If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Longmont Times-Call)   Boulder, Colorado officials are thinking about creating their own fecal DNA database to catch owners who don't pick up their dogs' poop   (timescall.com) divider line 52
    More: Strange, DNA database, DNA, officials, dogs, dog waste  
•       •       •

894 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Mar 2014 at 8:41 AM (30 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



52 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-03-29 08:44:29 AM  
Take this, Caturday!

biatchday?
 
2014-03-29 08:48:52 AM  
sounds like a wise and cost effective plan.
 
2014-03-29 08:50:11 AM  
They've been smoking too much weed and are caught up in the...minutiae.
 
2014-03-29 08:54:14 AM  

beverly8: sounds like a wise and cost effective shiatty plan.


FTFY
 
2014-03-29 09:00:57 AM  
Boulder is a HOA, run by HOA people. There, I said it
 
2014-03-29 09:01:40 AM  
yeah and three years down the road we find out there are hundreds of poop kits that were never test.
 
2014-03-29 09:08:05 AM  
Too much Big Brother in my view.
 
2014-03-29 09:08:08 AM  

alechemist: yeah and three years down the road we find out there are hundreds of poop kits that were never test.


Not only that - people could just pick up some random dog poop for the database and throw them off the scent.
 
2014-03-29 09:08:36 AM  
You'd have to be stoned to acquire the DNA "sample" in the first place. Have the vet stick a little spoon up your dogs ass for $100 (you need a professional chain of custody) and then get the sample analyzed for $250.

Then you need to hire the certified HundScheißexpert to travel from place to place with his box of spoons and little round containers and decontamination equipment in case he unwittingly transfers doggie plague from place to place.

Here's my solution. Lots of environmentally friendly paper bags with the slogan "Help stamp out dog poop!" Fill 'em with a sample, and set one at each front door in the neighborhood. Make sure the spot is well lit.

img.fark.net
 
2014-03-29 09:09:15 AM  
If aliens ever come to Earth, they are going to think dogs are the superior species since we pickup their dog shiat.

/our neighbor's dog runs wild and shiats in everyone else's yard, so I take a shovel and fling the poo back into his yard
 
2014-03-29 09:10:06 AM  

lindalouwho: They've been smoking too much weed and are caught up in the...minutiae.


Man, what is in this shiat, man?

s3.postimg.org
Mostly Maui Waui man, but it's got some Labrador in it
 
2014-03-29 09:11:00 AM  
As much as I hate it when people leave their pet's sh*t everywhere, I can't see as how this would be a very cost-effective method of curbing the behavior.
 
2014-03-29 09:12:37 AM  
Mother Abigail has gone too far this time!
 
2014-03-29 09:14:51 AM  
Is it really *that* much of a problem?

Even when I lived in the city, I never saw dogshiat laying around everwhere.  Sure, there were some piles here and there, but nothing to get all constipated about.
 
2014-03-29 09:15:48 AM  
Sounds like it's for people who's dogs have green tags. Green tags allow dogs off leash. To get one you have to show that your dog follows voice commands. Now it will also include a stool sample.

It doesn't sound very feasible, but they'd just hike the fee on the dog owner.
 
2014-03-29 09:17:40 AM  

BitwiseShift: You'd have to be stoned to acquire the DNA "sample" in the first place. Have the vet stick a little spoon up your dogs ass for $100 (you need a professional chain of custody) and then get the sample analyzed for $250.

Then you need to hire the certified HundScheißexpert to travel from place to place with his box of spoons and little round containers and decontamination equipment in case he unwittingly transfers doggie plague from place to place.

Here's my solution. Lots of environmentally friendly paper bags with the slogan "Help stamp out dog poop!" Fill 'em with a sample, and set one at each front door in the neighborhood. Make sure the spot is well lit.


I like the way you think.

/switched-out my spoon for a fork to finish my oatmeal
 
2014-03-29 09:17:51 AM  
I have an idea.  Why not get some people who say, work at the area trails to, I don't know, walk around and clean up the poop.  I have seen plenty of Parks department people cleaning up trash from the floor.  Are they just to high over there to consider picking them up.  Or how about this, leave some trash cans around for people to dump the poop in.
 
2014-03-29 09:18:21 AM  
My cousin just moved to Boulder with his pooches. I bet he loves this.
 
2014-03-29 09:22:13 AM  
White people police force problems?

Maybe they can reduce the size of their police force....they appear to not have enough to do. Their budget could shrink as well...

/lol jk, that'll never happen
 
2014-03-29 09:23:09 AM  
A bunch of apartment complexes around here already do this. It works on that scale, but I can't see a whole city making it work.
Then again, it is the peoples' republic of Boulder.
 
2014-03-29 09:25:50 AM  

willfullyobscure: Boulder is a HOA, run by HOA people. There, I said it


img3.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-03-29 09:35:40 AM  
See?!
Hippies are fascists, too!
 
2014-03-29 09:36:34 AM  
/I know, I know. It's a public health thing.
//Dog owner and walker.
 
2014-03-29 09:37:19 AM  
Sounds like a good use of manpower.

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2014-03-29 09:39:03 AM  
Fortunately DNA testing is dirt cheap.
 
2014-03-29 09:43:18 AM  

edmo: Fortunately DNA testing is dirt cheap.


No kidding. It's not like they're sequencing the dog genome. They're getting a "poop print."

Next up: Courageous Boulderites fight for their dogs' 4th Amendment rights
 
2014-03-29 09:44:23 AM  

linemanbear: If aliens ever come to Earth, they are going to think dogs are the superior species since we pickup their dog shiat.

/our neighbor's dog runs wild and shiats in everyone else's yard, so I take a shovel and fling the poo back into his yard


Just beat the dog with the shovel instead; solves the problem permanently.
 
2014-03-29 09:47:27 AM  

Cerebral Ballsy: linemanbear: If aliens ever come to Earth, they are going to think dogs are the superior species since we pickup their dog shiat.

/our neighbor's dog runs wild and shiats in everyone else's yard, so I take a shovel and fling the poo back into his yard

Just beat the dog with the shovel instead; solves the problem permanently.


can't...breathe.....choking on..tea...
 
2014-03-29 09:52:02 AM  
When I figure out which neighbor keeps allowing their little yap-dog to crap all over our sidewalk, I plan to epoxy some novelty dog poop to their front steps.
 
2014-03-29 10:10:38 AM  
Wow, Boulder loves them some rules, huh?
 
2014-03-29 10:17:19 AM  

lindalouwho: Cerebral Ballsy: linemanbear: If aliens ever come to Earth, they are going to think dogs are the superior species since we pickup their dog shiat.

/our neighbor's dog runs wild and shiats in everyone else's yard, so I take a shovel and fling the poo back into his yard

Just beat the dog with the shovel instead; solves the problem permanently.

can't...breathe.....choking on..tea...


I was worried people would take that seriously and be outraged. :)
 
2014-03-29 10:20:11 AM  
Now to catch the people wiping their boogers on the bathroom stall.
 
2014-03-29 10:21:11 AM  
I've lived in CO for over 20 years and, yeah, Boulder sucks.
 
2014-03-29 10:29:57 AM  
This has the makings of a terrific CSI spinoff -- NPCSI (National Poop CSI).  Hey, maybe they could get William Peterson to come back -- he hasn't been doing shiat for quite some time.
 
2014-03-29 10:41:21 AM  
I need to move there.  They must not have any real problems.  Dog crap gets that much official and private attention?

"Patrick Murphy, who once earned the nickname "Pooperazzi" for his diligence in documenting dog waste on Boulder's open space"

Really? You have so much expendable time and money that you spend it documenting dog crap?

The article reads like a satire of a community of the idle rich.

A park where I run has signs about dog poop and free plastic bags every 100 ft.  Still there's dog poop everywhere.  It's a minor annoyance that causes me some swearing and shoe hosing.  It never occurred to me that the government should initiate a huge program to ID the poop.

I don't know if I should feel encouraged that the country is in such good shape that there are companies who do DNA tracking of dog crap, or feel depressed that I'm not so free of real problems that dog doo rises to the top of my list.
 
2014-03-29 10:54:25 AM  
Just Boulder being Boulder. And Subby fails, Boulder doesn't have dog owners, they have dog guardians.
 
2014-03-29 10:57:45 AM  
Anyone let's their dog crap outside without cleaning it up should be put to death.  I get that it sounds extreme, but I promise you, the world would be better off.
 
2014-03-29 11:07:29 AM  

Ow! That was my feelings!: Just Boulder being Boulder. And Subby fails, Boulder doesn't have dog owners, they have dog guardians.


Farkin' Boulder has bear guardians.  My ex became one.  Easier than living with me, I reckon.

/spits tobacco juice, adjusts hat brim and gun belt
 
2014-03-29 11:38:23 AM  
Before I moved to Colorado, I kept hearing about how Denver and Boulder were both so dog friendly. But now that I'm here, I've never been in such a dog unfriendly place in my life.

Between Denver's program to kill certain breeds on sight and Boulder's lengthy and bizarre rules for how your dog must behave in public (a standard which no dog I've ever met can achieve), I'm convinced that people here really, really hate dogs.

Boulder's rules alone basically give them air cover to punish dogs or people they don't like. When everyone breaks the green tag law (it's nearly impossible to follow because it essentially requires that dogs behave like polite people at all times and never ever do anything dog-like even once), you can enforce it arbitrarily against whomever you want.
 
2014-03-29 11:40:19 AM  

Fark_Guy_Rob: Anyone let's their dog crap outside without cleaning it up should be put to death.  I get that it sounds extreme, but I promise you, the world would be better off.


Yet we can't get DNA tests made available for the people we already have on Death Row. What a country!

/koyaanisqatsi
 
2014-03-29 11:43:27 AM  

willfullyobscure: Boulder is a HOA, run by HOA people. There, I said it


You are not wrong
There are more covens in Boulder per capita than anywhere else
Just revise the HOA and you're on target

/lived in Boulder 10 years
 
2014-03-29 11:56:21 AM  

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: Fark_Guy_Rob: Anyone let's their dog crap outside without cleaning it up should be put to death.  I get that it sounds extreme, but I promise you, the world would be better off.

Yet we can't get DNA tests made available for the people we already have on Death Row. What a country!

/koyaanisqatsi


Depressing flick. Great soundtrack.
 
2014-03-29 12:10:03 PM  

Fark_Guy_Rob: Anyone let's their dog crap outside without cleaning it up should be put to death.  I get that it sounds extreme, but I promise you, the world would be better off.


I can't disagree with this. I have two dogs. I bring at least six poop bags with me on every walk just in case they each go multiple times. Do I enjoy cleaning up poop? Of course not. No one does. But it's part of being a responsible dog owner, and more to the point...a good neighbor.

Most people wont just dump their trash on your lawn, but they think nothing of letting their dog poop there and walking away. I don't get it.
 
2014-03-29 12:11:54 PM  
They did such a farking incompetent job on the Jon Benet Ramsay case, I doubt the Boulder cops are even qualified to sniff dog poop.
 
2014-03-29 12:44:39 PM  
I like dogs, I really do. But those people that walk them along sideqwalks, arroyos and let them ru n loose, are gonna get theier comeuppance soon enough.We can only do so much,. In the village and in town, numerous locations have waste disposal points, as well as bags, but some owners can't be bothered with it.I've seen plenty of times people dogs just go on the side of the sidewalk, owners acting indifferent about it, even as you see it happening. I think the idea of having a culpabilty factor involed that can be proven is good.
Yes, I do live in an HOA, and it is not my responsibilty to provide care for your pet. I remember when we used to live in Texas, we had  community mailbox on the corner of our property, people would walk their dogs there. We told numerous people not to, they ignored us. Until we put cayenne pepper on the area around the mail box. Then that stopped.
For a lot of people, if they can't take care of a dog properly, that may be a reason why your kids don't call or visit.
In addition to a "Child Protective Services" authority, we should have a "Dog Protective Services"organization, funded by owners..
So, if you say you can't afford it, you shouldn't have a dog.
Like when 7 years ago, a dog ran out in the street in front of my car, no tags, nothing, I hit and killed it, the owner of the dog was upset that I killed the dog. But when I started about who was going to pay for the damage to my then new car, they decided to disavow any knowledge of the animal in order to minimize their liability. Real classy.
 
2014-03-29 01:21:05 PM  
Dog poop is part of the carbon cycle assholes. Why do you hate nature?
 
2014-03-29 01:38:16 PM  
In Austin every trail I mountain bike on is lined with green bags of dog shiat. They bag it then leave it.
I'd love to bust those A-holes. Go Boulder.
 
2014-03-29 01:51:47 PM  
But horse shiat is OK.

/go on, try to make a horse owner pick up horse shiat.
 
2014-03-29 02:15:23 PM  

WanPhat: Really? You have so much expendable time and money that you spend it documenting dog crap?


This. Dear lord, i know they just legalized it, but that's still no excuse boulder...
 
2014-03-29 02:22:16 PM  

bamwa: In Austin every trail I mountain bike on is lined with green bags of dog shiat. They bag it then leave it.
I'd love to bust those A-holes. Go Boulder.



Those bags are a bane and bad for the environment.

Aside from removing waste from someone else's property and out of walking paths, it's probably best to let the critters shiat in the woods as nature deals with the issue quite readily.


It's like animals have been shiatting in the open for millionsthousands of years.
 
Displayed 50 of 52 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report