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(The Raw Story)   While many take to the Internets to vent their predictable outrage that the movie "Noah" just isn't Bible-y ENOUGH, Ricky Gervais wins Twitter by congratulating Russel Crowe on his new movie saying "I hear it's even better than the book"   (rawstory.com) divider line 83
    More: Amusing, Noah, Twitter, Bibles, English, Darren Aronofsky, Ben Shapiro, online, von Trier  
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2209 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 28 Mar 2014 at 1:49 PM (17 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-03-28 12:37:08 PM
I commend the screenwriters on being able to work that into a story that is compelling. The Bible story doesn't provide much conflict
 
2014-03-28 12:43:03 PM
I saw the trailer, and I don't care what anyone says, I just don't think Waterworld needed a remake.
 
2014-03-28 01:05:47 PM

EvilEgg: I commend the screenwriters on being able to work that into a story that is compelling. The Bible story doesn't provide much conflict


It's a rip-off of the Epic of Gilgamesh from the Persians in any case.
 
2014-03-28 01:27:16 PM

qfxblog.files.wordpress.com



MAXIMUM TROLLING!


/would be a great name for a rock band
 
2014-03-28 01:33:15 PM

Marcus Aurelius: EvilEgg: I commend the screenwriters on being able to work that into a story that is compelling. The Bible story doesn't provide much conflict

It's a rip-off of the Epic of Gilgamesh from the Persians in any case.


In it's written form in Genesis  to be sure,  though there are older Iraqi sources (Old Babylonian or Sumerian maybe? Google is failing me because searches for circular ark just bring up math sites)   with essentially the same story, which is pretty much unsurprising because we are seeing increasing evidence that...okay civilization is the wrong word, but highly organized communities, existed in places like Turkey about 3000 years before the generally accepted birth of Civilization, in the Fertile Crescent.   That would turn the clock back to basically the end of the Ice Age when, we know, thanks to Dr Ballard. that there were human settlements in a wide basin with a mid sized freshwater lake in the area  the Black Sea now occupies.  At the end of the Ice Age however, an ice dam broke/melted near what is now  Istanbul (not Constantinople) and the entire area was, almost overnight deluged by water from the Mediterranean Sea.

In other words, there really WAS a great flood (not the world drowning one depicted in the bible to be sure but to the people affected by it it would have SEEMED like one)  and those that survived it would have fled in all directions settling all around the Med Basin and beyond, and you damn sure better believe something THAT traumatic would have survived in the oral traditions of nearly any tribe that lived through it.

As to the whole "Ark" aspect, the loder version of the story unearthed in Iraq gives some insight as it contains instructions for building a circular "coracle"-like  raft/boats out of local reeds, that was as big as football fields and we have evidence that that locals really did usie something like that albeit small,  to transport livestock to safer pastures when the local rivers did their annual floods
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2014-03-28 01:34:00 PM
Marcus Aurelius:

It's a rip-off of the Epic of Gilgamesh from the Persians in any case.

They stole it using Obama's time machine.
 
2014-03-28 01:53:36 PM

Sybarite: I saw the trailer, and I don't care what anyone says, I just don't think Waterworld needed a remake.


This critic's review makes it sound promising:

"Darren Aronofsky's Noah is the Old Testament on acid. It's the movie equivalent of Christian death metal.
It's an antediluvian Lord of the Rings, fist-pumping, ferocious, apocalyptic, and wet - very wet."
 
2014-03-28 01:54:55 PM
Oh how glib and sarcastic and New Yorker-y funny.

Bleh.

Anyways, that movie looks lame. It just gives off this overall impression of being a made-for-TV movie. Not sure why. It just looks like a Women's Network Sunday afternoon special or something.
 
2014-03-28 01:55:13 PM

devilEther: Sybarite: I saw the trailer, and I don't care what anyone says, I just don't think Waterworld needed a remake.

This critic's review makes it sound promising:

"Darren Aronofsky's Noah is the Old Testament on acid. It's the movie equivalent of Christian death metal.
It's an antediluvian Lord of the Rings, fist-pumping, ferocious, apocalyptic, and wet - very wet."


From what I've heard, they hammer you with the message that Noah and God are just as evil as the world that God drowns.
 
2014-03-28 01:57:10 PM
I just hope the same problems don't happen when they make a movie about Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra.
 
2014-03-28 01:59:19 PM
legacy-cdn-assets.answersingenesis.org
 
2014-03-28 02:01:26 PM

Marcus Aurelius: It's a rip-off of the Epic of Gilgamesh from the Persians in any case.


I thought it was a rip-off of Evan Almighty?
 
2014-03-28 02:01:44 PM

Magorn: Marcus Aurelius: EvilEgg: I commend the screenwriters on being able to work that into a story that is compelling. The Bible story doesn't provide much conflict

It's a rip-off of the Epic of Gilgamesh from the Persians in any case.

In it's written form in Genesis  to be sure,  though there are older Iraqi sources (Old Babylonian or Sumerian maybe? Google is failing me because searches for circular ark just bring up math sites)   with essentially the same story, which is pretty much unsurprising because we are seeing increasing evidence that...okay civilization is the wrong word, but highly organized communities, existed in places like Turkey about 3000 years before the generally accepted birth of Civilization, in the Fertile Crescent.   That would turn the clock back to basically the end of the Ice Age when, we know, thanks to Dr Ballard. that there were human settlements in a wide basin with a mid sized freshwater lake in the area  the Black Sea now occupies.  At the end of the Ice Age however, an ice dam broke/melted near what is now  Istanbul (not Constantinople) and the entire area was, almost overnight deluged by water from the Mediterranean Sea.

In other words, there really WAS a great flood (not the world drowning one depicted in the bible to be sure but to the people affected by it it would have SEEMED like one)  and those that survived it would have fled in all directions settling all around the Med Basin and beyond, and you damn sure better believe something THAT traumatic would have survived in the oral traditions of nearly any tribe that lived through it.

As to the whole "Ark" aspect, the loder version of the story unearthed in Iraq gives some insight as it contains instructions for building a circular "coracle"-like  raft/boats out of local reeds, that was as big as football fields and we have evidence that that locals really did usie something like that albeit small,  to transport livestock to safer pastures when the local rivers did their annual fl ...


There's also these 2 possibilities causing a massive tsunami

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thera_eruption
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burckle_Crater
 
2014-03-28 02:06:54 PM
Why watch Noah when there are thousands of Sodom and Gomorrah prequel reboots on xHamster?
 
2014-03-28 02:13:31 PM
"Why is Hermione checking out Gladiator's dong...and why is she suddenly being played by Lupita Nyong'O?"
 
2014-03-28 02:13:49 PM
There's a Pacific West coast Native story where the world is swamped with water and only a few people survive by climbing to the top of cedar trees to escape the waters. There's another where people survived such a flood in their boats. Archaeological records show that Vancouver Island did indeed get walloped by a massive tsunami way back when, with sea water and sea sediment being found at a certain strata rather far inland, and this is possibly connected to the stories.
 
2014-03-28 02:16:12 PM

ShadowKamui: Magorn: Marcus Aurelius: EvilEgg: I commend the screenwriters on being able to work that into a story that is compelling. The Bible story doesn't provide much conflict

It's a rip-off of the Epic of Gilgamesh from the Persians in any case.

In it's written form in Genesis  to be sure,  though there are older Iraqi sources (Old Babylonian or Sumerian maybe? Google is failing me because searches for circular ark just bring up math sites)   with essentially the same story, which is pretty much unsurprising because we are seeing increasing evidence that...okay civilization is the wrong word, but highly organized communities, existed in places like Turkey about 3000 years before the generally accepted birth of Civilization, in the Fertile Crescent.   That would turn the clock back to basically the end of the Ice Age when, we know, thanks to Dr Ballard. that there were human settlements in a wide basin with a mid sized freshwater lake in the area  the Black Sea now occupies.  At the end of the Ice Age however, an ice dam broke/melted near what is now  Istanbul (not Constantinople) and the entire area was, almost overnight deluged by water from the Mediterranean Sea.

In other words, there really WAS a great flood (not the world drowning one depicted in the bible to be sure but to the people affected by it it would have SEEMED like one)  and those that survived it would have fled in all directions settling all around the Med Basin and beyond, and you damn sure better believe something THAT traumatic would have survived in the oral traditions of nearly any tribe that lived through it.

As to the whole "Ark" aspect, the loder version of the story unearthed in Iraq gives some insight as it contains instructions for building a circular "coracle"-like  raft/boats out of local reeds, that was as big as football fields and we have evidence that that locals really did usie something like that albeit small,  to transport livestock to safer pastures when the local rivers did their a ...


Thera which occurred around 1600 BC was a bit too late, in my personal opinion, to be the source of the flood stories, especially since one of the oldest written versions of the Babylonian version of the flood tale  has been dated to 3800 BC.

 It certainly is plausible as the "historical" source for the Atlantis tales however. (Minoan civilization was far more advanced than the mainland Greeks and Thera was their holy island and the Tsunami DID wipe out significant parts of Crete as well).  I've also heard some scholar suggest that the timing and effects of the eruption could more or less explain the "ten plagues" that Exodus claims led to the liberation of the Hebrews from Egypt
 
2014-03-28 02:27:44 PM

FunkOut: There's a Pacific West coast Native story where the world is swamped with water and only a few people survive by climbing to the top of cedar trees to escape the waters. There's another where people survived such a flood in their boats. Archaeological records show that Vancouver Island did indeed get walloped by a massive tsunami way back when, with sea water and sea sediment being found at a certain strata rather far inland, and this is possibly connected to the stories.


More generally. at the end of the last Ice Age there was massive flooding in most coastal areas.  (for example, the English Channel used to be dry land-we know this because we've found people's houses and settlements at the bottom).  Historically Human beings ALWAYS settle on coasts at near rivers first.

 So, while Biblical literalists love to point to he fact that almost all human cultures have a Flood myth as "proof" it really happened the way the Bible says, all it really means is that massive, and likely traumatic flooding occurred world wide as the glaciers melted and humanity remembers- to say nothing of the fact that hurricanes, tsunamis etc are still a regular feature of our world and the vast majority of humanity still lives on coastline of one kind or another.

Guns n' Farkin Roses: Why watch Noah when there are thousands of Sodom and Gomorrah prequel reboots on xHamster?


You think the Bible thumpers are pissed at the environmental message Aranofsky snuck into   Noah?  Imagine how much shiat they'd flip if someone made a Sodom and Gomorrah Movies that (Bilblically correctly according to Jeremiah) pointed out that what got those Cities to be the target of the smite button on God's computer, was their lack of a robust social safety net and their mistreatment of the poor?

/Someday want to make a Kaiju porno movie called   Sodom and Gamera

)
 
2014-03-28 02:41:03 PM
Never read the book. How does it end?
 
2014-03-28 02:41:11 PM

Magorn: FunkOut: There's a Pacific West coast Native story where the world is swamped with water and only a few people survive by climbing to the top of cedar trees to escape the waters. There's another where people survived such a flood in their boats. Archaeological records show that Vancouver Island did indeed get walloped by a massive tsunami way back when, with sea water and sea sediment being found at a certain strata rather far inland, and this is possibly connected to the stories.

More generally. at the end of the last Ice Age there was massive flooding in most coastal areas.  (for example, the English Channel used to be dry land-we know this because we've found people's houses and settlements at the bottom).  Historically Human beings ALWAYS settle on coasts at near rivers first.

 So, while Biblical literalists love to point to he fact that almost all human cultures have a Flood myth as "proof" it really happened the way the Bible says, all it really means is that massive, and likely traumatic flooding occurred world wide as the glaciers melted and humanity remembers- to say nothing of the fact that hurricanes, tsunamis etc are still a regular feature of our world and the vast majority of humanity still lives on coastline of one kind or another.


I think civilisations that went up to the mountains were scared shiatless of another flood showing up. Hell, I know I would.
 
2014-03-28 02:44:53 PM

Yaw String: Never read the book. How does it end?


with a gay wedding.
 
2014-03-28 02:49:55 PM
Ricky likes to think there is some kind of religious persecution and organized attack against him but its just not true. He would be hilarious if he would just let it drop, we just don't care.
 
2014-03-28 02:49:58 PM

Sybarite: I saw the trailer, and I don't care what anyone says, I just don't think Waterworld needed a remake.


Think of it more as a prequel.
 
2014-03-28 02:50:27 PM
Christian, atheist, whatever. Ricky Gervais is a dick.
 
2014-03-28 02:55:10 PM

Crewmannumber6: Christian, atheist, whatever. Ricky Gervais is a dick.


He's an atheist, as he'll let you know six times an hour.

I love his work though.
 
2014-03-28 02:55:47 PM
Ricky Gervais wins Twitter by congratulating Russel Crowe on his new movie saying "I hear it's even better than the book"

That comment "wins Twitter"? Was this headline written by Gervais?
 
2014-03-28 02:59:23 PM

FLMountainMan: Crewmannumber6: Christian, atheist, whatever. Ricky Gervais is a dick.

He's an atheist, as he'll let you know six times an hour.

I love his work though.


I might enjoy it more if he didn't have that 'I can't believe how incredibly clever I am' look permanently affixed to his face.

The best part about Extras was the guests he had on.
 
2014-03-28 02:59:49 PM

Yaw String: Never read the book. How does it end?


Well, the book  is really three parts. Part one. Where it's pretty much war, curses, sex and an instruction guide from the middle of no where. Part two is more of a character study. Luckily, the character is actually a pretty nice guy. Though he bites it in the end. However, he comes back because everyone likes a sequel. The part three is the epilogue. The pretty nice guy of the part two comes back and fights what I can only call a David Lynch meets Terry Gilliam meets Tarsem Singh nightmare. Doesn't really have much to do with the other two books outside a couple of reoccurring characters but, hey, third part is usually the weakest of a trilogy.
 
2014-03-28 03:13:16 PM

Yaw String: Never read the book. How does it end?


img.fark.net
I didn't so much like the latter part of the book which is more like all preachy talking than fighting
and the old in-out.  I liked the parts where these old yahoodies tolchock each other and then drink
their Hebrew vino, and then get onto the bed with their wives' handmaidens. That kept me going.
 
2014-03-28 03:17:19 PM

sure haven't: Oh how glib and sarcastic and New Yorker-y funny.

Bleh.


Yea, anyway. Real 'Muricans know comedy is done in a fake accent and involves incest and poop jokes for 45 minutes straight.
 
2014-03-28 03:25:43 PM

Car_Ramrod: Ricky Gervais wins Twitter by congratulating Russel Crowe on his new movie saying "I hear it's even better than the book"

That comment "wins Twitter"? Was this headline written by Gervais?


This. So tired of people "winning the internet" or "winning twitter". It's the modern, equally asinine equivalent to "wins at life". No, you didn't win anything, you wanted a pat on the back, and hoped someone shared your sense of "humor" enough to give you one.
 
2014-03-28 03:26:55 PM
As an atheist I gotta admit it's kinda dumb to leave God out of a biblical story. Who did they think the audience was going to be?
 
2014-03-28 03:31:16 PM

grinding_journalist: Car_Ramrod: Ricky Gervais wins Twitter by congratulating Russel Crowe on his new movie saying "I hear it's even better than the book"

That comment "wins Twitter"? Was this headline written by Gervais?

This. So tired of people "winning the internet" or "winning twitter". It's the modern, equally asinine equivalent to "wins at life". No, you didn't win anything, you wanted a pat on the back, and hoped someone shared your sense of "humor" enough to give you one.


Lighten up Francis, it's just a grandiose way of saying "Best joke I've heard all day. Take the stick out your ass.
 
2014-03-28 03:33:47 PM

Yaw String: Never read the book. How does it end?


However you want. That is the true power of the bible.

If you think gays are icky then you quote the gay hate passages.

If you think slavery is great then you quote the part where Jesus instructs slaves to obey their masters as they would obey him.

There is a passage that can be used to manipulate followers to any outcome. Very powerful book indeed.
 
2014-03-28 03:37:36 PM
Ricky Gervais is nothing but a slightly talented, smug, self-satisfied atheist.

Which is fine but he's an ass, too, when it comes to crowing about his atheism and that stuff is just boring.
 
2014-03-28 03:44:28 PM

douchebag/hater: Ricky Gervais is nothing but a slightly talented, smug, self-satisfied atheist.

Which is fine but he's an ass, too, when it comes to crowing about his atheism and that stuff is just boring.


Why don't you cry about it?
 
2014-03-28 03:44:54 PM
It no hilarious trolling of "Gravity." But it's alright.
 
2014-03-28 03:45:36 PM

Digitalstrange: As an atheist I gotta admit it's kinda dumb to leave God out of a biblical story. Who did they think the audience was going to be?


Interestingly, they reviewed it this week on Filmspotting. The one who ascribes to a faith (Josh Larson) didn't like it and the agnostic (Michael Phillips) did.
 
2014-03-28 03:47:42 PM

Crewmannumber6: FLMountainMan: Crewmannumber6: Christian, atheist, whatever. Ricky Gervais is a dick.

He's an atheist, as he'll let you know six times an hour.

I love his work though.

I might enjoy it more if he didn't have that 'I can't believe how incredibly clever I am' look permanently affixed to his face.

The best part about Extras was the guests he had on.


No, you're misreading that look. That's not an egotistical look, it's a delighted and surprised look, like "I can't believe I get paid loads of cash for having this much fun! What a lucky bugger I am!"

Ricky Gervais is a national treasure -- of *two* countries, at least.
 
2014-03-28 03:47:54 PM

Guns n' Farkin Roses: Why watch Noah when there are thousands of Sodom and Gomorrah prequel reboots on xHamster?


Then Deauxma could be Noah.
 
2014-03-28 03:48:40 PM
I have noah desire to see that movie.
 
2014-03-28 03:48:52 PM
 
2014-03-28 03:52:10 PM
I don't know... i thought the Fox reviewer actually did a pretty good job. Not sure why that was included in an article about conservative outrage.

I don't plan on seeing it, but he reviewed it fairly. And Ricky Gervais is funny as hell.
 
2014-03-28 04:08:33 PM

Yaw String: Never read the book. How does it end?


John goes off his nut
 
2014-03-28 04:11:25 PM
i.huffpost.com

Here is Emma Watson on the red carpet at one of the premieres. There's no chance the paparazzi got any upskirt shots that night.
 
2014-03-28 04:11:30 PM

Yaw String: Never read the book. How does it end?


Soylent Green is people.
 
2014-03-28 04:18:11 PM

Yaw String: Never read the book. How does it end?


"...before the eyes of all Israel."
 
2014-03-28 04:21:27 PM
Ricky Gervais is a funny, funny dude, but goddamn, most of the time I just want to be like "OK dude, I get it, you're an Atheist".
 
2014-03-28 04:36:53 PM
You don't need a large scale flood to account for all the flood myths. Every civilization near a large body of water will eventually experience a once in centuries flood that will live on in memory. There is zero evidence they all happened at the exact same time.
 
2014-03-28 04:38:13 PM

Yaw String: Never read the book. How does it end?


Literally:  "He who testifies to these things says, 'Yes, I am coming quickly.' Amen. Come, Lord Jesus. The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all. Amen."

However, **SPOILER ALERT**, just about everyone dies in the last act.
 
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