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(Gap Year)   Man allows hyena to eat his genitals   (gapyear.com) divider line 117
    More: Weird, eastern province, witch doctors, genitals, Malawi, Zulu  
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6860 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Mar 2014 at 10:01 AM (22 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



117 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-03-31 09:08:29 AM
Was the hyena laughing?
That would be rude.
 
2014-03-31 09:13:31 AM
I was attacked by cougars when I was younger in much the same way.
 
2014-03-31 09:16:55 AM
A hyena came to me and started eating my toes and eventually my manhood was eaten.

Ooo!  Eee!  Ooo!  Ahhhh Ahhhh!
 
2014-03-31 09:29:43 AM
Well, has the wealth started rolling in yet?
 
2014-03-31 09:51:52 AM
Your dog wants tube steak.
 
2014-03-31 10:03:33 AM
That's prime Darwin Award material, right here.
 
2014-03-31 10:03:34 AM
No laughing matter.
 
2014-03-31 10:03:51 AM
That takes balls.

By 'that', I mean the hyena...

'cause he took the balls...
 
2014-03-31 10:04:57 AM
Maybe the hyena wasn't very hungry.
 
2014-03-31 10:07:03 AM
Darwin, working as intended
 
2014-03-31 10:07:17 AM

Diogenes: A hyena came to me and started eating my toes and eventually my manhood was eaten.

Ooo!  Eee!  Ooo!  Ahhhh Ahhhh!


Ting! Tang!  Walla Walla Bing Bang!
 
2014-03-31 10:07:25 AM
This is what happens when you let the hyena industry market directly to the doctors. Then doctors have an interest in prescribing hyenas eating your balls.

//ask your doctor if hyena bite is right for you.
 
2014-03-31 10:07:45 AM
WTF Africa.
 
2014-03-31 10:07:49 AM
I bet they tasted funny.
 
2014-03-31 10:08:07 AM
So did the hyena bite it off all at once or did it gnaw on it a little before hand?
 
2014-03-31 10:08:07 AM
www.dailyramblings.com
Classic
 
2014-03-31 10:08:12 AM

kid_icarus: Well, has the wealth started rolling in yet?


I was going to make a joke about taking the advice of witch doctors, but then I remembered half of my family still gives ten percent of their money to the Mormon church, because Jesus will totally bless them, and give them way more back in return, both spiritually and physically, in blessings for doing so.  I would like to think none of them would sacrifice a body part if their church told them God would give them a new bonus room on their invisible mansion in heaven, but I am not so sure.
 
2014-03-31 10:08:39 AM
The hyena sounds like the way my stock broker works (and I'm still not rich).
 
2014-03-31 10:08:43 AM
They make it sound like it was slow or something.

Toes a tackle? Ten seconds flat.
 
2014-03-31 10:08:48 AM
FTFA:  While it's tragic indeed that Zulu has lost his opportunity to contribute to the human gene pool...

No it's not.  It's not tragic at all.  The gene pool breaths a sigh of relief.
 
2014-03-31 10:08:59 AM
How did the guy know when the hyena was done? Hey hey hey, you still have half-a-ball left, two more bites or no dessert!
 
2014-03-31 10:09:09 AM

AbiNormal: So did the hyena bite it off all at once or did it gnaw on it a little before hand?


It had a little tossed salad first.
 
2014-03-31 10:10:22 AM

AbiNormal: So did the hyena bite it off all at once or did it gnaw on it a little before hand?


You know that thing your dog does with a tug-of-war rope? It's like that, but with tearing flesh.
 
2014-03-31 10:11:15 AM

Some Coke Drinking Guy: kid_icarus: Well, has the wealth started rolling in yet?

I was going to make a joke about taking the advice of witch doctors, but then I remembered half of my family still gives ten percent of their money to the Mormon church, because Jesus will totally bless them, and give them way more back in return, both spiritually and physically, in blessings for doing so.  I would like to think none of them would sacrifice a body part if their church told them God would give them a new bonus room on their invisible mansion in heaven, but I am not so sure.


Letting an animal chew your balls off is just a tad more extreme than tithing.
 
2014-03-31 10:11:27 AM
He was acting on a tip-off.
 
2014-03-31 10:11:45 AM

cgraves67: AbiNormal: So did the hyena bite it off all at once or did it gnaw on it a little before hand?

You know that thing your dog does with a tug-of-war rope? It's like that, but with tearing flesh.


You get a few tugs first before it tears right?
 
2014-03-31 10:11:56 AM

Deacon Blue: Some Coke Drinking Guy: kid_icarus: Well, has the wealth started rolling in yet?

I was going to make a joke about taking the advice of witch doctors, but then I remembered half of my family still gives ten percent of their money to the Mormon church, because Jesus will totally bless them, and give them way more back in return, both spiritually and physically, in blessings for doing so.  I would like to think none of them would sacrifice a body part if their church told them God would give them a new bonus room on their invisible mansion in heaven, but I am not so sure.

Letting an animal chew your balls off is just a tad more extreme than tithing.


If you really want favor from the powers that be, you have to show some commitment.
 
2014-03-31 10:11:57 AM
bullshiat story is bullshiat.
 
2014-03-31 10:13:03 AM
Is this a story of my trip to the bar Friday night?
 
2014-03-31 10:13:47 AM
Chamangeni Zulu, originally from Malawi, was acting on a tip-off from a witch doctor in Eastern Province, who told him he would amass sudden wealth if he sacrificed some of his body parts. The witch doctor was vague regarding the manner in which Zulu would get rich from such an act.

youdontsay.jpg

It's the result of these diploma mill witch doctors. Nowadays, a couple of months in a hut and some internet bought juju and 'poof' you're a witch doctor. It is events like this where I always get a second witch doctor's opinion. Had one from an old HMO (Healthy Magic Organization) tell me if I let a scorpion sting me, I would gain the stamina of a bull. Well, I went to a second, out of network, witch doctor and he told me it would take at least two stings. I sure would have looked stupid with one scorpion sting trying to please the missus. But two stings did the trick. At least they told me they did since I don't remember anything for a couple of days following the treatment. But both stings were covered, so that was a good thing.
 
2014-03-31 10:14:10 AM
In related news...Diogenes' aunt and uncle want to know if I'd like to join them on an African safari trip (absolutely truth).

I'm hesitating because of the cost.  I think I have a solution to that problem now!
 
2014-03-31 10:14:13 AM

cgraves67: You know that thing your dog does with a tug-of-war rope? It's like that, but with tearing flesh.


If you pull a testicle out as opposed to cutting it off, there is a string-like thing that pulls out of the unfortunate's body.  I'm seeing the hyena grasping the testicle in its teeth and slowly stretch that cord out until it snaps.

/don't ask me how I know about such things
 
2014-03-31 10:15:51 AM

Diogenes: If you really want favor from the powers that be, you have to show some commitment.


LOL, if that's the case dude ought to get half the Lord's kingdom
 
2014-03-31 10:16:24 AM

Deacon Blue: cgraves67: You know that thing your dog does with a tug-of-war rope? It's like that, but with tearing flesh.

If you pull a testicle out as opposed to cutting it off, there is a string-like thing that pulls out of the unfortunate's body.  I'm seeing the hyena grasping the testicle in its teeth and slowly stretch that cord out until it snaps.

/don't ask me how I know about such things


Please be more specific. It will make a vas deferens.
 
2014-03-31 10:16:30 AM
t1.gstatic.com

He will receive a wealth of dope slaps in the coming years
 
2014-03-31 10:16:37 AM
you got this and some guy banging coconuts to find a plane

and they want to be treated seriously ???
 
2014-03-31 10:16:48 AM

Deacon Blue: FTFA:  While it's tragic indeed that Zulu has lost his opportunity to contribute to the human gene pool...

No it's not.  It's not tragic at all.  The gene pool breaths a sigh of relief.


Sarcasm meter out of battery ?
 
2014-03-31 10:16:49 AM

AbiNormal: So did the hyena bite it off all at once or did it gnaw on it a little before hand?


It's a hyena. They can bite THROUGH a man. Not any particular part, but all the parts at once. There's a video of some eating a whole elephant. They just tear thought it like tissue paper.
 
2014-03-31 10:17:34 AM
I get the impression the witch doctor was just trying to broker a black market kidney sale.
 
2014-03-31 10:19:34 AM

wxboy: I bet they tasted funny.


Did he work as a clown on the side?
 
2014-03-31 10:20:17 AM

doglover: AbiNormal: So did the hyena bite it off all at once or did it gnaw on it a little before hand?

It's a hyena. They can bite THROUGH a man. Not any particular part, but all the parts at once. There's a video of some eating a whole elephant. They just tear thought it like tissue paper.


The hyena went ass to mouth.
 
2014-03-31 10:20:22 AM
I want the real story.
 
2014-03-31 10:20:55 AM
??? I hope this is not real. I think this guy has mental problems.
 
2014-03-31 10:21:07 AM

doglover: AbiNormal: So did the hyena bite it off all at once or did it gnaw on it a little before hand?

It's a hyena. They can bite THROUGH a man. Not any particular part, but all the parts at once. There's a video of some eating a whole elephant. They just tear thought it like tissue paper.


*Puts dick back in pants* Off to the gorilla exhibit.
 
2014-03-31 10:21:18 AM
gapyear.s3.amazonaws.com
Balls.....

and/or

You know, I usually enjoy partaking in a food frenzy over a fallen antelope but gnawing off a human's testicles is a close second. The only problem is, you get the taste and you want more. Maybe bite in to the thigh or grab a flailing limb and crush the bones. But the human is always "No. no. Mr. Hyena. You only get to eat the testicles." One of these days, I'm gonna tell him "You offered up your testes and that's all fine. You want me to stop there? No. You're lunch now and lunch is what you shall be." No more mister nice hyena.  Then, I'm going to crush his windpipe and enjoy my meal in silence.
 
2014-03-31 10:21:47 AM
I'm thinking, given sufficient time to mull things over, Chamangeni will probably regret his decision not to get a second opinion.

/Whar is Thanks Obama?  WHAR?
 
2014-03-31 10:22:25 AM

farkette716: ??? I hope this is not real. I think this guy has mental problems.


Ya think?!?!
 
2014-03-31 10:22:28 AM

Diogenes: In related news...Diogenes' aunt and uncle want to know if I'd like to join them on an African safari trip (absolutely truth).

I'm hesitating because of the cost.  I think I have a solution to that problem now!


If ANYONE asks you to join them on a trip to Africa, the appropriate answer is to:
c) Slam the door in their face or hang up on them immediately.

/Sure it's a beautiful land. But the chance of violent death/dismemberment/disease keeps me in the "Do Not Want" camp.
 
2014-03-31 10:22:43 AM
Can someone sponsor him on one of those internet loan websites?  Be kind of funny if he did actually start getting cash.
 
2014-03-31 10:23:50 AM
Fta:
"While it's tragic indeed that Zulu has lost his opportunity to contribute to the human gene pool, he remains optimistic about his promised wealth."

no.
 
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