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(The Detroit_News)   "'Nymphomaniac: Vol I' is crazy. It's funny, it's lewd, it's disturbing, it's odd, it's extremely graphic, it's brutal. And if you can handle all that, it's pretty good"   (detroitnews.com) divider line 67
    More: Interesting, Vol I, young adulthood, Charlotte Gainsbourg  
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3813 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 04 Apr 2014 at 1:40 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



67 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-04-04 01:44:01 PM  
It's unbelievably boring.

And I say this as a fan of von Trier's films.  I liked Antichrist and thought Melancholia was amazing.

Nymphomaniac 1 and 2 just aren't that good.  Even the cinematography is bad compared to his other films.
 
2014-04-04 01:45:39 PM  
It sucks.  Pun intended.
 
2014-04-04 01:50:38 PM  
It is just another dull Lars von Trier mess.
 
2014-04-04 01:54:40 PM  

contrapunctus: It's unbelievably boring.

And I say this as a fan of von Trier's films.  I liked Antichrist and thought Melancholia was amazing.

Nymphomaniac 1 and 2 just aren't that good.  Even the cinematography is bad compared to his other films.


I heard this in a British accent for some reason.
 
2014-04-04 01:58:06 PM  
So this is not the Nymphomaniac currently on Netflix?

I should have know when it showed Jonah Hill and Rachel Dratch parodying the sex scene from Before the Devil Knows You're Dead.

/Hoffman didn't overdose, he killed himself because after filming that scene, life had nothing left to offer.
 
2014-04-04 02:01:40 PM  
the movie is dildos
 
2014-04-04 02:05:32 PM  

contrapunctus: And I say this as a fan of von Trier's films.  I liked Antichrist and thought Melancholia was amazing.


I just couldn't quite get into Melancholia. The first half was White People Problems: The Motion Picture. If you are doing a character drama, I think it helps to actually have some characters who you care live or die. By the end of the first half, I was rooting for the Melancholia to save them from their ennui
 
2014-04-04 02:10:51 PM  
Fifty million porn titles did it better.
 
2014-04-04 02:13:25 PM  
I laid out my feelings for Lars von Trier in earlier topics.

TL;DR version; the man is exceptional at taking actors/actresses you love and making you loathe ever wanting to see them on film.  This is ramped up to 11 (and probably 12) if you had a desire to see someone in a sexual or erotic situation.

He and Gaspar Noe know how to really make you hate life.
 
2014-04-04 02:15:33 PM  
"He fixes the cable?" - Shia LeBeouf
 
2014-04-04 02:17:24 PM  

contrapunctus: thought Melancholia was amazing


[ohwaityoureserious.jpg]
 
2014-04-04 02:17:31 PM  
Can I jerk off to it?
 
2014-04-04 02:23:03 PM  
Using the Hustler magazine movie rating system, how does this rate?
 
2014-04-04 02:27:55 PM  

AeAe: Can I jerk off to it?


You can jerk off to Disney's Frozen if you like, no one will stop you so long as you lock the basement door and your Mom is out of the house.
 
2014-04-04 02:31:32 PM  

killzoe: You can jerk off to Disney's Frozen if you like


img.fark.net
 
2014-04-04 02:33:54 PM  
Are there scenes like Chloë Sevigny performed in 2003's 'Brown Bunny'....you know...the role that she was vilified for?
 
2014-04-04 02:44:36 PM  

ferretman: Are there scenes like Chloë Sevigny performed in 2003's 'Brown Bunny'....you know...the role that she was vilified for?


VG: so in this scene Chloe it has to look like you're blowing me, I figure we shoot from behind and you just kneel in front of me and nod your head up and down for a bit.

CS: why don't I just really blow you?

VG: or that . . .
 
2014-04-04 02:50:57 PM  

Mad_Radhu: contrapunctus: And I say this as a fan of von Trier's films.  I liked Antichrist and thought Melancholia was amazing.

I just couldn't quite get into Melancholia. The first half was White People Problems: The Motion Picture. If you are doing a character drama, I think it helps to actually have some characters who you care live or die. By the end of the first half, I was rooting for the Melancholia to save them from their ennui


The cinematography was pure art, but I hated all the characters.
 
2014-04-04 02:51:31 PM  

RoyHobbs22: ferretman: Are there scenes like Chloë Sevigny performed in 2003's 'Brown Bunny'....you know...the role that she was vilified for?

VG: so in this scene Chloe it has to look like you're blowing me, I figure we shoot from behind and you just kneel in front of me and nod your head up and down for a bit.

CS: why don't I just really blow you?

VG: or that . . .


Oh jeez. Where's my Roku remote?
 
2014-04-04 03:15:31 PM  
Thought that term died by the time Madonna was filmed going down on a water bottle.

Wouldn't using that term be considered slut shaming?  You betcha.

#irony
 
2014-04-04 03:17:50 PM  
I plan on watching it tonight. Lewd, disturbing, odd, extremely graphic and brutal don't bother me at all. One of my best friends is a Dominatrix, I've seen and done just about everything. I just wish Shiat LaBeef wasn't in it.
 
2014-04-04 03:23:15 PM  
Before today at least, I had not seen a single overwhelmingly positive review. A scattering of "boy, Von Trier sure tried hard but I think it's 'meh'" mixed with borderline anger at how terrible they thought it was.

Granted, I didn't care enough about this project to seek out reviews, so I had only happened across what some (relatively) mainstream blogs had felt about it.
 
2014-04-04 03:42:05 PM  

contrapunctus: I liked Antichrist and thought Melancholia was amazing.


Put your face closer to the screen so I can Internet-punch it.
 
2014-04-04 03:49:55 PM  

ferretman: Are there scenes like Chloë Sevigny performed in 2003's 'Brown Bunny'....you know...the role that she was vilified for?


I don't remember Sevigny being vilified for that role, I remember Gallo being vilified for making a really awful film.
 
2014-04-04 03:52:18 PM  

pinchpoint: I plan on watching it tonight. Lewd, disturbing, odd, extremely graphic and brutal don't bother me at all. One of my best friends is a Dominatrix, I've seen and done just about everything. I just wish Shiat LaBeef wasn't in it.


But Shia's rythmic "no" chant actually makes sense here.
 
2014-04-04 03:54:19 PM  
Brutal? Does shia lebeouf die during filming? Unless he does, it wasn't brutal enough.
 
2014-04-04 04:11:19 PM  
I had sworn off his movies after Dancer In The Dark. Cruelty to the helpless was too much even though his movies tend to be beautiful. I broke my vow for Antichrist because of the lolz. Watched Melancholia and was totally blown away. The first 20 minutes were breathtaking.

I tend to like ponderously slow movies.
 
2014-04-04 04:12:11 PM  

AeAe: Can I jerk off to it?


FINALLY someone asks the pertinent question.
 
2014-04-04 04:17:57 PM  

johnny queso: Watched Melancholia and was totally blown away.


I already know I don't "get" those kinds of films, but would you indulge me and explain it to me?
 
2014-04-04 04:19:50 PM  

Barricaded Gunman: AeAe: Can I jerk off to it?

FINALLY someone asks the pertinent question.


Will it keep me from jerking off?
 
2014-04-04 04:42:20 PM  

GoldSpider: johnny queso: Watched Melancholia and was totally blown away.

I already know I don't "get" those kinds of films, but would you indulge me and explain it to me?


i don't know that i necessarily get them, but i like melancholic movies.  Dead Man, Eternal Sunshine, Thin Red Line, Two Lane Blacktop, Jim Jarmusch and most Hal Hartley movies.  they seem closest to real life and real emotions, or at least my life and emotions.  i like walking in cities and driving long distances more than jumping out of airplanes or parkouring.

like i said, the first 20 minutes of the movie totally blew me away, so i went into the mopey part  with a pretty positive attitude.  being a white person, i don't have a problem with watching white person problem movies.  depression sucks and can be fairly compelling to watch someone's downward spiral.

that being said, i loved Crank 2, so hopefully i am not as boring as i may sound.
 
2014-04-04 04:55:13 PM  
i am madly in love with Charlotte Gainsbourg, je t'adore
 
2014-04-04 05:00:03 PM  

theorellior: ferretman: Are there scenes like Chloë Sevigny performed in 2003's 'Brown Bunny'....you know...the role that she was vilified for?

I don't remember Sevigny being vilified for that role, I remember Gallo being vilified for making a really awful film.


What, you didn't think watching Gallo stare out the window of a moving bus for ten minutes wasn't brilliant?
 
2014-04-04 05:03:54 PM  
I loved "The Kingdom".
I wish I could un-watch "Antichrist".
 
2014-04-04 05:10:35 PM  

Flappyhead: theorellior: ferretman: Are there scenes like Chloë Sevigny performed in 2003's 'Brown Bunny'....you know...the role that she was vilified for?

I don't remember Sevigny being vilified for that role, I remember Gallo being vilified for making a really awful film.

What, you didn't think watching Gallo stare out the window of a moving bus truck for ten minutes wasn't brilliant?


Don't know why I wrote bus.
 
2014-04-04 05:21:00 PM  
Is this that Lars von Trier movie in which a saintly woman is horribly, heartbreakingly abused?
 
2014-04-04 05:26:26 PM  

Robert1966: Is this that Lars von Trier movie in which a saintly woman is horribly, heartbreakingly abused?


Retarded puppies are sodomized.
 
2014-04-04 05:32:12 PM  

Flappyhead: Don't know why I wrote bus.


You were probably thinking about "Buffalo 66", which was also a terrible movie.

johnny queso: most Hal Hartley movies.


I loved everything Hal Hartley did up to "Henry Fool", which I hated. Hartley's melancholy, while mannerist, is intended to explore the darker human emotions in a thoughtful way. Everything I've seen by von Trier makes me think he just hates people and wants everyone to die in depressing and evil ways.
 
2014-04-04 05:40:14 PM  

johnny queso: GoldSpider: johnny queso: Watched Melancholia and was totally blown away.

I already know I don't "get" those kinds of films, but would you indulge me and explain it to me?

i don't know that i necessarily get them, but i like melancholic movies.  Dead Man, Eternal Sunshine, Thin Red Line, Two Lane Blacktop, Jim Jarmusch and most Hal Hartley movies.  they seem closest to real life and real emotions, or at least my life and emotions.  i like walking in cities and driving long distances more than jumping out of airplanes or parkouring.

like i said, the first 20 minutes of the movie totally blew me away, so i went into the mopey part  with a pretty positive attitude.  being a white person, i don't have a problem with watching white person problem movies.  depression sucks and can be fairly compelling to watch someone's downward spiral.

that being said, i loved Crank 2, so hopefully i am not as boring as i may sound.


That's what I don't get. Wasn't like half of the first 20 minutes spent trying to turn around a limo on a small dirt road?
 
2014-04-04 05:45:13 PM  

Mad_Radhu: johnny queso: GoldSpider: johnny queso: Watched Melancholia and was totally blown away.

I already know I don't "get" those kinds of films, but would you indulge me and explain it to me?

i don't know that i necessarily get them, but i like melancholic movies.  Dead Man, Eternal Sunshine, Thin Red Line, Two Lane Blacktop, Jim Jarmusch and most Hal Hartley movies.  they seem closest to real life and real emotions, or at least my life and emotions.  i like walking in cities and driving long distances more than jumping out of airplanes or parkouring.

like i said, the first 20 minutes of the movie totally blew me away, so i went into the mopey part  with a pretty positive attitude.  being a white person, i don't have a problem with watching white person problem movies.  depression sucks and can be fairly compelling to watch someone's downward spiral.

that being said, i loved Crank 2, so hopefully i am not as boring as i may sound.

That's what I don't get. Wasn't like half of the first 20 minutes spent trying to turn around a limo on a small dirt road?


it was the world ending.  lightning shooting out of Fang, birds dropping from the sky, double cast shadows.
www.aceshowbiz.com
 
2014-04-04 05:47:36 PM  
Pseudo-intellectual faux-porn is just moronic.
How many scenes are in black and white? What about sepia? Is there a sad clown?
Pretentious dreck that exists for the sole purpose of making empty people feel smart or somehow above human.
 
2014-04-04 05:48:40 PM  

RoyHobbs22: ferretman: Are there scenes like Chloë Sevigny performed in 2003's 'Brown Bunny'....you know...the role that she was vilified for?

VG: so in this scene Chloe it has to look like you're blowing me, I figure we shoot from behind and you just kneel in front of me and nod your head up and down for a bit.

CS: why don't I just really blow you?

VG: or that . . .


I thought they used a stunt penis.
 
2014-04-04 05:54:31 PM  

El Dudereno: RoyHobbs22: ferretman: Are there scenes like Chloë Sevigny performed in 2003's 'Brown Bunny'....you know...the role that she was vilified for?

VG: so in this scene Chloe it has to look like you're blowing me, I figure we shoot from behind and you just kneel in front of me and nod your head up and down for a bit.

CS: why don't I just really blow you?

VG: or that . . .

I thought they used a stunt penis.


Um, it's called a penis double.
 
2014-04-04 05:55:03 PM  

TheShavingofOccam123: RoyHobbs22: ferretman: Are there scenes like Chloë Sevigny performed in 2003's 'Brown Bunny'....you know...the role that she was vilified for?

VG: so in this scene Chloe it has to look like you're blowing me, I figure we shoot from behind and you just kneel in front of me and nod your head up and down for a bit.

CS: why don't I just really blow you?

VG: or that . . .

Oh jeez. Where's my Roku remote?


God I love method actresses.
 
2014-04-04 05:57:48 PM  

Wasilla Hillbilly: Um, it's called a penis double.


DVDA?
 
2014-04-04 05:58:37 PM  

theorellior: Flappyhead: Don't know why I wrote bus.

You were probably thinking about "Buffalo 66", which was also a terrible movie.

johnny queso: most Hal Hartley movies.

I loved everything Hal Hartley did up to "Henry Fool", which I hated. Hartley's melancholy, while mannerist, is intended to explore the darker human emotions in a thoughtful way. Everything I've seen by von Trier makes me think he just hates people and wants everyone to die in depressing and evil ways.


Lars Von Trier seems like a complete cock.
 
2014-04-04 05:59:26 PM  

Wasilla Hillbilly: El Dudereno: RoyHobbs22: ferretman: Are there scenes like Chloë Sevigny performed in 2003's 'Brown Bunny'....you know...the role that she was vilified for?

VG: so in this scene Chloe it has to look like you're blowing me, I figure we shoot from behind and you just kneel in front of me and nod your head up and down for a bit.

CS: why don't I just really blow you?

VG: or that . . .

I thought they used a stunt penis.

Um, it's called a penis double.


Or a double penis?
 
2014-04-04 06:15:16 PM  

johnny queso: Dead Man


I'm with you on everything you said... but I gotta especially point out that Dean Man is about the most perfectly executed movie IMHO.  10/10 on every level.
 
2014-04-04 06:18:17 PM  

contrapunctus: It's unbelievably boring.

And I say this as a fan of von Trier's films.  I liked Antichrist and thought Melancholia was amazing.

Nymphomaniac 1 and 2 just aren't that good.  Even the cinematography is bad compared to his other films.


I was brought up with a religious background.  For about 40 years, when I heard antichrist, I thought "son of satan, anti-christ, etc."

Because of that movie, every time I hear antichrist, my balls rip themselves free of their casings and snuggle deep into my chest cavity seeking shelter.

It friggin' takes forever to get them back where the belong again.
 
2014-04-04 06:22:35 PM  

downstairs: johnny queso: Dead Man

I'm with you on everything you said... but I gotta especially point out that Dean Man is about the most perfectly executed movie IMHO.  10/10 on every level.


it is sublime.


just cant drink whiskey like i used ta could. my ol' belly just aint no count.  give me the shiats ever' time.
 
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