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(Chicago Trib)   In an effort to make Fark headlines more often in the future, the town of Downers Grove seeks to give an old folk's home a liquor license   (chicagotribune.com) divider line 50
    More: Amusing, Angelo Caputo, retirement home, Carol Stream, college town  
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1108 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Apr 2014 at 4:35 PM (37 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



50 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-04-10 02:51:48 PM  
www.wwe.com

GENIUS!
 
2014-04-10 02:56:59 PM  
Do they check their IDs?
 
2014-04-10 03:50:11 PM  
sbboard.com
Predicts this will end very, very, very well
 
2014-04-10 04:00:44 PM  
♫ Paul Barrere, Gabriel Paul Barrere
Off our rockers, actin' crazy
With the right medication we won't be lazy
Doin' the old folks boogie
Down on the farm
Wheelchairs, they was locked arm in arm
Paired off pacemakers with matchin' alarms
Gives us jus' one more chance
To spin one more yarn
And you know that you're over the hill
When your mind makes a promise that your body can't fill ♫
 
2014-04-10 04:37:48 PM  
Too bad the place isn't called Uppers Grove, then they could give them all meth.
 
Oak
2014-04-10 04:37:50 PM  
Isn't alcohol considered a "depressant?"  How is this inappropriate?
 
2014-04-10 04:39:34 PM  
We need to establish a set of "ok now you can take/drink whatever in the hell you want" criteria for older folks. Stuck at home all day, can't drive, let em load up on heroin and whiskey if that's what gives them pleasure. It's not like they are going to wreck their health...
 
2014-04-10 04:43:30 PM  
So they'll be able to serve wine and beer with dinners. Old people like wine and beer, just like younger people do. What the hell is the problem with that? Should old people all be celibate teetotalers just because they're old?

Screw that. If I'm ever in a home, I damn well expect it to have an open bar.
 
2014-04-10 04:45:23 PM  
What a downer...

What about China, Shady, and Coconut?
 
2014-04-10 04:48:08 PM  
If it'll get the kids to visit their parents.
 
2014-04-10 04:51:13 PM  
Good. No reason for them to be wasting space at the bar, let them stay in their purgatory.
 
2014-04-10 04:51:15 PM  
Something about this article caught my eye


...and dragged it fifteen feet.
 
2014-04-10 04:52:35 PM  
I was looking for some funny image pertinent to retirement homes and this was the best I could come up with:

www.mileanhour.com
Not exactly relevant ... but what the hell.
 
2014-04-10 04:52:43 PM  
It doesn't take big bucks, and everyone there really is nice
 
2014-04-10 04:54:27 PM  

SmackLT: [sbboard.com image 480x318]
Predicts this will end very, very, very well


It's not every day that my home town is on FARK.
 
2014-04-10 04:56:46 PM  
I thought they already had them... They're called VFWs and American Legions.
 
2014-04-10 04:58:17 PM  

Mad Scientist: my home town


You know who else...?

img.fark.net
 
2014-04-10 04:59:34 PM  

devildog123: I thought they already had them... They're called VFWs and American Legions.


I was going to say Moose and Elks lodges ... but same thing.
 
2014-04-10 05:01:25 PM  
The last scene's a definite downer, and the rest of it ain't no great shakes, either.
upload.wikimedia.org
/played the Stage Manager (narrator) years ago
//it was at a theater in mississippi. "is that how they talk in new england?" trust me
 
2014-04-10 05:13:31 PM  

cptjeff: So they'll be able to serve wine and beer with dinners. Old people like wine and beer, just like younger people do. What the hell is the problem with that? Should old people all be celibate teetotalers just because they're old?

Screw that. If I'm ever in a home, I damn well expect it to have an open bar.


This. If my retirement home is byob the shuttle had better include a liquor store stop.

I have to make up for all the drinking I'm not doing now.
 
2014-04-10 05:17:12 PM  

Frederf: Something about this article caught my eye


...and dragged it fifteen feet.


I knew it was coming, and it still got me. Thank you!
 
2014-04-10 05:18:35 PM  
The only way you could get me into one of those places.
 
2014-04-10 05:25:15 PM  
this is pretty common.

What's really concerning about the senior population is the spread of STD's.

Come to think of it the two things may be related in some way.
 
2014-04-10 05:25:37 PM  

MBooda: The last scene's a definite downer, and the rest of it ain't no great shakes, either.
[upload.wikimedia.org image 200x308]
/played the Stage Manager (narrator) years ago
//it was at a theater in mississippi. "is that how they talk in new england?" trust me


I played Simon Stimson in high school. You definitely got the better lines, but hamming up a drunk with an empty Jack bottle full of tea was fun.
 
2014-04-10 05:25:51 PM  
Is anyone else trying to scroll down on the pic I put up there? I'm starting to hate myself.
 
2014-04-10 05:34:30 PM  

redsquid: MBooda: The last scene's a definite downer, and the rest of it ain't no great shakes, either.
[upload.wikimedia.org image 200x308]
/played the Stage Manager (narrator) years ago
//it was at a theater in mississippi. "is that how they talk in new england?" trust me

I played Simon Stimson in high school. You definitely got the better lines, but hamming up a drunk with an empty Jack bottle full of tea was fun.


Not sure about "better", but I definitely got a LOT of lines.  He has five monologues as I recall, each between two and five pages long.  Thank gahd a friend of mine came up with the sure-fire method of memorizing monologue.
 
2014-04-10 05:35:24 PM  
The last thing my liver will need deep into my retirement is a freakin bar with my bedroom just down the hall.

Screw you liver, haha!
 
2014-04-10 05:51:49 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: www.wwe.com


Funny enough, he's from Downers Grove.

/or is that the joke?
 
2014-04-10 05:57:21 PM  
They took down the awesome toboggan ramp too

/grew up there
 
2014-04-10 06:03:29 PM  

WhyteRaven74: FirstNationalBastard: www.wwe.com

Funny enough, he's from Downers Grove.

/or is that the joke?


And you're the one person who got it.

You're literally who I posted for.
 
2014-04-10 06:15:59 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: WhyteRaven74: FirstNationalBastard: www.wwe.com

Funny enough, he's from Downers Grove.

/or is that the joke?

And you're the one person who got it.

You're literally who I posted for.


Isnt Colt Cabana from there too ?
 
2014-04-10 06:37:40 PM  

Mad Scientist: SmackLT: [sbboard.com image 480x318]
Predicts this will end very, very, very well

It's not every day that my home town is on FARK.


I left about 4 years ago...lived there about a decade and change.
 
2014-04-10 07:25:04 PM  
New retirement plans for me.

/ being shiatfaced should make Alzheimer's more palatable
// just hope I remember I like bourbon
 
2014-04-10 07:25:09 PM  

TheNewJesus: We need to establish a set of "ok now you can take/drink whatever in the hell you want" criteria for older folks. Stuck at home all day, can't drive, let em load up on heroin and whiskey if that's what gives them pleasure. It's not like they are going to wreck their health...


This.

Once you are already in God's waiting room, what's the worst that can happen? If you die tomorrow, you lose what, two years off your lifespan? It's not like you ever need to be sober for work anymore. You aren't required to be functioning and useful. Why should anyone care if you want to spend the rest of your life completely off your face, it's certainly not like there's anything better to do at that age.

It's actually the best time in life to take up any and every vice you might wish to.

Also, just imagine if you could get a licence to do all the illegal things younger folk want to do (or do illegally) once you reach old age. It might actually give a person something to look forward to, other than the sweet and merciful release of death.
 
2014-04-10 07:29:51 PM  

Mad Scientist: SmackLT: [sbboard.com image 480x318]
Predicts this will end very, very, very well

It's not every day that my home town is on FARK.


You can walk over to my house.  We'll have a beer.
 
2014-04-10 07:43:18 PM  

R.A.Danny: Mad Scientist: my home town

You know who else...?

[img.fark.net image 480x300]


And...

upload.wikimedia.org

...well sorta.  He graduated high school there.
 
2014-04-10 07:51:19 PM  

Mad Scientist: SmackLT: [sbboard.com image 480x318]
Predicts this will end very, very, very well

It's not every day that my home town is on FARK.


Me too! This makes me proud.
 
2014-04-10 07:51:44 PM  
Di they have a zwieback?
 
2014-04-10 08:46:57 PM  

downstairs: R.A.Danny: Mad Scientist: my home town

You know who else...?

[img.fark.net image 480x300]

And...

[upload.wikimedia.org image 850x1207]

...well sorta.  He graduated high school there.


Well I'll be!
 
2014-04-10 11:13:18 PM  

R.A.Danny: downstairs: R.A.Danny: Mad Scientist: my home town

You know who else...?

[img.fark.net image 480x300]

And...

[upload.wikimedia.org image 850x1207]

...well sorta.  He graduated high school there.

Well I'll be!


Yep.. he and his brother Lanny Poffo grew up there.

/I Grew up in Naperville
//Not at the same time
///Downers Grove had an awesome record shop... sure its not there anymore.
 
2014-04-10 11:23:32 PM  

downstairs: /I Grew up in Naperville


Well if you make it back up this way we should grab a beer.
 
2014-04-10 11:40:49 PM  

R.A.Danny: downstairs: /I Grew up in Naperville

Well if you make it back up this way we should grab a beer.


Well my whole family still lives in the Naperville area... so......... no.  ;)

/I love them all
//From 900 miles away
///In all honesty I may hit them up in June or so, we'll see

Are you still in Downers Grove?  Had many a good time there back in the 1990's.
 
2014-04-10 11:50:33 PM  

downstairs: R.A.Danny: downstairs: /I Grew up in Naperville

Well if you make it back up this way we should grab a beer.

Well my whole family still lives in the Naperville area... so......... no.  ;)

/I love them all
//From 900 miles away
///In all honesty I may hit them up in June or so, we'll see

Are you still in Downers Grove?  Had many a good time there back in the 1990's.


Naperville. Obviously very close.
 
2014-04-11 12:05:12 AM  

R.A.Danny: downstairs: R.A.Danny: downstairs: /I Grew up in Naperville

Well if you make it back up this way we should grab a beer.

Well my whole family still lives in the Naperville area... so......... no.  ;)

/I love them all
//From 900 miles away
///In all honesty I may hit them up in June or so, we'll see

Are you still in Downers Grove?  Had many a good time there back in the 1990's.

Naperville. Obviously very close.


Jeez... sorry.

/I kid
//1227 and 1759 Jewel represent!
 
2014-04-11 12:13:06 AM  

downstairs: R.A.Danny: downstairs: R.A.Danny: downstairs: /I Grew up in Naperville

Well if you make it back up this way we should grab a beer.

Well my whole family still lives in the Naperville area... so......... no.  ;)

/I love them all
//From 900 miles away
///In all honesty I may hit them up in June or so, we'll see

Are you still in Downers Grove?  Had many a good time there back in the 1990's.

Naperville. Obviously very close.

Jeez... sorry.

/I kid
//1227 and 1759 Jewel represent!


Given my druthers I'd be in either NYC or Montana. It's a great place to raise a brood though.
 
2014-04-11 12:27:21 AM  

R.A.Danny: downstairs: R.A.Danny: downstairs: R.A.Danny: downstairs: /I Grew up in Naperville

Well if you make it back up this way we should grab a beer.

Well my whole family still lives in the Naperville area... so......... no.  ;)

/I love them all
//From 900 miles away
///In all honesty I may hit them up in June or so, we'll see

Are you still in Downers Grove?  Had many a good time there back in the 1990's.

Naperville. Obviously very close.

Jeez... sorry.

/I kid
//1227 and 1759 Jewel represent!

Given my druthers I'd be in either NYC or Montana. It's a great place to raise a brood though.


Yeah, I getcha... I live in one of the most kid-unfriendly places in the US.  But I don't have kids.  Naperville schools are pretty damn top-notch.  At least when I was there.  And not truant.
 
2014-04-11 01:06:28 AM  
Actually, I work weekend security at an upscale independent living retirement community that has had a liquor license since it opened 30 years ago.

Without going into specifics, there have been some interesting moments, but most behave themselves.
 
2014-04-11 09:36:18 AM  
Caputo's  owns a retirement home? Wonder if ti's the same Caputo's
 
2014-04-11 10:04:02 AM  

abhorrent1: Caputo's  owns a retirement home? Wonder if ti's the same Caputo's


They have to supply their fine meat market somehow.
 
2014-04-11 09:39:41 PM  

leonel: It doesn't take big bucks, and everyone there really is nice


Came for this. Literally, this one line. Thank you.

/seen him twice live
//front row, he engaged with my mother from the stage
//she's an odd duck
 
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