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(The Atlantic)   "What eventually made him feel ready was practicing orgasmic meditation, which entails stroking a woman's clitoris for 15 minutes"   (theatlantic.com) divider line 38
    More: Interesting, Lists of people by belief, sexual abstinence, American Journal of Public Health, sexual intercourses, sexual surrogate  
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14701 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Apr 2014 at 12:08 AM (26 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-04-01 10:57:25 PM
17 votes:
I know how this guy feels. Getting to know your clitoris is one of the most important things you can do in any relationship.

Sometimes I like to lay down with my clitoris. I put a nice pillow down, and invite the clitoris in. The clitoris can sometimes be shy, but there are ways to entice it. I've found the clitoris has a fond affinity for peanut butter and watching old episodes of Designing Women. Gentle stroking ensues.

Occasionally things get out of hand and the clitoris gets unruly. Do NOT punch the clitoris, you will only make it angry and it will begin releasing a caustic substance that burns the hands and mouth. The key is to soften the mood. It seems to enjoy the fresh scent of Glade Plug-in Garden Fresh Lavender. Do not attempt to use real lavender.

Once you have subdued the clitoris with gentle stroking, the key is to very quickly lift up on the clitoris until you feel a metallic *click*. You have reached Stage Two. Next I'm told you'll want to find a large shrubbery. One that looks nice, and is not too expensive. I would go on but I've not yet gotten to Stage Two, I will post my experiences when I have the chance.
2014-04-02 01:34:17 AM
10 votes:
i.imgur.com
2014-04-01 10:49:29 PM
8 votes:
I'm actually pretty good at this orgasmic meditation, except that I use my vagina, not a woman's clitoris.  And I've condensed the process to 30 seconds, because, hey, I'm efficient.
2014-04-02 12:51:02 AM
6 votes:
076dd0a50e0c1255009e-bd4b8aabaca29897bc751dfaf75b290c.r40.cf1.rackcdn.com

"What's wrong with a kiss, boy? Hmm? Why not start her off with a nice kiss? You don't have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate. Give her a kiss, boy."
2014-04-02 12:41:00 AM
4 votes:
img.photobucket.com

Came for Jay, finding I'm having to do it myself.
-J-
2014-04-02 02:22:42 AM
3 votes:
From the folds of her gown, she lifted a lady bidness about fifteen centimeters on a side. She turned it and Paul saw that one side was open - black and oddly frightening. Paul slowly put his hand into the box. He first felt a sense of cold as the blackness closed around his hand, then slick flesh against his fingers and a prickling as though his hand were asleep...
"What's in the box?"
"Pain." He felt increased tingling in his hand, pressed his lips tightly together. How could this be a test? he wondered. The tingling became an itch... The itch became the faintest burning... It mounted slowly: heat upon heat upon heat... . The burning! The burning! He thought he could feel skin curling black on that agonized hand, the flesh crisping and dropping away until only charred bones remained.
It stopped! As though a switch had been turned off, the pain stopped... "Take your hand from the box, young human, and look at it." He fought down an aching shiver, stared at the lightless void where his hand seemed to remain of its own volition. Memory of pain inhibited every movement. Reason told him he would withdraw a blackened stump from that box. "Do it!" she snapped. He jerked his hand from the box, stared at it astonished. Not a mark. No sign of agony on the flesh. He held up the hand, turned it, flexed the fingers. "Pain by nerve induction," she said. "Can't go around maiming potential humans. There're those who'd give a pretty for the secret of this box, though."
2014-04-02 12:16:26 AM
3 votes:
There were far too many numbers in that article to maintain my chubber while reading it.  Mr. Happy does not like reading numbers.
2014-04-02 06:36:43 AM
2 votes:
DELORES!
2014-04-02 06:35:47 AM
2 votes:
johnlemartirao.files.wordpress.com
2014-04-02 06:26:43 AM
2 votes:

ShatteredMinds: duffblue: That's scary. How broken do you have to be to be a virgin in your 20s

I wouldn't say a person has to be broken, but you're probably right most would have some issues social, mental, or physical that limit their chances with the opposite sex.

So, if a person who is a virgin at twenty is broken what would you call a person who's still a virgin in their forties?


A TotalFarker
2014-04-02 02:29:15 AM
2 votes:
White_Scarf_Syndrome:

Take your height and her height.  If the difference is the length of your penis, that's a good poundin'

Hmm.  I am only a foot taller than my wife, so my dick is way longer than our height difference.  Is there any hope for us?
2014-04-02 02:13:22 AM
2 votes:
14 minutes to find it
1 minute to demonstrate you didn't really find it
2014-04-02 01:27:48 AM
2 votes:

rev. dave: Started 21, stopped 37.
16 years of sex is long enough


Geez, I hope you had a lot of lube...
2014-04-02 01:13:08 AM
2 votes:
No it's okay. Just take a step towards the clitoris. Don't be hesitant about it. If you're hesitant about it you'll scare it. Just take a step towards it like you've done this a million times. Okay great, great. Now that you're closer just look at it. Take a good look at it. It's not scary at all huh? It's pretty cute even! Now I want you to reach out and just touch it. No no we have to do this. Just put out one finger and just lightly stroke it. Well, just sort of think of it like a lightswitch. Just one finger up and down. Stop reaching for it so slowly. Don't be hesitant like I said. If you're hesitant it's going to think you don't like it. Then it'll go back and hide. OH! Good good! Yes exactly. You have to walk up to the clitoris and establish a hierarchy early on. You have to say "I am the alpha-clitoris" or you'll never have its respect. Now what? Like I said, sort of like a lightswitch. You need to be somewhat forceful with it but tender. Just up and down. Yes yes. Now that you have some comfort interacting with the clitoris feel free to get some more fingers on it. You are building trust with the clitoris. The clitoris is saying that it understands that you just want to be friends with it. Ooo yes exactly. Once you, oh my, once you have this trust you can... yeah you can move more swiftly. ... oh wow... whoo... Okay now stop for a minute. I think you and the clitoris are on the foundations of a great relationship. I say we put the collar on the clitoris and you can take it for a walk outside.
2014-04-02 12:38:01 AM
2 votes:

Rand's lacy underwear: Uh. Ladies... help us out here.

In my (extremely) limited experience that would seem awkward, strange, and probably begin to feel a bit raw for you. Is there really a woman alive who would put up with this?


Put up with it?  I'd pay for that shiat.
2014-04-02 12:34:12 AM
2 votes:

fusillade762: JoieD'Zen: fusillade762: So he didn't have sex until he was 28.

My last GF was a virgin at that age when she met me. Never again. I don't want to have to train them.

More like working past their anxiety and supressed issues I would imagine.

Yeah, that. She'd never had an orgasm and didn't even seem to care about trying. Eventually it started to have a detrimental effect on my ego.


Glad to see your ego made it out intact.
2014-04-02 12:33:37 AM
2 votes:
fta "I think I had a super-strong first year of sex," McDorman says, putting on his helmet. "I don't regret any of it. I'm learning a ton and it keeps getting better."

Safety first
2014-04-02 11:04:01 AM
1 votes:

Fubini: Fubini: Not very broken, apparently. It looks like about 1/5 of the population are still virgins when they turn 20.

Also, a quarter of the population has had vaginal sex by they time they're 15 years old. That's another kind of broken if you ask me.


img4.wikia.nocookie.net

Chef: The right time to start having sex is 17.
Sheila: So you mean 17 as long as you're in love?
Chef: Nope, just 17.
Gerald: But what if you're not ready at 17?
Chef: 17, you're ready.

/Not bad advice.
2014-04-02 10:38:18 AM
1 votes:

fusillade762:


My first time was on the floor of my prom date's apartment floor. A week after prom. With her mom upstairs. She didn't know I was a virgin. The song playing on the TV was Peter Gabriel's "Big Time".


/csb



You banged your prom date's mom?


media.247sports.com
2014-04-02 10:14:02 AM
1 votes:

Jarod Cain: [img.photobucket.com image 499x218]

Came for Jay, finding I'm having to do it myself.
-J-


Bet that happens to you a lot.
2014-04-02 08:41:19 AM
1 votes:

Tyrone Slothrop: fusillade762: So he didn't have sex until he was 28.

My last GF was a virgin at that age when she met me. Never again. I don't want to have to train them.

So in other words if you're a virgin past a certain age you should remain a virgin?


Oh my one individual's statement of preference is now extrapolated to an entire population? logical fallacy time again.  The coffee must be kicking in...what roast is that?  I'm guessing "butthurt".
2014-04-02 08:23:58 AM
1 votes:

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: He tosses his scooter helmet onto the wooden table...


And THAT'S why he was a 28 year old virgin.
2014-04-02 07:39:36 AM
1 votes:
"How to Better Please Your Clenis," by Joanie Laurer
2014-04-02 06:48:47 AM
1 votes:
I drft, but I think I know what to do next time I see women practicing yoga in the park.
2014-04-02 04:39:09 AM
1 votes:

feffer: DubtodaIll: This is the penultimate first world problem.

What's the ultimate first world problem, then?


thechive.files.wordpress.com
433 [TotalFark]
2014-04-02 03:47:58 AM
1 votes:
media.giphy.com
2014-04-02 01:22:00 AM
1 votes:

ShatteredMinds: duffblue: That's scary. How broken do you have to be to be a virgin in your 20s

I wouldn't say a person has to be broken, but you're probably right most would have some issues social, mental, or physical that limit their chances with the opposite sex.

So, if a person who is a virgin at twenty is broken what would you call a person who's still a virgin in their forties?


i172.photobucket.com
2014-04-02 01:01:22 AM
1 votes:

Penny_Ante: How is nobody addressing the fact that there is apparently a seminar you can take where you play with a clitoris for 15 minutes?


content8.flixster.com

Instant section eight.
2014-04-02 12:46:26 AM
1 votes:

Skleenar: I'm actually pretty good at this orgasmic meditation, except that I use my vagina, not a woman's clitoris.  And I've condensed the process to 30 seconds, because, hey, I'm efficient.


You go girl!
2014-04-02 12:37:25 AM
1 votes:
Mash down the Atari controller button real good.
2014-04-02 12:37:22 AM
1 votes:
So, anyone else take the Liebowitz Social Anxiety Scale Test? Seemed pretty accurate for me.

Your score: 86 you have severe social phobia.
2014-04-02 12:33:46 AM
1 votes:

worlddan: duffblue: That's scary. How broken do you have to be to be a virgin in your 20s


Funny, typically a female virgin is considered unbroken.


You're a prize to deflower when you're young; you're too broken to deflower when you're older. If you've at any point had more sex than the man you're currently involved with, you're a slut. This sounds like a reasonable set of requirements that has in no way negatively impacted the lives of anyone ever.
2014-04-02 12:23:18 AM
1 votes:

duffblue: That's scary. How broken do you have to be to be a virgin in your 20s



Funny, typically a female virgin is considered unbroken.
2014-04-02 12:23:17 AM
1 votes:
How to train your virgin
2014-04-02 12:16:42 AM
1 votes:

fusillade762: So he didn't have sex until he was 28.

My last GF was a virgin at that age when she met me. Never again. I don't want to have to train them.


Maybe she wants you to train her.
2014-04-02 12:15:51 AM
1 votes:
1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com
2014-04-01 11:52:40 PM
1 votes:
So he didn't have sex until he was 28.

My last GF was a virgin at that age when she met me. Never again. I don't want to have to train them.
2014-04-01 11:08:53 PM
1 votes:

bdub77: I would go on but I've not yet gotten to Stage Two,


Spoiler:  It involves steel wool and plaster-of-Paris.
 
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