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(Lifehacker Australia)   How to survive 33 hours stuck on an airplane   (lifehacker.com.au ) divider line
    More: Scary, airplanes, Cathay Pacific, hub airport, immigration officer, Oh Shit, flights  
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10796 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Apr 2014 at 11:21 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



168 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2014-04-02 11:22:06 AM  
Take the boat, bus or train?
 
2014-04-02 11:23:23 AM  
Take more layovers?
 
2014-04-02 11:24:04 AM  
Drink. A lot.
 
2014-04-02 11:24:27 AM  
Don't get on an airplane.
 
2014-04-02 11:24:44 AM  
Eject
 
2014-04-02 11:24:51 AM  
What about 3 1/2 weeks?
 
2014-04-02 11:25:25 AM  
GTFO and *walk* a-hole.

/jebus is it THAT complicated??
 
2014-04-02 11:26:45 AM  
www.trbimg.com

+

ireadfaux.com
 
2014-04-02 11:28:23 AM  
TL;DR

How many people did they eat?
 
2014-04-02 11:28:28 AM  
Quit biatching....

airfactsjournal.com
 
2014-04-02 11:28:49 AM  
We walked off the plane and Cathay staff were there handing out letters of apology with $HK1000 ($A120) attached for our trouble.

An U.S. based airline would have said "stop biatching" and given out a voucher for free peanuts on the next flight.
 
2014-04-02 11:29:06 AM  
The most amazing thing about that story are the comments defending the Chinese government.
 
2014-04-02 11:29:45 AM  
Could have been worse -- you could have been endlessly and mindlessly hypothesized by CNN.
 
2014-04-02 11:30:56 AM  
What would have happened if 300 significantly or
Mostly American passengers just...got off the plane?

Surely even the Chinese wouldn't do anything crazy...that would be one HELL of an incident...
 
2014-04-02 11:31:35 AM  
The guy is asthmatic and allergic to nuts. And decided to fly without medication and/or food without nuts. So yeah - it's a bit of an unprepared first-worlder story.
 
2014-04-02 11:31:47 AM  

d23: $HK1000 ($A120)


In American, that's what, like five bucks?
 
2014-04-02 11:32:10 AM  

ChipNASA: Quit biatching....

[airfactsjournal.com image 850x633]


Unless death is involved no one has a right to complain?
 
2014-04-02 11:32:26 AM  
Don't fly in steerage?

Accommodate your own frailties (tendency to vomit, nut allergy (alleged)) by bringing appropriate medications and sustenance with you?

It's better to spend a few bucks on overpriced items from the shops inside the airport than it is to suffer unnecessarily or - in the case of vomit - to cause those around you to suffer unnecessarily.
 
2014-04-02 11:33:37 AM  

maram500: d23: $HK1000 ($A120)

In American, that's what, like five bucks?


Well then, in Euros, it must be about three. And in UK pounds, about one-and-a-half.
 
2014-04-02 11:34:03 AM  
Is suffering from asthma or having a nut allergy a requirement to write for Lifehacker?
 
2014-04-02 11:34:38 AM  
Overall on the piece, though: doncha hate it when some twenty-year old writes about his 'problems' in third person?
 
2014-04-02 11:34:39 AM  

maram500: d23: $HK1000 ($A120)

In American, that's what, like five bucks?


Google sez a this moment it is about $128.92.

Not much, however, like I said, Delta would be say "Suck it up, cowboy" and do jack shiat.
 
2014-04-02 11:34:43 AM  
He sounds like the manliest man on the planet
 
2014-04-02 11:34:49 AM  
Thanks to the turbulence, we landed at Zhuhai with the young man in seat 39H having thrown up several times due to severe motion sickness. That young man was unfortunately me.

Meh, I kinda like this guy.
 
2014-04-02 11:35:08 AM  

d23: An U.S. based airline would have said "stop biatching" and given out a voucher for free peanuts on the next flight.


Thisfinity. But then, Cathay have always been one of the very best airlines out there.

/was on a Cathay 777 a week ago myself
//incredibly proactive and helpful crew, and by modern airline standards, a pretty comfortable economy class too
 
2014-04-02 11:35:22 AM  
Worse still, I had forgotten to pack my asthma medication, as I thought I'd be only on the plane until Sydney, meaning I wouldn't need another dose.

Either this guy is a complete idiot or he doesn't really have asthma.  As an actual asthmatic I can tell you that I never ever go anywhere without my inhaler and I would double check a thousand times that I had it with me before I got on a plane for a 15 hour flight.
 
2014-04-02 11:35:26 AM  

Gunboat: The most amazing thing about that story are the comments defending the Chinese government.


You think the Chinese government doesn't have plants everywhere on the internet? ;-)  Almost as many as the democratic party does.... HEYO!  WUBBA WUBBA DUB DUB!
 
2014-04-02 11:35:28 AM  
img.fark.net
Just shoot it down.
 
2014-04-02 11:35:40 AM  

fruitloop: TL;DR

How many people did they eat?


No one, but someone took a small bite out of each passenger.
 
2014-04-02 11:36:26 AM  

Wellon Dowd: Is suffering from asthma or having a nut allergy a requirement to write for Lifehacker?


And autism, ADHD, and celiac disease.
 
2014-04-02 11:36:57 AM  
Sir, do you have anything to declare?

Yea, don't go to China.
 
2014-04-02 11:38:06 AM  
Well, to start with:

www.poisoncentertampa.org
 
2014-04-02 11:38:16 AM  
I've learned that boredom, though serious, is not usually fatal and that content on an iPad can be viewed more than once.
 
2014-04-02 11:38:34 AM  
I keep everyone entertained with the "gremlin on the wing" routine I do.
 
2014-04-02 11:38:48 AM  
Cannibalism.
 
2014-04-02 11:39:30 AM  

ChipNASA: GTFO and *walk* a-hole.

/jebus is it THAT complicated??


Ask me how I know you that didn't read the article...
 
2014-04-02 11:39:40 AM  

SDRR: Wellon Dowd: Is suffering from asthma or having a nut allergy a requirement to write for Lifehacker?

And autism, ADHD, and celiac disease.


At least he doesn't have crohn's disease.  THAT would have been a mess for everyone.
 
2014-04-02 11:39:41 AM  

pippi longstocking: He sounds like the manliest man on the planet


yeah.
I bet he wouldn't survive an hour in Jersey.
 
2014-04-02 11:39:46 AM  
Pincy: "...this guy is a complete idiot..."

Done in One!
 
2014-04-02 11:39:52 AM  

NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!!


What would have happened if 300 significantly or
Mostly American passengers just...got off the plane?

Surely even the Chinese wouldn't do anything crazy...that would be one HELL of an incident...


The people who got off the plane would fall the 17 feet or so to the tarmac, because there would be no jetway or portable stairs outside the door to accommodate them.

That probably would be an incident. Bonus points if the report included the phrase "sacks of wet cement".
 
2014-04-02 11:40:52 AM  
You guys ragging on this guy are acting like spoiled jerks. If you're sitting on a tarmac for endless hours in a strange country, I want to see how cool and collected you'll act.

Me, I'd be in chains.
 
2014-04-02 11:41:00 AM  

Tax Boy: [www.trbimg.com image 600x397]

+

[ireadfaux.com image 640x640]


This thread was over. Right here.
 
2014-04-02 11:41:54 AM  

Englebert Slaptyback: NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!!

What would have happened if 300 significantly or
Mostly American passengers just...got off the plane?

Surely even the Chinese wouldn't do anything crazy...that would be one HELL of an incident...


The people who got off the plane would fall the 17 feet or so to the tarmac, because there would be no jetway or portable stairs outside the door to accommodate them.

That probably would be an incident. Bonus points if the report included the phrase "sacks of wet cement".


And, again, forms of the phrase "that guy was a complete idiot" would be used.  FULL CIRCLE, DUDES! DUST IN THE WIND!!
 
2014-04-02 11:42:05 AM  

Pincy: Worse still, I had forgotten to pack my asthma medication, as I thought I'd be only on the plane until Sydney, meaning I wouldn't need another dose.

Either this guy is a complete idiot or he doesn't really have asthma.  As an actual asthmatic I can tell you that I never ever go anywhere without my inhaler and I would double check a thousand times that I had it with me before I got on a plane for a 15 hour flight.


If it were an American flight, I'd assume he'd be afraid the TSA would confiscate it some sort of futuristic weapon and lock him up.
 
2014-04-02 11:42:07 AM  
That would possibly be my last flight.
 
2014-04-02 11:42:08 AM  

Englebert Slaptyback: NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!!

What would have happened if 300 significantly or
Mostly American passengers just...got off the plane?

Surely even the Chinese wouldn't do anything crazy...that would be one HELL of an incident...


The people who got off the plane would fall the 17 feet or so to the tarmac, because there would be no jetway or portable stairs outside the door to accommodate them.

That probably would be an incident. Bonus points if the report included the phrase "sacks of wet cement".


So inflate the slides. It was raining right? Bonus water park!
 
2014-04-02 11:43:33 AM  
media.tumblr.com
 
2014-04-02 11:43:35 AM  
Hopefully you didn't pick the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
 
2014-04-02 11:43:47 AM  

MooseBayou: Thanks to the turbulence, we landed at Zhuhai with the young man in seat 39H having thrown up several times due to severe motion sickness. That young man was unfortunately me.

Meh, I kinda like this guy.


I don't. I fly a lot and people like him need to stay on the ground in their hypoallergenic bubbles segregated away from the rest of society. On top of that, if he had a true nut allergy as well he would have been dead from anaphylaxis from nut particles in the air, not just from being a sissy boy whose mommy told him not to eat nuts as they make him gassy. We couldn't be so lucky as to have that happened to his entitled first world self.
 
2014-04-02 11:44:26 AM  
Bonus nap time!  Don't drink or eat too much and enjoy the downtime.
 
2014-04-02 11:44:26 AM  
Such a boring article why is it even greenlighted?

Summary.
Nerd complaining about:
-Motion sickness
-Peanut allergy
-Boredom
-Not enough games/things to watch on his phone and tablet

I would have thrown him out a window if I were there.
 
2014-04-02 11:44:58 AM  
I go in the bathroom for 5 hours and when I come out, I'm wearing a pilot's uniform.  I start ordering the sky waitresses around "Form a pyramid!  A pyramid!  Not a triangle!" and then tell the passengers they can walk out on the wings if they can give me $20. I also tell them there's extra food hidden on the plane.  They just have to find it.

Then, I go back in to the bathroom and come out in my regular clothes.  I shoot some video and forward it to the lawyers/tv news.
 
2014-04-02 11:45:46 AM  

d23: Google sez a this moment it is about $128.92.

Not much, however, like I said, Delta would be say "Suck it up, cowboy" and do jack shiat.


Not much? They are being inconvenienced, not tortured. They get 120 dollars, about enough for a very fun night out, to compensate for 1 night of not getting of the plane. They should just talk to people and amuse themselves for a bit.
 
2014-04-02 11:46:25 AM  
Hide and seek?

i.imgur.com
 
2014-04-02 11:47:00 AM  

NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!!


So inflate the slides. It was raining right? Bonus water park!


That... is a damn fine answer.

*tips hat*
 
2014-04-02 11:48:25 AM  
Obviously some of you guys don't suffer from claustrophobia at all. I can't sit in a chair surrounded by strangers in a tube for endless hours without flipping out at least a little bit. I would need a LOT of vodka and or painkillers.
 
2014-04-02 11:49:29 AM  
33 hrs stuck on a plane? Much of that sitting still at an airport unable to disembark?  Assault the weakest looking adult on the plane until you are forcibly pried off and tossed off the plane in chains. Worth it.
 
2014-04-02 11:50:11 AM  
Its 33 hours. As long as you don't injure yourself you will survive.
 
2014-04-02 11:50:24 AM  
Nice try, Lao Che!
 
2014-04-02 11:51:30 AM  
There was probably a huge orgy on board and he wasn't invited. Asthma and all.
 
2014-04-02 11:54:01 AM  

gadian: 33 hrs stuck on a plane? Much of that sitting still at an airport unable to disembark?  Assault the weakest looking adult on the plane until you are forcibly pried off and tossed off the plane in chains. Worth it.


Do you think the Chinese police care if the white devils kill one another?
 
2014-04-02 11:54:20 AM  
Oh boo-hoo. People have been stuck on Malaysia flight 370 for over three weeks and how do you think they feel?
 
2014-04-02 11:54:25 AM  
Dallas to Singapore was a total of 22 flying hours with a 2 hour layover in Tokyo thrown in....it was challenge not going crazy.
 
2014-04-02 11:55:16 AM  

Gunboat: The most amazing thing about that story are the comments defending the Chinese government.


Haven't you ever heard of the 50-cent brigades? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFdr4gWsGog
 
2014-04-02 11:55:40 AM  

Lt. Cheese Weasel: Dallas to Singapore was a total of 22 flying hours with a 2 hour layover in Tokyo thrown in....it was challenge not going crazy.


See, I think you can tolerate it better if you actually are moving and heading towards your destination.

Being stuck on a tarmac, knowing you aren't getting anywhere for a long time, that will rip even the sanest man's sanity open.
 
2014-04-02 11:56:19 AM  

Arkanaut: fruitloop: TL;DR

How many people did they eat?

No one, but someone took a small bite out of each passenger.


Clearly, this was not an experienced cannibal. He did not get on that plane expecting to eat anyone.

/KITH FTW
 
2014-04-02 11:56:35 AM  
Fly business or first class. It's the only reasonable way to travel long distances in a short amount of time without going insane.
 
2014-04-02 11:57:59 AM  

Super Chronic: Oh boo-hoo. People have been stuck on Malaysia flight 370 for over three weeks and how do you think they feel?


Soggy.
 
2014-04-02 11:58:48 AM  
Jesus, I would go insane half-way in.

d23: An U.S. based airline would have said "stop biatching" and given out a voucher for free peanuts on the next flight.


FWIW, I have noticed that Alaska has started giving out vouchers for 2000 points any time there is the smallest hiccup. Surprising (and welcome).
 
2014-04-02 11:58:49 AM  

Anayalator: Hide and seek?

[i.imgur.com image 610x406]


Dang, and that's what I get for having the thread open for that long and not refreshing before commenting. (I really didn't think it had been eight minutes though. Had some other threads open too.) So, tiny fist, etc.
 
2014-04-02 11:58:55 AM  

Confabulat: Obviously some of you guys don't suffer from claustrophobia at all. I can't sit in a chair surrounded by strangers in a tube for endless hours without flipping out at least a little bit. I would need a LOT of vodka and or painkillers.


wtf ever happened to Xanax, people?

digistil: Fly business or first class. It's the only reasonable way to travel long distances in a short amount of time without going insane.


You say that like it's a bad thing.
/I have kids and chose insanity a long, long time ago. It's blissful.
 
2014-04-02 11:59:49 AM  

cybrwzrd: MooseBayou: Thanks to the turbulence, we landed at Zhuhai with the young man in seat 39H having thrown up several times due to severe motion sickness. That young man was unfortunately me.

Meh, I kinda like this guy.

I don't. I fly a lot and people like him need to stay on the ground in their hypoallergenic bubbles segregated away from the rest of society. On top of that, if he had a true nut allergy as well he would have been dead from anaphylaxis from nut particles in the air, not just from being a sissy boy whose mommy told him not to eat nuts as they make him gassy. We couldn't be so lucky as to have that happened to his entitled first world self.


Unless you can find a way for his money to be less green then yours then I'm afraid you're just going to have to deal with him and his ilk in your regular flying routine.
 
2014-04-02 12:00:16 PM  

Coming on a Bicycle: The guy is asthmatic and allergic to nuts. And decided to fly without medication and/or food without nuts. So yeah - it's a bit of an unprepared first-worlder story.


This is what I got from the story as well.  "I had enough entertainment for 33 hours, but forgot any of the things I need to live."
 
2014-04-02 12:00:25 PM  

Grumpy Cat: There was probably a huge orgy on board and he wasn't invited. Asthma and all.


Not to mention all the exposure to nuts.
 
2014-04-02 12:00:40 PM  
As long as her panties are around her ankles, round it up to 40.
therumhowlerblog.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-04-02 12:01:50 PM  
Work yourself into an uncontrollable rage, crack open the skull of a passenger in front of you and feast on the goo inside?
 
2014-04-02 12:03:33 PM  

Super Chronic: Oh boo-hoo. People have been stuck on Malaysia flight 370 for over three weeks and how do you think they feel?


We all know that they're in a prison in Diego Garcia.
 
2014-04-02 12:04:03 PM  

ChipNASA: GTFO and *walk* a-hole.

/jebus is it THAT complicated??


Um. You've never been stuck on a grounded plane, have you?  You are not allowed off.

You could try the emergency exit, but you would be arrested (if not shot by overzealous security.)
 
2014-04-02 12:04:05 PM  

D135: Work yourself into an uncontrollable rage, crack open the skull of a passenger in front of you and feast on the goo inside?


For some reason this reminds me of a SNL sketch Will Ferrel was in which morning show anchors return to a state of nature and start killing each other when their teleprompter breaks down.  The thin line between sanity and insanity is brittle indeed.
 
2014-04-02 12:04:44 PM  
Nobody put a gun to your head and said "Go to China"
 
2014-04-02 12:05:26 PM  

Skarekrough: cybrwzrd: MooseBayou: Thanks to the turbulence, we landed at Zhuhai with the young man in seat 39H having thrown up several times due to severe motion sickness. That young man was unfortunately me.

Meh, I kinda like this guy.

I don't. I fly a lot and people like him need to stay on the ground in their hypoallergenic bubbles segregated away from the rest of society. On top of that, if he had a true nut allergy as well he would have been dead from anaphylaxis from nut particles in the air, not just from being a sissy boy whose mommy told him not to eat nuts as they make him gassy. We couldn't be so lucky as to have that happened to his entitled first world self.

Unless you can find a way for his money to be less green then yours then I'm afraid you're just going to have to deal with him and his ilk in your regular flying routine.


Good point, but no matter how green his money is - it does not prevent him from being an insufferable little worm, or me from deriding him as such.
 
2014-04-02 12:05:46 PM  
Apparently, according to this guy, you biatch your way through it.
 
2014-04-02 12:06:00 PM  
Throw up on the plane?  Check.
Considers having to sleep on the plane "susrvival"?  Check.
Nut allergies?  Check.
Asthma?  Check.
Considers having to re-watch content on his iPad some form of torture?  Check that too.


So the guy considers having to sleep on a plane "survival"?  What an idiot.  Throwing up all over the place was probably unavoidable for him but still, not cool.  But the thing that really gets me is he has nut allergies (of course he does) and asthma yet he doesn't think to prepare for this before getting on an international flight?  It doesn't matter if he wasn't planning on having to sleep in China, there's always the possibility of your non-checked bags not arriving with you.  This guy is an unprepared whiny little douchebag.

I fly a lot.  There are things which you ALWAYS pack in your carry on bag, NEVER in your checked bags:
Snacks
Medicines
Car Keys
House Keys
Phone Charger
Travel Documents

The keys thing is just a fear of mine.  It would really suck to get home and not be able to drive to your house or get in.
 
2014-04-02 12:06:37 PM  

Odd Bird: As long as her panties are around her ankles, round it up to 40.
[therumhowlerblog.files.wordpress.com image 300x359]



What the hell are you going to do the other 39 hours and 57 minutes?
 
2014-04-02 12:06:45 PM  

sethen320: Throw up on the plane?  Check.
Considers having to sleep on the plane "susrvival"?  Check.
Nut allergies?  Check.
Asthma?  Check.
Considers having to re-watch content on his iPad some form of torture?  Check that too.


So the guy considers having to sleep on a plane "survival"?  What an idiot.  Throwing up all over the place was probably unavoidable for him but still, not cool.  But the thing that really gets me is he has nut allergies (of course he does) and asthma yet he doesn't think to prepare for this before getting on an international flight?  It doesn't matter if he wasn't planning on having to sleep in China, there's always the possibility of your non-checked bags not arriving with you.  This guy is an unprepared whiny little douchebag.

I fly a lot.  There are things which you ALWAYS pack in your carry on bag, NEVER in your checked bags:
Snacks
Medicines
Car Keys
House Keys
Phone Charger
Travel Documents

The keys thing is just a fear of mine.  It would really suck to get home and not be able to drive to your house or get in.


Doh!  I meant there's the possibility of your CHECKED bags not arriving with you.
 
2014-04-02 12:07:06 PM  
So, apparently being bored and slightly hungry for a day and a half is what passes for a "harrowing experience" these days.
 
2014-04-02 12:07:34 PM  

Coming on a Bicycle: maram500: d23: $HK1000 ($A120)

In American, that's what, like five bucks?

Well then, in Euros, it must be about three. And in UK pounds, about one-and-a-half.


applausesign.jpg

And I'm an American.

/who dislikes ugly 'muricans
//inb4 "relax francis"
 
2014-04-02 12:07:40 PM  

DROxINxTHExWIND: Odd Bird: As long as her panties are around her ankles, round it up to 40.
[therumhowlerblog.files.wordpress.com image 300x359]


What the hell are you going to do the other 39 hours and 57 minutes?


I'd disappoint her if given the chance. THAT'S SO.
 
2014-04-02 12:07:53 PM  

digistil: Fly business or first class. It's the only reasonable way to travel long distances in a short amount of time without going insane.


You sound rich.
 
2014-04-02 12:08:40 PM  

digistil: Fly business or first class. It's the only reasonable way to travel long distances in a short amount of time without going insane.


I think business class moves at the same speed as coach when you're sitting on the tarmac.  I would imagine the amount of discomfort would be about the same as well.  I haven't seen any studies or anything, just a hunch.
 
2014-04-02 12:08:44 PM  
So, in other words AVOID CHINA! Why anybody goes to China or does business with China I'll never know. More than that I'm baffled when westerners biatch about China acting like they are Chinese.
 
2014-04-02 12:08:55 PM  

XMark: So, apparently being bored and slightly hungry for a day and a half is what passes for a "harrowing experience" these days.


Again, you're stuck in a tube surrounded by strangers with a very small amount of personal space.

If you think that sounds groovy and cool to you, I hope I never fly with your type. You're probably the sort that tries to make conversation.
 
2014-04-02 12:08:55 PM  
I hate flying. I hate the cramped seats, I hate the food and I hate the hurry-up-and-wait mentality of airports.

Stopped reading there.  Your blog had such an "I suxor" mentality to it.
 
2014-04-02 12:09:38 PM  

d23: maram500: d23: $HK1000 ($A120)

In American, that's what, like five bucks?

Google sez a this moment it is about $128.92.

Not much, however, like I said, Delta would be say "Suck it up, cowboy" and do jack shiat.


maram500, have you *not* been paying attention to the economy? The US Dollar hasn't been preeminent for some time now.
 
2014-04-02 12:10:34 PM  

Noticeably F.A.T.: Super Chronic: Oh boo-hoo. People have been stuck on Malaysia flight 370 for over three weeks and how do you think they feel?

Soggy.


Wrinkly?
 
2014-04-02 12:10:44 PM  

DROxINxTHExWIND: Odd Bird: As long as her panties are around her ankles, round it up to 40.
[therumhowlerblog.files.wordpress.com image 300x359]


What the hell are you going to do the other 39 hours and 57 minutes?


Did you NOT see the bottle of Vodka?

/three whole minutes?  Are you some sort of machine!
 
2014-04-02 12:10:55 PM  

trappedspirit: I hate flying. I hate the cramped seats, I hate the food and I hate the hurry-up-and-wait mentality of airports.

Stopped reading there.  Your blog had such an "I suxor" mentality to it.


Do you LIKE flying? Do you LIKE any of those named things?

just curious.
 
2014-04-02 12:11:13 PM  

brimed03: Coming on a Bicycle: maram500: d23: $HK1000 ($A120)

In American, that's what, like five bucks?

Well then, in Euros, it must be about three. And in UK pounds, about one-and-a-half.

applausesign.jpg

And I'm an American.

/who dislikes ugly 'muricans
//inb4 "relax francis"


I won't say "relax Francis" or even "lighten up Francis" but I will wonder who the hell thinks currency exchange rates are a source of national pride, one way or the other.
 
2014-04-02 12:12:07 PM  

anfrind: digistil: Fly business or first class. It's the only reasonable way to travel long distances in a short amount of time without going insane.

You sound rich.


This. First class is a months salary or more for us peons.
 
2014-04-02 12:13:49 PM  

Coming on a Bicycle: Overall on the piece, though: doncha hate it when some twenty-year old writes about his 'problems' in third person?


I don't think his age has anything to do with it; it's an established and perfectly valid technique. Hell, I'm pretty sure Douglas Adams wrote from the fourth-person perspective.

/but never in the future perfect since it was discovered not to be
 
2014-04-02 12:15:24 PM  

dj_bigbird: Super Chronic: Oh boo-hoo. People have been stuck on Malaysia flight 370 for over three weeks and how do you think they feel?

We all know that they're in a prison in Diego Garcia.


Were you posting here??

https://plus.google.com/118130460728982234124/about?gl=us&hl=en

Eyewitnesses saw a low flying plane with same markings heading to this direction, a link to the maersk Alabama , two dead ex navy seals, suspicious cargo/personell , Philip wood text, Malaysian gov saying it crashed with no proof, pilots flight simulator.


Please let the passengers of MH370 go home safely to their loved ones. You may do what you wish to with the airliner.

Why has this place not been checked for the missing plane,is it because its another area 51 ??? stop wasting every ones time and check that base out
 
2014-04-02 12:16:52 PM  

Confabulat: Obviously some of you guys don't suffer from claustrophobia at all. I can't sit in a chair surrounded by strangers in a tube for endless hours without flipping out at least a little bit. I would need a LOT of vodka and or painkillers.


Would you have gotten on the plane in the first place? Even if it was just supposed to be for 15 hours?
 
2014-04-02 12:18:43 PM  
Why not how.
 
2014-04-02 12:19:07 PM  

Super Chronic: Oh boo-hoo. People have been stuck on Malaysia flight 370 for over three weeks and how do you think they feel?



Kinda mushy and water-logged by now.
 
2014-04-02 12:21:43 PM  

Confabulat: Obviously some of you guys don't suffer from claustrophobia at all. I can't sit in a chair surrounded by strangers in a tube for endless hours without flipping out at least a little bit. I would need a LOT of vodka and or painkillers.


Yeah this.  I'd say I have a very mild case of it.  Generally speaking, I'm fine, but I don't like crowds where I can't move and I don't like to feel trapped.  When I'm on a plane it's usually not an issue because aside from waiting for the herd to all pile in and find a spot for their stupid oversized carryons, there isn't a long wait to get going.  If the plane has to wait much longer than 20-30 minutes I start to freak out a little.  33 hours I'd be the guy hanging by the door trying to get some fresh air and space.  Unless I had managed to procure enough booze to just pass out, that would be acceptable too.
 
2014-04-02 12:24:45 PM  

ChipNASA: GTFO and *walk* a-hole.

/jebus is it THAT complicated??


How about you actually *read* the article a-hole.
 
2014-04-02 12:25:47 PM  

Skarekrough: DROxINxTHExWIND: Odd Bird: As long as her panties are around her ankles, round it up to 40.
[therumhowlerblog.files.wordpress.com image 300x359]


What the hell are you going to do the other 39 hours and 57 minutes?

Did you NOT see the bottle of Vodka?

/three whole minutes?  Are you some sort of machine!


Glad someone noticed the vodak, it would certainly last longer than I will.
 
2014-04-02 12:26:32 PM  

give me doughnuts: Would you have gotten on the plane in the first place? Even if it was just supposed to be for 15 hours?


Well if the plane was moving towards its destination, I would be fine. It's being stuck somewhere for hours while getting no closer to my destination that would cause me to flip right the hell out.
 
2014-04-02 12:26:49 PM  

Carn: Confabulat: Obviously some of you guys don't suffer from claustrophobia at all. I can't sit in a chair surrounded by strangers in a tube for endless hours without flipping out at least a little bit. I would need a LOT of vodka and or painkillers.

Yeah this.  I'd say I have a very mild case of it.  Generally speaking, I'm fine, but I don't like crowds where I can't move and I don't like to feel trapped.  When I'm on a plane it's usually not an issue because aside from waiting for the herd to all pile in and find a spot for their stupid oversized carryons, there isn't a long wait to get going.  If the plane has to wait much longer than 20-30 minutes I start to freak out a little.  33 hours I'd be the guy hanging by the door trying to get some fresh air and space.  Unless I had managed to procure enough booze to just pass out, that would be acceptable too.


But that's the point. His "article" had no interesting stories. They were terribly mundane. I expected people hanging from the ceiling and screaming. And maybe some sex. What he wrote was dull.
 
2014-04-02 12:29:10 PM  
I've found that the number of allergies a person has is inversely proportional to their mental health. And the number of these allergies that require everyone else to alter their behavior even more so. My favorite "allergies" I've encountered are to the influenza virus (not the vaccine, the virus) and an allergy to ambien ... Because it made them go to sleep ...
 
2014-04-02 12:30:29 PM  
cookies, preferably not filled, Biscoff are the best
3 oranges
good beef jerky, no Slim Jims
2 liters of water in stainless steel bottles
Snickers
generic ondansetron for nausea

I thought the Asian airlines usually had impromptu lingerie shows.

I think I could endure 33 hours of priapism and yellow fever.

assets.nydailynews.com

And a rendition of "Oh, Me So Horny"

Better add Viagra, Cialis and Levitra to the list
 
2014-04-02 12:30:41 PM  
I can live with 33 hours of just staying in one place... but with little food, little water and no facilities?
 
2014-04-02 12:37:59 PM  
My brother and his wife were on that flight. His take on it is a hilarious read.
 
2014-04-02 12:38:56 PM  

Gunboat: The most amazing thing about that story are the comments defending the Chinese government.


Thats because China has people who's only purpose is to make them look good. Failing that making those that make China look bad disappear.
 
2014-04-02 12:40:53 PM  
How to survive 33 hours stuck on an airplane: The MH370 Story
 
2014-04-02 12:41:16 PM  

Super Chronic: Oh boo-hoo. People have been stuck on Malaysia flight 370 for over three weeks and how do you think they feel?


like fish food???
 
2014-04-02 12:41:50 PM  
Cathay Pacific? C'mon...That's like complaining about being stuck for 33 hours in the lobby of a Marriott.

At least Cathay Pacific has decent service and would do it's best to keep it's passengers comfortable.

Come back and tell us how to survive for 33 hours on a United flight and I'll finish reading your blog.
 
2014-04-02 12:44:44 PM  

NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!!: anfrind: digistil: Fly business or first class. It's the only reasonable way to travel long distances in a short amount of time without going insane.

You sound rich.

This. First class is a months salary or more for us peons.


You are doing it wrong, your company is supposed to foot the bill for first class on international flights
 
2014-04-02 12:48:34 PM  
Join the zero mile high club.
 
2014-04-02 12:48:44 PM  

sethen320: digistil: Fly business or first class. It's the only reasonable way to travel long distances in a short amount of time without going insane.

I think business class moves at the same speed as coach when you're sitting on the tarmac.  I would imagine the amount of discomfort would be about the same as well.  I haven't seen any studies or anything, just a hunch.


That's exactly where it makes one of the biggest differences. Bottomless champagne makes being stuck on the ground much more bearable.

That said, I can't imagine ever being able to justify the average price of a business class ticket (guessing $5,000 on a better airline for international travel).
 
2014-04-02 12:55:43 PM  
blogs.westword.com
 
2014-04-02 12:59:28 PM  

Tiggobitties: NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!!: anfrind: digistil: Fly business or first class. It's the only reasonable way to travel long distances in a short amount of time without going insane.

You sound rich.

This. First class is a months salary or more for us peons.

You are doing it wrong, your company is supposed to foot the bill for first class on international flights


What company pays its employee's airfare for vacation travel? (Aside from the CEO's.)
 
2014-04-02 01:02:21 PM  

Super Chronic: Oh boo-hoo. People have been stuck on Malaysia flight 370 for over three weeks and how do you think they feel?


I think they are getting along quite swimmingly by now. Er that didn't come out right - what I meant to say is that you have never seen a bunch of people become better chums in such a short time.

/I'll take the window seat please
 
2014-04-02 01:03:19 PM  

cybrwzrd: Skarekrough: cybrwzrd: MooseBayou: Thanks to the turbulence, we landed at Zhuhai with the young man in seat 39H having thrown up several times due to severe motion sickness. That young man was unfortunately me.

Meh, I kinda like this guy.

I don't. I fly a lot and people like him need to stay on the ground in their hypoallergenic bubbles segregated away from the rest of society. On top of that, if he had a true nut allergy as well he would have been dead from anaphylaxis from nut particles in the air, not just from being a sissy boy whose mommy told him not to eat nuts as they make him gassy. We couldn't be so lucky as to have that happened to his entitled first world self.

Unless you can find a way for his money to be less green then yours then I'm afraid you're just going to have to deal with him and his ilk in your regular flying routine.

Good point, but no matter how green his money is - it does not prevent him from being an insufferable little worm, or me from deriding him as such.


I stopped reading at the cited sentence, not realizing that he was an insufferable, self-entitled bastard.  Like 99.99% of the people on this planet.  NTTAWWT.
 
2014-04-02 01:05:21 PM  
I dunno, that's a lot of whining from the author.  Also he seems to be rather frail, maybe he shouldn't try such onerous flights.
 
2014-04-02 01:05:46 PM  

Yellow Beard: My brother and his wife were on that flight. His take on it is a hilarious read.


So share it with the class!
 
2014-04-02 01:08:10 PM  
This story reads like the underlying problem is that the author had to go 33 hours straight without choking down a cock.
 
2014-04-02 01:11:19 PM  

Super Chronic: Oh boo-hoo. People have been stuck on Malaysia flight 370 for over three weeks and how do you think they feel?


I would imagine they are cold and wet.
 
2014-04-02 01:14:15 PM  

lostcat: Tiggobitties: NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!!: anfrind: digistil: Fly business or first class. It's the only reasonable way to travel long distances in a short amount of time without going insane.

You sound rich.

This. First class is a months salary or more for us peons.

You are doing it wrong, your company is supposed to foot the bill for first class on international flights

What company pays its employee's airfare for vacation travel? (Aside from the CEO's.)


I think that was the joke.
 
2014-04-02 01:15:59 PM  
oh wow. I guess how you fare would depend on the seats. As I am a cheap bastard (or rather I cannot justify paying 4 times more for business class), I fly coach. The seats on Lufthansa, despite looking like the cheapest most uncushioned seats available were actually reasonably comfy and I did an 11 hour flight with no problems. The seats on ANA were the opposite. Looked comfy, back pain after 2 hours in an 11 hour flight because they were not molded for human beings.

What would suck that by that long an extra stay on the tarmac, my Vita would have long been drained. Actually, the silly thing lasts about 3 to 4 hours only...
 
2014-04-02 01:18:59 PM  

NightSteel: Yellow Beard: My brother and his wife were on that flight. His take on it is a hilarious read.

So share it with the class!


It's kind of long but I got a kick out of it. Here it is unedited----

Waiting for your flight is nearly as painful as waiting for a pot of water to boil, especially when you have connecting flights.  Then you learn that your flight is delayed nearly an hour and you begin to have doubts about catching the next flight.  You begin boarding and watch in amazement at what some consider a carry on bag. You are almost as amazed as you were watching these people check in.

Your eagerness to begin your trip is tempered by your very sore ass about five hours into the flight and you realize you have nine hours to go.  No matter what position you sit in, or how you shift your weight, your ass is in protest.

You get up and walk around, trying not to be too obvious in your discomfort.  The line for the bathrooms, are three or four long and you seriously need to adjust your junk.  You try to do the hands in the pockets trick only to catch a grand mother looking woman staring at you with a frown.

Nine hours into the flight your ass and junk are protesting and your feet chime in for good measure. Idle hands are the devils works shop falls short compared to feet.  They seem to get pissed from inactivity.

Your rebuilt knee which almost never complains, joins the party, it must have felt left out. The seat behind you has a mom and dad with twins, the twins look to be about four months old.  You wait for the crying to begin, but these twins seem content to sleep.

Twelve hours into your flight you check the map that shows the plane's progress and nearly weep, you still have a long way to go.  Your ass sees the progress through your eyes and alerts you to a cramp in a place no ass ever had a cramp before.  You wonder if the pilot can be bribed to firewall the throttles, and get the plane hauling ass.

Final approach and relief is at hand, but the Captain keys the intercom.  There is some nasty weather over Hong Kong and it might get a little bumpy.  You smile, that means free entertainment from those with even a little fear of flying.

The ride in is as rough as advertised and suddenly the plane pulls up.  Your brain screams no, your ass doubles the cramps to let you know it's opinion on any delays.   You circle the airport for nearly an hour, and due to low fuel you divert to an airport no one has ever heard of in China.

It isn't far, only twenty minutes as the Boeing flies.  You are pissed, this means a zero chance of catching your connecting flight, but at least you will be able to walk around and get your ass off your case.

Your pilot greases the landing and you notice that the plane rolls to a stop nowhere near any of the terminals. The Captain comes on and explains the Chinese authorities won't allow any passengers to deplane.   You think to yourself, "those communist pricks."

The Captain doesn't exactly impart confidence as he explains that he and his crew are at the legal limit and will have to be replaced before the plane can leave.  He estimates an early morning departure.   It is now nine o'clock at night.  Your ass must have fainted because it is entirely numb after hearing the news.

People around you groan, but accept the tragic news, we are in communist China after all.  What can any of us really do about it?  The flight attendants disappear, as if by magic or fear.

By one am the bathrooms are devoid of toilet paper and the trashcan is overflowing. People still stand in line for the pleasure of using the toxic waste sight that was formerly a bathroom.

You can't sleep, economy class seats are made to prevent any comfort or ability to relax.  You wonder if this is the airlines way of punishing those too cheap or too poor to by Business class seats or above.

The twins have found their voices, the parked plane is cold inside and if adults are cold the babies surely are as well.  You don't feel anger towards the infants, after all if it weren't for fear of being laughed at you would be crying too.

The attendants suddenly reappear and they come bearing the gift of sustenance.  Its been ten hours since the last meal was served.  You have a choice between fried rice or fried noodles.  The noodles look like stained shoe strings.  You wisely opt for the fried rice.

The Captain has promised that a relief crew will arrive in the early AM hours and get our asses out of China. He has not foreseen the problem of China demonstrating why they are known as the biggest dicks in Asia if not the world.  The Chinese will allow a plane to land, but the relief pilots will not be allowed to deplane.  They will have to take the ferry from Hong Kong and pass through immigration there.  This adds several hours to the wait.

The bathrooms now resemble mini-landfills and smell like outhouses. You silently vow to punch the next Chinese person you meet in the face.  Looking around, it is a target rich environment and you are out numbered. You decide to not keep that promise to yourself, at least today anyway.

Sleep is impossible, your ass has decided that if it must endure the hardship of hard seats, you should be awake for it all.  Your wife decides her comfort zone is to lay across your lap adding even more pressure to an ass that feels getting sucked through a jet engine would be a perfect remedy to its woes.  You silently accept that this is repayment for all the evil you must have done in your life.

There are cups of water set out for the passengers to help themselves.  It has the flavor of hand sanitizer with a hint of bio warfare mixed in.  You sip it and nearly gag, dehydration has now become the preferable choice.  You make a note to yourself to buy extra drink and bring it in your carry on bag next time.

Great news is announced, the relief crew is inbound and only two hours behind schedule.  Then the other shoe drops.  They will need to verify all the work the previous crew has done.   You are glad, because it was those dumb asses that landed you in Communist China instead of just ditching the plane in the ocean off the coast of Hong Kong.

After the relief crew arrives at 12:50 pm they set about to making things right.  The relief crew includes new flight attendants who are terrified of what the bathrooms have become.  They do their best to avoid eye contact with the passengers.

You hear a loud thump and hope that somehow they fed the original pilots through an engine for punishment.  It is at this moment your ass decides to remind you that you haven't taken a shiat in over 36 hours.  You feel yourself lifted from your seat by bulging asshole syndrome.  You man up at order your ass to wait another hour.  You'll be on the ground in Hong Kong and can plug one of their toilets.

Your wife decides that she needs her legs rubbed.  You wonder why her ass isn't killing her like yours is, but decide not to ask.  The angel you married doesn't look like an angel at the moment.  In fact she looks more than a little possessed by the most evil of demons.  For the first time in your marriage you are afraid of your wife and massage her legs gladly.

The sound of the engines spooling up gives you hope.  The plane rolls about a hundred yards and stops.  You wonder to yourself if this is more Chinese games.  The Chinese finger trap comes to mind and you decide that you will vote for any candidate that promises to nuke China.

The new crew brings out more fried noodles for the wait.  You suspect that they are what's left of the noodles offered earlier.  Worse still you wonder if we are delayed again?  Your ass has forgotten the need to shiat and feels like it has split lengthwise from kidneys to knees.  Your nut sack feels like someone has used super glue to glue it to your thighs and it too is tearing in half.  You're not worried, you will never need those balls again after this flight.

You learn from the new Captain that your first Captain was not the only idiot to divert to Mainland China.  You are in line with the other victims, to leave.  The old saying, misery enjoys company comes to mind, but offers very little comfort.

The plane begins to roll forward and the foul air of the compartment seems to freshen slightly.  Not for the first time you wish that you could roll the windows down and let some air in.

In the seat across from you sits a member of the original flight crew.  She is the very picture of beauty and she has a run in her stocking.  Oddly enough, you're turned on by her, and thoughts of vengeance depart your thoughts.  She is wearing a very short skirt and the man part of you decides that you would love to knock the bottom out of her in compensation for your suffering.

The attendant catches you leering and smiles.  You realize that she is a plant.  The crew must know your hidden thoughts, and have played a masterful game of defusing your homicidal tendencies.  The gorgeous woman who is also a flight attendant shifts her position and you now can see the top of her stockings.

You stare with lust, your sore ass is forgotten and your thunder stick is coming to life.  It's at that very moment you notice that your wife has noticed where your attention has been for the last three minutes.  Her hand rests upon your junk and you know that tiny, graceful hand will inflict greater pain than any flight attendant is worth.

Your thunder stick calms down and the flight attendant has turned her wiles on to another victim.  You feel a brief pang of jealousy that passes as your wife breaths in your face to whisper something that sounds like Blah bo kigh something something.  You nod your head as if you understood every word.

The Captain orders the flight crew to take their seats, we are taking off.  I want to scream "Dump the bilges on the runway, leave China something to remember us by."

The plane screams down the runway and takes off, even your pissed off ass is celebrating.  You have escaped from China without receiving a full body cavity search.  This has to be a first and a call to the book of world records becomes your first priority upon landing in Hong Kong.

It is a short flight of 20 minutes and more good news follows.  Your flight has priority for landing!!!!  No doubt the CDC will be on hand to evaluate the bathrooms.  You know damned well right there will be a few new germs and diseases in them for those geeks to check out.

Your new Captain decides that your asses are not nearly sore enough and when he sets down he puts the Boeing 777-300 landing gear to the test.  People clap their hands in celebration, no one caught fire from a fiery crash and we are in Hong Kong.

The airline must feel that perhaps the ordeal was more than the passengers bargained for, and have many representatives waiting for us as we escape the hell hole that resembles a 265 million dollar aircraft. They may have to send it back to Boeing for an overhaul and clean up detail.

You are given an envelope with a letter of apology and a 1000 Hong Kong Dollar note.  You are then sent to another area where you receive a new boarding pass for a flight to Bangkok.  With the pass is a food voucher good for 1 day, to get real food from any restaurant in the airport.  You almost feel like forgiving the airline their trespasses against you.  No not really, but you accept the token of their shame.

You find a restaurant that not only has real food, but also serves beer.  A pissed off and very painful ass needs beverage that will numb the brain.  You have just enough time to hammer two Stouts and eat a bacon cheese burger then haul ass to your gate which thankfully has just started boarding.

Your ass takes this moment to remind you that you really need to take a shiat and you're way over due.  Your flight leaves on time and you jump to your feet the second the fasten seat belt light goes out.  The plane is about to receive another world record from yours truly.

It really is amazing what an aircraft toilet will flush in one attempt.  You know for a fact the toilet in your home would never have tolerated such abuse.  You almost feel sad for the next occupant, but not really.

Your flight lands in Bangkok without delay and as you have become accustomed to in previous flights to the Land of the Smile, customs here is a quick five minutes and you are on your way to baggage claim.  Thailand awaits you and you are thrilled beyond words.  You have heard of nightmare flights, but even in the Military, never endured such a train wreck.

Your stepdaughter is waiting for you.  Her smile dazzles you as she waves to you.  Your wife still looks possessed and it might have something to do with catching you leering at an evil temptress in the uniform of a flight attendant.  This too, you shall survive, after all you survived China.
 
2014-04-02 01:22:53 PM  

MooseBayou: cybrwzrd: Skarekrough: cybrwzrd: MooseBayou: Thanks to the turbulence, we landed at Zhuhai with the young man in seat 39H having thrown up several times due to severe motion sickness. That young man was unfortunately me.

Meh, I kinda like this guy.

I don't. I fly a lot and people like him need to stay on the ground in their hypoallergenic bubbles segregated away from the rest of society. On top of that, if he had a true nut allergy as well he would have been dead from anaphylaxis from nut particles in the air, not just from being a sissy boy whose mommy told him not to eat nuts as they make him gassy. We couldn't be so lucky as to have that happened to his entitled first world self.

Unless you can find a way for his money to be less green then yours then I'm afraid you're just going to have to deal with him and his ilk in your regular flying routine.

Good point, but no matter how green his money is - it does not prevent him from being an insufferable little worm, or me from deriding him as such.

I stopped reading at the cited sentence, not realizing that he was an insufferable, self-entitled bastard.  Like 99.99% of the people on this planet.   NTTAWWT.


Nope, there's definitely something wrong with it.
 
2014-04-02 01:24:05 PM  
I was stuck in O'Hare overnight a couple New Year's Eves ago.  I didn't realize that qualified me to write  Alive II:One Man, Two Days, Seventy-Two Days, And Insurmountable Odds--The Classic Adventure Of Survival on A Diet of Deepdish and Overpriced Hotdogs.
 
2014-04-02 01:24:47 PM  

NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!!: anfrind: digistil: Fly business or first class. It's the only reasonable way to travel long distances in a short amount of time without going insane.

You sound rich.

This. First class is a months salary or more for us peons.


Newsflash: A lot of people travel for business.  Their comapny pays for it.
 
2014-04-02 01:29:34 PM  

Yellow Beard: My brother and his wife were on that flight. His take on it is a hilarious read.


Care to share?
 
2014-04-02 01:29:56 PM  

MooseBayou: Thanks to the turbulence, we landed at Zhuhai with the young man in seat 39H having thrown up several times due to severe motion sickness. That young man was unfortunately me.

Meh, I kinda like this guy.


I'm on board with you. He was stuck in a crappy situation and just told about it. He didn't claim to be some kind of hero for living through it, and he didn't brush it off as if being suck on a plane for 33 hours is crappy for everyone but super tough dudes like him.
 
2014-04-02 01:33:57 PM  

sethen320: Yellow Beard: My brother and his wife were on that flight. His take on it is a hilarious read.

Care to share?


I did. Can you not see it?
 
2014-04-02 01:35:14 PM  
Pretty sure that happens every time I fly Air Canada.

/actively avoids flying Air Canada
 
2014-04-02 01:37:06 PM  

Yellow Beard: It's kind of long but I got a kick out of it. Here it is unedited----


A+, would read again.
 
2014-04-02 01:39:09 PM  

Englebert Slaptyback: Don't fly in steerage?

Accommodate your own frailties (tendency to vomit, nut allergy (alleged)) by bringing appropriate medications and sustenance with you?

It's better to spend a few bucks on overpriced items from the shops inside the airport than it is to suffer unnecessarily or - in the case of vomit - to cause those around you to suffer unnecessarily.


Not bringing meds when traveling like this was bone headed.
Not bringing enough sustenance to bring you though the next 33 hours? I'm going to go ahead and say that unless you're going off into the wilds, not bringing such provisions is reasonable.

It's like after a major snowstorm or flood, when people are unexpected trapped in their cars....there is always the parade of "well, it's their own fault, They should be keeping cases of fresh water, plenty of warm dry clothes, snow hiking gear, ....in the car with them".
 
2014-04-02 01:41:44 PM  

d23: D135: Work yourself into an uncontrollable rage, crack open the skull of a passenger in front of you and feast on the goo inside?

For some reason this reminds me of a SNL sketch Will Ferrel was in which morning show anchors return to a state of nature and start killing each other when their teleprompter breaks down.  The thin line between sanity and insanity is brittle indeed.


For those of you who are curious what he's talking about, look what I found online.
 
2014-04-02 01:43:07 PM  

NightSteel: Yellow Beard: It's kind of long but I got a kick out of it. Here it is unedited----

A+, would read again.


I'll let him know you liked it.
 
2014-04-02 01:43:39 PM  

Yellow Beard: NightSteel: Yellow Beard: My brother and his wife were on that flight. His take on it is a hilarious read.

So share it with the class!

It's kind of long but I got a kick out of it. Here it is unedited----

Waiting for your flight is nearly as painful as waiting for a pot of water to boil, especially when you have connecting flights.  Then you learn that your flight is delayed nearly an hour and you begin to have doubts about catching the next flight.  You begin boarding and watch in amazement at what some consider a carry on bag. You are almost as amazed as you were watching these people check in.

Your eagerness to begin your trip is tempered by your very sore ass about five hours into the flight and you realize you have nine hours to go.  No matter what position you sit in, or how you shift your weight, your ass is in protest.

You get up and walk around, trying not to be too obvious in your discomfort.  The line for the bathrooms, are three or four long and you seriously need to adjust your junk.  You try to do the hands in the pockets trick only to catch a grand mother looking woman staring at you with a frown.

Nine hours into the flight your ass and junk are protesting and your feet chime in for good measure. Idle hands are the devils works shop falls short compared to feet.  They seem to get pissed from inactivity.

Your rebuilt knee which almost never complains, joins the party, it must have felt left out. The seat behind you has a mom and dad with twins, the twins look to be about four months old.  You wait for the crying to begin, but these twins seem content to sleep.

Twelve hours into your flight you check the map that shows the plane's progress and nearly weep, you still have a long way to go.  Your ass sees the progress through your eyes and alerts you to a cramp in a place no ass ever had a cramp before.  You wonder if the pilot can be bribed to firewall the throttles, and get the plane hauling ass.

Final approach and relief is at hand, but the Ca ...


a million internets to your brother.
 
2014-04-02 01:44:34 PM  

SDRR: Wellon Dowd: Is suffering from asthma or having a nut allergy a requirement to write for Lifehacker?

And autism, ADHD, and celiac disease.


And carrying at least two iDevice
 
2014-04-02 01:46:32 PM  

Yellow Beard: NightSteel: Yellow Beard: It's kind of long but I got a kick out of it. Here it is unedited----

A+, would read again.

I'll let him know you liked it.


Better than the linked article by a long shot.
 
2014-04-02 01:48:28 PM  

Slaves2Darkness: So, in other words AVOID CHINA! Why anybody goes to China or does business with China I'll never know. More than that I'm baffled when westerners biatch about China acting like they are Chinese.


Pretty much this.
 
2014-04-02 01:50:56 PM  

Yellow Beard: NightSteel: Yellow Beard: My brother and his wife were on that flight. His take on it is a hilarious read.

So share it with the class!

It's kind of long but I got a kick out of it. Here it is unedited----


Does your brother perhaps have a newsletter I could subscribe to?
 
2014-04-02 01:52:14 PM  

Graffito: ChipNASA: GTFO and *walk* a-hole.

/jebus is it THAT complicated??

Um. You've never been stuck on a grounded plane, have you?  You are not allowed off.

You could try the emergency exit, but you would be arrested (if not shot by overzealous security.)


I was thinking about that...   Yeah, if a few passengers say fark-it and get off by themselves, then they will certainly be thrown in a Chinese jail... but if all of the passengers come together to do this at the same time then the Chinese wouldn't dare imprison everyone... It would be a huge international incident...   so that's my answer, incite a mutiny and have everyone disembark....
 
2014-04-02 01:54:41 PM  

moike: Yellow Beard: NightSteel: Yellow Beard: My brother and his wife were on that flight. His take on it is a hilarious read.

So share it with the class!

It's kind of long but I got a kick out of it. Here it is unedited----

Does your brother perhaps have a newsletter I could subscribe to?


No but he does have a few books on amazon....(shameless pitch to sell books for brother detected)
 
2014-04-02 01:58:42 PM  

Maul555: but if all of the passengers come together to do this at the same time then the Chinese wouldn't dare imprison everyone.


Are you sure about that?
 
2014-04-02 02:04:31 PM  

Confabulat: Maul555: but if all of the passengers come together to do this at the same time then the Chinese wouldn't dare imprison everyone.

Are you sure about that?


I would be exactly as sure as the other people I convinced to mutiny...   And yeah... I am pretty sure the Chinese would think twice about imprisoning hoards of foreigners who just wanted to escape a tin can and walk around in circles...
 
2014-04-02 02:06:55 PM  

Yellow Beard: It's kind of long but I got a kick out of it. Here it is unedited----


I tried and I tried and I tried, but I can only vote for this once.
 
2014-04-02 02:09:52 PM  

Maul555: And yeah... I am pretty sure the Chinese would think twice about imprisoning hoards of foreigners who just wanted to escape a tin can and walk around in circles...


Maybe. But I bet no one would be getting to Hong Kong for a looooong time.
 
2014-04-02 02:20:40 PM  

Noticeably F.A.T.: Super Chronic: Oh boo-hoo. People have been stuck on Malaysia flight 370 for over three weeks and how do you think they feel?

Soggy.


ChipNASA: Noticeably F.A.T.: Super Chronic: Oh boo-hoo. People have been stuck on Malaysia flight 370 for over three weeks and how do you think they feel?

Soggy.

Wrinkly?


give me doughnuts: Super Chronic: Oh boo-hoo. People have been stuck on Malaysia flight 370 for over three weeks and how do you think they feel?


Kinda mushy and water-logged by now.


Tiggobitties: Super Chronic: Oh boo-hoo. People have been stuck on Malaysia flight 370 for over three weeks and how do you think they feel?

like fish food???


cybrwzrd: Super Chronic: Oh boo-hoo. People have been stuck on Malaysia flight 370 for over three weeks and how do you think they feel?

I think they are getting along quite swimmingly by now. Er that didn't come out right - what I meant to say is that you have never seen a bunch of people become better chums in such a short time.

/I'll take the window seat please


firemanbuck: Super Chronic: Oh boo-hoo. People have been stuck on Malaysia flight 370 for over three weeks and how do you think they feel?

I would imagine they are cold and wet.


It's like you guys haven't even considered the possibility that they just got lost inside a really big cloud and will emerge as soon as the weather breaks up, any day now.
 
2014-04-02 02:20:46 PM  

Yellow Beard: sethen320: Yellow Beard: My brother and his wife were on that flight. His take on it is a hilarious read.

Care to share?

I did. Can you not see it?


Sorry. Had not read that far yet.
 
2014-04-02 02:23:40 PM  

ChipNASA: Noticeably F.A.T.: Super Chronic: Oh boo-hoo. People have been stuck on Malaysia flight 370 for over three weeks and how do you think they feel?

Soggy.

Wrinkly?


Pruny?
 
2014-04-02 02:29:18 PM  

Yellow Beard: NightSteel: Yellow Beard: My brother and his wife were on that flight. His take on it is a hilarious read.

So share it with the class!

It's kind of long but I got a kick out of it. Here it is unedited----
.......
Final approach and relief is at hand, but the Ca ...



BRAVO! Good sir.
Bra-VO!

Now THAT is how you write an article.

TFA's author should get a copy and learn how to write
 
2014-04-02 02:30:24 PM  

Sasquach


Not bringing meds when traveling like this was bone headed.
Not bringing enough sustenance to bring you though the next 33 hours? I'm going to go ahead and say that unless you're going off into the wilds, not bringing such provisions is reasonable.


The guy in TFA indicated that he can only eat certain things. If has a restriction like that, he shouldn't rely on an airline to be able to accommodate him to his liking; bringing his own stuff is only prudent.


It's like after a major snowstorm or flood, when people are unexpected trapped in their cars....there is always the parade of "well, it's their own fault, They should be keeping cases of fresh water, plenty of warm dry clothes, snow hiking gear, ....in the car with them".


Every year there are advisories about exactly this sort of thing ("put X, Y, and Z in your car just in case") so it's not as if we're talking about completely off-the-wall suggestions here. And yes, I keep some water (not "cases"), granola bars or similar, and a couple of those foil-like emergency blankets in the vehicle, along with tow straps. Those items might come in handy for me or maybe for someone else.

I used to travel a lot. Especially on long-haul international trips I always carried a large bottle of water (plane air is dry) and something to eat in case of delays or other issues. Things don't always go as planned - a little forethought isn't a bad thing.
 
2014-04-02 02:32:55 PM  

Noticeably F.A.T.: Super Chronic: Oh boo-hoo. People have been stuck on Malaysia flight 370 for over three weeks and how do you think they feel?

Soggy.


Dead tired?
 
2014-04-02 02:50:58 PM  

Confabulat: trappedspirit: I hate flying. I hate the cramped seats, I hate the food and I hate the hurry-up-and-wait mentality of airports.

Stopped reading there.  Your blog had such an "I suxor" mentality to it.

Do you LIKE flying? Do you LIKE any of those named things?

just curious.


No.  But then the airports I go to don't have mentalities.
 
2014-04-02 03:07:52 PM  
My peanut allergy, my asthma, my iPhone, my iPad......

If I was the Chinese government I wouldn't give a plane load of these people any breaks either.
 
2014-04-02 03:46:28 PM  

sethen320: Newsflash: A lot of people travel for business. Their comapny pays for it.


Newsflash: LOTS more don't.

Also, I have. Repeatedly. I've NEVER flown anything but steerage.

/No, I'm not a Fortune 500 executive, and our bathrooms aren't stocked with gold flaked toilet paper, why do you ask?
 
2014-04-02 03:51:54 PM  

Yellow Beard: sethen320: Yellow Beard: My brother and his wife were on that flight. His take on it is a hilarious read.

Care to share?

I did. Can you not see it?


Very good, and much better than the whining suckitude of TFA. Well done to your brother.
 
2014-04-02 04:16:31 PM  
Ya know if I ever get off this airplane...
Where are my tic tacs? Uhhhh
img2-3.timeinc.net
 
2014-04-02 04:47:19 PM  

Valiente: Take the boat, bus or train?


Oh yeah, that's so obvious! Next time I'll take the bus between New York and Hong kong!
 
2014-04-02 05:01:21 PM  

Yellow Beard: It's kind of long but I got a kick out of it. Here it is unedited----

Final approach and relief is at hand, but the Ca ...


Awesome! Your brother's story is SO much better than mine...

I had an issue with bad flights (who hasn't), but it was even more fun for me since I was travelling as an unaccompanied minor at the time, flying from Stockholm, Sweden to Atlanta, Georgia back in the 80's... My flight out of Sweden was delayed 4 hrs due to weather issues in New York, so it started there. Then after we got to New York in the evening, our connecting flight was delayed another 4 hours. Finally around 9 or 10 they started to allow boarding, and waited until everyone was on the plane before announcing that our flight had been cancelled because the pilot and copilot never showed up...

Fast forward to the airlines booking our connecting flights for the next day and getting us hotel rooms after having all of us get our luggage, so after all was said and done, I finally got into a hotel room around 3 am, only to need a wakeup call at 6 so I could be at the airport by 7...

So by the time I finally got onto the plane, I was a zombie and just trying to sleep a little bit only to get woken up by some twit who just had to wake me up to ask me if she could swap seats with me so she could grab a smoke, since I'd been given a seat in the back of the plane, aka the smoking section when they still allowed that on domestic flights... I don't remember what I said to her, but I do remember I laid my head back on the tray to catch a nap...

Not so CSB, I know...
 
2014-04-02 06:23:00 PM  

Coming on a Bicycle: The guy is asthmatic and allergic to nuts. And decided to fly without medication and/or food without nuts. So yeah - it's a bit of an unprepared first-worlder story.


Don't forget he's also the guy who was puking repeatedly. If I was on that flight for 30+ hours having him as a fellow passenger would likely be the worst part of the ordeal (second only to the kid kicking the back of my seat the entire time).
 
2014-04-02 06:23:26 PM  
Were they waiting for their shipment of lemon-soaked paper towels?

/dnrtfa
 
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