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(Lifehacker Australia)   How to survive 33 hours stuck on an airplane   (lifehacker.com.au) divider line 168
    More: Scary, airplanes, Cathay Pacific, hub airport, immigration officer, Oh Shit, flights  
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10770 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Apr 2014 at 11:21 AM (28 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-04-02 12:15:24 PM  

dj_bigbird: Super Chronic: Oh boo-hoo. People have been stuck on Malaysia flight 370 for over three weeks and how do you think they feel?

We all know that they're in a prison in Diego Garcia.


Were you posting here??

https://plus.google.com/118130460728982234124/about?gl=us&hl=en

Eyewitnesses saw a low flying plane with same markings heading to this direction, a link to the maersk Alabama , two dead ex navy seals, suspicious cargo/personell , Philip wood text, Malaysian gov saying it crashed with no proof, pilots flight simulator.


Please let the passengers of MH370 go home safely to their loved ones. You may do what you wish to with the airliner.

Why has this place not been checked for the missing plane,is it because its another area 51 ??? stop wasting every ones time and check that base out
 
2014-04-02 12:16:52 PM  

Confabulat: Obviously some of you guys don't suffer from claustrophobia at all. I can't sit in a chair surrounded by strangers in a tube for endless hours without flipping out at least a little bit. I would need a LOT of vodka and or painkillers.


Would you have gotten on the plane in the first place? Even if it was just supposed to be for 15 hours?
 
2014-04-02 12:18:43 PM  
Why not how.
 
2014-04-02 12:19:07 PM  

Super Chronic: Oh boo-hoo. People have been stuck on Malaysia flight 370 for over three weeks and how do you think they feel?



Kinda mushy and water-logged by now.
 
2014-04-02 12:21:43 PM  

Confabulat: Obviously some of you guys don't suffer from claustrophobia at all. I can't sit in a chair surrounded by strangers in a tube for endless hours without flipping out at least a little bit. I would need a LOT of vodka and or painkillers.


Yeah this.  I'd say I have a very mild case of it.  Generally speaking, I'm fine, but I don't like crowds where I can't move and I don't like to feel trapped.  When I'm on a plane it's usually not an issue because aside from waiting for the herd to all pile in and find a spot for their stupid oversized carryons, there isn't a long wait to get going.  If the plane has to wait much longer than 20-30 minutes I start to freak out a little.  33 hours I'd be the guy hanging by the door trying to get some fresh air and space.  Unless I had managed to procure enough booze to just pass out, that would be acceptable too.
 
2014-04-02 12:24:45 PM  

ChipNASA: GTFO and *walk* a-hole.

/jebus is it THAT complicated??


How about you actually *read* the article a-hole.
 
2014-04-02 12:25:47 PM  

Skarekrough: DROxINxTHExWIND: Odd Bird: As long as her panties are around her ankles, round it up to 40.
[therumhowlerblog.files.wordpress.com image 300x359]


What the hell are you going to do the other 39 hours and 57 minutes?

Did you NOT see the bottle of Vodka?

/three whole minutes?  Are you some sort of machine!


Glad someone noticed the vodak, it would certainly last longer than I will.
 
2014-04-02 12:26:32 PM  

give me doughnuts: Would you have gotten on the plane in the first place? Even if it was just supposed to be for 15 hours?


Well if the plane was moving towards its destination, I would be fine. It's being stuck somewhere for hours while getting no closer to my destination that would cause me to flip right the hell out.
 
2014-04-02 12:26:49 PM  

Carn: Confabulat: Obviously some of you guys don't suffer from claustrophobia at all. I can't sit in a chair surrounded by strangers in a tube for endless hours without flipping out at least a little bit. I would need a LOT of vodka and or painkillers.

Yeah this.  I'd say I have a very mild case of it.  Generally speaking, I'm fine, but I don't like crowds where I can't move and I don't like to feel trapped.  When I'm on a plane it's usually not an issue because aside from waiting for the herd to all pile in and find a spot for their stupid oversized carryons, there isn't a long wait to get going.  If the plane has to wait much longer than 20-30 minutes I start to freak out a little.  33 hours I'd be the guy hanging by the door trying to get some fresh air and space.  Unless I had managed to procure enough booze to just pass out, that would be acceptable too.


But that's the point. His "article" had no interesting stories. They were terribly mundane. I expected people hanging from the ceiling and screaming. And maybe some sex. What he wrote was dull.
 
2014-04-02 12:29:10 PM  
I've found that the number of allergies a person has is inversely proportional to their mental health. And the number of these allergies that require everyone else to alter their behavior even more so. My favorite "allergies" I've encountered are to the influenza virus (not the vaccine, the virus) and an allergy to ambien ... Because it made them go to sleep ...
 
2014-04-02 12:30:29 PM  
cookies, preferably not filled, Biscoff are the best
3 oranges
good beef jerky, no Slim Jims
2 liters of water in stainless steel bottles
Snickers
generic ondansetron for nausea

I thought the Asian airlines usually had impromptu lingerie shows.

I think I could endure 33 hours of priapism and yellow fever.

assets.nydailynews.com

And a rendition of "Oh, Me So Horny"

Better add Viagra, Cialis and Levitra to the list
 
2014-04-02 12:30:41 PM  
I can live with 33 hours of just staying in one place... but with little food, little water and no facilities?
 
2014-04-02 12:37:59 PM  
My brother and his wife were on that flight. His take on it is a hilarious read.
 
2014-04-02 12:38:56 PM  

Gunboat: The most amazing thing about that story are the comments defending the Chinese government.


Thats because China has people who's only purpose is to make them look good. Failing that making those that make China look bad disappear.
 
2014-04-02 12:40:53 PM  
How to survive 33 hours stuck on an airplane: The MH370 Story
 
2014-04-02 12:41:16 PM  

Super Chronic: Oh boo-hoo. People have been stuck on Malaysia flight 370 for over three weeks and how do you think they feel?


like fish food???
 
2014-04-02 12:41:50 PM  
Cathay Pacific? C'mon...That's like complaining about being stuck for 33 hours in the lobby of a Marriott.

At least Cathay Pacific has decent service and would do it's best to keep it's passengers comfortable.

Come back and tell us how to survive for 33 hours on a United flight and I'll finish reading your blog.
 
2014-04-02 12:44:44 PM  

NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!!: anfrind: digistil: Fly business or first class. It's the only reasonable way to travel long distances in a short amount of time without going insane.

You sound rich.

This. First class is a months salary or more for us peons.


You are doing it wrong, your company is supposed to foot the bill for first class on international flights
 
2014-04-02 12:48:34 PM  
Join the zero mile high club.
 
2014-04-02 12:48:44 PM  

sethen320: digistil: Fly business or first class. It's the only reasonable way to travel long distances in a short amount of time without going insane.

I think business class moves at the same speed as coach when you're sitting on the tarmac.  I would imagine the amount of discomfort would be about the same as well.  I haven't seen any studies or anything, just a hunch.


That's exactly where it makes one of the biggest differences. Bottomless champagne makes being stuck on the ground much more bearable.

That said, I can't imagine ever being able to justify the average price of a business class ticket (guessing $5,000 on a better airline for international travel).
 
2014-04-02 12:55:43 PM  
blogs.westword.com
 
2014-04-02 12:59:28 PM  

Tiggobitties: NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!!: anfrind: digistil: Fly business or first class. It's the only reasonable way to travel long distances in a short amount of time without going insane.

You sound rich.

This. First class is a months salary or more for us peons.

You are doing it wrong, your company is supposed to foot the bill for first class on international flights


What company pays its employee's airfare for vacation travel? (Aside from the CEO's.)
 
2014-04-02 01:02:21 PM  

Super Chronic: Oh boo-hoo. People have been stuck on Malaysia flight 370 for over three weeks and how do you think they feel?


I think they are getting along quite swimmingly by now. Er that didn't come out right - what I meant to say is that you have never seen a bunch of people become better chums in such a short time.

/I'll take the window seat please
 
2014-04-02 01:03:19 PM  

cybrwzrd: Skarekrough: cybrwzrd: MooseBayou: Thanks to the turbulence, we landed at Zhuhai with the young man in seat 39H having thrown up several times due to severe motion sickness. That young man was unfortunately me.

Meh, I kinda like this guy.

I don't. I fly a lot and people like him need to stay on the ground in their hypoallergenic bubbles segregated away from the rest of society. On top of that, if he had a true nut allergy as well he would have been dead from anaphylaxis from nut particles in the air, not just from being a sissy boy whose mommy told him not to eat nuts as they make him gassy. We couldn't be so lucky as to have that happened to his entitled first world self.

Unless you can find a way for his money to be less green then yours then I'm afraid you're just going to have to deal with him and his ilk in your regular flying routine.

Good point, but no matter how green his money is - it does not prevent him from being an insufferable little worm, or me from deriding him as such.


I stopped reading at the cited sentence, not realizing that he was an insufferable, self-entitled bastard.  Like 99.99% of the people on this planet.  NTTAWWT.
 
2014-04-02 01:05:21 PM  
I dunno, that's a lot of whining from the author.  Also he seems to be rather frail, maybe he shouldn't try such onerous flights.
 
2014-04-02 01:05:46 PM  

Yellow Beard: My brother and his wife were on that flight. His take on it is a hilarious read.


So share it with the class!
 
2014-04-02 01:08:10 PM  
This story reads like the underlying problem is that the author had to go 33 hours straight without choking down a cock.
 
2014-04-02 01:11:19 PM  

Super Chronic: Oh boo-hoo. People have been stuck on Malaysia flight 370 for over three weeks and how do you think they feel?


I would imagine they are cold and wet.
 
2014-04-02 01:14:15 PM  

lostcat: Tiggobitties: NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!!: anfrind: digistil: Fly business or first class. It's the only reasonable way to travel long distances in a short amount of time without going insane.

You sound rich.

This. First class is a months salary or more for us peons.

You are doing it wrong, your company is supposed to foot the bill for first class on international flights

What company pays its employee's airfare for vacation travel? (Aside from the CEO's.)


I think that was the joke.
 
2014-04-02 01:15:59 PM  
oh wow. I guess how you fare would depend on the seats. As I am a cheap bastard (or rather I cannot justify paying 4 times more for business class), I fly coach. The seats on Lufthansa, despite looking like the cheapest most uncushioned seats available were actually reasonably comfy and I did an 11 hour flight with no problems. The seats on ANA were the opposite. Looked comfy, back pain after 2 hours in an 11 hour flight because they were not molded for human beings.

What would suck that by that long an extra stay on the tarmac, my Vita would have long been drained. Actually, the silly thing lasts about 3 to 4 hours only...
 
2014-04-02 01:18:59 PM  

NightSteel: Yellow Beard: My brother and his wife were on that flight. His take on it is a hilarious read.

So share it with the class!


It's kind of long but I got a kick out of it. Here it is unedited----

Waiting for your flight is nearly as painful as waiting for a pot of water to boil, especially when you have connecting flights.  Then you learn that your flight is delayed nearly an hour and you begin to have doubts about catching the next flight.  You begin boarding and watch in amazement at what some consider a carry on bag. You are almost as amazed as you were watching these people check in.

Your eagerness to begin your trip is tempered by your very sore ass about five hours into the flight and you realize you have nine hours to go.  No matter what position you sit in, or how you shift your weight, your ass is in protest.

You get up and walk around, trying not to be too obvious in your discomfort.  The line for the bathrooms, are three or four long and you seriously need to adjust your junk.  You try to do the hands in the pockets trick only to catch a grand mother looking woman staring at you with a frown.

Nine hours into the flight your ass and junk are protesting and your feet chime in for good measure. Idle hands are the devils works shop falls short compared to feet.  They seem to get pissed from inactivity.

Your rebuilt knee which almost never complains, joins the party, it must have felt left out. The seat behind you has a mom and dad with twins, the twins look to be about four months old.  You wait for the crying to begin, but these twins seem content to sleep.

Twelve hours into your flight you check the map that shows the plane's progress and nearly weep, you still have a long way to go.  Your ass sees the progress through your eyes and alerts you to a cramp in a place no ass ever had a cramp before.  You wonder if the pilot can be bribed to firewall the throttles, and get the plane hauling ass.

Final approach and relief is at hand, but the Captain keys the intercom.  There is some nasty weather over Hong Kong and it might get a little bumpy.  You smile, that means free entertainment from those with even a little fear of flying.

The ride in is as rough as advertised and suddenly the plane pulls up.  Your brain screams no, your ass doubles the cramps to let you know it's opinion on any delays.   You circle the airport for nearly an hour, and due to low fuel you divert to an airport no one has ever heard of in China.

It isn't far, only twenty minutes as the Boeing flies.  You are pissed, this means a zero chance of catching your connecting flight, but at least you will be able to walk around and get your ass off your case.

Your pilot greases the landing and you notice that the plane rolls to a stop nowhere near any of the terminals. The Captain comes on and explains the Chinese authorities won't allow any passengers to deplane.   You think to yourself, "those communist pricks."

The Captain doesn't exactly impart confidence as he explains that he and his crew are at the legal limit and will have to be replaced before the plane can leave.  He estimates an early morning departure.   It is now nine o'clock at night.  Your ass must have fainted because it is entirely numb after hearing the news.

People around you groan, but accept the tragic news, we are in communist China after all.  What can any of us really do about it?  The flight attendants disappear, as if by magic or fear.

By one am the bathrooms are devoid of toilet paper and the trashcan is overflowing. People still stand in line for the pleasure of using the toxic waste sight that was formerly a bathroom.

You can't sleep, economy class seats are made to prevent any comfort or ability to relax.  You wonder if this is the airlines way of punishing those too cheap or too poor to by Business class seats or above.

The twins have found their voices, the parked plane is cold inside and if adults are cold the babies surely are as well.  You don't feel anger towards the infants, after all if it weren't for fear of being laughed at you would be crying too.

The attendants suddenly reappear and they come bearing the gift of sustenance.  Its been ten hours since the last meal was served.  You have a choice between fried rice or fried noodles.  The noodles look like stained shoe strings.  You wisely opt for the fried rice.

The Captain has promised that a relief crew will arrive in the early AM hours and get our asses out of China. He has not foreseen the problem of China demonstrating why they are known as the biggest dicks in Asia if not the world.  The Chinese will allow a plane to land, but the relief pilots will not be allowed to deplane.  They will have to take the ferry from Hong Kong and pass through immigration there.  This adds several hours to the wait.

The bathrooms now resemble mini-landfills and smell like outhouses. You silently vow to punch the next Chinese person you meet in the face.  Looking around, it is a target rich environment and you are out numbered. You decide to not keep that promise to yourself, at least today anyway.

Sleep is impossible, your ass has decided that if it must endure the hardship of hard seats, you should be awake for it all.  Your wife decides her comfort zone is to lay across your lap adding even more pressure to an ass that feels getting sucked through a jet engine would be a perfect remedy to its woes.  You silently accept that this is repayment for all the evil you must have done in your life.

There are cups of water set out for the passengers to help themselves.  It has the flavor of hand sanitizer with a hint of bio warfare mixed in.  You sip it and nearly gag, dehydration has now become the preferable choice.  You make a note to yourself to buy extra drink and bring it in your carry on bag next time.

Great news is announced, the relief crew is inbound and only two hours behind schedule.  Then the other shoe drops.  They will need to verify all the work the previous crew has done.   You are glad, because it was those dumb asses that landed you in Communist China instead of just ditching the plane in the ocean off the coast of Hong Kong.

After the relief crew arrives at 12:50 pm they set about to making things right.  The relief crew includes new flight attendants who are terrified of what the bathrooms have become.  They do their best to avoid eye contact with the passengers.

You hear a loud thump and hope that somehow they fed the original pilots through an engine for punishment.  It is at this moment your ass decides to remind you that you haven't taken a shiat in over 36 hours.  You feel yourself lifted from your seat by bulging asshole syndrome.  You man up at order your ass to wait another hour.  You'll be on the ground in Hong Kong and can plug one of their toilets.

Your wife decides that she needs her legs rubbed.  You wonder why her ass isn't killing her like yours is, but decide not to ask.  The angel you married doesn't look like an angel at the moment.  In fact she looks more than a little possessed by the most evil of demons.  For the first time in your marriage you are afraid of your wife and massage her legs gladly.

The sound of the engines spooling up gives you hope.  The plane rolls about a hundred yards and stops.  You wonder to yourself if this is more Chinese games.  The Chinese finger trap comes to mind and you decide that you will vote for any candidate that promises to nuke China.

The new crew brings out more fried noodles for the wait.  You suspect that they are what's left of the noodles offered earlier.  Worse still you wonder if we are delayed again?  Your ass has forgotten the need to shiat and feels like it has split lengthwise from kidneys to knees.  Your nut sack feels like someone has used super glue to glue it to your thighs and it too is tearing in half.  You're not worried, you will never need those balls again after this flight.

You learn from the new Captain that your first Captain was not the only idiot to divert to Mainland China.  You are in line with the other victims, to leave.  The old saying, misery enjoys company comes to mind, but offers very little comfort.

The plane begins to roll forward and the foul air of the compartment seems to freshen slightly.  Not for the first time you wish that you could roll the windows down and let some air in.

In the seat across from you sits a member of the original flight crew.  She is the very picture of beauty and she has a run in her stocking.  Oddly enough, you're turned on by her, and thoughts of vengeance depart your thoughts.  She is wearing a very short skirt and the man part of you decides that you would love to knock the bottom out of her in compensation for your suffering.

The attendant catches you leering and smiles.  You realize that she is a plant.  The crew must know your hidden thoughts, and have played a masterful game of defusing your homicidal tendencies.  The gorgeous woman who is also a flight attendant shifts her position and you now can see the top of her stockings.

You stare with lust, your sore ass is forgotten and your thunder stick is coming to life.  It's at that very moment you notice that your wife has noticed where your attention has been for the last three minutes.  Her hand rests upon your junk and you know that tiny, graceful hand will inflict greater pain than any flight attendant is worth.

Your thunder stick calms down and the flight attendant has turned her wiles on to another victim.  You feel a brief pang of jealousy that passes as your wife breaths in your face to whisper something that sounds like Blah bo kigh something something.  You nod your head as if you understood every word.

The Captain orders the flight crew to take their seats, we are taking off.  I want to scream "Dump the bilges on the runway, leave China something to remember us by."

The plane screams down the runway and takes off, even your pissed off ass is celebrating.  You have escaped from China without receiving a full body cavity search.  This has to be a first and a call to the book of world records becomes your first priority upon landing in Hong Kong.

It is a short flight of 20 minutes and more good news follows.  Your flight has priority for landing!!!!  No doubt the CDC will be on hand to evaluate the bathrooms.  You know damned well right there will be a few new germs and diseases in them for those geeks to check out.

Your new Captain decides that your asses are not nearly sore enough and when he sets down he puts the Boeing 777-300 landing gear to the test.  People clap their hands in celebration, no one caught fire from a fiery crash and we are in Hong Kong.

The airline must feel that perhaps the ordeal was more than the passengers bargained for, and have many representatives waiting for us as we escape the hell hole that resembles a 265 million dollar aircraft. They may have to send it back to Boeing for an overhaul and clean up detail.

You are given an envelope with a letter of apology and a 1000 Hong Kong Dollar note.  You are then sent to another area where you receive a new boarding pass for a flight to Bangkok.  With the pass is a food voucher good for 1 day, to get real food from any restaurant in the airport.  You almost feel like forgiving the airline their trespasses against you.  No not really, but you accept the token of their shame.

You find a restaurant that not only has real food, but also serves beer.  A pissed off and very painful ass needs beverage that will numb the brain.  You have just enough time to hammer two Stouts and eat a bacon cheese burger then haul ass to your gate which thankfully has just started boarding.

Your ass takes this moment to remind you that you really need to take a shiat and you're way over due.  Your flight leaves on time and you jump to your feet the second the fasten seat belt light goes out.  The plane is about to receive another world record from yours truly.

It really is amazing what an aircraft toilet will flush in one attempt.  You know for a fact the toilet in your home would never have tolerated such abuse.  You almost feel sad for the next occupant, but not really.

Your flight lands in Bangkok without delay and as you have become accustomed to in previous flights to the Land of the Smile, customs here is a quick five minutes and you are on your way to baggage claim.  Thailand awaits you and you are thrilled beyond words.  You have heard of nightmare flights, but even in the Military, never endured such a train wreck.

Your stepdaughter is waiting for you.  Her smile dazzles you as she waves to you.  Your wife still looks possessed and it might have something to do with catching you leering at an evil temptress in the uniform of a flight attendant.  This too, you shall survive, after all you survived China.
 
2014-04-02 01:22:53 PM  

MooseBayou: cybrwzrd: Skarekrough: cybrwzrd: MooseBayou: Thanks to the turbulence, we landed at Zhuhai with the young man in seat 39H having thrown up several times due to severe motion sickness. That young man was unfortunately me.

Meh, I kinda like this guy.

I don't. I fly a lot and people like him need to stay on the ground in their hypoallergenic bubbles segregated away from the rest of society. On top of that, if he had a true nut allergy as well he would have been dead from anaphylaxis from nut particles in the air, not just from being a sissy boy whose mommy told him not to eat nuts as they make him gassy. We couldn't be so lucky as to have that happened to his entitled first world self.

Unless you can find a way for his money to be less green then yours then I'm afraid you're just going to have to deal with him and his ilk in your regular flying routine.

Good point, but no matter how green his money is - it does not prevent him from being an insufferable little worm, or me from deriding him as such.

I stopped reading at the cited sentence, not realizing that he was an insufferable, self-entitled bastard.  Like 99.99% of the people on this planet.   NTTAWWT.


Nope, there's definitely something wrong with it.
 
2014-04-02 01:24:05 PM  
I was stuck in O'Hare overnight a couple New Year's Eves ago.  I didn't realize that qualified me to write  Alive II:One Man, Two Days, Seventy-Two Days, And Insurmountable Odds--The Classic Adventure Of Survival on A Diet of Deepdish and Overpriced Hotdogs.
 
2014-04-02 01:24:47 PM  

NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!!: anfrind: digistil: Fly business or first class. It's the only reasonable way to travel long distances in a short amount of time without going insane.

You sound rich.

This. First class is a months salary or more for us peons.


Newsflash: A lot of people travel for business.  Their comapny pays for it.
 
2014-04-02 01:29:34 PM  

Yellow Beard: My brother and his wife were on that flight. His take on it is a hilarious read.


Care to share?
 
2014-04-02 01:29:56 PM  

MooseBayou: Thanks to the turbulence, we landed at Zhuhai with the young man in seat 39H having thrown up several times due to severe motion sickness. That young man was unfortunately me.

Meh, I kinda like this guy.


I'm on board with you. He was stuck in a crappy situation and just told about it. He didn't claim to be some kind of hero for living through it, and he didn't brush it off as if being suck on a plane for 33 hours is crappy for everyone but super tough dudes like him.
 
2014-04-02 01:33:57 PM  

sethen320: Yellow Beard: My brother and his wife were on that flight. His take on it is a hilarious read.

Care to share?


I did. Can you not see it?
 
2014-04-02 01:35:14 PM  
Pretty sure that happens every time I fly Air Canada.

/actively avoids flying Air Canada
 
2014-04-02 01:37:06 PM  

Yellow Beard: It's kind of long but I got a kick out of it. Here it is unedited----


A+, would read again.
 
2014-04-02 01:39:09 PM  

Englebert Slaptyback: Don't fly in steerage?

Accommodate your own frailties (tendency to vomit, nut allergy (alleged)) by bringing appropriate medications and sustenance with you?

It's better to spend a few bucks on overpriced items from the shops inside the airport than it is to suffer unnecessarily or - in the case of vomit - to cause those around you to suffer unnecessarily.


Not bringing meds when traveling like this was bone headed.
Not bringing enough sustenance to bring you though the next 33 hours? I'm going to go ahead and say that unless you're going off into the wilds, not bringing such provisions is reasonable.

It's like after a major snowstorm or flood, when people are unexpected trapped in their cars....there is always the parade of "well, it's their own fault, They should be keeping cases of fresh water, plenty of warm dry clothes, snow hiking gear, ....in the car with them".
 
2014-04-02 01:41:44 PM  

d23: D135: Work yourself into an uncontrollable rage, crack open the skull of a passenger in front of you and feast on the goo inside?

For some reason this reminds me of a SNL sketch Will Ferrel was in which morning show anchors return to a state of nature and start killing each other when their teleprompter breaks down.  The thin line between sanity and insanity is brittle indeed.


For those of you who are curious what he's talking about, look what I found online.
 
2014-04-02 01:43:07 PM  

NightSteel: Yellow Beard: It's kind of long but I got a kick out of it. Here it is unedited----

A+, would read again.


I'll let him know you liked it.
 
2014-04-02 01:43:39 PM  

Yellow Beard: NightSteel: Yellow Beard: My brother and his wife were on that flight. His take on it is a hilarious read.

So share it with the class!

It's kind of long but I got a kick out of it. Here it is unedited----

Waiting for your flight is nearly as painful as waiting for a pot of water to boil, especially when you have connecting flights.  Then you learn that your flight is delayed nearly an hour and you begin to have doubts about catching the next flight.  You begin boarding and watch in amazement at what some consider a carry on bag. You are almost as amazed as you were watching these people check in.

Your eagerness to begin your trip is tempered by your very sore ass about five hours into the flight and you realize you have nine hours to go.  No matter what position you sit in, or how you shift your weight, your ass is in protest.

You get up and walk around, trying not to be too obvious in your discomfort.  The line for the bathrooms, are three or four long and you seriously need to adjust your junk.  You try to do the hands in the pockets trick only to catch a grand mother looking woman staring at you with a frown.

Nine hours into the flight your ass and junk are protesting and your feet chime in for good measure. Idle hands are the devils works shop falls short compared to feet.  They seem to get pissed from inactivity.

Your rebuilt knee which almost never complains, joins the party, it must have felt left out. The seat behind you has a mom and dad with twins, the twins look to be about four months old.  You wait for the crying to begin, but these twins seem content to sleep.

Twelve hours into your flight you check the map that shows the plane's progress and nearly weep, you still have a long way to go.  Your ass sees the progress through your eyes and alerts you to a cramp in a place no ass ever had a cramp before.  You wonder if the pilot can be bribed to firewall the throttles, and get the plane hauling ass.

Final approach and relief is at hand, but the Ca ...


a million internets to your brother.
 
2014-04-02 01:44:34 PM  

SDRR: Wellon Dowd: Is suffering from asthma or having a nut allergy a requirement to write for Lifehacker?

And autism, ADHD, and celiac disease.


And carrying at least two iDevice
 
2014-04-02 01:46:32 PM  

Yellow Beard: NightSteel: Yellow Beard: It's kind of long but I got a kick out of it. Here it is unedited----

A+, would read again.

I'll let him know you liked it.


Better than the linked article by a long shot.
 
2014-04-02 01:48:28 PM  

Slaves2Darkness: So, in other words AVOID CHINA! Why anybody goes to China or does business with China I'll never know. More than that I'm baffled when westerners biatch about China acting like they are Chinese.


Pretty much this.
 
2014-04-02 01:50:56 PM  

Yellow Beard: NightSteel: Yellow Beard: My brother and his wife were on that flight. His take on it is a hilarious read.

So share it with the class!

It's kind of long but I got a kick out of it. Here it is unedited----


Does your brother perhaps have a newsletter I could subscribe to?
 
2014-04-02 01:52:14 PM  

Graffito: ChipNASA: GTFO and *walk* a-hole.

/jebus is it THAT complicated??

Um. You've never been stuck on a grounded plane, have you?  You are not allowed off.

You could try the emergency exit, but you would be arrested (if not shot by overzealous security.)


I was thinking about that...   Yeah, if a few passengers say fark-it and get off by themselves, then they will certainly be thrown in a Chinese jail... but if all of the passengers come together to do this at the same time then the Chinese wouldn't dare imprison everyone... It would be a huge international incident...   so that's my answer, incite a mutiny and have everyone disembark....
 
2014-04-02 01:54:41 PM  

moike: Yellow Beard: NightSteel: Yellow Beard: My brother and his wife were on that flight. His take on it is a hilarious read.

So share it with the class!

It's kind of long but I got a kick out of it. Here it is unedited----

Does your brother perhaps have a newsletter I could subscribe to?


No but he does have a few books on amazon....(shameless pitch to sell books for brother detected)
 
2014-04-02 01:58:42 PM  

Maul555: but if all of the passengers come together to do this at the same time then the Chinese wouldn't dare imprison everyone.


Are you sure about that?
 
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