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(Estately)   Surviving the zombie apocalypse depends on physical fitness, zombie knowledge, fighting experience, and... laser tag experience?   (blog.estately.com ) divider line
    More: Weird, laser tag, zombie apocalypse, good shape, fighting experience, hand-to-hand combat, Ironman Triathlon, lasers  
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1262 clicks; posted to Geek » on 24 Mar 2014 at 10:25 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



34 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-03-24 07:56:38 PM  
Actually, surviving the "zombie apocalypse" requires knowing zombies don't exist and even if they did killing other humans is the military's favorite pastime after farking and booze, and a force that has no strategy, no weapons or armor, cannot climb or swim, and moves slower than a brisk walk poses no threat at all to any adult with good knees and a 2x4.
 
2014-03-24 08:21:17 PM  
Makes sense.

Laser Tag == How to fight lots of people in tight constrained spaces, with occasional long sightlines and absolutely no one watching your back.

/Unless you CAN get someone to watch your back, seize and hold the good sniper nest, and have 4 of the top 5 scores be the people in your "nest".
//Of course, stubbornness will always beat skill when it comes to taking and holding ground in laser tag, so this is hard to do.  Someone who's willing to die 15 times to kill you once and monopolize all of your attention can TOTALLY take you out.  Or at least turn your attention away from the actual sniping.
 
2014-03-24 08:31:58 PM  

doglover: Actually, surviving the "zombie apocalypse" requires knowing zombies don't exist and even if they did killing other humans is the military's favorite pastime after farking and booze, and a force that has no strategy, no weapons or armor, cannot climb or swim, and moves slower than a brisk walk poses no threat at all to any adult with good knees and a 2x4.


And the trap is set.  Let's see where it takes us.

\also, link farked.  But here's a similar story someone posted online, I'm guessing?
\\hint: build a wall along the MA & NY borders and live in Northern New England
 
2014-03-24 08:41:18 PM  

doglover: Actually, surviving the "zombie apocalypse" requires knowing zombies don't exist and even if they did killing other humans is the military's favorite pastime after farking and booze, and a force that has no strategy, no weapons or armor, cannot climb or swim, and moves slower than a brisk walk poses no threat at all to any adult with good knees and a 2x4.


So it depends what's causing the zombie apocalypse.

Dead coming back?  Bomb the cemeteries.

You die, you insta-zombie?  Kill them, kill them all, and then build little bombs that go on necklaces around everyone's major limbs, that insta-cripple them upon death.  Monty Python Black Knight that shiat.

Airborne Disease?  Now that's hard since the people manning and inside your defensive lines are "turning". And honestly, this is probably the most likely since that's just bioweapons research.
 
2014-03-24 08:56:05 PM  
Hand-to-hand combat is an important skill when the ammo runs out (source-percentage of Facebook users who listed "martial arts" as an interest).

Aaaaand there's where I stopped reading.

What a martial arts enthusiast may look like.

/pow! behind the back, bust yo finger, that hurt, uh huh
 
2014-03-24 09:40:19 PM  

doglover: Actually, surviving the "zombie apocalypse" requires knowing zombies don't exist and even if they did killing other humans is the military's favorite pastime after farking and booze, and a force that has no strategy, no weapons or armor, cannot climb or swim, and moves slower than a brisk walk poses no threat at all to any adult with good knees and a 2x4.


I bet you're just loads of fun at parties!

/lighten up, Francis
 
2014-03-24 10:32:52 PM  

meyerkev: Airborne Disease? Now that's hard since the people manning and inside your defensive lines are "turning". And honestly, this is probably the most likely since that's just bioweapons research.


http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Literature/BlackTideRising

/2nd time today I've mentioned that series on Fark
 
2014-03-24 10:33:34 PM  
I always figured being that guy from Tremors would be the best during a zombie apocalypse. Didn't turn out so hot against graboids, but it'd be sufficient for zombies.
 
2014-03-24 10:34:14 PM  
Now we're flogging the contrived zombie apocalypse pop-culture fad to advertise real estate.
 
2014-03-24 10:38:41 PM  
Free idea for paintball fun:

Get 100 people from the local zombie walk to join you in a game of paintball vs zombies.
 
2014-03-24 10:43:36 PM  

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: Free idea for paintball fun:

Get 100 people from the local zombie walk to join you in a game of paintball vs zombies.


Getting shot in the head by a paintball isn't a lot of fun. . .

/I'll play, as one of the living humans
//"Boom, headshot!"
 
2014-03-24 10:57:19 PM  
Knowing how many shots I fire when I play laser tag, there's no amount of ammo in the world that would suffice if that were an indication of real life.
 
2014-03-24 11:24:49 PM  
I'm so over zombies. Laser tag, I miss! Growing up in Louisville we had an old Sears that was a Laser Tag arena. It was FPS before there was such a thing! And it was an under 21 dance joint on the weekends! 15 year old FPB managed some 2nd base action to The Cure, Prince, and INXS while the smoke machines hissed and half pints of vodka were surrepticiously passed. That's how over zombies I am. To the point of thread jacking.
 
2014-03-24 11:47:12 PM  
Americans are way too fat to fight off zombies
/75% of the fat pop will die the first night
 
2014-03-24 11:49:21 PM  

drjekel_mrhyde: Americans are way too fat to fight off zombies
/75% of the fat pop will die the first night


paleolife365.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-03-24 11:56:57 PM  

Brainsick: drjekel_mrhyde: Americans are way too fat to fight off zombies
/75% of the fat pop will die the first night

[paleolife365.files.wordpress.com image 300x207]


Tiny fist, etc.
 
2014-03-25 12:03:41 AM  
Anybody 'seriously' considering the ramifications of the Zombie Apocalypse need to remember two words. The. Living. Seriously, that's what the Walking Dead is all about. The 'Zeds' aren't going to be as big a problem as that gang of sex-starved bikers who decide they like your cozy little cabin with well-stocked bunker better than sleeping in the woods. The real survivors in a societal collapse are those who can re-establish (or, if you live in a small town, maintain) their own communities. IOW: The lone gunmen are going to be the second wave of casualties, after the fatties

First:
www.runnersworld.com

Then:
www.addictinginfo.org

and maybe in-between:
static.spiceworks.com
 
2014-03-25 12:27:15 AM  
Yeah yeah, laugh all you want.  I just know that cordyceps will evolve past arachnids and insects.  It'll be all Resident Evil 4 Wii up in here, yo!
 
2014-03-25 12:42:52 AM  

Brainsick: drjekel_mrhyde: Americans are way too fat to fight off zombies
/75% of the fat pop will die the first night

[paleolife365.files.wordpress.com image 300x207]


Except those weren't zombies, they were just sick people.
 
2014-03-25 12:47:33 AM  

ArcadianRefugee: Brainsick: drjekel_mrhyde: Americans are way too fat to fight off zombies
/75% of the fat pop will die the first night

[paleolife365.files.wordpress.com image 300x207]

Except those weren't zombies, they were just sick people.


Ok. You give them medicine, I'll start running...
 
2014-03-25 01:37:10 AM  
What bothers me here is that the mapmaker thinks geopolitical boundries not created by lakes and rivers will remain after the Zom-pocolypse.
 
2014-03-25 03:14:56 AM  
I live on the water and have plenty of ammo. I am good to go.
 
2014-03-25 04:48:07 AM  
I have AR-15, .357, and 9mm experience.

\m/

(yes, 223)
 
2014-03-25 06:53:22 AM  
Just wait it out. Maggots, bacteria, etc would make short work of them. Plus most zombies wouldn't be able to obtain the needed caloric intake to keep their bodies going. In the meantime, the military uses artillery and air strikes to hit large groups of zombies and tanks and mechanized infantry clear out small groups. Plus the 90 privately owned guns for every 100 Americans and the tens of millions of cars and trucks will come in handy.
 
2014-03-25 07:00:59 AM  
I'd have thought the ownership of guns and food/water stockpiles would rank higher on the list.
If you've got a disease that spreads by contact or biting and such, knives and bats won't exactly do. It also becomes a moot point after a week of no power, no food shipments, and local water supplies becoming contaminated.

doglover: Actually, surviving the "zombie apocalypse" requires knowing zombies don't exist and even if they did killing other humans is the military's favorite pastime after farking and booze, and a force that has no strategy, no weapons or armor, cannot climb or swim, and moves slower than a brisk walk poses no threat at all to any adult with good knees and a 2x4.


The military is a system, not a group of magic warriors who just appear out of thin air the moment someones ass is in trouble.
If they haven't deployed properly to stop a threat then it could take weeks before  they're even in gear. Vehicles and manpower will have to be shipped home to the hot spots and new logistical lines setup.
If you add five thousand men to a city with no supplies of its own available, you're just adding to the casualty pool no matter how great their skills in badassery.

When they get there, its still citizens mixed in with the threat.  Which means our bombers and other big weapon systems are useless.
The only weapons that will matter are small arms and IFV's. Maybe helicopters and A-10's, if there's fuel.
Assuming your using jumbos, ships, and trucks to get the survivors out, there is no fuel to spare.

/Sat in on a wargame for something similar once.
/Realized that things which seem simple at the outset are often hellishly complicated in the details...
 
2014-03-25 07:13:31 AM  
Does laser tag still exist?
 
2014-03-25 09:13:31 AM  

doglover: Actually, surviving the "zombie apocalypse" requires knowing zombies don't exist and even if they did killing other humans is the military's favorite pastime after farking and booze, and a force that has no strategy, no weapons or armor, cannot climb or swim, and moves slower than a brisk walk poses no threat at all to any adult with good knees and a 2x4.


Except:  "It's my mom, you can't kill her.  She's just sick."

...and the dude shoots the guy trying to shoot his mom.
 
2014-03-25 09:54:32 AM  

manimal2878: doglover: Actually, surviving the "zombie apocalypse" requires knowing zombies don't exist and even if they did killing other humans is the military's favorite pastime after farking and booze, and a force that has no strategy, no weapons or armor, cannot climb or swim, and moves slower than a brisk walk poses no threat at all to any adult with good knees and a 2x4.

Except:  "It's my mom, you can't kill her.  She's just sick."

...and the dude shoots the guy trying to shoot his mom.


That's what has been lost with this current group of World War Z / Zombie Survival Guide fans. The threat in the dead returning to life and walking around isn't "how do we kill them all?", it's "I can't shoot my Mom!" or "Baby, it'll be OK. We'll get you to a doctor! This isn't happening!"

The EMOTION is sapped out of the argument when guys like doglover say they'll just mow down BILLIONS of civilians without a second thought. Do you really think the average American National Guardsman is going to turn his flamethrower on a playground full of American children in his home state just because he was ordered to do so? Do you think a soldier is going to turn his gun on his buddy when he suddenly goes all ghoul-like in the middle of transport to the battle? Some will, perhaps, but considering there are around 7 BILLION people on Earth, I don't think there are nearly enough cold-blooded soldiers who can get past the initial horror of having to attack civilians. Most of the military would be wiped out in the first wave due to hesitation, panic, or simply being overwhelmed when the majority of people in their locale become part of the enemy ranks and don't react to bullets.

Then, of course, there's the fact that these soldiers are traditionally supported by civilians who are no longer making ammunition, growing food, acting as scientists, creating transportation and fuel, etc. -- Soldiers like to act like they're completely self-sufficient, but when the civilian workforce no longer exists they're going to have to do everything themselves. Nobody's sending them a ration pack or making gunpowder for them anymore. Nobody's manufacturing weapons. Nobody's around to treat their wounds or create prescription medications. They might survive a while on what's left in the world, but most of these tough "survivalist" types don't have a clue how to synthesize their allergy medication, mine for ore, or create gunpowder. When they get a toothache they have no choice but to use a pair of pliers to pull the thing out, and then they find that all the antibiotics are gone and they die of an oral infection.

Then there's just plain old FEAR. There's a massive difference between facing down 10,000 Nazis on a battlefield and standing your ground when a million bulletproof, rotting, smelly, horrifying-looking women, children, old people, friends, family, and neighbors are converging on you from all sides. This isn't a battle with an army that's coming from a specific direction with a plan. This is EVERYONE IN YOUR HOMETOWN bearing down on you wherever you look, and your ammo resupply being cut off because the guy driving the truck back to base is in there with the horde. This is watching your brothers-in-arms fall in battle, then GET UP AND ATTACK YOU soon after.

I think the gung-ho types seriously underestimate what they'd experience if it were them versus 6 billion shambling, bulletproof, unfeeling, uncaring, corpses that do not feel pain, hesitation, or fear, all wearing the faces of regular people of all ages and backgrounds.

Movies tend to make the ghouls into generic monsters, but the horror you'd feel if your child, your wife, your mother, your grandmother, your sister, your boss, et. al. suddenly lunged at you with intentions of killing you can not be overlooked.

Honestly, how many of these gung-ho "the soldiers would wipe them out" types really think they could shoot their 7-year-old kid in the ten seconds they have to make a decision about whether or not little Billy will pull through if you just get him to a doctor on time?

And this is assuming these are "shoot them in the head" ghouls, and not O'Bannon's "Return of the Living Dead" kind that are not destroyed by a brain shot. People act like if something like this were to happen, that the "destroy the brain" rule would be etched in stone. Who says it would be? And how do you deal with billions of enemies who are entirely immune to being shot?

No, the military would not clean this up quickly, and anyone who thinks so needs to stop sucking Max Brooks' dick. There would be no Battle of Yonkers; There would just be widespread horror and carnage as the soldiers turn upon themselves and die before they can ever mount an organized defense.
 
2014-03-25 10:02:04 AM  

way south: I'd have thought the ownership of guns and food/water stockpiles would rank higher on the list.
If you've got a disease that spreads by contact or biting and such, knives and bats won't exactly do. It also becomes a moot point after a week of no power, no food shipments, and local water supplies becoming contaminated.

doglover: Actually, surviving the "zombie apocalypse" requires knowing zombies don't exist and even if they did killing other humans is the military's favorite pastime after farking and booze, and a force that has no strategy, no weapons or armor, cannot climb or swim, and moves slower than a brisk walk poses no threat at all to any adult with good knees and a 2x4.

The military is a system, not a group of magic warriors who just appear out of thin air the moment someones ass is in trouble.
If they haven't deployed properly to stop a threat then it could take weeks before  they're even in gear. Vehicles and manpower will have to be shipped home to the hot spots and new logistical lines setup.
If you add five thousand men to a city with no supplies of its own available, you're just adding to the casualty pool no matter how great their skills in badassery.

When they get there, its still citizens mixed in with the threat.  Which means our bombers and other big weapon systems are useless.
The only weapons that will matter are small arms and IFV's. Maybe helicopters and A-10's, if there's fuel.
Assuming your using jumbos, ships, and trucks to get the survivors out, there is no fuel to spare.

/Sat in on a wargame for something similar once.
/Realized that things which seem simple at the outset are often hellishly complicated in the details...



Yes. You get it.

And again, this is not even considering the psychological effect of facing down millions or billions of enemies who are, by their very nature, incapable of suffering actual casualties.

Hell, I think you'd lose 1/8 the military simply from the horror/fear/smell. They'd puke their guts out or freeze on the spot.
 
2014-03-25 10:06:18 AM  

Enlightened Liberal: Just wait it out. Maggots, bacteria, etc would make short work of them. Plus most zombies wouldn't be able to obtain the needed caloric intake to keep their bodies going. In the meantime, the military uses artillery and air strikes to hit large groups of zombies and tanks and mechanized infantry clear out small groups. Plus the 90 privately owned guns for every 100 Americans and the tens of millions of cars and trucks will come in handy.


Again, you're assuming the rules of Romero's zombies would be in effect. What if it's O'Bannon zombies and none of those factors matter? Rotted to the bone? No problem; They're still moving somehow. Brain destroyed? Doesn't matter. They're still moving. On fire? The smoke just makes living people turn into these things, and the ones you burned are  still moving.

Yes, that's damned near magical... but we're talking about something we know to be impossible in the first place, so I don't get why you're applying rules of logic and known science in some places (caloric intake?) but ignoring it in others (CORPSES WALKING).
 
2014-03-25 10:50:11 AM  
VA has more military personnel stationed in it than any other state. The chart they used for that is number of residence of that state in the services, but just because you are a resident doesn't mean that you are stationed there. Heck just the norfolk naval shipyard is the largest military installation in the world. Pretty much everything about this chart is bad.
 
2014-03-25 12:20:35 PM  

Nix Nightbird: Enlightened Liberal: Just wait it out. Maggots, bacteria, etc would make short work of them. Plus most zombies wouldn't be able to obtain the needed caloric intake to keep their bodies going. In the meantime, the military uses artillery and air strikes to hit large groups of zombies and tanks and mechanized infantry clear out small groups. Plus the 90 privately owned guns for every 100 Americans and the tens of millions of cars and trucks will come in handy.

Again, you're assuming the rules of Romero's zombies would be in effect. What if it's O'Bannon zombies and none of those factors matter? Rotted to the bone? No problem; They're still moving somehow. Brain destroyed? Doesn't matter. They're still moving. On fire? The smoke just makes living people turn into these things, and the ones you burned are  still moving.

Yes, that's damned near magical... but we're talking about something we know to be impossible in the first place, so I don't get why you're applying rules of logic and known science in some places (caloric intake?) but ignoring it in others (CORPSES WALKING).




There are more real threats than walking dead. They just make a less morally questionable opponent.

The particular war game it was mentioning used the flu, and it had me obsessively washing my hands for the next few years.
Its not a bad habit to be afflicted with...

/few weeks of no food or potable water because of societal breakdown will turn people into zombies, for all purposes.
/angry, desperate, fully thinking zombies who would rip your face off for a can of soup.
/zombies out if people you might have known or loved.
/cities become human roach motels after quarantine. The authorities will leave you for dead if need be.
/gave me a good chuckle when I saw it brought out as the plot for "the division".
/gird your loins players, and stock up on hand sanitizer.
 
2014-03-25 01:24:12 PM  
The real threat are the other survivors who will handcuff you and forcefeed you disinfectant or rotten kiwis.

It's funny how the CDC hoax zombie page has stayed up to date.  What started as a joke has evolved.
Their reasoning is that if you are prepared for zombies, you will be prepared for most major emergency situations.
 
2014-03-25 03:03:51 PM  

Nix Nightbird: manimal2878: doglover: Actually, surviving the "zombie apocalypse" requires knowing zombies don't exist and even if they did killing other humans is the military's favorite pastime after farking and booze, and a force that has no strategy, no weapons or armor, cannot climb or swim, and moves slower than a brisk walk poses no threat at all to any adult with good knees and a 2x4.

Except:  "It's my mom, you can't kill her.  She's just sick."

...and the dude shoots the guy trying to shoot his mom.

That's what has been lost with this current group of World War Z / Zombie Survival Guide fans. The threat in the dead returning to life and walking around isn't "how do we kill them all?", it's "I can't shoot my Mom!" or "Baby, it'll be OK. We'll get you to a doctor! This isn't happening!"

The EMOTION is sapped out of the argument when guys like doglover say they'll just mow down BILLIONS of civilians without a second thought. Do you really think the average American National Guardsman is going to turn his flamethrower on a playground full of American children in his home state just because he was ordered to do so? Do you think a soldier is going to turn his gun on his buddy when he suddenly goes all ghoul-like in the middle of transport to the battle? Some will, perhaps, but considering there are around 7 BILLION people on Earth, I don't think there are nearly enough cold-blooded soldiers who can get past the initial horror of having to attack civilians. Most of the military would be wiped out in the first wave due to hesitation, panic, or simply being overwhelmed when the majority of people in their locale become part of the enemy ranks and don't react to bullets.

Then, of course, there's the fact that these soldiers are traditionally supported by civilians who are no longer making ammunition, growing food, acting as scientists, creating transportation and fuel, etc. -- Soldiers like to act like they're completely self-sufficient, but when the civilian workforce no longer exists they're going to have to do everything themselves. Nobody's sending them a ration pack or making gunpowder for them anymore. Nobody's manufacturing weapons. Nobody's around to treat their wounds or create prescription medications. They might survive a while on what's left in the world, but most of these tough "survivalist" types don't have a clue how to synthesize their allergy medication, mine for ore, or create gunpowder. When they get a toothache they have no choice but to use a pair of pliers to pull the thing out, and then they find that all the antibiotics are gone and they die of an oral infection.

Then there's just plain old FEAR. There's a massive difference between facing down 10,000 Nazis on a battlefield and standing your ground when a million bulletproof, rotting, smelly, horrifying-looking women, children, old people, friends, family, and neighbors are converging on you from all sides. This isn't a battle with an army that's coming from a specific direction with a plan. This is EVERYONE IN YOUR HOMETOWN bearing down on you wherever you look, and your ammo resupply being cut off because the guy driving the truck back to base is in there with the horde. This is watching your brothers-in-arms fall in battle, then GET UP AND ATTACK YOU soon after.

I think the gung-ho types seriously underestimate what they'd experience if it were them versus 6 billion shambling, bulletproof, unfeeling, uncaring, corpses that do not feel pain, hesitation, or fear, all wearing the faces of regular people of all ages and backgrounds.

Movies tend to make the ghouls into generic monsters, but the horror you'd feel if your child, your wife, your mother, your grandmother, your sister, your boss, et. al. suddenly lunged at you with intentions of killing you can not be overlooked.

Honestly, how many of these gung-ho "the soldiers would wipe them out" types really think they could shoot their 7-year-old kid in the ten seconds they have to make a decision about whether or not little Billy will pull through if you just get him to a doctor on time?

And this is assuming these are "shoot them in the head" ghouls, and not O'Bannon's "Return of the Living Dead" kind that are not destroyed by a brain shot. People act like if something like this were to happen, that the "destroy the brain" rule would be etched in stone. Who says it would be? And how do you deal with billions of enemies who are entirely immune to being shot?

No, the military would not clean this up quickly, and anyone who thinks so needs to stop sucking Max Brooks' dick. There would be no Battle of Yonkers; There would just be widespread horror and carnage as the soldiers turn upon themselves and die before they can ever mount an organized defense.


All true but take TWD: the governments around the world would never have their science facilities taken over.
 
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