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(Contact Music)   So, the new Coldplay album is just about how difficult it is to live with Gwyneth Paltrow   (contactmusic.com ) divider line
    More: Amusing, Gwyneth Paltrow, Coldplay, ghost stories, Elle Macpherson, infidelity, sings  
•       •       •

3259 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 01 Apr 2014 at 10:50 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



38 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-04-01 09:07:24 AM  
This next song's a ballad called "The Sorbet, I've Ruined It (Sorry Apple, These Crystals Are Painfully Sharp)."
 
2014-04-01 09:18:53 AM  
FTFA "Late night watching TV, used to be you here beside me, your body on my body. When the pain just rips through me. Another's arms, another's arms.''

It's no wonder Gwyneth is a sex starved minx, her husband is a 13 year old girl. NTTIAWWT
 
2014-04-01 10:11:24 AM  

brap: This next song's a ballad called "The Sorbet, I've Ruined It (Sorry Apple, These Crystals Are Painfully Sharp)."


Followed by Sand in My Vagina, a song about love and loss and that time at the beach that his pussy hurt.
 
2014-04-01 10:36:22 AM  
i'll take one for the team and live with her.
 
2014-04-01 11:04:05 AM  
So, Gwyneth is hard to live with and a big pain in the ass?

31.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-04-01 11:21:26 AM  
Aww poor baby.

Now he's gonna have to be satisfied with jerking off to Great Expectations like the rest of us.
 
2014-04-01 11:26:26 AM  
He should start dating Taylor Swift.
 
2014-04-01 11:27:12 AM  
Poor fella's going to have to go back to sleeping with damn near anyone he chooses.

/it's a tough ol' world
 
2014-04-01 11:27:56 AM  
"Trust and you will be trusted, said the liar to the fool."  ~  Peter Steele, at the start of another album composed in the wake of an acrimonious breakup
 
2014-04-01 11:28:07 AM  
I don't follow entertainment "news" that much so I guess I'm lost as far as why GP generates so much negative response.

She's not a bad looking lady but she's nothing to write home about, either. She's the living embodiment of the color "beige".
 
2014-04-01 11:30:49 AM  
The next person that tells you "Money can't buy happiness", show them a picture of Jeffrey Soffer:

celebrityviplounge.com

...and let them know that this man has had sex with Gwyneth Paltrow and Elle Macpherson. Then watch them die a little inside.
 
2014-04-01 11:34:48 AM  

jayhawk88: The next person that tells you "Money can't buy happiness", show them a picture of Jeffrey Soffer:

[celebrityviplounge.com image 300x300]

...and let them know that this man has had sex with Gwyneth Paltrow and Elle Macpherson. Then watch them die a little inside.


Meh...just because they're pretty doesn't mean they have any taste, or brains.
 
2014-04-01 11:41:34 AM  

zappaisfrank: jayhawk88: The next person that tells you "Money can't buy happiness", show them a picture of Jeffrey Soffer:

[celebrityviplounge.com image 300x300]

...and let them know that this man has had sex with Gwyneth Paltrow and Elle Macpherson. Then watch them die a little inside.

Meh...just because they're pretty doesn't mean they have any taste, or brains.


I'm sure Elle's and Gwyn's vaginas taste pretty good. And I make it a point never to skullfark anyone.
 
2014-04-01 11:45:02 AM  

zappaisfrank: I don't follow entertainment "news" that much so I guess I'm lost as far as why GP generates so much negative response.

She's not a bad looking lady but she's nothing to write home about, either. She's the living embodiment of the color "beige".


She's weird about food, evidently, and she named their daughter "Apple," which evidently was the worst name in the history of the world.  Never mind all the Heathers, Lilys, Violets, Roses, Daisys, Astrids, and other plant-based names for kids out there.  Oh, and she has a very different job than most workaday schlubs, so there's that.

All in all, while she may seem preachy and irritating to those around her, there is a whole lot of the gluten-free, organic, utterly jelly in the flak she gets.
 
2014-04-01 11:53:55 AM  

Buttknuckle: He should start dating Taylor Swift.


I'm pretty sure that's how black holes are created.
 
2014-04-01 11:59:08 AM  
feetpedia.net


img.fark.net

I would fist her like an angry god
 
2014-04-01 12:05:08 PM  

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: Buttknuckle: He should start dating Taylor Swift.

I'm pretty sure that's how black holes are created.


OK, weirdly enough I was actually going to say both of those things.

/feeling a little mindf*cked right now
 
2014-04-01 12:07:52 PM  

factoryconnection: zappaisfrank: I don't follow entertainment "news" that much so I guess I'm lost as far as why GP generates so much negative response.

She's not a bad looking lady but she's nothing to write home about, either. She's the living embodiment of the color "beige".

She's weird about food, evidently, and she named their daughter "Apple," which evidently was the worst name in the history of the world.  Never mind all the Heathers, Lilys, Violets, Roses, Daisys, Astrids, and other plant-based names for kids out there.  Oh, and she has a very different job than most workaday schlubs, so there's that.

All in all, while she may seem preachy and irritating to those around her, there is a whole lot of the gluten-free, organic, utterly jelly in the flak she gets.


She's a rich actress, born both into wealth and acting, who likes to condescend to non-rich people, and she happens to be alive at a time when that sort of behavior, particularly coming from inheritors like herself, is particularly grating due to decades of wealth redistribution from the bottom 90% to the top 10%. If she had been an adult during the 70s or 80s this would have been par for the course and few would have batted an eye at it, but as it stands there's a certain social awareness expected of wealthy US actors/actresses by the media and society these days(imagine the shiat storm there would be if Clooney started bashing poor folks), and she doesn't possess it.

Also, she's a good personal friend and perennial defender of Mario Batali and that's liable to put her in the bad-book off anyone who has ever been subjected to his particular brand of serially unpunished drunken asshole shenanigans at expensive and high-end shindigs which, considering his omnipresence in the elite social scene circa 2000-2009, is a lot of people with the ability to give a platform to Paltrow-bashing. So part of the popularity of this may be because the folks who own the mags who perpetuate it have a personal interest in seeing her run down publicly beyond it selling, but that's skirting into tinfoil-territory.
 
2014-04-01 12:21:17 PM  

Heron: factoryconnection: zappaisfrank: I don't follow entertainment "news" that much so I guess I'm lost as far as why GP generates so much negative response.

She's not a bad looking lady but she's nothing to write home about, either. She's the living embodiment of the color "beige".

She's weird about food, evidently, and she named their daughter "Apple," which evidently was the worst name in the history of the world.  Never mind all the Heathers, Lilys, Violets, Roses, Daisys, Astrids, and other plant-based names for kids out there.  Oh, and she has a very different job than most workaday schlubs, so there's that.

All in all, while she may seem preachy and irritating to those around her, there is a whole lot of the gluten-free, organic, utterly jelly in the flak she gets.

She's a rich actress, born both into wealth and acting, who likes to condescend to non-rich people, and she happens to be alive at a time when that sort of behavior, particularly coming from inheritors like herself, is particularly grating due to decades of wealth redistribution from the bottom 90% to the top 10%. If she had been an adult during the 70s or 80s this would have been par for the course and few would have batted an eye at it, but as it stands there's a certain social awareness expected of wealthy US actors/actresses by the media and society these days(imagine the shiat storm there would be if Clooney started bashing poor folks), and she doesn't possess it.

Also, she's a good personal friend and perennial defender of Mario Batali and that's liable to put her in the bad-book off anyone who has ever been subjected to his particular brand of serially unpunished drunken asshole shenanigans at expensive and high-end shindigs which, considering his omnipresence in the elite social scene circa 2000-2009, is a lot of people with the ability to give a platform to Paltrow-bashing. So part of the popularity of this may be because the folks who own the mags who perpetuate it have a personal interes ...


Hmm...that explains why she always reminded me of the snooty "blue blood-came from rich family" girls that I couldn't stand when I was in college.
 
2014-04-01 12:48:33 PM  

zappaisfrank: Heron: factoryconnection: zappaisfrank: I don't follow entertainment "news" that much so I guess I'm lost as far as why GP generates so much negative response.

She's not a bad looking lady but she's nothing to write home about, either. She's the living embodiment of the color "beige".

She's weird about food, evidently, and she named their daughter "Apple," which evidently was the worst name in the history of the world.  Never mind all the Heathers, Lilys, Violets, Roses, Daisys, Astrids, and other plant-based names for kids out there.  Oh, and she has a very different job than most workaday schlubs, so there's that.

All in all, while she may seem preachy and irritating to those around her, there is a whole lot of the gluten-free, organic, utterly jelly in the flak she gets.

She's a rich actress, born both into wealth and acting, who likes to condescend to non-rich people, and she happens to be alive at a time when that sort of behavior, particularly coming from inheritors like herself, is particularly grating due to decades of wealth redistribution from the bottom 90% to the top 10%. If she had been an adult during the 70s or 80s this would have been par for the course and few would have batted an eye at it, but as it stands there's a certain social awareness expected of wealthy US actors/actresses by the media and society these days(imagine the shiat storm there would be if Clooney started bashing poor folks), and she doesn't possess it.

Also, she's a good personal friend and perennial defender of Mario Batali and that's liable to put her in the bad-book off anyone who has ever been subjected to his particular brand of serially unpunished drunken asshole shenanigans at expensive and high-end shindigs which, considering his omnipresence in the elite social scene circa 2000-2009, is a lot of people with the ability to give a platform to Paltrow-bashing. So part of the popularity of this may be because the folks who own the mags who perpetuate it have a personal interes ...

Hmm...that explains why she always reminded me of the snooty "blue blood-came from rich family" girls that I couldn't stand when I was in college.


Biatch was born half way between 3rd and home and thinks thatvher wonderful life is due to her skullful hitting of a home run. And then condescends about how much TOUGHER it is for her than the "little people".
 
2014-04-01 01:13:05 PM  

thefatbasturd: zappaisfrank: Heron: factoryconnection: zappaisfrank: I don't follow entertainment "news" that much so I guess I'm lost as far as why GP generates so much negative response.

She's not a bad looking lady but she's nothing to write home about, either. She's the living embodiment of the color "beige".

She's weird about food, evidently, and she named their daughter "Apple," which evidently was the worst name in the history of the world.  Never mind all the Heathers, Lilys, Violets, Roses, Daisys, Astrids, and other plant-based names for kids out there.  Oh, and she has a very different job than most workaday schlubs, so there's that.

All in all, while she may seem preachy and irritating to those around her, there is a whole lot of the gluten-free, organic, utterly jelly in the flak she gets.

She's a rich actress, born both into wealth and acting, who likes to condescend to non-rich people, and she happens to be alive at a time when that sort of behavior, particularly coming from inheritors like herself, is particularly grating due to decades of wealth redistribution from the bottom 90% to the top 10%. If she had been an adult during the 70s or 80s this would have been par for the course and few would have batted an eye at it, but as it stands there's a certain social awareness expected of wealthy US actors/actresses by the media and society these days(imagine the shiat storm there would be if Clooney started bashing poor folks), and she doesn't possess it.

Also, she's a good personal friend and perennial defender of Mario Batali and that's liable to put her in the bad-book off anyone who has ever been subjected to his particular brand of serially unpunished drunken asshole shenanigans at expensive and high-end shindigs which, considering his omnipresence in the elite social scene circa 2000-2009, is a lot of people with the ability to give a platform to Paltrow-bashing. So part of the popularity of this may be because the folks who own the mags who perpetuate it ha ...


To be fair, it certainly feels tougher for her.
 
2014-04-01 01:14:16 PM  

factoryconnection: zappaisfrank: I don't follow entertainment "news" that much so I guess I'm lost as far as why GP generates so much negative response.

She's not a bad looking lady but she's nothing to write home about, either. She's the living embodiment of the color "beige".

She's weird about food, evidently, and she named their daughter "Apple," which evidently was the worst name in the history of the world.  Never mind all the Heathers, Lilys, Violets, Roses, Daisys, Astrids, and other plant-based names for kids out there.  Oh, and she has a very different job than most workaday schlubs, so there's that.

All in all, while she may seem preachy and irritating to those around her, there is a whole lot of the gluten-free, organic, utterly jelly in the flak she gets.


She also wrote a cookbook that had $500 a day meal plans and admits to occasionally starving her kids. She's a bit of a pretentious douche bag, some people aren't in to it.
 
2014-04-01 01:18:58 PM  
The best thing to come out of this article is that I went and listend to Broken Hearts are for Assholes.
 
2014-04-01 01:49:12 PM  
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
 
2014-04-01 02:23:40 PM  

jayhawk88: The next person that tells you "Money can't buy happiness", show them a picture of Jeffrey Soffer:

[celebrityviplounge.com image 300x300]

...and let them know that this man has had sex with Gwyneth Paltrow and Elle Macpherson. Then watch them die a little inside.


Money can't buy you happiness, unless happiness is defined as putting your vagina into leggy supermodels on your luxury yacht...and having them like it.

I'd have to add that it can buy you a very comfortable and sexually stimulating form of vague dissatisfaction.
 
2014-04-01 02:42:50 PM  

Valiente: jayhawk88: The next person that tells you "Money can't buy happiness", show them a picture of Jeffrey Soffer:

[celebrityviplounge.com image 300x300]

...and let them know that this man has had sex with Gwyneth Paltrow and Elle Macpherson. Then watch them die a little inside.

Money can't buy you happiness, unless happiness is defined as putting your vagina into leggy supermodels on your luxury yacht...and having them like it.

I'd have to add that it can buy you a very comfortable and sexually stimulating form of vague dissatisfaction.


What kind of man would donate his vagina to Elle McPherson? And why would she need another one? Did she get banged so hard she needed vaginal reconstructive surgery?
 
2014-04-01 03:09:54 PM  

Valiente: jayhawk88: The next person that tells you "Money can't buy happiness", show them a picture of Jeffrey Soffer:

[celebrityviplounge.com image 300x300]

...and let them know that this man has had sex with Gwyneth Paltrow and Elle Macpherson. Then watch them die a little inside.

Money can't buy you happiness, unless happiness is defined as putting your vagina into leggy supermodels on your luxury yacht...and having them like it.

I'd have to add that it can buy you a very comfortable and sexually stimulating form of vague dissatisfaction.


Honestly that's not really a consideration of mine.
 
2014-04-01 03:46:08 PM  

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: [feetpedia.net image 700x1051]


[img.fark.net image 443x458]

I would fist her like an angry god


Show me the most beautiful woman in the world and I'll show you a man who is sick of her shiat. especially a woman as batshiat crazy as that coont.
 
2014-04-01 04:05:11 PM  

Valiente: jayhawk88: The next person that tells you "Money can't buy happiness", show them a picture of Jeffrey Soffer:

[celebrityviplounge.com image 300x300]

...and let them know that this man has had sex with Gwyneth Paltrow and Elle Macpherson. Then watch them die a little inside.

Money can't buy you happiness, unless happiness is defined as putting your vagina into leggy supermodels on your luxury yacht...and having them like it.

I'd have to add that it can buy you a very comfortable and sexually stimulating form of vague dissatisfaction.


Uh, how do you put a vagina into a leggy supermodel...or anything else, for that matter?
 
2014-04-01 04:28:04 PM  
-

DeArmondVI: The best thing to come out of this article is that I went and listend to Broken Hearts are for Assholes.


Awesome.

+++++1

/don't fool yourself girl, it's winkin' at you
 
2014-04-01 04:39:01 PM  

zappaisfrank: Valiente: jayhawk88: The next person that tells you "Money can't buy happiness", show them a picture of Jeffrey Soffer:

[celebrityviplounge.com image 300x300]

...and let them know that this man has had sex with Gwyneth Paltrow and Elle Macpherson. Then watch them die a little inside.

Money can't buy you happiness, unless happiness is defined as putting your vagina into leggy supermodels on your luxury yacht...and having them like it.

I'd have to add that it can buy you a very comfortable and sexually stimulating form of vague dissatisfaction.

Uh, how do you put a vagina into a leggy supermodel...or anything else, for that matter?


Have you not noticed the April 1st trend of filerpwning here on fark?
 
2014-04-01 04:44:31 PM  

Cymbal: Valiente: jayhawk88: The next person that tells you "Money can't buy happiness", show them a picture of Jeffrey Soffer:

[celebrityviplounge.com image 300x300]

...and let them know that this man has had sex with Gwyneth Paltrow and Elle Macpherson. Then watch them die a little inside.

Money can't buy you happiness, unless happiness is defined as putting your vagina into leggy supermodels on your luxury yacht...and having them like it.

I'd have to add that it can buy you a very comfortable and sexually stimulating form of vague dissatisfaction.

What kind of man would donate his vagina to Elle McPherson? And why would she need another one? Did she get banged so hard she needed vaginal reconstructive surgery?


I like vagina.
 
2014-04-01 04:45:54 PM  

Buttknuckle: zappaisfrank: Valiente: jayhawk88: The next person that tells you "Money can't buy happiness", show them a picture of Jeffrey Soffer:

[celebrityviplounge.com image 300x300]

...and let them know that this man has had sex with Gwyneth Paltrow and Elle Macpherson. Then watch them die a little inside.

Money can't buy you happiness, unless happiness is defined as putting your vagina into leggy supermodels on your luxury yacht...and having them like it.

I'd have to add that it can buy you a very comfortable and sexually stimulating form of vague dissatisfaction.

Uh, how do you put a vagina into a leggy supermodel...or anything else, for that matter?

Have you not noticed the April 1st trend of filerpwning here on fark?


And I came, I saw, I was filtered.

vagina.
 
2014-04-01 07:05:00 PM  
I think if you already have one Coldplay album, you're probably good.
 
2014-04-01 07:16:16 PM  

Fista-Phobia: [encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 256x192]


mayo-nayo-naise
 
2014-04-01 08:36:19 PM  

macross87: Cumquat


Kumquat?
 
2014-04-01 11:41:40 PM  

Pants full of macaroni!!: "Trust and you will be trusted, said the liar to the fool."  ~  Peter Steele, at the start of another album composed in the wake of an acrimonious breakup


Yeah, but at least that one was good. Peter always did his best writing when he was pissed or emotional in some way or another, and it came out in the music. While I haven't exactly listened to Coldplay's entire musical library, there doesn't seem to be much strong emotion one way or another in any of the stuff I have heard. It's boring and just kinda there.
 
2014-04-02 07:03:49 AM  
She just looks like someone you just want to choke or slap. Chris left her so he wouldn't go to jail.
 
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