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(Daily Mail)   When the Earth, Mars, and the Sun are in alignment, most magazines will tell you how to get a good look at Mars in the night sky. Then there's the Daily Mail   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 60
    More: Fail, Earth, John Hagee, Six Day War, Jewish holiday, King James Bible  
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9400 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Apr 2014 at 8:30 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-04-09 07:35:03 AM  
Nearly subbs.  ".......that some Christians believe is the start of the end of days and the second coming of Jesus Christ....."  Think you meant to type "and then there's some Christians".
 
2014-04-09 07:44:22 AM  
The age of Aquarius?
 
2014-04-09 08:01:46 AM  
followed by six full moons

EVERYTHING is followed by six full moons.  Classic daily fail.
 
2014-04-09 08:02:47 AM  
So one of those alignments they talk about was a year after the founding of Israel. I would think that if you're willing to give it a year's leeway, just about any point in time could count for a significant religious event.
 
2014-04-09 08:09:30 AM  

colinspooky: Nearly subbs.  ".......that some Christians believe is the start of the end of days and the second coming of Jesus Christ....."  Think you meant to type "and then there's some Christians".


A reputable newspaper would ignore "some Christians" if by that you mean "a couple crazy farks". Just because you're attributing the words to "some people" doesn't get you off the hook for spreading madness.
 
2014-04-09 08:16:54 AM  
Spreading madness ? You don't believe in relaying all sides then.  Well, lucky you are able to pick and choose what you read. At least it's nice to hear different views, even though you may not side with them.  Have fun in China where the government decides what's right to read. Apparently, according to some Western media
 
2014-04-09 08:18:00 AM  

colinspooky: Spreading madness ? You don't believe in relaying all sides then.  Well, lucky you are able to pick and choose what you read. At least it's nice to hear different views, even though you may not side with them.  Have fun in China where the government decides what's right to read. Apparently, according to some Western media


TEACH THE CONTROVERSY!
 
2014-04-09 08:20:43 AM  
 
2014-04-09 08:32:16 AM  
Someone just tell me who give my life savings too.
 
2014-04-09 08:35:06 AM  
...There shall in that time be rumors of things going astray, erm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things with the sort of raffia-work base, that has an attachment. At that time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight o'clock...
 
2014-04-09 08:35:09 AM  

colinspooky: Nearly subbs.  ".......that some Christians believe is the start of the end of days and the second coming of Jesus Christ....."  Think you meant to type "and then there's some Christians".


Not just Christians.   There are stories like this any time any kind of planetary alignment happens, even if it has nothing to do with any Biblical event.
 
2014-04-09 08:35:50 AM  

abhorrent1: Someone just tell me who give my life savings too.


Our Heineken-swilling overlord, of course.
 
2014-04-09 08:36:56 AM  
For nearly 2000 years we have been playing this MadLib.  When ______(event) and _____(event) Jesus will return and the end of days begin.
 
2014-04-09 08:45:10 AM  
I skipped the article and just went to the sidebar for what I call The Skank Report.  The Daily Fail is my go to source for news on some skank that went to some party.
 
2014-04-09 08:46:19 AM  

starsrift: ...There shall in that time be rumors of things going astray, erm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things with the sort of raffia-work base, that has an attachment. At that time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight o'clock...


That sort of talk is the talk of the "shoe" or perhaps the "gourd".  And I should know, I have followed a few.
 
2014-04-09 08:47:09 AM  
Colinspooky, journalism should NOT relay all sides. I personally believe that when Mars lines up with the Earth and the sun, all trees will turn to spaghetti nooodles. I also wear my underwear on my head and rub grape jelly on my lips as I run through the park making friends with streetlights. Should the Daily Mail have reached out to me for my views, in order to share all sides of the issue?

I think it makes more sense that we as a society agreee that we don't have to give a megaphone to EVERY idiot who has a stupid made-up boring idea.

There are alot of people who would be alive today if we as a society would agree to drown out anti-vaccination voices and say "everyone is entitled to an opinion, but maybe we'll agree to only print the ones that have some basis in facts and reality."
 
2014-04-09 08:49:14 AM  

Arkanaut: abhorrent1: Someone just tell me who give my life savings too.

Our Heineken-swilling overlord, of course.


hey now, I just re-up'ed my six months! what gives with the apocolypse?
 
2014-04-09 08:49:25 AM  
For the first time in 778 days...

Wow. Do you remember what your life was like, lo those many 2.1 years ago?
 
2014-04-09 08:52:22 AM  

nekom: followed by six full moons

EVERYTHING is followed by six full moons.  Classic daily fail.


Yeah, but, it's related to a vague passage of in the Book of Joel!  That's the book that hasn't had all its pictures colored yet.  Remember, try to stay within the lines and don't just use the blue crayon, again.
 
2014-04-09 08:53:58 AM  
Punk Rock Hippie: "we'll agree to only print the ones that have some basis in facts and reality."

Facts and reality don't move units... unless it feeds our infantile inner voyeur and there's a chance of embarrassment, nudity or graphic drama...
 
2014-04-09 08:58:52 AM  

abhorrent1: Someone just tell me who give my life savings too.


If you'd like I will hold on to it.
In the event that you survive, you will have your savings returned to you, minus a small holding and processing fee*.

/Fee will be no less then 40% and no greater then 60% depending on the damage, if any, done during the apocalypse. Terms subject to change if global destruction occurs. In the case of all currency becoming invalid, repayment will be made in the form of bottle caps at half of the current value of said currency.
 
2014-04-09 08:59:38 AM  
For once, any christian-bashing is unwarranted, this is a nutjob thing, not a christian-nutjob thing.
 
2014-04-09 08:59:50 AM  
Jesus came back years ago... we locked him up in an nuthouse and keep him drugged up to the gills so he would stop riling up the other patients.
 
2014-04-09 09:00:50 AM  

jayhawk88: For the first time in 778 days...

Wow. Do you remember what your life was like, lo those many 2.1 years ago?


It was a simpler time.  We didn't have all this technology, and a guy could just walk to the corner for a chocolate malted and a hummer for little more than a bag of crack.
 
2014-04-09 09:02:04 AM  

CruJones: For once, any christian-bashing is unwarranted, this is a nutjob thing, not a christian-nutjob thing.


They've been in the nutjob business for 2000 years.  They can at least get an honorable mention.
 
2014-04-09 09:10:14 AM  

Unoriginal_Username: abhorrent1: Someone just tell me who give my life savings too.

If you'd like I will hold on to it.
In the event that you survive, you will have your savings returned to you, minus a small holding and processing fee*.

/Fee will be no less then 40% and no greater then 60% depending on the damage, if any, done during the apocalypse. Terms subject to change if global destruction occurs. In the case of all currency becoming invalid, repayment will be made in the form of bottle caps at half of the current value of said currency.


I'll take care of your pets when you're raptured for a small monthly retainer.
 
2014-04-09 09:12:29 AM  
2 nights ago, i looked up and saw an object so red that i thought it surely had to be Mars. Google Sky Maps confirmed it. I had heard mars described as visibly red in the night sky, but never seen it so clearly. I was hoping this article would give some sciency explanation, but no. :(
 
2014-04-09 09:15:11 AM  
Every other thing out there means the end to certain Christians. Didn't Christ say "I shall come as a thief in the night, and you will not know at what hour I shall come for you"?
 
2014-04-09 09:18:22 AM  

nekom: colinspooky: Spreading madness ? You don't believe in relaying all sides then.  Well, lucky you are able to pick and choose what you read. At least it's nice to hear different views, even though you may not side with them.  Have fun in China where the government decides what's right to read. Apparently, according to some Western media

TEACH THE CONTROVERSY!


If you play for the red wings during a blood moon, does something something Lucifer? Or do you just tack on another book in the GoT series?
 
2014-04-09 09:21:30 AM  

moeburn: 2 nights ago, i looked up and saw an object so red that i thought it surely had to be Mars. Google Sky Maps confirmed it. I had heard mars described as visibly red in the night sky, but never seen it so clearly. I was hoping this article would give some sciency explanation, but no. :(


Let Father Ted be your guide, my son:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vh5kZ4uIUC0

/saw Mars last night and it was indeed a gratifyingly tangerine-coloured spot in the heavens. The menarche of the Virgin, so to speak.
 
2014-04-09 09:21:57 AM  
FTFA: The chance alignment has only happened three times in the last 500 years

Um... There's nothing "chance" about planetary orbital mechanics.
 
2014-04-09 09:23:05 AM  
Jesus and Satan were going into the Ethereal Starting Gate, ready to go. But Jesus threw a sandal, so he was scratched.

Probably for the best. Jesus was never very good on dirt.
 
2014-04-09 09:23:23 AM  

kling_klang_bed: Every other thing out there means the end to certain Christians. Didn't Christ say "I shall come as a thief in the night, and you will not know at what hour I shall come on you"?


Mistranslation of the Book of Bukkake Christ, I think. This sort of thing happened all the time before the First Council of Nicaea.
 
2014-04-09 09:25:49 AM  

stonicus: Jesus came back years ago... we locked him up in an nuthouse and keep him drugged up to the gills so he would stop riling up the other patients.


Well, then who's farking around with the planets, buddy boy?
 
2014-04-09 09:27:54 AM  

Punk Rock Hippie: I personally believe that when Mars lines up with the Earth and the sun, all trees will turn to spaghetti nooodles. I also wear my underwear on my head and rub grape jelly on my lips as I run through the park making friends with streetlights.


Yeah, but who doesn't believe that? I mean it's just common sense.
 
2014-04-09 09:28:14 AM  

nulluspixiusdemonica: Punk Rock Hippie: "we'll agree to only print the ones that have some basis in facts and reality."

Facts and reality don't move units... unless it feeds our infantile inner voyeur and there's a chance of embarrassment, nudity or graphic drama...


Is this what it says in the dictionary under "fark"?
 
2014-04-09 09:36:22 AM  
If it doesn't involve Cthulhu awakening I'm not interested.
 
2014-04-09 09:45:01 AM  
Tetrad
Retard
 
2014-04-09 09:53:10 AM  

moeburn: 2 nights ago, i looked up and saw an object so red that i thought it surely had to be Mars. Google Sky Maps confirmed it. I had heard mars described as visibly red in the night sky, but never seen it so clearly. I was hoping this article would give some sciency explanation, but no. :(


http://www.universetoday.com/110930/night-of-the-red-planet-mars-opp os ition-2014-coming-soon/
 
2014-04-09 10:06:39 AM  

GDubDub: FTFA: The chance alignment has only happened three times in the last 500 years

Um... There's nothing "chance" about planetary orbital mechanics.


Someone at the Daily Fail is currently wondering whether they should kneel before a fridge magnet in the lunch room right now.
 
2014-04-09 10:16:10 AM  
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2014-04-09 10:44:49 AM  

Rapmaster2000: I skipped the article and just went to the sidebar for what I call The Skank Report.  The Daily Fail is my go to source for news on some skank that went to some party.


Heh, I like your name for it. Here is fun party game. The first time you go to the Fail any given day, set the over/under line "Kardashian". Then do a Find on the page. The minimum I've seen is 7 at once, with a high of (I think) 11.

But if you skim, you also find some with stories about them by first name also.
 
2014-04-09 10:56:31 AM  

colinspooky: Nearly subbs.  ".......that some Christians believe is the start of the end of days and the second coming of Jesus Christ....."  Think you meant to type "and then there's some Christians".


Yeah, and whatever 'sign' the Christians say is alluded to in their Bible, it was directly stolen from some other predecessive religion in the first place.

Humans love their symbology, and the current politically preffered theology gets dibs on reappropriating the ousted management's pet holy-days, to suit the nomenclature of the current's various saints. Almost all of these events are based on sound astronomial data, and have traditionally been utilized as demonstration of power by the current presiding monarch "we all meet tomorrow, where I will turn the day as night, silencing songbirds, befoer returning the sun to you, as my generous nature allows" Or symbolism to that effect.

The only smart thing to do is stop looking for signs everywhere, cos it's the act of the search in itself that leads to madness. The human brain is hard wired to look for patterns in EVERYTHING. Keep looking hard enough, with enough subliminal pointers, and you'll believe you've found God in the curl of a fern frond.
 
2014-04-09 10:56:37 AM  
Top comment is something like "I'm so glad the end of the world is coming because people kill each other and are bad to kids". WTF is wrong with religious nutbags?
 
2014-04-09 11:09:40 AM  

colinspooky: omg - it is madness   http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/end-world-upon-us-rare-339214 2


Madness?

THIS!  IS!  BLOOD! MOON!   *kicks colinspooky into a well*
 
2014-04-09 11:10:57 AM  

jayhawk88: For the first time in 778 days...

Wow. Do you remember what your life was like, lo those many 2.1 years ago?


Back then, I was wasting too much time on Fark.  Amazing how things have changed.
 
2014-04-09 11:12:37 AM  
The best part is that this is in their "science" section.
 
2014-04-09 11:15:24 AM  

Punk Rock Hippie: I personally believe that when Mars lines up with the Earth and the sun, all trees will turn to spaghetti nooodles. I also wear my underwear on my head and rub grape jelly on my lips as I run through the park making friends with streetlights.


Sure, that's easy.  Streetlights are friendly.

i1.ytimg.com

Try making friends with a stop sign some time.
 
2014-04-09 11:19:35 AM  
According to Mr Hagee, each time the Tetrad has happened during that time, there has been a significant religious event accompanied with it.
In 1493, the first Tetrad saw the expulsion of Jews by the Catholic Spanish Inquisition.
The second happened in 1949, right after the State of Israel was founded. And the most recent one, in 1967, happened during the Six-Day War between Arabs and Israelis.


The Six-Day War was a significant religious event?
 
2014-04-09 11:43:55 AM  
i must say, this has given me some lulz.

i like all the 'and lo'... it's very monty python
 
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