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(Orlando Sentinel)   You and your 16-year-old bud are on vacation in Florida. Do you: A) go to Disney World, B) hit the malls, or C) stop by a Chinese massage parlor for a quick one only to get busted by the vice cops?   (orlandosentinel.com) divider line 69
    More: Florida, vices, Ancient art, booms and busts, shopping centers, U.S. Highway, try, whores  
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6080 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Apr 2014 at 2:24 PM (20 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-04-02 01:12:31 PM
"During my time in the lobby area I overheard a young voice saying, "Stop! I don't like that."
Moment later, a young male quickly exited a door from the back of the massage parlor, closely followed by another young male.


Gay!

"The boys told me that they have morals based on religion and what Shi and Liu did outraged them.

Religious and gay!

/not that there's anything wrong with that (the gay part anyway)
 
2014-04-02 01:19:55 PM

Walker: "During my time in the lobby area I overheard a young voice saying, "Stop! I don't like that."
Moment later, a young male quickly exited a door from the back of the massage parlor, closely followed by another young male.

Gay!

"The boys told me that they have morals based on religion and what Shi and Liu did outraged them.

Religious and gay!

/not that there's anything wrong with that (the gay part anyway)


A)  I got Goofy handy in the Disney World tunnels once.

B)  Our malls suck.

C)  Not in Osceola County I wouldn't.  That's just asking for trouble.
 
2014-04-02 01:44:07 PM
As the boys bolted, a client came out of another room, adjusting his clothing and yelling, "That was the worst" sex act ever and he had suffered an injury, the report stated.

Upon seeing the undercover waiting for a massage, the upset customer yelled a profanity and advised, "Go somewhere else."



You'd at least think the old broads would be good at their job.
 
2014-04-02 01:54:24 PM
Those "massage" parlors are all over the place in Florida. In some places they even have billboards with an asian chick wearing skimpy clothing, they don't even try and hide the fact they're giving out happy endings.

I just sort of thought they had an agreement with local law enforcement...Someone apparently wasn't sufficiently paid off.
 
2014-04-02 01:58:32 PM

MayoSlather: Those "massage" parlors are all over the place in Florida. In some places they even have billboards with an asian chick wearing skimpy clothing, they don't even try and hide the fact they're giving out happy endings.

I just sort of thought they had an agreement with local law enforcement...Someone apparently wasn't sufficiently paid off.


My buddy goes downtown (Orlando) all the time.  They seem to at least pretend to be legit.  Again, I say this is pure Osceola.
 
2014-04-02 02:00:55 PM

Diogenes: B)  Our malls suck.


As far as the Orlando area goes, Mall at Millenia still attracts bus loads of tourists, and then there's all the outlet malls that seem to do well.

/The Florida Mall is a steaming pile of shiat
 
2014-04-02 02:08:09 PM

MayoSlather: Diogenes: B)  Our malls suck.

As far as the Orlando area goes, Mall at Millenia still attracts bus loads of tourists, and then there's all the outlet malls that seem to do well.

/The Florida Mall is a steaming pile of shiat


Millenia's OK.  I avoid them mostly.  The deals just aren't that great - outlets included.  And the swarming tourists make it thoroughly unpleasant.

Plus I'm originally from NJ.  Where the mall is a thing of beauty and a central social event ;-)
 
2014-04-02 02:17:02 PM
...identifying the woman as Lijun Shi, 51, formerly of China. "You give me tip! I gave you happy massage."

Ha!
 
2014-04-02 02:25:11 PM

MayoSlather: Those "massage" parlors are all over the place in Florida.



Ditto with my town (Lynnwood, WA).....which is why our nickname is "Sinwood".

FTFA:

"When I entered, the location was very busy and I was told to wait and would be very happy if I did," the unidentified detective wrote.

A happy ending, if you will.

/Probably the most amusing article I have read in the past month.
 
2014-04-02 02:25:47 PM
So much for a happy ending.
 
2014-04-02 02:26:39 PM
youoffendmeyouoffendmyfamily.com
 
2014-04-02 02:30:55 PM
CSB:

There happens to be a massage parlor across the parking lot from my favorite beer bar/shop.

One day, I stop by for a few beers, and the two girls who worked there were reading an online review out loud.

"The two girls who work there are really nice, and make you feel welcome......."

So I assumed they were reading a review about the beer shop.

Until.....

The review started to mention erotic massages, and then they explained they were reading reviews about the place next door.

/Meh.
//You needed to be there.
 
2014-04-02 02:31:23 PM
I must be an idiot. The way I read the article implied that the two youths did not get arrested.
 
2014-04-02 02:34:15 PM

The_Sponge: CSB:

There happens to be a massage parlor across the parking lot from my favorite beer bar/shop.

One day, I stop by for a few beers, and the two girls who worked there were reading an online review out loud.

"The two girls who work there are really nice, and make you feel welcome......."

So I assumed they were reading a review about the beer shop.

Until.....

The review started to mention erotic massages, and then they explained they were reading reviews about the place next door.

/Meh.
//You needed to be there.



So.....did you get a handy or not?
 
2014-04-02 02:36:01 PM

EdNortonsTwin: So.....did you get a handy or not?



Heh.

/Although the owner of the beer shop is Asian and attractive.
 
2014-04-02 02:37:21 PM
Stupid question. At 16 I'd take the massage parlor.

FTA: "A female was running after them. She was upset and was yelling at the two males," the report stated, identifying the woman as Lijun Shi, 51, formerly of China. "You give me tip! I gave you happy massage."

Sorry Lijun, but no 16 year old wants a handy from his grandma.

/Next time try and pick a massage parlor that doesn't recruit attendants from the AARP
 
2014-04-02 02:37:38 PM
"A female was running after them. She was upset and was yelling at the two males," the report stated, identifying the woman as Lijun Shi, 51, formerly of China. "You give me tip! I gave you happy massage."


Here's a tip....get the money up front.
 
2014-04-02 02:39:21 PM

Tyrosine: Stupid question. At 16 I'd take the massage parlor.

FTA: "A female was running after them. She was upset and was yelling at the two males," the report stated, identifying the woman as Lijun Shi, 51, formerly of China. "You give me tip! I gave you happy massage."

Sorry Lijun, but no 16 year old wants a handy from his grandma.

/Next time try and pick a massage parlor that doesn't recruit attendants from the AARP



The article reminded me of Nick Swardson's comedy bit/story about his experience at a massage parlor.
 
2014-04-02 02:39:41 PM
Haha, someone with a good sense of humor wrote that, funniest article I've seen on Fark.

My inappropriate, non HR sanctioned line for this afternoon will be "You give me tip! I give you happy massage!"
 
2014-04-02 02:41:00 PM
Them some hard-looking women right there
www.trbimg.com
Yoikes!
 
2014-04-02 02:41:56 PM
At 16 I would choose any of the above.  At 37, I'd go with C.
 
2014-04-02 02:43:02 PM
I'm just wondering...what is the tipping rate for happy massage? Is it automatically 18% for parties of 6 or more?
 
2014-04-02 02:43:15 PM

MooseBayou: Them some hard-looking women right there
[www.trbimg.com image 580x448]
Yoikes!



But don't you feel safer knowing these ladies aren't giving handjobs to young men now?  It only cost the city $50,000 in police resources.
 
2014-04-02 02:43:22 PM
"Liu was booked into the jail in lieu of $2,000 bail on charges of living off the earnings of prostitution and two counts of keeping a house of ill fame."

She would have been bailed out by her boyfriend Lou but missed her call because he was in the loo.
 
2014-04-02 02:43:40 PM

The_Sponge: Tyrosine: Stupid question. At 16 I'd take the massage parlor.

FTA: "A female was running after them. She was upset and was yelling at the two males," the report stated, identifying the woman as Lijun Shi, 51, formerly of China. "You give me tip! I gave you happy massage."

Sorry Lijun, but no 16 year old wants a handy from his grandma.

/Next time try and pick a massage parlor that doesn't recruit attendants from the AARP


The article reminded me of Nick Swardson's comedy bit/story about his experience at a massage parlor.


That whole bit is gold.  It's the second-saddest handjob story behind Louis CK's infamous one.
 
2014-04-02 02:45:36 PM
www.quickmeme.com
 
2014-04-02 02:45:43 PM

MayoSlather: Those "massage" parlors are all over the place in Florida. In some places they even have billboards with an asian chick wearing skimpy clothing, they don't even try and hide the fact they're giving out happy endings.

I just sort of thought they had an agreement with local law enforcement...Someone apparently wasn't sufficiently paid off.


THIS

One of the strip clubs I used to frequent in Jacksonville was a 'biker bar' and used to get 'raided' by the local PD about once every six weeks. They'd come in, shut the place down, arrest a few girls for possession and everything would be back to normal the next day, including those arrested being back at work. I figured that was when the cops picked up their drugs/girls/money to look the other way the rest of the time


/CSB
 
2014-04-02 02:48:26 PM
my regular place is very up and up - until you've gone there multiple times - then the offer is made (but not every time)

/I can get a handy at home, so not worth paying an extra $50
//They do offer a good massage though
 
2014-04-02 02:49:59 PM

Witness99: I'm just wondering...what is the tipping rate for happy massage? Is it automatically 18% for parties of 6 or more?


I would assume there would be some kind of penalty for being 6 or more whenever you're dealing with that kind of volume and not built to handle anything more than minimal capacity.
 
2014-04-02 02:52:32 PM

stuhayes2010: MooseBayou: Them some hard-looking women right there
[www.trbimg.com image 580x448]
Yoikes!


But don't you feel safer knowing these ladies aren't giving handjobs to young men now?  It only cost the city $50,000 in police resources.


I think prostitution should be legal, but you have to go after these places if white slavery is involved.

/Not saying it was in this case.
//Have my doubts.
///Because who wants to be involved in old lady trafficking?
 
2014-04-02 02:53:01 PM

Bruce Campbell Said So: Witness99: I'm just wondering...what is the tipping rate for happy massage? Is it automatically 18% for parties of 6 or more?

I would assume there would be some kind of penalty for being 6 or more whenever you're dealing with that kind of volume and not built to handle anything more than minimal capacity.


$50 was the number thrown my way - however I already tipped $30 for the standard massage - but again, not really worth paying for when you can get it without paying (not studman, just married)
 
2014-04-02 02:53:37 PM
FTA: "KISSIMMEE"

Too perfect.
 
2014-04-02 02:56:09 PM
I feel safer already.
 
2014-04-02 02:56:17 PM
Well, I'm torn between Soul Brudda too Beaucoup and Charlie Don't Surf.
 
2014-04-02 03:00:33 PM
The minors - out-of-state tourists - were released to their parents and were not charged

The story was over before it started.

Then again, there was this part FTA:  They were dropped off by older family members.
 
2014-04-02 03:03:22 PM

StrikitRich: The minors - out-of-state tourists - were released to their parents and were not charged



Damn....and I thought I had an awkward conversation with my parents when they found my porn stash back in high school.
 
2014-04-02 03:04:35 PM

The_Sponge: StrikitRich: The minors - out-of-state tourists - were released to their parents and were not charged


Damn....and I thought I had an awkward conversation with my parents when they found my porn stash back in high school.


With the above-mentioned part about how they were dropped of by their older family members, I bet there was a whole bunch of uncomfortable discussion afterward.
 
2014-04-02 03:07:01 PM

yukichigai: The_Sponge: StrikitRich: The minors - out-of-state tourists - were released to their parents and were not charged


Damn....and I thought I had an awkward conversation with my parents when they found my porn stash back in high school.

With the above-mentioned part about how they were dropped of by their older family members, I bet there was a whole bunch of uncomfortable discussion afterward.


No kidding. Going to an Asian massage joint at 11pm means only 1 thing.
 
2014-04-02 03:08:03 PM

StrikitRich: Then again, there was this part FTA:  They were dropped off by older family members.


Yeah, but:

The 16-year-old buddies arrived at the Jasmine Massage Parlor on West U.S. Highway 192 shortly before 11 p.m.

I can't help but think the "older family members" were their less religious uncles pranking them. Who the hell thinks a massage parlor open at 10:45 pm is legit?
 
2014-04-02 03:08:51 PM

yukichigai: The_Sponge: StrikitRich: The minors - out-of-state tourists - were released to their parents and were not charged


Damn....and I thought I had an awkward conversation with my parents when they found my porn stash back in high school.

With the above-mentioned part about how they were dropped of by their older family members, I bet there was a whole bunch of uncomfortable discussion afterward.



Heh.
 
2014-04-02 03:09:16 PM

Walker: "During my time in the lobby area I overheard a young voice saying, "Stop! I don't like that."
Moment later, a young male quickly exited a door from the back of the massage parlor, closely followed by another young male.

Gay!

"The boys told me that they have morals based on religion and what Shi and Liu did outraged them.

Religious and gay!

/not that there's anything wrong with that (the gay part anyway)


Did you look at the pictures?  Even at 16, I don't know...
 
2014-04-02 03:10:58 PM

dj_bigbird: No kidding. Going to an Asian massage joint at 11pm means only 1 thing.



After you finish, you'll want another massage at 11:30?
 
2014-04-02 03:12:08 PM
The_Sponge:I think prostitution should be legal, but you have to go after these places if white slavery is involved.


What about yellow slavery?  Black slavery?  Slaves to fashion?
 
2014-04-02 03:13:02 PM

jtown: Walker: "During my time in the lobby area I overheard a young voice saying, "Stop! I don't like that."
Moment later, a young male quickly exited a door from the back of the massage parlor, closely followed by another young male.

Gay!

"The boys told me that they have morals based on religion and what Shi and Liu did outraged them.

Religious and gay!

/not that there's anything wrong with that (the gay part anyway)

Did you look at the pictures?  Even at 16, I don't know...



Hey.....close your eyes and she can turn into Kate Upton.

/Kate Upton with extremely calloused hands.
 
2014-04-02 03:20:57 PM

MooseBayou: The_Sponge:I think prostitution should be legal, but you have to go after these places if white slavery is involved.


What about yellow slavery?  Black slavery?  Slaves to fashion?


Personally the only types of slavery I'm willing to give a pass are latex and leather slavery.
 
2014-04-02 03:21:33 PM

MooseBayou: The_Sponge:I think prostitution should be legal, but you have to go after these places if white slavery is involved.


What about yellow slavery?  Black slavery?  Slaves to fashion?


Slaves to the grind?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_DuKw3v8So
 
2014-04-02 03:22:01 PM

jst3p: StrikitRich: Then again, there was this part FTA:  They were dropped off by older family members.

Yeah, but:

The 16-year-old buddies arrived at the Jasmine Massage Parlor on West U.S. Highway 192 shortly before 11 p.m.

I can't help but think the "older family members" were their less religious uncles pranking them. Who the hell thinks a massage parlor open at 10:45 pm is legit?


...and kids, that's the REAL story of how your Uncle Barney introduced me to your mother.
 
2014-04-02 03:24:23 PM

yukichigai: jst3p: StrikitRich: Then again, there was this part FTA:  They were dropped off by older family members.

Yeah, but:

The 16-year-old buddies arrived at the Jasmine Massage Parlor on West U.S. Highway 192 shortly before 11 p.m.

I can't help but think the "older family members" were their less religious uncles pranking them. Who the hell thinks a massage parlor open at 10:45 pm is legit?

...and kids, that's the REAL story of how your Uncle Barney introduced me to your mother.


Off topic, what a disappointing ending to a great freaking series.
 
2014-04-02 03:27:48 PM

jst3p: Off topic, what a disappointing ending to a great freaking series.


I haven't even watched it yet since I'm behind on the show anyway, but I got the run-down because internet.  I think the premise would have worked if they'd spread the content of the last episode out over more episodes, so the audience had time to let the twists sink in.  For a finale like that to work it just plain needs more time for the audience's psyche to deal.
 
2014-04-02 03:30:00 PM
Malum prohibitum. Who cares?

/No I didn't RTFA
 
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