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(WTOP)   Seven phrases you should never utter in the workplace. *scans list* Awesome, looks like I can keep using "hey, sugartits"   (wtop.com) divider line 34
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869 clicks; posted to FarkUs » on 03 Apr 2014 at 1:42 PM (21 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



34 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-04-03 11:47:15 AM
Stitragus?  Yeh.
 
2014-04-03 11:49:23 AM
"This is my last territorial demand in Marketing!"
 
2014-04-03 11:59:00 AM
"Hey, for organization day, let's put on a minstrel show with blackface and everything."
 
2014-04-03 12:06:29 PM
"It's national masturbation day!"
 
2014-04-03 12:09:57 PM
"When anarchy reigns, we shall rule the World!"

/Apparently I said that in my sleep one night.
 
2014-04-03 12:14:26 PM
"My butthole itches!"
 
2014-04-03 12:16:26 PM
"You're a sh*t-smeared c*ck, Jenkins, and I hope you're raped by a bear with six-inch razor sharp pubic guard hairs."

(scans list)

Cool. Thanks.
 
2014-04-03 12:21:24 PM
"Sorry I'm late for the meeting. I didn't know a dwarf could bleed that much."
 
2014-04-03 12:30:58 PM
"And in conclusion, ladies and gentleman, we need to rebaseline and focus on expanding our product line into these three growth areas areas: tricorn hats, macrame, and tentacle porn. Thank you for your attention."
 
2014-04-03 01:02:30 PM
"I warmed my balls in your coffee."
 
2014-04-03 01:18:05 PM
"There is no I in the word 'Team.' Just ME between some T&A" is OK?

*phew*
 
2014-04-03 01:44:21 PM
7.  "This is the way it's always been done."

sometimes that is a perfectly acceptable statement. I actually use that from time to time at work, because, well, it /is/ the way it has always been done and there is a /reason/ for that.
 
2014-04-03 01:51:34 PM
I think they were just quoting Homer Simpson.
 
2014-04-03 01:54:24 PM
Bullshiat on the "It can't be done".

Well, I have said a variation of it "It can't be done before the universe dies of heat death".

//NP complete. enough said.
 
2014-04-03 01:55:53 PM

meat0918: Bullshiat on the "It can't be done".

Well, I have said a variation of it "It can't be done before the universe dies of heat death".

//NP complete. enough said.


You didn't watch the video about being an expert did you?
 
2014-04-03 02:11:30 PM
Gods, this sounds like some bad employee improvement training I've had to sit through.
 
2014-04-03 02:11:57 PM
"Hi, Tammy? Fred in Sales. Quick question on my expense report - what's the expense code for a Thai underage prostitute?....Yes, I'll hold."
 
2014-04-03 02:15:27 PM

meat0918: Bullshiat on the "It can't be done".

Well, I have said a variation of it "It can't be done before the universe dies of heat death".

//NP complete. enough said.


As a chef, I have to concur on this. There are plenty of times that you have to acknowledge limitations. Limits on time, limits on space, limits on cost, limits on just physical laws. I get customers aplenty who have no idea what limitations that the space has: fire codes are NOT to be tampered with, at least not for long, you cannot make an "eggless" omelet and if you want a gluten free pasta, I need plenty of advance notice before you tochis comes in, because there is stuff I don't normally carry. I can give options, I can give suggestions and alternatives, but there are times when you have to give folks the bitter news that just because they can dream it, doesn't mean that it's going to happen. You want "medium rare" chicken, that's not happening, and it would be remiss of me to suggest that we will comply to whim and some kooky blog that you read that TOTALLY said it was going to be good for you.

Yes, limitations force you to think about overcoming them. Can you shift a wedding outside to overcome space limitations indoors? Can you suggest a menu change that will better accommodate someone's budget? Can you use an alternative dish for someone with an allergy so that they can still take part of the festivities? All of these are doable, but not necessarily are going to be exactly what someone is asking for, and as a manager, who is beholden not just to the customers, but to the joint itself and its owners, I have to think about more than just "BUT I WANNA!" Limitations exist, and it's not just to pour piss in someone's farina.
 
2014-04-03 02:35:51 PM

cannotsuggestaname: 7.  "This is the way it's always been done."

sometimes that is a perfectly acceptable statement. I actually use that from time to time at work, because, well, it /is/ the way it has always been done and there is a /reason/ for that.


It's really only acceptable when it's requesting a sexual favor for a raise. Any other time you should just give them the /reason/.
 
2014-04-03 02:39:15 PM

Smeggy Smurf: meat0918: Bullshiat on the "It can't be done".

Well, I have said a variation of it "It can't be done before the universe dies of heat death".

//NP complete. enough said.

You didn't watch the video about being an expert did you?


I did, and had flashbacks to the discussion when NP completeness, combinations versus permutations, and so much else came up because the customer may as well have asked to some lines drawn in transparent red ink.  After the discussion the "simplified" things for their end.

Are the 100% happy? No, but they understood that what they wanted would have been a nightmare for them to maintain even if I had accomplished the software end of things.

Thankfully, my boss and my boss's boss backed me up, unlike in that video.
 
2014-04-03 02:41:56 PM

hubiestubert: meat0918: Bullshiat on the "It can't be done".

Well, I have said a variation of it "It can't be done before the universe dies of heat death".

//NP complete. enough said.

As a chef, I have to concur on this. There are plenty of times that you have to acknowledge limitations. Limits on time, limits on space, limits on cost, limits on just physical laws. I get customers aplenty who have no idea what limitations that the space has: fire codes are NOT to be tampered with, at least not for long, you cannot make an "eggless" omelet and if you want a gluten free pasta, I need plenty of advance notice before you tochis comes in, because there is stuff I don't normally carry. I can give options, I can give suggestions and alternatives, but there are times when you have to give folks the bitter news that just because they can dream it, doesn't mean that it's going to happen. You want "medium rare" chicken, that's not happening, and it would be remiss of me to suggest that we will comply to whim and some kooky blog that you read that TOTALLY said it was going to be good for you.

Yes, limitations force you to think about overcoming them. Can you shift a wedding outside to overcome space limitations indoors? Can you suggest a menu change that will better accommodate someone's budget? Can you use an alternative dish for someone with an allergy so that they can still take part of the festivities? All of these are doable, but not necessarily are going to be exactly what someone is asking for, and as a manager, who is beholden not just to the customers, but to the joint itself and its owners, I have to think about more than just "BUT I WANNA!" Limitations exist, and it's not just to pour piss in someone's farina.


Just hurry up with my Dodo egg and Passenger pigeon soufflé, fryboy.
 
2014-04-03 02:59:25 PM

SurfaceTension: "It's national masturbation day!"


And don't forget "Tomorrow is Naked Friday!"

rikdanger: "Sorry I'm late for the meeting. I didn't know a dwarf could bleed that much."


Fark you, new keyboard, etc.
/Funniest farking thing I've read today.
 
2014-04-03 03:44:09 PM

meat0918: Smeggy Smurf: meat0918: Bullshiat on the "It can't be done".

Well, I have said a variation of it "It can't be done before the universe dies of heat death".

//NP complete. enough said.

You didn't watch the video about being an expert did you?

I did, and had flashbacks to the discussion when NP completeness, combinations versus permutations, and so much else came up because the customer may as well have asked to some lines drawn in transparent red ink.  After the discussion the "simplified" things for their end.

Are the 100% happy? No, but they understood that what they wanted would have been a nightmare for them to maintain even if I had accomplished the software end of things.

Thankfully, my boss and my boss's boss backed me up, unlike in that video.


So what you're saying is you're an expert.  Good, now we know who to blame next time.  Bwahahahaha
 
2014-04-03 03:51:54 PM

Smeggy Smurf: meat0918: Smeggy Smurf: meat0918: Bullshiat on the "It can't be done".

Well, I have said a variation of it "It can't be done before the universe dies of heat death".

//NP complete. enough said.

You didn't watch the video about being an expert did you?

I did, and had flashbacks to the discussion when NP completeness, combinations versus permutations, and so much else came up because the customer may as well have asked to some lines drawn in transparent red ink.  After the discussion the "simplified" things for their end.

Are the 100% happy? No, but they understood that what they wanted would have been a nightmare for them to maintain even if I had accomplished the software end of things.

Thankfully, my boss and my boss's boss backed me up, unlike in that video.

So what you're saying is you're an expert.  Good, now we know who to blame next time.  Bwahahahaha


Pile away.

:)
 
2014-04-03 04:05:24 PM

meat0918: Bullshiat on the "It can't be done".

Well, I have said a variation of it "It can't be done before the universe dies of heat death".

//NP complete. enough said.


This.  Sometimes it is necessary to explain that some things aren't in the realm of possible.  Theoretically you can scan in 1000 pages of material, have a nifty program take all the relevant data and auto-populate it into appropriate fields in a program, and have it auto-generate what you need, all within 2 hours and under $20.  However, not in this office, not on this budget, not with our outdated software/hardware, and not out of the box with only the press of a button and no other human involvement.

Finding alternative solutions is wonderful, and doing them is a right step.  However, if your boss still has science-fiction notions of how the job gets done (you press one button and EVERYTHING I imagine gets done in a second!), disabusing of the false notions is necessary.
 
2014-04-03 08:36:16 PM

rikdanger: "Hi, Tammy? Fred in Sales. Quick question on my expense report - what's the expense code for a Thai underage prostitute?....Yes, I'll hold."


Girl or boy? If you're not sure, I'll just put you down for "boy".
 
2014-04-03 09:10:59 PM
Sorry sir, I was not listening.  I was just looking at that picture of your daughter.   And damn what an ass.  That is the type of ass you just to get right up there and eat, ya know what I am saying.
 
2014-04-03 09:53:51 PM

meat0918: Bullshiat on the "It can't be done".


I wish the idiots where I work would learn this phrase and start using it. The fu*king customer is NOT always right, damnit.
 
2014-04-03 11:46:40 PM

Spartapuss: cannotsuggestaname: 7.  "This is the way it's always been done."

sometimes that is a perfectly acceptable statement. I actually use that from time to time at work, because, well, it /is/ the way it has always been done and there is a /reason/ for that.

It's really only acceptable when it's requesting a sexual favor for a raise. Any other time you should just give them the /reason/.


Not really. These are devs that don't listen to me to begin with, so I am tired of explaining things to them.
 
2014-04-04 01:13:50 PM

cannotsuggestaname: 7.  "This is the way it's always been done."

sometimes that is a perfectly acceptable statement. I actually use that from time to time at work, because, well, it /is/ the way it has always been done and there is a /reason/ for that.


Then state the actual reason.
 
2014-04-04 03:16:45 PM
rikdanger

www.reactiongifs.us

*wipes tears from eyes*
*places keyboard in garbage*
 
2014-04-04 03:29:08 PM

stupiddream: Gods, this sounds like some bad employee improvement training I've had to sit through.


So was the training bad or was it for bad employees?

I'm going with both.
 
2014-04-04 09:38:13 PM

Pincy: cannotsuggestaname: 7.  "This is the way it's always been done."

sometimes that is a perfectly acceptable statement. I actually use that from time to time at work, because, well, it /is/ the way it has always been done and there is a /reason/ for that.

Then state the actual reason.



lulz, I have, and if I have to keep doing it then it means you aren't paying attention and eventually I am going to say "This is the way it's always been done. End of discussion."
 
2014-04-04 09:50:09 PM
The business "we" just acquired had software "we" didn't acquire and the files are all "mostly" in Office format, but with no extensions you say? Let me find a director daft enough to actually listen to your request to divert some time and resources to polish this turd for you.
 
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