If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(The Oakland Press)   Family wants death certificate of genius changed from "suicide" to "Darwin"   (theoaklandpress.com) divider line 72
    More: Dumbass, certifications, death certificates, gun safety, suicides, demonstrations  
•       •       •

8143 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Mar 2014 at 2:48 PM (24 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



72 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-03-31 01:20:52 PM
"Is," "is not," what's the difference?

FTFA: The Oakland County Medical Examiner who ruled the death of an Independence Township man who shot himself as a suicide has not been contacted by the family to change the classification, despite published reports."
 
2014-03-31 01:33:07 PM
Demonstration on gun safety, huh?  Titled:  Don't Do What Donny Dont Does.
 
2014-03-31 01:56:32 PM
Please enable JavaScript to view theoaklandpress.com

Well fark you then Oakland Press.
 
2014-03-31 02:19:26 PM
"Hey honey, hold my beer I want to show you something"
 
2014-03-31 02:41:05 PM
Now, listen carefully kids, don't ever, ever, ever, ever do what Daddy's about to do with this unloaded pis ... BANG
 
2014-03-31 02:50:05 PM

xanadian: Demonstration on gun safety, huh?  Titled:  Don't Do What Donny Dont Does.


Ooooohhh... They won't let you have ANY fun with guns.
 
2014-03-31 02:50:19 PM

a particular individual: "Is," "is not," what's the difference?

FTFA: The Oakland County Medical Examiner who ruled the death of an Independence Township man who shot himself as a suicide has not been contacted by the family to change the classification, despite published reports."


Wh-wait... Oakland County.. Indep Twp... Oh crap. Hello, Michigan.

Guess I'd better go RTFA.
 
2014-03-31 02:50:54 PM
FFS. Treat every gun as if it were loaded. Meaning, do not point it st anything you don't want to KILL.
 
2014-03-31 02:53:04 PM

a particular individual: "Is," "is not," what's the difference?

FTFA: The Oakland County Medical Examiner who ruled the death of an Independence Township man who shot himself as a suicide has not been contacted by the family to change the classification, despite published reports."


Insurance generally denies paying out life insurance for suicides.
 
2014-03-31 02:54:23 PM

MindStalker: a particular individual: "Is," "is not," what's the difference?

FTFA: The Oakland County Medical Examiner who ruled the death of an Independence Township man who shot himself as a suicide has not been contacted by the family to change the classification, despite published reports."

Insurance generally denies paying out life insurance for suicides.


bingo.
 
2014-03-31 02:54:26 PM
Of course it was suicide, the poor sap was living in Detroit for fsm's sakes.
 
2014-03-31 02:54:53 PM
so... crashing into a light post while driving drunk is called suicide too right?
 
2014-03-31 02:55:12 PM

jayphat: FFS. Treat every gun as if it were loaded. Meaning, do not point it st anything you don't want to KILL.


To be fair, did you see how close his brain was to him?

He really couldn't take any chances in that situation...
 
2014-03-31 02:55:39 PM
Hopefully, his last words were "Never, ever do this."
 
2014-03-31 02:56:03 PM
I had some pretty good Raider Fan jokes lined up until I read the article and found out it wasn't in Oakland, CA.
 
2014-03-31 02:56:07 PM

a particular individual: "Is," "is not," what's the difference?

FTFA: The Oakland County Medical Examiner who ruled the death of an Independence Township man who shot himself as a suicide has not been contacted by the family to change the classification, despite published reports."


Im sure theres an isurance policy and company not wanting to pay up due to whats on the certificate. Thats the difference.
 
2014-03-31 02:56:55 PM
That's basically the ultimate demonstration in gun safety, so good jorb, guy!
 
2014-03-31 02:59:03 PM

danno_to_infinity: Of course it was suicide, the poor sap was living in Detroit for fsm's sakes.


May our God's noodly appendage guide this poor sole to his pirate ship in the sky.
 
2014-03-31 02:59:22 PM
They could change it to "natural causes"... Because when you put a loaded gun to your head and pull the trigger, naturally you die.
 
2014-03-31 03:00:10 PM

Ryker's Peninsula: I had some pretty good Raider Fan jokes lined up until I read the article and found out it wasn't in Oakland, CA.


I think you may still be able to just possibly find some joke fodder in detroit......
 
2014-03-31 03:01:00 PM
He should at least get an "Achievement Unlocked" award.
 
2014-03-31 03:01:02 PM
Unavailable for comment

encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com

obscure from 30 years ago??
 
2014-03-31 03:01:45 PM

a particular individual: "Is," "is not," what's the difference?

FTFA: The Oakland County Medical Examiner who ruled the death of an Independence Township man who shot himself as a suicide has not been contacted by the family to change the classification, despite published reports."


Let me help, I'm pretty sure everyone has missed your point so far...
 
2014-03-31 03:02:29 PM

jayphat: FFS. Treat every gun as if it were loaded. Meaning, do not point it st anything you don't want to KILL.


We have a winner!!!

Seriously, how hard can it be?

That said, upon looking at a picture of the guy...

cmsimg.freep.com

If he needed a hard hat in the living room, maybe you don't want to give him a firearm.

/aisle seat please
 
2014-03-31 03:08:43 PM

scottydoesntknow: Please enable JavaScript to view theoaklandpress.com

Well fark you then Oakland Press.


Browsing the modern web with JavaScript Disabled? ... Hey how is the web from 1998 looking on your 56K modem. lolz

/ Web Developer
// JS runs the web now
/// At least its not flash
 
2014-03-31 03:10:39 PM
Sounds like the girlfriend is the best kind of correct:

suicide
1
a :  the act or an instance of taking one's own life voluntarily and intentionally especially by a person of years of discretion and of sound mind

(italics added for emphasis)
 
2014-03-31 03:10:45 PM
The girlfriend, who also lived there, told deputies the victim had been drinking during the day......
demonstrating how safe they were when they were empty. While talking, he placed the gun to his head and pulled the trigger,
 The handgun fired and he was killed.
We are obliged by state law to provide a cause of death and manner of death."


Just crayon Dumbass on the front and we're done.
 
2014-03-31 03:18:20 PM

scottydoesntknow: Please enable JavaScript to view theoaklandpress.com

Well fark you then Oakland Press.


Seriously! That was so annoying I nearly lost track of what I was doing: Cleaning my gun.
 
2014-03-31 03:20:46 PM

tonygotskilz: scottydoesntknow: Please enable JavaScript to view theoaklandpress.com

Well fark you then Oakland Press.

Browsing the modern web with JavaScript Disabled? ... Hey how is the web from 1998 looking on your 56K modem. lolz

/ Web Developer
// JS runs the web now
/// At least its not flash


He's probably having the same 'issue' I have, in that it's not that JS is disabled, it's being blocked by NoScript. The dumb thing is, the page actually loads for a few seconds with no issues until the redirect, meaning the only reason that they want me to 'enable Javascript' is so I can see the same dumb spam that inspired me to install NoScript in the first place.
 
2014-03-31 03:31:06 PM

jayphat: FFS. Treat every gun as if it were loaded. Meaning, do not point it st anything you don't want to KILL.


Seriously, I've never fired a gun in my life, and I know this. How the fark do "Responsible Gun Owners™" fail to grasp the single most basic rule of gun safety?
 
2014-03-31 03:35:59 PM
What a Maroon.

It supports my theory that for the most part, people shouldn't have guns.  Particularly the stupid, careless, or just drunk people.  Which I suppose would be ok, if it weren't for the fact that it's also dangerous for the people who happen to be around the stupid, careless, and drunk people.

I mean, gun control measures are problematic for a variety of reasons, but it's undeniable  there are a lot of people who would be better off if they didn't choose to have them around and accessible.

Perhaps an ad campaign that reads "Are you stupid? You probably shouldn't buy a gun, because you might accidentally kill someone you love".
 
2014-03-31 03:36:46 PM

Serial Killer X: tonygotskilz: scottydoesntknow: Please enable JavaScript to view theoaklandpress.com

Well fark you then Oakland Press.

Browsing the modern web with JavaScript Disabled? ... Hey how is the web from 1998 looking on your 56K modem. lolz

/ Web Developer
// JS runs the web now
/// At least its not flash

He's probably having the same 'issue' I have, in that it's not that JS is disabled, it's being blocked by NoScript. The dumb thing is, the page actually loads for a few seconds with no issues until the redirect, meaning the only reason that they want me to 'enable Javascript' is so I can see the same dumb spam that inspired me to install NoScript in the first place.


Same thing happened to me, except I had about 30 seconds until the article disappeared.

/speed-reading ftw
 
2014-03-31 03:42:33 PM
let me guess... he dropped the magazine but didn't rack the slide afterwards?

/my brother in law watched a guy at the army pistol range "accidentally" fire his pistol... then dropped the magazine and "accidentally" fired it again.
 
2014-03-31 03:43:55 PM

johneee: What a Maroon.

It supports my theory that for the most part, people shouldn't have guns.  Particularly the stupid, careless, or just drunk people.  Which I suppose would be ok, if it weren't for the fact that it's also dangerous for the people who happen to be around the stupid, careless, and drunk people.

I mean, gun control measures are problematic for a variety of reasons, but it's undeniable  there are a lot of people who would be better off if they didn't choose to have them around and accessible.

Perhaps an ad campaign that reads "Are you stupid? You probably shouldn't buy a gun, because you might accidentally kill someone you love".


Darlin' - stupid people cannot read, for FSM's sake.
 
2014-03-31 03:44:02 PM

lindalouwho: Serial Killer X: tonygotskilz: scottydoesntknow: Please enable JavaScript to view theoaklandpress.com

Well fark you then Oakland Press.

Browsing the modern web with JavaScript Disabled? ... Hey how is the web from 1998 looking on your 56K modem. lolz

/ Web Developer
// JS runs the web now
/// At least its not flash

He's probably having the same 'issue' I have, in that it's not that JS is disabled, it's being blocked by NoScript. The dumb thing is, the page actually loads for a few seconds with no issues until the redirect, meaning the only reason that they want me to 'enable Javascript' is so I can see the same dumb spam that inspired me to install NoScript in the first place.

Same thing happened to me, except I had about 30 seconds until the article disappeared.

/speed-reading ftw


you can have noscript block meta redirects to avoid that sort of thing.
 
2014-03-31 03:46:00 PM
<nelson-ha-ha.jpg>

It is too late to abort his newly-orphaned children, before they perpetuate the stupid even further?
 
2014-03-31 03:46:14 PM
Fine.  Accidental suicide.

Happy?

Why does this even matter?

Life insurance?
 
2014-03-31 03:46:39 PM
So if you want to kill yourself but want the insurance money for the kids, do it while giving an impromptu gun safety demonstration. Got it.
 
2014-03-31 03:47:39 PM
I guess everyone in his class got the point, don't assume it is unloaded.
They will NEVER forget it either.
 
2014-03-31 03:48:01 PM

tonygotskilz: scottydoesntknow: Please enable JavaScript to view theoaklandpress.com

Well fark you then Oakland Press.

Browsing the modern web with JavaScript Disabled? ... Hey how is the web from 1998 looking on your 56K modem. lolz

/ Web Developer
// JS runs the web now
/// At least its not flash


For Mozilla, this is a blessing - kills the ads at their domain and blocks future use.  I get to use my bandwidth and hard drive, as I like.
 
2014-03-31 03:50:24 PM

The_Original_Roxtar: lindalouwho: Serial Killer X: tonygotskilz: scottydoesntknow: Please enable JavaScript to view theoaklandpress.com

Well fark you then Oakland Press.

Browsing the modern web with JavaScript Disabled? ... Hey how is the web from 1998 looking on your 56K modem. lolz

/ Web Developer
// JS runs the web now
/// At least its not flash

He's probably having the same 'issue' I have, in that it's not that JS is disabled, it's being blocked by NoScript. The dumb thing is, the page actually loads for a few seconds with no issues until the redirect, meaning the only reason that they want me to 'enable Javascript' is so I can see the same dumb spam that inspired me to install NoScript in the first place.

Same thing happened to me, except I had about 30 seconds until the article disappeared.

/speed-reading ftw

you can have noscript block meta redirects to avoid that sort of thing.


Well I learned something new today.
 
2014-03-31 03:55:49 PM

Serial Killer X: tonygotskilz: scottydoesntknow: Please enable JavaScript to view theoaklandpress.com

Well fark you then Oakland Press.

Browsing the modern web with JavaScript Disabled? ... Hey how is the web from 1998 looking on your 56K modem. lolz

/ Web Developer
// JS runs the web now
/// At least its not flash

He's probably having the same 'issue' I have, in that it's not that JS is disabled, it's being blocked by NoScript. The dumb thing is, the page actually loads for a few seconds with no issues until the redirect, meaning the only reason that they want me to 'enable Javascript' is so I can see the same dumb spam that inspired me to install NoScript in the first place.


Yep.

The_Original_Roxtar: you can have noscript block meta redirects to avoid that sort of thing.


That's a good thing to know. Thanks!
 
2014-03-31 04:06:40 PM

The_Original_Roxtar: lindalouwho: Serial Killer X: tonygotskilz: scottydoesntknow: Please enable JavaScript to view theoaklandpress.com

Well fark you then Oakland Press.

Browsing the modern web with JavaScript Disabled? ... Hey how is the web from 1998 looking on your 56K modem. lolz

/ Web Developer
// JS runs the web now
/// At least its not flash

He's probably having the same 'issue' I have, in that it's not that JS is disabled, it's being blocked by NoScript. The dumb thing is, the page actually loads for a few seconds with no issues until the redirect, meaning the only reason that they want me to 'enable Javascript' is so I can see the same dumb spam that inspired me to install NoScript in the first place.

Same thing happened to me, except I had about 30 seconds until the article disappeared.

/speed-reading ftw

you can have noscript block meta redirects to avoid that sort of thing.


Thanks!
 
2014-03-31 04:10:26 PM

StreetlightInTheGhetto: MindStalker: a particular individual: "Is," "is not," what's the difference?

FTFA: The Oakland County Medical Examiner who ruled the death of an Independence Township man who shot himself as a suicide has not been contacted by the family to change the classification, despite published reports."

Insurance generally denies paying out life insurance for suicides.

bingo.


Wait, I thought we were playing some type of roulette.
 
2014-03-31 04:16:14 PM

Stoker: I guess everyone in his class got the point, don't assume it is unloaded.
They will NEVER forget it either.


Not a class, was "demonstrating" for his girlfriend.
 
2014-03-31 04:18:50 PM

JohnCarter: Unavailable for comment

[encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com image 183x275]

obscure from 30 years ago??


Loved that series.

Probably 35% of the reason I loved Quantum Leap, as well.
 
2014-03-31 04:20:50 PM

Nhojwolfe: Im sure theres an isurance policy and company not wanting to pay up due to whats on the certificate. Thats the difference.


I'm sure there's other options, for example he might of been Catholic and the Church is making a fuss about where to bury him(Suicides are not to buried in hallowed ground cemetaries, for example).

From what I understand, for the most part the suicide exemption for life insurance polices have been forced out, at least for long-standing policies(over a year) - suicide is now viewed as a mental illness and thus not a disqualifying factor unless it's a pre-existing condition(which the delay before suicide is covered takes care of).
 
2014-03-31 04:22:18 PM
Yes he's dumb. So is the medical examiner. Killing oneself by accident does not accord with any definition of "suicide".
 
2014-03-31 04:27:37 PM

MindStalker: Insurance generally denies paying out life insurance for suicides.


In most state regulations prohibit long-term exemptions for suicide. There are still short-term exemptions on new policies, but typically nothing longer than 6-12 months.
 
2014-03-31 04:32:46 PM

profplump: MindStalker: Insurance generally denies paying out life insurance for suicides.

In most state regulations prohibit long-term exemptions for suicide. There are still short-term exemptions on new policies, but typically nothing longer than 6-12 months.


I want to look this info up, but I fear doing it at work may raise some red flags?? :)
 
Displayed 50 of 72 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report