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(The Week UK)   David Letterman's top 10 Top 10 lists, most of them back from when he was still funny   (theweek.co.uk) divider line 47
    More: Cool, David Letterman, Artie Lange, Parker Brothers, Late Show With David Letterman, understudy, Jack Frost, talk shows, Real Bad  
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5414 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 04 Apr 2014 at 1:27 PM (19 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-04-04 01:27:50 PM
I'm too lazy to look it up, but I clearly remember the last two on Top 10 Bob Barker Pet Peeves, delivevred by the man himself:

2.  Recent allegations that game shows are fixed
1.  Recent allegations that I'M fixed!
 
2014-04-04 01:29:36 PM
Clicked just to make sure "Amish Rake Fights" is there.  It is.

/would pay good money to watch that
 
2014-04-04 01:32:49 PM
The Four Man Lambada is my favorite top ten Winter Olympic sports.

/I don't care. And get the hell off mah lawn
 
2014-04-04 01:44:50 PM
Those were lame.  I'm not a David Letterman fan and find his humor cheesy.
 
2014-04-04 01:46:28 PM
Top Ten Chapter Titles in Dan Quayle's Book

10.
The Night I Got My Head Stuck in the White House Coke Machine
9. Pages for You to Color
8. The Woman Inside Me
7. Pop Tarts Is Tasty
6. Letterman: The Other Indiana Dumb Guy
5. The Time I Met President Bush
4. Pants Full of Macaroni!
3. Chapter Twoe
2. Which Is Lower: My Golf Handicap or My I.Q.?
1. The Year I Found Waldo

 /now you know
 
2014-04-04 01:49:08 PM

Buttknuckle: Those were lame.  I'm not a David Letterman fan and find his humor cheesy.


Oh yeah. Well, I don't own a TV and I find his humor amusing with hints of blueberries and coffee.
 
2014-04-04 01:53:05 PM
That Subway Punks one is a classic.
 
2014-04-04 01:53:47 PM

TheShavingofOccam123: Buttknuckle: Those were lame.  I'm not a David Letterman fan and find his humor cheesy.

Oh yeah. Well, I don't own a TV and I find his humor amusing with hints of blueberries and coffee.


Sounds like a good acid trip.
 
2014-04-04 02:11:35 PM
Topic that I remember as being particularly funny: Least  Known Norman Rockwell Paintings

Bad Clams
A Boy's First Dress

Also there was a household tip from someone connected to the Mafia: Drapes Don't Wear Shoes
 
2014-04-04 02:13:22 PM
"Time to make the doughnuts, YOU BASTARD!"
 
2014-04-04 02:13:23 PM
Top Ten Rejected Olympic Sports - February 7, 1994
10. Pantless Ski Jump
9. Synchronized Hockey
8. Four-Man Zamboni
7. Racketeering
6. Bobsled with Bob Barker, Bob Eubanks and Bob Hope
5. Really Drunk Luge
4. Lead Pipe Free-For-All
3. Bear-A-Slalom
2. Bobbitsledding
1. Freestyle Gillooly
 
2014-04-04 02:27:25 PM

yakmans_dad: Topic that I remember as being particularly funny: Least  Known Norman Rockwell Paintings

Bad Clams
A Boy's First Dress

Also there was a household tip from someone connected to the Mafia: Drapes Don't Wear Shoes


On a related note, there was a top 10 list of things that will get you in trouble in the Gotti household. One was "Forgetting that Wednesday is Prince Spaghetti Night." The top one was "Eating at Olive Garden," which also gets you in trouble in MY house.
 
2014-04-04 02:36:37 PM

Buttknuckle: Those were lame.  I'm not a David Letterman fan and find his humor cheesy.


Well his act is all about cheese.  Back in the 80s I thought it was rather funny cheese.  I think the move to the Ed Sullivan Theatre really hurt him; the whole tone became bigger and less funny.
 
2014-04-04 02:58:24 PM
February 3, 1986

Top 10 Expressions that Sound Dirty but Really Aren't

10. "Frosting the pastry"
 9. "Shooting hoops"
 8. "Jumping the turnstile"
 7. "Checking your oil"
 6. "Tethering the blimp"
 5. "Sending out for sushi"
 4. "Picnic on the grass"
 3. "Quarter-pounder at the Golden Arches"
 2. "Shaking hands with Abraham Lincoln"
 1. "Windsurfing on Mount Baldy"


/one of my all time favorites
 
2014-04-04 03:03:53 PM
The 66-year-old broadcaster has presented a late night talk show for 32 years. The first 21 were as host of Late Night with David Letterman on CBS and, since 1993, he has presented the Late Show with David Letterman on NBC.

encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
 
2014-04-04 03:23:13 PM
I liked the top ten least used hyphenated words, which contained "owl-flavored" and "Hitler-iffic".
 
2014-04-04 03:33:53 PM
#1. Buttafuoco, Buttafuoco, Buttafuoco!
 
2014-04-04 03:37:03 PM
Well, I was only 9 when he moved to CBS, so I don't remember the glory years of the original show. I do remember downloading a very short, very pixelated clip of Bob Dole's presentation of the top 10 ways to balance the budget not long after it aired in (I'm guessing) 1996. It only showed the number 1 answer ("Arkansas, sell it!" Hey-o!). This was high-tech stuff at the time.

/Cool story, bro
 
2014-04-04 03:46:09 PM
Loved this one:  Top 10 Rejected Crayloa Colors

10) Bruise Purple
9) Bus Station Brown
8) Exxon Spill Gray
7) Shecky Green
6) Scorched Flesh
5) Off Whitey
4) You`re Just Plain Yellow
3) Ochre Winfrey
2) Jaundice
1) Cholesterol Beige
 
2014-04-04 03:46:50 PM
I'm disappointed that his list of The Top 10 Party Schools wasn't included.  I heard from a friend that the university we attend was mentioned in it.
 
2014-04-04 03:50:00 PM

I'm pretty sure Jim Norton has a better 'lists of lists' of than Dave.



NSFW language but hilarious for those at home
www.dvdtalk.com
 
2014-04-04 04:13:42 PM
One of my faves from a President's Day Quiz:

If Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be:

a. Working on the gulf between the races.

b. Trying to close the inequality between rich and poor.

c. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
 
2014-04-04 04:19:07 PM

B.L.Z. Bub: Well, I was only 9 when he moved to CBS


Heh. I was a kid when he moved from mornings at NBC to late night. I'd watch him when we got a day off from school.

I still remember a bit that he did with "NYC-themed foods," including a hot dog painted to look like a subway car and "East River Jello" -- green Jello with little plastic people and trash stuck in it.
 
2014-04-04 04:31:10 PM

DrBear: One of my faves from a President's Day Quiz:

If Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be:

a. Working on the gulf between the races.

b. Trying to close the inequality between rich and poor.

c. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.


An oldie but a goodie.  I have never forgotten that one.
 
2014-04-04 04:44:17 PM
Letterman started getting on my nerves about 20 years ago, thank god he's going away....
 
2014-04-04 04:50:10 PM

DrBear: One of my faves from a President's Day Quiz:

If Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be:

a. Working on the gulf between the races.

b. Trying to close the inequality between rich and poor.

c. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.


d. Pointing at airplanes in the sky and yelling "Iron bird! Iron bird!"
 
2014-04-04 05:02:37 PM
I recall when GE took over NBC, Dave wanted to give one of their executives a fruit basket gift from Late Night.  But GE would have nothing to do with it, they sent a couple of obsequious asswipe douchebags to cut him off.  They were all like "Dave, you just can't do this".

All someone had to do was come out, accept the fruit basket, and banter around with Dave for a moment.  But they were just plain assholes about it.

Letterman never got over that.
 
2014-04-04 05:04:30 PM
MUJIBUR

and

SIRAJUL!
 
2014-04-04 05:05:42 PM
True Fact: My mom was the host of a children's show at WLWI-TV 13 in Indianapolis when Dave was the weekend weatherman. (She did not care for the man, to be honest.)
 
2014-04-04 05:12:08 PM
Top Ten Least Popular Pepperidge Farm Cookies

10. Asbestos Snaps
 9. Broccoloons
 8. Tainted Oyster Dainties
 7. Gravel Sandys
 6. Cinnamon Sharptons
 5. Cholesterol Chubbies
 4. Spackle Swirlies
 3. Mallomar Khaddafys
 2. Monkey Clumps
 1. Johnny Bench's Nut Cups

I'll aways have a sot spot for this one, since I've been using #1 as my fantasy baseball team name for over ten years.
 
2014-04-04 05:25:39 PM
I'm sad he's retiring. Now I'll never get a Big Ass Ham.
 
2014-04-04 05:44:36 PM

Crudbucket: I'm sad he's retiring. Now I'll never get a Big Ass Ham.


i.chzbgr.com
 
2014-04-04 06:33:26 PM
Campbell's Top 10 Least Popular Soups

10. Cream of Gristle
 9. Tomato Garagiola
 8. Old-fashioned Grease & Weasel
 7. Mink Bisque
 6. Turkey with Platformate
 5. Tap Water & Lawn Trimmings
 4. Turkish Prison Surprise
 3. Bryant Gumbo
 2. Sideburns 'n' Barley
 1. Manhattan-style Windex & Shrimp

Top 10 Least Popular Candy Bars

10. Lug-Nut
9. Turkish Prison Taffy
8. Hardened Toothpaste Mint Patties
7. Sunoco Resin Chews
6. Rev. Al's Marshmallow Medallions
 5. Mexican Monkey Brittle
 4. Good `n' Linty
 3. Two Musketeers & a Guy with a Hacking Cough
 2. Mookie Way
 1. Roger Ebert's Mystery Log

2 of my favorites
 
2014-04-04 06:44:59 PM

Crudbucket: I'm sad he's retiring. Now I'll never get a Big Ass Ham.


I think he wanted to outlast Jay. And he was smart to wait.

"The first time I was told to leave NBC. The second time I was asked to leave NBC. You see, that's the difference."

That is probably the most insightful comment I ever heard Jay Leno say.

"But hey everybody got a show so everything's fine."

That's now the second most insightful comment I ever heard Jay Leno say.
 
2014-04-04 07:28:19 PM
Top Ten Body Parts or Van Pattens:
10. Heart
9. Kidney
8. Vincent
7. Trachea
6. Joyce
5. James
4. Bladder
3. Timothy
2. Spleen
1. Dick.
 
2014-04-04 07:31:35 PM
My favorite by a long shot mainly because of No.1 and 5


Bigfoot's Top Ten Peeves --------------------------------------------------------------------
10. Fat guys who lounge around the campground shirtless
 9. Nobody ever goes after Alf with tranquilizer darts
 8. Chicks who have a hangup about lice-infested body hair
 7. This Dan Quayle Joke
 6. Kids would rather see the San Diego Chicken
5. Lead role in "The Ed Asner Story" never materialized
 4. The way squirrels smell when they're damp
 3. Elvis always drops by right before dinner
2. Honking Winnebagos while you're trying to enjoy road kill
1. Disgusted that his Drivers license photo makes him look like Greg Allman
 
2014-04-04 09:40:21 PM
I hate top ten lists.
 
2014-04-04 09:40:57 PM
I think it was a headlines of the future thing, not sure if it was a top 10 list.

Ibuprofen , the silent killer.
 
2014-04-04 10:02:16 PM
Back in my last couple years of high school, 93-94, Top Ten lists were a huge part of school. Someone had downloaded a giant pile of lists from some BBS, a friend had a source for free giant rolls of paper, and we started posting them in the halls. Even did a terrible Letterman skit for the annual Christmas assembly, after which we started writing our own lists, which were actually better, or at least had more topical Canadian humour about things like our constitutional squabbles and my fabulous, fabulous hair.
 
2014-04-05 12:33:33 AM

AspectRatio: February 3, 1986

Top 10 Expressions that Sound Dirty but Really Aren't

10. "Frosting the pastry"
 9. "Shooting hoops"
 8. "Jumping the turnstile"
 7. "Checking your oil"
 6. "Tethering the blimp"
 5. "Sending out for sushi"
 4. "Picnic on the grass"
 3. "Quarter-pounder at the Golden Arches"
 2. "Shaking hands with Abraham Lincoln"
 1. "Windsurfing on Mount Baldy"


/one of my all time favorites


Yes! I had forgotten that one, but truly among the best.

I forget the complete list, but "Top Ten Punchlines to Scottish Jokes" included "it's not a bagpipe, but keep playing", which can still crack me up if I think of it at any given offhand moment.
 
2014-04-05 12:40:57 AM
Top Ten Elf Pickup Lines
#5 made me laugh a lot

10. "I'm down here."
9. "Just because I've got bells on my shoes doesn't mean I'm a sissy."
8. "I was once a lawn ornament for Jon Bon Jovi."
7. "I can get you off the naughty list."
6. "I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys."
5. "I'm a magical being. Take off your bra."
4. "No, no. I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks over at Keebler."
3. "I get a thimbleful of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man."
2. "You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig."
1. "I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners."
 
2014-04-05 01:13:56 AM

Oreamnos: included "it's not a bagpipe, but keep playing", which can still crack me up if I think of it at any given offhand moment.


And I just heard that in Sean Connery's voice. I think my neighbors heard the weird cackling laughter that caused.
 
2014-04-05 02:51:03 AM
Top Ten Ways to Mispronounce Kirby Puckett

10. Kooby Pickett.
9. Creepy Pockets.
8. Bernie Crumpet.
7. Turkey Bucket.
6. Buddy Hackett.
5. The Puckett Formerly Known as Kirby.
4. Punky Brewster.
3. KentHrbek.
2. There once was a man from Nantucket who Kirbied his very own Puckett.
1. Englepuck Kirbydink.

Even better when presented by Kirby Puckett:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_Tx9jz2Tos

/RIP short stocky Hall of Fame dude.
 
2014-04-05 04:10:29 AM
I only remember one of the answers, but the list was something like "Top 10 things Elvis would say if he were alive now"...
One of the answers was "Lisa Marie married who?"

It was just a great little nugget with a snowball effect, because you could imagine how the dialog would go.
 
2014-04-05 09:10:29 AM
I was always a fan of the top ten lists. You have to really enjoy the absurd and the short punchline, which I often do, if you know what I mean. wait.
 
2014-04-05 10:59:06 AM
My favorite Letterman shows were in the '80's. The times he would yell out the window with a megaphone, "Attention, people of New York City...". The best was after Dan Rather said he was beaten up by the 'What is the frequency Kenneth?' guys. David disrupted a Today Show broadcast (with Bryant Gumbel & Jane Pauley) by yelling, "Attention, people of New York City. I beat up Dan Rather." Bryant Gumbel was furious with him for years.
 
2014-04-05 03:26:11 PM
Curious to me how he pretty much got a free pass for banging anything with a skirt while he was married and Tiger Woods was crucified for doing pretty much the same thing.  Nothing against the guy, but I am in the camp that doesn't consider him funny.
 
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