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(Mother Nature Network)   It's comforting to know that when you don't have a corkscrew you can always open a bottle of wine with your shoe   (mnn.com) divider line 52
    More: Spiffy  
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2014-03-26 08:30:16 AM  
I recently learned that if you accidentally leave a bottle of wine in the fridge and forget about it and it freezes, the cork will pop up like a turkey timer for easy removal. Of course that method is a little more time intensive, but you get wine slushies so there's that.
 
2014-03-26 08:31:04 AM  
I can open it with my hand most of the time now. Screwtops are popular and for good reason.
 
2014-03-26 08:33:23 AM  
-1 for not wearing safety goggles while slamming a glass bottle repeatedly against the side of a building.
 
2014-03-26 08:33:35 AM  
That would have saved me a lot of trouble the last time I went camping and forgot my corkscrew.  I ended up pushing the corks down into the bottle.
 
2014-03-26 08:35:23 AM  

Monkeyfark Ridiculous: I can open it with my hand most of the time now. Screwtops are popular and for good reason.


At least with German whites, the more expensive the wine, the more likely there's a screw top.
 
2014-03-26 08:36:50 AM  
Making it once again easy to prove that you got class coming out your ass.
 
2014-03-26 08:37:00 AM  
This method abandons strict practicality and is instead steeped in the fetid stench of whimsy. I am angry that there are people out there, who I will never meet, that are doing this.
 
2014-03-26 08:40:31 AM  
Synchronicity - my stepdaughter's mom just posted pics of herself doing this with the caption "this actually works".

I've never forgotten the corkscrew in my life.  .
 
2014-03-26 08:44:51 AM  
A sufficiently chilled bottle of wine (doesn't even have to be champagne) can be sabred with a kitchen knife. I have done once at a picnic. Really impresses the ladies.
 
2014-03-26 08:48:02 AM  
"Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water."
 
2014-03-26 08:48:56 AM  

Prank Call of Cthulhu: -1 for not wearing safety goggles while slamming a glass bottle repeatedly against the side of a building.


Those were professionals.  Don't try this at home.
 
2014-03-26 08:51:12 AM  
The staff at NPR couldn't open any bottles that had plastic corks, no matter how much they pounded.

Begging the question, who keeps that much wine at work?
 
2014-03-26 08:52:23 AM  
Please note, this doesn't work well for beers.
 
2014-03-26 08:54:11 AM  

boyvoyeur: Please note, this doesn't work well for beers.


I recently learned to open beers with my wedding band.  I usually use a Bic lighter.  Don't use the cheapo lighters.  They can rupture.
 
2014-03-26 08:55:15 AM  

Arkanaut: A sufficiently chilled bottle of wine (doesn't even have to be champagne) can be sabred with a kitchen knife. I have done once at a picnic. Really impresses the ladies.


real wine shouldn't be chilled, so...
 
2014-03-26 08:57:19 AM  
The splotches of red wine on my ceiling and shards of glass in my eyeballs beg to differ.
 
2014-03-26 08:58:34 AM  
I open all my wine with a boat.
 
2014-03-26 09:00:02 AM  

daveUSMC: The splotches of red wine on my ceiling and shards of glass in my eyeballs beg to differ.


Sounds like it opened. Problem?
 
2014-03-26 09:00:47 AM  

Rapmaster2000: boyvoyeur: Please note, this doesn't work well for beers.

I recently learned to open beers with my wedding band.  I usually use a Bic lighter.  Don't use the cheapo lighters.  They can rupture.


Pretty much any solid object. Ive used:

Bic/off brand lighter
Cellphone (generally not advised unless parched)
Microphone stand
Hammer handle
Window sill
Folded cardboard

/ mmmm beer
 
2014-03-26 09:01:31 AM  
I didn't even know Real Networks and their crappy "streaming" technology was still around, but there you are.

/ at least I assume something that buffers that badly has to be involved with Real in some way
 
2014-03-26 09:01:47 AM  

IamAwake: Arkanaut: A sufficiently chilled bottle of wine (doesn't even have to be champagne) can be sabred with a kitchen knife. I have done once at a picnic. Really impresses the ladies.

real wine shouldn't be chilled, so...


Not even white wine?
 
2014-03-26 09:02:52 AM  
A screwdriver,  a screw, and a pair of pliers, works for me.
 
2014-03-26 09:03:17 AM  
Shaking the ever loving hell out of wine is not a good idea.

beating a glass bottle is a STUPID idea
 
2014-03-26 09:03:19 AM  

Egoy3k: That would have saved me a lot of trouble the last time I went camping and forgot my corkscrew.  I ended up pushing the corks down into the bottle.


Wow-- my camping trips now seem shabby by comparison!  Maybe I need to rethink my packing strategy.
 
2014-03-26 09:09:31 AM  
drjekel_mrhyde
A screwdriver,  a screw, and a pair of pliers, works for me.


Same here. Drywall screw and a pair of vice grips.
 
2014-03-26 09:10:45 AM  
Wait, I am the only person on Fark who went to college? Who doesn't know at least ten methods for opening a wine bottle? The most inventive/wildly stupid I've witnessed is heating the neck over a gas stove then tapping it, leaving a very clean fracture line.

drjekel_mrhyde: A screwdriver,  a screw, and a pair of pliers, works for me.


A friend of mine can do that without the screwdriver and pliers. We don't shake hands...
 
2014-03-26 09:17:48 AM  

Monkeyfark Ridiculous: I can open it with my hand most of the time now. Screwtops are popular and for good reason.


Don't they actually seal better?

I mean we trust the screw top with every other liquid don't we?
 
2014-03-26 09:19:20 AM  

Prank Call of Cthulhu: -1 for not wearing safety goggles while slamming a glass bottle repeatedly against the side of a building.


Seriously.  I kept waiting for the bottle to break.  And if you're that desperate for a glass of wine, you should start attending your local AA meetings.
 
2014-03-26 09:26:07 AM  
If we still lived in a society where a man was expected to always carry a pocketknife, one could always have a swiss army knife on them. Alas, in today's age, the pocketknife carrier is akin to a terrorist or elementary school slaughterer in waiting. What an advanced species we have become.
 
2014-03-26 09:26:25 AM  
Good lord, all you need is a pen or stick.  Push the damn cork in!
 
2014-03-26 09:29:51 AM  

Egoy3k: That would have saved me a lot of trouble the last time I went camping and forgot my corkscrew.  I ended up pushing the corks down into the bottle.


^^THIS, people!!^^

1) Take pen
2) Push cork into bottle
3) Profit!!!
 
2014-03-26 09:32:35 AM  

manimal2878: Monkeyfark Ridiculous: I can open it with my hand most of the time now. Screwtops are popular and for good reason.

Don't they actually seal better?

I mean we trust the screw top with every other liquid don't we?


Yes, they seal better, they're easier to open, less variation, fewer faults, and you can easily close the bottle back up for that matter. Also some environmental difference. Some people prefer cork for the sense of tradition (I have to admit, I want a cork in my champagne), and some even claim the imperfect seal makes for better wine (when it doesn't fark it up) but this seems like bullshiat to me, or at best insignificant.
 
2014-03-26 09:33:37 AM  
I forget what brand of wine it was, but we got a red and a white in capri sun like pouches to carry backpacking.  It was perfect.  Single serving, poke with straw.  Can't find it anymore though.
 
2014-03-26 09:37:07 AM  

Prank Call of Cthulhu: -1 for not wearing safety goggles while slamming a glass bottle repeatedly against the side of a building.


exactly
 
2014-03-26 09:51:31 AM  
I saw somebody cut the shiat out of their hand while trying to do this.   Blood and wine everywhere.
 
2014-03-26 09:56:33 AM  

hitnrun74: I forget what brand of wine it was, but we got a red and a white in capri sun like pouches to carry backpacking.  It was perfect.  Single serving, poke with straw.  Can't find it anymore though.


Buy box-o'-wine, discard box.  Not convenient single-servings, but still easy to schlep.
 
2014-03-26 10:02:17 AM  
This is much too silly and impractical for opening your first bottle of wine.

I know me well enough to know that I would try this by the 2nd or 3rd bottle however..... even if I had a corkscrew handy.
 
2014-03-26 10:24:04 AM  

Prank Call of Cthulhu: -1 for not wearing safety goggles while slamming a glass bottle repeatedly against the side of a building.


Thank you for the safety tip, I will definitely abide when I next open a bottle of wine.

\Seriously. =D
 
2014-03-26 10:25:26 AM  

Arkanaut: IamAwake: Arkanaut: A sufficiently chilled bottle of wine (doesn't even have to be champagne) can be sabred with a kitchen knife. I have done once at a picnic. Really impresses the ladies.

real wine shouldn't be chilled, so...

Not even white wine?


depends on the wine. oaked and aged whites tend to be better at warmer temperatures (think of warmed brandy). fruit-forward crisp wines do better chilled a bit.
 
2014-03-26 10:29:38 AM  
Push cork in.
Use piece of string to remove.
 
2014-03-26 10:33:29 AM  
I do find this to be truly [Spiffy] but I doubt I'll ever find it to be necessary.

I had a bottle not too long ago called, I believe, Plungerhead.  I think it was a cork that didn't need a cork screw.  You peel away some plastic, then it becomes a lid/cork like you'll see on a bottle of Scotch.

It wasn't great or expensive wine, but it was OK.  Maybe $17 for the bottle.

Beer, though, I once had a pair of flip flops that had a bottle opener in them.  Pretty slick, but you are sticking the part of the beer that you put in your mouth on the bottom of your shoe.
 
2014-03-26 10:46:43 AM  

Thank You Black Jesus!: Rapmaster2000: boyvoyeur: Please note, this doesn't work well for beers.

I recently learned to open beers with my wedding band.  I usually use a Bic lighter.  Don't use the cheapo lighters.  They can rupture.

Pretty much any solid object. Ive used:

Bic/off brand lighter
Cellphone (generally not advised unless parched)
Microphone stand
Hammer handle
Window sill
Folded cardboard

/ mmmm beer


Rock
stick
cellphone (someone else's)
 
2014-03-26 10:55:04 AM  

lesliepop: Egoy3k: That would have saved me a lot of trouble the last time I went camping and forgot my corkscrew.  I ended up pushing the corks down into the bottle.

Wow-- my camping trips now seem shabby by comparison!  Maybe I need to rethink my packing strategy.


To be fair in the context of this particular post I was car camping.  I don't bring wine if I'm hiking or biking in to the site.  A bottle of scotch is much more manageable in those situations.
 
2014-03-26 10:56:47 AM  

Thank You Black Jesus!: Rapmaster2000: boyvoyeur: Please note, this doesn't work well for beers.

I recently learned to open beers with my wedding band.  I usually use a Bic lighter.  Don't use the cheapo lighters.  They can rupture.

Pretty much any solid object. Ive used:

Bic/off brand lighter
Cellphone (generally not advised unless parched)
Microphone stand
Hammer handle
Window sill
Folded cardboard

/ mmmm beer


Adding to that list:
Seat belts
Door latch on Subaru's (bonus:  bottle cap normally rolls under the car - gone forever!)

//don't drink and drive!
 
2014-03-26 11:22:15 AM  
Is this news?  It seems like I learned this 40 years ago.
 
2014-03-26 12:03:22 PM  
I can vouch for this method. Proof:

www.totalwine.com
 
2014-03-26 12:22:03 PM  

FarkinBastard: I can vouch for this method. Proof:

[www.totalwine.com image 350x338]


Dammit .. missed it by one post ..

theapptrail.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-03-26 12:32:19 PM  
Who in God's name walks around without a corkscrew? I mean seriously?
 
2014-03-26 12:55:44 PM  

Coconice: I had a bottle not too long ago called, I believe, Plungerhead. I think it was a cork that didn't need a cork screw. You peel away some plastic, then it becomes a lid/cork like you'll see on a bottle of Scotch.

It wasn't great or expensive wine, but it was OK. Maybe $17 for the bottle.


It's called a ZORK:
i.dailymail.co.uk

and should prevent your wine from being drank by a Grue.
 
2014-03-26 01:21:47 PM  
Boone's Farm has no cork!!
 
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