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(Altering Isaac)   It's probably a good thing that Noah wasn't faithful to the original text, what with all the drunk, naked Noah   (alteringisaac.com) divider line 33
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1963 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 01 Apr 2014 at 2:50 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



33 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-04-01 01:05:04 PM  
♫ Incest and Murder are awesome, this I know...for the bible tells me so...♫
 
2014-04-01 01:53:11 PM  
There was drunk, naked Noah in the movie though...
 
2014-04-01 02:58:18 PM  

DamnYankees: There was drunk, naked Noah in the movie though...


I remember a drunk and naked Noah in the movie.
 
2014-04-01 02:59:04 PM  

smd31: DamnYankees: There was drunk, naked Noah in the movie though...

I remember a drunk and naked Noah in the movie.


I had my pants down when I saw the drunk and naked Noah.
 
2014-04-01 03:06:32 PM  

AeAe: smd31: DamnYankees: There was drunk, naked Noah in the movie though...

I remember a drunk and naked Noah in the movie.

I had my pants down when I saw the drunk and naked Noah.


When I first saw the naked Noah in the movie, I said to myself, "Uh-oh. I'll bet he's drunk." And he was.
 
2014-04-01 03:09:54 PM  
Drunk, naked, and with splinters in your ass is no way to go through life, son.
 
2014-04-01 03:12:14 PM  

markfara: AeAe: smd31: DamnYankees: There was drunk, naked Noah in the movie though...

I remember a drunk and naked Noah in the movie.

I had my pants down when I saw the drunk and naked Noah.

When I first saw the naked Noah in the movie, I said to myself, "Uh-oh. I'll bet he's drunk." And he was.


I was a bit shocked when I first realized that Noah was drunk in the movie but then I realized he was naked so I was ok with it.
 
2014-04-01 03:28:19 PM  

To The Escape Zeppelin!: markfara: AeAe: smd31: DamnYankees: There was drunk, naked Noah in the movie though...

I remember a drunk and naked Noah in the movie.

I had my pants down when I saw the drunk and naked Noah.

When I first saw the naked Noah in the movie, I said to myself, "Uh-oh. I'll bet he's drunk." And he was.

I was a bit shocked when I first realized that Noah was drunk in the movie but then I realized he was naked so I was ok with it.


Just as long as he wasn't nude, or God forbid, nekkid.
 
2014-04-01 03:32:29 PM  
I said nothing when they gave Spider-man organic web shooters.

I kept my silence when they gave Optimus Prime lips.

But if they think I'm going to watch a movie about Noah that deviates one inch from the real life source material then THEY HAVE ANOTHER THING COMING!!
 
2014-04-01 03:35:54 PM  
I can't wait for the movie about Lot and his daughters. Such solid moral values in that story.
 
2014-04-01 03:48:13 PM  
May God enlarge Japheth

That's all I got from TFA. Japeth got a big dingus from God. Good for him.
 
2014-04-01 04:39:37 PM  

Mikey1969: May God enlarge Japheth

That's all I got from TFA. Japeth got a big dingus from God. Good for him.


Actually I think it means that Japeth got a woody when he saw naked Noah, which means that all homosexuals are descended from Japeth and our really part of your gods plan.


//Christianity a petty mass murdering tribal god with delusions of grandeur.
 
d3
2014-04-01 04:44:58 PM  
Does it include the racist explanation of Africans being cursed because Ham saw his father naked?
 
2014-04-01 04:56:30 PM  
Told you this years ago
thatonefilmblog.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-04-01 05:17:32 PM  
ObTrivia: there's a respectable school of thought in Biblical scholarship that proposes that the antediluvian Noah and postdiluvian Noah were originally two different individuals whose stories got compressed into one character over time, so different are they in personality and behavior.

(You know, as opposed to the perfectly reasonably possibility that Noah went a bit PTSD after witnessing the death of every person he'd ever known beyond his immediate family.)

This happens remarkably often. Robin Hood as we know him today, for example, is the end product of the conflation of a number of different characters, and the same thing happens in the Camelot tales. Even the God of the Pentateuch is an amalgam of several different semitic deities (hence the baffling mood swings), and only emerges as a more-or-less coherent unigod some time after the death of Moses.
 
2014-04-01 05:38:13 PM  
Here's a question for the biblical scholars of fark, just who were Noah's sons reproducing with?  The only female I know of left in the story is their mother.
 
2014-04-01 05:44:23 PM  
genesis
Chapter 7:7 mentions the sons and their wives.
chapter 8 versus 18 they had wives with them.

I always use the noah getting drunk nekkid and passing out story when my wife gets mad at me for drinking to much ...
I also remind her that baby jebus turned water into wine ... i like envision that it was more Barley Wine like .... 12% ish
 
2014-04-01 05:45:14 PM  

pissnmoan: Here's a question for the biblical scholars of fark, just who were Noah's sons reproducing with?  The only female I know of left in the story is their mother.


Their wives came with them, which would result in first cousins mating in the next generation, which was normal at the time.  Other versions of flood myths have only one man and woman surviving, which is even worse.

Also, like most allegorical stories in the Bible, you aren't supposed to take it figuratively. For Noah, there are two (at least) distinct versions distilled and written down centuries or longer after they were first told.
 
2014-04-01 05:45:18 PM  

bruce4bruce: I also remind her that baby jebus turned water into wine ... i like envision that it was more Barley Wine like .... 12% ish


I can turn wine into water.

Piece of piss, really.
 
2014-04-01 06:00:12 PM  

luidprand: Also, like most allegorical stories in the Bible, you aren't supposed to take it figuratively. For Noah, there are two (at least) distinct versions distilled and written down centuries or longer after they were first told.


And those written versions were, at a minimum, influenced by the Gilgamesh/Utnapishtim narrative of the Babylonians during the Israelites' exile, as well as other regional myths. (Some people like to say that the story in the Bible is lifted entirely from the Gilgamesh epic but that's an overstatement; there are many differences both in details and in larger themes.)

In fact, the Old Testament makes a lot more sense when you realize that the narrative we have today largely took its form while the Israelites were in exile, and in particular when many among the younger generation were perfectly happy in Babylon and had no desire to return to Israel. A lot of the stories are essentially "founding myth" propaganda created (or at least exaggerated) to motivate people to return to Jerusalem, rebuild the temple, and reinvigorate Judaism which was, frankly, in real danger of dying out entirely. (This is why there is no trace of Moses and almost no trace of David and Solomon in the historical record.)
 
2014-04-01 06:12:03 PM  

bruce4bruce: genesis
Chapter 7:7 mentions the sons and their wives.
chapter 8 versus 18 they had wives with them.

I always use the noah getting drunk nekkid and passing out story when my wife gets mad at me for drinking to much ...
I also remind her that baby jebus turned water into wine ... i like envision that it was more Barley Wine like .... 12% ish



--Agrees with you:

hotnewcountryhits.com

/ Hot like Mrs. Shelton
 
2014-04-01 06:14:52 PM  

czetie: luidprand: Also, like most allegorical stories in the Bible, you aren't supposed to take it figuratively. For Noah, there are two (at least) distinct versions distilled and written down centuries or longer after they were first told.

And those written versions were, at a minimum, influenced by the Gilgamesh/Utnapishtim narrative of the Babylonians during the Israelites' exile, as well as other regional myths. (Some people like to say that the story in the Bible is lifted entirely from the Gilgamesh epic but that's an overstatement; there are many differences both in details and in larger themes.)

In fact, the Old Testament makes a lot more sense when you realize that the narrative we have today largely took its form while the Israelites were in exile, and in particular when many among the younger generation were perfectly happy in Babylon and had no desire to return to Israel. A lot of the stories are essentially "founding myth" propaganda created (or at least exaggerated) to motivate people to return to Jerusalem, rebuild the temple, and reinvigorate Judaism which was, frankly, in real danger of dying out entirely. (This is why there is no trace of Moses and almost no trace of David and Solomon in the historical record.)


In addition, they incorporate a lot of other Mesopotamian mythology in order to subvert it to their purpose. Job is the classic example of this, but you could also look at how Leviathan (aka Tiamat, one of the Great Old One style creator gods, like Ouranous or Kronos in Hellenic myth) is subordinate to the Jewish God. Or Behemoth (Baphomet/Bahamet). Or how the Abraham and Isaac story specifically refutes the then-common practice/worship of Moloch, which meant sacrificing your first-born for divine favor.

Note that the latter practice only officially finally ended with the Roman victory in the third Punic war. Pits of small children executed to appease the local gods have been found pretty much everywhere the Phoenicians colonized.
 
2014-04-01 06:37:26 PM  
You are all ignoring the key question: does Emma Watson get her tits out?
 
2014-04-01 06:39:04 PM  
I was amused by the outrage of my religious friends complaining about the "Biblical Inaccuracy" of the movie.

I think Joe Rogan summed it up best.

Joe Rogan on Noah
 
2014-04-01 06:45:25 PM  

smd31: DamnYankees: There was drunk, naked Noah in the movie though...

I remember a drunk and naked Noah in the movie.


But did he know where he was, and did he care?
 
2014-04-01 06:59:04 PM  

marcre3363: I was amused by the outrage of my religious friends complaining about the "Biblical Inaccuracy" of the movie.

I think Joe Rogan summed it up best.

Joe Rogan on Noah




Wow, his stand up is awful.
 
2014-04-01 07:39:35 PM  

TedCruz'sCrazyDad: marcre3363: I was amused by the outrage of my religious friends complaining about the "Biblical Inaccuracy" of the movie.

I think Joe Rogan summed it up best.

Joe Rogan on Noah

Wow, his stand up is awful.


Don't like it?

Then head to your local drive-in and get a ticket for Noah!
 
2014-04-01 08:14:42 PM  

pissnmoan: Here's a question for the biblical scholars of fark, just who were Noah's sons reproducing with?  The only female

human  I know of left in the story is their mother.

There were plenty of females on that boat. Where did you think hillbillies came from?
 
2014-04-01 09:52:51 PM  
Am I the only one that doesn't have a problem with the concept of a drunk, naked Noah? I mean, man pecks and ball sacks and a couple of horny goats, what's the issue?
 
2014-04-01 10:49:34 PM  

MrHappyRotter: Am I the only one that doesn't have a problem with the concept of a drunk, naked Noah? I mean, man pecks and ball sacks and a couple of horny goats, what's the issue?


God made you naked, but it's a sin to be naked. Basically, we were created to hate bodies, which were made in His image. Methinks the Supreme Being has some universe-spanning issues
 
2014-04-02 12:47:24 AM  

syrynxx: I can't wait for the movie about Lot and his daughters. Such solid moral values in that story.


Yup, that's the story that proves teh gheys are the worst people ever!
 
2014-04-02 08:06:44 AM  

marcre3363: I was amused by the outrage of my religious friends complaining about the "Biblical Inaccuracy" of the movie.

I think Joe Rogan summed it up best.

Joe Rogan on Noah


The Joe Rogan Experience is my new favorite podcast, especially when Dan Carlin is on
 
2014-04-02 12:03:57 PM  

Tyrone Slothrop: smd31: DamnYankees: There was drunk, naked Noah in the movie though...

I remember a drunk and naked Noah in the movie.

But did he know where he was, and did he care?


+1

/put him in cell three, and give him a drink!
 
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