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(Gap Year)   Man allows hyena to eat his genitals   (gapyear.com) divider line 117
    More: Weird, eastern province, witch doctors, genitals, Malawi, Zulu  
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6911 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Mar 2014 at 10:01 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



117 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-03-31 10:25:05 AM  

sethen320: I get the impression the witch doctor was just trying to broker a black market kidney sale.


And the sad thing is, these "witch doctors" get away with this shiat, because everyone is scared that the f*cker will turn them into a turnip or some such nonsense.
 
2014-03-31 10:26:41 AM  

Harry Freakstorm: Chamangeni Zulu, originally from Malawi, was acting on a tip-off from a witch doctor in Eastern Province, who told him he would amass sudden wealth if he sacrificed some of his body parts. The witch doctor was vague regarding the manner in which Zulu would get rich from such an act.

youdontsay.jpg


A wealth of entertainment for the internet community is a  kind of wealth?
 
2014-03-31 10:27:14 AM  

lilbjorn: [t1.gstatic.com image 195x258]

He will receive a wealth of dope slaps in the coming years


FTFA: Chamangeni Zulu, originally from Malawi, was acting on a tip-off from a witch doctor

Personally I think the best Darwin award winners are the ones who live but still manage to remove themselves from the gene pool.
 
2014-03-31 10:28:57 AM  

cgraves67: vas deferens.


Stop it.  You people are killing me.  LOL
 
2014-03-31 10:30:26 AM  
Tastes like chicken.

/dark meat
 
2014-03-31 10:31:28 AM  

Slartibartfaster: Sarcasm meter out of battery ?


Just a bit out of whack.  I'm up to speed now.
 
2014-03-31 10:31:36 AM  
Hey! There's a follow up article already!

Seems like a Nigerian Prince has just died and left him 13 million dollars!
 
2014-03-31 10:34:27 AM  

doglover: AbiNormal: So did the hyena bite it off all at once or did it gnaw on it a little before hand?

It's a hyena. They can bite THROUGH a man. Not any particular part, but all the parts at once. There's a video of some eating a whole elephant. They just tear thought it like tissue paper.


That's crazy.  The interwebs says the only thing they can't digest is hoofs and horns which they barf up in pellets.  They just chomp down the whole damn carcass.  I guess the guy is "lucky" it only chomped his balls, depending on your definition of lucky.
 
2014-03-31 10:35:30 AM  
Worst blow job ever....

Protip to the next witch doctor's patient seeking wealth by hyena bite, turn around and let them eat a butt cheek first - or run away...
 
2014-03-31 10:38:11 AM  
Matthew 19:12

For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.
 
2014-03-31 10:39:52 AM  
Witch Doctor: 'yes, just let me, I MEAN THE HYENA eat you and you will be rich aoooooo! excuse me."
 
2014-03-31 10:39:59 AM  

FarkQued: Worst blow job ever....

Protip to the next witch doctor's patient seeking wealth by hyena bite, turn around and let them eat a butt cheek first - or run away...


I said stop it.  I'm going to bust a gut laughing.  For some reason, this thread is extremely funny to me.
 
2014-03-31 10:41:48 AM  
That's what you get if you believe in witch doctors.
 
2014-03-31 10:44:31 AM  
disseminary.org
 
2014-03-31 10:48:18 AM  
There is no amount of money, real or imagined, that would get me to give up my genitalia.

I mean what would be the point of being rich?
 
2014-03-31 10:49:45 AM  

Harry Freakstorm: Can someone sponsor him on one of those internet loan websites?  Be kind of funny if he did actually start getting cash.


Could it be considered a charitable donation if its construed as a means to stop the spread of AIDS, if enough others join in?  Probably cheaper and more effective than current efforts...
 
2014-03-31 10:51:31 AM  
If we send this guy money, others will try this.
 
2014-03-31 10:52:53 AM  
hmmm...eerily similar to a lot of the stories in this (highly recommended) book:

http://www.amazon.com/Hyena-A-Collection-Short-Stories/dp/1494305305

only without the rampant drug use and sex.
 
2014-03-31 10:54:33 AM  
This has got to be the strangest thing I've read in a looonnngg time. I mean, seriously, WTF? And the picture of the guy. He's freakin smiling! And how the fark do you manage to just stand there while a freakin hyena is eating your toes and then genitalia? Seriously, wtf?
 
2014-03-31 10:56:22 AM  
That look on his face made me laugh till I cried for some reason.

/your hyena wants balls
 
2014-03-31 10:56:33 AM  

dinch: This has got to be the strangest thing I've read in a looonnngg time. I mean, seriously, WTF? And the picture of the guy. He's freakin smiling! And how the fark do you manage to just stand there while a freakin hyena is eating your toes and then genitalia? Seriously, wtf?


He was either high or borderline retarded.  Or both.
 
2014-03-31 11:00:54 AM  
Bunny, Ball ball!

img.fark.net
 
2014-03-31 11:01:31 AM  

Some Coke Drinking Guy: kid_icarus: Well, has the wealth started rolling in yet?

I was going to make a joke about taking the advice of witch doctors, but then I remembered half of my family still gives ten percent of their money to the Mormon church, because Jesus will totally bless them, and give them way more back in return, both spiritually and physically, in blessings for doing so.  I would like to think none of them would sacrifice a body part if their church told them God would give them a new bonus room on their invisible mansion in heaven, but I am not so sure.


At least somebody here realizes that we're not that far removed. Access to education, quality of life, etc etc. "WTF Africa" comments are particularly stupid.
 
2014-03-31 11:10:02 AM  
That article gave me an earworm.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sv040mhybqQ

Naked Raygun - Libido
 
2014-03-31 11:13:46 AM  
Is this one of those stories where the guy puts peanut butter on his junk for a lickin', but, things got out of control?  Or maybe he read the story about the guy farking the dead dog in Florida, and thought a live hyena would be even sexier.  So many questions concerning this incident.  But, one thing is for sure, Africa - The Continent of Nope.
 
2014-03-31 11:16:48 AM  
A thriving and sophisticated culture.
 
2014-03-31 11:20:29 AM  
He looks happier than I think I would.
 
2014-03-31 11:20:31 AM  
In related news...Diogenes' aunt and uncle want to know if I'd like to join them on an African safari trip (absolutely truth).

I'm hesitating because of the cost.  I think I have a solution to that problem now!



You refer to yourself in the third person?
 
2014-03-31 11:24:27 AM  
Survey says: It's a FAAAAAKE!!!

At least that's what I'll continue believing until a reputable news agency confirms this.
 
2014-03-31 11:28:57 AM  
Am I the first?

heahea.org
static.fjcdn.com

You takes your pick and you makes your choice
 
2014-03-31 11:31:51 AM  

AbiNormal: doglover: AbiNormal: So did the hyena bite it off all at once or did it gnaw on it a little before hand?

It's a hyena. They can bite THROUGH a man. Not any particular part, but all the parts at once. There's a video of some eating a whole elephant. They just tear thought it like tissue paper.

*Puts dick back in pants* Off to the gorilla exhibit.


Female hyenas have a clitoris that is sometimes LARGER than the male's penis. FYI.

Gorillas have massive size in body, but actually comparatively smaller genitals to humans. So they might be interested but they're also herbivores. They won't eat your dick, just break you in half and toss you in the corner with the other garbage. No money for you.

Where you want to go is the garra rufa tank. They're small fish that eat dead skin cells. They have no teeth, and will just kind of sand your epidermis with their tongues. They're called "Dr. Fish" in some places and used as a kind of foot spa.
 
2014-03-31 11:32:03 AM  
DEAR HYENA:

i.imgur.com
 
2014-03-31 11:34:13 AM  

Diogenes: In related news...Diogenes' aunt and uncle want to know if I'd like to join them on an African safari trip (absolutely truth).

I'm hesitating because of the cost.  I think I have a solution to that problem now!



ive been. it's ace. whereabouts? we went to kenya
 
2014-03-31 11:34:15 AM  
as someone who shaved their balls this weekend I am getting a kick out of this story
 
2014-03-31 11:36:24 AM  

Osato: That's prime Darwin Award material, right here.


It also lends creedance to the Out of Africa theory, in which a man's genitals went out of Africa in the form of a hyena's floating turd.
 
2014-03-31 11:39:34 AM  

Lady J: Diogenes: In related news...Diogenes' aunt and uncle want to know if I'd like to join them on an African safari trip (absolutely truth).

I'm hesitating because of the cost.  I think I have a solution to that problem now!


ive been. it's ace. whereabouts? we went to kenya


Not sure yet.  Waiting for details from them.
 
2014-03-31 11:48:55 AM  
Chopper, SIC BALLS!
 
2014-03-31 11:50:20 AM  

Valiente: Osato: That's prime Darwin Award material, right here.

It also lends creedance to the Out of Africa theory, in which a man's genitals went out of Africa in the form of a hyena's floating turd.


Farking stop it you guys.  If I laugh any more I'm gonna puke.
 
2014-03-31 11:50:39 AM  
www.weasyl.com
 
2014-03-31 11:50:46 AM  

shirtsbyeric: If we send this guy money, others will try this.


That's what youtube is for.
 
2014-03-31 11:53:47 AM  
Maybe the Dingo ate his baby-maker?
 
2014-03-31 11:57:50 AM  

Diogenes: Lady J: Diogenes: In related news...Diogenes' aunt and uncle want to know if I'd like to join them on an African safari trip (absolutely truth).

I'm hesitating because of the cost.  I think I have a solution to that problem now!


ive been. it's ace. whereabouts? we went to kenya

Not sure yet.  Waiting for details from them.


I hear Uganda is lovely. They're even offering Idi Amin tours now!
 
2014-03-31 11:58:27 AM  
of course what we heard was "Chopper, sic balls".
 
2014-03-31 11:58:46 AM  

SmackLT: I was attacked by cougars when I was younger in much the same way.


" .. Memories .."
 
2014-03-31 12:02:29 PM  

cgraves67: AbiNormal: So did the hyena bite it off all at once or did it gnaw on it a little before hand?

You know that thing your dog does with a tug-of-war rope? It's like that, but with tearing flesh.


Is it still considered appropriate to playfully growl back at the animal while this is going on?
 
2014-03-31 12:09:28 PM  
Still a better love story than Twilight.
 
2014-03-31 12:13:46 PM  
That's Shaka-ing news.
 
2014-03-31 12:19:26 PM  
It wasn't his fault - that was the only witch doctor in town that accepted his HMO.
 
2014-03-31 12:22:08 PM  
Wait till he finds out he can't sue a witchdoctor for malpractice.
 
2014-03-31 12:28:56 PM  
"stable?"  No one that just lets an animal chew his toes and junk off is stable.
 
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