If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Guardian)   Do you really want your grandchildren fighting over who gets your dildo?   (theguardian.com) divider line 92
    More: Sick, sex toys  
•       •       •

11083 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Mar 2014 at 9:45 PM (16 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



92 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-03-29 08:34:06 PM
Yes. While I watch.
 
2014-03-29 08:49:48 PM
I only have one grandchild so far, and I was fighting over a stainless steel bowl set and two steel lids on the kitchen floor with him today.

He's just shy of a year and a half old, but my money's on him.
 
2014-03-29 08:52:04 PM
Your days are dwindling and you don't want your children to find those rubbery items you hid at the back of the wardrobe

If you think for a second that your children have not rifled everything you own (and sometimes in sight of their friends), you're not only delusional, but also forgetful.
 
2014-03-29 08:55:06 PM
The dildo, nor my dildo. Just sayin'.
 
2014-03-29 09:00:14 PM

Barfmaker: The dildo, nor my dildo. Just sayin'.


"A dildo, a dildo, my kingdom for a dildo".

- One of those English King Billys or something
 
2014-03-29 09:03:52 PM

Marcus Aurelius: Barfmaker: The dildo, nor my dildo. Just sayin'.

"A dildo, a dildo, my kingdom for a dildo".

- One of those English King Billys

Dicks or something

/ftfm
//wtf is wong with me
///willy
 
2014-03-29 09:15:02 PM
Do you see a sink in there?
 
2014-03-29 09:23:36 PM
Since I don't have any kids I'm donating my anal beads and cock rings to charity.
 
2014-03-29 09:26:07 PM

Barfmaker: The dildo, nor my dildo. Just sayin'.


We're careful not to imply ownership in the event of a dildo.
 
2014-03-29 09:27:50 PM

fusillade762: Since I don't have any kids I'm donating my anal beads and cock rings to charity.


Charity probably already has a goddam drawerful.  When you're about a year from cashing it in, go to Mardi Gras and throw 'em.
 
2014-03-29 09:45:16 PM
Since I don't own a dildo, should I consider what to do with my cock and ball rings?
 
2014-03-29 09:48:45 PM
I bequeef my dildos to someone else's grandchildren to fight over.
 
2014-03-29 09:51:13 PM

skinink: I bequeef my dildos to someone else's grandchildren to fight over.


Heheheheheheh.
 
2014-03-29 09:52:18 PM
Not only am I NOT throwing away my sex toys out some misplaced sense of shame but I plan to have a grand collection by the time I pass. The more embarrassing and mind boggling it would be for them to find it the better. I will have myself a good chuckle thinking about the looks on their faces when they find my stash.
 
2014-03-29 09:53:06 PM

Marcus Aurelius: I only have one grandchild so far, and I was fighting over a stainless steel bowl set and two steel lids on the kitchen floor with him today.

He's just shy of a year and a half old, but my money's on him.


I want some grandkids to plays pans with dammit.
 
2014-03-29 09:56:41 PM
That would require kids; which would require that some of us reproduce. Do you want that?
 
2014-03-29 10:00:31 PM
If I'm dead, what would it matter? I suppose I could have my will state that I want my item of choice mailed to the German PM. Just for a WTF moment.
 
2014-03-29 10:01:22 PM
The first time I read this, I was laughing too hard to breathe.
 
2014-03-29 10:01:32 PM
In other news, baby boomers are morons
 
2014-03-29 10:01:41 PM
"It tastes like grandma!"
"Holy Moses! It does taste like grandma!"
 
2014-03-29 10:05:29 PM
Depends, how diamond encrusted is it?
 
2014-03-29 10:06:55 PM
i18.photobucket.com
 
2014-03-29 10:07:01 PM
Paging Nana's Vibrator...
 
2014-03-29 10:07:04 PM
As someone who's cleaned out a grandparent's house, I can say they'll get over it.  I got over finding their lust (not love) letters.  A couple toys and a small porn stash is not a big deal after that.  Unless you die in a car crash when they're 10, your kids have figured out how they were made and probably made some of their own.
 
2014-03-29 10:08:11 PM
i90.photobucket.com
 
2014-03-29 10:08:26 PM

Sirlan: "It tastes like grandma!"
"Holy Moses! It does taste like grandma!"


And right when I was eating crispy fish filets too, you bastard.
 
2014-03-29 10:09:15 PM
A caring grandparent would be cremated and turned into a dildo to stay close to the family
 
2014-03-29 10:09:21 PM
Stupid frickin article.
It was given to her a long time ago by some dude she liked
She never?, used it, not even with him it seems
She speaks poorly of it
Yet she feels the need to write an entire article, about whether to throw away said sex toy that is buried somewhere deep inside a big closet

I look foward to the days after I am dead
People that knew me will be searching thru my stuff
I'd give God a quarter to allow me to look down on them and watch their reactions
 
2014-03-29 10:10:08 PM

macross87: If I'm dead, what would it matter? I suppose I could have my will state that I want my item of choice mailed to the German PM. Just for a WTF moment.


First thing Monday morning my attorney is going to get a call about adding a very unusual codicil to my will, thanks for the idea.
 
2014-03-29 10:10:40 PM
It's thoughtless and incredibly tacky to leave behind embarrassing items like sex toys for your children or grandchildren to deal with after you die, unless of course it was a sudden and unexpected death. It's also horrific to throw these things away or recycle them, and let's face it, the used sex toy market isn't that strong these days, with the economy being what it is. Sure you could regift them, but when you're that age, you've only got so many friends and after awhile it gets to the point where you're all playing musical chairs trying to offload as many of your sex toys as possible before your time is up. Nobody wants to be the last of their social group to pass away.

This is why I simply refashion my sex toys into art pieces and decorations for the home and garden. You can shove a row of dildos into the ground to make an attractive border around your azaleas. Electric vibrators can be used as agitators in outdoor ponds, they help oxygenate the water and stimulate your koi. Cock rings have dozens of uses for home organization. With a few anal beads and some pine cones, you can whip up a spectacular Fall centerpiece that will be sure to delight your dinner guests.
 
2014-03-29 10:11:56 PM
Meh, our 20 year old daughter knows we have toys, and knows we enjoy the old in and out from time to time.  She isn't too grossed out by it, of course she's smart enough not to think about it. ;)

I would be shocked if I found toys at my parent's place, but not in a negative way.  Just in a "They sure had me fooled" way.

News flash:  Old people have sex, and the youngsters just need to deal with it.
 
2014-03-29 10:14:03 PM
If you stick with the produce aisle you don't have to worry about it.
 
2014-03-29 10:14:59 PM

JoieD'Zen: Marcus Aurelius: I only have one grandchild so far, and I was fighting over a stainless steel bowl set and two steel lids on the kitchen floor with him today.

He's just shy of a year and a half old, but my money's on him.

I want some grandkids to plays pans with dammit.



* Sprinkles Grandchild Fairy Dust over JoieD'Zen *

Now that's what I call living long and prospering.

/may the present company do the same
 
2014-03-29 10:16:11 PM
I stopped reading when she started caring about breaking recycling laws
 
2014-03-29 10:16:54 PM
Yeah, it's a great dildo.  Any one of them would be lucky to have it.
 
2014-03-29 10:25:18 PM

MisterTweak: The first time I read this, I was laughing too hard to breathe.


That was awesome!

Zombie Dust is tasty, even out the nostrils.
/not recommended
 
2014-03-29 10:26:06 PM
www.shinyshiny.tv
en.terra.com

Really it depends on how expensive the item in question is.
 
2014-03-29 10:28:09 PM

MrHappyRotter: It's thoughtless and incredibly tacky to leave behind embarrassing items like sex toys for your children or grandchildren to deal with after you die, unless of course it was a sudden and unexpected death. It's also horrific to throw these things away or recycle them, and let's face it, the used sex toy market isn't that strong these days, with the economy being what it is. Sure you could regift them, but when you're that age, you've only got so many friends and after awhile it gets to the point where you're all playing musical chairs trying to offload as many of your sex toys as possible before your time is up. Nobody wants to be the last of their social group to pass away.

This is why I simply refashion my sex toys into art pieces and decorations for the home and garden. You can shove a row of dildos into the ground to make an attractive border around your azaleas. Electric vibrators can be used as agitators in outdoor ponds, they help oxygenate the water and stimulate your koi. Cock rings have dozens of uses for home organization. With a few anal beads and some pine cones, you can whip up a spectacular Fall centerpiece that will be sure to delight your dinner guests.


Been watching Martha Stewart again?
 
2014-03-29 10:29:46 PM

God-is-a-Taco: A caring grandparent would be cremated and turned into a dildo to stay close to the family


Grandma always did love getting into other people's business.
 
2014-03-29 10:31:04 PM

the_celt: Since I don't own a dildo, should I consider what to do with my cock and ball rings?


Make them into Christmas tree ornaments and see how long it is before anyone notices.

/can you make a garland out of anal beads?
 
2014-03-29 10:34:15 PM

MrHappyRotter: It's thoughtless and incredibly tacky to leave behind embarrassing items like sex toys for your children or grandchildren to deal with after you die, unless of course it was a sudden and unexpected death. It's also horrific to throw these things away or recycle them, and let's face it, the used sex toy market isn't that strong these days, with the economy being what it is. Sure you could regift them, but when you're that age, you've only got so many friends and after awhile it gets to the point where you're all playing musical chairs trying to offload as many of your sex toys as possible before your time is up. Nobody wants to be the last of their social group to pass away.

This is why I simply refashion my sex toys into art pieces and decorations for the home and garden. You can shove a row of dildos into the ground to make an attractive border around your azaleas. Electric vibrators can be used as agitators in outdoor ponds, they help oxygenate the water and stimulate your koi. Cock rings have dozens of uses for home organization. With a few anal beads and some pine cones, you can whip up a spectacular Fall centerpiece that will be sure to delight your dinner guests.


Nice
 
2014-03-29 10:37:25 PM
img.fark.net
 
2014-03-29 10:37:48 PM
How To Display The Dildo Of The United States Of America


1. When the dildo is displayed over the middle of the street, it should be suspended vertically with the union to the north in an east and west street or to the east in a north and south street.


2. The dildo of the United States of America, when it is displayed with another dildo against a wall from crossed staffs, should be on the right, the dildo's own right and its staff should be in front of the staff of the other dildo.


3. The dildo, when flown at half-staff, should be first hoisted to the peak for an instant and then lowered to the half-staff position. The dildo should be again raised to the peak before it is lowered for the day. By "half-staff" is meant lowering the dildo to one-half the distance between the top and bottom of the staff. Crepe streamers may be affixed to spear heads or dildostaffs in a parade only by order of the President of the United States.


4. When dildoes of States, cities, or localities, or pennants of societies are flown on the same halyard with the dildo of the United States, the latter should always be at the peak. When the dildoes are flown from adjacent staffs, the dildo of the United States should be hoisted first and lowered last. No such dildo or pennant may be placed above the dildo of the United States or to the right of the dildo of the United States (the viewer's left). When the dildo is half-masted, both dildoes are half-masted, with the US dildo at the mid-point and the other dildo below.


5. When the dildo is suspended over a sidewalk from a rope extending from a house to a pole at the edge of the sidewalk, the dildo should be hoisted out, union first, from the building.


6. When the dildo of the United States is displayed from a staff projecting horizontally or at an angle from the window sill, balcony, or front of a building, the union of the dildo should be placed at the peak of the staff unless the dildo is at half-staff.


7. When the dildo is used to cover a casket, it should be so placed that the union is at the head and over the left shoulder. The dildo should not be lowered into the grave or allowed to touch the ground.


8. When the dildo is displayed in a manner other than by being flown from a staff, it should be displayed flat, whether indoors or out. When displayed either horizontally or vertically against a wall, the union should be uppermost and to the dildo's own right, that is, to the observer's left. When displayed in a window it should be displayed in the same way, that is with the union or blue field to the left of the observer in the street. When festoons, rosettes or drapings are desired, bunting of blue, white and red should be used, but never the dildo.


9. That the dildo, when carried in a procession with another dildo, or dildoes, should be either on the marching right; that is, the dildo's own right, or, if there is a line of other dildoes, in front of the center of that line.


10. The dildo of the United States of America should be at the center and at the highest point of the group when a number of dildoes of States or localities or pennants of societies are grouped and displayed from staffs.


11. When dildoes of two or more nations are displayed, they are to be flown from separate staffs of the same height. The dildoes should be of approximately equal size. International usage forbids the display of the dildo of one nation above that of another nation in time of peace.


12. When displayed from a staff in a church or public auditorium on or off a podium, the dildo of the United States of America should hold the position of superior prominence, in advance of the audience, and in the position of honor at the clergyman's or speaker's right as he faces the audience. Any other dildo so displayed should be placed on the left of the clergyman or speaker (to the right of the audience).


13. When the dildo is displayed on a car, the staff shall be fixed firmly to the chassis or clamped to the right fender.


14. When hung in a window where it is viewed from the street, place the union at the head and over the left shoulder.
 
2014-03-29 10:42:15 PM
They'll just find a new use for it ...

img.fark.net
 
2014-03-29 10:46:54 PM
The Old Lady just had a great idea, take our mature bonds and stuff em into the battery compartment of her old dildos, hell she has one old triple D cell one that could hold about twenty grand, no self respecting burglar would go near it, and the kid will really earn his inheritance having to retrieve it from that monster (especially if she smears it with chocolate lube after stashing the dough in it)
 
2014-03-29 10:47:05 PM
Her dildo goes the other way

img.fark.net
 
2014-03-29 10:49:22 PM
I am not going to have grandchildren.  Which just makes me wonder who (assuming my husband dies first) is going to find my dildo/vibrator when I die?
 
2014-03-29 10:50:27 PM
there's money in the banana...stand
 
2014-03-29 10:51:05 PM

Mega Steve: [img.fark.net image 465x364]


i have to concur with the with gentleman that is high on cocaine.
 
2014-03-29 10:51:31 PM

Ghastly: Yes. While I watch.


[nowthisicanfapto.jpg]
 
Displayed 50 of 92 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report