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(Mediaite)   "Noah" movie not biblically accurate, claims man who believes God sent his word in coded messages via golden plates to a Utah con man   (mediaite.com) divider line 72
    More: Ironic, Utah, golden plates, massacres  
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1499 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 24 Mar 2014 at 4:14 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



72 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-03-24 02:36:12 PM  
Subby, Joseph Smith died before the Mormon's went to Utah.
 
2014-03-24 02:44:22 PM  
Neither Noah nor Glenn Beck actually ever existed.
 
2014-03-24 02:49:01 PM  

naughtyrev: Subby, Joseph Smith died before the Mormon's went to Utah.


No, I think he meant his evil twin, Joseph Sith.
 
2014-03-24 02:55:18 PM  
I hear they left out the part with the guys who discover putting peanut butter in chocolate.
 
2014-03-24 03:01:41 PM  

JerseyTim: I hear they left out the part with the guys who discover putting peanut butter in chocolate.


OMG That was my favorite Goats comic strip.
 
2014-03-24 04:12:13 PM  

naughtyrev: Subby, Joseph Smith died before the Mormon's went to Utah.


Yep,  Joseph Smith was a New York con man.
 
2014-03-24 04:17:16 PM  

Ambivalence: JerseyTim: I hear they left out the part with the guys who discover putting peanut butter in chocolate.

OMG That was my favorite Goats comic strip.


Pity he never finished it.
 
2014-03-24 04:21:26 PM  
yeah, Moses talked to flaming shrubbery but the guy with magic glasses is the crazy one.
 
2014-03-24 04:21:34 PM  
Sumerian, not Babylonian, big difference
 
2014-03-24 04:23:30 PM  

naughtyrev: Subby, Joseph Smith died before the Mormon's went to Utah.


He was a New Yorker, obvious
 
2014-03-24 04:24:58 PM  
I Believe that in 1978 God changed his mind about black people.
 
2014-03-24 04:31:55 PM  

Cheron: naughtyrev: Subby, Joseph Smith died before the Mormon's went to Utah.

He was a New Yorker, obvious


Upstate New York, not NYC.  The Golden Tablets were found in the Finger Lakes region.
 
2014-03-24 04:32:53 PM  

This About That: Neither Noah nor Glenn Beck actually ever existed.


Then that girl raped and murdered herself in 1990?
 
2014-03-24 04:34:54 PM  
Can't wait till that heaven movie comes out. I'm sure that will lead lots of reasonable discourse.
 
2014-03-24 04:35:25 PM  

Snapper Carr: This About That: Neither Noah nor Glenn Beck actually ever existed.

Then that girl raped and murdered herself in 1990?


Oddly, she was real.  We're still trying to work out how an imaginary character raped and murdered someone, but we do live in the Postmodern era, so cause and event are no longer linked.  Maybe her death brought him into existence.
 
2014-03-24 04:37:42 PM  

js34603: Can't wait till that heaven movie comes out. I'm sure that will lead lots of reasonable discourse.


They're making a sequel to Backdoor Sluts 9?
 
2014-03-24 04:45:04 PM  
He suggested it would likely only appeal to people who wish the Bible was more "like a comic book."

It already is, except that comic books don't require as much suspension of disbelief.
 
2014-03-24 04:46:10 PM  

Dwight_Yeast: Finger Lakes region.


heh heh
Finger.
 
2014-03-24 04:48:43 PM  

Mikey1969: He suggested it would likely only appeal to people who wish the Bible was more "like a comic book."

It already is, except that comic books don't require as much suspension of disbelief.


If the source material is so outlandish and unbelievable that Hollywood can't even make something coherent out of it...

I hope that someone, somewhere sees this and realizes how farking stupid any part of the flood myth is and maybe rethinks other things they believe.
 
2014-03-24 04:50:40 PM  
Well, the movie was written and directed by two self-admitted "not very religious Jewish guys", so there is that.

/what's with Glenn's joke glasses?
 
2014-03-24 04:53:15 PM  

vudukungfu: Dwight_Yeast: Finger Lakes region.

heh heh
Finger.


Your shenanigans are displeasing.
media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com
 
2014-03-24 04:56:40 PM  

farkingismybusiness: I Believe that in 1978 God changed his mind about black people.


Black people!

And I believe that ancient Jews built boats and sailed to America!
 
2014-03-24 04:59:25 PM  

Witty_Retort: vudukungfu: Dwight_Yeast: Finger Lakes region.

heh heh
Finger.

Your shenanigans are displeasing.
[media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com image 334x500]


Just because.....

31.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-03-24 05:07:03 PM  

Barael's Blade: If the source material is so outlandish and unbelievable that Hollywood can't even make something coherent out of it...


The ironic thing is that they chose this story not because of the drama inherent in it (there's basically none - the story pretty much only exists as Cliffs' Notes), but because everyone knows it.

I haven't seen much by way of previews, but for some reason, there's a king(?) who wants to steal(?) the ark, rather than rabble who were too busy stealing from each other to care what one god-botherer did in his driveway.

The stories of Job (a bit cerebral, but probably Oscar-bait if his kids are good actors), Esther (don't even need a god character in that one), Jacob's sons avenging their sister's rape in Shechem (action pulp), or pretty much anything from Judges (ranging from action pulp to character-driven story to series of shorts) would make better films, and without shoehorning in random Hollywood stuff because the story's a bit light without it.
 
2014-03-24 05:16:20 PM  
At the risk of defending Glenn Beck...

Whether you believe the story of Noah as found in the Bible to be literal, allegorical, or pure fiction, the purpose of the story (and all Bible stories, really)  is to teach people about the characteristics of God and different aspects of his relationship to man and that of man to God. If you must sex it up to add controversy and drama, at least make it consistent with the spirit of the source documents.

Also, if you are going to take a snipe at the origins of the LDS church, at least spend the five minutes it would take to scan the Wikipedia entry so you don't come off looking like complete idiot. The LDS church was at the forefront of America's Western expansion. Mormon history helped define what it means to be an American today. That's a pretty good legacy for having it's origins with someone subby dismisses as a conman from Utah.
 
2014-03-24 05:16:29 PM  

ScaryBottles: Witty_Retort: vudukungfu: Dwight_Yeast: Finger Lakes region.

heh heh
Finger.

Your shenanigans are displeasing.
[media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com image 334x500]

Just because.....

[31.media.tumblr.com image 500x200]


Why is that in gif-form? It is neither the entire quote from the bottom of the frame nor is what he's saying readily obvious by reading his lips. It kind of looks like he's casually spitting at something.
 
2014-03-24 05:23:02 PM  

Mr_Crink: At the risk of defending Glenn Beck...

Whether you believe the story of Noah as found in the Bible to be literal, allegorical, or pure fiction, the purpose of the story (and all Bible stories, really)  is to teach people about the characteristics of God and different aspects of his relationship to man and that of man to God. If you must sex it up to add controversy and drama, at least make it consistent with the spirit of the source documents.

Also, if you are going to take a snipe at the origins of the LDS church, at least spend the five minutes it would take to scan the Wikipedia entry so you don't come off looking like complete idiot. The LDS church was at the forefront of America's Western expansion. Mormon history helped define what it means to be an American today. That's a pretty good legacy for having it's origins with someone subby dismisses as a conman from Utah.


What I want to know is, why was Old Testament God such a dick?
 
2014-03-24 05:24:28 PM  
 Beck came out of that experience bewildered at some of the creative license in the film and how Noah was portrayed as a "homicidal maniac."

Because the Bible uses absolutely NO creative license whatsover. Women really WERE carved from a man's rib, and men really WERE made from a ball of mud.
 
2014-03-24 05:25:04 PM  
KiwDaWabbit:
What I want to know is, why was Old Testament God such a dick?

Because his coffee takes LONG time to brew.
 
2014-03-24 05:25:09 PM  

Mikey1969: He suggested it would likely only appeal to people who wish the Bible was more "like a comic book."

It already is, except that comic books don't require as much suspension of disbelief.


And usually in comics the superhero doesn't take 2000 farking years to return to the planet he loves.
 
2014-03-24 05:27:21 PM  
The more I see previews, the more it looks actually like a fun movie.

Evan Almighty was probably closer to the Bible though.
 
2014-03-24 05:27:50 PM  

KiwDaWabbit: Mr_Crink: At the risk of defending Glenn Beck...

Whether you believe the story of Noah as found in the Bible to be literal, allegorical, or pure fiction, the purpose of the story (and all Bible stories, really)  is to teach people about the characteristics of God and different aspects of his relationship to man and that of man to God. If you must sex it up to add controversy and drama, at least make it consistent with the spirit of the source documents.

Also, if you are going to take a snipe at the origins of the LDS church, at least spend the five minutes it would take to scan the Wikipedia entry so you don't come off looking like complete idiot. The LDS church was at the forefront of America's Western expansion. Mormon history helped define what it means to be an American today. That's a pretty good legacy for having it's origins with someone subby dismisses as a conman from Utah.

What I want to know is, why was Old Testament God such a dick?


His younger days, before he had a kid and he settled down. Now he has custody and they moved to a nice place in the suburbs.
 
2014-03-24 05:29:55 PM  

Dwight_Yeast: The Golden Tablets were found in the Finger Lakes region.


img.fark.net

also from the finger lakes.
 
2014-03-24 05:31:45 PM  
Call me old fashioned, but I believe that fire is magic...and it scares me...a lot.
 
2014-03-24 05:31:48 PM  
Dr Dreidel:

The ironic thing is that they chose this story not because of the drama inherent in it (there's basically none - the story pretty much only exists as Cliffs' Notes), but because everyone knows it.

I was thinking the same thing, what possible antagonist could there be? A calendar?

I haven't seen much by way of previews, but for some reason, there's a king(?) who wants to steal(?) the ark...

Yep, then I saw THAT. Don't remember anyone trying to ark-jack in the stories I was told as a kid...
 
2014-03-24 05:33:18 PM  

Mr_Crink: At the risk of defending Glenn Beck...

Whether you believe the story of Noah as found in the Bible to be literal, allegorical, or pure fiction, the purpose of the story (and all Bible stories, really)  is to teach people about the characteristics of God and different aspects of his relationship to man and that of man to God. If you must sex it up to add controversy and drama, at least make it consistent with the spirit of the source documents.

Also, if you are going to take a snipe at the origins of the LDS church, at least spend the five minutes it would take to scan the Wikipedia entry so you don't come off looking like complete idiot. The LDS church was at the forefront of America's Western expansion. Mormon history helped define what it means to be an American today. That's a pretty good legacy for having it's origins with someone subby dismisses as a conman from Utah.


Ergo, slavery = LDS?

'Murica, fark yeah!

/he was a conman. And a dick.
 
2014-03-24 05:33:24 PM  

KiwDaWabbit: What I want to know is, why was Old Testament God such a dick?


Lots of people are like that in youth. Having a kid mellowed him out.
 
2014-03-24 05:33:57 PM  

Mr_Crink: At the risk of defending Glenn Beck...

Whether you believe the story of Noah as found in the Bible to be literal, allegorical, or pure fiction, the purpose of the story (and all Bible stories, really)  is to teach people about the characteristics of God and different aspects of his relationship to man and that of man to God. If you must sex it up to add controversy and drama, at least make it consistent with the spirit of the source documents.

Also, if you are going to take a snipe at the origins of the LDS church, at least spend the five minutes it would take to scan the Wikipedia entry so you don't come off looking like complete idiot. The LDS church was at the forefront of America's Western expansion. Mormon history helped define what it means to be an American today. That's a pretty good legacy for having it's origins with someone subby dismisses as a conman from Utah.



Yes, because the true definition of what it means to be an American today is to have been bum-rushed out of every city, town, or settlement by violence and fire until you finally found land NO ONE else wanted. Persecuted for Polygamy and for Joseph Smith being an abject con-artist. I especially love the part where the Mormons turned on each other once they got to Utah.
 
2014-03-24 05:35:13 PM  

Mr_Crink: Whether you believe the story of Noah as found in the Bible to be literal, allegorical, or pure fiction, the purpose of the story (and all Bible stories, really) is to teach people about the characteristics of God and different aspects of his relationship to man and that of man to God. If you must sex it up to add controversy and drama, at least make it consistent with the spirit of the source documents.


You're already talking about a bunch of different gods that were all put into the same book for various historical reasons. It isn't possible to make a consistent representation of something that's inherently inconsistent.
 
2014-03-24 05:35:38 PM  
Talk to me about the last time I drowned under Noah's boat. No anchor. I was screwed.
 
2014-03-24 05:36:02 PM  
Soy un perdedor...
 
2014-03-24 05:50:18 PM  

Tarl3k: farkingismybusiness: I Believe that in 1978 God changed his mind about black people.

Black people!

And I believe that ancient Jews built boats and sailed to America!


I believe that the Garden of Eden was in Jackson County, Missouri.
 
2014-03-24 05:50:42 PM  

Mikey1969: Beck came out of that experience bewildered at some of the creative license in the film and how Noah was portrayed as a "homicidal maniac."

Because the Bible uses absolutely NO creative license whatsover. Women really WERE carved from a man's rib, and men really WERE made from a ball of mud.


Nobody in the Bible is more homicidal/maniacal than the big guy himself, though:

skepticsannotatedbible.com


/That's why he creates serial killers, so he can yell 'LOL, I PWN YOU, NOOB!' before casting them into the lake of fire for eternal teabagging
 
2014-03-24 05:51:15 PM  
Does the movie explain why the unicorns missed the boat?
 
2014-03-24 05:51:42 PM  

Mr_Crink: That's a pretty good legacy for having it's origins with someone subby dismisses as a conman from Utah.


So what are you gonna name your planet when you die?
 
2014-03-24 05:55:51 PM  

neritz: naughtyrev: Subby, Joseph Smith died before the Mormon's went to Utah.

Yep,  Joseph Smith was a New York con man.


On the other hand, if the Mormon derp stayed in NY, we'd be pretty screwed.

/Manhattan Tabernacle Choir
 
2014-03-24 06:01:42 PM  

Bermuda59: Does the movie explain why the unicorns missed the boat?


Unfortunately, they were stabled right next to the lions.
 
2014-03-24 06:07:06 PM  

theorellior: Mr_Crink: That's a pretty good legacy for having it's origins with someone subby dismisses as a conman from Utah.

So what are you gonna name your planet when you die?


askabiologist.asu.edu
 
2014-03-24 06:14:39 PM  

Mr_Crink: Whether you believe the story of Noah as found in the Bible to be literal, allegorical, or pure fiction, the purpose of the story (and all Bible stories, really) is to teach people about the characteristics of God and different aspects of his relationship to man and that of man to God. If you must sex it up to add controversy and drama, at least make it consistent with the spirit of the source documents.


Okay, so what does this tell us about God?  He choses Noah, has him build an Ark, save all the animals (including the "unclean" ones) saves his family, who are then reduced to incest to repopulate, then gets Noah drunk, then curses both Noah and his sons for Noah's passing out drunk?
 
2014-03-24 06:22:55 PM  

Mr_Crink: The LDS church was at the forefront of America's Western expansion.


...because people kept setting fire to their stuff and running them out of town on a rail (figuratively).
 
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