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(Daily Express)   World's most toxic spider crawls out of bunch of bananas at preschool. Before you bug lovers jump in about how it wasn't really that dangerous, exterminators said the hell with it and closed the whole building until the thing died of asphyxiation   (express.co.uk) divider line 41
    More: Scary, Rochdale, bananas, spiders, preschools  
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5379 clicks; posted to Geek » on 04 Apr 2014 at 1:27 PM (36 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



41 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-04-04 12:33:59 PM  
In some cases it can also cause unwanted erections in men, sometimes lasting for four hours

Please contact your doctor...or have lots and lots of sex.

And last year a family in south London had to leave their home for three days while it was fumigated after spiders started hatching out of eggs from bananas on their kitchen table.

This is why I don't eat bananas.
 
2014-04-04 12:41:08 PM  
Let me hear you say, this shiat is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
this shiat is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
Again, this shiat is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
This shiat is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2014-04-04 01:04:16 PM  
Exterminators will tell you a common orb weaver is a man eater if that will get you to pay for the extra expensive treatment.
 
2014-04-04 01:37:08 PM  

Walker: In some cases it can also cause unwanted erections in men, sometimes lasting for four hours

Please contact your doctor...or have lots and lots of sex.

And last year a family in south London had to leave their home for three days while it was fumigated after spiders started hatching out of eggs from bananas on their kitchen table.

This is why I don't eat bananas.


'Unwanted Erections' is going to be my next band name.
 
2014-04-04 01:38:24 PM  
What the hell is with British paper and capitalizing random words?
 
2014-04-04 02:00:33 PM  
It's a spider. It doesn't jump. Just step on it or squash it with a heavy book. You're done.
 
2014-04-04 02:01:38 PM  
He said: "It's certainly put me off bananas for a while."

Most British reaction to a killer spider ever.
 
2014-04-04 02:14:53 PM  
I see nowhere that it mentions asphyxiation, except that the SPIDER'S BITE can cause it, subby.

Story just says the spider was found dead.

And FTFA:
In some cases it can also cause unwanted erections in men, sometimes lasting for four hours.

What's with four hour boners? Everything that has boners as a side effect(Even Viagra, since it was originally hair medication and the boner thing was a side effect) has four hours as the 'magic window'. Why four hours exactly?
 
2014-04-04 02:15:34 PM  
Go home Subby. You're drunk.
 
2014-04-04 02:29:07 PM  
This is a repeat. A repeat.
 
2014-04-04 02:30:06 PM  

Son of Thunder: He said: "It's certainly put me off bananas for a while."

Most British reaction to a killer spider ever.


i1.ytimg.com
 
2014-04-04 02:54:53 PM  

Mikey1969: What's with four hour boners? Everything that has boners as a side effect(Even Viagra, since it was originally hair medication and the boner thing was a side effect) has four hours as the 'magic window'. Why four hours exactly?



I had figured that it must be the point of no return when blood loss causes permament brain damage.
 
2014-04-04 02:57:59 PM  
I wonder Subby, when you were writing about a spider dying of asphyxiation by being sealed in a school, did nothing about that seem...implausible to you?

Then again, maybe you're one of those preschoolers.
 
2014-04-04 03:07:19 PM  

kermit the forg: It's a spider. It doesn't jump. Just step on it or squash it with a heavy book. You're done.


Tarantulas jump
 
2014-04-04 03:12:05 PM  
I am shocked and appalled at the lack of pictures of said spider in the article.

www.dogspots.com
 
2014-04-04 03:12:37 PM  

Mikey1969: I see nowhere that it mentions asphyxiation, except that the SPIDER'S BITE can cause it, subby.

Story just says the spider was found dead.

And FTFA:
In some cases it can also cause unwanted erections in men, sometimes lasting for four hours.

What's with four hour boners? Everything that has boners as a side effect(Even Viagra, since it was originally hair medication and the boner thing was a side effect) has four hours as the 'magic window'. Why four hours exactly?


After a few hours a boner starts to hurt, really hurt.  i think that's your body's way of saying damage is going to happen if you don't do something about this.
 
2014-04-04 03:16:39 PM  

Virtual Pariah: Mikey1969: What's with four hour boners? Everything that has boners as a side effect(Even Viagra, since it was originally hair medication and the boner thing was a side effect) has four hours as the 'magic window'. Why four hours exactly?


I had figured that it must be the point of no return when blood loss causes permament brain damage.


More like the pooling causes coagulation and your dick turns black and falls off.
 
2014-04-04 03:16:40 PM  

Walker: In some cases it can also cause unwanted erections in men, sometimes lasting for four hours

Please contact your doctor...or have lots and lots of sex.

And last year a family in south London had to leave their home for three days while it was fumigated after spiders started hatching out of eggs from bananas on their kitchen table.

This is why I don't eat bananas.


THIS!! I wont even walk past the bananas in the grocery store

/my fear of bananas is totally rational.
 
2014-04-04 03:20:51 PM  
Monty Python was right, bananas can be deadly.
 
2014-04-04 03:22:17 PM  

Mikey1969: And FTFA:
In some cases it can also cause unwanted erections in men, sometimes lasting for four hours.

What's with four hour boners? Everything that has boners as a side effect(Even Viagra, since it was originally hair medication and the boner thing was a side effect) has four hours as the 'magic window'. Why four hours exactly?


Actually the toxin is almost identical to Viagra and many other ED meds. they just use it like Botulism in Botox but swallowed instead of injected.

And the 4 hour thing i think has to do with time for blood to clot without circulation (vascular restriction), cause it has been recorded that survivors who had the erection issue became permanently impotent and if the erection wasn't treated they may even get gangrene and have to cut it off. though the 4 hour thing isn't a full out constant just the low end of the priapism timer or as a cut from the wiki states it - Not all sources give four hours as the guideline for priapism occurring: "The duration time of a normal erection before it is classifiable as priapism is still controversial. Ongoing penile erections for more than 6 hours can be classified as priapism
 
2014-04-04 03:25:50 PM  
The new face of terror:

i2.cdn.turner.com

www.thelocal.se
b.vimeocdn.com
 
2014-04-04 03:29:27 PM  

ThreeFootSmurf: Mikey1969: And FTFA:
In some cases it can also cause unwanted erections in men, sometimes lasting for four hours.

What's with four hour boners? Everything that has boners as a side effect(Even Viagra, since it was originally hair medication and the boner thing was a side effect) has four hours as the 'magic window'. Why four hours exactly?

Actually the toxin is almost identical to Viagra and many other ED meds. they just use it like Botulism in Botox but swallowed instead of injected.

And the 4 hour thing i think has to do with time for blood to clot without circulation (vascular restriction), cause it has been recorded that survivors who had the erection issue became permanently impotent and if the erection wasn't treated they may even get gangrene and have to cut it off. though the 4 hour thing isn't a full out constant just the low end of the priapism timer or as a cut from the wiki states it - Not all sources give four hours as the guideline for priapism occurring: "The duration time of a normal erection before it is classifiable as priapism is still controversial. Ongoing penile erections for more than 6 hours can be classified as priapism


Cool, thanks for the info. Learn something new on Fark every once in a while. :-)
 
2014-04-04 03:34:35 PM  
Daylight come and me want to go home
 
2014-04-04 03:37:10 PM  
I did a GIS for "viagra spider"

Now I have the heeby-jeebies.
 
2014-04-04 03:40:21 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-04-04 03:40:46 PM  

Sypad: I am shocked and appalled at the lack of pictures of said spider in the article.

[www.dogspots.com image 244x218]


and that totally isnt it.
 
2014-04-04 03:47:36 PM  

Walker: In some cases it can also cause unwanted erections in men, sometimes lasting for four hours
Please contact your doctor...or have lots and lots of sex.


Or, call Bambi and have lots of sex. I can hardly wait for one of those spiders to arrive at my home.
 
2014-04-04 03:57:04 PM  

Sypad: I am shocked and appalled at the lack of pictures of said spider in the article.

[www.dogspots.com image 244x218]


I was appraising a house in Northeastern Oklahoma near the Arkansas/Missouri border.  I was out measuring the barn when I walked around the corner and got about 2cm from a spider that looked like that skull-tchula looking thing.  I was calm, I didn't shiate my pants and scream or run, I just slowly backed up and guessed 50 x 70 and went about my merry day without another care in the world.

/csb
 
2014-04-04 03:59:46 PM  
img.fark.net
Are you not entertained?
 
2014-04-04 04:06:04 PM  
gifstumblr.com
 
2014-04-04 04:07:16 PM  

kermit the forg: It's a spider. It doesn't jump. Just step on it or squash it with a heavy book. You're done.



img.fark.net
Approves
 
2014-04-04 04:09:57 PM  
img.fark.net

Hi guys!
 
2014-04-04 04:10:04 PM  
Headline: KILLER spider found in bunch of bananas at children's nursery

Article: It has now been sent off to a laboratory for analysis, but the pest control company told the school it is thought to be the wandering spider, also known as a Colombian banana spider, which is listed in the Guinness World Records as the world's most toxic spider.

So, the horrible killer deadly spider may not be at all.
 
2014-04-04 04:10:24 PM  

ThreeFootSmurf: Mikey1969: And FTFA:
In some cases it can also cause unwanted erections in men, sometimes lasting for four hours.

What's with four hour boners? Everything that has boners as a side effect(Even Viagra, since it was originally hair medication and the boner thing was a side effect) has four hours as the 'magic window'. Why four hours exactly?

Actually the toxin is almost identical to Viagra and many other ED meds. they just use it like Botulism in Botox but swallowed instead of injected.

And the 4 hour thing i think has to do with time for blood to clot without circulation (vascular restriction), cause it has been recorded that survivors who had the erection issue became permanently impotent and if the erection wasn't treated they may even get gangrene and have to cut it off. though the 4 hour thing isn't a full out constant just the low end of the priapism timer or as a cut from the wiki states it - Not all sources give four hours as the guideline for priapism occurring: "The duration time of a normal erection before it is classifiable as priapism is still controversial. Ongoing penile erections for more than 6 hours can be classified as priapism


Regardless of time frame, here's the cure for an unwanted erection:

static.guim.co.uk
 
Ant
2014-04-04 04:18:17 PM  

Mikey1969: I see nowhere that it mentions asphyxiation, except that the SPIDER'S BITE can cause it, subby.

Story just says the spider was found dead.

And FTFA:
In some cases it can also cause unwanted erections in men, sometimes lasting for four hours.

What's with four hour boners? Everything that has boners as a side effect(Even Viagra, since it was originally hair medication and the boner thing was a side effect) has four hours as the 'magic window'. Why four hours exactly?


After that amount of time, permanent damage can occur.
 
Ant
2014-04-04 04:21:19 PM  
♫A beautiful bunch of ripe bananas
Hides the deadly black tarantula♫
 
2014-04-04 04:33:08 PM  

Sypad: I am shocked and appalled at the lack of pictures of said spider in the article.

[www.dogspots.com image 244x218]


That is a regular old banana spider. They're all over south Florida, they're terrifying, make webs of yellow steel, but are harmless.

This is the Brazilian Wandering Spider...would not fark with this guy.

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2014-04-04 04:43:41 PM  
rationalwiki.org
 
2014-04-04 08:05:38 PM  
In this case, erections do have consequences.
 
2014-04-04 09:04:50 PM  

The_Sponge: Let me hear you say, this shiat is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
this shiat is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
Again, this shiat is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
This shiat is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDHArXSfLeE

/Bad Apple!!.  It goes with everything
 
2014-04-05 07:18:04 AM  

fozziewazzi: Mikey1969: I see nowhere that it mentions asphyxiation, except that the SPIDER'S BITE can cause it, subby.

Story just says the spider was found dead.

And FTFA:
In some cases it can also cause unwanted erections in men, sometimes lasting for four hours.

What's with four hour boners? Everything that has boners as a side effect(Even Viagra, since it was originally hair medication and the boner thing was a side effect) has four hours as the 'magic window'. Why four hours exactly?

After a few hours a boner starts to hurt, really hurt.  i think that's your body's way of saying damage is going to happen if you don't do something about this.


I was in the ER once and a guy was screaming to be put out of his misery. Thought it was a heart patient. Turns out it was a teenager with priapism. Wound up in my room after I was moved upstairs. They must have sedated him/it, and they were discussing his options. Not pretty.
 
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