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(Des Moines Register)   For once Des Moines gets mentioned in the Onion in a complimentary fashion   (desmoinesregister.com) divider line 47
    More: Spiffy, Des Moines, onions, fashions  
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4641 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Mar 2014 at 2:15 PM (48 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



47 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-03-26 01:00:26 PM  
The fact that the Des Moines register will report on The Onion reporting on Des Moines, is indicative to why The Onion often reports on Des Moines.
 
2014-03-26 01:41:52 PM  
No one cares about your fly-over state or it's small towns.
 
2014-03-26 02:16:03 PM  
Dez Moy-enns.
 
2014-03-26 02:18:46 PM  
Wanna know how I know the author hasn't spent much time in Phillt?
 
2014-03-26 02:18:47 PM  
Landing strips.  Gay martians.
 
2014-03-26 02:20:40 PM  
The story below that was about how the town is building landing strips for gay martians....you know what Des Moines, I like you.
 
2014-03-26 02:21:15 PM  

Gunny Highway: Landing strips.  Gay martians.


I like you. You're not like the other people here in the trailer park.
 
2014-03-26 02:22:27 PM  

wildcardjack: Wanna know how I know the author hasn't spent much time in Phillt?


I don't spend much time in Phillt either. He's been around the block and he's not too tight anymore.
 
2014-03-26 02:23:17 PM  

impaler: The fact that the Des Moines register will report on The Onion reporting on Des Moines, is indicative to why The Onion often reports on Des Moines.


The Des Moines Register was bought out a few years ago and quality plummeted. It's like when a cable company buys out a local telecom.
 
2014-03-26 02:23:37 PM  
Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart. You can't build on it. You can't grow anything in it.
 
2014-03-26 02:27:57 PM  

Snapper Carr: Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart. You can't build on it. You can't grow anything in it.


o.scdn.co
 
2014-03-26 02:28:34 PM  

Snapper Carr: Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart. You can't build on it. You can't grow anything in it.


Can you build burrows in it?  That is very import.
 
2014-03-26 02:28:51 PM  
For some reason I really want to  kick back a cool, Coors 16-ouncer.

Thirsty all the sudden. Maybe a snowcone or something.
 
2014-03-26 02:29:33 PM  
I love Des Moines, it's a nice alternative to Omaha, and they've got some good Rock venues such as the Val Aire Ballroom, and Wooley's... Also, one of my good friends just moved there so I don't have to drive home after shows, which is nice.
 
2014-03-26 02:30:51 PM  

MRS. SALUCCI

Joey was supposed to go to Des Moines for an operation to cure his impotence.

McCROSKY

The Des Moines Institute?

MRS. SALUCCI

Then you know it.

KRUGER/McCROSKY/COMMISSIONER

We're familiar with it.

 
2014-03-26 02:31:00 PM  
If you go there, there's a ride called the mixer.  Just remember to keep your head and arms inside the mixer at all times.
 
2014-03-26 02:31:10 PM  
Boy, those Iowans sure are easy to please.
 
2014-03-26 02:32:48 PM  

ChipNASA: Dez Moy-enns.


Dee Moyn not Dez anything. farking Dez Planze.
 
2014-03-26 02:33:45 PM  

filter: ChipNASA: Dez Moy-enns.

Dee Moyn not Dez anything. farking Dez Planze.


Actually, more like Duh!
 
2014-03-26 02:34:51 PM  

RedfordRenegade: For some reason I really want to  kick back a cool, Coors 16-ouncer.

Thirsty all the sudden. Maybe a snowcone or something.


Beer is for lamos.  Try bleach.
 
2014-03-26 02:36:09 PM  

Lucky LaRue: No one cares about your fly-over state or it's small towns.


That's right! And if you try to come here to enjoy our stress-free lifestyle, relatively clean air, low cost of living, friendly hospitality, and nonexistent traffic congestion, we'll sic the hillbillies and evangelistic bigots on you again.
 
2014-03-26 02:38:32 PM  

Lucky LaRue: No one cares about your fly-over state or it's small towns.


Says the guy from the backwards hillbilly state no one cares about.
 
2014-03-26 02:40:06 PM  
art museum on one bank of a river with its "premier university" on the other.

Drexel?
 
2014-03-26 02:44:50 PM  
Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick
 
2014-03-26 02:46:25 PM  

Nem Wan: The Des Moines Institute?


I'm familiar with it.
 
2014-03-26 02:47:20 PM  

Lucky LaRue: No one cares about your fly-over state or it's small towns.


Or they what?
 
2014-03-26 02:56:19 PM  
Fark party - Blank Park Zoo, Des Moines, IA.

I'll drive.
 
2014-03-26 02:56:59 PM  
l.wigflip.com
 
2014-03-26 03:00:42 PM  
Very nice place...good people, very good music festivals, WORLD PORK EXPO!! (Bacon Fest), Iowa Beef, 5th largest art festival in the country, one of the top farmers markets in the country (my family actually started it 30+ yrs ago at one of our buildings downtown)

And ...at least were not in Bum-fark South Carolina or Florida
 
2014-03-26 03:09:14 PM  

pkrzycki: I love Des Moines, it's a nice alternative to Omaha, and they've got some good Rock venues such as the Val Aire Ballroom, and Wooley's... Also, one of my good friends just moved there so I don't have to drive home after shows, which is nice.


www.americarisingpac.org
 
2014-03-26 03:10:53 PM  
The next time it snows, notice which roads are plowed first.

Hint - They're the roads leaving town and headed out of state.

Not sure what that means
 
2014-03-26 03:18:25 PM  
Debbie Does Does Moines, again?
 
2014-03-26 03:20:26 PM  

Marcintosh: The next time it snows, notice which roads are plowed first.

Hint - They're the roads leaving town and headed out of state.

Not sure what that means


It's a convenience for interstate travelers and truck drivers who got stuck there in the storm. Keep the wheels of commerce moving.
 
2014-03-26 03:36:00 PM  

FarkingReading: wildcardjack: Wanna know how I know the author hasn't spent much time in Phillt?

I don't spend much time in Phillt either. He's been around the block and he's not too tight anymore.


So wouldn't that mean you need more time in him?
 
2014-03-26 03:39:38 PM  

Ow! That was my feelings!: pkrzycki: I love Des Moines, it's a nice alternative to Omaha, and they've got some good Rock venues such as the Val Aire Ballroom, and Wooley's... Also, one of my good friends just moved there so I don't have to drive home after shows, which is nice.

[www.americarisingpac.org image 267x199]



Hey man, when you live here, you take what you can get... Its within driving distance...
 
2014-03-26 03:51:57 PM  

pkrzycki: Ow! That was my feelings!: pkrzycki: I love Des Moines, it's a nice alternative to Omaha, and they've got some good Rock venues such as the Val Aire Ballroom, and Wooley's... Also, one of my good friends just moved there so I don't have to drive home after shows, which is nice.

[www.americarisingpac.org image 267x199]


Hey man, when you live here, you take what you can get... Its within driving distance...


Oh, I get it. I worked for a really large insurance co. in Des Moines(yep, that one) just out of college. Nice town, great people, brutally boring. If your life isn't having kids and family, you will have no life. Zero social scene.
 
2014-03-26 03:55:01 PM  
I go there once a quarter, if you are a fan of beer, go to El Bait Shop. A fine establishment. Bonus: On Thursday they celebrate the legalization of Homebrewing and let homebrewers give out samples of their wares...
 
2014-03-26 04:17:22 PM  

cgraves67: Marcintosh: The next time it snows, notice which roads are plowed first.

Hint - They're the roads leaving town and headed out of state.

Not sure what that means

It's a convenience for interstate travelers and truck drivers who got stuck there in the storm. Keep the wheels of commerce moving

 escaping.


8-D Spent a week there one night never going back, it's a mutual agreement between the hooker, the bar, the police and I.
 
2014-03-26 05:17:15 PM  

impaler: The fact that the Des Moines register will report on The Onion reporting on Des Moines, is indicative to why The Onion often reports on Des Moines.


Yep. If the fact that your town was mentioned in The Onion is news, then you live in a hick burg.
 
2014-03-26 05:18:51 PM  

pkrzycki: I love Des Moines, it's a nice alternative to Omaha, and they've got some good Rock venues such as the Val Aire Ballroom, and Wooley's... Also, one of my good friends just moved there so I don't have to drive home after shows, which is nice.


See, I think I see your problem right here.
 
2014-03-26 05:21:04 PM  

Gunny Highway: Snapper Carr: Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart. You can't build on it. You can't grow anything in it.

Can you build burrows in it?  That is very import.


Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick!
 
2014-03-26 06:28:47 PM  
This reminds me to check my mail to see if I have any pamphlets from Pueblo, Colorado.
 
2014-03-26 06:57:58 PM  
Ow! That was my feelings!:

Oh, I get it. I worked for a really large insurance co. in Des Moines(yep, that one) just out of college. Nice town, great people, brutally boring. If your life isn't having kids and family, you will have no life. Zero social scene.

Ehh...I wouldn't say "Zero" social scene.  I mean, I never go out in DSM, but there are enough people that left Iowa, realized the rest of the country sucks just as badly, then came back that there's something.

Don't get me wrong--I actually think DSM is brutally boring, too, but that's mostly because I don't drink alcohol or eat pork.  Ames, Iowa City, and Cedar Falls are all pretty cool.  The Quad Cities is fun as well.  Dubuque is  beautiful,and I occasionally catch a decent show there (Grinnell, too).

I dunno--it could be that you haven't been here in a while, but DSM is at least trying now.  It's still decades away from being like Kansas City or Minneapolis, but that also keeps the cost of living fairly low.
 
2014-03-26 08:39:45 PM  
"Stoner regales friends with tale of this bong he saw in Iowa City once" is still my favorite Iowa Onion article.

/Coralville represent!
 
2014-03-26 09:42:31 PM  

filter: ChipNASA: Dez Moy-enns.

Dee Moyn not Dez anything. farking Dez Planze.


i.imgur.com
 
2014-03-27 02:11:55 AM  

IAmYourBrainOnDrugs: Dubuque is  beautiful,


QFT
 
2014-03-27 08:17:11 AM  
I used to be defensive about being an Iowanian.
 
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