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(Huffington Post)   Bisexual woman tired of stereotypes that try to force her into a box   (huffingtonpost.com ) divider line
    More: Interesting, Bisexual woman, closet cases, stereotypes, Sexuality and gender identity-based cultures, Girls Gone Wild, bisexuals, New York Times Magazine, trans people  
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8596 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Mar 2014 at 11:31 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-03-31 01:16:19 PM  

JPINFV: Why does every little thing need to have a culture attached to it? What's next, brown hair culture?


I dont have much of a stereotype for brunettes that keep thier natural hair colour,

but most "crazy redheads" and most "dumb blondes" are in my experience bottle redheads and bottle blondes rather than naturals, so brunettes that dont like being brunettes are either crazy or dumb is my stereotype for them.
 
2014-03-31 01:16:24 PM  
I'm in the "it's none of my business who you find attractive unless (1) it's me or (2) there's pictures or videos of what you do on the internet" camp.

In my experience, (1) is less likely than (2). But in spite of this I've still have various kinds of fun in spite of growing up extremely repressed and being a solid 4/10 where attractiveness is concerned (although "eye of the beholder" does seem to be a thing. I don't try too hard to understand when someone wants me anyway.)

You want a clean, convenient label? "Freak". I'm too busy jamming your culture to belong to one myself.
 
2014-03-31 01:17:13 PM  

Shadowknight: Voiceofreason01: Or people could, I don't know, grow the fark up and stop trying to put neat little labels on everything and forcing everyone else to fit into their tiny preconceived notion of how the world works. Also "slut shaming"....stop it, that shiat is not cool.

I'm with you on the slut shaming thing, but humans have always wanted things labeled. It's how we understand our world. Especially something like sexuality and gender assignment, which is traditionally rather binary.


No, it was only binary in countries ruled by theists, in traditional societies (see Romans, Greeks, Egyptians, Mesopotamians, etc) it was much more fluid (much more like our biological indentities as rediscovered by Kinsey et al)
 
2014-03-31 01:17:35 PM  
It's funny how men are included when it's only women writing these victim articles. Men suffer from it too, but somehow their complaints aren't profitable
 
2014-03-31 01:17:59 PM  

brimed03: mercator_psi: brimed03: mercator_psi: ...And of course, it goes to 11. That would be for people with armadillos down their trousers.

Thank you for recognizing our existence. It's nice to feel validated.

It's a surprisingly underreported population.

Although everyone knows the armadillos themselves are always up for it.

You'd think it would be news, but the only coverage I've seen was on our recent convention at the Albuquerque Holiday Inn. And *that* was mis-reported as the *Anteater* Lovers of America meeting!

/not that those anteaters aren't sexy too
//surprisingly little overlap in the communities but we all get along
///the article wasn't even really convention coverage, it was a music critic covering our booked entertainment act: "Billy and the Boingers"... you've probably never heard of them. They released one album in the 80s.


Yeah, I was into them for a while. I preferred their later reincarnation "Deathtöngue" though.

/"Huge slam on anteaters out of nowhere!" - MST3K, 'Overdrawn at the Memory Bank'
 
2014-03-31 01:18:21 PM  

MrMouse: SquiggsIN: MrMouse: bighairyguy: I've known a few bisexuals  armadillos and the general trait they had in common was amorality, along with a side helping of predatory. Not the kind of people animals you'd want to associate with, even with your clothes on.

FTFY.  You're welcome.

and they can carry leprosy!

Are you telling me that my dick is going to fall off now?


Still haven't found the thread exit, eh?

/it's hard to leave when you can't find the door
 
2014-03-31 01:18:43 PM  

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: Interesting perspectives, both. I owe both of you an apology for the glibness in my post. Honestly, I hadn't really thought about this much, so I'm a biatchagrined that my ignorance is showing. I appreciate the civility that you showed me in your corrections, as you could have justifiably been offended and replied accordingly. Now I'm enlightened on the subject and not defensive about it. Thanks.


You are welcome, and I'm glad I could help.  Your response has made my day.
 
2014-03-31 01:18:44 PM  
wingedkat:
There's nothing wrong with being polyamorous, but no one has the right to be a lying sh*t about it.

Much like someone posted above, and much like political orientation, one axis of sexuality is not sufficient.  You need at least three:

Biological sexual preference: homosexual -> bisexual -> heterosexual
Gender sexual preference: feminine -> neuter -> masculine
Multiplicity preference: monogomous -> "open relationship" (circumstantially polyamorous) -> polyamorous

Thus, your stereotypical homosexual bear-chaser would be a homosexual, masculine, and polyamorous (thus the chaser part).

Thinking like this would make it clear that bisexuality does not imply promiscuity.

However, once you get to this point, labels cease to be informative and become confusing... and then you start mistakenly reifying adjectives into hard categories.  That way lies madness and no-true-Scotsman genital waving.
 
2014-03-31 01:20:17 PM  

brimed03: pacified: omgwhothehellcares.jpg

Thank you for covering this obligatory but entirely self-centered and dumb Fark meme.

/if nobody cared, the link wouldn't have been approved
//but go on imagining only your values and interests matter


continue to define yourself by who you want to shack up with.  It's so exciting.
 
2014-03-31 01:21:27 PM  

MrMouse: The Flexecutioner: I'm pretty sure the mainstream media has told me nothing about bisexuality, much like this blog someone got paid to write in the form of an article.

I'm more of a trysexual.  Ya know, I'm willing to try, like, all the time.  I'm a part of the LGBNAF community.

/yes, obscure

Is there a community for people who like to have sex with themselves?  Because I would...uh...be interested in a pamphlet or two.


yes, it's called married men.
 
2014-03-31 01:21:32 PM  

sandbar67: I'm buysexual.

If you have sex with me, I'll buy you stuff.


I always thought it was 'buy me stuff and I'll have sex with you'

Nobody wants to buy me anything
 
2014-03-31 01:22:23 PM  

brimed03: MrMouse: SquiggsIN: MrMouse: bighairyguy: I've known a few bisexuals  armadillos and the general trait they had in common was amorality, along with a side helping of predatory. Not the kind of people animals you'd want to associate with, even with your clothes on.

FTFY.  You're welcome.

and they can carry leprosy!

Are you telling me that my dick is going to fall off now?

Still haven't found the thread exit, eh?

/it's hard to leave when you can't find the door


I am still trying to find out what sexual orientation I am.  This thread is certainly not helping.
 
2014-03-31 01:23:07 PM  

SuperChuck: sandbar67: I'm buysexual.

If you have sex with me, I'll buy you stuff.

I always thought it was 'buy me stuff and I'll have sex with you'

Nobody wants to buy me anything


And I thought it was 'if I want to have sex I buy it.'
 
2014-03-31 01:23:46 PM  

wingedkat: I'm monogamous and currently out of the dating game so it isn't as necessary for me to label myself correctly.


There may not be anything at stake now, but I think it's important to learn how to describe yourself accurately to others.  It shouldn't matter in forming one's opinion of someone, but we humans are social creatures and an effort to know you should be met with an obligation to use the right words to avoid confusion.
 
2014-03-31 01:23:48 PM  

ciberido: JPINFV: Why does every little thing need to have a culture attached to it? What's next, brown hair culture?

We tried that already.

[fc07.deviantart.net image 850x637]

Didn't work.


img1.imensagens.com
 
2014-03-31 01:24:48 PM  

Skleenar: I don't get the whole "bisexuality doesn't exist" thing.  Is this some sort of mechanism to force same-sex attracted people into the gay demographic so it swells their numbers, or is is some hetero reaction to find some smaller group to shame (because it's a "choice") because we can't do that to the gays anymore?

I just never got where this came from.



It came from science, basically.

Several studies have been done to measure arousal patterns of men who identify as homo, hetero, and bi.  Most men who self-identify as bi have arousal patterns identical to homosexual and show zero arousal to females, some have arousal patterns identical to hetero showing zero arousal to males, none showed arousal patterns to both female and male sexual stimuli despite their self-identification.  These studies apparently offended people who identify as bi.

Here's the article about the 2005 study.
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/07/05/health/05sex.html?pagewanted=all
 
2014-03-31 01:24:52 PM  

MrMouse: I am still trying to find out what sexual orientation I am. This thread is certainly not helping.


Here, let me help. You are gay for my dick. Now get to work.
 
2014-03-31 01:25:32 PM  

grumpfuff: SquiggsIN: Shadowknight: Especially something like sexuality and gender assignment, which is traditionally rather binary.

... and research has shown for decades that tradition is wrong because sexuality is not binary.

You don't even need research. You just need to go look at non-Western cultures, where non-binary gender assignment is relatively common.

Though I guess that is a type of research.


shiat, you don't even need to do "research", just be voyeuristically curious and watch TV:  National Geographic's "Taboo" series has several episodes on "third genders" or other non-binary gender systems.  They're dumbed-down, but it's still NatGeo, so it's at least respectful and objective.
 
2014-03-31 01:28:28 PM  

Cletus C.: Rwa2play: illannoyin: Nobody cares who you like to have sex with.

This should be the standard response.

This right here.

Actually, I'd be interested in more details.


Ok.

My wife and I are swingers and went to a swingers party on Saturday night.

We met a nice couple and after a few drinks the other wife and I went into a room and started making out. I went down on her and licked / fingered her until she came. By the time her husband and my wife walked in I was doing her doggy style.

My wife and the other husband watched us for a bit while touching each other and making out. They soon decided to copy us.

The making out and mutual masturbation had made my wife aroused to the point where he was able to easily slide into her. She and the other wife moaned into each other's mouths as they made out and we did them from behind. As he banged her harder and faster my wife said she was about to cum. When she did it made the other wife and I cum at the same time.

The other wife and I then took a break. It was our turn to watch as our spouses switched positions. My wife got on top and rode him to another orgasm. When he came she jumped off and sucked him. She swallowed almost all of his cum only leaving a little on her chin. The other wife then eased over and the ladies shared a deep kiss.

That kiss turned into their hands exploring their bodies. After a while my wife pushed her back then licked and sucked her to another orgasm. They switched to 69 and each made the other cum again several times. Every time more loud and leg shivering than the last. When they finally recovered from the euphoria of the last orgasm we all showered off and returned to the bar area for conversation and more drinks. After dancing a bit we met a third couple. The wife of couple #3 wanted to try two guys at once.

We all returned to the play rooms and I went down on wife #3 while she made out with husband #2. This eventually led to her sucking him. When she came we switched and husband #2 did her missionary style while straddled her face and she took me all the way into her throat. Our wives kept husband #3 company while he watched. When I looked over the ladies were 69-ing again and husband #3 was doing my wife from behind. He would occasionally slip out of her and into the mouth of wife #2.

Wife #3 told us she was about to cum again but wanted us to DP her when she did. She sat on husband #2 and after getting comfortable I slowly entered her back door. The feeling of rubbing together inside her was amazing! It made all three of us cum very quickly. Almost at the same time I heard my wife and wife #2 having a loud orgasm. My wife was on her back with wife #2's face in her crotch while husband #3 was balls deep in wife #2's ass. A few seconds after the ladies orgasm he filled his condom also.

After catching our breath, showering again, and a few more drinks couple #3 returned to the play rooms with another couple and we hung out with couple #2 until the end of the night. Upon returning home my wife and I had a long slow round of sex before going to sleep.


/There, satisfied?
 
2014-03-31 01:28:29 PM  

God-is-a-Taco: It's funny how men are included when it's only women writing these victim articles. Men suffer from it too, but somehow their complaints aren't profitable


Yeah, it is easier for a woman to be out as bi than a man.  Hopefully, as bi women are better accepted, bi men will be also.
 
2014-03-31 01:31:48 PM  

Fafai: MrMouse: I am still trying to find out what sexual orientation I am. This thread is certainly not helping.

Here, let me help. You are gay for my dick. Now get to work.


Ooooh, you are a charmer...can't wait for for some sexytime with you!  Do you have somewhere my kids can hang out while we make sexylove?
 
2014-03-31 01:32:29 PM  

robodog: No, it was only binary in countries ruled by theists, in traditional societies (see Romans, Greeks, Egyptians, Mesopotamians, etc) it was much more fluid (much more like our biological indentities as rediscovered by Kinsey et al)


1. By "traditional" you mean "Mediterranean". There's not much distinction between Roman/Greek and the Egyptian/Mesopotamian cultures of that time.
2. The older Egyptians were absolutely theists. Their king was considered to be god on earth.
 
2014-03-31 01:34:18 PM  

illannoyin: Cletus C.: Rwa2play: illannoyin: Nobody cares who you like to have sex with.

This should be the standard response.

This right here.

Actually, I'd be interested in more details.

Ok.

My wife and I are swingers and went to a swingers party on Saturday night.

We met a nice couple and after a few drinks the other wife and I went into a room and started making out. I went down on her and licked / fingered her until she came. By the time her husband and my wife walked in I was doing her doggy style.

My wife and the other husband watched us for a bit while touching each other and making out. They soon decided to copy us.

The making out and mutual masturbation had made my wife aroused to the point where he was able to easily slide into her. She and the other wife moaned into each other's mouths as they made out and we did them from behind. As he banged her harder and faster my wife said she was about to cum. When she did it made the other wife and I cum at the same time.

The other wife and I then took a break. It was our turn to watch as our spouses switched positions. My wife got on top and rode him to another orgasm. When he came she jumped off and sucked him. She swallowed almost all of his cum only leaving a little on her chin. The other wife then eased over and the ladies shared a deep kiss.

That kiss turned into their hands exploring their bodies. After a while my wife pushed her back then licked and sucked her to another orgasm. They switched to 69 and each made the other cum again several times. Every time more loud and leg shivering than the last. When they finally recovered from the euphoria of the last orgasm we all showered off and returned to the bar area for conversation and more drinks. After dancing a bit we met a third couple. The wife of couple #3 wanted to try two guys at once.

We all returned to the play rooms and I went down on wife #3 while she made out with husband #2. This eventually led to her sucking him. When she came we switched and husband #2 did her missionary style while straddled her face and she took me all the way into her throat. Our wives kept husband #3 company while he watched. When I looked over the ladies were 69-ing again and husband #3 was doing my wife from behind. He would occasionally slip out of her and into the mouth of wife #2.

Wife #3 told us she was about to cum again but wanted us to DP her when she did. She sat on husband #2 and after getting comfortable I slowly entered her back door. The feeling of rubbing together inside her was amazing! It made all three of us cum very quickly. Almost at the same time I heard my wife and wife #2 having a loud orgasm. My wife was on her back with wife #2's face in her crotch while husband #3 was balls deep in wife #2's ass. A few seconds after the ladies orgasm he filled his condom also.

After catching our breath, showering again, and a few more drinks couple #3 returned to the play rooms with another couple and we hung out with couple #2 until the end of the night. Upon returning home my wife and I had a long slow round of sex before going to sleep.


/There, satisfied?


Go on...
 
2014-03-31 01:36:54 PM  

illannoyin: Cletus C.: Rwa2play: illannoyin: Nobody cares who you like to have sex with.

This should be the standard response.

This right here.

Actually, I'd be interested in more details.

Ok.

My wife and I are swingers and went to a swingers party on Saturday night.

We met a nice couple and after a few drinks the other wife and I went into a room and started making out. I went down on her and licked / fingered her until she came. By the time her husband and my wife walked in I was doing her doggy style.

My wife and the other husband watched us for a bit while touching each other and making out. They soon decided to copy us.

The making out and mutual masturbation had made my wife aroused to the point where he was able to easily slide into her. She and the other wife moaned into each other's mouths as they made out and we did them from behind. As he banged her harder and faster my wife said she was about to cum. When she did it made the other wife and I cum at the same time.

The other wife and I then took a break. It was our turn to watch as our spouses switched positions. My wife got on top and rode him to another orgasm. When he came she jumped off and sucked him. She swallowed almost all of his cum only leaving a little on her chin. The other wife then eased over and the ladies shared a deep kiss.

That kiss turned into their hands exploring their bodies. After a while my wife pushed her back then licked and sucked her to another orgasm. They switched to 69 and each made the other cum again several times. Every time more loud and leg shivering than the last. When they finally recovered from the euphoria of the last orgasm we all showered off and returned to the bar area for conversation and more drinks. After dancing a bit we met a third couple. The wife of couple #3 wanted to try two guys at once.

We all returned to the play rooms and I went down on wife #3 while she made out with husband #2. This eventually led to her sucking him. When she came we switched and hus ...


Wait.  No armadillos or anteaters involved?  FTS!
 
2014-03-31 01:37:25 PM  
Last time this came up in another article, there was a line "Some people like red cars.  Some people like blue cars.  Some people like both colors, but they only have a one-car garage."

Seems legit.
 
2014-03-31 01:37:54 PM  

ThrobblefootSpectre: These studies apparently offended people who identify as bi.

Here's the article about the 2005 study.
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/07/05/health/05sex.html?pagewanted=all

 No, we aren't offended by the study.  We're offended by people saying we don't exist, or are confused as to what we're attracted to because of that study.
A far better study, and probably more accurate, would be to have the take a sexual survey questionnaire, similar to Kinsey, and incorporate both their identified sexuality and their expressed sexuality."In the new study, a team of psychologists directly measured genital arousal patterns in response to images of men and women."This measuring device is notoriously finicky.   A better study would use fMRI.
 
2014-03-31 01:40:15 PM  

wingedkat: it is easier for a woman to be out as bi than a man.


I'd imagine that really depends on where you live and whether you can stand the derp.  If you're an attention-seeker at a liberal college campus there's almost no downside because the stereotype caters to you; it's to the point that straight women pretend to be bi.  So yeah, odds are that's a lot easier than being a bi man, I suppose.  In areas where bigotry is alive and well, you're an "impure fornicating abomination and insult to God" either way, so odds are the only difference gender makes is just what they choose to do to make your life miserable.

I'm using extremes to make a point here, but I think the lesson for the thread is that whatever one assumes about bisexuality. . . don't.
 
2014-03-31 01:44:25 PM  

dragonchild: wingedkat: I'm monogamous and currently out of the dating game so it isn't as necessary for me to label myself correctly.

There may not be anything at stake now, but I think it's important to learn how to describe yourself accurately to others.  It shouldn't matter in forming one's opinion of someone, but we humans are social creatures and an effort to know you should be met with an obligation to use the right words to avoid confusion.


I'm open about being bisexual as opposed to homosexual or heterosexual.  Identifying as neither gay nor straight is important, because there is such confusion about it.    For now, "bisexual" is the more general category, and really that's as much as anyone I'm not trying to ask out on a date needs to know.

If "pansexual" or "omnisexual" become generally accepted as a category that includes bisexual, I'll happily identify as either instead... but I'll let the gender studies folks work that out.  Right now, those two terms are even more confusing than "bisexual" and I don't feel the need to go around trying to explain the differences.
 
2014-03-31 01:45:40 PM  
There are so many reasons and so many ways that the hate for bisexuals can form and spread, but it all boils down to a lack of empathy and a need to look down on someone.  Even the lowest person on the social ladder has someone, NEEDS someone, to hate.
 
2014-03-31 01:47:59 PM  

MrMouse: Wait. No armadillos or anteaters involved? FTS!


Sorry, not last weekend.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraphilia
 
2014-03-31 01:52:32 PM  

bighairyguy: I've known a few bisexuals and the general trait they had in common was amorality, along with a side helping of predatory. Not the kind of people you'd want to associate with, even with your clothes on.


If most of the people you hang out with a predatory and amoral, maybe that says more about you than them.
 
2014-03-31 01:55:38 PM  

illannoyin: Cletus C.: Rwa2play: illannoyin: Nobody cares who you like to have sex with.

This should be the standard response.

This right here.

Actually, I'd be interested in more details.

Ok.

My wife and I are swingers and went to a swingers party on Saturday night.

We met a nice couple and after a few drinks the other wife and I went into a room and started making out. I went down on her and licked / fingered her until she came. By the time her husband and my wife walked in I was doing her doggy style.

My wife and the other husband watched us for a bit while touching each other and making out. They soon decided to copy us.

The making out and mutual masturbation had made my wife aroused to the point where he was able to easily slide into her. She and the other wife moaned into each other's mouths as they made out and we did them from behind. As he banged her harder and faster my wife said she was about to cum. When she did it made the other wife and I cum at the same time.

The other wife and I then took a break. It was our turn to watch as our spouses switched positions. My wife got on top and rode him to another orgasm. When he came she jumped off and sucked him. She swallowed almost all of his cum only leaving a little on her chin. The other wife then eased over and the ladies shared a deep kiss.

That kiss turned into their hands exploring their bodies. After a while my wife pushed her back then licked and sucked her to another orgasm. They switched to 69 and each made the other cum again several times. Every time more loud and leg shivering than the last. When they finally recovered from the euphoria of the last orgasm we all showered off and returned to the bar area for conversation and more drinks. After dancing a bit we met a third couple. The wife of couple #3 wanted to try two guys at once.

We all returned to the play rooms and I went down on wife #3 while she made out with husband #2. This eventually led to her sucking him. When she came we switched and hus ...


The Aristocrats!
 
2014-03-31 01:56:17 PM  

brimed03: ciberido: Cold_Sassy: If she'd just STFU about her sexual preferences and kept them private except to those with whom she'd consider a liaison, she wouldn't have this problem.  Quit yer whining!

Really?  Just stay in the closet?  That tired old canard?  You couldn't think of anything better?

"Quit whining" is Cold Sassy's standard response. It's how she shows how rugged she is. About other people's troubles, I mean.


So more cold than sassy, then.
 
2014-03-31 01:59:06 PM  

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: Interesting perspectives, both. I owe both of you an apology for the glibness in my post


Nah, it's all good :)
 
2014-03-31 02:02:14 PM  

Clever Neologism: wingedkat:
There's nothing wrong with being polyamorous, but no one has the right to be a lying sh*t about it.

Much like someone posted above, and much like political orientation, one axis of sexuality is not sufficient.  You need at least three:

Biological sexual preference: homosexual -> bisexual -> heterosexual
Gender sexual preference: feminine -> neuter -> masculine
Multiplicity preference: monogomous -> "open relationship" (circumstantially polyamorous) -> polyamorous

Thus, your stereotypical homosexual bear-chaser would be a homosexual, masculine, and polyamorous (thus the chaser part).

Thinking like this would make it clear that bisexuality does not imply promiscuity.

However, once you get to this point, labels cease to be informative and become confusing... and then you start mistakenly reifying adjectives into hard categories.  That way lies madness and no-true-Scotsman genital waving.


hmm.  yes, this does get a bit too complicated for anything outside  sociology or gender studies theories.

For one thing, "chasing"  says nothing about polyamory.  A "chaser" expresses a type preference that neither excludes monogamy nor requires love.  

You also need something that describes sex without love or commitment.
 
2014-03-31 02:02:23 PM  
ciberido:Being bisexual isn't the best of both worlds.  If anything, it's the worst of both worlds.  We get it from both ends.

Well... I've gotta tell you, when I hear a guy is bi, him getting it from both ends is pretty much the first thing I think of. But all the videos say that they like it. Stop shattering my illusions.

Homophones hate us as much or more than they do "mono" gays, but we're "not gay enough" or "in denial" or "have straight privilege" in the minds of the rest of the lbgtq community.

The Bare Bears hate you? That's bad news.

That said, if you offered me a magic pill which would make me non bisexual, I don't know that I'd take it.

I've got a cure, but you take it in suppository form; twice at bedtime, then call me in the morning.
 
2014-03-31 02:04:44 PM  
SquiggsIN:
I would correct you on one point.  Polyamorous does not mean promiscuous and vice-versa.

I guess that's technically true.  Promiscuous means, apart from any pejorative connotation, both multitude and variety.  Polyamorous only means many... so I guess one could be polyamorous and always be with the same stereotype or something.

Something tells me, though, that you were immediately reacting to the pejorative sense of promiscuous.  I want to take that word back, like "slut" (but not porch-monkey).   I think sexually expressing yourself with many people, *and* a wide variety of people, is a good thing.  Life is exploration.
 
2014-03-31 02:08:55 PM  

illannoyin: Nobody cares who you like to have sex with.



Orly? Looks to me like a whole bunch of people care a whole lot.
 
2014-03-31 02:10:01 PM  

wingedkat: Clever Neologism: wingedkat:
There's nothing wrong with being polyamorous, but no one has the right to be a lying sh*t about it.

Much like someone posted above, and much like political orientation, one axis of sexuality is not sufficient.  You need at least three:

Biological sexual preference: homosexual -> bisexual -> heterosexual
Gender sexual preference: feminine -> neuter -> masculine
Multiplicity preference: monogomous -> "open relationship" (circumstantially polyamorous) -> polyamorous

Thus, your stereotypical homosexual bear-chaser would be a homosexual, masculine, and polyamorous (thus the chaser part).

Thinking like this would make it clear that bisexuality does not imply promiscuity.

However, once you get to this point, labels cease to be informative and become confusing... and then you start mistakenly reifying adjectives into hard categories.  That way lies madness and no-true-Scotsman genital waving.

hmm.  yes, this does get a bit too complicated for anything outside  sociology or gender studies theories.

For one thing, "chasing"  says nothing about polyamory.  A "chaser" expresses a type preference that neither excludes monogamy nor requires love.  

You also need something that describes sex without love or commitment.


See, this is where I've had problems with polyamory. It tends to get over-thought and over-analyzed until the fun is sapped out of it. But that's just my personal experience. Much like bisexuality, not all attitudes and experiences are the same.
 
2014-03-31 02:13:22 PM  
There's no such thing as "bisexual", just slutty women who want to impress guys and gay men who are hedging their bets.
 
2014-03-31 02:16:12 PM  

JesusJuice: There's no such thing as "bisexual", just slutty women who want to impress guys and gay men who are hedging their bets.


The words "dropping a deuce" come to mind.
 
2014-03-31 02:16:28 PM  

Shadowknight: ciberido: dragonchild: Lady J: sexuality is a continuum, imo, from solely fancying men at one end to solely fancying women at the other (im sure im not the first person to say it). some people are right at one end, others are in the middle. most are a lot nearer one end than the other, but with a bit of wriggle room. there's more women drifting towards the middke than men, as they care less about people thinking they're gay (oh n0es!), and let's face it, buttsecks is pretty intrusive

The spectrum itself is rather misleading.  The one thing that struck me about bisexuals is just how diverse they are.  I mean it makes sense if you think about it, but if you're a switch hitter you have two entirely different sets of preferences and it's almost never portrayed accurately.

There's also a distinction you can draw between bisexuals and pansexuals, if you want to talk about differences.

As I understand it, a "not-pansexual bisexual" likes their men to be "manly" and their women to be "womanly," with less attraction to androgyny.

The analogy I sometimes use is: "I love steak and I love ice cream, but I don't want steak à la mode"

And this is what I meant with the confusing category thing. It can't just be a preference you have, you have to name yourself as a subculture.


"Have to"?  No.  Dragonchild made a comment about the diversity of bisexuality and I expanded a bit on it.  I don't go around introducing myself as "a non-pansexual bisexual" or go to "non-pansexual" support groups or anything.
 
2014-03-31 02:23:25 PM  

Clever Neologism: SquiggsIN:
I would correct you on one point.  Polyamorous does not mean promiscuous and vice-versa.

I guess that's technically true.  Promiscuous means, apart from any pejorative connotation, both multitude and variety.  Polyamorous only means many... so I guess one could be polyamorous and always be with the same stereotype or something.

Something tells me, though, that you were immediately reacting to the pejorative sense of promiscuous.  I want to take that word back, like "slut" (but not porch-monkey).   I think sexually expressing yourself with many people, *and* a wide variety of people, is a good thing.  Life is exploration.


Generally speaking, promiscuous implies that your partners don't necessarily know each other, nor are they necessarily consenting to you sleeping with other people. In a polyamorous one, all involved parties should know and be consenting.
 
2014-03-31 02:24:59 PM  

Clever Neologism: wingedkat: SquiggsIN: I've seen it dozens of times.  It seems that many lesbians and gay men don't want bisexual partners because they are afraid of being cheated on with a member of the opposite gender more than a member of the same gender.  I've seen potentially great relationships halted by the revelation that some one has "dated on both sides in the past."

It is pretty frustrating.  Since coming out as bi, I have felt unwelcome in the gay scene and as a consequence I almost never meet women I can date.  So I don't date women, confirming the stereotype that bi women "always" end up with men.
 I'm of of the opinion it's damn near impossible to find a non-bisexual person truly comfortable with a bisexual partner.
Thus, bisexual males also mostly end up with females, and just don't express their bisexuality.  It's also why there's no "culture" for us... because we *can* "blend-in" in a psycho-sexual-social sense, we take the path of least resistance, and settle for less-than-fully-fulfilled sex lives with occasional nice surprises.Also, I have this theory:Relatively unenlightened hetero and homo people can abstractly understand one another: they are both attracted to one sex exclusively.  Even the dullest hetero man can understand homosexuality on the level of "he likes guys, in the same way girls like guys."  They might think it's wrong, but at least they understand it as something built-in: they didn't choose to like girls, and homos don't choose to like guys.


Many people see see being bisexual as being both gay and straight, but some people see bisexuality as being a "third orientation," neither heterosexual nor homosexual.  I have to admit there are times when I feel exclusively-gay and exclusively-heterosexual people have more in common with each other than either group does with bisexuals.  Being only attracted to the same sex and being only attracted to the opposite sex seem equally "weird" to me.
 
2014-03-31 02:27:13 PM  

Shadowknight: Voiceofreason01: Or people could, I don't know, grow the fark up and stop trying to put neat little labels on everything and forcing everyone else to fit into their tiny preconceived notion of how the world works. Also "slut shaming"....stop it, that shiat is not cool.

I'm with you on the slut shaming thing, but humans have always wanted things labeled. It's how we understand our world. Especially something like sexuality and gender assignment, which is traditionally rather binary.


0           l
0          /
0       ―
0    ―
0 ―

/Binary makes me hot
 
2014-03-31 02:27:51 PM  
wingedkat:

For one thing, "chasing"  says nothing about polyamory.  A "chaser" expresses a type preference that neither excludes monogamy nor requires love.

Bad example for the first reason (might be serial monogamist), but not the second.    It was hard to find a pithy description of a person that incorporated all three axes.

I am using polyamory without any supposition as to love, despite the roots in the word.  It's simply descriptive sexual behavior.

There doesn't seem to be a good, basic word for the strict opposite of "monogamous".  Polygamous is restricted to 1-to-many male to female (and also ties into marital structure and not just sexual behavior).  I got dinged for promiscuous earlier too.  The polys don't like you using polyamorous in that sense, because they want to distinguish themselves from other people who "just want a lot of sex" (as if that isn't enough of a reason, or somehow less worthy of respect).

Again, this is a byproduct of labels.  When you make a common adjective a label, you prevent other people from talking about the subject area using those adjectives without being *extremely* careful about exactly who is listening, what assumptions they might make, etc.  Especially in a public forum where everyone can respond.

If you use *any* adjective related to sexual behavior, *someone* isn't going to like how you are using it, probably because they identify with that adjective, have made it part of themselves, and not by using it wrong, you are in effect misusing *them*.

At that point, respectful discourse becomes damn near impossible.  Trust me, my roommate and partner works for a Feminist Health Center, is as sexually enlightened as the best of us, is extremely careful with language, and has been in kink/poly/queer circles.  She *still* has trouble doing even basic interaction with the community on occasion, *especially* online.

You also need something that describes sex without love or commitment.

Sure.  That would be hard to objectively gauge though, especially love.  How about longevity of relationships?  That would probably serve as a useful proxy measurement.  There are serial monogamists and polyamorous networks that are deeply committed to their multiple partners over decades.

The choice of axes should be made based on what is important information for you.
 
2014-03-31 02:28:17 PM  

ciberido: Shadowknight: ciberido: dragonchild: Lady J: sexuality is a continuum, imo, from solely fancying men at one end to solely fancying women at the other (im sure im not the first person to say it). some people are right at one end, others are in the middle. most are a lot nearer one end than the other, but with a bit of wriggle room. there's more women drifting towards the middke than men, as they care less about people thinking they're gay (oh n0es!), and let's face it, buttsecks is pretty intrusive

The spectrum itself is rather misleading.  The one thing that struck me about bisexuals is just how diverse they are.  I mean it makes sense if you think about it, but if you're a switch hitter you have two entirely different sets of preferences and it's almost never portrayed accurately.

There's also a distinction you can draw between bisexuals and pansexuals, if you want to talk about differences.

As I understand it, a "not-pansexual bisexual" likes their men to be "manly" and their women to be "womanly," with less attraction to androgyny.

The analogy I sometimes use is: "I love steak and I love ice cream, but I don't want steak à la mode"

And this is what I meant with the confusing category thing. It can't just be a preference you have, you have to name yourself as a subculture.

"Have to"?  No.  Dragonchild made a comment about the diversity of bisexuality and I expanded a bit on it.  I don't go around introducing myself as "a non-pansexual bisexual" or go to "non-pansexual" support groups or anything.


So if ones tastes included both Oysters and Snails, why would one limit themself to just men men and women women, I mean if you liked both wouldnt some nice T&C like Baily Jay be right up your alley?
 
2014-03-31 02:29:07 PM  

Fafai: The thing is you can't really complain that people won't date you based on whatever reasons they like. We're not talking about systemic discrimination, just jealous and insecure people, so I can't get too mad. They have the right to date whoever based on whatever. If someone's going to dump you for that shiat then they're probably doing you a favor. It obviously wasn't going to work with such a disparity in open-mindedness anyhow.


Depends on what exactly "complaining" means.

In the sense of "Damn this sucks," yes, I can complain.

In the sense of "She's a biphobic bigoted judgmental ass for not dating me just because I'm bisexual," no I can't.
 
2014-03-31 02:33:21 PM  

fredbox: I'm in the "it's none of my business who you find attractive unless (1) it's me or (2) there's pictures or videos of what you do on the internet" camp.

In my experience, (1) is less likely than (2). But in spite of this I've still have various kinds of fun in spite of growing up extremely repressed and being a solid 4/10 where attractiveness is concerned (although "eye of the beholder" does seem to be a thing. I don't try too hard to understand when someone wants me anyway.)

You want a clean, convenient label? "Freak". I'm too busy jamming your culture to belong to one myself.


Sure, I'm a freak.  But am I superfreak, that's the question.

/I do like incense, wine, and candles.
 
2014-03-31 02:33:50 PM  

OtherLittleGuy: "You people and your quaint little categories."


At least he leaves the poodles alone unlike his dirty ex partner
 
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