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(News.com.au)   Buying a new home in Melbourne? Be sure to ask the real estate agent about ravenous packs of house eating rats   ( news.com.au) divider line
    More: Scary, pipes  
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4379 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Apr 2014 at 11:20 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



42 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-04-09 10:27:52 AM  
Australia. Never going there. I'd be poisoned and eaten before I left the airport. Then I'd suffer for eternity in the Dreamtime.
 
2014-04-09 10:41:18 AM  

gnosis301: Australia. Never going there. I'd be poisoned and eaten before I left the airport. Then I'd suffer for eternity in the Dreamtime.


I went there. A drug-sniffing dog almost bit off my testicles at the airport, but besides that everything was fine. Oh, then I used an outdoor restroom at a gas station and there was a brown tail of something hanging down from above thru the wood slats. A poisonous snake or lizard? But besides that everything was fine. Oh, then another day something stung me and my arm started itching like crazy, but besides that everything was fine. On second though, yeah stay away from there.
 
2014-04-09 11:02:21 AM  
Questions to Consider When Buying a Home in Australia

1. What type of home best suits your needs?
You have several options when purchasing a residential property: a traditional single-family home surrounded by angry kangaroos, a townhouse about to be inundated by a flood of jellyfish and "water sharks," or a condo teeming with insatiable spiders who are on the verge of learning to speak and who already leave threatening messages in their webs.

2. What specific features will your ideal home have?
A pool? Man-eating rats? Poisonous flowers that look and taste like candy? Aboriginal spirits that you can see in mirrors, hear in your head and smell in the dark? While it's good to retain some flexibility in this list, you're making perhaps the biggest purchase of your life, and you deserve to have that purchase fit both your needs and wants as closely as possible. Your list should include basic desires, like neighborhood and size, all the way down to smaller details like how many times a day you want to battle for your life, whether you enjoy the taste of your own blood, room for expanding your family or suddenly dealing with an unwanted reduction of it, and if you want a white or blue toilet.

3. How much mortgage do you qualify for?
Before you start shopping, it's important to get an idea of how much home can you actually afford. To do this, load your Range Rover with 10 days worth of water and food, pack a crossbow with steel-tipped arrows, don a Kevlar vest, make out your last will and testament, chew some gum and drive to the nearest bank. Along the way, you'll likely abandon the vehicle, lose or consume most of your supplies and beg for death. In this case, stop at the first manmade facility you find and hope that a lone psychotic assassin does not live there. If you do find a mortgage lender or a lone psychotic assassin, ask him or her how much down payment you can afford, how high the property taxes are in your chosen neighborhood, how much insurance will cost, how much you anticipate spending to maintain or improve the house, and how much you are willing to trade for your own life. Good luck!
 
2014-04-09 11:25:16 AM  
You know that place where they mine opals and live underground because the surface is only fit for dyin'? Yeah, I could handle that part of Australia.
 
2014-04-09 11:27:08 AM  
resources2.news.com.au

not only is this a terrible selfie, but it was taken with an iPad. I can't even judge her face. What an idiot.
 
2014-04-09 11:28:56 AM  
You know who else was from Australia and wanted to exterminate vermin?
 
2014-04-09 11:30:39 AM  
Averageamericanguy
hitler?
 
2014-04-09 11:32:21 AM  
This woman was just lucky that she was able to keep the dingos from eating her baby long enough for her daughter to be able to pull her from under the rubble.
 
2014-04-09 11:32:41 AM  
It's true what they say about real estate. "Location, Location, Lack of house-eating rats".
i.imgur.com
 
2014-04-09 11:33:29 AM  
Each house should come with a dingo.
 
2014-04-09 11:33:33 AM  

Rigby-Reardon: Averageamericanguy
hitler?


Hitler wasn't from Australia, you anti-semite.

I was talking about Jim Penman.
 
2014-04-09 11:34:04 AM  
Can't beat the skiing and symphony, though
 
2014-04-09 11:34:26 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: You know who else was from Australia and wanted to exterminate vermin?


George Bernard Shaw? He's on film defending Hilters use of zyklon b
 
2014-04-09 11:35:02 AM  
NOPENOPENOPENOPE

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IOwinLWrEIw
 
2014-04-09 11:36:12 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: You know who else was from Australia and wanted to exterminate vermin?


Oh! Did he maintain a strict definition of what qualifies as a knife?
 
2014-04-09 11:37:18 AM  
img1.wikia.nocookie.net
Spoiler alert:  the black guy dies in the first 10 minutes.
 
2014-04-09 11:37:26 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: Rigby-Reardon: Averageamericanguy
hitler?

Hitler wasn't from Australia, you anti-semite.

I was talking about Jim Penman.


If he hated Australians would he be an anti-vegemite?
 
2014-04-09 11:39:00 AM  
img.photobucket.com
 
2014-04-09 11:40:53 AM  
What a cheesy cheap looking house. And of course butted up against the other house makes for even more upwardly mobile rats.
 
2014-04-09 11:41:58 AM  
Averageamericanguy

Search for the phase "You kno who else ______?" Look what the answer is.

Why do you think i put a question mark after it?
 
2014-04-09 11:51:01 AM  

wildcardjack: You know that place where they mine opals and live underground because the surface is only fit for dyin'? Yeah, I could handle that part of Australia.


Coober Pedy. Neat little town. I've been to Australia twice. The Outback, the Great Barrier Reef, etc., and I've never been bitten or stung by anything. It's a wonderful place. You're all nuts.
 
2014-04-09 12:09:29 PM  
If the rats are so bad why couldn't they hear them?  See them?  Rats should tear apart the kitchen long before eating building materials.  Set out some traps, confirm the problem.

I'd highly recommend contacting a building inspector, the house had to have been built wrong, probably using substandard materials not up to code.  Of course the builder doesn't want responsibility, but that's what courts are for.
 
2014-04-09 12:19:51 PM  
OK subby, leave my 14 and 16 year olds out of this!
 
2014-04-09 12:25:04 PM  
Probably Pack Rats.  Those feckers see everything as potential nesting material.  Drywall?  Nesting material. Automobile electronics? Nesting material.  Air conditioner?  Nesting material.

Actual soft pre-made nesting material?  Don't be perverted you twisted freak, we're Pack Rats not birds.
 
2014-04-09 12:29:19 PM  
Wanted for questioning:
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-04-09 12:53:37 PM  
Just release a bunch of Eastern Brown Snakes into the house.  It'll clear the problem right up.
 
2014-04-09 12:57:00 PM  
I don't believe they exist.
 
2014-04-09 12:59:37 PM  
House eating rats? I hardly think they exist.
 
2014-04-09 12:59:42 PM  

Nightsweat: Just release a bunch of Eastern Brown Snakes into the house.  It'll clear the problem right up.


And then you release some cane toads to poison the brown snakes...
 
2014-04-09 01:01:22 PM  
I spent a month in Sydney ten years ago. I loved it there and I'd love to go back.

The worst vermin I saw was when I fired up the lawn mower after being unused all winter and it was filled with little snails. Those snail shells sound just like the blade is hitting little stones. Ping, ping, ping. Crickey!
 
2014-04-09 01:05:40 PM  
Why anyone wanted to take this enchanted continent away from the aborigines I cannot understand.
 
2014-04-09 01:07:47 PM  
Finally! A practical use for cane toads.
 
2014-04-09 01:19:30 PM  
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-04-09 01:19:46 PM  

Rigby-Reardon: Averageamericanguy

Search for the phase "You kno who else ______?" Look what the answer is.

Why do you think i put a question mark after it?



You're one of those people who it is impossible to make fun of and have fun doing so, because you don't get any of the jokes.
 
2014-04-09 01:41:03 PM  

Fano: House eating rats? I hardly think they exist.


not so much. more like rats that chewed through pex waterline causing water damage which can happen in the USA as well. Only real downside of pex over copper.
 
2014-04-09 01:42:33 PM  

Firethorn: If the rats are so bad why couldn't they hear them?  See them?  Rats should tear apart the kitchen long before eating building materials.  Set out some traps, confirm the problem.

I'd highly recommend contacting a building inspector, the house had to have been built wrong, probably using substandard materials not up to code.  Of course the builder doesn't want responsibility, but that's what courts are for.


again I think they just chewed on pex (plastic) waterline and caused water damage. They didn't actually chew out the ceiling.
 
2014-04-09 02:06:49 PM  

Grumpy Cat: Coober Pedy.


As an earth-sheltered enthusiast, i have to ask - is the underground living thing there pretty common due to the heat, or is it just an interesting side to coober pedy?
 
2014-04-09 02:59:08 PM  

Somaticasual: Grumpy Cat: Coober Pedy.

As an earth-sheltered enthusiast, i have to ask - is the underground living thing there pretty common due to the heat, or is it just an interesting side to coober pedy?


It is due to the heat. They live very comfortably underground. I would never want to live there, but it is interesting. On our tour, the lady said of the residents that live there to opal mine: 20% are rich, 60% make a decent living and 20% don't really make it. She thought those odds were good, so she opal mines. Since she can't fully make it on that, she gives tours.

/CSS
 
2014-04-09 03:03:32 PM  
Geez, people.

Just tell your In Laws that they have to move out.
 
2014-04-09 03:12:08 PM  

Grumpy Cat: Somaticasual: Grumpy Cat: Coober Pedy.

As an earth-sheltered enthusiast, i have to ask - is the underground living thing there pretty common due to the heat, or is it just an interesting side to coober pedy?

It is due to the heat. They live very comfortably underground. I would never want to live there, but it is interesting. On our tour, the lady said of the residents that live there to opal mine: 20% are rich, 60% make a decent living and 20% don't really make it. She thought those odds were good, so she opal mines. Since she can't fully make it on that, she gives tours.

/CSS


Much thanks on the CSS/CSB.  They do manage to build some pretty interesting homes underground, from what i've seen. I can definitely imagine the heat being pretty intense - even the photos of the place feel hot...
 
2014-04-09 03:22:16 PM  

CygnusDarius: [25.media.tumblr.com image 679x448]


First thing I thought of:

img.fark.net
 
2014-04-09 10:32:28 PM  
What do you expect in Melbourne, they are so far behind the times they are Victorian.
The rat problem will be sorted out in another 100 years or so when they become Edwardian & get to work on a sewerage system and municipal slum clearing.
 
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