed down the driveway when she saw the tool sitting there.  She stopped the navigator, put it in park, and got out to remove the tool.  When she was out and around the door reaching over the hood, the car started to roll forward.  (Let me say now that she "Thought" she put it in park)  As the car started to move forward she jumped backwards to avoid being run over.  She then tried to get back into the car through the open door.  Well what do most people reach for when getting into a large vehicle, thats right, the steering wheel.  When this happened she pulled the wheel to the left trying to pull her self in, which caused the wheels to turn left, which caused the steering wheel to rotate counter clockwise, causing her to reach up again onto the steering wheel, well you get the idea...  The car went off the road, down the embankment and off a small ledge into the creek there.  I would have made it much better if she had at least said "TaDa!!!"

i242.photobucket.com

As you can see it was a few years ago, but we still tease her about it to this day...
 
2014-04-11 06:53:40 PM  
I was a pizza driver for a few years in my youth and the only animal I ever actually came in contact with was a deer. In town. On an icy hill. As deer like to do, it tore out into the road just as I got to it, but I only gave it a bruise.

Squirrels usually dart all the way across, but if they stop they are very likely to run back in the direction they came from.

Cats are extremely unpredictable; the only way to assure their safety is to aim for them. I kid you not; it worked every time. Just don't hit the gas and they'll be fine.

The weirdest critters I came across were opossums. They would end up in the middle of a road after dark and face away from the headlight so you couldn't see the eye shine. There coat allowed them to blend in with the road and they would just sit there. I would never "see" them, but I'd always get a sense of motion in the distance. After a couple of years of pizza delivery I relied heavily on my instincts, so I'd stop and try to figure out what was going on. After a moment the little bastard would turn and glare at me and tromp off the road. The same thing happened to me about 3 times.
 
2014-04-11 06:53:50 PM  
Here is the wrecker they had to bring in to get it out.  Took them almost 3 hrs.

i242.photobucket.com
 
2014-04-11 07:00:02 PM  
Hope the dumb biatch loses her license.  I was hit head on by an idiot who swerved to avoid a squirrel.
 
2014-04-11 07:02:18 PM  
americas-best.com
 
2014-04-11 07:06:57 PM  

noblewolf: Ok here is the story.  Mom was going to the store to pick up some groceries, before she left my dad left a rubber grip tool on the hood to remind him to change the oil.  Mom got in and headed down the driveway when she saw the tool sitting there.  She stopped the navigator, put it in park, and got out to remove the tool.  When she was out and around the door reaching over the hood, the car started to roll forward.  (Let me say now that she "Thought" she put it in park)  As the car started to move forward she jumped backwards to avoid being run over.  She then tried to get back into the car through the open door.  Well what do most people reach for when getting into a large vehicle, thats right, the steering wheel.  When this happened she pulled the wheel to the left trying to pull her self in, which caused the wheels to turn left, which caused the steering wheel to rotate counter clockwise, causing her to reach up again onto the steering wheel, well you get the idea...  The car went off the road, down the embankment and off a small ledge into the creek there.  I would have made it much better if she had at least said "TaDa!!!"

[i242.photobucket.com image 600x800]

As you can see it was a few years ago, but we still tease her about it to this day...


Well see, it did just fine off road, however it is the creek it can't handle.  Off road can mean a wide range of terrain challenges.  Those trucks can do just fine in the woods, but they aren't climbing a rock challenges or water crossings.  However, with a driver is suggested.

As for the article, are they really suggesting the truck was on its side BEFORE it went airborne and hitting an utility pole, or did it really went airborne, hit an utility pole, and then landed on its side.  I going with the later, because the former seems highly unlikely.
 
2014-04-11 07:43:19 PM  
I hit a deer going from Millville to Bridgeton last year. I didn't do that much damage to the car, but it was interesting watching the deer go sliding across the pavement as far as it did. My GF was more upset about the dead deer than she was about her broken car.
 
2014-04-11 08:25:09 PM  

firegoat: I hit a deer going from Millville to Bridgeton last year. I didn't do that much damage to the car, but it was interesting watching the deer go sliding across the pavement as far as it did. My GF was more upset about the dead deer than she was about her broken car.


Mmmm...venison!

Just pick out the gravel
 
2014-04-11 10:23:20 PM  
They cute little guys.
 
2014-04-12 02:01:40 AM  
img.fark.net
 
Displayed 36 of 36 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report