Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Mercury News)   San Jose State University team heads to world championship game... of Quidditch   (mercurynews.com) divider line 39
    More: Amusing  
•       •       •

740 clicks; posted to Sports » on 06 Apr 2014 at 1:30 PM (47 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



39 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-04-06 01:40:04 PM  
Nerds.jpg
 
2014-04-06 01:53:22 PM  
FTA:
"...and don't go airborne unless there's been a particularly spectacular check in the full-contact coed game "

I can only imagine this sport at the Olympinc level where someone like Dhani Jones explodes a female player into a shower of gibs during a "particularly spectacular check".
 
2014-04-06 02:59:55 PM  
It's disgraceful what Rowling did to the gentleman's game of 43-man Squamish.
 
2014-04-06 03:09:25 PM  
gaaaaaaaaaaaaay-seal.jpg
 
2014-04-06 03:23:14 PM  
"Look at curling," said 26-year-old Emily Knight, taking a friendly poke at the other broom-based sport. "If that can be in the Olympics, why can't quidditch?"

Because curling is a logical sport with a defined ruleset and singular systematics of competitive play.

Quidditch is illogical nonsense used as a plot device in a series of young adult fantasy novels birthed from the sputtering imagination of a twice-betrothed middle-aged English housewife who's never seen, played or examined a real sport before in her entire life.
 
2014-04-06 03:26:08 PM  
Fark San Jose State with a rusty harpoon.

I just needed to say that, thanks.
 
2014-04-06 03:33:59 PM  
"...science has not been able to develop a flying human-carrying broom or the tiny sentient winged orb -- the snitch -- that needs to be caught to end the game. "

The snitch doesn't need to be caught for the game to end. Quidditch is played to 150 points. The snitch is worth 150 points. Catching it is an automatic win, but players can win points in other ways.

/I am not a huge nerd.
//No, really
 
2014-04-06 03:35:08 PM  
More importantly, why is the comments thread under the sports tab, while the link is under the Geek tab?
 
2014-04-06 03:49:37 PM  
The darling daughter is the current president of the MSU Spartan Spitfires so I am getting a kick & etc.
 
2014-04-06 04:08:22 PM  

Ishkur: "Look at curling," said 26-year-old Emily Knight, taking a friendly poke at the other broom-based sport. "If that can be in the Olympics, why can't quidditch?"

Because curling is a logical sport with a defined ruleset and singular systematics of competitive play.

Quidditch is illogical nonsense used as a plot device in a series of young adult fantasy novels birthed from the sputtering imagination of a twice-betrothed middle-aged English housewife who's never seen, played or examined a real sport before in her entire life.


Well said. I was also thinking about how they run around with fake broomsticks between their legs as an important part of the game. I can't think of any other sport that has a piece of mandatory equipment that is strictly symbolic and serves no purpose in the actual game. To take the curling comparison further it would be as if the thrower also held a pretend steering wheel from a car, and pantomimed steering the stone as it changed direction.
 
2014-04-06 04:12:51 PM  
Any excuse to get out of San Jose is understandable.
 
2014-04-06 05:31:11 PM  

MrEricSir: Any excuse to get out of San Jose is understandable.


Typical SF douche.
 
2014-04-06 05:44:00 PM  
I have never been as proud of my alma mater as I am right now.

(Admittedly, I haven't been all that proud of my alma mater.)
 
2014-04-06 05:56:00 PM  
"Look at curling," said 26-year-old Emily Knight, taking a friendly poke at the other broom-based sport. "If that can be in the Olympics, why can't quidditch?"

Because the brooms in curling are actually used in the game, while the brooms in "quidditch" are just visual props jammed into your crotch and make you look like a bunch of 6-year-olds pretending to ride the ponies they'll never get for Christmas.
 
2014-04-06 06:15:17 PM  

a particular individual: More importantly, why is the comments thread under the sports tab, while the link is under the Geek tab?


It's more of a sport then NASCAR
 
2014-04-06 06:21:57 PM  
i.imgur.com

Now THIS I can fap to.
 
2014-04-06 06:34:37 PM  

Warlordtrooper: a particular individual: More importantly, why is the comments thread under the sports tab, while the link is under the Geek tab?

It's more of a sport then NASCAR


While that may be true, it doesn't answer the question.

In any case, NASCAR is more of a sport than, say, golf, or bowling.

/also, NASCAR doesn't look as silly as "quidditch"
 
2014-04-06 07:05:46 PM  

Warlordtrooper: It's more of a sport then NASCAR


Only if NASCAR had a second side-contest inside the track, like say a chess match between two racing teams, and the winner of the chess match wins the race and invalidates everything that's happening on the oval.
 
2014-04-06 08:20:05 PM  

Ishkur: Warlordtrooper: It's more of a sport then NASCAR

Only if NASCAR had a second side-contest inside the track, like say a chess match between two racing teams, and the winner of the chess match wins the race and invalidates everything that's happening on the oval.


I was going to explain why this isn't entirely true, and then I thought "nerd" so stopped.

/damned kids; they've been listening to the audiobooks and watching the movies these past few weeks
 
2014-04-06 08:26:47 PM  

a particular individual: "...science has not been able to develop a flying human-carrying broom or the tiny sentient winged orb -- the snitch -- that needs to be caught to end the game. "

The snitch doesn't need to be caught for the game to end. Quidditch is played to 150 points. The snitch is worth 150 points. Catching it is an automatic win, but players can win points in other ways.

/I am not a huge nerd.
//No, really


Um... no.  It was a minor plot point in Book 4 that it was possible to win without taking the Snitch, but that the game couldn't end without it being caught.  In particular, the final Quidditch World Cup match involves a 160-150 game where the snitch was taken by the losing team.

So, take heart, you're not a huge nerd.

/huge nerd
//still not as huge a nerd as the nerds running around a field with broomsticks tucked between their legs
 
2014-04-06 08:31:26 PM  

LazarusLong42: In particular, the final Quidditch World Cup match involves a 160-150 game where the snitch was taken by the losing team.


If your team is down more than 150 points (why points have 10x multipliers, who the fark knows) and you're the Seeker, why would you catch the snitch?
 
2014-04-06 09:27:47 PM  

Ishkur: LazarusLong42: In particular, the final Quidditch World Cup match involves a 160-150 game where the snitch was taken by the losing team.

If your team is down more than 150 points (why points have 10x multipliers, who the fark knows) and you're the Seeker, why would you catch the snitch?


You wouldn't, unless you were also a moron.

/and thanks to LazarusLong42 for being the nerd I couldn't be
 
2014-04-06 09:42:27 PM  
They're geeks not nerds, nerds are smart.
 
2014-04-06 10:43:50 PM  

Ishkur: If your team is down more than 150 points (why points have 10x multipliers, who the fark knows) and you're the Seeker, why would you catch the snitch?


Perhaps this is part of the strategy. If the scoring was really fast paced, the seekers would have to keep an eye on the score as well as the snitch and shift from defending it from being caught by the opposing seeker and trying to catch it themselves. The issue is the disparity between normal points and snitch's value, and the fact that it ends the game. If the snitch were worth, say, 35 points, then it would be far more interesting.

I hate the whole concept of the game, mind you... I just think a tiny bit of thought could have gone into writing it better in the first place.
 
2014-04-06 11:33:50 PM  

ArcadianRefugee: You wouldn't, unless you were also a moron.


So how big of a moron is the best Seeker in the world, playing at the highest level of competition, of a sport that he has probably logged millions of hours training, practicing and coaching since infancy, honing his skills into muscle memory precision, to make a mistake that most Seekers learn not to make in grade one broom flying?

I'm trying to think of a real world equivalent. It would be like Lionel Messi deliberately shooting the ball into his own goal. In extra time. Of the World Cup Final.

WinoRhino: Perhaps this is part of the strategy. If the scoring was really fast paced, the seekers would have to keep an eye on the score as well as the snitch and shift from defending it from being caught by the opposing seeker and trying to catch it themselves. The issue is the disparity between normal points and snitch's value, and the fact that it ends the game


This would indeed be interesting strategy. However, it's not what happened.
 
2014-04-07 12:44:08 AM  

Ishkur: So how big of a moron is the best Seeker in the world, playing at the highest level of competition, of a sport that he has probably logged millions of hours training, practicing and coaching since infancy, honing his skills into muscle memory precision, to make a mistake that most Seekers learn not to make in grade one broom flying?

I'm trying to think of a real world equivalent. It would be like Lionel Messi deliberately shooting the ball into his own goal. In extra time. Of the World Cup Final.


In the books, the Bulgarian seeker takes snitch while his side was already down more than 150 points in a game that had only been going on for a few minutes. Krum was the best seeker in the world but his teammates sucked and Ireland was mopping the field with them.

Note that his choices were to take the snitch and lose by small margin, or losing by an even larger margin.
 
2014-04-07 12:58:51 AM  

Elegy: Ishkur: So how big of a moron is the best Seeker in the world, playing at the highest level of competition, of a sport that he has probably logged millions of hours training, practicing and coaching since infancy, honing his skills into muscle memory precision, to make a mistake that most Seekers learn not to make in grade one broom flying?

I'm trying to think of a real world equivalent. It would be like Lionel Messi deliberately shooting the ball into his own goal. In extra time. Of the World Cup Final.

In the books, the Bulgarian seeker takes snitch while his side was already down more than 150 points in a game that had only been going on for a few minutes. Krum was the best seeker in the world but his teammates sucked and Ireland was mopping the field with them.

Note that his choices were to take the snitch and lose by small margin, or losing by an even larger margin.


If I remember correctly, the only time cumulative score matters is for the Qudditch cup at Hogwarts.  This means that Krum was just being a pussy when he ended the game in a loss for his team instead of fighting back in an attempt to win.  He was a sore loser who literally took the ball and went home so that no one else can play.

/never read the books, learned everything from Fark threads
 
2014-04-07 01:12:43 AM  

RogermcAllen: If I remember correctly, the only time cumulative score matters is for the Qudditch cup at Hogwarts.  This means that Krum was just being a pussy when he ended the game in a loss for his team instead of fighting back in an attempt to win.  He was a sore loser who literally took the ball and went home so that no one else can play.

/never read the books, learned everything from Fark threads


Ireland was already ahead by more than 150 points IN THAT GAME. Nothing cumulative about it - there was just no way Bulgaria could hope to come back. Catching the snitch ends the game, it doesn't automatically win it.

That said, the rules of quiddich are ridiculously terrible. Why anybody would want to play this sport in real life?

I noticed in the photos most of the players seem to be young women.Are there girls and boys teams, or is it just that no sane male wants to run around with a stick between his legs?

Because, really, playing "quiddich" seems like an insanely stupid way to lose a testicle.
 
2014-04-07 01:39:01 AM  

Elegy: the Bulgarian seeker takes snitch while his side was already down more than 150 points in a game that had only been going on for a few minutes. Krum was the best seeker in the world but his teammates sucked and Ireland was mopping the field with them.


Yes, that's exactly why he would NOT grab the snitch. Especially not in the championship game of the most prestigious tournament in the world. No one farking cares about moral victories. His team probably flogged him for such a boneheaded move.

Elegy: Note that his choices were to take the snitch and lose by small margin, or losing by an even larger margin.


NO! That is totally the strategy employed by a complete imbecile of a writer who knows absolutely NOTHING about high level competition.

His only choice at that point is to prevent the other team's Seeker from catching the snitch, thereby ensuring that the game continues indefinitely, and then do whatever he can to aid his own team in getting back into the game. They might be able to pull it out, crazier things in sports have happened. There is no other choice. They're there to win the farking game, not make it close.

And here is where we come to the real problem with Quidditch: Unlike conventional sports, it doesn't rely on a fixed time limit or a score ceiling to end, but rather an arbitrary contest between two players which doesn't really interact with anything else. Game theory points to the problem of teams losing badly employing a strategy of obstruction, delay, and defense to ensure that the game doesn't end. If the opposing team's Seeker is not very good and the obstruction strategy is sound, conceivably you could have Quidditch matches that go on forever with no end in sight, because the snitch will never be caught (winning team can't and losing team won't).

Muggle Quidditch is even worse: The snitch is a person. So instead of relying on objective criteria, the outcome of the game is reliant on human biases and temptation. That makes it worse than figure skating.
 
2014-04-07 01:57:19 AM  

Elegy: there was just no way Bulgaria could hope to come back.


They don't need to come all the way back. They just need to get under a 150 point deficit and tell Krum to catch the snitch.

He couldn't even do that right. So he's a worldclass athlete, yet he commits the cardinal blunder of the entire sport, a rule so simple and so absolute that it's probably the first thing they teach toddler Seekers in tee ball Quidditch: If you're down more than 150 points, DON'T CATCH THE farkING SNITCH.
 
2014-04-07 09:06:05 AM  

Elegy: RogermcAllen: If I remember correctly, the only time cumulative score matters is for the Qudditch cup at Hogwarts.  This means that Krum was just being a pussy when he ended the game in a loss for his team instead of fighting back in an attempt to win.  He was a sore loser who literally took the ball and went home so that no one else can play.

/never read the books, learned everything from Fark threads

Ireland was already ahead by more than 150 points IN THAT GAME. Nothing cumulative about it - there was just no way Bulgaria could hope to come back. Catching the snitch ends the game, it doesn't automatically win it.

That said, the rules of quiddich are ridiculously terrible. Why anybody would want to play this sport in real life?

I noticed in the photos most of the players seem to be young women.Are there girls and boys teams, or is it just that no sane male wants to run around with a stick between his legs?

Because, really, playing "quiddich" seems like an insanely stupid way to lose a testicle.


There's a rule requiring a certain number of females on each team, and usually there's a pretty good mix, at least from what I've seen. I have, sadly, never gotten around to going to a match. We used to play under a different set of rules in our HP club when I was in undergrad (no brooms - we were a bunch of nerds and many of us are injury-prone enough as it is), and I tried to get an IQA team going, but nobody cared until I didn't have time for it anymore. I did have a great time playing by the old rules every single time, though, and my friends that did do stuff with the league do seem to really enjoy it. So, to each their own, I suppose.

LazarusLong42: a particular individual: "...science has not been able to develop a flying human-carrying broom or the tiny sentient winged orb -- the snitch -- that needs to be caught to end the game. "

The snitch doesn't need to be caught for the game to end. Quidditch is played to 150 points. The snitch is worth 150 points. Catching it is an automatic win, but players can win points in other ways.

/I am not a huge nerd.
//No, really

Um... no.  It was a minor plot point in Book 4 that it was possible to win without taking the Snitch, but that the game couldn't end without it being caught.  In particular, the final Quidditch World Cup match involves a 160-150 game where the snitch was taken by the losing team.

So, take heart, you're not a huge nerd.

/huge nerd
//still not as huge a nerd as the nerds running around a field with broomsticks tucked between their legs


I believe there was also a reference in the books to a game lasting multiple days because the snitch couldn't be found.
 
2014-04-07 09:29:34 AM  

Ishkur: His only choice at that point is to prevent the other team's Seeker from catching the snitch, thereby ensuring that the game continues indefinitely, and then do whatever he can to aid his own team in getting back into the game. They might be able to pull it out, crazier things in sports have happened. There is no other choice. They're there to win the farking game, not make it close.


Again - Ireland had gone up 160 points inside the first 10 minutes of the game. The ONLY reason Bulgaria was even hanging in it up to that point was because they were playing like dirty Bulgarians.

You tell me - what exactly are the miracles you would expect when the game is playing out like the World Series champs against the Little League Champs?

It was a logical decision, within the context of the book - Krum's only chance at winning the game for his team was to catch the snitch right off the bat, before Ireland had a chance to dominate. He missed that window, so he was left a choice of end it immediately and lose, or to let it continue, and lose by a lot.

Ishkur: They don't need to come all the way back. They just need to get under a 150 point deficit and tell Krum to catch the snitch.

He couldn't even do that right. So he's a worldclass athlete, yet he commits the cardinal blunder of the entire sport, a rule so simple and so absolute that it's probably the first thing they teach toddler Seekers in tee ball Quidditch: If you're down more than 150 points, DON'T CATCH THE farkING SNITCH.


And again - Ireland had run up a 150 point lead in less than 10 minutes.

I suppose if Krum managed to keep the World Cup going for the next 20 years while Bulgaria raised an entirely new set of world class quiddich players this strategy would work...
 
2014-04-07 01:52:03 PM  

Elegy: Again - Ireland had gone up 160 points inside the first 10 minutes of the game. The ONLY reason Bulgaria was even hanging in it up to that point was because they were playing like dirty Bulgarians.


How did they get to the Final if they were that bad? Were they relying on Krum to catch the snitch every time? Was the rest of the team that bad? So their strategy was to kiddy-bar-the-door, essentially not play at all, and go for the snitch pick victory? ......that's worse than Italian soccer.

Elegy: You tell me - what exactly are the miracles you would expect when the game is playing out like the World Series champs against the Little League Champs?


Aside from the fact that such a result has never happened in any championship game of any sport in human history? ...Really, in a championship game, the two teams are generally evenly matched. That doesn't mean blowouts do not occur (I mean hell, just look at the most recent Superbowl), but they usually take the entire contest to become blowouts.

And besides, what does a blowout mean in a sport with no time limit and no score ceiling? 10 minutes is nothing if they play for days. 150 points is miniscule if you can score as often as you want with no limits, no restraints or handicaps, ever.

Really, if you are losing badly, then the best strategy is to drag out a stalemate. Attack the opposing Seeker, play not to lose, so the game endures indefinitely. It would frustrate the hell out of your opponents because they have a huge lead and can't complete the victory, and that might even throw them off their game, opening things up for a possible comeback. Such strategy has successfully worked before in contests with no ceiling or time limit (like, for instance, war).

Can you imagine a game where a team might have a lead in the tens of thousands but they can't end it because the opposing team won't let their Seeker catch the snitch? ....that'd be hilariously successful (and by successful I mean awful) to watch and play.

Elegy: It was a logical decision, within the context of the book - Krum's only chance at winning the game for his team was to catch the snitch right off the bat, before Ireland had a chance to dominate. He missed that window, so he was left a choice of end it immediately and lose, or to let it continue, and lose by a lot.


That's not a logical decision. The logical decision is to win the game. If victory is not achievable, then you prevent the other team from winning. As soon as that 160th point is scored, Bulgaria switches strategy from "try to win" to "try not to lose". Krum is a god damn dumbass.

Losing by a little is irrelevant. Losing by a lot is irrelevant. It's still losing, the score is unimportant. The grand strategy is not to lose. No one can win or lose if the game never ends.
 
2014-04-07 03:05:46 PM  

Ishkur: How did they get to the Final if they were that bad? Were they relying on Krum to catch the snitch every time? Was the rest of the team that bad? So their strategy was to kiddy-bar-the-door, essentially not play at all, and go for the snitch pick victory? ......that's worse than Italian soccer.


I believe that it either stated or implied in the book that Krum is the only reason Bulgaria won games - he caught the snitch fast enough that the other team just didn't have the time to score 16 times. I could be wrong, of course, it's been a few years since I last read the books or played "let's see how much trivia it takes to frighten people" with my friends, but I think that is the case. The Bulgarian team was just straight-up awful, except for their Seeker, who was the best ever, or something like that.
 
2014-04-07 03:58:51 PM  
And right afterwards, they all run around in formation and call it an "air show".
 
2014-04-07 04:23:21 PM  
On the one hand this seems silly and I can't imagine participating despite enjoying the harry potter books.

On the other hand I cannot in good conscience criticize young people who clearly enjoy this voluntary athletic activity despite the ridicule they must endure.

Summary: I will allow it and think it is ultimately a healthy activity that harms no one. Shame on the naysayers.
 
2014-04-07 04:33:20 PM  

JohnBigBootay: On the one hand this seems silly .... Shame on the naysayers.


So, which hand are you shaming?
 
2014-04-07 05:13:59 PM  

Ishkur: Nerd rage


Whoah, you might want to check that before you have a coronary. There seemed to be some confusion in this thread over how the events in the book played out - all I was doing was trying to fill in the gaps, not start a rage war.

The only thing I really want to address that you said is this:
Aside from the fact that such a result has never happened in any championship game of any sport in human history? ...Really, in a championship game, the two teams are generally evenly matched. That doesn't mean blowouts do not occur (I mean hell, just look at the most recent Superbowl), but they usually take the entire contest to become blowouts.

I think the problem here is that you don't watch sports much. I can think of a handful of examples off the bat in just the past few years, many more if I cared enough to google (and I don't).

Alabama - Notre Dame anyone?

Blowouts in championships happen ALL THE DAMN TIME. Quite frequently due to the very same reasons portrayed in the book - 1 team is better all around, one team has a superstar that has dragged his mediocre teammates along to the championship with him. That one good player gets shut down, and the championship game ends up being a romp.

Happens. All. The. Time.

Aside from that:
I believe that it either stated or implied in the book that Krum is the only reason Bulgaria won games - he caught the snitch fast enough that the other team just didn't have the time to score 16 times.

That is an accurate summary of how the world championship match is portrayed in the books. It hangs together as a plot device .

If you disagree with it, fine, but I'm not the one that wrote the damn things.

Write a letter to Rowling if it perturbs you this badly.
 
2014-04-07 05:53:45 PM  

Elegy: I think the problem here is that you don't watch sports much.


I've played five sports at high level organized competitive play throughout my life and I referee and coach three of them. In fact, it is the MOST ESSENTIAL reason why I find the Quidditch World Cup Final so offensive: It doesn't resemble any natural strategic behavior in any competitive discipline that has presumably been going on for hundreds of years.

Seriously: The rules of Quidditch are so illogical that if it were a real sport, game theory strategists would have completely broken it inside of a year. There is nothing that can prevent a team from maintaining a game indefinitely through snitch-protection systematics, and that is indeed what they would do if they knew they were outmatched.

Every sport emphasizes defensive systems play for maximum return. Hockey with the left-wing lock, neutral zone trap and 1-4 collapse, basketball with the zone, soccer with the 4-5-1. There is no mention of any tactics, stratagems or formations in ANY Quidditch contest in ANY Harry Potter book or movie (Because JK Rowling doesn't watch sports and her description of Quidditch is just stuff she ripped off soccer World Cup fandom as a cursory observer every four years, but she doesn't understand the innate mechanics behind sports at all), and as far as we can tell, it just looks like a busy bee free-for-all. This is not sound strategy and a run n gun team will get defeated by a disciplined team playing sound, positional defense every time.

Defense always wins championships. The Seahawks did it. Team Canada did it in the Olympics. And in Quidditch it is deceptively easy to do it since the game itself is meaningless. Only the snitch matters. Keep it from getting caught and you will never lose (you'll never win either, but it's far more important to prevent yourself from losing than attempt to win).

Elegy: Blowouts in championships happen ALL THE DAMN TIME.


Yes. I even said that. But not in the first 10 minutes. And never did the losing team decide to quit at halftime because they felt they weren't going to win.

That's essentially what Krum did: He quit at half time. No, he quit after the first quarter. Actually, he quit before the game started, since Quidditch doesn't have a time limit. Again: A blowout is meaningless if you have forever to make it all back.

Elegy: That is an accurate summary of how the world championship match is portrayed in the books. It hangs together as a plot device .


Sure. But its the equivalent plot device of the best baseball player hitting a homerun and then forgetting to round the bases, until the team grabs the ball and tags him out. That's how dumb Krum's play was.

He grabbed the snitch, thereby guaranteeing his team the solid loss. Think he deserves MVP for that?
 
Displayed 39 of 39 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report