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(Christian News)   Alabama Governor Robert Bentley (R-ighteous) unveils plan to help Alabama's students overcome gang violence, drugs, alcohol, peer pressure, and negative media influence   (christiannews.net ) divider line
    More: Obvious, Governor of Alabama, Prayer Over Students, Governor Robert Bentley, Alabama, media influence, phone calls, Sunday School, school-related attacks  
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2699 clicks; posted to Politics » on 30 Mar 2014 at 4:31 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-03-30 11:07:55 AM  
10 votes:
The groups urged Christians across the state to get involved in one or more activities, such as becoming a "prayer zone partner" by praying each time one drives past a school, planning a prayer vigil at church or organizing a prayer walk around their local school.

I want a hot chick from Alabama to be my beej zone partner, where every time I hear about underperforming Alabama schools, I get a beej. We can have beej vigils at my place. We could organize a beej walk around the woods so we don't get arrested for public indecency or whatever.

Because, you know, me getting a beej does every bit as much to address the problem as people praying when they drive past a school. And it makes me feel even better than these prayer vigil people feel.
2014-03-30 04:55:39 PM  
6 votes:

spongeboob: "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.


You have quoted a commonly misunderstood verse. While many uneducated non-Christians mistakenly believe that the verse is an admonishment against praying in a highly public and visible fashion, it actually is not because hey look over there!
2014-03-30 02:36:30 PM  
6 votes:
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish.
2014-03-30 04:37:33 PM  
5 votes:

Weaver95: um...doesn't this come dangerously close to imposing a state religion on the citizens of alabama?


He never specified which God to pray to, so any deity is fair game.

"Ph'nglui Mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn."
2014-03-30 04:46:12 PM  
4 votes:
I'm going to pray for the opposite and skew the prayers. Tomorrow I'll be driving from Georgia to Mississippi so I can cover the. entire state in just a few hours.
2014-03-30 02:05:10 PM  
4 votes:
""Without prayer, these students will not be able to stand against the insurmountable odds they will face from childhood until they leave this world.""

Wait. I thought the conservatives believed anyone could have the success through just the hard work and low taxes but now they must also have prayer?
2014-03-30 01:43:53 PM  
4 votes:
LAUGHTER OL what the idiot of this he is. Perhaps instead pass the basket around of these and provide further of funding to the students of the state of this and get rid of Nicholas Saban also while we are at this.

Or just have the fake invisible person do the helping.
2014-03-30 07:05:53 PM  
3 votes:

spongeboob: Empty Matchbook: spongeboob: "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

One of my personal favorite passages...and not just cause it got me out of going to synagogue as a kid...

How did a passage from the New Testament get you out of going to synagogue?



Historically speaking, the New Testament gets a lot of people out of going to synagogue.
2014-03-30 05:42:57 PM  
3 votes:

Lee Jackson Beauregard: spongeboob: "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Heretical Satanic modern translation!

[www.tillhecomes.org image 500x376]


So I stood up and told that teachin' lady
the only three letters I need to know
are K,J, and V.
2014-03-30 04:50:25 PM  
3 votes:

spongeboob: "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.


Shut up, Hippie Jesus™. This here's 'Murica and we pray to Republican Jesus™.
2014-03-30 03:50:19 PM  
3 votes:

ox45tallboy: The groups urged Christians across the state to get involved in one or more activities, such as becoming a "prayer zone partner" by praying each time one drives past a school, planning a prayer vigil at church or organizing a prayer walk around their local school.

I want a hot chick from Alabama to be my beej zone partner, where every time I hear about underperforming Alabama schools, I get a beej. We can have beej vigils at my place. We could organize a beej walk around the woods so we don't get arrested for public indecency or whatever.

Because, you know, me getting a beej does every bit as much to address the problem as people praying when they drive past a school. And it makes me feel even better than these prayer vigil people feel.


Nothing every comes from prayer.  A beej however...
2014-03-30 03:25:32 PM  
3 votes:
meow said the dog is in the room everybody!

img.fark.net
2014-03-30 12:05:34 PM  
3 votes:

MrBallou: You realize that in any other setting, encouraging mass self-hypnosis and advocating irrational behavior would be considered a criminal act. Religion gets you a free pass.


Yeah, just wait until the first few auto accidents due to people praying instead of concentrating on the road around the schools.
2014-03-30 06:35:44 PM  
2 votes:

DrD'isInfotainment: less than a century before the Salem Witch Trial took place


Damn that John Adams and his magical time machine!
2014-03-30 05:37:18 PM  
2 votes:

spongeboob: "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.


Heretical Satanic modern translation!

www.tillhecomes.org
2014-03-30 05:21:15 PM  
2 votes:

ox45tallboy: I want a hot chick from Alabama to be my beej zone partner


Which should work out perfectly due to her lack of teeth.
2014-03-30 05:14:58 PM  
2 votes:

spongeboob: "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.


You sound like you expect these idiots to have actually read the bible.
2014-03-30 05:07:54 PM  
2 votes:
img.fark.net
2014-03-30 05:06:33 PM  
2 votes:

MrBallou: You realize that in any other setting, encouraging mass self-hypnosis and advocating irrational behavior would be considered a criminal act. Religion gets you a free pass.


Oprah did it for years.
2014-03-30 05:03:15 PM  
2 votes:

spongeboob: "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.


You don't expect them to read the book that goes with their religion, do you?

Matthew was a hippie RINO.
2014-03-30 05:00:07 PM  
2 votes:

TheMysteriousStranger: Weaver95: um...doesn't this come dangerously close to imposing a state religion on the citizens of alabama?

No, it does not.    The governor can make a declaration asking you to pray or not pray to anything and it has utterly no force of law.   It is no different than anyone else making declarations that people should or should not do something.    The only difference declarations signed by the governor and a declaration signed bag boy at the Piggly Wiggly is that person who happens to be governor has more influence.  But legally, the bag boy's declarations have just as much authority as the governor's i.e. none whatsoever.

The Constitution's prohibition's against church/state entanglement apply to things that actually do have force of law: say the governor ordered you to pray, forced you to contribute to a church (either directly or by giving taxpayer money to the church), etc. etc. etc.  In other words, the governor can't use the powers given to him by the State Constitution or State laws to favor one religion or no religion.  But in all other respects, the governor is just a person like any other free to try to influence you just like anyone else is free to try to influence you.

(That being said, it would not surprise me if a Republican governor in Alabama would be in favor of violating the First Amendment. But merely using his own free speech right to try to convince you to pray is not a violation.)


And will be as effective as when Perry asked everyone to pray for rain.
2014-03-30 04:49:47 PM  
2 votes:
You can not petition the lord with prayer.
2014-03-30 04:44:29 PM  
2 votes:

ox45tallboy: MrBallou: You realize that in any other setting, encouraging mass self-hypnosis and advocating irrational behavior would be considered a criminal act. Religion gets you a free pass.

Yeah, just wait until the first few auto accidents due to people praying instead of concentrating on the road around the schools.


Jeebus take the wheel! *thump* *thump*
2014-03-30 03:57:14 PM  
2 votes:
'Day of Prayer Over Students Across Alabama Prayer over students?  That sounds like you have the kids prostrate on the ground and you are standing over them, which is probably what these Christians feel should be happening.
Just think if you are going to do this you might want something that rolls of the tongue and has a little less unfortunate implications such as Day of Prayer for Alabama Students

And is just me but doesn't See you at the Pole seem to be something you would say to a stripper?
2014-03-30 11:43:02 AM  
2 votes:
You realize that in any other setting, encouraging mass self-hypnosis and advocating irrational behavior would be considered a criminal act. Religion gets you a free pass.
2014-03-31 04:13:45 AM  
1 vote:

highwayrun: El Pachuco: wellreadneck: Lee Jackson Beauregard: spongeboob: "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Heretical Satanic modern translation!

[www.tillhecomes.org image 500x376]

So I stood up and told that teachin' lady
the only three letters I need to know
are K,J, and V.

This is apparently some kind of a thing.

CSB: I was on /b/ (imagine that) and there was an oft-seen anti-atheist thread.  I asked how US Christians knew that their specific sect was the one true sect, and anyway which bible version should they use?  Some person became very insistent that the KJV was THE ONLY version anyone should use - even Egyptian Coptics I guess.

I asked, how could a bible version written/translated in English in the 17th Century be more true to the historic word o'god than the original Aramaic texts from, y'know, biblical times, and got a pile of wharrgarbl in return.  So evidently there's some kind of KJV-uber-alles movement out there.

Even today there are many non-English speaking Protestants both in the US and, shockingly, around the world. Which translation are these God-forsaken souls to use?


They need to learn to speak 'Murrican, otherwise Jesus won't love them.  Obviously.
2014-03-30 07:43:12 PM  
1 vote:
Can they pray to Allah, too?
2014-03-30 07:39:08 PM  
1 vote:

fusillade762: bigsteve3OOO: Statistically the best way to have a kid who grows up good is to have a mom and a dad who remain married.

So... pray for them to ban divorce?


They grow up good but they ain't gots good grammar.
2014-03-30 07:23:54 PM  
1 vote:

bigsteve3OOO: Statistically the best way to have a kid who grows up good is to have a mom and a dad who remain married.


So... pray for them to ban divorce?
2014-03-30 07:10:49 PM  
1 vote:
It's the least he could do.
2014-03-30 07:04:35 PM  
1 vote:
All these god-prayer guys look like they're being ass-f*cked by a cactus dildo.
2014-03-30 06:44:40 PM  
1 vote:

EmmaLou: wellreadneck: Lee Jackson Beauregard: spongeboob: "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Heretical Satanic modern translation!

[www.tillhecomes.org image 500x376]

So I stood up and told that teachin' lady
the only three letters I need to know
are K,J, and V.

Wasn't King James gay?


If they can turn a blind eye to his Catholicism why not his homosexuality?
2014-03-30 06:17:36 PM  
1 vote:
It is cheaper than actually doing something to improve the education system.
2014-03-30 06:06:46 PM  
1 vote:

germ78: ox45tallboy: MrBallou: You realize that in any other setting, encouraging mass self-hypnosis and advocating irrational behavior would be considered a criminal act. Religion gets you a free pass.

Yeah, just wait until the first few auto accidents due to people praying instead of concentrating on the road around the schools.

Jeebus take the wheel! *thump* *thump*


He's only a co-pilot. He's not fully qualified.
2014-03-30 06:00:06 PM  
1 vote:

wellreadneck: Lee Jackson Beauregard: spongeboob: "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Heretical Satanic modern translation!

[www.tillhecomes.org image 500x376]

So I stood up and told that teachin' lady
the only three letters I need to know
are K,J, and V.


Wasn't King James gay?
2014-03-30 05:54:38 PM  
1 vote:

TV's Vinnie: [img.fark.net image 631x760]


Science can change handicapped black kids into able-bodied white kids?
2014-03-30 05:43:04 PM  
1 vote:
And blue-state support for southern secession just got a bit stronger.
2014-03-30 05:42:33 PM  
1 vote:
"Hmm. Prayer or policy?  Prayer... or... policy... decisions, decisions...  You know what, screw it, I'm gonna go with prayer!"
2014-03-30 05:20:39 PM  
1 vote:

inglixthemad: spongeboob: "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

You don't expect them to read the book that goes with their religion, do you?

Matthew was a hippie RINO.


Well Matthew was a publican, a tax collector not the much cooler owner of a pub that I thought that meant when I first read the Bible, so I don't think he would even get the RINO tag pretty sure that makes him a straight up Socialist.
2014-03-30 05:10:00 PM  
1 vote:

ommitay: meow said the dog is in the room everybody!

[img.fark.net image 200x252]


If anyone knows what that schtick is all about, can you help a brother out?
2014-03-30 05:07:02 PM  
1 vote:

spongeboob: "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.


One of my personal favorite passages...and not just cause it got me out of going to synagogue as a kid...
2014-03-30 05:04:59 PM  
1 vote:

spongeboob: 'Day of Prayer Over Students Across Alabama Prayer over students?  That sounds like you have the kids prostrate on the ground and you are standing over them, which is probably what these Christians feel should be happening.
Just think if you are going to do this you might want something that rolls of the tongue and has a little less unfortunate implications such as Day of Prayer for Alabama Students

And is just me but doesn't See you at the Pole seem to be something you would say to a stripper?


Yeah, the "over" part struck me a creepy, too.
2014-03-30 04:58:22 PM  
1 vote:
Nothing fails like prayer.
2014-03-30 04:57:42 PM  
1 vote:

Weaver95: um...doesn't this come dangerously close to imposing a state religion on the citizens of alabama?


No, it does not.    The governor can make a declaration asking you to pray or not pray to anything and it has utterly no force of law.   It is no different than anyone else making declarations that people should or should not do something.    The only difference declarations signed by the governor and a declaration signed bag boy at the Piggly Wiggly is that person who happens to be governor has more influence.  But legally, the bag boy's declarations have just as much authority as the governor's i.e. none whatsoever.

The Constitution's prohibition's against church/state entanglement apply to things that actually do have force of law: say the governor ordered you to pray, forced you to contribute to a church (either directly or by giving taxpayer money to the church), etc. etc. etc.  In other words, the governor can't use the powers given to him by the State Constitution or State laws to favor one religion or no religion.  But in all other respects, the governor is just a person like any other free to try to influence you just like anyone else is free to try to influence you.

(That being said, it would not surprise me if a Republican governor in Alabama would be in favor of violating the First Amendment. But merely using his own free speech right to try to convince you to pray is not a violation.)
2014-03-30 04:53:18 PM  
1 vote:

dahmers love zombie: The proclamation is the ninth issued by the governor, as the first Day of Prayer Over Students took place in 2006. The occasion was launched by the group First Priority of Alabama, an organization that coordinates the Christian clubs that meet weekly before school and various prayer activities, such as "See You at the Pole."

Um, what da fuq?


It's one of those pseudo-clubs where members meet regularly at the flag pole outside school to pray before class. It's also a convenient way for student and faculty busybodies to identify proper, upstanding Christian white folk to give perks to as well as those to ostracize. They've been pulling this shiat since at least when I was in high school 15 years ago. Why yes, this was in Georgia, how did you know?
2014-03-30 04:44:58 PM  
1 vote:

MrBallou: You realize that in any other setting, encouraging mass self-hypnosis and advocating irrational behavior would be considered a criminal act. Religion gets you a free pass.


I was a big fan of whoever said a Black Sabbath concert looked like "The Nuremberg Trials" with everyone pumping their hands into the air...but replace it with people swaying in unison at a Christian rock concert and suddenly it's a beautiful coming together of people.
2014-03-30 04:44:38 PM  
1 vote:
Prayer?  Yeah, that'll fix it for sure.
2014-03-30 04:38:26 PM  
1 vote:

spongeboob: RodneyToady: spongeboob: And is just me but doesn't See you at the Pole seem to be something you would say to a stripper?

Or to Santa.


 Santa lives at the North Pole so no one bothers him when he is trying to get ready for Christmas, be really rude to barge into his crib like that.


Yeah he just needs hide the elf slavery.
2014-03-30 04:36:29 PM  
1 vote:
In sha'Allah
2014-03-30 04:13:17 PM  
1 vote:

RodneyToady: spongeboob: And is just me but doesn't See you at the Pole seem to be something you would say to a stripper?

Or to Santa.



 Santa lives at the North Pole so no one bothers him when he is trying to get ready for Christmas, be really rude to barge into his crib like that.
2014-03-30 04:08:01 PM  
1 vote:

spongeboob: And is just me but doesn't See you at the Pole seem to be something you would say to a stripper?


Or to Santa.
2014-03-30 03:52:02 PM  
1 vote:

ox45tallboy: Yeah, just wait until the first few auto accidents due to people praying instead of concentrating on the road around the schools.


Then he'll declare a Day of Prayer Over Motor Vehicles.

Or a Day of Prayer Over Pray-ers.
2014-03-30 03:45:41 PM  
1 vote:
"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
2014-03-30 03:02:51 PM  
1 vote:

shanrick: Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish.


Well, if he's not worthy of divine intervention..
 
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