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(NASCAR)   Smoke is on the pole, but with rain in the forecast, Uncle Si and the crew may have to build an ark to keep everything dry in Texas. It's the Duck Commander 500 (2:30 PM ET, FOX, weather permitting)   (nascar.com) divider line 620
    More: Cool, Texas, smoking  
•       •       •

291 clicks; posted to Sports » on 06 Apr 2014 at 2:00 PM (20 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-04-06 12:20:42 PM

Are you not sports entertained?

img.photobucket.com

And now its time for...

Your weekly NASCAR thread checklist.  Just like the NASCAR rulebook; ever-changing and updated on the fly

(Created by DanZero & bluorangefyre, with contributions from Professor Farksworth, QueenMamaBee, Mzltplx, and a bunch of other Fark racing fans!)

1)  Every 25th post is "DANICA," every 500th post is "CHECKERED FLAG!" and every 1,100th post is, "Screw the gredunza, I just did the double!"
2) Brian France asking "ARE YOU NOT SPORTS ENTERTAINED?" before the 10th post
3) Somebody comes in with a humorous "left/right turn/going in circles" comment
4) BOOGITY in some form when race starts
5) Idols/Buddhas/Transformers/Reactors being fired up
6) Complaints about TNT & ESPN race coverage (or if in TNT/ESPN coverage, how bad it is and how we pine for FOX again) ONLY VALID FOR 2014!
7) While we were away
8) Green flag pit stops
9) The inevitable race commentator foul up
10) Phantom cautions - pace dingo appears after two, Mr. McMahon appears if it benefits the driver of car #48 and/or the person who probably doesn't deserve to drive car #3, or sets up a closer finish
11)  "Austin Dillon driving car number three... the number made famous by the late/great Dale Earnhardt."
12)  MLP deployment ONLY in the following instances: sad Rainbow Dash when Princess Crumplefenders (AKA Danica) inevitably wrecks, happy Rainbow Dash if she's running in the top 20, charging Rainbow Dash if she's in the top 10, and whatever the evil pony is that is the sister of the queen pony if we need some extra mojo to help the idols and Buddhas defeat car #48
13) Complaints and such if Jimmie Johnson wins again and celebrations from his fan(s)
14)  Race is official when Kvapil, Reutimann, Wise or Danica bring out the caution (can be more than one)... causes referee dog to be deployed
15)  BONUS OFFICIAL RACE:  Mikey brings out the yellow
16)  Something to do with potato salad and/or sugar free gummi bears
17)  SPECIAL BONUS:  One of us is actually at the track
18)  Something not meant to catch fire does
19)  We are reminded about how a track is famous for The Big One/Darlington Stripe/Eating tires/Fuel Mileage races.
20)  "Because #3 car"
21)  Race is boring... what are you drinking?
22)  "Lord baby Jesus, smite Logano's engine!"
23)  Somebody asking why they don't run in the rain followed by a quick explaination why its not a good idea
24)  "Nevermind that shiat, here comes Dick Trickle!"
25)  DanZero's commercial recap from last week and running throughout the thread

Wrestlemania starts at 5:00.  Well, 7:00, but we have the WWE Network so might be switching over to it at 5:00 because FARK BRIAN FRANCE that's why.  Thank God that man hasn't thought of starting his own network.
 
2014-04-06 12:45:08 PM
Is Duck Commander that rich or is NASCAR that broke?
 
2014-04-06 12:57:44 PM
Heh... Brian France

/Speaking of Duck Commanders...
 
2014-04-06 01:03:59 PM
I'm starting to think NASCAR needs a side business as a rainmaker. Just hold the race where a drought is and poof rain!
 
2014-04-06 01:15:15 PM
Competition caution at lap 30

HARUMPH
 
2014-04-06 01:38:33 PM

Rapmaster2000: Is Duck Commander that rich or is NASCAR that broke?


If they're that broke, I expect to see the UFIA 400 presented by Fark.com next race at Kentucky.
 
2014-04-06 01:42:46 PM
@nascarcasm

Driver introductions under way, if by introductions you mean "Drivers, I'd like to introduce you several hours of doing nothing."
 
2014-04-06 01:44:26 PM
From the Junior Johnsons, to the Cale Yarboroughs... to the Dale Earnhardts....

Nevermind that shiat, here comes Dick Trickle!

i2.cdn.turner.com
 
2014-04-06 02:04:21 PM
Hey, I don't want to sound more dumb than usual, but can anyone tell me what a MC3HFG is?
 
2014-04-06 02:04:27 PM
Not more rain...

Hello fellow NASFarkers...
 
2014-04-06 02:05:59 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Hey, I don't want to sound more dumb than usual, but can anyone tell me what a MC3HFG is?


Moss Covered, Three Handled, Family Gredunza.

I have two.

It's an fWc thing (pro wrestling)
 
2014-04-06 02:10:02 PM

Rapmaster2000: Is Duck Commander that rich or is NASCAR that broke?


Yes
 
2014-04-06 02:11:25 PM

Mztlplx: Not more rain...

Hello fellow NASFarkers...


Advertisers have to be sick of this by now

Especially when you consider fox will move a race to fox sports one so it doesn't screw with their Sunday night lineup
 
2014-04-06 02:12:41 PM
26) Michael Waltrip screws up something during his "racer's walk"
 
2014-04-06 02:14:04 PM

Mztlplx: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Hey, I don't want to sound more dumb than usual, but can anyone tell me what a MC3HFG is?

Moss Covered, Three Handled, Family Gredunza.

I have two.

It's an fWc thing (pro wrestling)


Ah

/thank you very much, good Sir
 
2014-04-06 02:15:18 PM

smerfnablin: Mztlplx: Not more rain...

Hello fellow NASFarkers...

Advertisers have to be sick of this by now

Especially when you consider fox will move a race to fox sports one so it doesn't screw with their Sunday night lineup


I just looked at the Fort Worth wx radar. Didn't look too bad. The rain should clear out shortly.

Plus, they get to show off the Air Titan 2.0 again!
 
2014-04-06 02:19:27 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Hey, I don't want to sound more dumb than usual, but can anyone tell me what a MC3HFG is?


It's now FARK's logo probably for today due to WM. Guess it's a thing now
 
2014-04-06 02:20:15 PM
Found an explanation for it on TFD:

You might have noticed that the TF logo has been temporarily replaced by a new (Wrestlemania) logo. It's a new thing we're trying out - playing around with the logo a bit for special events (sports, entertainment, 20th anniversary of the Fark squirrel, etc). If you're not a wrestling fan, ignore it and I swear it won't jump out of the screen and hurt you. If you'd like to see other ones, let us know! There's a decent chance we'll do one tomorrow for the NCAA final (cause after all, DUKE SUCKS), and maybe more in the future (but not a LOT more; we don't want to be google doodle after all).
 
2014-04-06 02:20:55 PM

MBrady: 26) Michael Waltrip screws up something during his "racer's walk"


Him talking away like an idiot during the invocation and national anthem made him look like a disrespectful idiot

More than usual

If that was possible
 
2014-04-06 02:22:03 PM

DanZero: Found an explanation for it on TFD:

You might have noticed that the TF logo has been temporarily replaced by a new (Wrestlemania) logo. It's a new thing we're trying out - playing around with the logo a bit for special events (sports, entertainment, 20th anniversary of the Fark squirrel, etc). If you're not a wrestling fan, ignore it and I swear it won't jump out of the screen and hurt you. If you'd like to see other ones, let us know! There's a decent chance we'll do one tomorrow for the NCAA final (cause after all, DUKE SUCKS), and maybe more in the future (but not a LOT more; we don't want to be google doodle after all).


Thank you as well, Sir
 
2014-04-06 02:22:04 PM
No disrespect to NASCAR but is there anything the Duck guys won't sponsor?
 
2014-04-06 02:23:28 PM

Mid_mo_mad_man: No disrespect to NASCAR but is there anything the Duck guys won't sponsor?


Or put thier logo on.
 
2014-04-06 02:25:14 PM

Mztlplx: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Hey, I don't want to sound more dumb than usual, but can anyone tell me what a MC3HFG is?

Moss Covered, Three Handled, Family Gredunza.

I have two.

It's an fWc thing (pro wrestling)


Entertainment
 
2014-04-06 02:25:23 PM

Mid_mo_mad_man: Mid_mo_mad_man: No disrespect to NASCAR but is there anything the Duck guys won't sponsor?

Or put thier logo on.


A Gay Pride parade?
 
2014-04-06 02:26:23 PM

DanZero: Found an explanation for it on TFD:

You might have noticed that the TF logo has been temporarily replaced by a new (Wrestlemania) logo. It's a new thing we're trying out - playing around with the logo a bit for special events (sports, entertainment, 20th anniversary of the Fark squirrel, etc). If you're not a wrestling fan, ignore it and I swear it won't jump out of the screen and hurt you. If you'd like to see other ones, let us know! There's a decent chance we'll do one tomorrow for the NCAA final (cause after all, DUKE SUCKS), and maybe more in the future (but not a LOT more; we don't want to be google doodle after all).


Still regular old logo on Fark mobile.

Y'all get all the good toys.
 
2014-04-06 02:26:36 PM

Mid_mo_mad_man: No disrespect to NASCAR but is there anything the Duck guys won't sponsor?


A local company here (signmakers) recently got the DD license for making safety/caution signs I kid you not -

img-w.zeebox.com
 
2014-04-06 02:28:44 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Mid_mo_mad_man: Mid_mo_mad_man: No disrespect to NASCAR but is there anything the Duck guys won't sponsor?

Or put thier logo on.

A Gay Pride parade?


That's the funniest thing I've read on Fark this week.
 
2014-04-06 02:32:24 PM

DanZero: Mid_mo_mad_man: No disrespect to NASCAR but is there anything the Duck guys won't sponsor?

A local company here (signmakers) recently got the DD license for making safety/caution signs I kid you not -

[img-w.zeebox.com image 850x566]


That actually makes sense though.
 
2014-04-06 02:33:56 PM
I'd pay to see Will Buxton do his thing on the pit lane.
 
2014-04-06 02:34:44 PM
Remember that story yesterday wondering why NASCAR ratings were so low this season?

It's all these goddamn rain delays! This is what, the 4th, 5th of 7 races with a rain delay this year?
 
2014-04-06 02:36:54 PM
Reposting my little rant from yesterday's stagnant ratings thread on the basis that more people will see it here:-


I try and like NASCAR, I really do. I'm generally a fan of auto racing in all it's various forms (Though I do admit to preferring open wheel in general) but for me the problems with Cup races are this:

1.Too many ovals. I like some ovals, don't get me wrong (Richmond is a fantastic one...) , but I'm a bigger fan of road courses

2. The races are too damn long. I get that the Daytona 500 should be an epic event and 500 miles plays into that, but it doesn't need every single race to be 400+ miles. I'd prefer it was only one or two that were super long and the others were in the 100 to 200 mile range. The exceptions being Daytona 500 and the whatever it's called 600 that runs teh same day/weekend as the Indy 500 and the Monaco Grand Prix in F1

3. The points system/chase. I just don't get it. The point seem farking arbitrary and change every year. (Of course,the same is now also true of F1, but at least their points are based solely on finishing order. I honestly can't tell where NASCAR points come from, and then they randomly reset them.

I guess that makes me a bad person, but I'd like to see something done about those three factors.
 
2014-04-06 02:43:45 PM

LucklessWonder: I guess that makes me a bad person, but I'd like to see something done about those three factors.


No. It makes you a person who doesn't have to like everything.

Update on the track, tweetered to me by local news stations:

AIR TITAN 2.0

And racer intros in about 5 minutes. There is another chunk of rain off to the west, but it may pass to the north or just be really light. Best of luck to ye. Vroom vroom or whatever it is that you guys say to each other.
 
2014-04-06 02:43:51 PM
Joey Slogano is sitting next to both Waltrip brothers...

Come on falling space debris!
 
2014-04-06 02:43:57 PM

LucklessWonder: 3. The points system/chase. I just don't get it. The point seem farking arbitrary and change every year. (Of course,the same is now also true of F1, but at least their points are based solely on finishing order. I honestly can't tell where NASCAR points come from, and then they randomly reset them.


For years now, I've been saying they need to simplify the points.
43 cars, points based on finishing order: 1st place = 43 points, last place = 1 point.
Extra point for pole position, for leading at halfway, for most laps led.
The end.

If you want a real playoff event for the chase, make it an elimination event. 10 races, 11 drivers. final race of the season, only 2 drivers left for the championship. Let the best man win.
 
2014-04-06 02:46:09 PM

Mztlplx: smerfnablin: Mztlplx: Not more rain...

Hello fellow NASFarkers...

Advertisers have to be sick of this by now

Especially when you consider fox will move a race to fox sports one so it doesn't screw with their Sunday night lineup

I just looked at the Fort Worth wx radar. Didn't look too bad. The rain should clear out shortly.

Plus, they get to show off the Air Titan 2.0 again!


Any mention of a jet dryer makes me miss JPM. :(
 
2014-04-06 02:47:04 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Mid_mo_mad_man: Mid_mo_mad_man: No disrespect to NASCAR but is there anything the Duck guys won't sponsor?

Or put thier logo on.

A Gay Pride parade?


Bravo.

That was beautiful.
 
2014-04-06 02:48:53 PM

Di Atribe: Best of luck to ye. Vroom vroom or whatever it is that you guys say to each other.


We say BOOGIDY BOOGIDY, but thanks for that update
 
2014-04-06 02:49:35 PM
DanZero  a local company...

It was explained to me by one of my many friends in Reality TV that the production co. used "Duck Dynasty" as a title because they could trademark it & get tie-in $, as anything labeled "Duck Commander" would of course go straight to the Robertsons...

bluorangefyre Nevermind that shiat, here comes Dick Trickle!

No disrespect to Dick, only one NASCAR driver with a 1970's purple machine is known for Texas songs...
www.musicobsession.com
 
2014-04-06 02:50:40 PM
media.tumblr.com
 
2014-04-06 02:50:41 PM

Sweet Possum Tater: Mztlplx: smerfnablin: Mztlplx: Not more rain...

Hello fellow NASFarkers...

Advertisers have to be sick of this by now

Especially when you consider fox will move a race to fox sports one so it doesn't screw with their Sunday night lineup

I just looked at the Fort Worth wx radar. Didn't look too bad. The rain should clear out shortly.

Plus, they get to show off the Air Titan 2.0 again!

Any mention of a jet dryer makes me miss JPM. :(


www.teamjimmyjoe.com
 
2014-04-06 02:51:43 PM
img.fark.net
 
2014-04-06 02:52:04 PM

Sirlan: Sweet Possum Tater: Mztlplx: smerfnablin: Mztlplx: Not more rain...

Hello fellow NASFarkers...

Advertisers have to be sick of this by now

Especially when you consider fox will move a race to fox sports one so it doesn't screw with their Sunday night lineup

I just looked at the Fort Worth wx radar. Didn't look too bad. The rain should clear out shortly.

Plus, they get to show off the Air Titan 2.0 again!

Any mention of a jet dryer makes me miss JPM. :(

[www.teamjimmyjoe.com image 850x771]


i679.photobucket.com
 
2014-04-06 02:55:39 PM
Smoke is on the pole?  Looks like Tony Stewart's dad failed at the one job he had.
 
2014-04-06 02:57:35 PM

Sirlan: Sweet Possum Tater: Mztlplx: smerfnablin: Mztlplx: Not more rain...

Hello fellow NASFarkers...

Advertisers have to be sick of this by now

Especially when you consider fox will move a race to fox sports one so it doesn't screw with their Sunday night lineup

I just looked at the Fort Worth wx radar. Didn't look too bad. The rain should clear out shortly.

Plus, they get to show off the Air Titan 2.0 again!

Any mention of a jet dryer makes me miss JPM. :(


Oh Lawd. I don't miss him that much.
 
2014-04-06 02:58:08 PM

DanZero: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Hey, I don't want to sound more dumb than usual, but can anyone tell me what a MC3HFG is?

It's now FARK's logo probably for today due to WM. Guess it's a thing now


It became a thing in part due to this on the December 9th WWE Raw live taping in Seattle (that's Supercampion on the left, and me on the right):

img.fark.net

/CM Punk approved!
 
2014-04-06 03:00:45 PM

FlyingJ: No disrespect to Dick, only one NASCAR driver with a 1970's purple machine is known for Texas songs...


Loved his music. Gained even more respect for him when I read that if he had decided to give up music he could have had a long, successful career in NASCAR.
 
2014-04-06 03:02:10 PM

Mid_mo_mad_man: No disrespect to NASCAR but is there anything the Duck guys won't sponsor?


A gay parade.
 
2014-04-06 03:03:44 PM

Dumb-Ass-Monkey: LucklessWonder: 3. The points system/chase. I just don't get it. The point seem farking arbitrary and change every year. (Of course,the same is now also true of F1, but at least their points are based solely on finishing order. I honestly can't tell where NASCAR points come from, and then they randomly reset them.

For years now, I've been saying they need to simplify the points.
43 cars, points based on finishing order: 1st place = 43 points, last place = 1 point.
Extra point for pole position, for leading at halfway, for most laps led.
The end.

If you want a real playoff event for the chase, make it an elimination event. 10 races, 11 drivers. final race of the season, only 2 drivers left for the championship. Let the best man win.


Other than the win bringing a 3 point bonus, and no bonus for the pole anymore, that's what they do. Why all the angst? That part has been the same for a couple of years. Just this year, they want you to have a win with your points in order to get in too if possible.
 
2014-04-06 03:05:01 PM
Luckless Wonder:
(Not quoting to save space)

I like the ovals, but I'm with you on the lack of diversity in the tracks nowadays. I started following NASCAR back in the late seventies, when every track was at least a little different even if they were the same layout/length. Since Brian France's ::spit:: expansion, we now have a bunch of cookie-cutter tracks on the schedule. This makes for boring racing and bored fans.

I thank the current race lengths are near optimal, because they allow for race-determining factors like attrition through mechanical failure and driver fatigue. Not gonna get into the whole "are drivers athletes" argument, but it's not easy to drive those cars for 3-4 hours at a stretch. Short races would remove too much of the strategy for me.

The points...I agree completely. It's far from perfect. What it does, though, is open up the championship to more than the one or two drivers who had a shot at the Cup in the old format. The system needs fixing..but it's a step in the right direction.
 
2014-04-06 03:08:58 PM
Driver intros scheduled for 3:45?
 
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