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(WESH Orlando)   Old and Busted: War on Christmas -- New Hotness: War on Easter   (wesh.com) divider line 44
    More: Florida, War on Christmas, Warlock, Truck containing  
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2493 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Apr 2014 at 4:05 PM (34 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



44 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-04-01 03:23:20 PM  
zombieresearch.files.wordpress.com

He has risen!
 
2014-04-01 03:36:35 PM  
I was making  soufflés.
 
2014-04-01 04:09:15 PM  

EvilEgg: I was making  soufflés.


ALL the soufflés?
 
2014-04-01 04:12:28 PM  
The Easter War began at the Battle of Cascarones - much confetti was spilled that day.

sojo.net
 
2014-04-01 04:12:35 PM  
It's in a hanger in Pakistan
 
2014-04-01 04:13:29 PM  
Feckin' Xtians...their Easter is a mashup of Passover and Eostre. Where are your god's chocolatey eggs NOW?
 
2014-04-01 04:15:26 PM  
I've been at war with Marshmallow Peeps for twenty years.
 
2014-04-01 04:15:36 PM  
Someone tell them that the war is ova.

/we all sulpher from bad yolks
 
2014-04-01 04:16:02 PM  
I did have the pleasure of two ladies ringing my doorbell and inviting me to a celebration of the death of Jesus Christ.

I declined. Still waiting to be approached by one of these militant atheists that just has to shove his opinion down everyone's throats though. I've been assured they are a plague on the land.
 
2014-04-01 04:17:11 PM  
The Christians already waged the war against the original Easter:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C4%92ostre

But if you ask them, THEY are the ones being persecuted.
 
2014-04-01 04:20:37 PM  

EvilEgg: I was making  soufflés.


Where do you get the milk ?
 
2014-04-01 04:20:54 PM  
Look just because the first Sunday following the full moon after the vernal equinox sounds like something a pagan would celebrate doesn't mean it is. I mean, say "Happy Easter" dammit! If you're selling baskets and eggs, you better say "Happy Easter" to me after I check out, "have a nice day doesn't cut", nor does, "be well". I'm looking at you Walgreens!  I think we should start boycotting businesses that don't say "Happy Easter" and are attempting to infringe on all of our religious liberty.
 
2014-04-01 04:23:28 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-04-01 04:24:08 PM  
I'd have trouble busting a cap in Santa.


While I'd effing end the bunny rabbit.
 
2014-04-01 04:24:42 PM  
I never liked Easter. I always got rousted up on Easter morning to go to a hillbilly Lutheran church that smelled like old people. Because it was full of awful old people. And they just biatched about immigrants and black people the whole time. And the pews are uncomfortable and the songs are boring and it was either blazing hot or freezing cold.

The worst part though is peeps. Fark those nasty little blobs of neon goo. Farking disgusting.

/ I always enjoy Christmas Eve services, though
 
2014-04-01 04:25:14 PM  

nocturnal001: I did have the pleasure of two ladies ringing my doorbell and inviting me to a celebration of the death of Jesus Christ.

I declined. Still waiting to be approached by one of these militant atheists that just has to shove his opinion down everyone's throats though. I've been assured they are a plague on the land.


I was celebrating the festival  Ēostre once and two women banged on my door. I quickly threw my towel over my ... symbol of celebration and answered the door. They considered me offensive for being at my door with a towel and a hardon, I politely (sort of) told them Im busy worshipping my wife, i dont want to hear about jewish zomWIEs at that moment. They left, I went back to celebrating. (I wonder if they found any of the chocolate fertility symbols hidden near my driveway, who cares, I was busy)
 
2014-04-01 04:25:17 PM  

Slartibartfaster: EvilEgg: I was making  soufflés.

Where do you get the milk ?


Never mind that, just don't slam the door.
 
2014-04-01 04:26:31 PM  
Further proof that no one reads the articles on Fark.

/full disclosure: i'm frequently guilty of same
 
2014-04-01 04:30:42 PM  

Pants full of macaroni!!: Further proof that no one reads the articles on Fark.

/full disclosure: i'm frequently guilty of same


Read articles?

We don't even read our own submissions!
 
2014-04-01 04:34:00 PM  
It is Easter all ready? Do you guys celebrate that every year? Can't you like move that shiat to a leap year? I only ask, because every year I get up on Sunday, get dressed, head out to do my shopping to find 90% of the stores farking closed, because of some pissant religious observance.

It is a really big farking inconvenience.
 
2014-04-01 04:52:49 PM  
Maybe the thief is just FOTY and the whole damn neighborhood is gonna be finding eggs for years
 
2014-04-01 04:59:55 PM  

Free rabbit.

 
2014-04-01 05:02:58 PM  
more fauxtrage? gotta keep that money rolling in for the conservative entertainment complex somehow!
 
2014-04-01 05:05:52 PM  

Slaves2Darkness: It is Easter all ready? Do you guys celebrate that every year? Can't you like move that shiat to a leap year? I only ask, because every year I get up on Sunday, get dressed, head out to do my shopping to find 90% of the stores farking closed, because of some pissant religious observance.

It is a really big farking inconvenience.


Where do you live, Jericho? Stores don't close anymore.
 
2014-04-01 05:06:33 PM  
"Whatever,...come at us bro!"

sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net
 
2014-04-01 05:22:31 PM  
Easter is the only religious holiday that should be allowed. Also chocolate eggs should be doubled or tripled in size, this is the only way to achieve world peace.
 
2014-04-01 05:25:08 PM  

skozlaw: I never liked Easter. I always got rousted up on Easter morning to go to a hillbilly Lutheran church that smelled like old people. Because it was full of awful old people. And they just biatched about immigrants and black people the whole time. And the pews are uncomfortable and the songs are boring and it was either blazing hot or freezing cold.

The worst part though is peeps. Fark those nasty little blobs of neon goo. Farking disgusting.

/ I always enjoy Christmas Eve services, though


You're supposed to buy the peeps 3-4 weeks ahead of time, open the packages to let them get stale and then eat the crunchy sugary goodness.
 
2014-04-01 05:31:08 PM  
static.tvfanatic.com

"Easter, that's a weird tradition.
'Easter, the day Jesus rose from the dead. What should we do?'
'How 'bout eggs?'
'Well, what does that have to do with Jesus?'
'All right, we'll hide 'em.'
'I don't follow your logic.'
'Don't worry. There's a bunny.' "
 
2014-04-01 05:38:32 PM  

Slartibartfaster: nocturnal001: I did have the pleasure of two ladies ringing my doorbell and inviting me to a celebration of the death of Jesus Christ.

I declined. Still waiting to be approached by one of these militant atheists that just has to shove his opinion down everyone's throats though. I've been assured they are a plague on the land.

I was celebrating the festival  Ēostre once and two women banged on my door. I quickly threw my towel over my ... symbol of celebration and answered the door. They considered me offensive for being at my door with a towel and a hardon, I politely (sort of) told them Im busy worshipping my wife, i dont want to hear about jewish zomWIEs at that moment. They left, I went back to celebrating. (I wonder if they found any of the chocolate fertility symbols hidden near my driveway, who cares, I was busy)


I'm pretty sure you copied that from last month's Penthouse.
 
2014-04-01 05:44:52 PM  

LarryDan43: Look just because the first Sunday following the full moon after the vernal equinox sounds like something a pagan would celebrate doesn't mean it is. I mean, say "Happy Easter" dammit! If you're selling baskets and eggs, you better say "Happy Easter" to me after I check out, "have a nice day doesn't cut", nor does, "be well". I'm looking at you Walgreens!


But they wished me a happy Black history month back in February!

www.aysos.com
 
2014-04-01 05:45:35 PM  

Cletus C.: Slaves2Darkness: It is Easter all ready? Do you guys celebrate that every year? Can't you like move that shiat to a leap year? I only ask, because every year I get up on Sunday, get dressed, head out to do my shopping to find 90% of the stores farking closed, because of some pissant religious observance.

It is a really big farking inconvenience.

Where do you live, Jericho? Stores don't close anymore.


Bwhahahahahah! You obviously don't live in the bible belt. They do close in St. Louis, MO. Walmart, Schnucks, K-Mart, Shop N Save, Aldi, Dollar Store, Big Lots etc... all closed.
 
2014-04-01 05:47:52 PM  

Pants full of macaroni!!: Further proof that no one reads the articles on Fark.

/full disclosure: i'm frequently guilty of same


If I read the article, it might kill my copy and paste rant that I've been holding for the right time.

/Let's put the East back into Easter.
 
2014-04-01 05:48:22 PM  

nocturnal001: Slartibartfaster: nocturnal001: I did have the pleasure of two ladies ringing my doorbell and inviting me to a celebration of the death of Jesus Christ.

I declined. Still waiting to be approached by one of these militant atheists that just has to shove his opinion down everyone's throats though. I've been assured they are a plague on the land.

I was celebrating the festival  Ēostre once and two women banged on my door. I quickly threw my towel over my ... symbol of celebration and answered the door. They considered me offensive for being at my door with a towel and a hardon, I politely (sort of) told them Im busy worshipping my wife, i dont want to hear about jewish zomWIEs at that moment. They left, I went back to celebrating. (I wonder if they found any of the chocolate fertility symbols hidden near my driveway, who cares, I was busy)

I'm pretty sure you copied that from last month's Penthouse.


www.hotflick.net
 
2014-04-01 05:49:14 PM  
www.filmbuffonline.com

Jay: This is for Brodie!
 
2014-04-01 05:49:15 PM  

2wolves: Free rabbit.


I remember we're not supposed to post the "Easter is Cancelled" picture, are we? Good for a banination.
 
2014-04-01 06:02:31 PM  
Hasenpfeffer


Original recipe makes 4 servingsChange Servings
3 pounds rabbit meat, cleaned and cut into pieces
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 pound bacon, diced
1/2 cup finely chopped shallots
1 clove garlic, finely chopped
1 cup dry red wine
1 cup water
1 tablespoon chicken bouillon granules
1 tablespoon currant jelly
10 black peppercorns, crushed
1 bay leaf
1/4 teaspoon dried rosemary, crushed

2 teaspoons lemon juice
3 tablespoons water
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1/8 teaspoon dried thyme, crushed


Directions
Place bacon in a large, deep skillet. Cook over medium high heat until evenly brown. Drain on paper towels and set aside. Sprinkle rabbit with salt and coat with 1/3 cup flour, shaking off excess. Brown rabbit in remaining bacon fat. Remove from skillet, along with all but 2 tablespoons of the fat, and reserve.
Saute shallots and garlic in skillet for about 4 minutes, until tender. Stir in wine, 1 cup water and bouillon. Heat to boiling, then stir in jelly, peppercorns, bay leaf, and rosemary. Return rabbit and bacon to skillet. Heat to boiling, then reduce heat to low. Cover and let simmer about 1 1/2 hours or until rabbit is tender.
Remove bay leaf and discard. Place rabbit on a warm platter and keep warm while preparing gravy.
To Make Gravy: Stir lemon juice into skillet with cooking liquid. Combine 3 tablespoons water with 2 tablespoons flour and mix together; stir mixture into skillet over low heat. Finally, stir in thyme. Pour gravy over stew and serve, or pour into a gravy boat and serve on the side.
 
2014-04-01 06:04:04 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-04-01 07:03:36 PM  
img4.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-04-01 07:25:11 PM  
Talk about pointless

/even if you succeed in killing it it just comes back in three days
 
2014-04-01 08:55:54 PM  

Jeep2011: Hasenpfeffer


Original recipe makes 4 servingsChange Servings
3 pounds rabbit meat, cleaned and cut into pieces
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 pound bacon, diced
1/2 cup finely chopped shallots
1 clove garlic, finely chopped
1 cup dry red wine
1 cup water
1 tablespoon chicken bouillon granules
1 tablespoon currant jelly
10 black peppercorns, crushed
1 bay leaf
1/4 teaspoon dried rosemary, crushed

2 teaspoons lemon juice
3 tablespoons water
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1/8 teaspoon dried thyme, crushed


Directions
Place bacon in a large, deep skillet. Cook over medium high heat until evenly brown. Drain on paper towels and set aside. Sprinkle rabbit with salt and coat with 1/3 cup flour, shaking off excess. Brown rabbit in remaining bacon fat. Remove from skillet, along with all but 2 tablespoons of the fat, and reserve.
Saute shallots and garlic in skillet for about 4 minutes, until tender. Stir in wine, 1 cup water and bouillon. Heat to boiling, then stir in jelly, peppercorns, bay leaf, and rosemary. Return rabbit and bacon to skillet. Heat to boiling, then reduce heat to low. Cover and let simmer about 1 1/2 hours or until rabbit is tender.
Remove bay leaf and discard. Place rabbit on a warm platter and keep warm while preparing gravy.
To Make Gravy: Stir lemon juice into skillet with cooking liquid. Combine 3 tablespoons water with 2 tablespoons flour and mix together; stir mixture into skillet over low heat. Finally, stir in thyme. Pour gravy over stew and serve, or pour into a gravy boat and serve on the side.


that's a bullshiat.. you have to marinate the rabbit for at least 32 hours in red wine or burgundy first..


 chicken works just as well by the way

in any case.. it always annoyed me that folks freaked out more about the secularization of christmas over Easter when Easter is the most important holiday to the faith. the whole death on the cross and the resurrection, and return to heaven is the very  foundation of christianity.

If these farkers had any sense about them they would've been doing this whole war on Easter thing decades ago.
 
2014-04-01 09:05:50 PM  
Cerebral Knievel: ... it always annoyed me that folks freaked out more about the secularization of christmas over Easter when Easter is the most important holiday to the faith. the whole death on the cross and the resurrection, and return to heaven is the very foundation of christianity.

If these farkers had any sense about them they would've been doing this whole war on Easter thing decades ago.


I'm sure they would have if anybody could figure out what day Easter is without consulting a calendar. Christmas is easy, but Easter is like a stealth holiday: before you know it it's snuck up on you and ... hey, whaddyaknow, it's Easter, already, ferChristsakes ...
 
2014-04-01 10:31:49 PM  
It's wabbit season!
 
2014-04-01 11:22:36 PM  

Nexzus: 2wolves: Free rabbit.

I remember we're not supposed to post the "Easter is Cancelled" picture, are we? Good for a banination.


Or just a block on some pics.

So it goes.
 
2014-04-02 09:43:04 AM  

Pants full of macaroni!!: Further proof that no one reads the articles on Fark.

/full disclosure: i'm frequently guilty of same


I think you misunderstand the purpose of these threads, which is to workshop puns and other sketchy jokes. These are not the articles you are looking for.
 
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