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(Slate)   Creative resumes are depressing the hell out of the uncreative class   (slate.com) divider line 82
    More: Obvious, Redditor PastLightSpeed, people skills, resumes, installation arts  
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7405 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Mar 2014 at 1:58 AM (22 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-03-28 12:08:32 AM
She sounds old.

Seriously. This is the 21st century. The current resume is a relic from the 19rth century. It's a bland farrago of lies, exaggeration, and hopelessness.

The visual resume, OTOH, shows by its very existence what you can do. You don't have to *say* 'thinks outside the box', because it does it for you. Ditto for 'creative', 'hard working', 'tech savvy', 'persuasive', and 'inspired'.

Any asshole can throw together a chronological resume. Or pay a service to do it. But this is harder. And it's more you. In thirty years, ALL resumes will be like visual, and articles like this one will sound as pretentious and dated as Patrick Bateman obsessing over a plain white business card in American Psycho.

/ government employee
// hates it
/// just applied for a new job today; attached both traditional and visual resumes
 
2014-03-28 02:02:18 AM
I guess I'm lucky that I'm old enough that the people who are looking for someone with my skillset still expect a traditional resume that lists my accomplishments chronologically, because that's what I've got, folks, a pretty damned decent list of skills covering my 20 years of experience.
 
2014-03-28 02:02:33 AM

whistleridge: She sounds old.

Seriously. This is the 21st century. The current resume is a relic from the 19rth century. It's a bland farrago of lies, exaggeration, and hopelessness.

The visual resume, OTOH, shows by its very existence what you can do. You don't have to *say* 'thinks outside the box', because it does it for you. Ditto for 'creative', 'hard working', 'tech savvy', 'persuasive', and 'inspired'.

Any asshole can throw together a chronological resume. Or pay a service to do it. But this is harder. And it's more you. In thirty years, ALL resumes will be like visual, and articles like this one will sound as pretentious and dated as Patrick Bateman obsessing over a plain white business card in American Psycho.

/ government employee
// hates it
/// just applied for a new job today; attached both traditional and visual resumes


Maybe this is fine for her (gag) marketing internship or something.

Meanwhile, in the real world, prospective employers want resumes with predictable formatting and an easy-to-scan-to-text font, so they can scan you into their system (either from your electronic submission or by hard copy) and have their automation recognize which lines are your job titles, which are your employers, which are your summary of skills and job duties, etc., so it can be parsed for their HR database system.

I like to show off my skills, too -- that's usually required as a separate part of the application process in my industry -- but I can do that with a portfolio that's not part of the resume itself.

Unless your prospective job entails ass-kissing salesmanship, ass-kissing salesmanship shouldn't expected to be part of the resume.
 
2014-03-28 02:02:49 AM
Why would I want to work for a pretentious employer who'll expect the most out of me, everyday, all day, when I just want to collect a paycheck?

This would also explain why I've never finished University or done much other than be a phone jockey.
 
2014-03-28 02:05:37 AM
The point is that internship is of itself nothing more than theft and that the fact people are jumping through hoops like this even to get shafted let alone a farking job says your culture is perverted beyond repair.
 
2014-03-28 02:07:22 AM
Goal: To gain skills that enhance the experience of... er,...
Goal:  To innovate the profitability of...ahh, ah fark it
Goal: To be hired and get paid on a regular basis with as little work as possible.

/I just leave that section off.
 
2014-03-28 02:16:49 AM
Maybe that would fly for a job with an ad agency, but most jobs only accept online applications these days, and it's the applicant's chore to guess what the hell will impress the HR software's algorithms. Best part of searching for work today is businesses don't even send an email telling you to drop dead (which would be a simple thing for their mindless application sorting software to do).
If you work for a company that doesn't send any reply when an application is received or rejected then your HR department sucks. Some of those online applications are LONG and time consuming, ask intrusive questions, and require applicants to take personality tests, etc.. Then you never hear back from the company, because they couldn't be assed to write some code to send a rejection email.
 
2014-03-28 02:17:03 AM
This is a bad format if you're submitting your resume to HR.

It's a great format if you're submitting to somebody who gives a shiat about the job and cares who they hire.
 
2014-03-28 02:23:21 AM
If I ever describe an advertising agency as a "dream", feel free to park a train on me.

I'm sure creative resumes go far for creative jobs, but I'll stick with the traditional resume for my IT career.
I don't want a prospective employer to think I'm some kind of special snowflake type person who needs constant creative nourishment lest I become bored with my job.

robot6.comicbookresources.com
 
2014-03-28 02:24:11 AM
If it actually has custom 3d printed legos inside she's hired.

Otherwise I'm calling bullshiat on that 'hard working, goes the extra mile' nonsense.
 
2014-03-28 02:25:18 AM
Also I might hire the pony resume, just to get to fire them.
 
2014-03-28 02:25:41 AM
I agree with the author of the article. It's a sad state of affairs when shiat like this is necessary to land an internship. Not a job, mind you. Subby is a 'tard, bro.
 
2014-03-28 02:28:44 AM
I've run out of options so I've started attaching pictures of my giant german sausage with my resume in the hopes I get a few.....bites.
 
2014-03-28 02:41:15 AM

whistleridge: She sounds old.

Seriously. This is the 21st century. The current resume is a relic from the 19rth century. It's a bland farrago of lies, exaggeration, and hopelessness.

The visual resume, OTOH, shows by its very existence what you can do. You don't have to *say* 'thinks outside the box', because it does it for you. Ditto for 'creative', 'hard working', 'tech savvy', 'persuasive', and 'inspired'.

Any asshole can throw together a chronological resume. Or pay a service to do it. But this is harder. And it's more you. In thirty years, ALL resumes will be like visual, and articles like this one will sound as pretentious and dated as Patrick Bateman obsessing over a plain white business card in American Psycho.

/ government employee
// hates it
/// just applied for a new job today; attached both traditional and visual resumes


Eggshell. The card was eggshell, and the lettering was embossed.
 
2014-03-28 02:42:11 AM

red5ish: and it's the applicant's chore to guess what the hell will impress the HR software's algorithms


Here is how you defeat that. Copy the keywords from the job description and paste them onto the bottom of the last page of your resume in the smallest font and change the color of those keywords you are pasting to white. That way the software's algorithm will pick up on the keywords and it will flag your resume for review.
 
2014-03-28 02:43:33 AM
abovethelaw.com
 
2014-03-28 02:45:35 AM
Oh, and go ahead a google 'Guy who posted topless photos on a resume' if you want the full story.
 
2014-03-28 02:45:46 AM

spamdog: If I ever describe an advertising agency as a "dream", feel free to park a train on me.

I'm sure creative resumes go far for creative jobs, but I'll stick with the traditional resume for my IT career.
I don't want a prospective employer to think I'm some kind of special snowflake type person who needs constant creative nourishment lest I become bored with my job.


Christ, where did you find that?!

I'm an academic, so I cannot think of why anyone would think a resume like that would fly. I like my resume clean, simple, and in black and white. The letterhead (yes, I have my own personal letterhead) is straightforward, but still nonstandard. And I refuse to use Times New Roman--High Tower Text has far more appeal, looks better, and because it isn't TNR, it stands out.
 
2014-03-28 02:47:56 AM

SearchN: [abovethelaw.com image 447x541]


That is an ugly ass bathroom.  Is he slouching? Also those undergarments don't work with the joke.
 
2014-03-28 02:48:02 AM

SearchN:


He's cuuute... Can I hire him as both in-house counsel AND my personal booty call?
 
2014-03-28 02:49:02 AM

Maggie_Luna: SearchN: [abovethelaw.com image 447x541]

That is an ugly ass bathroom.  Is he slouching? Also those undergarments don't work with the joke.


I completely disagree. If he were wearing something more unusual--a pink thing, for example--it would be too obvious.
 
2014-03-28 02:49:09 AM

timujin: I guess I'm lucky that I'm old enough that the people who are looking for someone with my skillset still expect a traditional resume that lists my accomplishments chronologically, because that's what I've got, folks, a pretty damned decent list of skills covering my 20 years of experience.


A skill set you say... Liam, is that you?
 
2014-03-28 02:51:13 AM

maram500: SearchN:

He's cuuute... Can I hire him as both in-house counsel AND my personal booty call?


What if he has a butterface though?  (You know ugly face but hot body.)
 
2014-03-28 02:52:31 AM

haolegirl: timujin: I guess I'm lucky that I'm old enough that the people who are looking for someone with my skillset still expect a traditional resume that lists my accomplishments chronologically, because that's what I've got, folks, a pretty damned decent list of skills covering my 20 years of experience.

A skill set you say... Liam, is that you?


There's a man who has his resume custom-engraved on a Beretta 92FS. Or a bullet. Or both.

/It's the delivery that's the problem...
 
2014-03-28 02:53:07 AM

Maggie_Luna: maram500: SearchN:

He's cuuute... Can I hire him as both in-house counsel AND my personal booty call?

What if he has a butterface though?  (You know ugly face but hot body.)


Paper bag. That is all.
 
2014-03-28 02:53:53 AM
I don't think I've ever agreed entirely with a Slate article in my life . . . but here we are.

Resumes are about concisely identifying your unique skills and experience.
 
2014-03-28 02:53:54 AM

maram500: Eggshell. The card was eggshell, and the lettering was embossed.


i262.photobucket.com
 
2014-03-28 02:55:06 AM
Nice. I will have to check back in tomorrow to see if I derailed this thread into pictures of men in underwear.

/Listen folks on my list, I do it enough for every bikini/yoga/ect thread.
//Time to let the girls (and certain men) have their fun.
 
2014-03-28 02:55:33 AM

Maggie_Luna: What if he has a butterface though?  (You know ugly face but hot body.)


l.wigflip.com
 
2014-03-28 03:00:55 AM

gadian: Goal: To gain skills that enhance the experience of... er,...
Goal:  To innovate the profitability of...ahh, ah fark it
Goal: To be hired and get paid on a regular basis with as little work as possible.

/I just leave that section off.


You shouldn't. Just create a rough copy of your resume, remove your name from it (allow for anonymous responses), and post it.

I've worked for a number of institutions and corporations that claim to hire the "best and brightest." And that strategy is a complete waste of resources for both the employees and the employer. If you need "heroes" who will give 200% every week to just stay in business, your business sucks. Your management sucks. Your organization sucks.

There are cases where I'd take 2-3 9:00-to-5:00 slackers in a heartbeat-- not because they are dumb or lazy, but because they will do the job well enough without getting bored and quitting after a year. Plus, if I can get them interested in the work occasionally, they'll actually be happier than someone who feels he or she is underutilized.

Summary: 1) Most people who manage engineers suck at their jobs. 2) Most people who recruit engineers suck at their jobs.
 
2014-03-28 03:06:26 AM

maram500: haolegirl: timujin: I guess I'm lucky that I'm old enough that the people who are looking for someone with my skillset still expect a traditional resume that lists my accomplishments chronologically, because that's what I've got, folks, a pretty damned decent list of skills covering my 20 years of experience.

A skill set you say... Liam, is that you?

There's a man who has his resume custom-engraved on a Beretta 92FS. Or a bullet. Or both.

/It's the delivery that's the problem...


Actually, I'm in here on Fark while my bf is writing his resume...i won't suggest that.
 
2014-03-28 03:18:24 AM

Lenny_da_Hog: whistleridge: She sounds old.

Seriously. This is the 21st century. The current resume is a relic from the 19rth century. It's a bland farrago of lies, exaggeration, and hopelessness.

The visual resume, OTOH, shows by its very existence what you can do. You don't have to *say* 'thinks outside the box', because it does it for you. Ditto for 'creative', 'hard working', 'tech savvy', 'persuasive', and 'inspired'.

Any asshole can throw together a chronological resume. Or pay a service to do it. But this is harder. And it's more you. In thirty years, ALL resumes will be like visual, and articles like this one will sound as pretentious and dated as Patrick Bateman obsessing over a plain white business card in American Psycho.

/ government employee
// hates it
/// just applied for a new job today; attached both traditional and visual resumes

Maybe this is fine for her (gag) marketing internship or something.

Meanwhile, in the real world, prospective employers want resumes

that are readable.

Seriously, unless you are a going for a design position, all those resumes were otherwise simply unreadable.
 
2014-03-28 03:22:10 AM

HotWingAgenda: I don't think I've ever agreed entirely with a Slate article in my life . . . but here we are.

Resumes are about concisely identifying your unique skills and experience.


And for some positions, that would be submitting one of these creative resumes. But that would be in less than .1% of the cases.
 
2014-03-28 03:23:30 AM
If it was for an awesome job, that would be one thing, but it's not, she's begging for a farking intern position.

That said, if you're going to get a degree in a 'soft' subject, be prepared to do some begging. Because remember, math is hard, and those of us who have realised how much of a lie that is don't need the rest of you realising it and moving in on our lucrative patch...
 
2014-03-28 03:34:22 AM

SearchN: Nice. I will have to check back in tomorrow to see if I derailed this thread into pictures of men in underwear.

/Listen folks on my list, I do it enough for every bikini/yoga/ect thread.
//Time to let the girls (and certain men) have their fun.


God's work, my friend.

I worked at a staffing company's office for about six months, before the Recession hit. My main project there was to weed out three or four years worth of applications, including resumes, from two gigantic hanging file cabinets. I have read or at least skimmed more resumes than I ever want to think about, since I'm a bit of a speed reader. The creative ones will get you a blip on the attention, but ultimately most offices and service jobs want drones, not free thinkers. Sorry to put it bluntly like that but I'm on an average of 5 hours sleep a night here.

It's pretty much the reason I have trouble holding a job, too, because I can see through their bullshiat and I always open my mouth or stop playing the game after a while...

Also, spell your damn addresses, skills, etc, correctly. Spell checker is free with the office software, for cripes' sake.
 
2014-03-28 03:43:25 AM

whistleridge: She sounds old.

Seriously. This is the 21st century. The current resume is a relic from the 19rth century. It's a bland farrago of lies, exaggeration, and hopelessness.

The visual resume, OTOH, shows by its very existence what you can do. You don't have to *say* 'thinks outside the box', because it does it for you. Ditto for 'creative', 'hard working', 'tech savvy', 'persuasive', and 'inspired'.

Any asshole can throw together a chronological resume. Or pay a service to do it. But this is harder. And it's more you. In thirty years, ALL resumes will be like visual, and articles like this one will sound as pretentious and dated as Patrick Bateman obsessing over a plain white business card in American Psycho.

/ government employee
// hates it
/// just applied for a new job today; attached both traditional and visual resumes


Just so you know, that visual resume is going in the trash. If you get an interview, it will be because your traditional resume had the right keywords. HR people will throw out the next 100 visual resumes after the first 10 didn't scan properly.
Even in creative industries, they want traditional resumes - because your portfolio is where you show your creativity.
 
2014-03-28 03:45:46 AM
Depends on the job is being sought. Over the course of my working history, I did two things - jeweler and accountant.
My Accounting resume is one, single sheet of paper. But my jeweler resume is only partly on paper, most of it is photos, and my portfolio is a case full of actual pieces.
Nobody who is going to hire me to do auditing (my specialty) cares what my hobbies are, or whether I can design a pretty page.
Nobody who is going to hire me as a jeweler cares what I've done in the past (as long as I'm legally clean and bondable) if they are impressed by what I can actually do.
Who knows what employers are looking for these days - I sometimes suspect, from the things I hear, that HR people make job seekers jump through hoops for the pure sadistic pleasure of it.
 
2014-03-28 03:51:58 AM

jso2897: Who knows what employers are looking for these days - I sometimes suspect, from the things I hear, that HR people make job seekers jump through hoops for the pure sadistic pleasure of it.


It's not sadism as much as it is self-interest.

HR managers go to seminars at least once or twice a year, where they pay to hear speakers and demonstrators telling them the best way to do things while avoiding liability.

They come back to the office and thoughtlessly repeat all the new things to their managers, stressing the imperative nature of protecting the office from liability.

The CEO or executive VP they report to doesn't have time to deal with it, so he signs a bunch of purchase orders when they appear, approves the new policies and procedures when they hit his desk, and makes a note in this desk blotter about how hard the HR manager has been working this year.

There is no other metric for measuring HR's effectiveness. If the employee doesn't work out, there are a million other factors to blame, and they can work harder on finding those factors by going to a few more professional seminars....
 
2014-03-28 04:01:48 AM

jso2897: Who knows what employers are looking for these days - I sometimes suspect, from the things I hear, that HR people make job seekers jump through hoops for the pure sadistic pleasure of it.


This country has a massive glut of labor and not enough jobs All the arbitrary meaningless overly excessive requirements for resumes are how they weed out the first thousand applicants so that they only have to interview ten. And then they use the interviews to weed out those ten so they can hire no one, and therefore justify their recruiting budget for the rest of the year.
 
2014-03-28 04:11:34 AM
FTFA: "Here are six impressive cover letters that will motivate you to up your game: One of them promises, "I have no qualms about fetching coffee, shining shoes, or picking up laundry, and will work for next to nothing.""

This sentence might shed some light on other possible causes of depression...
 
2014-03-28 04:48:48 AM

ghostfacekillahrabbit: FTFA: "Here are six impressive cover letters that will motivate you to up your game: One of them promises, "I have no qualms about fetching coffee, shining shoes, or picking up laundry, and will work for next to nothing.""

This sentence might shed some light on other possible causes of depression...


Also domestic violence, murder, theft, drug abuse, alcoholism..........
 
2014-03-28 05:32:04 AM

fluffy2097: ghostfacekillahrabbit: FTFA: "Here are six impressive cover letters that will motivate you to up your game: One of them promises, "I have no qualms about fetching coffee, shining shoes, or picking up laundry, and will work for next to nothing.""

This sentence might shed some light on other possible causes of depression...

Also domestic violence, murder, theft, drug abuse, alcoholism..........


You forgot "weird and freaky sex" in your list there.

/Slings and whips and leather diapers
//Cigarettes, ball gags, and nipple clamps
///People are f***ing weird
 
2014-03-28 05:32:43 AM
Someday you'll do your job well enough that prospective employers take one look at how clean your booths are are come to *you*
 
2014-03-28 06:00:01 AM
LEGO Leah??? That's lame.

My visual resume is the best evar.

I'm applying for a job as S&R Co-ordinator.


.......so I sent them MH370.
 
2014-03-28 06:08:08 AM
that thing isn't going to fit into the document scanner.
 
2014-03-28 06:13:13 AM
the morning after this was posted on reddit, a handful of companies asked whether they received a lego set from this woman while mid-level HR managers felt the uncomfortable plastic making indents on their balls.
 
2014-03-28 06:20:51 AM
lego, Jezebel  and Reddit? It's a giant sucking vortex of hipster douchyness. All it's missing is ZOMG Bacon....Betty White!!!1!1!!
 
2014-03-28 06:21:07 AM

Gothnet: If it was for an awesome job, that would be one thing, but it's not, she's begging for a farking intern position.


Yeah, exactly the blogger in TFA's point. It's ridiculous that one has to go to these extremes to get the most menial of tasks.

I'm starting to think that we need to begin a transition to a post-scarcity society.
 
2014-03-28 06:33:05 AM
It be nice if since they source the passing around of the story they bothered to look at the original posting about it where the girl actually explains this fairly well.

She sent in a normal resume and was called in for an interview.  After this, they asked her to provide several additional things, one being a marketing piece to describe her.  This was her marketing piece that she sent as a follow up to the person she interviewed with.  Inside, in addition to the legos, was another copy of her resume and I believe a thank you note.

Whats ridiculous about this entire thing is the 'oh the interview went well, you are now in our top 1000 candidates.  Now we'd like you to jump through a bunch of hoops and spend a bunch of time on trying to wow us to make it to the top 100.  You are now one step closer to your unpaid intership! Congrats' attitude employers have.
 
2014-03-28 06:54:12 AM

NickelP: Whats ridiculous about this entire thing is the 'oh the interview went well, you are now in our top 1000 candidates.  Now we'd like you to jump through a bunch of hoops and spend a bunch of time on trying to wow us to make it to the top 100.  You are now one step closer to your unpaid intership! Congrats' attitude employers have.


With unemployment what it is. they can afford to do it.

Why hire idiots from america when you can hire idiots from the 3rd world for pennies on the dollar?

So then you need smart people. Well lots of people want those jobs, and most of them aren't very smart. So you have a lot of unqualified people gunning for the same few jobs.

Of course employers are going to pick and choose.
 
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