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(STV.tv)   If you want to remain as the family pet, maybe best not repeatedly shout the name of your owner's dead wife at his new partner   (news.stv.tv) divider line 74
    More: Strange, self-harm  
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6683 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Mar 2014 at 6:23 PM (44 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



74 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-03-28 02:42:22 PM  
I was really, really hoping this story was about a dog.
 
2014-03-28 05:00:12 PM  
That PBS show about parrots and all of the owners that abandon them was pretty depressing.

Don't get a parrot, people. Just don't.
 
2014-03-28 05:36:37 PM  

Lando Lincoln: That PBS show about parrots and all of the owners that abandon them was pretty depressing.

Don't get a parrot, people. Just don't.


Yep.

They're social, smart, and live forever.

Even if you take good care of it, it's cruel.
 
2014-03-28 05:39:18 PM  

impaler: Lando Lincoln: That PBS show about parrots and all of the owners that abandon them was pretty depressing.

Don't get a parrot, people. Just don't.

Yep.

They're social, smart, and live forever.

Even if you take good care of it, it's cruel.


Fark you, I want my mouthy parrot! *starts flipping through Craigslist*
 
2014-03-28 06:26:53 PM  

Lando Lincoln: That PBS show about parrots and all of the owners that abandon them was pretty depressing.

Don't get a parrot, people. Just don't.


I would never own a bird.  Birds are meant to fly.
 
2014-03-28 06:27:44 PM  

Lando Lincoln: That PBS show about parrots and all of the owners that abandon them was pretty depressing.

Don't get a parrot, people. Just don't.


If you do, get one from somebody that's trying to get rid of it.
 
2014-03-28 06:28:07 PM  
'Lovely plummage, the African Grey'.

/got nothing
//messy birds
 
2014-03-28 06:29:09 PM  

peacheslatour: Lando Lincoln: That PBS show about parrots and all of the owners that abandon them was pretty depressing.

Don't get a parrot, people. Just don't.

I would never own a bird.  Birds are meant to fly.


OK, who here did not read that in Morgan Freeman's voice?

You know you did.
 
2014-03-28 06:30:01 PM  

peacheslatour: Lando Lincoln: That PBS show about parrots and all of the owners that abandon them was pretty depressing.

Don't get a parrot, people. Just don't.

I would never own a bird.  Birds are meant to fly.


Fish are meant to swim, cats are meant to hunt, etc. Pet ownership is cruel if you look at it in a certain light but you could also say that if the animal doesn't know any differently, it's probably happy.
 
2014-03-28 06:31:54 PM  

Cagey B: I was really, really hoping this story was about a dog.


A dog would just tell everyone how your mother likes it, Trebek.
 
2014-03-28 06:32:36 PM  

Lt. Cheese Weasel: peacheslatour: Lando Lincoln: That PBS show about parrots and all of the owners that abandon them was pretty depressing.

Don't get a parrot, people. Just don't.

I would never own a bird.  Birds are meant to fly.

OK, who here did not read that in Morgan Freeman's voice?

You know you did.


I did now
 
2014-03-28 06:33:23 PM  
Birds are a lot more responsibility than most other pets...i brought one home from work (pet clinic) to nurse back to health. Odds are 50/50 at best.
 
2014-03-28 06:35:26 PM  
I like teaching birds to ask for blowjobs.
 
2014-03-28 06:38:17 PM  
The bird's vet has prescribed him 0.1ml of Amitriptyline a day - the same form of prozac which is also given to humans.

Are they using prozac as a general term for antidepressant? I've never heard it used that way, at least not in the U.S., and Prozac is not the same drug as Amitriptyline.
 
2014-03-28 06:38:23 PM  

peacheslatour: I would never own a bird.  Birds are meant to fly.


Agreed.

www.elkcreekhuntclub.com
 
2014-03-28 06:38:49 PM  
Paulie......
 
2014-03-28 06:39:39 PM  

Cagey B: I was really, really hoping this story was about a dog.


ya, it's not?
 
2014-03-28 06:44:03 PM  
For the life of me, I don't understand why you would do that to an animal.
 
2014-03-28 06:44:54 PM  
I got nothing against Jerry Reed, but this song by George Jones seems to fit TFA better.

/May they both rest in peace
 
2014-03-28 06:46:29 PM  

Smeggy Smurf: I like teaching birds to ask for blowjobs.


Yea, had a college friend with a Grey, all it ever said was 'Gimme a hit!'  Stupid bird...stupider owner.
 
2014-03-28 06:48:37 PM  
So the parrot was yelling out "Doggystyle"?
 
2014-03-28 06:49:45 PM  
"Jesus is watching you,"
 
2014-03-28 06:50:56 PM  

Satanic_Hamster: For the life of me, I don't understand why you would do that to an animal.


Satanic_Hamster can't come up with a reason to treat an animal badly? Hm, what if the animal is some kind of rodent, and it's acting like it's, I don't know, possessed by something, and...
 
2014-03-28 06:51:49 PM  
Sarah smiles.
 
2014-03-28 06:52:29 PM  

Ihaveanevilparrot: The bird's vet has prescribed him 0.1ml of Amitriptyline a day - the same form of prozac which is also given to humans.

Are they using prozac as a general term for antidepressant? I've never heard it used that way, at least not in the U.S., and Prozac is not the same drug as Amitriptyline.


Someone needs to create a chart that shows how all anti-depression pills are "Prozac" to the media.  Like all handguns are Glocks and all rifles are AK-47s.
 
2014-03-28 06:54:21 PM  

brimed03: Ihaveanevilparrot: The bird's vet has prescribed him 0.1ml of Amitriptyline a day - the same form of prozac which is also given to humans.

Are they using prozac as a general term for antidepressant? I've never heard it used that way, at least not in the U.S., and Prozac is not the same drug as Amitriptyline.

Someone needs to create a chart that shows how all anti-depression pills are "Prozac" to the media.  Like all handguns are Glocks and all rifles are AK-47s.


And all dogs are pit bulls.
 
2014-03-28 06:54:26 PM  
FTA -- Ms Henley said: "I cover all kinds of problematic behaviour with parrots from swearing, to biting to feather-plucking which is essentially the birds self harming.

Yell, well better the bird be that way than the other way round.
 
2014-03-28 06:57:24 PM  
So, the part left out of the article, and really what I want to know: what happened the the a$$holes who originally put the bird alone in a dog cage in a cold, dark garage for 3 years while it slowly plucked its own feathers out?  They were shaved and left naked in widely-separated, 5x5 concrete cells 20 feet below ground level with a small, barred window in the roof during monsoon season in India, right?  Or fined, or something?
 
2014-03-28 06:58:01 PM  

haolegirl: brimed03: Ihaveanevilparrot: The bird's vet has prescribed him 0.1ml of Amitriptyline a day - the same form of prozac which is also given to humans.

Are they using prozac as a general term for antidepressant? I've never heard it used that way, at least not in the U.S., and Prozac is not the same drug as Amitriptyline.

Someone needs to create a chart that shows how all anti-depression pills are "Prozac" to the media.  Like all handguns are Glocks and all rifles are AK-47s.

And all dogs are pit bulls.


That got you a "Smart" vote.  Thanks, can't believe I missed that one.
 
2014-03-28 06:58:16 PM  
"They then started fighting over me with Roy saying 'my Elaine'."

It's ours, precious.
 
2014-03-28 07:00:19 PM  
Parrots shouldn't be kept as pets.  Ever.
 
2014-03-28 07:00:37 PM  

Lee Jackson Beauregard: I got nothing against Jerry Reed, but this song by George Jones seems to fit TFA better.

/May they both rest in peace


Oh man. Thank you. Been a long time.
 
2014-03-28 07:01:56 PM  

Super Chronic: Satanic_Hamster can't come up with a reason to treat an animal badly? Hm, what if the animal is some kind of rodent, and it's acting like it's, I don't know, possessed by something, and...


Get it a beer or Woodchuck?
 
2014-03-28 07:02:34 PM  

Satanic_Hamster: For the life of me, I don't understand why you would do that to an animal.


Because a disturbingly large percentage of us humans are foolish enough to still think that consciousness is a binary proposition, rather than a matter of degrees, and so easily rationalize treating other living creatures with stunning cruelty without so much as a second thought.

Empathy is one of humanity's greatest gifts and we do not value it enough.
 
2014-03-28 07:02:48 PM  

Prey4reign: FTA -- Ms Henley said: "I cover all kinds of problematic behaviour with parrots from swearing, to biting to feather-plucking which is essentially the birds self harming.

Yell, well better the bird be that way than the other way round.


DO NOT attempt to image-search "parrot in pleather."Oh, the things that cannot be unseen.  Oh, the NSA records that cannot be erased.
 
2014-03-28 07:04:54 PM  

brimed03: So, the part left out of the article, and really what I want to know: what happened the the a$$holes who originally put the bird alone in a dog cage in a cold, dark garage for 3 years while it slowly plucked its own feathers out?  They were shaved and left naked in widely-separated, 5x5 concrete cells 20 feet below ground level with a small, barred window in the roof during monsoon season in India, right?  Or fined, or something?


That what I was looking for. Someone needs a well placed UFIA.
 
2014-03-28 07:05:18 PM  
If you are so insecure that you can't handle an animal speaking a common name because it makes your relationship feel less valid you should probably just go die.

Hate to think what might have happened if the guy had kids who didn't want to never speak of their deceased mother again.
 
2014-03-28 07:07:53 PM  
"What did the chicken do to piss you off?"
 
2014-03-28 07:08:24 PM  
I've had a Congo African Grey for sixteen years so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.  Our Gandalf says dozens of phrases and uses them in contextually correct situations.  She laughs, chuckles, snorts, giggles, farts, kisses, barks, meows, clucks like a chicken and beeps like the microwave.  She says "bye bye go to work" when I leave in the morning and says "Hi Mom" to my wife but never to me.  Without a doubt she'll out live me.  For that reason alone we never ever taught her stuff that would make her un-adoptable.

That British slag should rot in hell for what she did to that bird.
 
2014-03-28 07:10:56 PM  
Sometimes I really hate people......and I'm a people person.
 
2014-03-28 07:13:18 PM  
" ... I turn 'round and my dead wife's upstairs;
She's still wearing flares.
She talks out loud but no one hears."
 
2014-03-28 07:17:22 PM  

Jument: Fish are meant to swim, cats are meant to hunt, etc.


Humans are meant to live naked on the grasslands of east Africa.
 
2014-03-28 07:17:36 PM  

Arctic Phoenix: Parrots shouldn't be kept as pets.  Ever.


Unless they can do this.
 
2014-03-28 07:17:41 PM  
African grey parrots are considered to be on the emotional/intellectual level of a 7 yr. old child.  What would happen to someone who left a child caged in a dark, cold garage for three years?  The bird's former owners should be shot.
 
2014-03-28 07:19:00 PM  

subsetzero: I've had a Congo African Grey for sixteen years so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.  Our Gandalf says dozens of phrases and uses them in contextually correct situations.  She laughs, chuckles, snorts, giggles, farts, kisses, barks, meows, clucks like a chicken and beeps like the microwave.  She says "bye bye go to work" when I leave in the morning and says "Hi Mom" to my wife but never to me.  Without a doubt she'll out live me.  For that reason alone we never ever taught her stuff that would make her un-adoptable.

That British slag should rot in hell for what she did to that bird.


You win an internets. Nice people deserve recognitions too.
 
2014-03-28 07:20:12 PM  
FTA Fark off Milo
 
2014-03-28 07:22:59 PM  

Cagey B: I was really, really hoping this story was about a dog.


That would be rough.
 
2014-03-28 07:23:19 PM  
If I could ever have cats and a bird, I'd want a grey.  I know they're smart, or at least quick to pick up their environmentals sounds and have some intelligence....unfortunately, my cats would never let it be.
Siamese and a Maine coon, mean cat biatches........
 
2014-03-28 07:23:41 PM  
Parrots are great. Not as pets, per se, but they're almost as smart as crows and they can speak any human language.
 
2014-03-28 07:25:34 PM  

Satanic_Hamster: Super Chronic: Satanic_Hamster can't come up with a reason to treat an animal badly? Hm, what if the animal is some kind of rodent, and it's acting like it's, I don't know, possessed by something, and...

Get it a beer or Woodchuck?


I don't know about hamsters (I was only 9 when I got mine), but I know plenty of rats who like Woodchuck.
 
2014-03-28 07:29:00 PM  
big.assets.huffingtonpost.com
 
msP
2014-03-28 07:29:26 PM  

subsetzero: I've had a Congo African Grey for sixteen years so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.  Our Gandalf says dozens of phrases and uses them in contextually correct situations.  She laughs, chuckles, snorts, giggles, farts, kisses, barks, meows, clucks like a chicken and beeps like the microwave.  She says "bye bye go to work" when I leave in the morning and says "Hi Mom" to my wife but never to me.  Without a doubt she'll out live me.  For that reason alone we never ever taught her stuff that would make her un-adoptable.

That British slag should rot in hell for what she did to that bird.


I dunno, a parrot that came with all my favorite swear words pre-programmed would be a selling point.
 
2014-03-28 07:29:47 PM  

doglover: Parrots are great. Not as pets, per se, but they're almost as smart as crows and they can speak mimic any human language.

  Sorry, but that had to be corrected.
 
2014-03-28 07:31:09 PM  

msP: subsetzero: I've had a Congo African Grey for sixteen years so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.  Our Gandalf says dozens of phrases and uses them in contextually correct situations.  She laughs, chuckles, snorts, giggles, farts, kisses, barks, meows, clucks like a chicken and beeps like the microwave.  She says "bye bye go to work" when I leave in the morning and says "Hi Mom" to my wife but never to me.  Without a doubt she'll out live me.  For that reason alone we never ever taught her stuff that would make her un-adoptable.

That British slag should rot in hell for what she did to that bird.

I dunno, a parrot that came with all my favorite swear words pre-programmed would be a selling point.


You're missing the pernt.  You want a clean slate, so to speak...the bird evolves in your world, becomes a real part of it.
 
2014-03-28 07:32:12 PM  
It's better than having Peter Griffin teach it awkward words.

Clicky.
 
2014-03-28 07:37:39 PM  

Phony_Soldier: [big.assets.huffingtonpost.com image 400x400]

 
Well, there goes having chicken for dinner tonight....
 
2014-03-28 07:39:37 PM  
Headline also works if you replace "the family pet" with "husband" and "at his new partner" with "during orgasm."
 
2014-03-28 07:39:53 PM  

Lt. Cheese Weasel: doglover: Parrots are great. Not as pets, per se, but they're almost as smart as crows and they can speak mimic any human language.  Sorry, but that had to be corrected.


Fark off, Milo.

Their English is better than your Mandrin.
 
2014-03-28 07:45:12 PM  
Shouldn't this have the PSA tag for Parrot Service Announcement?

/rimshot
 
2014-03-28 07:45:50 PM  

infinitydreamer: If you are so insecure that you can't handle an animal speaking a common name because it makes your relationship feel less valid you should probably just go die.


It's a good start, but I feel the need to add to it:
If you are so insecure that you can't handle an animal speaking a common name because it makes your relationship feel less valid and you handle the situation by storing the animal in a garage for three years and neglecting it instead of finding it another home, you should be taken out and shot.
 
2014-03-28 07:50:41 PM  
There are several species that speak in context. One of mine argues with me about bedtime.

As for the birds are meant to fly comments, some dipshiat decided that with 2 of my birds. Dumping south american birds on a golf course in northwest arkansas was not doing them any favors. The biggest compliment I will ever have is my human hating, wild, aggressive male sun conure fly across the house for the sole purpose of sitting on my shoulder and giving me a kiss. Birdies are awesome.
 
2014-03-28 07:57:23 PM  

subsetzero: I've had a Congo African Grey for sixteen years so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.  Our Gandalf says dozens of phrases and uses them in contextually correct situations.  She laughs, chuckles, snorts, giggles, farts, kisses, barks, meows, clucks like a chicken and beeps like the microwave.  She says "bye bye go to work" when I leave in the morning and says "Hi Mom" to my wife but never to me.  Without a doubt she'll out live me.  For that reason alone we never ever taught her stuff that would make her un-adoptable.

That British slag should rot in hell for what she did to that bird.


My grey asks "are we smoking" because I don't smoke in the house and he gets to go out with me. Tells me "we got beer here" along with the same sort of laughs and assorted sounds. He is a rescue bird. They are about as smart as a 3 year old. They do more than copy, they can put together new phrases with words they learn. Don't buy a bird like a Grey. If you are up for it, rescue a bird, do some research first they live 60 years or more.
 
2014-03-28 08:01:49 PM  
*RAWWK!* forget the condom Jamal I want it bareback *RAWWK!*
 
2014-03-28 08:21:10 PM  

Lt. Cheese Weasel: doglover: Parrots are great. Not as pets, per se, but they're almost as smart as crows and they can speak mimic any human language.  Sorry, but that had to be corrected.


Well that's ignorant.
 
2014-03-28 08:26:32 PM  
My wife and I bought a baby African Grey about 4 years ago, against my better judgement.  I was (and am) very concerned about the lifespan, and the fact that it will most certainly outlive us (we were in our 40's at the time).  Our beautiful Angel has never been clipped, and spends considerable time out of his cage (the cage is mainly for sleeping, or for those unfortunate periods of time when neither we or my adult children are home.)  He definitely has a distinct personality, the intellect of a small child, and can speak and interact FAR more than mere mimicry (i.e. if someone is eating something interesting, he will say "want some!", he will respond appropriately to various yes/no questions, he calls me an asshole if he overhears me tell my wife I'm putting the birds* to bed, etc.)

We've been very careful to do everything we can to ensure he is properly "socialized" and not a single-owner bird.  While he absolutely dotes on my wife and will gleefully suffer any indignity at her hands (belly scritches flipped on his back, hugs and kisses, etc. - basically anything you would do with a puppy) - he will tolerate and accept other people to a lesser extent, including head scritches, taking treats without biting, giving kisses to show affection, hanging out on a shoulder or knee (if sitting).  He's a good bird, not particularly aggressive, and should be adoptable when the inevitable happens.

I feel dreadfully guilty about propagating the whole "abandoned bird" syndrome, which I read a lot more about *after* we got him, much to my chagrin.  I have some land in Texas, and am seriously considering setting up some sort of sanctuary / rescue foundation when I retire in a few more years - but I guess I don't know how to get past the whole "what happens after I kick the bucket?" question.  I can't expect my kids to just automatically make it their life's mission to care for my birds, let alone other peoples'.

* We also have some budgies and cockatiels, who enjoy similar freedoms.  They aren't nearly as smart, but they are as loved.
 
2014-03-28 08:27:50 PM  

Sum Dum Gai: Jument: Fish are meant to swim, cats are meant to hunt, etc.

Humans are meant to live naked on the grasslands of east Africa.


And yet I keep getting clubbed unconscious and shipped back here.
 
PJ-
2014-03-28 08:32:26 PM  
Had a buddy who owned an African Gray, best pet ever.  You would say 'give us a show', and it would cover it's chest with it's wings, then would pull it's wings back for a show.

I shouldn't drink while working....
 
2014-03-28 08:33:03 PM  
I would have poisoned the dang thing
 
2014-03-28 09:57:28 PM  
I don't know why they didn't get rid of the parrot sooner, like give it away or something... sounds like it was mostly the dead wife's bird and the husband wasn't too into it. They must have kept feeding it since it probably couldn't have gone 3 years without eating. I guess when they noticed the bird was freaking out in the garage they finally decided it needed a new home.

My aunt had a parrot she'd adopted after its original owner had died. The bird said three things: "Hello" "Get rid of her" (in a low, grumbly tone) and "Don't fark around."
Not sure what happened to the parrot after she and my uncle divorced, though when she died a couple years ago she didn't have it anymore.
 
2014-03-28 09:58:36 PM  

SweetDickens: Paulie......


That movie was so sad
 
2014-03-28 09:58:48 PM  

thotpoizn: My wife and I bought a baby African Grey about 4 years ago, against my better judgement.  I was (and am) very concerned about the lifespan, and the fact that it will most certainly outlive us (we were in our 40's at the time).  Our beautiful Angel has never been clipped, and spends considerable time out of his cage (the cage is mainly for sleeping, or for those unfortunate periods of time when neither we or my adult children are home.)  He definitely has a distinct personality, the intellect of a small child, and can speak and interact FAR more than mere mimicry (i.e. if someone is eating something interesting, he will say "want some!", he will respond appropriately to various yes/no questions, he calls me an asshole if he overhears me tell my wife I'm putting the birds* to bed, etc.)

We've been very careful to do everything we can to ensure he is properly "socialized" and not a single-owner bird.  While he absolutely dotes on my wife and will gleefully suffer any indignity at her hands (belly scritches flipped on his back, hugs and kisses, etc. - basically anything you would do with a puppy) - he will tolerate and accept other people to a lesser extent, including head scritches, taking treats without biting, giving kisses to show affection, hanging out on a shoulder or knee (if sitting).  He's a good bird, not particularly aggressive, and should be adoptable when the inevitable happens.

I feel dreadfully guilty about propagating the whole "abandoned bird" syndrome, which I read a lot more about *after* we got him, much to my chagrin.  I have some land in Texas, and am seriously considering setting up some sort of sanctuary / rescue foundation when I retire in a few more years - but I guess I don't know how to get past the whole "what happens after I kick the bucket?" question.  I can't expect my kids to just automatically make it their life's mission to care for my birds, let alone other peoples'.

* We also have some budgies and cockatiels, who enjoy similar fre ...


My ex bought a Grey. It hated me. The ex would never clip it's wings, and would let it out of it's cage, so while I did things around the house (like the dishes), it would fly and dive bomb my head. I couldn't hold it after awhile because it just hated me. The only sound it could mimic was the ESPN breaking news sound. About two years after he got it, I broke up with him and left (for other reasons than the parrot). He had the screen door open to his apartment one day, and of course, the bird flew out. He didn't even bother to search for it. Just let it go. Was still paying down the loan he got to buy it. I hope someone captured it, but I don't know. Who knows in Ohio, really...

I still think the birds are neat, but I'd rather not get near them since now I have that obvious fear I'm going to get bit or dive bombed.
 
2014-03-28 10:50:15 PM  

Phony_Soldier: [big.assets.huffingtonpost.com image 400x400]


What has been seen, cannot be unseen
 
2014-03-29 12:34:37 AM  
This asshole should be locked in a dark garage with only a bell, for three years.
 
2014-03-29 02:51:40 AM  

brimed03: haolegirl: brimed03: Ihaveanevilparrot: The bird's vet has prescribed him 0.1ml of Amitriptyline a day - the same form of prozac which is also given to humans.

Are they using prozac as a general term for antidepressant? I've never heard it used that way, at least not in the U.S., and Prozac is not the same drug as Amitriptyline.

Someone needs to create a chart that shows how all anti-depression pills are "Prozac" to the media.  Like all handguns are Glocks and all rifles are AK-47s.

And all dogs are pit bulls.

That got you a "Smart" vote.  Thanks, can't believe I missed that one.


Hey, thanks!
 
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