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(Gap Year)   Man allows hyena to eat his genitals   (gapyear.com) divider line 117
    More: Weird, eastern province, witch doctors, genitals, Malawi, Zulu  
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6855 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Mar 2014 at 10:01 AM (16 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



117 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-03-31 12:31:19 PM
weknowmemes.com
 
2014-03-31 12:40:47 PM

Salmon: He looks happier than I think I would.


He believes wealth will now come to him whereas you wouldn't.

I wonder what the witch doctor's excuse will be...
 
2014-03-31 12:57:08 PM
But enough about Subby's mom...
 
2014-03-31 01:08:08 PM

Harry Freakstorm: Chamangeni Zulu, originally from Malawi, was acting on a tip-off from a witch doctor in Eastern Province, who told him he would amass sudden wealth if he sacrificed some of his body parts. The witch doctor was vague regarding the manner in which Zulu would get rich from such an act.

youdontsay.jpg

It's the result of these diploma mill witch doctors. Nowadays, a couple of months in a hut and some internet bought juju and 'poof' you're a witch doctor. It is events like this where I always get a second witch doctor's opinion. Had one from an old HMO (Healthy Magic Organization) tell me if I let a scorpion sting me, I would gain the stamina of a bull. Well, I went to a second, out of network, witch doctor and he told me it would take at least two stings. I sure would have looked stupid with one scorpion sting trying to please the missus. But two stings did the trick. At least they told me they did since I don't remember anything for a couple of days following the treatment. But both stings were covered, so that was a good thing.


Bravo
 
2014-03-31 01:21:04 PM

JesusJuice: A thriving and sophisticated culture.


They call theirs "witch doctors", we call ours "psychics", "homeopaths", "food supplements", "organic farmers", "preachers", "natural healers", etc...

And each is convinced that their own particular belief is legitimate and that everyone else's is silly.
 
2014-03-31 01:33:30 PM

falseidols: Classic


Reminds me of tbe old Eddie Murphy 'gay Mr. T' sketch.

Boy, you look mighty fine in those jeans!
 
2014-03-31 01:36:43 PM
Darwin Award? Yeah that qualifies.
 
2014-03-31 02:08:23 PM
media.tumblr.com
/i know i'm late
/is not obscure
/also not hyena
/slashie of unconcern
 
2014-03-31 03:00:06 PM

capt.hollister: Salmon: He looks happier than I think I would.

He believes wealth will now come to him whereas you wouldn't.

I wonder what the witch doctor's excuse will be...


I could almost write a short story about it.

He's released from the hospital, enthusiastic that he is going to achieve wealth. But as days turn to months turn to years he becomes bitter and resentful and realizes that religion is a sham which plays upon the gullible. So he starts to crusade against religion and superstition. His voice becomes louder and people flock to him and his society of skeptics.

Now he is the chairman of a worldwide organization which gathers money to send missionaries into the farthest regions of the world to bring enlightenment and reason and free the people of the dark savagery of superstition and religion. He is asked to speak everywhere, travelling the world, staying in the best hotels.

In his twilight years he no longer has the energy to run the organization so he turns it over to his adopted son and retires. He emigrates to a nice condo in Manhattan near the headquarters of his organization so that he can still be close when they need him.

Then at last he is on his deathbed and as he reflects upon a life well spent, riding the world of ignorance he looks up to see the witch doctor standing at the foot of his bed with a smile. The witch doctor says to him "told you".
 
2014-03-31 03:36:30 PM

kid_icarus: Well, has the wealth started rolling in yet?


Hell, with that kind of stupidity I'm willing to throw the dude a buck.
 
2014-03-31 04:05:08 PM
No Fark pool for the  guy?
 
2014-03-31 06:04:55 PM
How did he get the hyena to stop?  They're pretty mean.
 
2014-03-31 06:46:47 PM

sandi_fish: How did he get the hyena to stop?  They're pretty mean.


Maybe it was just full. We don't know how hung he was.
 
2014-03-31 09:13:48 PM

kid_icarus: Well, has the wealth started rolling in yet?


the 'fame' has.


// This stuff has been going on for 100,000 years
 
2014-03-31 09:21:25 PM

cgraves67: AbiNormal: So did the hyena bite it off all at once or did it gnaw on it a little before hand?

You know that thing your dog does with a tug-of-war rope? It's like that, but with tearing flesh.


Not an image to relish.
 
2014-03-31 10:11:16 PM
Oh my god, y'all, this web site looks totally legit! And at first it was just this web site reporting this story, but now Mirror, Daily Mail and News Corp are all over this, so it's totally true!!!1!!1
 
2014-03-31 10:50:40 PM

dinch: This has got to be the strangest thing I've read in a looonnngg time. I mean, seriously, WTF? And the picture of the guy. He's freakin smiling! And how the fark do you manage to just stand there while a freakin hyena is eating your toes and then genitalia? Seriously, wtf?


Let me see if I can help you out. The website - familiar with it? Me neither. A quick Google New search of Zambia+Hyena turns up daily Mail, Mirror and News Corp, and not a single other credible new source. ZOMG he's smiling ZOMG!!! My guess is he's smiling because he has not actually had his balls gnawed off by a wild animal, but hey maybe that's just crazy talk.

Does that help?
 
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