If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Venture Beat)   My mom reviews Dark Souls II   (venturebeat.com) divider line 38
    More: Amusing, Dark Souls, GamesBeat  
•       •       •

3715 clicks; posted to Geek » on 24 Mar 2014 at 6:00 PM (18 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



38 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-03-24 05:53:00 PM
This is the format that I want all video game reviews to be in, from now on.
 
2014-03-24 05:59:23 PM
mom cleavage
 
2014-03-24 06:11:02 PM
"If it's better, why does it take longer now?"
That is the best goddamn question any video game reviewer could ask.
 
2014-03-24 06:11:08 PM

Klippoklondike: mom cleavage


His mom looks like a girl I used to date (obviously aged 30 more years).

Short, stacked, blonde, blue eyed, smart, and wild in bed.

Sadly, the problem was me.

/off to kill myself now I guess.
 
2014-03-24 06:17:43 PM
WHAT RINGS YOU GOT BITHC?
 
2014-03-24 06:25:27 PM
moviesmedia.ign.com
"I hate violence, but drugs ARE bad."
 
2014-03-24 06:27:23 PM
Is it as terrible as the original Dark Souls?
 
2014-03-24 06:27:44 PM
His mom lasted longer than I did before dying.

I wasn't paying attention and fell right off the ledge.
 
2014-03-24 06:35:32 PM

Craw Fu: Is it as terrible as the original Dark Souls?


Sounds like someone couldn't make it through the Undead Burg.
 
2014-03-24 06:43:11 PM

lousyskater: Craw Fu: Is it as terrible as the original Dark Souls?

Sounds like someone couldn't make it through the Undead Burg.


*cries*

/I hate that game.
//Not because it sucked, but because I suck.
 
2014-03-24 06:46:10 PM

lousyskater: Craw Fu: Is it as terrible as the original Dark Souls?

Sounds like someone couldn't make it through the Undead Burg.


I actually beat Dark Souls.  It just wasn't in any way what I would describe as 'fun'.  Too many cheap deaths.  Too much grinding through stuff over and over to build up experience and too much repetition in general.  The camera was problematic.  There was a real lack of explanation of what items you would find did.  There was a lack of direction on where you should go or what you should be doing - several times I walked into an area and got slaughtered because I wasn't ready to go there yet or needed to get something first before I could survive.  The whole game was irritating and not fun in any sense of the word.  I would rather get kicked in the crotch than play another Dark Souls game.
 
2014-03-24 06:49:05 PM
Guy: Also, he's wearing medieval armor.

Mom: Well, the way kids dress today, who knows.

[We wait for the install again.]

Mom: I could have dried and folded a load of clothes already.


LOL
 
2014-03-24 07:16:42 PM
She knew what a milibar was?
 
2014-03-24 07:24:05 PM

Craw Fu: I actually beat Dark Souls. It just wasn't in any way what I would describe as 'fun'. Too many cheap deaths. Too much grinding through stuff over and over to build up experience and too much repetition in general. The camera was problematic. There was a real lack of explanation of what items you would find did. There was a lack of direction on where you should go or what you should be doing - several times I walked into an area and got slaughtered because I wasn't ready to go there yet or needed to get something first before I could survive. The whole game was irritating and not fun in any sense of the word. I would rather get kicked in the crotch than play another Dark Souls game.


I think that's the charm of the Souls games. I didn't think it was ever unfair to the player.

It simply said "Here are some challenges, now find a way to beat them."
 
2014-03-24 07:34:23 PM

Craw Fu: lousyskater: Craw Fu: Is it as terrible as the original Dark Souls?

Sounds like someone couldn't make it through the Undead Burg.

I actually beat Dark Souls.  It just wasn't in any way what I would describe as 'fun'.  Too many cheap deaths.  Too much grinding through stuff over and over to build up experience and too much repetition in general.  The camera was problematic.  There was a real lack of explanation of what items you would find did.  There was a lack of direction on where you should go or what you should be doing - several times I walked into an area and got slaughtered because I wasn't ready to go there yet or needed to get something first before I could survive.  The whole game was irritating and not fun in any sense of the word.  I would rather get kicked in the crotch than play another Dark Souls game.


It really sounds like you need a game that holds your hand every step and keeps you on rails. And the game isn't grindy at all if you're just looking to beat it, the game relies less on actual leveling and more on your personal skill. It was all a big exercise in learning from your mistakes. If something doesn't work, try something else.
 
2014-03-24 07:55:16 PM
If you had to grind in Dark Souls, you're playing it wrong.
 
2014-03-24 08:09:44 PM
I'm hoping for "My son cooks for four kids and a grumpy man" transcripts.
As much as I like the idea of having a non-gaming person's honest opinion about a game as in "It's so brutal" or "Why does it take so long to start?" - which is the intent, I hope -, reading 4 pages of someone asking about controls clearly needs some editing, it sounds too much like "Ah! Old people are clueless".

/my mom was a champ at Boulder Dash and Fruity Frank, back in the days, and she had polyarthritis (still has). Farking. Metal.
 
2014-03-24 08:12:01 PM

lousyskater: Craw Fu: lousyskater: Craw Fu: Is it as terrible as the original Dark Souls?

Sounds like someone couldn't make it through the Undead Burg.

I actually beat Dark Souls.  It just wasn't in any way what I would describe as 'fun'.  Too many cheap deaths.  Too much grinding through stuff over and over to build up experience and too much repetition in general.  The camera was problematic.  There was a real lack of explanation of what items you would find did.  There was a lack of direction on where you should go or what you should be doing - several times I walked into an area and got slaughtered because I wasn't ready to go there yet or needed to get something first before I could survive.  The whole game was irritating and not fun in any sense of the word.  I would rather get kicked in the crotch than play another Dark Souls game.

It really sounds like you need a game that holds your hand every step and keeps you on rails. And the game isn't grindy at all if you're just looking to beat it, the game relies less on actual leveling and more on your personal skill. It was all a big exercise in learning from your mistakes. If something doesn't work, try something else.


This is why many people (myself included) will never touch a Dark Souls game, because its catered towards tryhard assholes whose only response is "get good" anytime someone has a legitimate critique of the game.
 
2014-03-24 08:13:15 PM

Craw Fu: lousyskater: Craw Fu: Is it as terrible as the original Dark Souls?

Sounds like someone couldn't make it through the Undead Burg.

I actually beat Dark Souls.  It just wasn't in any way what I would describe as 'fun'.  Too many cheap deaths.  Too much grinding through stuff over and over to build up experience and too much repetition in general.  The camera was problematic.  There was a real lack of explanation of what items you would find did.  There was a lack of direction on where you should go or what you should be doing - several times I walked into an area and got slaughtered because I wasn't ready to go there yet or needed to get something first before I could survive.  The whole game was irritating and not fun in any sense of the word.  I would rather get kicked in the crotch than play another Dark Souls game.


You ever play a game made before the 3D era?
 
2014-03-24 08:14:41 PM

Craw Fu: lousyskater: Craw Fu: Is it as terrible as the original Dark Souls?

Sounds like someone couldn't make it through the Undead Burg.

I actually beat Dark Souls.  It just wasn't in any way what I would describe as 'fun'.  Too many cheap deaths.  Too much grinding through stuff over and over to build up experience and too much repetition in general.  The camera was problematic.  There was a real lack of explanation of what items you would find did.  There was a lack of direction on where you should go or what you should be doing - several times I walked into an area and got slaughtered because I wasn't ready to go there yet or needed to get something first before I could survive.  The whole game was irritating and not fun in any sense of the word.  I would rather get kicked in the crotch than play another Dark Souls game.


And yet...you spent the requisite 30/40/whatever hours of your life to finish it. I call bullsh*t. On some level you enjoyed it.
 
2014-03-24 08:23:27 PM

Craw Fu: I would rather get kicked in the crotch than play another Dark Souls game.


Loved it. Beat NG+. Working my way through a different build now.

AntonChigger: This is why many people (myself included) will never touch a Dark Souls game, because its catered towards tryhard assholes whose only response is "get good" anytime someone has a legitimate critique of the game.


i.imgur.com
 
2014-03-24 08:44:41 PM

AntonChigger: lousyskater: Craw Fu: lousyskater: Craw Fu: Is it as terrible as the original Dark Souls?

Sounds like someone couldn't make it through the Undead Burg.

I actually beat Dark Souls.  It just wasn't in any way what I would describe as 'fun'.  Too many cheap deaths.  Too much grinding through stuff over and over to build up experience and too much repetition in general.  The camera was problematic.  There was a real lack of explanation of what items you would find did.  There was a lack of direction on where you should go or what you should be doing - several times I walked into an area and got slaughtered because I wasn't ready to go there yet or needed to get something first before I could survive.  The whole game was irritating and not fun in any sense of the word.  I would rather get kicked in the crotch than play another Dark Souls game.

It really sounds like you need a game that holds your hand every step and keeps you on rails. And the game isn't grindy at all if you're just looking to beat it, the game relies less on actual leveling and more on your personal skill. It was all a big exercise in learning from your mistakes. If something doesn't work, try something else.

This is why many people (myself included) will never touch a Dark Souls game, because its catered towards tryhard assholes whose only response is "get good" anytime someone has a legitimate critique of the game.


Yep.

'I did not enjoy this game'

OMFG YOU SUCK SO MUCH AND YOU FAIL AT LIFE AND so on and so on.  Just because people don't enjoy directionless, cheapass, grindfests, doesn't mean you're 'better' than them.  I just means you enjoy a different TYPE of challenge than they do and derive rewards from a different type of challenge.

It's like saying people are 'wrong' for enjoying certain types of media. No, they just enjoy a different farking thing.
 
2014-03-24 09:37:32 PM

kroonermanblack: Klippoklondike: mom cleavage

His mom looks like a girl I used to date (obviously aged 30 more years).

Short, stacked, blonde, blue eyed, smart, and wild in bed.

Sadly, the problem was me.

/off to kill myself now I guess.


A: That kid is a dick
B: How did you know his mom is wild in bed.
C: Ask how we all know your mom is wild in bed.
 
2014-03-24 10:31:17 PM

Barry Lyndon's Annuity Cheque: His mom lasted longer than I did before dying.

I wasn't paying attention and fell right off the ledge.


So did she. Like 15 times...
 
2014-03-24 10:34:02 PM

Dancis_Frake: I'm hoping for "My son cooks for four kids and a grumpy man" transcripts.
As much as I like the idea of having a non-gaming person's honest opinion about a game as in "It's so brutal" or "Why does it take so long to start?" - which is the intent, I hope -, reading 4 pages of someone asking about controls clearly needs some editing, it sounds too much like "Ah! Old people are clueless".

/my mom was a champ at Boulder Dash and Fruity Frank, back in the days, and she had polyarthritis (still has). Farking. Metal.


It's funny overall, but it got a little long in the tooth about halfway through, I agree. There were still a few funnies, but the best really was at the beginning. I still feel like this was a fun thing to come across, but they definitely could have edited it, or moved it in a more entertaining direction.
 
2014-03-25 12:57:46 AM
Dark Souls was unadulterated carp.. good to see they've stuck with the winning formula...

The surprising thing is the number of mouth-breathers out there who insist the game has entertainment value and content...
 
2014-03-25 01:53:45 AM
Couldn't get past the first page. Learn to edit out the boring shiat.
 
2014-03-25 01:56:10 AM
Dark Souls is the best game of the last few years and the second one is shaping up to be just as good. It's not even that hard of a game, but it's skill based. A lot of people don't like that for the simple reason they suck at video games and expect a simple don't try experience, like a Fable, or a Call of Duty.
i65.photobucket.com
Weakness: tears.
 
2014-03-25 02:01:36 AM

AgentPothead: it's skill based. A lot of people don't like that for the simple reason they suck at video games


Warning: Manly-man hardcore-heroes present. Lock up your wimmin!
 
2014-03-25 02:23:18 AM
Your (mom's) Blog Sucks
 
2014-03-25 02:49:00 AM

Uakronkid: Craw Fu: lousyskater: Craw Fu: Is it as terrible as the original Dark Souls?

Sounds like someone couldn't make it through the Undead Burg.

I actually beat Dark Souls.  It just wasn't in any way what I would describe as 'fun'.  Too many cheap deaths.  Too much grinding through stuff over and over to build up experience and too much repetition in general.  The camera was problematic.  There was a real lack of explanation of what items you would find did.  There was a lack of direction on where you should go or what you should be doing - several times I walked into an area and got slaughtered because I wasn't ready to go there yet or needed to get something first before I could survive.  The whole game was irritating and not fun in any sense of the word.  I would rather get kicked in the crotch than play another Dark Souls game.

You ever play a game made before the 3D era?


Yep.  I've been playing games since the Atari 2600.

The problem with Dark Souls is that it's entirely predicated on being 'the most difficult game ever made' (according to the developers) and as a result is only about bragging rights.  That's the whole reason I stuck it out until the end, just to combat the inevitable 'you didn't like it because you suck' nonsense.  It's really a lesson in how games shouldn't be made.  Games can be difficult and still fun, like Ninja Gaiden Black.  There's no fun to be had in Dark Souls, though.

I'm currently logging hours into Diablo III and waiting for my expansion pack.  See Blizzard for a developer that knows how to make fun games.
 
2014-03-25 03:06:21 AM
 
2014-03-25 05:20:38 AM

Trocadero: "If it's better, why does it take longer now?"
That is the best goddamn question any video game reviewer could ask.


This - my immediate reaction was, this lady is a good deal smarter than her smug little sonny-boy. And the rest of the "interview" bears that out.
 
2014-03-25 07:34:20 AM

RockofAges: Try Path of Exile.


Excellent advice.
 
2014-03-25 08:07:42 AM

lousyskater: Craw Fu: lousyskater: Craw Fu: Is it as terrible as the original Dark Souls?

Sounds like someone couldn't make it through the Undead Burg.

I actually beat Dark Souls.  It just wasn't in any way what I would describe as 'fun'.  Too many cheap deaths.  Too much grinding through stuff over and over to build up experience and too much repetition in general.  The camera was problematic.  There was a real lack of explanation of what items you would find did.  There was a lack of direction on where you should go or what you should be doing - several times I walked into an area and got slaughtered because I wasn't ready to go there yet or needed to get something first before I could survive.  The whole game was irritating and not fun in any sense of the word.  I would rather get kicked in the crotch than play another Dark Souls game.

It really sounds like you need a game that holds your hand every step and keeps you on rails. And the game isn't grindy at all if you're just looking to beat it, the game relies less on actual leveling and more on your personal skill. It was all a big exercise in learning from your mistakes. If something doesn't work, try something else.


If you don't like Dark Souls you're a total hoser and your opinion on games isn't relevant to the conversation because reasons! Go play Sesame Street or something!

Dark Souls was dumb (and yes, I beat it as well). There was nothing interesting or unique about it. You were a rat in a maze, being taught by negative reinforcement. They essentially regressed gaming 20yrs and just repackaged ET.
 
2014-03-25 08:10:34 AM

RockofAges: Main reason? It wasn't Diablo. It was "grind for gold, vend your useless crap, and then visit the AH and buy new gear for your guy ever 3 levels". That's not Diablo, that's farking WoW, and it doesn't belong in my lootfest.


In fairness, we used to call WoW "Diablo 3" because it had basically the same mechanics, pacing, and quest paradigm as Diablo 2.  It didn't even start to drift away from that until the third expansion, so it's not all that surprising they carried some back over when they went back to diablo for realsies.
 
2014-03-25 08:48:43 AM

Craw Fu: lousyskater: Craw Fu: Is it as terrible as the original Dark Souls?

Sounds like someone couldn't make it through the Undead Burg.

I actually beat Dark Souls.  It just wasn't in any way what I would describe as 'fun'.  Too many cheap deaths.  Too much grinding through stuff over and over to build up experience and too much repetition in general.  The camera was problematic.  There was a real lack of explanation of what items you would find did.  There was a lack of direction on where you should go or what you should be doing - several times I walked into an area and got slaughtered because I wasn't ready to go there yet or needed to get something first before I could survive.  The whole game was irritating and not fun in any sense of the word.  I would rather get kicked in the crotch than play another Dark Souls game.


Dark Souls does not think you are a precious snowflake. It does not hold your hand to lead you on the candy path to funtown.
 
2014-03-25 08:56:01 AM

Craw Fu: Uakronkid: Craw Fu: lousyskater: Craw Fu: Is it as terrible as the original Dark Souls?

Sounds like someone couldn't make it through the Undead Burg.

I actually beat Dark Souls.  It just wasn't in any way what I would describe as 'fun'.  Too many cheap deaths.  Too much grinding through stuff over and over to build up experience and too much repetition in general.  The camera was problematic.  There was a real lack of explanation of what items you would find did.  There was a lack of direction on where you should go or what you should be doing - several times I walked into an area and got slaughtered because I wasn't ready to go there yet or needed to get something first before I could survive.  The whole game was irritating and not fun in any sense of the word.  I would rather get kicked in the crotch than play another Dark Souls game.

You ever play a game made before the 3D era?

Yep.  I've been playing games since the Atari 2600.

The problem with Dark Souls is that it's entirely predicated on being 'the most difficult game ever made' (according to the developers) and as a result is only about bragging rights.  That's the whole reason I stuck it out until the end, just to combat the inevitable 'you didn't like it because you suck' nonsense.  It's really a lesson in how games shouldn't be made.  Games can be difficult and still fun, like Ninja Gaiden Black.  There's no fun to be had in Dark Souls, though.

I'm currently logging hours into Diablo III and waiting for my expansion pack.  See Blizzard for a developer that knows how to make fun games.


You don't like grinding and you play Blizard games? Riiiiight.
 
Displayed 38 of 38 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report