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(Crooks & Liars)   There is such a thing as a Fox News Priest   (crooksandliars.com) divider line 52
    More: Cool, Fox News, Archdiocese of New York, priests, escapism  
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1261 clicks; posted to Politics » on 31 Mar 2014 at 2:26 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-03-31 09:13:25 AM  
So if I have this straight, a Persian epic story that was stolen by the Jews and then incorporated into the Christian bible will invoke the wrath of God because His name was not explicitly mentioned, even though explicitly mentioning His name amongst certain Jews would get you beheaded at some points in history.

That's so crazy it just might be true.
 
2014-03-31 09:24:43 AM  
It's also escapism from the true story, from what's in the Bible."

So do I understand that the Catholic Church is of the belief that the Noah story is a literal truth?
 
2014-03-31 09:38:46 AM  
Also on his shiatlist:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
 
2014-03-31 09:47:00 AM  
He's worse than comic book fanboys.
 
2014-03-31 09:50:52 AM  

kronicfeld: So do I understand that the Catholic Church is of the belief that the Noah story is a literal truth?


According to Wikipedia, this dude was the "theological adviser in the making of Mel Gibson's motion picture The Passion of the Christ." So, given that, it would be unsurprising if he's also just short of open Sedevacantism, which in turn suggests that his views may well not correspond well to the contemporary officially sanctioned position of the Catholic Church on the question.
 
2014-03-31 10:15:24 AM  
A Catholic priest, who is serving on the Archdiocese of New York, and also employed as an analyst by Fox News

Matthew 6:24

"No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon."
 
2014-03-31 10:26:47 AM  
OH, THE FREE PUBLICITY!
 
2014-03-31 10:41:59 AM  
"They missed the mark, and they're going to pay for it dearly," he added.

I wonder what he means exactly.  A very large but selective flood?
 
2014-03-31 10:46:31 AM  

Diogenes: "They missed the mark, and they're going to pay for it dearly," he added.

I wonder what he means exactly.  A very large but selective flood?


He's planning on making another snuff film, but this time he's going to kill Russell Crowe for reals.
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2014-03-31 11:11:16 AM  
Dinki:

"No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon."

I think most  of organized religion went with Mammon some time ago.
 
2014-03-31 01:04:11 PM  

Marcus Aurelius: Diogenes: "They missed the mark, and they're going to pay for it dearly," he added.

I wonder what he means exactly.  A very large but selective flood?

He's planning on making another snuff film, but this time he's going to kill Russell Crowe for reals.


OK.  So he's not all bad then.
 
2014-03-31 01:17:34 PM  
You know... now that I think about it, Fox News and a kiddie diddler sounds like they'd be a natural match
 
2014-03-31 01:18:07 PM  
Morris explained that the film creators had made the mistake of making God into and "impersonal force that tells you to do crazy things," and for depicting a Noah who was "borderline schizophrenic."

Prey tell how you make a story about a guy that builds a huge boat "cause god told him to," without the guy looking borderline schizophrenic?
 
2014-03-31 01:41:44 PM  
Oh God.
 
2014-03-31 01:46:27 PM  

impaler: Prey tell how you make a story about a guy that builds a huge boat "cause god told him to," without the guy looking borderline schizophrenic?


Yeah, people look at you crazy when you park a regular-old boat in your side yard, much less build some titanic floating building on dry land.

kronicfeld: So do I understand that the Catholic Church is of the belief that the Noah story is a literal truth?


I've been meaning to ask around about that, since I realized that there isn't any archaeological nor widespread anthropological evidence for such an event.  Plus the whole "2 of every creature" thing has never made any damn sense.
 
2014-03-31 01:59:03 PM  
What would the "true story" of Noah look like that was different than what's in the movie? Less rock monsters, maybe. Anything else? Seemed pretty spot on to me.
 
2014-03-31 02:03:41 PM  

DamnYankees: What would the "true story" of Noah look like that was different than what's in the movie?


Someone plagiarizing Sumerian Gilgamesh poems?
 
2014-03-31 02:13:12 PM  
so the declaration of independence and the constitution are also on his shiat-list, apparently.
 
2014-03-31 02:17:01 PM  

abb3w: kronicfeld: So do I understand that the Catholic Church is of the belief that the Noah story is a literal truth?

According to Wikipedia, this dude was the "theological adviser in the making of Mel Gibson's motion picture The Passion of the Christ." So, given that, it would be unsurprising if he's also just short of open Sedevacantism, which in turn suggests that his views may well not correspond well to the contemporary officially sanctioned position of the Catholic Church on the question.


According to that same page, he did his theological training in The Legion of Christ, which means he's
about as militantly doctrinaire as you can get.
 
2014-03-31 02:17:53 PM  
Fox News needs to hire these priests - then I'd watch:

img2.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-03-31 02:32:16 PM  
Father Morris, hasn't anyone ever told you not to stick your religion in crazy?
 
2014-03-31 02:32:37 PM  
your God is an asshole.
 
2014-03-31 02:36:04 PM  

Dinki: A Catholic priest, who is serving on the Archdiocese of New York, and also employed as an analyst by Fox News

Matthew 6:24

"No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon."



Yes, but as is written in Galt 3:05:

"Thine own self-interests are hitherto elevated above all lessons contained in this text. And the lowest among you must kisseth thy hindquarters in supplication, lest eternal ridicule and shame be upon their lives."
 
2014-03-31 02:36:42 PM  

Isitoveryet: Father Morris, hasn't anyone ever told you not to stick your religion in crazy?


...as opposed to those other, sane religions?
 
2014-03-31 02:37:57 PM  

DamnYankees: What would the "true story" of Noah look like that was different than what's in the movie?


A textually-accurate version would be about 10-20 minutes long with zero dialogue. The story in the text is essentially the Cliff's Notes version:
God says "Flood's coming; get these animals ready."
Noah rounds them all up.
Rain starts.
They board the ark - 8 people and a shiat-ton of animals.
Rain ends.
Noah sends out a bird, it circles round-and-round and does nothing.
Noah waits a week, then sends out another bird.
Bird farks off, then comes back with a branch.
They de-board the Ark.
("Fun times with wine and nudity", but that seems like more of a coda than a part of the story.)
Then the genealogical line from Noah to Abraham, followed by the Tower of Babel, but those are also not part of the same story.

I'm not kidding - that's basically the version in the text, and I didn't have to remove a single element of the story apart from embellishments ("deep springs gushed forth", etc).

I've read that Aronofsky borrowed from extra-textual, traditional stories, which he'd sort of have to just to give the story some kind of second (or dare I hope, third) dimension.
 
2014-03-31 02:38:20 PM  
If they don't stop crying about this, we may need to build another ark.
 
2014-03-31 02:39:14 PM  
sp0.fotolog.com
 
2014-03-31 02:40:04 PM  

Diogenes: "They missed the mark, and they're going to pay for it dearly," he added.

I wonder what he means exactly.  A very large but selective flood?


The studio is already drowning in a flood of money:

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/envelope/cotown/la-et-ct-noah-b ox -office-results-divergent-muppets-20140330,0,7219202.story
 
2014-03-31 02:43:46 PM  

clkeagle: Isitoveryet: Father Morris, hasn't anyone ever told you not to stick your religion in crazy?

...as opposed to those other, sane religions?


hah! good point.

/that's easy for me to say because i'm not religious.
//I can be spiritual at times
 
2014-03-31 02:46:24 PM  

abb3w: kronicfeld: So do I understand that the Catholic Church is of the belief that the Noah story is a literal truth?

According to Wikipedia, this dude was the "theological adviser in the making of Mel Gibson's motion picture The Passion of the Christ." So, given that, it would be unsurprising if he's also just short of open Sedevacantism, which in turn suggests that his views may well not correspond well to the contemporary officially sanctioned position of the Catholic Church on the question.

pissed he didn't get a paycheck out of this movie.
 
2014-03-31 02:48:09 PM  

Diogenes: DamnYankees: What would the "true story" of Noah look like that was different than what's in the movie?

Someone plagiarizing Sumerian Gilgamesh poems?


hail ashera
 
2014-03-31 02:49:05 PM  

clkeagle: Isitoveryet: Father Morris, hasn't anyone ever told you not to stick your religion in crazy?

...as opposed to those other, sane religions?


img.fark.net
 
2014-03-31 02:51:27 PM  
I wasn't all that interested when I first heard about this movie, figured it was one more for the godbotherers, like The Snuff Film of the Christ.  Then I got a look at the commercials/trailers and I realized that a movie made from a literal reading of the Bible comes out an awful lot like Clash of the Titans/Lord of the Rings i.e., mythology and high fantasy.  Looks like it's getting decent reviews so now I kinda want to see it.

But it's pissing off the fundies too?  Ticket sold.
 
2014-03-31 02:52:03 PM  

DjangoStonereaver: According to that same page, he did his theological training in The Legion of Christ, which means he's about as militantly doctrinaire as you can get.


I'm not sure which way you see that datum pointing. Remember, sedevacantists consider themselves more Catholic than the pope. Literally -- they're the ones so militantly doctrinaire that they think that Vatican II was bogus and that Paul VI and his successors were too liberal to actually have been real popes.
 
2014-03-31 03:03:36 PM  

abb3w: DjangoStonereaver: According to that same page, he did his theological training in The Legion of Christ, which means he's about as militantly doctrinaire as you can get.

I'm not sure which way you see that datum pointing. Remember, sedevacantists consider themselves more Catholic than the pope. Literally -- they're the ones so militantly doctrinaire that they think that Vatican II was bogus and that Paul VI and his successors were too liberal to actually have been real popes.


Everything I came here to say has been covered. Bravo.
 
2014-03-31 03:05:39 PM  

factoryconnection: I've been meaning to ask around about that, since I realized that there isn't any archaeological nor widespread anthropological evidence for such an event. Plus the whole "2 of every creature" thing has never made any damn sense.


Don't forget construction of a wooden keel that is 450' long yet doesn't simply snap apart under its own weight, as well as rotting to shiat in the elements during the long, long months it takes you to build the hull.
 
2014-03-31 03:14:28 PM  

sabreWulf07: factoryconnection: I've been meaning to ask around about that, since I realized that there isn't any archaeological nor widespread anthropological evidence for such an event. Plus the whole "2 of every creature" thing has never made any damn sense.

Don't forget construction of a wooden keel that is 450' long yet doesn't simply snap apart under its own weight, as well as rotting to shiat in the elements during the long, long months it takes you to build the hull.


I didn't think there would have been a keel (or prow) for that matter. It was only supposed to float, no means of locomotion means no need for steering.
 
2014-03-31 03:16:20 PM  

sabreWulf07: factoryconnection: I've been meaning to ask around about that, since I realized that there isn't any archaeological nor widespread anthropological evidence for such an event. Plus the whole "2 of every creature" thing has never made any damn sense.

Don't forget construction of a wooden keel that is 450' long yet doesn't simply snap apart under its own weight, as well as rotting to shiat in the elements during the long, long months it takes you to build the hull.



Someone once told me that maybe God gifted Noah with a chainsaw and the other power tools he would have needed to build his ark.

I didn't even know where to start with my response.
 
2014-03-31 03:22:31 PM  

clkeagle: sabreWulf07: factoryconnection: I've been meaning to ask around about that, since I realized that there isn't any archaeological nor widespread anthropological evidence for such an event. Plus the whole "2 of every creature" thing has never made any damn sense.

Don't forget construction of a wooden keel that is 450' long yet doesn't simply snap apart under its own weight, as well as rotting to shiat in the elements during the long, long months it takes you to build the hull.


Someone once told me that maybe God gifted Noah with a chainsaw and the other power tools he would have needed to build his ark.

I didn't even know where to start with my response.


Especially seeing the God the Jews and Christians know wasn't involved.  Sumerians, funny people.
 
2014-03-31 03:54:14 PM  
A bimbo in a white collar sitting on a couch next to three other bimbos in a Fox News studio.  Who woulda thunk it?
 
2014-03-31 04:28:36 PM  

Marcus Aurelius: even though explicitly mentioning His name amongst certain Jews would get you beheaded at some points in history.


That's the relevant point in all this. Noah wouldn't call God Elohim, he would have called him Yahweh. A direct translation to English WOULD be Creator not God.
 
2014-03-31 04:31:45 PM  
A Catholic priest, who is serving on the Archdiocese of New York, and also employed as an analyst by Fox News

And we all know the root word of analyst, right?
 
2014-03-31 04:34:26 PM  

Grungehamster: Marcus Aurelius: even though explicitly mentioning His name amongst certain Jews would get you beheaded at some points in history.

That's the relevant point in all this. Noah wouldn't call God Elohim, he would have called him Yahweh. A direct translation to English WOULD be Creator not God.


I farked that up; actually Elohim would supposedly have been in use because the use of Yahweh started with Moses according to the priestly source. Still, using veiled references rather than speaking the word God is incredibly common among the Jewish faith today and Aronofsky is himself a Jewish man raised by a devout parent.
 
2014-03-31 05:17:36 PM  
"Pay for it dearly" sounds like a sales gimmick to rationalize pop corn prices doubling to the size of a monthly payment on a Mercedes S Class.

Besides there hasn't been a good pagan movie since Tom Hanks and Dan Ackroid in Dragnet.

i1.ytimg.com
 
2014-03-31 05:18:42 PM  
The SO has a priest in the family now (cause his Grandma planned a long time ago to have a doctor, engineer, priest, and lawyer - she's got 3/4).  He's a Fox News Watching Priest but not a Fox News Priest because even though he's incredibly conservative he knows how to behave in polite society.

Fox News host Anna Kooiman began a Sunday morning segment about the movie by noting that Christians were "up in arms, but environmentalists are excited about it."

Really.  I'm sure some somewhere are, but I haven't heard a single person mention their excitement about the movie... ever, actually.  It's exhausting enough dealing with climate change in real life, why would we seek more of that out in a dramatized 'inspired' by the Bible form?  I kind of like Aronofsky but I can wait til I can rent it.  Some folks might've been excited about the possibility of more climate change discussion amongst the general public but I'm pretty damn sure the religious fervor over it would have quashed those tiny little hopes ages ago anyway.
 
NFA [TotalFark]
2014-03-31 09:16:05 PM  
So let me get this right, FOX has a priest on their show to threaten the makers of Noah because they failed to call God by name.  YET Fox news has a show on their network (COSMOS) which openly refutes much of what is in the bible.
 
2014-03-31 09:22:42 PM  
Anyone who is interested: I'd take a look at Rashi's commentary on the story of Noah. It goes in-depth into what Jewish tradition teaches:

1. An argument can be made that Noah (and his predecessors to Adam) were vegetarians
2. An argument can be made that neighboring people did want to attack the ark when it rained

And more. (Ham's curse, etc.)

The bad angels who came down to help Man have a history in the Kabbalah and such. Some other traditions in the Zohar say they had sex with human women, who then gave birth to demons.

Plus, I don't get why some Christians are mad that the word "God" isn't used. "God" (just like "The Eternal") is a euphemism for the name of the deity that Christians and Jews worship. Since I'm Jewish, I won't write it. If you're mad that a euphemism is used, then stop saying "God" yourself.

In short, Christians who are angry with Noah don't know what they're talking about.

/ Saw it last night -- decent epic action flick, don't take it so seriously
 
2014-03-31 10:54:47 PM  

StreetlightInTheGhetto: The SO has a priest in the family now (cause his Grandma planned a long time ago to have a doctor, engineer, priest, and lawyer - she's got 3/4).  He's a Fox News Watching Priest but not a Fox News Priest because even though he's incredibly conservative he knows how to behave in polite society.

Fox News host Anna Kooiman began a Sunday morning segment about the movie by noting that Christians were "up in arms, but environmentalists are excited about it."

Really.  I'm sure some somewhere are, but I haven't heard a single person mention their excitement about the movie... ever, actually.  It's exhausting enough dealing with climate change in real life, why would we seek more of that out in a dramatized 'inspired' by the Bible form?  I kind of like Aronofsky but I can wait til I can rent it.  Some folks might've been excited about the possibility of more climate change discussion amongst the general public but I'm pretty damn sure the religious fervor over it would have quashed those tiny little hopes ages ago anyway.


I like how she implies that Christians and environmentalists are mutually exclusive groups.
 
2014-03-31 10:57:01 PM  
It's obvious. The story is an allegory, and the ark is a TARDIS.
 
2014-03-31 11:08:12 PM  

NFA: So let me get this right, FOX has a priest on their show to threaten the makers of Noah because they failed to call God by name.  YET Fox news has a show on their network (COSMOS) which openly refutes much of what is in the bible.


Wow... If I didn't know any better, I'd think the Fox Broadcasting Group is just in it for the money.
 
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