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(Kansas City)   Humans locked in cages while the apes run free. And so it begins   (kansascity.com) divider line 54
    More: Scary, Randy Wisthoff, Kansas City Zoo, apes, family members  
•       •       •

7018 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Apr 2014 at 2:05 AM (36 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



54 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2014-04-10 11:59:36 PM  
Help! The human's about to escape.
i1.ytimg.com
Get your paws off me, you dirty ape!
 
2014-04-11 12:06:08 AM  

farkingismybusiness: Help! The human's about to escape.
[i1.ytimg.com image 850x637]
Get your paws off me, you dirty ape!


he can talk he can talk he can talk he can talk!
 
2014-04-11 12:13:16 AM  
So when do we get to see Charlton Heston make out with a simian?
 
2014-04-11 12:13:38 AM  

germ78: farkingismybusiness: Help! The human's about to escape.
[i1.ytimg.com image 850x637]
Get your paws off me, you dirty ape!

he can talk he can talk he can talk he can talk!


I can SIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!
 
2014-04-11 12:23:03 AM  
Only one way to take care of a rabid ape.

michaelcopponex.files.wordpress.com

Well, two. He could run for GOP office.
 
2014-04-11 01:01:25 AM  

farkingismybusiness: germ78: farkingismybusiness: Help! The human's about to escape.
[i1.ytimg.com image 850x637]
Get your paws off me, you dirty ape!

he can talk he can talk he can talk he can talk!

I can SIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!


Help me Dr. Zaius!
 
2014-04-11 01:12:36 AM  
www.matteworld.com
 
2014-04-11 01:13:05 AM  

Mentat: Help me Dr. Zaius!


♫ Help Obi-Wan Kenobi! You're my only hope! ♫

images.amcnetworks.com

I miss Star Wars. Those red shirts were awesome.
 
2014-04-11 01:30:54 AM  
Is this story about everyone getting TotalFark for a day?
 
2014-04-11 01:36:12 AM  

fusillade762: Is this story about everyone getting TotalFark for a day?


*Throws poo*
 
2014-04-11 01:48:20 AM  
Why am I allowed to see the greenlit articles?
 
2014-04-11 01:49:46 AM  
Wait, how did I get TF without any notice or message or anything?

/hrmph
//not complaining
 
2014-04-11 01:52:09 AM  
OK... I should visit the main page every now and then, instead of leaping straight for the politics tab like a bull at the gate.
 
v15
2014-04-11 02:11:52 AM  
The "We Did It" from 12 Monkeys comes to mind
 
2014-04-11 02:14:47 AM  

Mr. Bungle At Work: So when do we get to see Charlton Heston make out with a simian?


4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-04-11 02:18:20 AM  

Mr. Bungle At Work: So when do we get to see Charlton Heston make out with a simian?


i.imgur.com

Pictured: Charlton Heston
 
2014-04-11 02:20:57 AM  

hardinparamedic: Mentat: Help me Dr. Zaius!

♫ Help Obi-Wan Kenobi! You're my only hope! ♫

[images.amcnetworks.com image 500x313]

I miss Star Wars. Those red shirts were awesome.


upload.wikimedia.org

I don't know, it wasn't just the clothes that drew me into Farscape.
 
2014-04-11 02:21:33 AM  

CygnusDarius: hardinparamedic: Mentat: Help me Dr. Zaius!

♫ Help Obi-Wan Kenobi! You're my only hope! ♫

[images.amcnetworks.com image 500x313]

I miss Star Wars. Those red shirts were awesome.

[upload.wikimedia.org image 640x480]

I don't know, it wasn't just the clothes that drew me into Farscape Star Wars.


FTFM.

/YOU SAW NOTHING
 
2014-04-11 02:28:00 AM  
I mean seriously, isn't it about time we get rid of things like "zoos" and you know, actually give a fark about the environment, and animal habitat, so we can ensure we really don't need things like zoos?

Yes, I await an irate zoo employee's reply or something.
 
v15
2014-04-11 02:28:10 AM  

CygnusDarius: CygnusDarius: hardinparamedic: Mentat: Help me Dr. Zaius!

♫ Help Obi-Wan Kenobi! You're my only hope! ♫

[images.amcnetworks.com image 500x313]

I miss Star Wars. Those red shirts were awesome.

[upload.wikimedia.org image 640x480]

I don't know, it wasn't just the clothes that drew me into Farscape Star Wars.

FTFM.

/YOU SAW NOTHING


Red 3 Standing By!
Red 6 Standing By!
Red 5 Standing By!
Red Button standing by!
Red Foxx Standing By!
Big Red Standing By!
Red October Standing By!
Helen Reddy Standing By!
Simply Red Standing By!
 
2014-04-11 02:29:19 AM  
And it was still safer than free admission day a few weeks back.
 
2014-04-11 02:30:16 AM  
Clever indeed. I read a story a couple of years ago where the monkeys at some zoo here in the states got annoyed at being gawked at all day. The ringleader built a little mound of debris closer to the fence. He sneakily hoarded stones behind the mound. The day came when they had a high volume of traffic of visitors and he unleashed the arsenal on the visitors. Much more humorous than I can relate.
 
2014-04-11 02:42:41 AM  
What's the Matter With Kansas?
 
2014-04-11 02:43:36 AM  

DeltaPunch: Wait, how did I get TF without any notice or message or anything?


We are all TFers now. Though for how long remains a mystery.
 
2014-04-11 03:02:07 AM  
IT'S A MADHOUSE
 
2014-04-11 03:17:34 AM  

v15: CygnusDarius: CygnusDarius: hardinparamedic: Mentat: Help me Dr. Zaius!

♫ Help Obi-Wan Kenobi! You're my only hope! ♫

[images.amcnetworks.com image 500x313]

I miss Star Wars. Those red shirts were awesome.

[upload.wikimedia.org image 640x480]

I don't know, it wasn't just the clothes that drew me into Farscape Star Wars.

FTFM.

/YOU SAW NOTHING

Red 3 Standing By!
Red 6 Standing By!
Red 5 Standing By!
Red Button standing by!
Red Foxx Standing By!
Big Red Standing By!
Red October Standing By!
Helen Reddy Standing By!
Simply Red Standing By!


pull up porkins!
 
2014-04-11 03:46:57 AM  

DeltaPunch: Wait, how did I get TF without any notice or message or anything?

/hrmph
//not complaining


Yeah, it's weird.  The Forbidden City is suddenly open.

I think this is FARKs version of this:

content8.flixster.com
 
2014-04-11 03:52:36 AM  

Harry_Seldon: What's the Matter With Kansas?


They put it in Missouri. And they won't give it back.
 
2014-04-11 03:54:57 AM  

Harry_Seldon: What's the Matter With Kansas?


Allot.
 
2014-04-11 04:04:07 AM  
This is just GORILLA marketing for the new Planet of the Apes Movie.

/Runs
 
2014-04-11 04:07:48 AM  

whidbey: I mean seriously, isn't it about time we get rid of things like "zoos" and you know, actually give a fark about the environment, and animal habitat, so we can ensure we really don't need things like zoos?

Yes, I await an irate zoo employee's reply or something.


Tell ya what, lover; when we can do something about POACHERS and people who need to eat bush meat in order to survive, THEN we won't need zoos. Environment and habitat are a distant third and fourth after poaching and hunting as to why so many animal species are on the decline nowadays.

Not that you're wrong, but as recent mountain lion attacks, bear attacks, gator attacks and coyote predation has shown right here in California; the only thing you really need to do is stop hunting the things. After that, they figure out habitat all by themselves.
 
2014-04-11 04:20:02 AM  

Gyrfalcon: whidbey: I mean seriously, isn't it about time we get rid of things like "zoos" and you know, actually give a fark about the environment, and animal habitat, so we can ensure we really don't need things like zoos?

Yes, I await an irate zoo employee's reply or something.

Tell ya what, lover; when we can do something about POACHERS and people who need to eat bush meat in order to survive, THEN we won't need zoos. Environment and habitat are a distant third and fourth after poaching and hunting as to why so many animal species are on the decline nowadays.

Not that you're wrong, but as recent mountain lion attacks, bear attacks, gator attacks and coyote predation has shown right here in California; the only thing you really need to do is stop hunting the things. After that, they figure out habitat all by themselves.


Sport hunting is vital to maintaining wildlife. Note I said sport hunting which is not poaching or for food. Those are what harms populations. The best thing we can do to save the rhinos,tigers, elephants etc is to shoot Chinese men. I'm not even kidding. Thier limp dicks are driving poaching.
 
2014-04-11 04:44:06 AM  
Zoos serve the purpose of showing us WHY we should work to protect these amazing animals in the wild.
 
2014-04-11 04:58:57 AM  

Gyrfalcon: whidbey: I mean seriously, isn't it about time we get rid of things like "zoos" and you know, actually give a fark about the environment, and animal habitat, so we can ensure we really don't need things like zoos?

Yes, I await an irate zoo employee's reply or something.

Tell ya what, lover; when we can do something about POACHERS and people who need to eat bush meat in order to survive, THEN we won't need zoos. Environment and habitat are a distant third and fourth after poaching and hunting as to why so many animal species are on the decline nowadays.

Not that you're wrong, but as recent mountain lion attacks, bear attacks, gator attacks and coyote predation has shown right here in California; the only thing you really need to do is stop hunting the things. After that, they figure out habitat all by themselves.


Not true. There's all kinds of animals dying off. No one's poaching the Drill Dick shiatfly or the Poisonous Stink Frog. But they're dying just the same as the Amazon is being clear cut, wetlands dried out, and dreadlocks shaved off for that office job. Europe is actually doing a pretty bang up job of re-breeding the mighty aurochs, and they're going to re-release them into the wild to aid with re-forestation efforts.

Turns out, the world needs megafauna for their fertilizer and brush trimming. Also, there's many places where everything is going to shiat because there's no predators or nature anymore. Part of the reason CCD is a problem is the mono-culture of modern agriculture means that bees have inconsistent food supply. This means that they're left far more vulnerable to diseases and pesticides than they would have been back when wild flowers would bloom all year round.

Habitat is one of the primary things we've lost, and the poaching is just a function of that. If the humans had to walk farking far to get to the elephants, they wouldn't be poaching them unless they were rich enough to take time off survival to go on a merry hunting trip. As it is, they're basically the poor next door to the nature reserves doing the poaching. Same with other places. No one's going all the way to Antarctica to grab a penguin. But if they have monkeys in their back yard....
 
2014-04-11 05:00:38 AM  

doglover: Gyrfalcon: whidbey: I mean seriously, isn't it about time we get rid of things like "zoos" and you know, actually give a fark about the environment, and animal habitat, so we can ensure we really don't need things like zoos?

Yes, I await an irate zoo employee's reply or something.

Tell ya what, lover; when we can do something about POACHERS and people who need to eat bush meat in order to survive, THEN we won't need zoos. Environment and habitat are a distant third and fourth after poaching and hunting as to why so many animal species are on the decline nowadays.

Not that you're wrong, but as recent mountain lion attacks, bear attacks, gator attacks and coyote predation has shown right here in California; the only thing you really need to do is stop hunting the things. After that, they figure out habitat all by themselves.

Not true. There's all kinds of animals dying off. No one's poaching the Drill Dick shiatfly or the Poisonous Stink Frog. But they're dying just the same as the Amazon is being clear cut, wetlands dried out, and dreadlocks shaved off for that office job. Europe is actually doing a pretty bang up job of re-breeding the mighty aurochs, and they're going to re-release them into the wild to aid with re-forestation efforts.

Turns out, the world needs megafauna for their fertilizer and brush trimming. Also, there's many places where everything is going to shiat because there's no predators or nature anymore. Part of the reason CCD is a problem is the mono-culture of modern agriculture means that bees have inconsistent food supply. This means that they're left far more vulnerable to diseases and pesticides than they would have been back when wild flowers would bloom all year round.

Habitat is one of the primary things we've lost, and the poaching is just a function of that. If the humans had to walk farking far to get to the elephants, they wouldn't be poaching them unless they were rich enough to take time off survival to go on a merry hunting trip ...


Check it.
 
2014-04-11 05:34:41 AM  
"Get your hands off me, you dirty ape!"

On another note, gawd, I really hate liters on this site.  I'm total fark, biatches!
 
2014-04-11 05:36:40 AM  
*spoiler alert*

We've been on earth the whole time.

/crane shot
/discordant moog synth and horns
 
2014-04-11 05:37:18 AM  

99.998er: Clever indeed. I read a story a couple of years ago where the monkeys at some zoo here in the states got annoyed at being gawked at all day. The ringleader built a little mound of debris closer to the fence. He sneakily hoarded stones behind the mound. The day came when they had a high volume of traffic of visitors and he unleashed the arsenal on the visitors. Much more humorous than I can relate.


Thus suggesting that it had the mental capacity to envision and set up a long-term plan with delayed "payoff" while restraining itself from the instant gratification of throwing things right away.  I remember that.

Anyway... chimpanzees?  fark that.  Even one adult chimp running amuck in a public place could probably slaughter dozens of humans before it was brought down (probably by multiple close range shots with the largest firearm available to your typical PD).

2.bp.blogspot.com

"Because if one of those things gets down here then that will be all! Then all this - this bullshiat that you think

is so important, you can just kiss all that goodbye!"

 
2014-04-11 06:27:56 AM  
the zoo had activated its emergency protocols, which included gathering visitors into locked and secure areas.
At no time was the public in danger, Wisthoff said.



Then why were the visitors "gathered" and locked into secure areas?
Your two statements contradict themselves.
Ask the woman with no face how chimps aren't dangerous.
Also the people who have had their arms torn off by chimps.
 
2014-04-11 06:42:38 AM  

ScaryBottles: [www.matteworld.com image 500x212]


In this world gone mad, we won't spank the monkey...the monkey will spank US
 
2014-04-11 06:47:16 AM  

Walker: Then why were the visitors "gathered" and locked into secure areas?


So they DIDN'T get into danger. In this case,the code red was called as the chimps escaped, not after, so they were never out with the public.

If you wear a suit of plastic diving armor, you're not in danger from a Humboldt squid bite. But if you don't wear the armor, you're in a great deal of danger.

By securing park visitors indoors during a code red, they remain safe throughout. By letting them outside, then they'd be in danger.
 
2014-04-11 07:19:16 AM  
And after scaling the fence around the chimp enclosure, he swiped a motorcycle and jumped the perimeter fence,

  s14.postimg.org
Dah Dah
Da-Dahh-dah-da-da
Dadah da-dahh-da-Dahh Dah-Dah-Dah.
 
2014-04-11 07:34:32 AM  
"We weren't careless. The monkeys outsmarted us."
That excuse doesn't go far with me, not when the IT developers say it and not when the zookeeper says it.
 
2014-04-11 08:04:02 AM  
Malted Milk Balls?...  DAMN THEM!!!
 
2014-04-11 08:14:37 AM  
i614.photobucket.com
 
2014-04-11 08:54:35 AM  

v15: CygnusDarius: CygnusDarius: hardinparamedic: Mentat: Help me Dr. Zaius!

♫ Help Obi-Wan Kenobi! You're my only hope! ♫

[images.amcnetworks.com image 500x313]

I miss Star Wars. Those red shirts were awesome.

[upload.wikimedia.org image 640x480]

I don't know, it wasn't just the clothes that drew me into Farscape Star Wars.

FTFM.

/YOU SAW NOTHING

Red 3 Standing By!
Red 6 Standing By!
Red 5 Standing By!
Red Button standing by!
Red Foxx Standing By!
Big Red Standing By!
Red October Standing By!
Helen Reddy Standing By!
Simply Red Standing By!


He bent down to kiss her lips
Then she crossed her legs and broke his glasses

// we miss ya red
 
2014-04-11 09:23:20 AM  

Harry_Seldon: What's the Matter With Kansas?


Plenty. But the zoo is in Missouri.
 
2014-04-11 10:15:13 AM  

CygnusDarius: hardinparamedic: Mentat: Help me Dr. Zaius!

♫ Help Obi-Wan Kenobi! You're my only hope! ♫

[images.amcnetworks.com image 500x313]

I miss Star Wars. Those red shirts were awesome.

[upload.wikimedia.org image 640x480]

I don't know, it wasn't just the clothes that drew me into Farscape.


That's clearly Firefly.
 
2014-04-11 10:58:28 AM  

morg: CygnusDarius: hardinparamedic: Mentat: Help me Dr. Zaius!

♫ Help Obi-Wan Kenobi! You're my only hope! ♫

[images.amcnetworks.com image 500x313]

I miss Star Wars. Those red shirts were awesome.

[upload.wikimedia.org image 640x480]

I don't know, it wasn't just the clothes that drew me into Farscape.

That's clearly Firefly.


No you dolt it is Andromeda.
 
2014-04-11 11:16:45 AM  

fusillade762: Is this story about everyone getting TotalFark for a day?


DeltaPunch: Why am I allowed to see the greenlit articles?


DeltaPunch: Wait, how did I get TF without any notice or message or anything?

/hrmph
//not complaining


IT'S A MADHOUSE!  A MADHOUSE!
 
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