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(NYPost)   So I'm guilty, eh? Whatever. Can I get a drink?   (nypost.com) divider line 79
    More: Dumbass, Margaritaville, brooklyn federal court, minimum sentence, Akeem Monsalvatge  
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8112 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Apr 2014 at 10:12 PM (25 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-04-05 07:42:49 PM
Sorry pal, it's going to be orange drink fermented under a radiator for you.
 
2014-04-05 07:45:08 PM
mandatory minimum sentence of 32 years.

www.themonolith.com
 
2014-04-05 07:49:49 PM
LAUGHTER OL of course he cannot be provided with the drinking because that would be to treat this individual like the human as opposed to the commodity in the for profit prison system although this probably will be the new idea which would be to use the commissary account for the alcoholic beverages. The rule of this would also require the overnight stay in the drinking house to avoid any of the problems with the drunkenness. Do something stupid and you lose the privilege of this. You can do this once the month with the cap of 3 drinks. The room of the evening would cost $20 for you which is quite the bit in the commissary. Each drink would cost to you $10 for the beer or as they call this in the New York City happy hour pricing LAUGHTER OL.
 
2014-04-05 08:09:58 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2014-04-05 08:26:19 PM
Afterward, the childhood pals set out on a shopping spree from Manhattan to Beverly Hills, buying such luxury items as $1,600 Christian Louboutin shoes and $600 Louis Vuitton belts.

They deserve 30 years just for spending so much money on tacky.
 
2014-04-05 08:47:57 PM
"They used masks and costumes to elude law enforcement, but as they have learned today, their disguises could not shield them from justice,"

t2.gstatic.com
 
2014-04-05 09:18:45 PM
During the heist, the men flashed an employee a photo of her house to intimidate her. Cops found the picture at the scene and traced it to a nearby Walgreen's, where surveillance footage showed one of the men buying a printout of the image.

That's so cool. I think I might rob a bank if I wasn't 100% sure I'd make some weird mistake like this.
 
2014-04-05 09:45:28 PM
Aping the crooks in the film, the men wore masks and splashed the scene with bleach.

thatsracistkid.gif
 
2014-04-05 10:20:54 PM
i157.photobucket.com
 
2014-04-05 10:22:03 PM
Pruno. Know it, live it, love it
 
2014-04-05 10:24:13 PM
"Do I get a last wish?" Akeem Monsalvatge asked Judge Raymond Dearie. "I feel like it's an execution. Do I get a last meal? Can I get a Patrón margarita?"

www.morethings.com

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather have a ... White Russian?"

www.morethings.com

"White Russian ... I get it. White Russian, 'cause I'm black. That's a funny joke."
 
2014-04-05 10:24:20 PM
Rookie mistake:  They should have dressed like Goldman-Sachs employees, no one would have batted an eye.
 
2014-04-05 10:24:46 PM

God-is-a-Taco: During the heist, the men flashed an employee a photo of her house to intimidate her. Cops found the picture at the scene and traced it to a nearby Walgreen's, where surveillance footage showed one of the men buying a printout of the image.

That's so cool. I think I might rob a bank if I wasn't 100% sure I'd make some weird mistake like this.


They should have worn the masks to the Walgreen's.
 
2014-04-05 10:25:53 PM
Interesting how the article explains to the world what they did wrong so you can do it right next time.
 
2014-04-05 10:26:15 PM
I always figured "lavish spending" was one of the ways to get noticed after a big score in a heist .. what the hell is wrong with heading to a nice beach and drinking and womanizing until your liver is as hard as the jail time you've avoided?
 
2014-04-05 10:30:44 PM

dobro: Interesting how the article explains to the world what they did wrong so you can do it right next time.


Won't help. Gyrfalcon's Law has never been disproven.
 
Ral
2014-04-05 10:36:14 PM
A condemned man asking for Patron, of all the possible tequilas to choose from, illustrates more than anything for me how big of a tool this guy is.  Patron is, at best, a mediocre tequila even for mixed drinks.  I don't care how much it costs.  That's no guide to how good it is.  He only thinks it's baller because of the music he listens to and the celebrities he attempts to emulate.

/Sauza Hornitos is $16 a bottle and way better tequila than Patron
//friend is a bartender who thinks people who order Patron shots are hilarious
 
2014-04-05 10:39:08 PM

dobro: Interesting how the article explains to the world what they did wrong so you can do it right next time.


I would hope there were other things that pointed them at the suspects which they weren't obligated to reveal in court, but yes it does seem overly detailed in listing all the things that made it possible to catch them, doesn't it?

Ghost Roach: I always figured "lavish spending" was one of the ways to get noticed after a big score in a heist .. what the hell is wrong with heading to a nice beach and drinking and womanizing until your liver is as hard as the jail time you've avoided?


That's not "gangsta" enough, apparently.  You gotta buy $1,600 shoes to show how loaded you are.

As far as I'm concerned, if you're going to spend more than $500 on a single piece of clothing it had better protect you from bullets, let you climb walls, be made of something REALLY exotic, or do something naughty to those "special" areas.
 
2014-04-05 10:40:34 PM

gfid: God-is-a-Taco: During the heist, the men flashed an employee a photo of her house to intimidate her. Cops found the picture at the scene and traced it to a nearby Walgreen's, where surveillance footage showed one of the men buying a printout of the image.

That's so cool. I think I might rob a bank if I wasn't 100% sure I'd make some weird mistake like this.

They should have worn the masks to the Walgreen's.


DAMMIT!
 
2014-04-05 10:41:17 PM

Ral: A condemned man asking for Patron, of all the possible tequilas to choose from, illustrates more than anything for me how big of a tool this guy is.  Patron is, at best, a mediocre tequila even for mixed drinks.  I don't care how much it costs.  That's no guide to how good it is.  He only thinks it's baller because of the music he listens to and the celebrities he attempts to emulate.

/Sauza Hornitos is $16 a bottle and way better tequila than Patron
//friend is a bartender who thinks people who order Patron shots are hilarious


My own bartender ex-girlfriend is a fan of Milagro.  She does however enjoy Patron too.  It IS a good tequila, it's just a lot more costly than what it should be because of brand recognition and whatnot.
 
2014-04-05 10:43:51 PM

doglover: mandatory minimum sentence of 32 years.

[www.themonolith.com image 292x302]


Simple. They dared to fark with the money.

They'd get less time if they just hurt or killed somebody, but they dared to fark with the money.
 
2014-04-05 10:48:25 PM
Oh yeah, these idiots. grupycatgood.jpg

dobro:

Interesting how the article explains to the world what they did wrong so you can do it right next time.

The cases was quite the media shiatstorm in '10. Every little detail was breathlessly reported on.
 
2014-04-05 11:00:24 PM

Ral: A condemned man asking for Patron, of all the possible tequilas to choose from, illustrates more than anything for me how big of a tool this guy is.  Patron is, at best, a mediocre tequila even for mixed drinks.  I don't care how much it costs.  That's no guide to how good it is.  He only thinks it's baller because of the music he listens to and the celebrities he attempts to emulate.

/Sauza Hornitos is $16 a bottle and way better tequila than Patron
//friend is a bartender who thinks people who order Patron shots are hilarious


Oh a bartender? Well a lifetime of popping beer caps for 2 bucks a hour certainly qualifies them as a tequila expert.
 
2014-04-05 11:00:29 PM

doglover: mandatory minimum sentence of 32 years.

[www.themonolith.com image 292x302]


Yeah...wut?! Let's see...simple armed robbery with no one getting hurt gets a  MINIMUM sentence of 32 years? Fark me, New York, this bullshiat is why you can't have nice things.

From another article: "A recent report found the city's annual cost per inmate was $167,731 in 2012."

So lessee, in today dollars $167,731 x 3 guys x 32 years = $16,102,176. That's SIXTEEN MILLION DOLLARS. The city is going to spend more than twice what these guys stole the very first year of their incarceration. And then they're going to keep doing it for 30+ more years. Good luck with that.
 
2014-04-05 11:05:11 PM
/approves

i2.cdn.turner.com
 
2014-04-05 11:06:55 PM

gfid: God-is-a-Taco: During the heist, the men flashed an employee a photo of her house to intimidate her. Cops found the picture at the scene and traced it to a nearby Walgreen's, where surveillance footage showed one of the men buying a printout of the image.

That's so cool. I think I might rob a bank if I wasn't 100% sure I'd make some weird mistake like this.

They should have worn the masks to the Walgreen's.


farking THIS. Those guys get a thank you when they're done farking us in the ass. GET IT RIGHT, N00BS!!
 
2014-04-05 11:06:56 PM

meow said the dog: LAUGHTER OL of course he cannot be provided with the drinking because that would be to treat this individual like the human as opposed to the commodity in the for profit prison system although this probably will be the new idea which would be to use the commissary account for the alcoholic beverages. The rule of this would also require the overnight stay in the drinking house to avoid any of the problems with the drunkenness. Do something stupid and you lose the privilege of this. You can do this once the month with the cap of 3 drinks. The room of the evening would cost $20 for you which is quite the bit in the commissary. Each drink would cost to you $10 for the beer or as they call this in the New York City happy hour pricing LAUGHTER OL.


That was poetry.
 
2014-04-05 11:08:51 PM

Ghost Roach: I always figured "lavish spending" was one of the ways to get noticed after a big score in a heist


i.ytimg.com

Learned this the hard way.
 
2014-04-05 11:10:34 PM

Gyrfalcon: dobro: Interesting how the article explains to the world what they did wrong so you can do it right next time.

Won't help. Gyrfalcon's Law has never been disproven.


At least the article didn't explain what a successful criminal did correctly.
 
2014-04-05 11:12:17 PM

Stone Meadow: doglover: mandatory minimum sentence of 32 years.

[www.themonolith.com image 292x302]

Yeah...wut?! Let's see...simple armed robbery with no one getting hurt gets a  MINIMUM sentence of 32 years? Fark me, New York, this bullshiat is why you can't have nice things.

From another article: "A recent report found the city's annual cost per inmate was $167,731 in 2012."

So lessee, in today dollars $167,731 x 3 guys x 32 years = $16,102,176. That's SIXTEEN MILLION DOLLARS. The city is going to spend more than twice what these guys stole the very first year of their incarceration. And then they're going to keep doing it for 30+ more years. Good luck with that.


Are you actually white knighting armed robbery?
 
2014-04-05 11:13:48 PM

Ral: illustrates more than anything


Spending $600 for a god damn belt didn't illustrate it for you?  Granted, the style these days is to show everyone that you take it up the ass by sagging your jeans, but you can buy a belt for $20.

Tequila is the first liquor I got drunk on so it all tastes like distilled hell to me.
 
2014-04-05 11:29:51 PM
Sorry pal, the drinks aren't on the house; they're in the house -- the big house.
 
2014-04-05 11:29:51 PM

God-is-a-Taco: During the heist, the men flashed an employee a photo of her house to intimidate her. Cops found the picture at the scene and traced it to a nearby Walgreen's, where surveillance footage showed one of the men buying a printout of the image.

That's so cool. I think I might rob a bank if I wasn't 100% sure I'd make some weird mistake like this.


I've had this conversation with friends bored and after too many beers, and the consensus is that a smart enough person who puts enough effort into it can figure out a close to "perfect crime", but there's always going to be the "random chance" factor.  It's going to be some stupid little thing that  slips through because it's impossible to prepare for every possible contingency. (The unexpected traffic accident/off duty cop who happened to be in the store at that moment/prior night's water pipe burst that sends technicians to where you hid the whatever device...).

Most intelligent but greedy people realize it's just not worth the risk.  So people with more balls than brains wind up being the ones getting caught.
 
2014-04-05 11:30:14 PM
I live in a little town of 200 folks. Some dude robbed the bank here yesterday. Awesome disguise too.
 
2014-04-05 11:30:40 PM
he's confusing conviction with the death penalty

although you probably don't even get a margarita then anymore, do you?


/sad state of affairs
 
2014-04-05 11:31:53 PM

Abacus9: Stone Meadow: doglover: mandatory minimum sentence of 32 years.

[www.themonolith.com image 292x302]

Yeah...wut?! Let's see...simple armed robbery with no one getting hurt gets a  MINIMUM sentence of 32 years? Fark me, New York, this bullshiat is why you can't have nice things.

From another article: "A recent report found the city's annual cost per inmate was $167,731 in 2012."

So lessee, in today dollars $167,731 x 3 guys x 32 years = $16,102,176. That's SIXTEEN MILLION DOLLARS. The city is going to spend more than twice what these guys stole the very first year of their incarceration. And then they're going to keep doing it for 30+ more years. Good luck with that.

Are you actually white knighting armed robbery?


There are punishments other than jail. Jail time is the stupidest idea anyone's ever come up with. It does nothing but destroy people. 32 years in jail minimum? That's worse than the punishment reserved for high treason. All it will do is destroy them, and if they even survive they will continue to be a burden to society because they'll be too old to work, too unemployable to get jobs even if they weren't felons, and they'll probably wind up robbing another bank just to go back to jail where there's food and blankets.

They've successfully stolen a few million more dollars from us all and we've reinforced their particular chapter of the 415 KUMI by giving them two more potential thugs. 32 years is a life sentence and if you're in for what's gonna be life, why not add another lifetime on top of that and kill some Aryan Brotherhood leader with your toothbrush shiv in exchange for some butt smuggled drugs or a few hundred in your commissary account? It's the kind of thing that happens in prisons.

Meanwhile, if we just had them to do menial labor for low pay till the money they stole was repaid and take them on a tour of local high schools in chains to explain to the kids that if you want to rob a bank, you have to work your way up to manager first or this will be your fate we'd wind up doing basically the same exact sentence but, and this is really the crux of the issue, it would be morally acceptable. We'd be training them for life in the real world by giving them at least a decade of vocational experience. We could even teach them some of the trades. Give them some books on plumbing. What else do you have to do while in a prison cell but read? We might actually rehabilitate them into productive citizens by the end of such a work program. Always gonna be clogged toilets. Instead of lining a private prison's pockets, they'd be paying taxes and , if they fark up, we could just shoot them dead on the spot. Bingo-bango.

And, with a lighter prisoner load from all the vice laws I would see repealed, prisons would actually have the resources to focus on rehabilitation, reintegration, and elimination as individual prisoners' needs and potential demanded.

But no one elects me king of everything. I'm always a write in.
 
2014-04-05 11:32:37 PM
d6673sr63mbv7.cloudfront.net
 
2014-04-05 11:35:20 PM
32 years in prison over a robbery with no casualties? This tough on crime bullshiat has to stop.
 
2014-04-05 11:36:04 PM
farking vodka, man!

076dd0a50e0c1255009e-bd4b8aabaca29897bc751dfaf75b290c.r40.cf1.rackcdn.com
 
2014-04-05 11:37:14 PM
Hell, if we dumped a quarter of the resources from the failed war on drugs into education for impoverished districts instead, the US might actually be number one at something academic.
 
2014-04-05 11:38:56 PM

Abacus9: Are you actually white knighting armed robbery?


I think he's just talking about consistency. 32 years seems pretty steep. Yeah I know they shouldn't have done it and they should be punished but people get less than that for murder.

Anyway, he should have asked for something 100 proof, make the most of it.
 
2014-04-05 11:40:23 PM

Abacus9: Stone Meadow: doglover: mandatory minimum sentence of 32 years.

[www.themonolith.com image 292x302]

Yeah...wut?! Let's see...simple armed robbery with no one getting hurt gets a  MINIMUM sentence of 32 years? Fark me, New York, this bullshiat is why you can't have nice things.

From another article: "A recent report found the city's annual cost per inmate was $167,731 in 2012."

So lessee, in today dollars $167,731 x 3 guys x 32 years = $16,102,176. That's SIXTEEN MILLION DOLLARS. The city is going to spend more than twice what these guys stole the very first year of their incarceration. And then they're going to keep doing it for 30+ more years. Good luck with that.

Are you actually white knighting armed robbery?


In New York the mandatory minimum sentence for first degree murder is 20 years. How do they come up with 32 years for a robbery in which no one was even injured, much less killed?

Or are you white knighting murderers?
 
2014-04-05 11:56:19 PM

doglover: Abacus9: Stone Meadow: doglover: mandatory minimum sentence of 32 years.

[www.themonolith.com image 292x302]

Yeah...wut?! Let's see...simple armed robbery with no one getting hurt gets a  MINIMUM sentence of 32 years? Fark me, New York, this bullshiat is why you can't have nice things.

From another article: "A recent report found the city's annual cost per inmate was $167,731 in 2012."

So lessee, in today dollars $167,731 x 3 guys x 32 years = $16,102,176. That's SIXTEEN MILLION DOLLARS. The city is going to spend more than twice what these guys stole the very first year of their incarceration. And then they're going to keep doing it for 30+ more years. Good luck with that.

Are you actually white knighting armed robbery?

There are punishments other than jail. Jail time is the stupidest idea anyone's ever come up with. It does nothing but destroy people. 32 years in jail minimum? That's worse than the punishment reserved for high treason. All it will do is destroy them, and if they even survive they will continue to be a burden to society because they'll be too old to work, too unemployable to get jobs even if they weren't felons, and they'll probably wind up robbing another bank just to go back to jail where there's food and blankets.

They've successfully stolen a few million more dollars from us all and we've reinforced their particular chapter of the 415 KUMI by giving them two more potential thugs. 32 years is a life sentence and if you're in for what's gonna be life, why not add another lifetime on top of that and kill some Aryan Brotherhood leader with your toothbrush shiv in exchange for some butt smuggled drugs or a few hundred in your commissary account? It's the kind of thing that happens in prisons.

Meanwhile, if we just had them to do menial labor for low pay till the money they stole was repaid and take them on a tour of local high schools in chains to explain to the kids that if you want to rob a bank, you have to work your way up to manager first or this will be your fate we'd wind up doing basically the same exact sentence but, and this is really the crux of the issue, it would be morally acceptable. We'd be training them for life in the real world by giving them at least a decade of vocational experience. We could even teach them some of the trades. Give them some books on plumbing. What else do you have to do while in a prison cell but read? We might actually rehabilitate them into productive citizens by the end of such a work program. Always gonna be clogged toilets. Instead of lining a private prison's pockets, they'd be paying taxes and , if they fark up, we could just shoot them dead on the spot. Bingo-bango.

And, with a lighter prisoner load from all the vice laws I would see repealed, prisons would actually have the resources to focus on rehabilitation, reintegration, and elimination as individual prisoners' needs and potential demanded.

But no one elects me king of everything. I'm always a write in.


Tldr, Tolstoy. Just put a bullet in their head. Bullets are cheap, I guess. I don't know, are bullets cheap?
 
2014-04-06 12:01:01 AM

Stone Meadow: Abacus9: Stone Meadow: doglover: mandatory minimum sentence of 32 years.

[www.themonolith.com image 292x302]

Yeah...wut?! Let's see...simple armed robbery with no one getting hurt gets a  MINIMUM sentence of 32 years? Fark me, New York, this bullshiat is why you can't have nice things.

From another article: "A recent report found the city's annual cost per inmate was $167,731 in 2012."

So lessee, in today dollars $167,731 x 3 guys x 32 years = $16,102,176. That's SIXTEEN MILLION DOLLARS. The city is going to spend more than twice what these guys stole the very first year of their incarceration. And then they're going to keep doing it for 30+ more years. Good luck with that.

Are you actually white knighting armed robbery?

In New York the mandatory minimum sentence for first degree murder is 20 years. How do they come up with 32 years for a robbery in which no one was even injured, much less killed?

Or are you white knighting murderers?


Interesting logic, but no. How about execute murderers and take violent crime seriously?
 
2014-04-06 12:11:35 AM

Abacus9: Just put a bullet in their head.


Because, in the execution of their crime no one was hurt but insurance companies and they showed a hell of a lot more brain power than anyone on Fark.com ever has. It's not quite the same as one of Dick Turpin's bungling attacks.

Also, bullets are wasteful and messy. A guillotine or sword works just fine, if it comes to that.
 
2014-04-06 12:15:08 AM
You would think these village idiots learn from this, it seems to be the same ol story - they get rich and blow the money within minutes on items they clearly can't afford.

Remembered a story of this guy who worked for an armored car company, his buddy and him decided to rob the armored car and stash the money, the police and FBI were dumbstruck, until his ol lady started buying up every expensive item in the town.
They planned to stash the money for a number of years, only use the money to pay off bills and such, not over spend. Didn't take long for the one dudes wife to start buying up thousands of dollars in antiques and a million dollar home.

/the wife was so greedy she tried to buy a million dollar home, and sell her double wide through the bank, didn't take long before chief wiggum to figure this one out.
 
2014-04-06 12:16:32 AM
Kanye let himself go now...
 
2014-04-06 12:17:02 AM

Abacus9: Tldr, Tolstoy. Just put a bullet in their head. Bullets are cheap, I guess. I don't know, are bullets cheap?


Not anymore. Thanks Obama.
 
2014-04-06 12:22:29 AM
Do'h!
 
2014-04-06 12:27:23 AM
*inserts obligatory "pedophiles do less time than that" line*
 
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