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(Foodbeast)   Here are 31 beautiful, simple ways to drink coffee. Thanks, I'll take it black   (foodbeast.com) divider line 81
    More: Interesting, cappuccinos  
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5630 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Apr 2014 at 10:14 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



81 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-04-05 02:56:45 AM  
OP must be racist since he wants his coffee,,,,,black!   (Sorry, I'm from Seattle- I had to go for the joke)
 
2014-04-05 03:17:20 AM  
Step one: replace coffee beans with cacao beans.
Step two: there is no step two.

www.thismamacooks.com
 
2014-04-05 08:10:33 AM  

Trailltrader: OP must be racist since he wants his coffee,,,,,black!   (Sorry, I'm from Seattle- I had to go for the joke)


OP? I think you have Fark confused with 4chan. And Seattle confused with anything other than a corporate headquarters.

/ mix a pinch of cayenne pepper and sugar together. Add a tiny splash of water, to get them to blend into a paste. Add to coffee. Enjoy.
 
2014-04-05 08:49:06 AM  
The best coffee I ever had was in a ricotta factory just outside of Rome. They stirred a bit of fresh sweet ricotta into espresso and it was insanely good. Never had anything to top that.
 
2014-04-05 10:18:06 AM  
lots of cream, lots of sugar
 
2014-04-05 10:19:36 AM  
Stupid farking hipsters. Just give me a damn coffee.
 
2014-04-05 10:21:38 AM  
Beans. Grinder.  French press.  Little sugar.  Little milk.

That is all.
 
2014-04-05 10:22:05 AM  
I like my sugar with coffee and cream.
 
2014-04-05 10:24:28 AM  
livingincinema.com
 
2014-04-05 10:24:48 AM  
I like my coffee like my women. Ground up and in bags.
 
2014-04-05 10:26:27 AM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-04-05 10:29:21 AM  
A lot of those seem anything but simple...

What happened to my heavily sweetened boiled greek/turkish/israeli coffee with a chaser of water?
 
2014-04-05 10:30:20 AM  
Quiz Time:  Male Strip Revue or Form of Coffee Preparation?

Wiener Melange
Double Sexpresso
Thunder From Downunder
Polska
Poleskeet
Mansauce
Slow Drip
Kumen Kaffi
Dunkin' Donuts
Donut Dunkers
Starbucks
Youngbucks
French Press
Cafe Crema
Floppity Beef-logs Packed Into Speedos
 
2014-04-05 10:33:43 AM  
www.foodservicedirect.com
 
2014-04-05 10:39:48 AM  
Where's the Armenian coffee?
 
2014-04-05 10:40:54 AM  
Between Thanksgiving and the first half of January, I hit Starbucks every now and then for an eggnog latte.   Very tasty.
 
2014-04-05 10:42:17 AM  
I've been trying "Bulletproof" coffee for the last several weeks.  One cup seems to get me through the day pretty well, though I don't yet know if it will result in any sort of actual weight loss or if I will just collapse dead sooner because every one of my arteries is clogged shut.

1 cup of good coffee
1 Table spoon of grass-fed butter
1 tsp coconut oil

- Blend w/ blender

/the website for this stuff pushes expensive coffee and MCT oil, but I'm pretty skeptical of that part
 
2014-04-05 10:43:05 AM  
Pity they didn't include that ultra-sweet coffee they drink on the Canary Islands. It's made with condensed milk. I can't remember the name.
 
2014-04-05 10:43:40 AM  
We discovered "flat white" coffee last time we were in London. I guess it's more of an espresso, but it was damn good.
 
2014-04-05 10:46:46 AM  
If you wanted a cup of milk and sugar, why'd you order coffee?
 
2014-04-05 10:49:23 AM  
I've been doing the pinch-of-salt thing since I've found out about it and it does make the coffee slightly better, IMO.  If I forget, no big deal.  And if I have a really high quality light roast I don't do it. More for the cheapo coffees (I am no coffee snob by any means).

http://blog.khymos.org/2010/03/21/a-pinch-of-salt-for-your-coffee-si r/
 
2014-04-05 10:49:49 AM  

untaken_name: If you wanted a cup of milk and sugar, why'd you order coffee?


Because I ordered coffee, not some burnt to shiat hipster drink.
 
2014-04-05 10:51:49 AM  
I love cardamom coffee, buy it at the middle eastern grocery. Drink it hot and strong, sugar, no cream.
 
2014-04-05 10:52:31 AM  

RoyBatty: A lot of those seem anything but simple...

What happened to my heavily sweetened boiled greek/turkish/israeli coffee with a chaser of water?


I had a Turkish coffee once, no cream just equal parts boiling water and coffee grounds. I was shaking like Micheal J Fox without his meds after that.
 
2014-04-05 11:03:45 AM  

AbiNormal: RoyBatty: A lot of those seem anything but simple...

What happened to my heavily sweetened boiled greek/turkish/israeli coffee with a chaser of water?

I had a Turkish coffee once, no cream just equal parts boiling water and coffee grounds. I was shaking like Micheal J Fox without his meds after that.


1-media-cdn.foolz.us
 
2014-04-05 11:10:15 AM  
Black in a foam cup. Costing no more then a buck.
 
2014-04-05 11:14:29 AM  
The Vienna and Irish coffees are the only ones that look drinkable.

// coffee with a splash of 1/2 and 1/2 preferred
/// Irish coffee should NEVER be made with Irish Cream Liqueur. Always whiskey.
 
2014-04-05 11:16:35 AM  

b0rg9: I've been doing the pinch-of-salt thing since I've found out about it and it does make the coffee slightly better, IMO.


I don't know what it is, but the coffee at a friend's house is consistently shiatty.  It's not the grounds and I don't think it's the water since we're in the same area.  It's not even the coffeemaker, since he's had several of them.  The coffee just ends up with this weird bitter tang to it.  Maybe it's a pipes thing and it is the water.

Anyway, a pinch of salt smooths it right out.  Adds a "creamy" texture to the flavor.
 
2014-04-05 11:28:34 AM  

abhorrent1: Stupid farking hipsters. Just give me a damn coffee.


There was a hipster-esque coffee shop I used to stop by on my way to work.  They were actually very nice people, but before they got used to me they'd look confused when I'd order a large coffee.

"Okay, what kind, espresso, latte, frappuccino...?"
"No, man, I would've said so.  One.  Large.  Coffee."
"You mean just..."
"One.  Large.  Coffee."

/was some damned fine coffee.
 
2014-04-05 11:33:26 AM  
the link looks like there are 504.
 
2014-04-05 11:33:52 AM  

RoyBatty: A lot of those seem anything but simple...

What happened to my heavily sweetened boiled greek/turkish/israeli coffee with a chaser of water?



i'm almost ready to give turkish coffee a go again....last one i had was 3 years ago and it was flavored with 'damla sakiz'... it was so bad to me...all i could taste for 3 days was damla sakiz. i farking hate it. even now just the smell of it makes me feel ill.
 
2014-04-05 11:34:01 AM  
My regular home cuppa is a tall espresso with a pinch of salt, sugar w/molasses, and half-n-half. If a guest would like coffee at my house, this is what they get.
 
2014-04-05 11:38:53 AM  
Tempted to try the one with honey and cinnamon sometime.  Most days, I just use my AeroPress to approximate an Americano.
 
2014-04-05 11:41:07 AM  

Ablejack: My regular home cuppa is a tall espresso with a pinch of salt, sugar w/molasses, and half-n-half. If a guest would like coffee at my house, this is what they get.


That sounds good. I'd gladly try it if it was offered.
 
2014-04-05 11:42:26 AM  
Some of those don't tempt me but I'd still try them all.

What's with the random bolding in the 'article'?
bad weather
 
2014-04-05 11:43:22 AM  
I prefer my coffee like I like my women: dark and bitter.
 
2014-04-05 11:47:19 AM  
Like the nurse-anesthetist I had an affair with, I'll take mine black, thank you ..
 
2014-04-05 11:53:26 AM  

doglover: Step one: replace coffee beans with cacao beans.
Step two: there is no step two.

[www.thismamacooks.com image 620x288]


Thank goodness summer is almost here, I love making my joe the night before, chilling it and enjoying it cold in the morning.
 
2014-04-05 11:57:44 AM  
Isn't it great sometimes you make coffee and it just comes out perfectly, you take that first sip and you're like "lovely"?
Or when you make it a bit too strong (verging on nasty or violently strong), you take that first sip and you're like "whoa" and you have a mock seizure just for fun then you take another sip and you're like "ohyeah"?
 
2014-04-05 11:57:46 AM  
French roast with a splash of milk.
 
2014-04-05 11:58:10 AM  

limboslam: Where's the Armenian coffee?


Armenian coffee is just like Turkish coffee, only with some added honey to cover up the taste of genocide.
 
2014-04-05 12:00:45 PM  
I like my coffee like I like my ex's, ground up and stored in the freezer
 
2014-04-05 12:02:15 PM  
Thanks, I'll take it black

img.fark.net

Just like Subby takes his men.
 
2014-04-05 12:02:29 PM  
I like my women the way I like my coffee.

Tied in a burlap sack and slung over the back of a donkey by Juan Valdez.

/I don't really drink coffee

//Tea please
 
2014-04-05 12:02:32 PM  
I like my coffee like my women, Colombian and all over my lap when I'm driving
 
2014-04-05 12:02:54 PM  
I take my coffee like I take my women - in polite company.
 
2014-04-05 12:03:05 PM  

wambu: I prefer my coffee like I like my women: dark and bitter ground up and stored in the freezer.



FTFY
 
2014-04-05 12:05:52 PM  

Porous Horace: I take my coffee like I take my women - in polite company

anally.
 
2014-04-05 12:12:20 PM  
I'm not a big coffee drinker, but I enjoy Café Cubano if I'm eating at a Cuban place. It's pretty much rocket fuel, but served in small portions so it doesn't get me too wired unless I have several.
 
2014-04-05 12:13:58 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-04-05 12:17:31 PM  

Nuclear Monk: Porous Horace: I take my coffee like I take my women - in polite company anally.


Ok but get it right:

I take my coffee like I take my women: anally, in polite company.
 
2014-04-05 12:39:35 PM  

Mid_mo_mad_man: Black in a foam cup. Costing no more then a buck.


Bad coffee is like ordering a steak at a dive bar.  You can't explain why you like it, you just grab the salt shaker and enjoy it.
 
2014-04-05 12:43:31 PM  

untaken_name: If you wanted a cup of milk and sugar, why'd you order coffee?


To flavor the milk and sugar.  Duh.
 
2014-04-05 12:44:08 PM  
A cup of Ethiopian Yirgacheffe with just a bit of half & half for me.
 
2014-04-05 12:50:02 PM  
Sweet coffee is a lady's drink.  The only thing worse is when people add those palm oil & high fructose corn syrup based, hazelnut "flavored", preservative infused, coffee "lighteners" to their coffee.  That shiat's disgusting.
 
2014-04-05 01:06:14 PM  
Never understood the appeal of coffee. The flavor never lived up to the promise of the smell. Until I had an espresso. Bitter and smooth and not so big that it gets lukewarm.
And as a lover of dessert there is no more perfect dessert than an affogato. Simple and delicious.
 
2014-04-05 01:27:29 PM  

hlehmann: Sweet coffee is a lady's drink.  The only thing worse is when people add those palm oil & high fructose corn syrup based, hazelnut "flavored", preservative infused, coffee "lighteners" to their coffee.  That shiat's disgusting.


true.
 
2014-04-05 02:09:14 PM  

johnny queso: Never understood the appeal of coffee. The flavor never lived up to the promise of the smell. Until I had an espresso. Bitter and smooth and not so big that it gets lukewarm.
And as a lover of dessert there is no more perfect dessert than an affogato. Simple and delicious.


I don't drink coffee, but will drink espresso.

Also  love Kaluha.
 
2014-04-05 02:09:42 PM  
I make it myself, right back there, with a little lemon twist. It's good; you should try it.

s2.dmcdn.net
 
2014-04-05 02:10:34 PM  

Strix occidentalis: Tempted to try the one with honey and cinnamon sometime.  Most days, I just use my AeroPress to approximate an Americano.


Yup, this. It looks divine, or at least interesting.

/Cardamom or salt in coffee...that's interesting...I may try it today
 
2014-04-05 02:15:51 PM  

Mister Peejay: I like my sugar with coffee and cream.


You gotta fight for your right.....


Beastie boys rule
 
2014-04-05 02:22:38 PM  
I have gotten some strange looks when I order a 12 ounce black in coffee shops.

At home, about twice a year I will load up my mug with 4+ heaping tablespoons worth of sugar.
For the first two thirds of the mug it is good, then it turns way to sweet.
Just for something different.

The rest of the time it is dark roast plain black coffee.
 
2014-04-05 02:24:32 PM  
This is my machine, a Latissima Plus.
http://youtu.be/V5JBNxCzDeQ?t=52s
Foams milk or half&half without trouble and has worked well for over a year now.
Expensive coffee capsules, though. You're not saving much over Starbucks.
 
2014-04-05 02:25:05 PM  
I like my coffee the way I like my men:

Ground up and in the freezer.
 
2014-04-05 03:15:42 PM  

CheapEngineer:


Took you long enough.
 
2014-04-05 03:41:34 PM  
Coffee with chicory. Splash of half-n-half.
 
2014-04-05 03:48:28 PM  
SVenus

This is my machine, a Latissima Plus.
Foams milk or half&half without trouble and has worked well for over a year now.
Expensive coffee capsules, though. You're not saving much over Starbucks.


Bought my Mom one of those 'capsule machines' by error from Walmart and was going to take it back, even though making one cup at a time was a good idea. The little coffee inserts were too expensive.

However I did find, of all places, on 'As Seen On TV' -- an infomercial sales spot, reusable inserts, with metal filters. I bought a set. So you pack one with coffee, drop it in the capsule slot and PRESTO! You have a cup of (cheap) good coffee. You get five in a pack, so you always have a fresh one to use. Dishwasher safe.

I would dearly love to visit a coffee shop which has a wall of bags of coffee you can buy and be able to buy a cup of one of those exotic brews instead of just the generic store brand. I don't want to pay $50 for a pound of coffee I've never tasted. I'd be willing to pay $10 for a cup of some rare brand though, just to taste it.

I rarely go to coffee shops anymore because all they ever serve is their own brand.

Oddly enough, one of the very best cups of coffee I ever had was instant. Of all places, it came from an early Kentucky Fried Chicken. They had, behind the counter, a dispenser that seemed filled with beans -- which was only a photograph behind the glass. Inside they filled it with their custom instant coffee and it measured out the right amount of power per cup. They added hot water.

The darn stuff was great! I was stunned. They don't carry the same stuff anymore, which is a shame because you couldn't tell it from real coffee. None of the many instant coffees I tried over the years even ever came close to being as good.

It tasted better than the Starbucks coffees I've had.
 
2014-04-05 03:59:13 PM  
Also: Fark off, Foodbeast. In Vienna, a "Melange" is just espresso and foamed milk. That's it. What you seem to be describing is a Kaisermelange.

/loved the coffee shops in Vienna, big-name or not
 
2014-04-05 05:56:13 PM  

ten foiled hats: abhorrent1: Stupid farking hipsters. Just give me a damn coffee.

There was a hipster-esque coffee shop I used to stop by on my way to work.  They were actually very nice people, but before they got used to me they'd look confused when I'd order a large coffee.

"Okay, what kind, espresso, latte, frappuccino...?"
"No, man, I would've said so.  One.  Large.  Coffee."
"You mean just..."
"One.  Large.  Coffee."

/was some damned fine coffee.


Word.  Every time I'm forced to go to a coffee shop I'm the only person in their drinking black coffee.  And no, I'm not tipping for somebody to pour me a cup of black coffee.

I hate coffee shops.
 
2014-04-05 06:18:32 PM  
Cafe Au Lait with beignets at Cafe Du Monde is the PERFECT way to have coffee!


i.imgur.com
 
2014-04-05 06:46:09 PM  
abhorent1

Stupid farking hipsters. Just give me a damn coffee.

THIS
 
2014-04-05 06:53:26 PM  

BigNumber12: Also: Fark off, Foodbeast. In Vienna, a "Melange" is just espresso and foamed milk. That's it. What you seem to be describing is a Kaisermelange.

/loved the coffee shops in Vienna, big-name or not


then you might laugh at this;  in 2009 I picked up a few phrases of german for a trip to Austria but all my coffee phrases were informed by viennese coffee culture.

four years later, I'm connecting through Stuttgart and ask for 'eine großer Schwarzer.'  The exasperated Deutsche had no idea what I was talking about and yelled at me.


/I clarified in english.
 
2014-04-05 09:12:02 PM  

bearcats1983: We discovered "flat white" coffee last time we were in London. I guess it's more of an espresso, but it was damn good.


It's very common in Australia and New Zealand. I think it was invented in Melbourne. If your barista has an Antipodean twang, you should be able to get a good one.
 
2014-04-05 09:15:52 PM  

mekkab: BigNumber12: Also: Fark off, Foodbeast. In Vienna, a "Melange" is just espresso and foamed milk. That's it. What you seem to be describing is a Kaisermelange.

/loved the coffee shops in Vienna, big-name or not

then you might laugh at this;  in 2009 I picked up a few phrases of german for a trip to Austria but all my coffee phrases were informed by viennese coffee culture.

four years later, I'm connecting through Stuttgart and ask for 'eine großer Schwarzer.'  The exasperated Deutsche had no idea what I was talking about and yelled at me.


/I clarified in english.


Ah, service sector employees in the German-speaking world.  I've never met your like.
 
2014-04-05 09:22:16 PM  
img1.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-04-06 12:17:48 AM  

Rik01: I would dearly love to visit a coffee shop which has a wall of bags of coffee you can buy and be able to buy a cup of one of those exotic brews instead of just the generic store brand. I don't want to pay $50 for a pound of coffee I've never tasted. I'd be willing to pay $10 for a cup of some rare brand though, just to taste it.

I rarely go to coffee shops anymore because all they ever serve is their own brand.

Oddly enough, one of the very best cups of coffee I ever had was instant. Of all places, it came from an early Kentucky Fried Chicken. They had, behind the counter, a dispenser that seemed filled with beans -- which was only a photograph behind the glass. Inside they filled it with their custom instant coffee and it measured out the right amount of power per cup. They added hot water.

The darn stuff was great! I was stunned. They don't carry the same stuff anymore, which is a shame because you couldn't tell it from real coffee. None of the many instant coffees I tried over the years even ever came close to being as good.

It tasted better than the Starbucks coffees I've had.


There are shops that sell exotic and rare coffees, and brew them to order. It's a niche market, so they're few and far between - most likely in large metro areas - but you can find anything on the internet these days. If you're ever in Santa Monica, I know of one downtown.

Do you think the instant coffee you got could've been Nescafe? Theirs is pretty damn good, when made strong enough.
 
2014-04-06 05:34:53 AM  
Dark and bitter with a hint of sweet, please...just like my women.
 
2014-04-06 06:44:14 AM  

Trillian Astra: Coffee with chicory. Splash of half-n-half.


Make that sweetened condensed milk and you have a Vietnamese coffee.
 
2014-04-06 09:10:16 AM  
I like coffee-flavored coffee. If I wanted a hot milkshake...  no, I don't think that would ever happen.
 
2014-04-06 07:54:17 PM  

Molavian: untaken_name: If you wanted a cup of milk and sugar, why'd you order coffee?

Because I ordered coffee, not some burnt to shiat hipster drink.


Hipster? I think you mean "trucker". That particular saying is a trucker's saying, not a hipster one. Not unless hipsters have been driving semis for 40 years. Also, burnt coffee is the fault of the person who made it, not the person who ordered it.
 
2014-04-06 07:56:51 PM  

DarkVader: untaken_name: If you wanted a cup of milk and sugar, why'd you order coffee?

To flavor the milk and sugar.  Duh.


Shame to waste good coffee on such a frivolous purpose. You can't polish a turd unless you put in a whole lot more time. effort, and energy than you really should on such a thing. In other words, just buy a polished rock, don't spend the time to polish turds. It's just not worth it.
 
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