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(Globe and Mail)   The latest fad to make you cynically guffaw through your hipster beard: professional birth photography   (theglobeandmail.com) divider line 58
    More: Asinine  
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3746 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Mar 2014 at 7:29 PM (25 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-03-25 07:32:18 PM
Just don't point the camera down there and ask her to say "cheese".
 
2014-03-25 07:33:06 PM
Look, subby, if they're going to bring back handlebar moustaches then they also have to bring back late 1890s victorian child photography.. It's just canon..
 
2014-03-25 07:34:39 PM
I actually guffawed in my hipster-y stubble-i-ness reading that...

/physical reaction
//subconscious
 
2014-03-25 07:34:53 PM
The Early 21st century:

Everyone's not only a photographer now, but they are PROFESSIONAL as well.
 
2014-03-25 07:36:35 PM
The logical next phase of my "Conception Photography" business plan.
 
2014-03-25 07:37:01 PM
Subby, I'm not a parent, and I do not find this to be asinine at all. The pictures used in TFA really don't look bad and if someone wants to capture that special moment when their baby is born, so what?
 
2014-03-25 07:38:54 PM

" You can't blame the parents who are booking the $500-to-$2,000 sessions. "


Jeebus, $500 a session? I have a Canon Rebel xsi with a 85mm prime lens that takes the kind of fancy photos with the bokeh people like so much, and I'm a so-so photographer. I should jump on the bandwagon to make some easy money.

/Have DSLR. Will Travel.

 
2014-03-25 07:39:38 PM
My last kid was by c-section. I had my DSLR (for later!) over my shoulder in the OR as I sat next to my wife and when the they were about to take my son out the anesthesiology asked if he wanted me to take some photos since he had time. I said 'Sure'. He took about 200 shots, beginning to end, and he could probably make a mint doing this because I found out later that he was a wedding/event photographer before and photography was his 'thing'.
 
2014-03-25 07:40:09 PM
Prints in umber, umbilical, or placentone, ma'am? Damn, highlight off the soft spot!
 
2014-03-25 07:41:35 PM

skinink: " You can't blame the parents who are booking the $500-to-$2,000 sessions. "
Jeebus, $500 a session? I have a Canon Rebel xsi with a 85mm prime lens that takes the kind of fancy photos with the bokeh people like so much, and I'm a so-so photographer. I should jump on the bandwagon to make some easy money.

/Have DSLR. Will Travel.


Difference is, people who charge that much are (generally) pretty good, and you aren't.
 
2014-03-25 07:42:21 PM
Yes, I will laugh, cause this was a thing at least a decade ago.
 
2014-03-25 07:44:04 PM
As bad as us 99%ers are told we have it, we sure come up with some creative ways to dispose of the little money we have.
 
m00
2014-03-25 07:44:07 PM
Being a hipster is okay. But now I'm this new thing you probably haven't heard of.
 
2014-03-25 07:45:32 PM

GoldSpider: As bad as us 99%ers are told we have it, we sure come up with some creative ways to dispose of the little money we have.


How is earning money from your services "disposing" of it, exactly?
 
2014-03-25 07:45:53 PM
+1 for the headline subby...made me laugh.
 
2014-03-25 07:49:35 PM

skinink: " You can't blame the parents who are booking the $500-to-$2,000 sessions. "


Yes.  Yes, I can.
 
2014-03-25 07:50:15 PM

miniflea: skinink: " You can't blame the parents who are booking the $500-to-$2,000 sessions. "
Jeebus, $500 a session? I have a Canon Rebel xsi with a 85mm prime lens that takes the kind of fancy photos with the bokeh people like so much, and I'm a so-so photographer. I should jump on the bandwagon to make some easy money.

/Have DSLR. Will Travel.

Difference is, people who charge that much are (generally) pretty good, and you aren't.


Those pictures they showed on those pages weren't anything special. Any person with some level of training could take those pics.
 
2014-03-25 07:51:45 PM
I specialize in taking pictures of virgins and people touching them. Nothing wrong with that.

/walks away and whistles
 
2014-03-25 07:53:56 PM

skinink: miniflea: skinink: " You can't blame the parents who are booking the $500-to-$2,000 sessions. "
Jeebus, $500 a session? I have a Canon Rebel xsi with a 85mm prime lens that takes the kind of fancy photos with the bokeh people like so much, and I'm a so-so photographer. I should jump on the bandwagon to make some easy money.

/Have DSLR. Will Travel.

Difference is, people who charge that much are (generally) pretty good, and you aren't.

Those pictures they showed on those pages weren't anything special. Any person with some level of training could take those pics.


Perhaps I was being unfair.  Maybe you personally don't suck, but the generic "you" with a DSLR often  does.
 
2014-03-25 07:55:17 PM
As a professional photographer...I don't want this job.   You can have it and the smell-o-vision that comes with it.
 
2014-03-25 07:59:29 PM

skinink: " You can't blame the parents who are booking the $500-to-$2,000 sessions. "
Jeebus, $500 a session? I have a Canon Rebel xsi with a 85mm prime lens that takes the kind of fancy photos with the bokeh people like so much, and I'm a so-so photographer. I should jump on the bandwagon to make some easy money.

/Have DSLR. Will Travel.


By "bokeh" do you mean "depth of field"?  Because those two things are completely different.  And usually saying "I have an 85mm prime" is followed or lead by "f1.4" or something similar to describe the aperture of the lens.  Speed of the lens is how one achieves depth of field, not by focal length.So i
In other words, you are not a professional photographer, you're a guy with a camera.  There's a pretty big difference.
 
2014-03-25 07:59:34 PM
I thought there was a limit on how many people the hospital would allow to be in the room when birth is happening? Generally only the dad, or a substitute (my mom and aunt were with me for my first, my ex for the second)

/i live in canada
//maybe different rules here
///less extraneous people = more sanitary
 
2014-03-25 07:59:51 PM

miniflea: Maybe you personally don't suck, but the generic "you" with a DSLR often does.


To be fair, it seemed that a few of those photographers just had to deal with the fact that most people look incredibly stupid or won't follow direction and don't photograph well no matter what you try.
 
2014-03-25 08:07:15 PM

gadian: miniflea: Maybe you personally don't suck, but the generic "you" with a DSLR often does.

To be fair, it seemed that a few of those photographers just had to deal with the fact that most people look incredibly stupid or won't follow direction and don't photograph well no matter what you try.


But that's a big part of being a photographer. Knowing how to deal with people and direct them. Recognizing which camera angles work for someone, and what lighting to use for best effect.

A camera's a tool, a means to an end. Just because you've got some nice glass doesn't mean you can take good photos, or are a photographer.

I could go buy a guitar and learn a few chords, but that wouldn't make me a musician.

As for the article, it's a combination of creepy and narcissistic.
 
2014-03-25 08:08:01 PM
Shouldn't that be "guffaw cynically"?
 
2014-03-25 08:09:19 PM
Better than video.....played in reverse.

Nice pictures though.
 
2014-03-25 08:14:03 PM

FilmBELOH20: skinink: " You can't blame the parents who are booking the $500-to-$2,000 sessions. "
Jeebus, $500 a session? I have a Canon Rebel xsi with a 85mm prime lens that takes the kind of fancy photos with the bokeh people like so much, and I'm a so-so photographer. I should jump on the bandwagon to make some easy money.

/Have DSLR. Will Travel.

By "bokeh" do you mean "depth of field"?  Because those two things are completely different.  And usually saying "I have an 85mm prime" is followed or lead by "f1.4" or something similar to describe the aperture of the lens.  Speed of the lens is how one achieves depth of field, not by focal length.So i
In other words, you are not a professional photographer, you're a guy with a camera.  There's a pretty big difference.


Yes, I am a guy with a camera, and by bokeh...eh you know what I mean when I say it. And I wasn't gonna shoot off talking about f-stops and so much detail. By bokeh I mean bokeh. Never said I was a professional. So you got me. Give your address and I'll send you your cookie!
 
2014-03-25 08:14:50 PM

rustypouch: But that's a big part of being a photographer. Knowing how to deal with people and direct them. Recognizing which camera angles work for someone, and what lighting to use for best effect.


Sorry, some people are just ugly, goofy looking, and / or stubborn.  The only way a photographer could take a good picture is to hire a model to represent the subject.  Wait a sec. there is a good business idea there.  You could pay a model to represent the idealized version of you in all of your family and event photos, since that is what you really want to remember anyway.
 
2014-03-25 08:14:55 PM

dopekitty74: I thought there was a limit on how many people the hospital would allow to be in the room when birth is happening? Generally only the dad, or a substitute (my mom and aunt were with me for my first, my ex for the second)

/i live in canada
//maybe different rules here
///less extraneous people = more sanitary


Well, you're gonna have a couple of guys sweeping, and somebody yelling, "Hurry hard! Hurry hard!"....
B^D
 
2014-03-25 08:15:56 PM

whidbey: The Early 21st century:

Everyone's not only a photographer now, but they are PROFESSIONAL as well.


Like gamers.
 
2014-03-25 08:17:31 PM
As someone born before anyone would think of having a camera in the delivery room (or even of having the father in there) I have never for one microsecond wished there were pictures.
 
2014-03-25 08:20:43 PM

Nem Wan: As someone born before anyone would think of having a camera in the delivery room (or even of having the father in there) I have never for one microsecond wished there were pictures.


They make a nice bookend to the photos of the conception...
 
2014-03-25 08:22:53 PM
What is it with that section of the population that is above middle class, yet below upper? They make enough cash to have 'mad money' but not enough to buy their own jet.

Instead they shop at the very expensive 'Whole Foods', buy organic, wear pure cotton clothing which cost 8 times what it did before the advent of polyester, (and was for the 'regular folks') snap up SUVs decked out with more electronics than the Star Trek shuttle and rave about coffee shiat out by a cat-like critter.

From eating the afterbirth to getting in the Dr.s way to take 'at birth' pictures. (I'm sure every woman wants to recall her vagina stretched out to nearly the diameter of a bowling ball.)

Plus, kids at birth ain't exactly cute. They're pruney, wrinkled, pi$$ed off, often slimed with a cheesy-like substance and have a red and blue umbilical cord connected. Some tend to be odd colored until the nurses clean them off and bundle them up.

Then there's that not-so-occasional deal where the baby going through the birth canal pushes everything in the lower intestine out.

There might be some blood, if the Dr. has to slit the inner top of the vagina to expand it more. (Episiotomie) Don't fret. He usually stitches it back up nice and snug, then makes a special knot that gets tucked up inside. (It's called the 'Husbands' Knot.) He does the same if the vagina rips a bit during birth.

BYW: it's not too unusual for a husband to pass out as the baby starts to emerge. The Delivery Room crew are ready for that also.

Home pictures of a C-section? Not unless you don't mind seeing your beloved wife slit open, sometimes with enough blood to match the famous scene in 'Alien'. Plus you'll see the milky colored dome of the womb poking up, maybe moving as if some hideous parasite is about to burst forth.

There are times when it's best not to personally view things. Just peruse images in books and on the Internet.
 
2014-03-25 08:24:09 PM
"your hipster beard:"

Hey.  I had this facial hair long before it was cool.  This is my signature look that sets me apart from all the other guys. It's what makes me me.  If I shaved, I would look like all the other generic looking guys out there.
And besides, as long as the grubby looking beard is now acceptable in the corporate world, only a fool would bother shaving.
 
2014-03-25 08:29:52 PM

gadian: rustypouch: But that's a big part of being a photographer. Knowing how to deal with people and direct them. Recognizing which camera angles work for someone, and what lighting to use for best effect.

Sorry, some people are just ugly, goofy looking, and / or stubborn.  The only way a photographer could take a good picture is to hire a model to represent the subject.  Wait a sec. there is a good business idea there.  You could pay a model to represent the idealized version of you in all of your family and event photos, since that is what you really want to remember anyway.


Yep, some people aren't the easiest on the eyes. And a good photographer can work with that and get a reasonable, if not great image with what they have to work with.

A guy with a camera complains that his photos suck because his subjects are ugly and/or uncooperative.
 
2014-03-25 08:36:13 PM
rustypouch:    A guy with a camera complains that his photos suck because his subjects are ugly and/or uncooperative.

Then what happened?
 
2014-03-25 08:39:27 PM

m00: Being a hipster is okay. But now I'm this new thing you probably haven't heard of.


Oh, I think we've heard of it...
 
2014-03-25 08:45:27 PM
If you thought births were already getting crowded with all those nurses, doulas, doctors, midwives and lactation consultants vying for space, the trend toward adding a photojournalist onto the roster is growing across North America.

They forgot the machine that goes PING!!!!
 
2014-03-25 09:05:47 PM
Hiring a professional birth photographer is the latest way to snag the ultimate memory aid."


Uh no thanks, 16 hours of hard, hard labor is enough of a memory aid, thank you very much.
 
2014-03-25 09:22:06 PM
Why the fark is the man shirtless? He's in a farking hospital for farks sake!

www.theglobeandmail.com

/Hipsters: "What do you mean there's such a thing as Hospital Acquired Infections?!"
 
2014-03-25 09:24:16 PM

DarkSoulNoHope: Why the fark is the man shirtless? He's in a farking hospital for farks sake!



/Hipsters: "What do you mean there's such a thing as Hospital Acquired Infections?!"


He's nursing, you insensitive ass!
 
2014-03-25 09:27:29 PM

skinink: FilmBELOH20: skinink: " You can't blame the parents who are booking the $500-to-$2,000 sessions. "
Jeebus, $500 a session? I have a Canon Rebel xsi with a 85mm prime lens that takes the kind of fancy photos with the bokeh people like so much, and I'm a so-so photographer. I should jump on the bandwagon to make some easy money.

/Have DSLR. Will Travel.

By "bokeh" do you mean "depth of field"?  Because those two things are completely different.  And usually saying "I have an 85mm prime" is followed or lead by "f1.4" or something similar to describe the aperture of the lens.  Speed of the lens is how one achieves depth of field, not by focal length.So i
In other words, you are not a professional photographer, you're a guy with a camera.  There's a pretty big difference.

Yes, I am a guy with a camera, and by bokeh...eh you know what I mean when I say it. And I wasn't gonna shoot off talking about f-stops and so much detail. By bokeh I mean bokeh. Never said I was a professional. So you got me. Give your address and I'll send you your cookie!


As the OP already stated, he did indeed mean bokeh - the quality of the blur.  I'm also just a guy with a camera, but I know enough to pick up from "85mm prime" that he is referring to one of several available lenses that have a large maximum aperture, good optics (e.g. chromatic aberration correction), and a large number of diaphragm blades that all lead to the "buttery" bokeh people associate with high-end photography.  Primes don't have to compromise these things due to a lack of "stuff" that comes with zooms.  And depth of field is absolutely affected by focal length.  I could go into the physics, but it's getting late, and that's what Google is for.
 
2014-03-25 09:30:35 PM

dopekitty74: I thought there was a limit on how many people the hospital would allow to be in the room when birth is happening? Generally only the dad, or a substitute (my mom and aunt were with me for my first, my ex for the second)

/i live in canada
//maybe different rules here
///less extraneous people = more sanitary


Rules as explained to me during my wife's emergency c section:

Stand here.
Don't move
Don't get in the way
Don't touch anything
Let us know if you're going to faint
 
2014-03-25 09:31:37 PM

freetomato: DarkSoulNoHope: Why the fark is the man shirtless? He's in a farking hospital for farks sake!

/Hipsters: "What do you mean there's such a thing as Hospital Acquired Infections?!"

He's nursing, you insensitive ass!


I didn't know he was lactating, sorry.
 
2014-03-25 09:47:27 PM

skinink: " You can't blame the parents who are booking the $500-to-$2,000 sessions. "
Jeebus, $500 a session? I have a Canon Rebel xsi with a 85mm prime lens that takes the kind of fancy photos with the bokeh people like so much, and I'm a so-so photographer. I should jump on the bandwagon to make some easy money.

/Have DSLR. Will Travel.


$500 is a drop in the bucket for births. You'd be lucky if the doctor that only took the baby's temperature charged only $500. Then again, insurance probably isn't paying for the photographer.
 
2014-03-25 09:55:54 PM

Billy Liar: dopekitty74: I thought there was a limit on how many people the hospital would allow to be in the room when birth is happening? Generally only the dad, or a substitute (my mom and aunt were with me for my first, my ex for the second)

/i live in canada
//maybe different rules here
///less extraneous people = more sanitary

Well, you're gonna have a couple of guys sweeping, and somebody yelling, "Hurry hard! Hurry hard!"....
B^D


Lol :)
 
2014-03-25 10:04:48 PM
I've always considered birth a time of mourning.  Good farking luck in this rotten life, you poor little SOB.  Taking pictures for posterity seems beyond the pale, almost sadistic.

/this is the day your life began to end, little Timmy, one minute at a time!
//that's not veal!
 
2014-03-25 10:09:35 PM

FilmBELOH20: skinink: " You can't blame the parents who are booking the $500-to-$2,000 sessions. "
Jeebus, $500 a session? I have a Canon Rebel xsi with a 85mm prime lens that takes the kind of fancy photos with the bokeh people like so much, and I'm a so-so photographer. I should jump on the bandwagon to make some easy money.

/Have DSLR. Will Travel.

By "bokeh" do you mean "depth of field"?  Because those two things are completely different.  And usually saying "I have an 85mm prime" is followed or lead by "f1.4" or something similar to describe the aperture of the lens.  Speed of the lens is how one achieves depth of field, not by focal length.So i
In other words, you are not a professional photographer, you're a guy with a camera.  There's a pretty big difference.


Actually, increasing focal length reduces depth of field. I use my 70-300 f/4.5 for bokeh shots all the time, even at relatively close ranges. You don't need a wide aperture (< f/2) lens to get bokeh, a long lens with standard aperture will work just fine.

No, not a pro, and no desire to be one. The difference between being a crazy good amateur and a mediocre pro is a LOT of effort, and a lot of boring work...
 
2014-03-25 10:37:20 PM
People who have children are not special.
 
2014-03-25 10:49:52 PM

PleaseHamletDon'tHurtEm: I've always considered birth a time of mourning.  Good farking luck in this rotten life, you poor little SOB.  Taking pictures for posterity seems beyond the pale, almost sadistic.

/this is the day your life began to end, little Timmy, one minute at a time!
//that's not veal!



...and I came here to cheer up.....
 
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