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(Huffington Post)   Bisexual woman tired of stereotypes that try to force her into a box   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 268
    More: Interesting, Bisexual woman, closet cases, stereotypes, Sexuality and gender identity-based cultures, Girls Gone Wild, bisexuals, New York Times Magazine, trans people  
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8583 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Mar 2014 at 11:31 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



268 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-03-31 12:04:36 PM  

Rwa2play: Voiceofreason01: Or people could, I don't know, grow the fark up and stop trying to put neat little labels on everything and forcing everyone else to fit into their tiny preconceived notion of how the world works. Also "slut shaming"....stop it, that shiat is not cool.

.Man sleeps around? "HE'S A SEX GOD~!"


In his own mind.


.

 
2014-03-31 12:04:51 PM  

SquiggsIN: Shadowknight: Especially something like sexuality and gender assignment, which is traditionally rather binary.

... and research has shown for decades that tradition is wrong because sexuality is not binary.


I never said it was right or correct. Ever little penguins have proven to be fabulous and end up with a same sex mate, but also fertilize an egg or two. But we, as social animals, tend to want to group and categorize.

You're fighting a uphill battle to try to get people to think outside that term. Not an unworthy fight, but very difficult.
 
2014-03-31 12:05:28 PM  
Why does every little thing need to have a culture attached to it? What's next, brown hair culture?
 
2014-03-31 12:05:31 PM  

Shadowknight: Voiceofreason01: Or people could, I don't know, grow the fark up and stop trying to put neat little labels on everything and forcing everyone else to fit into their tiny preconceived notion of how the world works. Also "slut shaming"....stop it, that shiat is not cool.

I'm with you on the slut shaming thing, but humans have always wanted things labeled. It's how we understand our world. Especially something like sexuality and gender assignment, which is traditionally rather binary.


On mobile, so I can't FTFY the usual way. But let's fix that last sentence:
Especially something like sexuality and gender assignment, which in *some cultures* is *limited to a* traditionally rather binary *view.*

Plenty of other cultures have a far more complex view of gender and sexuality. Trinary (ternary if you prefer), quadnary, sliding scale, fluid, and others that don't lend to mere mathematical description.
 
2014-03-31 12:06:34 PM  

RedfordRenegade: IDK, I read the article and could not decide.  I guess you can say I could go either way.


whynotboth.jpg
 
2014-03-31 12:06:43 PM  

Lady J: Skleenar: I don't get the whole "bisexuality doesn't exist" thing.  Is this some sort of mechanism to force same-sex attracted people into the gay demographic so it swells their numbers, or is is some hetero reaction to find some smaller group to shame (because it's a "choice") because we can't do that to the gays anymore?

I just never got where this came from.

sexuality is a continuum, imo, from solely fancying men at one end to solely fancying women at the other (im sure im not the first person to say it). some people are right at one end, others are in the middle. most are a lot nearer one end than the other, but with a bit of wriggle room. there's more women drifting towards the middke than men, as they care less about people thinking they're gay (oh n0es!), and let's face it, buttsecks is pretty intrusive and you'd have to be a pretty open minded straight man to even consider it

the world according to lady j


Not to mention it's a sliding scale, and you may be at different places on it at different times.
 
2014-03-31 12:06:43 PM  

Cletus C.: Rwa2play: illannoyin: Nobody cares who you like to have sex with.

This should be the standard response.

This right here.

Actually, I'd be interested in more details.


encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com

I could stand a little more
 
2014-03-31 12:06:46 PM  

miscreant: DROxINxTHExWIND: miscreant: sandbar67: I'm buysexual.

If you have sex with me, I'll buy you stuff.

I'd like a Ferrari... how much sex does that cost?


That'll be access to all three holes for the remainder of your life...dollars, please.

Three holes? I'm not into aural sex...


Your loss.
img.fark.net
 
2014-03-31 12:08:40 PM  

Skleenar: I don't get the whole "bisexuality doesn't exist" thing.  Is this some sort of mechanism to force same-sex attracted people into the gay demographic so it swells their numbers, or is is some hetero reaction to find some smaller group to shame (because it's a "choice") because we can't do that to the gays anymore?

I just never got where this came from.


It's a stereotype. Heteros assume bis marry into a straight relationship after they're done "having fun." Gays assume bis are playing both sides and see bisexuals as noncommittal. Even what I just typed is a stereotype, for not all straight nor gay people think this way about bisexuals. For many bis though, they feel invalidated and intimidated by the jerk-asses they've met who claim they're wishy-washy or selfish.
 
2014-03-31 12:08:55 PM  
Love the person, not the plumbing. :/

/Have fun with the plumbing
 
2014-03-31 12:09:17 PM  

SquiggsIN: Shadowknight: Especially something like sexuality and gender assignment, which is traditionally rather binary.

... and research has shown for decades that tradition is wrong because sexuality is not binary.


Ayup.

Sexuality is on a continuum.  Techically, everyone is bisexual because no one is all the way 100% at either endpoint.
 
2014-03-31 12:09:33 PM  
Is it just me or has the HuffPo gone from trying to be a serious news source to just being another gossip site?
 
2014-03-31 12:10:17 PM  

Shadowknight: Especially something like sexuality and gender assignment, which is traditionally rather binary.


Except that it isn't. Even something like the Kinsey Scale, which at least attempts to address the complexity of human sexuality, is woefully oversimplified. That's why you end up with the LGBTQ-ad-nauseum-alphabet-soup, because it's too complicated to fit everyone into neat little categories.
 
2014-03-31 12:10:31 PM  

Voiceofreason01: Or people could, I don't know, grow the fark up and stop trying to put neat little labels on everything and forcing everyone else to fit into their tiny preconceived notion of how the world works. Also "slut shaming"....stop it, that shiat is not cool.


You sound like a slut.
 
2014-03-31 12:10:40 PM  

Shadowknight: Skleenar: I don't get the whole "bisexuality doesn't exist" thing.  Is this some sort of mechanism to force same-sex attracted people into the gay demographic so it swells their numbers, or is is some hetero reaction to find some smaller group to shame (because it's a "choice") because we can't do that to the gays anymore?

I just never got where this came from.

Maybe a little of that, but I think for a lot of days that were brave enough to be "out" it felt like bisexuality was a way for more timid gay people to be out while not being all the way. Like they are hedging their bets or something. Like they were still too ashamed of themselves and/or the rest of the gay community to actually identify as such.


Yup, Bisexual people are basically heterosexuals who like to dip a toe (or other appendages) into the gay pool once in a while. The true test of orientation is not sexual acts, but genuine attraction. Bi guys like to use gay men for fun, but they never, ever fall in love with them. A gay guy might think that he's dating a bi guy, but the bi guy is going to go home to his wife  (that he never bothered to mention).
 
2014-03-31 12:10:44 PM  
For some crazy ideas on sexuality, read this:

http://sbgrille.forumer.com/same-sex-divorce-t2352126.html
 
2014-03-31 12:11:32 PM  

brimed03: Shadowknight: Voiceofreason01: Or people could, I don't know, grow the fark up and stop trying to put neat little labels on everything and forcing everyone else to fit into their tiny preconceived notion of how the world works. Also "slut shaming"....stop it, that shiat is not cool.

I'm with you on the slut shaming thing, but humans have always wanted things labeled. It's how we understand our world. Especially something like sexuality and gender assignment, which is traditionally rather binary.

On mobile, so I can't FTFY the usual way. But let's fix that last sentence:
Especially something like sexuality and gender assignment, which in *some cultures* is *limited to a* traditionally rather binary *view.*

Plenty of other cultures have a far more complex view of gender and sexuality. Trinary (ternary if you prefer), quadnary, sliding scale, fluid, and others that don't lend to mere mathematical description.


True enough, some cultures did evolve to even venerate cross gender folks. I was thinking more along caveman terms though. Fire hurt, rock hard, purple plant poison, red bug make stink, that man no me tribe so me no like or trust.

As societies evolves, we all kind of did different things. So yeah, you're right, it's mostly us in the western world that has the hangups.
 
2014-03-31 12:11:49 PM  

MrMouse: The Flexecutioner: I'm pretty sure the mainstream media has told me nothing about bisexuality, much like this blog someone got paid to write in the form of an article.

I'm more of a trysexual.  Ya know, I'm willing to try, like, all the time.  I'm a part of the LGBNAF community.

/yes, obscure

Is there a community for people who like to have sex with themselves?  Because I would...uh...be interested in a pamphlet or two.


Sure, but you'll have to specify. Do you want the one for people who *like to,* or the one for people who *have no choice but to?* Or as we like to shorthand it: the Billy Idol or the PeeWee Herman?
 
2014-03-31 12:11:58 PM  
Relevant to this topic

Also, whatever happened to the Kinsey scale (or at least the concept that Homosexuality/Heterosexuality is sometimes, and possibly more often than not, somewhere in the middle of those two extremes)?

I like the idea of a 2-axis Kinsey-type scale, with the X axis representing the Homo/Hetero continuum and the Y axis representing the "amplitude", which boils down to just how much of your drive and energy you devote to sexual pursuits, how much self-actualization you derive from your sexual expression.

For instance, I'm not particularly sexual. It is on very rare occasions that you'll hear me say out loud, "damn, dat ass, yo." Still, every once in a while, I'll say something like that. That would put me at about a 1 on the Y axis. Someone who, let's say, has their own sexytime webcam? that's like a 10.

And of course, it goes to 11. That would be for people with armadillos down their trousers.
 
2014-03-31 12:12:25 PM  

BorgiaGinz: Yup, Bisexual people are basically heterosexuals who like to dip a toe (or other appendages) into the gay pool once in a while. The true test of orientation is not sexual acts, but genuine attraction. Bi guys like to use gay men for fun, but they never, ever fall in love with them. A gay guy might think that he's dating a bi guy, but the bi guy is going to go home to his wife (that he never bothered to mention).


citationneeded.jpg
 
2014-03-31 12:12:50 PM  

miscreant: DROxINxTHExWIND: miscreant: sandbar67: I'm buysexual.

If you have sex with me, I'll buy you stuff.

I'd like a Ferrari... how much sex does that cost?


That'll be access to all three holes for the remainder of your life...dollars, please.

Three holes? I'm not into aural sex...


Looking forward to meeting you, with joy and trepannation.
 
2014-03-31 12:13:05 PM  

GonzoNihilist: Is it just me or has the HuffPo gone from trying to be a serious news source to just being another gossip site?


Difficulty: name the exact period when they were a serious new source.
 
2014-03-31 12:14:17 PM  

Lady J: sexuality is a continuum, imo, from solely fancying men at one end to solely fancying women at the other (im sure im not the first person to say it). some people are right at one end, others are in the middle. most are a lot nearer one end than the other, but with a bit of wriggle room. there's more women drifting towards the middke than men, as they care less about people thinking they're gay (oh n0es!), and let's face it, buttsecks is pretty intrusive


The spectrum itself is rather misleading.  The one thing that struck me about bisexuals is just how diverse they are.  I mean it makes sense if you think about it, but if you're a switch hitter you have two entirely different sets of preferences and it's almost never portrayed accurately.
 
2014-03-31 12:14:56 PM  

mercator_psi: Relevant to this topic

And of course, it goes to 11. That would be for people with armadillos down their trousers.


Thanks a lot!  Another pamphlet I need to try and find.
 
2014-03-31 12:15:52 PM  

Voiceofreason01: Or people could, I don't know, grow the fark up and stop trying to put neat little labels on everything and forcing everyone else to fit into their tiny preconceived notion of how the world works.

lolimage.com
 
2014-03-31 12:16:27 PM  

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: DjangoStonereaver: I wish I was bisexual, but try as I might, I don't find men sexually attractive.  In fact, I'm amazed that we've
been able to continue on as a species.

Precisely this. On any given night, being bisexual doubles your chances for a date. I could use that edge.


It actually sucks.  A lot of the "mono gays" say bisexuals have it easier because we have "straight privilege" because we can "function" or "pass" as straight anytime we're in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex.  That's about as true as saying a gay person can can "function" or "pass" as straight anytime they're not actually dating anyone.

If you're gay, you're gay 100% of the time, even if you don't happen to have a penis or clitoris in your mouth at that exact moment.  If you're bi, you're bi 100% of the time, even if you don't happen to be naked in bed with someone of the same sex at that moment.

Being bisexual isn't the best of both worlds.  If anything, it's the worst of both worlds.  We get it from both ends.  Homophones hate us as much or more than they do "mono" gays, but we're "not gay enough" or "in denial" or "have straight privilege" in the minds of the rest of the lbgtq community.

That said, if you offered me a magic pill which would make me non bisexual, I don't know that I'd take it.
 
2014-03-31 12:18:45 PM  

illannoyin: Nobody cares who you like to have sex with.

This should be the standard response.


Not true! I am often interested in whether someone likes to have sex with me. The answer is usually "no".
 
2014-03-31 12:19:55 PM  

OtherLittleGuy: [upload.wikimedia.org image 253x304]

"You people and your quaint little categories."


Yeah, this is why I sometimes feel like non-bisexuals are the weird ones.  Jack could make anyone, male or female, cross the street.

/I'd torch his wood.
 
2014-03-31 12:21:08 PM  

Cold_Sassy: If she'd just STFU about her sexual preferences and kept them private except to those with whom she'd consider a liaison, she wouldn't have this problem.  Quit yer whining!


Really?  Just stay in the closet?  That tired old canard?  You couldn't think of anything better?
 
2014-03-31 12:22:37 PM  

Lady J: Skleenar: I don't get the whole "bisexuality doesn't exist" thing.  Is this some sort of mechanism to force same-sex attracted people into the gay demographic so it swells their numbers, or is is some hetero reaction to find some smaller group to shame (because it's a "choice") because we can't do that to the gays anymore?

I just never got where this came from.

sexuality is a continuum, imo, from solely fancying men at one end to solely fancying women at the other (im sure im not the first person to say it).


No.   You're really not the first.
 
2014-03-31 12:23:02 PM  
I'm more interested in people rather than plumbing. We'll make the plumbing work.
 
2014-03-31 12:23:20 PM  

ciberido: ...We get it from both ends...


*titter*
 
2014-03-31 12:23:44 PM  

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: Precisely this. On any given night, being bisexual doubles your chances for a date. I could use that edge.

/if only guys didn't look so... dudey


yeah, that's really not how it works.

Just as most straight people aren't attracted to everyone with a penis or vagina, bi people aren't suddenly attracted to everyone of both genders.  Most bi people I've talked to are as discriminating as straight people, but the attractive qualities are not dependant on gender.  

Or worse; for example I tend to be attracted to men and women with feminine qualities, so a large portion of people I'm attracted to are straight women and gay men, leaving me only a very small chance of finding a date.
 
2014-03-31 12:25:30 PM  

OtherLittleGuy: [upload.wikimedia.org image 253x304]

"You people and your quaint little categories."


You know he is not bisexual, he is gay right ? (the actor)
Cute couple, interesting facebook page.
 
2014-03-31 12:26:16 PM  

sandbar67: I'm buysexual.

If you have sex with me, I'll buy you stuff.


How YOU doin'?


/I kid, of course.
 
2014-03-31 12:26:25 PM  
Bi means:

Gays think you're a tourist

Straights think you're closeted

Sexuality is complex. And people want simple. And not all bi's are the same to add a little more complexity. I find women (generally) much more visually/aesthetically sexually appealing, but also desire the physical act of sex with a male.

Though I have my own prejudices. I pretty much assume almost everyone would fall somewhere between the extremes of all straight or all gay if culture wasn't so hung up on needing crass rigid defining boxes for every social construct.
 
2014-03-31 12:26:32 PM  

Shadowknight: brimed03: Shadowknight: Voiceofreason01: Or people could, I don't know, grow the fark up and stop trying to put neat little labels on everything and forcing everyone else to fit into their tiny preconceived notion of how the world works. Also "slut shaming"....stop it, that shiat is not cool.

I'm with you on the slut shaming thing, but humans have always wanted things labeled. It's how we understand our world. Especially something like sexuality and gender assignment, which is traditionally rather binary.

On mobile, so I can't FTFY the usual way. But let's fix that last sentence:
Especially something like sexuality and gender assignment, which in *some cultures* is *limited to a* traditionally rather binary *view.*

Plenty of other cultures have a far more complex view of gender and sexuality. Trinary (ternary if you prefer), quadnary, sliding scale, fluid, and others that don't lend to mere mathematical description.

True enough, some cultures did evolve to even venerate cross gender folks. I was thinking more along caveman terms though. Fire hurt, rock hard, purple plant poison, red bug make stink, that man no me tribe so me no like or trust.

As societies evolves, we all kind of did different things. So yeah, you're right, it's mostly us in the western world that has the hangups.


Sadly not just the western world. Although on some cases (e.g
many African nations) it's hard to know since we've been deliberately contaminating or replacing the local cultures ever since we began colonizing, up through the present day. FWICT, India used to have a healthy view of sex and gender, except when it came to inter-caste sex... but that's a wholly other issue. I've no idea what the various Asian states' views were or currently are. Central and South America have also been so highly tainted by Western colonization-- native populations there (like N.America) have arguably had it worse that Africa since they were all but wiped out-- but my guess is that the less-than-hardcore-Christian nations are pretty relaxed about it. Hard not to be what with all that sun and skimpy clothing on everybody.
 
2014-03-31 12:27:31 PM  

ObscureNameHere: Thought:  In 2014, why does someone HAVE to declare a 'team' (LBGT, straight)?

Would this not be easier?: Love who you want to love


Labels make it easier to find romantic and sexual partners. It's like "married" or "single".
 
2014-03-31 12:27:41 PM  

Cletus C.: Rwa2play: illannoyin: Nobody cares who you like to have sex with.

This should be the standard response.

This right here.

Actually, I'd be interested in more details.


Videos too. If they're available.
 
2014-03-31 12:28:17 PM  

mercator_psi: Relevant to this topic

Also, whatever happened to the Kinsey scale (or at least the concept that Homosexuality/Heterosexuality is sometimes, and possibly more often than not, somewhere in the middle of those two extremes)?

I like the idea of a 2-axis Kinsey-type scale, with the X axis representing the Homo/Hetero continuum and the Y axis representing the "amplitude", which boils down to just how much of your drive and energy you devote to sexual pursuits, how much self-actualization you derive from your sexual expression.

For instance, I'm not particularly sexual. It is on very rare occasions that you'll hear me say out loud, "damn, dat ass, yo." Still, every once in a while, I'll say something like that. That would put me at about a 1 on the Y axis. Someone who, let's say, has their own sexytime webcam? that's like a 10.

And of course, it goes to 11. That would be for people with armadillos down their trousers.


Thank you for recognizing our existence. It's nice to feel validated.
 
2014-03-31 12:28:24 PM  
I have a strict policy of only having sex with people who will let me
 
2014-03-31 12:29:32 PM  

Happy Father: For some reason I now have Oglaf comics running around my head


That's because the creator is angry and insane - Sithrak, the Blind Gibberer!
 
2014-03-31 12:29:42 PM  

miscreant: sandbar67: I'm buysexual.

If you have sex with me, I'll buy you stuff.

I'd like a Ferrari... how much sex does that cost?


That depends.   Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?
 
2014-03-31 12:30:23 PM  
There seem to be a lot of plumbers in this thread.  Did I stumble across one of your meetings?
 
2014-03-31 12:31:35 PM  
I've known a few bisexuals and the general trait they had in common was amorality, along with a side helping of predatory. Not the kind of people you'd want to associate with, even with your clothes on.
 
2014-03-31 12:31:45 PM  

JPINFV: Why does every little thing need to have a culture attached to it? What's next, brown hair culture?


We tried that already.

fc07.deviantart.net

Didn't work.
 
2014-03-31 12:31:57 PM  

Rwa2play: Voiceofreason01: Or people could, I don't know, grow the fark up and stop trying to put neat little labels on everything and forcing everyone else to fit into their tiny preconceived notion of how the world works. Also "slut shaming"....stop it, that shiat is not cool.

Dontcha just luv that shiat?!  Woman sleeps around?  "SHE'S A HO!" Man sleeps around? "HE'S A SEX GOD~!"

Just once I'd like to find out about a woman being "slut shamed" at a HS/College so I could put up a nice billboard trolling the entire campus.



Jim Jeffries on why that double standard is perfectly logical: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbvrGiL_s70
 
2014-03-31 12:33:02 PM  

JPINFV: Why does every little thing need to have a culture attached to it? What's next, brown hair culture?


Brown haired people are all sluts.
 
2014-03-31 12:33:13 PM  

Rambino: Rwa2play: Voiceofreason01: Or people could, I don't know, grow the fark up and stop trying to put neat little labels on everything and forcing everyone else to fit into their tiny preconceived notion of how the world works. Also "slut shaming"....stop it, that shiat is not cool.

Dontcha just luv that shiat?!  Woman sleeps around?  "SHE'S A HO!" Man sleeps around? "HE'S A SEX GOD~!"

Just once I'd like to find out about a woman being "slut shamed" at a HS/College so I could put up a nice billboard trolling the entire campus.


Jim Jeffries on why that double standard is perfectly logical: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbvrGiL_s70


Oh yeah -- NSFW language, i guess
 
2014-03-31 12:35:46 PM  

grokca: JPINFV: Why does every little thing need to have a culture attached to it? What's next, brown hair culture?

Brown haired people are all sluts.


I wish, but my lack of action tends to disprove that.
 
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