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(Onion AV Club)   30 years ago today: "A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two-foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says, 'I suppose you won't be needing a drink.' Naked lady says--"   (avclub.com) divider line 99
    More: Cool, salamis, bartenders, blonde  
•       •       •

8929 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 24 Mar 2014 at 7:48 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



99 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2014-03-24 05:07:45 PM  
"Please turn off the surveillance Gamera."
 
2014-03-24 05:24:09 PM  
Bethany: Jersey's pretty far from McHenry, may I ask what brought you here?

Jay: Some fark named John Hughes.

Bethany: "16 Candles" John Hughes?

Jay: You know that guy too? That farkin' guy. He made this flick, "16 Candles". Not bad, there's tits in it but no bush. But Ebert over here don't give a shiat about that kind of thing, 'cause he's like, all in love with this John Hughes guy.

[Silent Bob shakes his head with a "whatever" look on his face]

Jay: He goes out and rents, like, every one of his movies. farkin' "Breakfast Club", where all these stupid kids actually show up for detention. farkin' "Weird Science", where this babe wants to take her gear off and get down, but oh no, she don't, 'cause it's a PG movie. And then "Pretty in Pink", which I can't even watch with this tubby biatch anymore 'cause every time he gets to the part where the redhead hooks up with her dream guy, he starts sobbin' like a little biatch with a skinned knee and shiat. And there's nothing worse than watching a farkin' fat man weep.

[Silent Bob blows out his cigarette smoke angrily]

Bethany: What exactly brought you to Illinois?

Jay: See, all these movies take place in this small town called Shermer in Illinois, where all the honeys are top-shelf but all the dudes are whiny pussies. Except for Judd Nelson, he was farkin' harsh.

[he and Silent Bob bump fists]

Jay: But best of all, there was no one dealin', man. And then it hits me: we could live like FAT rats if we were the blunt connection in Shermer, Illinois. So we collected some money we were owed and caught a bus. But you know what the fark we found out when we got there? There IS no Shermer in Illinois. Movies are farkin' bullshiat.
 
2014-03-24 06:41:14 PM  
Naked lady says--

Ooooohhhh shiat!!!
 
2014-03-24 06:42:47 PM  
"Just need some lube".
 
2014-03-24 07:01:15 PM  
One of the things that bugs me about the movie was Alison's image makeover at the end. Maybe it is supposed to be symbolic of her willingness to let be people be nice to her and not be such a loner or something, but it's a peeve when I see it today. Thought she looked fine before.

img2-1.timeinc.net
 
2014-03-24 07:13:46 PM  
What's all the ruckus over a movie anniversary?
 
2014-03-24 07:17:56 PM  

fusillade762: What's all the ruckus over a movie anniversary?


Old people problems.
 
2014-03-24 07:39:36 PM  

Mark Ratner: One of the things that bugs me about the movie was Alison's image makeover at the end. Maybe it is supposed to be symbolic of her willingness to let be people be nice to her and not be such a loner or something, but it's a peeve when I see it today. Thought she looked fine before.

[img2-1.timeinc.net image 610x610]


Yah, it was the symbolism. I agree she looked hot before the makeover too. But I'm so sorry- I'm going to jack off to that second pic. Again.
 
2014-03-24 07:52:02 PM  

fusillade762: What's all the ruckus over a movie anniversary?


What ruckus sir?
 
2014-03-24 07:55:10 PM  

Dingleberry Dickwad: fusillade762: What's all the ruckus over a movie anniversary?

What ruckus sir?


Could you describe the ruckus?
 
2014-03-24 07:55:33 PM  

Jekylman: Dingleberry Dickwad: fusillade762: What's all the ruckus over a movie anniversary?

What ruckus sir?

Could you describe the ruckus?


You mess with the bull you get the horns.
 
2014-03-24 07:56:49 PM  

Mark Ratner: One of the things that bugs me about the movie was Alison's image makeover


It's a horrible message.  Change who you are so the popular boy will like you!

They also all still take advantage of Brian having him write the assignment!  They even touch on it in the movie that nothing is going to change.  Monday morning Bender and Claire will ignore each other,  Emilio Estevez will quietly "break up" with Ally Sheedy when she slips back into her "weirdo" ways and he'll politely nod at Anthony Michael Hall, at best.
 
2014-03-24 07:57:15 PM  

PC LOAD LETTER: fusillade762: What's all the ruckus over a movie anniversary?

Old people problems.


-fwoosh-
 
2014-03-24 07:58:33 PM  

Mark Ratner: One of the things that bugs me about the movie was Alison's image makeover at the end. Maybe it is supposed to be symbolic of her willingness to let be people be nice to her and not be such a loner or something, but it's a peeve when I see it today. Thought she looked fine before.

[img2-1.timeinc.net image 610x610]


Claire was second best in this movie. Allison is who I'd be going for.

The one thing that bugged me (but didnt surprise me) was that Claire went for Judd Nelson's character despite him deliberately shiatting all over her. Girls are weird.
 
2014-03-24 07:59:44 PM  
I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture in your career.
 
2014-03-24 08:00:34 PM  
I think a screw fell out. Screws fall out the time, the world is imperfect place.
 
2014-03-24 08:01:09 PM  

OregonVet: Mark Ratner: One of the things that bugs me about the movie was Alison's image makeover at the end. Maybe it is supposed to be symbolic of her willingness to let be people be nice to her and not be such a loner or something, but it's a peeve when I see it today. Thought she looked fine before.

[img2-1.timeinc.net image 610x610]

Yah, it was the symbolism. I agree she looked hot before the makeover too. But I'm so sorry- I'm going to jack off to that second pic. Again.


Should have walked into Molly Ringwalds arms and started to go to town on each other...grab a handful of pixie sticks and head off to the womens room...
 
2014-03-24 08:01:44 PM  
"You wear tights?"

"I wear the required uniform."

"Tights."
 
2014-03-24 08:03:40 PM  

PC LOAD LETTER: fusillade762: What's all the ruckus over a movie anniversary?

Old people problems.


I'll tape you butt cheeks together.
 
2014-03-24 08:04:14 PM  

Zombie DJ: PC LOAD LETTER: fusillade762: What's all the ruckus over a movie anniversary?

Old people problems.

I'll tape you butt cheeks together.


That was you?
 
2014-03-24 08:05:41 PM  

gunther_bumpass: PC LOAD LETTER: fusillade762: What's all the ruckus over a movie anniversary?

Old people problems.

-fwoosh-


Yep. A resounding fwoosh.
 
2014-03-24 08:07:19 PM  

buntz: Mark Ratner: One of the things that bugs me about the movie was Alison's image makeover

It's a horrible message.  Change who you are so the popular boy will like you!

They also all still take advantage of Brian having him write the assignment!  They even touch on it in the movie that nothing is going to change.  Monday morning Bender and Claire will ignore each other,  Emilio Estevez will quietly "break up" with Ally Sheedy when she slips back into her "weirdo" ways and he'll politely nod at Anthony Michael Hall, at best.


Actually, as I look back at the movie now as an adult, it's really quite brilliant and captures something real about high school kids, and even some young adults. You take a kid from several of the different groups or cliques in a school and put them together, away from the rest of their group for an extended length of time and you'll find that they may start off rough and unfriendly towards each other, but they'll get along and do stuff they normally wouldn't if they were with their chosen group. Once released, they'll go right back to the status quo from before they were separated. The message wasn't "Change who you are and the boy will like you" at all. IIt was a commentary on teenager/young adult behavior.
 
2014-03-24 08:07:51 PM  
"No, but if I ever find the guy who stole my clothes and molested my poodle, I'll beat him to death with this salami."

/ Moo lair really pumps my nads
 
2014-03-24 08:08:18 PM  
I see this thread has potential for funny. Unfortunately I will miss most of it and will have to read it tomorrow. Probably after it closes.
 
2014-03-24 08:08:55 PM  
Was the movie Harvey?
 
2014-03-24 08:11:33 PM  

WTFDYW: I see this thread has potential for funny. Unfortunately I will miss most of it and will have to read it tomorrow. Probably after it closes.


You want to see something funny? You go visit John Bender in five thirty years. You'll see how goddamned funny he is.
 
2014-03-24 08:15:20 PM  

Bindyree: "No, but if I ever find the guy who stole my clothes and molested my poodle, I'll beat him to death with this salami."

/ Moo lair really pumps my nads


"Moliere"
"I love his work"
 
2014-03-24 08:20:29 PM  
How come he gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up! It'll be anarchy!
 
2014-03-24 08:23:21 PM  
Learned how to apply lipstick with my cleavage...Thanks Claire! That trick is always good for free drinks.
 
2014-03-24 08:24:59 PM  
Without lamps, there'd be no light.
 
2014-03-24 08:25:53 PM  

WordsnCollision: WTFDYW: I see this thread has potential for funny. Unfortunately I will miss most of it and will have to read it tomorrow. Probably after it closes.

You want to see something funny? You go visit John Bender in five thirty years. You'll see how goddamned funny he is.


Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?
 
2014-03-24 08:26:05 PM  
What if your DOPE was on fire?
 
2014-03-24 08:26:43 PM  

Marshmallow Jones: What if your DOPE was on fire?


Impossible sir. It's in Johnson's underpants.
 
2014-03-24 08:26:47 PM  
You guys are great.

c1.staticflickr.com
 
2014-03-24 08:37:57 PM  
Nice link.  Now shut up, biatch,  Go fix me a turkey pot pie.
 
2014-03-24 08:43:06 PM  
"What do you need a fake ID for?"

"So I can vote."
 
2014-03-24 08:44:15 PM  

okaykleek: I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture in your career.


You know the school comes equipped with fire exits at either end of the library
 
2014-03-24 08:44:33 PM  

Dingleberry Dickwad: It was a commentary on teenager/young adult behavior.


Are you suggesting the same thing doesn't happen to older people in similar social settings?
 
2014-03-24 08:44:54 PM  

WTFDYW: I see this thread has potential for funny. Unfortunately I will miss most of it and will have to read it tomorrow. Probably after it closes.


You can read it On The Boat!
 
2014-03-24 08:46:29 PM  

WordsnCollision: WTFDYW: I see this thread has potential for funny. Unfortunately I will miss most of it and will have to read it tomorrow. Probably after it closes.

You want to see something funny? You go visit John Bender in five thirty years. You'll see how goddamned funny he is.


Beautiful.
 
2014-03-24 08:47:09 PM  

WordsnCollision: WTFDYW: I see this thread has potential for funny. Unfortunately I will miss most of it and will have to read it tomorrow. Probably after it closes.

You want to see something funny? You go visit John Bender in five thirty years. You'll see how goddamned funny he is.

WTFDYW: gunther_bumpass: PC LOAD LETTER: fusillade762: What's all the ruckus over a movie anniversary?

Old people problems.

-fwoosh-

Yep. A resounding fwoosh.


I recommend he watch his ass, it's a heavy door.
 
2014-03-24 08:53:09 PM  
This thread is demented and sad.
 
2014-03-24 09:04:11 PM  

profplump: Dingleberry Dickwad: It was a commentary on teenager/young adult behavior.

Are you suggesting the same thing doesn't happen to older people in similar social settings?


Not quite. Teen and young adult groups/cliques tend to be more rigid with less crossing over of individuals between groups. As adults, many of those groups just kind of disappear, and you aren't likely to be made fun of by your peers for being around someone dissimilar from you.

For example, Joe is a stereotypical high school jock and Bob is a stereo typical high school nerd/dork/geek. If for some reason Joe were to hang out with Bob of his own free will and not because of a teacher assignment, Joe would typically receive a bit of a hazing from his buddies. If Joe were to continue hanging out with Bob, he would face possible ostracization from his jock buddies. Likewise Bob's buddies would likely be giving him shiat for hanging out with a dumb jock. All this despite it being quite possible that Joe and Bob get along surprisingly well and work ok together.

Now fast forward 10 years. Joe is still a sports nut and Bob is an IT consultant. If the two of them met up again and hung out together no one would think twice about it. Joe's current crop of buddies aren't likely to give him shiat or as much shiat for hanging around a poindexter.

I'll grant you I'm heavily oversimplifying it and going with older school groups as an example. I'm not even going to attempt to implement other social factors like financial standing and so forth. Yes some adults do the same thing, but to a far lesser degree than high school kids.
 
2014-03-24 09:06:04 PM  

cfroelic: This thread is demented and sad.


But social.
 
2014-03-24 09:06:09 PM  
... but Social.
 
2014-03-24 09:07:52 PM  

cfroelic: This thread is demented and sad.


You just bought yourself another Saturday.
 
2014-03-24 09:08:55 PM  

Old Huntstein: cfroelic: This thread is demented and sad.

You just bought yourself another Saturday.


Eat. My. Shorts.
 
2014-03-24 09:09:49 PM  

Old Huntstein: cfroelic: This thread is demented and sad.

You just bought yourself another Saturday.


How many is that?
 
2014-03-24 09:11:32 PM  
www.gonemovies.com

"HI-DAGA-DAGA!"
 
2014-03-24 09:12:11 PM  

cfroelic: Old Huntstein: cfroelic: This thread is demented and sad.

You just bought yourself another Saturday.

How many is that?


You want another?!
 
2014-03-24 09:13:18 PM  

zamboni: cfroelic: Old Huntstein: cfroelic: This thread is demented and sad.

You just bought yourself another Saturday.

How many is that?

You want another?!


Yes!
 
2014-03-24 09:15:44 PM  
kingshamus.files.wordpress.com

"Who am I?  Who AM I?"
 
2014-03-24 09:16:17 PM  
i669.photobucket.com
 
2014-03-24 09:17:14 PM  

Dingleberry Dickwad: fusillade762: What's all the ruckus over a movie anniversary?

What ruckus sir?


www.hiltonheadmonthly.com

What a Ruckus might look like.
 
2014-03-24 09:18:14 PM  

Tom_Slick: Jekylman: Dingleberry Dickwad: fusillade762: What's all the ruckus over a movie anniversary?

What ruckus sir?

Could you describe the ruckus?

You mess with the bull you get the horns.


Your ass is mine next Saturday, and the Saturday after that, you wanna go for a month?
 
2014-03-24 09:18:36 PM  
i.imgur.com

Hi guys. What's going on in this thread?
 
2014-03-24 09:20:45 PM  
1.bp.blogspot.com

"By the way, that clock's five minutes fast."
 
2014-03-24 09:23:53 PM  

100 Watt Walrus: [i.imgur.com image 400x500]

Hi guys. What's going on in this thread?


30 years makes a helluva difference.
 
2014-03-24 09:30:10 PM  
I would personally like to thank everyone for not posting any pictures of that guy with elephantitus of the nuts.
 
2014-03-24 09:30:52 PM  

Dingleberry Dickwad: zamboni: cfroelic: Old Huntstein: cfroelic: This thread is demented and sad.

You just bought yourself another Saturday.

How many is that?

You want another?!

Yes!


Next time I have to come in here, I'm cracking skulls
 
2014-03-24 09:38:23 PM  

Lorenzo Von Matterhorn: I would personally like to thank everyone for not posting any pictures of that guy with elephantitus of the nuts.


You'd date him if given the chance, but you'd have to sit in the back of his car cuz his nuts would ride shotgun.
 
2014-03-24 09:40:01 PM  

WTFDYW: gunther_bumpass: PC LOAD LETTER: fusillade762: What's all the ruckus over a movie anniversary?

Old people problems.

-fwoosh-

Yep. A resounding fwoosh.


Saw the movie only in the 80's. I have old people problems.
 
2014-03-24 10:06:05 PM  

WTFDYW: 100 Watt Walrus: [i.imgur.com image 400x500]

Hi guys. What's going on in this thread?

30 years makes a helluva difference.


Just half that made a lot of difference (as Bill Gates in Pirates of Silicon Valley)
i.imgur.com
 
2014-03-24 10:12:48 PM  

PC LOAD LETTER: WTFDYW: gunther_bumpass: PC LOAD LETTER: fusillade762: What's all the ruckus over a movie anniversary?

Old people problems.

-fwoosh-

Yep. A resounding fwoosh.

Saw the movie only in the 80's. I have old people problems.


jeffgoldblumslaugh.files.wordpress.com

When you grow up, your heart dies.
 
2014-03-24 10:15:01 PM  

okaykleek: PC LOAD LETTER: WTFDYW: gunther_bumpass: PC LOAD LETTER: fusillade762: What's all the ruckus over a movie anniversary?

Old people problems.

-fwoosh-

Yep. A resounding fwoosh.

Saw the movie only in the 80's. I have old people problems.

[jeffgoldblumslaugh.files.wordpress.com image 300x169]

When you grow up, your heart dies.


Who cares?
 
2014-03-24 10:18:38 PM  
Something something neo maxi zoom dweebie.
 
2014-03-24 10:18:45 PM  
Hey, next year can we repeat this thread for St. Elmo's Fire?
 
2014-03-24 10:40:58 PM  

WTFDYW: I see this thread has potential for funny. Unfortunately I will miss most of it and will have to read it tomorrow. Probably after it closes.


By the way, that clock's 20 minutes fast.
 
2014-03-24 10:42:13 PM  
"You won't accept a guy's tongue in your mouth, but you're going to eat THAT?"
 
2014-03-24 10:44:42 PM  
All I know about this movie I learned from Psych.
 
2014-03-24 11:29:11 PM  

Mark Ratner: One of the things that bugs me about the movie was Alison's image makeover at the end. Maybe it is supposed to be symbolic of her willingness to let be people be nice to her and not be such a loner or something, but it's a peeve when I see it today. Thought she looked fine before.

[img2-1.timeinc.net image 610x610]


Yeah that's bullshiat. She was fine as a goth.
 
2014-03-24 11:31:59 PM  
Are you going to be like a shopping bag lady?
 
2014-03-24 11:34:28 PM  

Mark Ratner: okaykleek: I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture in your career.

You know the school comes equipped with fire exits at either end of the library


Show Dick some respect!
 
2014-03-24 11:47:19 PM  
okaykleek:
img.fark.net

"Who am I?  Who AM I?"

pixdaus.com
 
2014-03-24 11:48:28 PM  
24.media.tumblr.com

/Close to being one of the first 'up-skirts' I ever saw.
 
2014-03-24 11:56:18 PM  
Stunt crotch?  Or Molly Ringwald?
 
2014-03-24 11:57:45 PM  
Met Ally Sheedy once.

Very nice woman.
 
2014-03-25 12:26:06 AM  

cfroelic: Nice link.  Now shut up, biatch,  Go fix me a turkey pot pie.


No, dad.  What about you?
 
2014-03-25 12:31:08 AM  

ferretman: /Close to being one of the first 'up-skirts' I ever saw.


It was a BANNER year in the Bender household!
 
2014-03-25 03:37:56 AM  

whooter: Stunt crotch?  Or Molly Ringwald?


img.fark.net
 
2014-03-25 04:01:25 AM  
Come on Sporto, level with me. Did you slip her the hot beef injection?
 
2014-03-25 07:26:23 AM  
i26.photobucket.com

Due the massive amounts of butthurt that gets suffered these days Im sure this scene will be edited out at some point
 
2014-03-25 07:33:38 AM  
Thanks for making me feel old.
 
2014-03-25 07:52:05 AM  

PC LOAD LETTER: fusillade762: What's all the ruckus over a movie anniversary?

Old people problems.


Why don't ya'll go Instagram a photo of today's lunch and let the adults talk.
 
2014-03-25 08:00:39 AM  

cfroelic: This thread is demented and sad.


You know what I say to that?

Hey...Smoke up Johnny.
 
2014-03-25 08:50:57 AM  

Nem Wan: Just half that made a lot of difference (as Bill Gates in Pirates of Silicon Valley)


Man, now I have to find where I put that movie.
 
2014-03-25 09:07:49 AM  

4.bp.blogspot.com


 
2014-03-25 09:10:16 AM  

big.assets.huffingtonpost.com

 
2014-03-25 09:28:45 AM  

cfroelic: This thread is demented and sad.


but kinda social?
 
2014-03-25 09:36:10 AM  
hey hey hey

don't you
 
2014-03-25 09:38:35 AM  

Dingleberry Dickwad: buntz: Mark Ratner: One of the things that bugs me about the movie was Alison's image makeover

It's a horrible message.  Change who you are so the popular boy will like you!

They also all still take advantage of Brian having him write the assignment!  They even touch on it in the movie that nothing is going to change.  Monday morning Bender and Claire will ignore each other,  Emilio Estevez will quietly "break up" with Ally Sheedy when she slips back into her "weirdo" ways and he'll politely nod at Anthony Michael Hall, at best.

Actually, as I look back at the movie now as an adult, it's really quite brilliant and captures something real about high school kids, and even some young adults. You take a kid from several of the different groups or cliques in a school and put them together, away from the rest of their group for an extended length of time and you'll find that they may start off rough and unfriendly towards each other, but they'll get along and do stuff they normally wouldn't if they were with their chosen group. Once released, they'll go right back to the status quo from before they were separated. The message wasn't "Change who you are and the boy will like you" at all. IIt was a commentary on teenager/young adult behavior.


I insisted my son watch this when he was 14 (2009), and believe it or not, the themes of the movie resonated with him.  Nothing has changed with youth and high schools.
 
2014-03-25 09:49:05 AM  
breakfastclub-teaching.wikispaces.com

 PB & J with the crusts cut off...Well Brian, this is a very nutritous lunch, all the food groups are represented.
 
2014-03-25 10:41:58 AM  

fearmongert: ferretman: /Close to being one of the first 'up-skirts' I ever saw.

It was a BANNER year in the Bender household!


What a Bender household might look like:

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2014-03-25 12:49:55 PM  
Back in the late nineties / early zeros, there was an 80's throwback place on Varick street in the village called Culture Club and they played that movie on a loop on all their tvs (sound off and throwback music overhead). Then they changed the name to Nirvana and became a Grunge throwback club.

The model was apparently to appeal to the nostalgia of late 20 somethings who have finally got a bit of disposable income. Which means now it's probably a Limp Bizket  / Puddle of Mud revival. Ugh.
 
2014-03-25 02:29:01 PM  

whooter: Stunt crotch?  Or Molly Ringwald?


Heh, Like it matters?

/as long as it's not Anthony Michael Hall's, of course.
 
2014-03-25 02:54:23 PM  

ltdanman44: [breakfastclub-teaching.wikispaces.com image 640x352]

 PB & J with the crusts cut off...Well Brian, this is a very nutritous lunch, all the food groups are represented.


Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?

No.....Mr. Johnson.
 
2014-03-25 04:42:01 PM  
What always bugged me is this:  If Bender's such a bad-ass, why does he bother showing up for detention?  A real bad-ass would blow it off to see what the Admin does!  Do they suspend him?  Okay, fine with him!  Do they expel him?  Big deal to him, and they lose state/federal funding for 1 student!  Bender can't lose!!
 
2014-03-25 08:59:30 PM  

indy_kid: What always bugged me is this:  If Bender's such a bad-ass, why does he bother showing up for detention?


He knew Molly Ringwald would be there. Why do you think he dressed up for the occasion?
 
2014-03-25 09:04:39 PM  

indy_kid: What always bugged me is this:  If Bender's such a bad-ass, why does he bother showing up for detention?  A real bad-ass would blow it off to see what the Admin does!  Do they suspend him?  Okay, fine with him!  Do they expel him?  Big deal to him, and they lose state/federal funding for 1 student!  Bender can't lose!!


Probably because he didn't feel like getting a beat down from his old man when the school called the parents to tell them he missed detention.
 
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