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(The Raw Story)   Creationist Ken Ham says that "God is a God of grace and mercy" and will demonstrate this by roasting Bill Maher in a "lake which burns with fire and brimstone" for eternity   (rawstory.com ) divider line
    More: Amusing, Ken Ham, Bill Maher, Bill Nye, the Science Guy, roasts, mercy, PZ Myers, righteousness, lakes  
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6890 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Mar 2014 at 1:01 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-03-24 01:16:22 PM  
Look, I don't know what's so hard to understand here. God snaps his fingers and wills two full-grown adults into existence, but does a shiat job on their programming gets pissed off and visits terrible vengeance upon them, then later gets pissed off again and drowns everyone, and then he's still pissed about a rule he made up so he "sacrifices" (in that he dies, but he comes back a few days later, so it's not really a sacrifice) himself to himself in order to change that rule, and then because he's come off as such an asshole  in the story, in the sequel to the Old Testament they completely retcon him as happy loving funtime god, and the point here is that he loves you and sacrifices for you and wants to give you good things, but if you don't toe the line, he's gonna torture you forever and ever. So shape up and fly right. God loves you, but sometimes, baby, you just make him so mad.
 
2014-03-24 01:16:29 PM  

The Flexecutioner: this helps quell my rage when I hear about this guy.  i sometimes combine it with 2 deep breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth.  it's sublime hilarity calms me.

/its funny cuz it has two syllables


Ham? But where's the pickle?
 
2014-03-24 01:16:42 PM  
media.ifunny.com
 
2014-03-24 01:17:33 PM  

meat0918: I've heard this one before.

Roasting in a lake which burns with fire and brimstone is more merciful than blinking you out of existence after you die, because you see, you're still living forever, and who doesn't want to live forever?


Not only that, but pain is an evolved response intended to get you to react to something damaging your body. If you are immortal and the flames really can't physically harm you, does pain even matter?
 
2014-03-24 01:18:37 PM  
After reading some of these posts, I don't know whose stereotypes are worse, the Atheists or the Christians?
 
2014-03-24 01:19:05 PM  
The lake of fire is only the half of it.  You are force by all sorts of demon to do acts of perversion. Think about clouds and harps or acts of perversion; no brainer
 
2014-03-24 01:19:45 PM  

Facetious_Speciest: By nature, Christians are psychotically arrogant. It's the entire basis of their religion.
Farked in the head. They hear voices, and should not have access to weapons.


Period.
Also, they need to STFU around anyone while out in public.

Religion is like a gun or a dick.
Ok to have one.
Ok to be proud of it.
Not Ok to wave it around in public, or ram it down kids throats.

If your farking religion is so farking true, then you don't have to "Indoctrinate" children with it, they will discover it as true on their own.
Of course, if your religion is full of shait and made up fairy tales, and circular logic, then perhaps they won't bite, and "indoctrinating" them is your only hope of keeping a following.
Assholes.
 
2014-03-24 01:20:53 PM  

ReverendJynxed: beaches flooding.


Uh. We just call that High Tide around here.
 
2014-03-24 01:21:18 PM  

allylloyd: NateAsbestos: Secret Agent X23: I dunno, Ken...that wording sounds awfully polytheistic to me.

Yeah, what's this "a" God nonsense?

But then again, doesn't the first commandment tacitly admit the existence of other gods?

Slight misinterpretation.

I'll explain it to you in simple language. Three faiths: Judaism, Christianity and Islam believe in ONE God (the same God). Judaism and Islam also believe in the Holy Spirit (as described in the Old Testament). Christianity believes in the Trinity (God=Father, God=Son (Jesus) and God= Holy Spirit) who they are equal in their "importance".
When God said "You shall have no other Gods but me", he was speaking to people who believed in Him but were also praying to other "gods" for repentance or help. In other words, if you believe in God, you must allow God to answer your prayers, and not go to another God because you don't like the answer he gives you.


Sorry, editing mistake. It should say , "You shall have no other God but me."
 
2014-03-24 01:21:18 PM  

allylloyd: After reading some of these posts, I don't know whose stereotypes are worse, the Atheists or the Christians?


They're both hilarious, but I'm an Atheist and even I'll admit that Atheists are usually easier to get riled up. I don't get it either. Aren't we supposed to be euphoric? :p
 
2014-03-24 01:22:06 PM  
allylloyd

I'll explain it to you in simple language. Three faiths: Judaism, Christianity and Islam believe in ONE God (the same God).

They do now. Back in the day, Yahweh was just another son of El in a Semitic pantheon.
 
2014-03-24 01:23:40 PM  

FlashHarry: Nabb1: What an asshole. Maher, too.

Send them to Thunderdome.

maher is supposed to be an asshole; that's his schtick.



Naw, I think he really is an asshole...but it amuses me while it enrages others.
 
2014-03-24 01:24:25 PM  

TomD9938: Some 'Splainin' To Do: I just don't understand the concept of hell. The idea of eternal punishment is just so  evil, that I don't understand how Christians rationalize it.

It's simply an incentive to obey your Earthly masters.

Don't steal, don't kill, don't screw your neighbors wife, pay your taxes, enjoy eternal life.


So, offer eternal life as the incentive and leave punishment to the secular authorities. Positive reinforcement and all that.

What disturbs me is that so many people honestly believe that the idea of eternal punishment for finite crimes can be morally justified. I don't get that. All I can guess is that most people don't really understand what the "eternal" in eternal punishment really implies.
 
2014-03-24 01:24:45 PM  
If Ken's faith is as strong as he claims, he would wouldn't be phased by comments by secular folk like Maher.

/Or Bill Nye
// Or Neil DeGrasse Tyson
 
2014-03-24 01:24:56 PM  
And did the Lord grin?  And did the people feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats?
 
2014-03-24 01:25:24 PM  

Nabb1: What an asshole. Maher, too.

Send them to Thunderdome.


Yeah, Maher is the asshole for pointing out what utterly, categorically evil things suddenly become holy and wonderful if you convince yourself that God wills them.  The character of God in the bible would not be admirable were he your next door neighbor, and yet billions of people put his alleged demands and desires ahead of the peace and happiness of their actual neighbor. It's good to have that drilled into people as often as possible. Religion deserves to be mocked and I'm glad we live in a time period when religions' ability to set themselves in a position immune to mockery is at an end.
 
2014-03-24 01:25:26 PM  
He's a god of love and mercy, as long as you totally submit to him in every way, do what he wants, and stop thinking for yourself. It's 50 shades of Jehovah.
 
2014-03-24 01:26:02 PM  

Bane of Broone: allylloyd: After reading some of these posts, I don't know whose stereotypes are worse, the Atheists or the Christians?

They're both hilarious, but I'm an Atheist and even I'll admit that Atheists are usually easier to get riled up. I don't get it either. Aren't we supposed to be euphoric? :p


Since I'm not an atheist, I can't speak for atheists. However, I am a Christian, so when I hear a Christian say something ignorant, two thoughts come to mind:
1) They have a different interpretation of Scripture than I do or
2) They are just really ignorant.

//Sometimes it's a combination of both.
 
2014-03-24 01:26:12 PM  

Some 'Splainin' To Do: I have heard that there is evidence that Judaism started out as polytheistic, so maybe this is a holdover from that period and represents a transition to eventual monotheism as future generations interpreted that commandment more strictly.


Among other things, "Elohim" is a plural name.

The pre-Israelites were of a sort of casual polytheism that has some similarities to Shinto, i.e. the idea that there are spirits  of and  in most (if not all) things.  At a certain point, they started to acrete the idea that certain spirits were so powerful they had, in fact, created or birthed the others.  This inevitably leads to the idea that there is some progenitor, some ultimate sort of all such spirits.  Hence, monotheism.

This idea wasn't even contentious during the time of Ezra (who redacted the Torah).  It was generally understood that there were a great number of spirits other than the Hebrew god.  Theirs was just supposed to be the most powerful.

It's even debateable whether the early Hebrews truly believed that Yahweh really was the 'creator' or whether he just was the 'builder', i.e. whether he simply re-organized a pre-existing creation (this is related to the concepts in gnosticism).  If Yahweh just re-organized creation, then Yahweh itself is a very different being than if it truly Created the universe.
 
2014-03-24 01:26:36 PM  
You know what God doesn't like? Ham.

You know what he does? Foreskins.

That'll do, Pig, that'll do.
 
2014-03-24 01:27:22 PM  
I just don't understand why we keep reporting on grown-ass adults who believe in fairy-tales as if their insane ravings were worthy of consideration.
 
2014-03-24 01:28:18 PM  

allylloyd: After reading some of these posts, I don't know whose stereotypes are worse, the Atheists or the Christians?


The Christians b/c they will condemn you and they won't leave you a tip after church if they suspect you don't believe the same thing as they.
 
2014-03-24 01:28:58 PM  
At least Bill Maher wont have pineapple rings stuck to him with toothpicks.

/or WILL he?!?!
 
2014-03-24 01:29:08 PM  

Prank Call of Cthulhu: Look, I don't know what's so hard to understand here. God snaps his fingers and wills two full-grown adults into existence, but does a shiat job on their programming gets pissed off and visits terrible vengeance upon them, then later gets pissed off again and drowns everyone, and then he's still pissed about a rule he made up so he "sacrifices" (in that he dies, but he comes back a few days later, so it's not really a sacrifice) himself to himself in order to change that rule, and then because he's come off as such an asshole  in the story, in the sequel to the Old Testament they completely retcon him as happy loving funtime god, and the point here is that he loves you and sacrifices for you and wants to give you good things, but if you don't toe the line, he's gonna torture you forever and ever. So shape up and fly right. God loves you, but sometimes, baby, you just make him so mad.


Having Jesus give me the Pimp Hand while he is filling me with the Holy Spirit is my favorite part of submitting to God's Will.
 
2014-03-24 01:29:25 PM  
Verily God must be an insecure wuss to be so threatened by Bill Maher
 
2014-03-24 01:29:48 PM  
...the bible says...the bible says...the bible says...

My book says Zeus created the world.  We both can't be right.
 
2014-03-24 01:30:53 PM  

allylloyd: Slight misinterpretation.


I'm pretty sure Ba'al was mentioned later as another 'competing' god of different peoples.  I believe "Ba'al" generically translates as "Lord", as in Baalzebub = Lord of the Flies.

Obviously the old Testament wasn't written in English, but YHWH describes himself as a 'jealous god'.  The first two Commandments describe this jealousy, especially the first. Is he really going to get jealous of a rock or lump of metal?  If there were no other gods, wouldn't he have just said 'there are no other gods'?  It would be like me describing my wife as my 'favorite' wife.  The language implies there are others.
 
2014-03-24 01:31:02 PM  

gshepnyc: Religion deserves to be mocked and I'm glad we live in a time period when religions' ability to set themselves in a position immune to mockery is at an end.


Depending on where you live and which religion you're mocking, that is.
 
2014-03-24 01:31:11 PM  

susler: allylloyd: After reading some of these posts, I don't know whose stereotypes are worse, the Atheists or the Christians?

The Christians b/c they will condemn you and they won't leave you a tip after church if they suspect you don't believe the same thing as they.


So all Christians act the same way? Funny, someone forgot to tell some of us...

//Do not judge lest you be judged yourself, for the methods you use to judge your neighbor will be the same methods used to judge you.
//So I can assume that from your posting that all atheists are unfriendly? Or that you are just an unfriendly atheist?
 
2014-03-24 01:31:13 PM  

susler: allylloyd: After reading some of these posts, I don't know whose stereotypes are worse, the Atheists or the Christians?

The Christians b/c they will condemn you and they won't leave you a tip after church if they suspect you don't believe the same thing as they.


...and they only tip the church 10% for the service.
 
2014-03-24 01:31:49 PM  
www.quotespedia.info

Ken Ham is a lying, greedy sack of shiat.
 
2014-03-24 01:33:08 PM  
"It's a Mr. Ham on line 5, calling about creationism."
"OK, give me Ham on 5 and hold the Maher"
 
2014-03-24 01:33:33 PM  

nmrsnr: Oh Internet, you never disappoint:

[iguessimagrownup.files.wordpress.com image 500x245]



It's incredibly sad, but that is how it is... on the internet and IRL.

I can assure you those people are not filled with God's love. If they were to pass Him on the street He'd say, "I don't know you...and stop trying to represent me because you're making a huge mess."
 
2014-03-24 01:33:35 PM  

allylloyd: Bane of Broone: allylloyd: After reading some of these posts, I don't know whose stereotypes are worse, the Atheists or the Christians?

They're both hilarious, but I'm an Atheist and even I'll admit that Atheists are usually easier to get riled up. I don't get it either. Aren't we supposed to be euphoric? :p

Since I'm not an atheist, I can't speak for atheists. However, I am a Christian, so when I hear a Christian say something ignorant, two thoughts come to mind:
1) They have a different interpretation of Scripture than I do or
2) They are just really ignorant.

//Sometimes it's a combination of both.


I hear you on that one. My gal is a Christian, but believes in evolution, kindness towards EVERYONE, is pro-choice, fiercely liberal....all that jazz. She doesn't care one bit about contradictions in a book that is thousands of years old. She finds comfort and inspiration in it and uses it to better her own life. So when people come out with "All Christians" or "All religions" stuff it just shows that they are willfully ignorant of people like a drug addict who uses it to stay clean, a person who becomes inspired to be a better, more understanding partner/parent/whatever. I don't care what tools you use to become a better person. "Religion" and "Christianity" are just red herrings (inb4 Clue). Fundies, no matter what side they fall on, are just too lazy to deal with problems on an individual level.
 
2014-03-24 01:34:08 PM  

meat0918: I've heard this one before.

Roasting in a lake which burns with fire and brimstone is more merciful than blinking you out of existence after you die, because you see, you're still living forever, and who doesn't want to live forever?


Well, once your are dead, pain and suffering is just sensory input, it no longer has any useful purpose for warning you that something is wrong, so would it really be all that great a punishment anyway to an immortal being? Don't you just get into "Hellraiser" territory fairly quickly?


I mean it is not as if Heaven is going to be much better - I mean over an infinite time frame that implies you are going to do everything an infinite amount of times, even the good things done forever will presumably get boring, let alone watching every Rob Schneider film an infinite number of times.
 
2014-03-24 01:34:19 PM  

FlashHarry: maher is supposed to be an asshole; that's his schtick.


True, but Maher especially embodies "liberal smugness" to most conservatives. It's not just that he can be a prick, it's the condescending nature in which he delivers his barbs particularly to the religious right that rile them to no end.

I mean, really, NO ONE comes close to consistently capturing the essence of smug, elite liberal like Maher. Of course, Maher isn't liberal on certain issues but it's not like someone foaming at the mouth because he dared to make fun of religion for the umpteenth time during a taping of Real Time is going to pay attention and appreciate nuance or complexity.
 
2014-03-24 01:34:52 PM  
How these "christians" see themselves:
ts3.mm.bing.net

What they are really like:
img123.imageshack.us
 
2014-03-24 01:34:58 PM  
i939.photobucket.com
 
2014-03-24 01:35:52 PM  

China White Tea: I just don't understand why we keep reporting on grown-ass adults who believe in fairy-tales as if their insane ravings were worthy of consideration.


Did you see the other headline linked on that page?  "Anti-gay pastor who prayed for Obama's death demands silence from women in church"

Would Jesus even recognize these assholes?  Disgusting.
 
2014-03-24 01:36:39 PM  
It makes sense that an all-loving, all-powerful god would take offense with people bringing up issues that He created like the age of the Earth, intelligently-designed myopia and homosexual urges so much so that he would lovingly condemn someone's soul to an eternal pit of suffering.
 
2014-03-24 01:36:46 PM  

syrynxx: allylloyd: Slight misinterpretation.

I'm pretty sure Ba'al was mentioned later as another 'competing' god of different peoples.  I believe "Ba'al" generically translates as "Lord", as in Baalzebub = Lord of the Flies.

Obviously the old Testament wasn't written in English, but YHWH describes himself as a 'jealous god'.  The first two Commandments describe this jealousy, especially the first. Is he really going to get jealous of a rock or lump of metal?  If there were no other gods, wouldn't he have just said 'there are no other gods'?  It would be like me describing my wife as my 'favorite' wife.  The language implies there are others.


I think Jesus's (also a Jew, never a Christian) interpretation of the Commandments is the best. He said simply there are truly important 1) One God above all others and 2) Love your neighbor as yourself.

//Basically, he knew people were going to argue, however, he did want people to focus on love first.
 
2014-03-24 01:37:20 PM  

Killer Cars: FlashHarry: maher is supposed to be an asshole; that's his schtick.

True, but Maher especially embodies "liberal smugness" to most conservatives.


Simply saying that "2+2=4" is seen as "liberal smugness" to most conservatives.

(and those few who are smart enough to know 2+2=4 keep their mouths shut lest they be attacked by the rightwing horde of baboons screaming "RINO! RINO!")
 
2014-03-24 01:38:00 PM  
syrynxx

I'm pretty sure Ba'al was mentioned later as another 'competing' god of different peoples. I believe "Ba'al" generically translates as "Lord", as in Baalzebub = Lord of the Flies.

Pretty much this. Yahweh was chief god of the Hebrews at some point. Other Semites revered other gods as jefe. They were all part of the same pantheon. It's like some Germans calling Woden "Allfather" biatching at some Swedes who call Ing "Freyr" (which means "lord," much like "Baal"). Different tribes holding different gods of the same pantheon as most important.
 
2014-03-24 01:38:38 PM  

Some 'Splainin' To Do: I just don't understand the concept of hell. The idea of eternal punishment is just so  evil, that I don't understand how Christians rationalize it.


It's much easier to rationalize than the concept that every person gets to go to heaven irregardless of their actions. It establishes the idea of responsibility for one's actions.

And the fun thing about heaven and hell is that it isn't a democratic process of who goes where. That is, in essence, out of human jurisdiction. Remember that next time you wish someone to go to hell.
 
2014-03-24 01:39:10 PM  

mayIFark: Is son of God not a God? If it is, you got 2 right there.



So, thou shalt not put myself before myself?
 
2014-03-24 01:39:59 PM  

Bane of Broone: allylloyd: Bane of Broone: allylloyd: After reading some of these posts, I don't know whose stereotypes are worse, the Atheists or the Christians?

They're both hilarious, but I'm an Atheist and even I'll admit that Atheists are usually easier to get riled up. I don't get it either. Aren't we supposed to be euphoric? :p

Since I'm not an atheist, I can't speak for atheists. However, I am a Christian, so when I hear a Christian say something ignorant, two thoughts come to mind:
1) They have a different interpretation of Scripture than I do or
2) They are just really ignorant.

//Sometimes it's a combination of both.

I hear you on that one. My gal is a Christian, but believes in evolution, kindness towards EVERYONE, is pro-choice, fiercely liberal....all that jazz. She doesn't care one bit about contradictions in a book that is thousands of years old. She finds comfort and inspiration in it and uses it to better her own life. So when people come out with "All Christians" or "All religions" stuff it just shows that they are willfully ignorant of people like a drug addict who uses it to stay clean, a person who becomes inspired to be a better, more understanding partner/parent/whatever. I don't care what tools you use to become a better person. "Religion" and "Christianity" are just red herrings (inb4 Clue). Fundies, no matter what side they fall on, are just too lazy to deal with problems on an individual level.


Keep your girlfriend.

//If you have kids, baptize them.
// You can use it as a reason why she has to go out on Sunday mornings and you can have the house to yourself.
 
2014-03-24 01:40:37 PM  

allylloyd: I think Jesus's (also a Jew, never a Christian)


That's sort of like saying Lou Gehrig didnt die of Lou Gehrig's Disease.
 
2014-03-24 01:40:41 PM  
scontent-a.xx.fbcdn.net
 
2014-03-24 01:41:20 PM  

Bane of Broone: They're both hilarious, but I'm an Atheist and even I'll admit that Atheists are usually easier to get riled up. I don't get it either. Aren't we supposed to be euphoric? :p


How to rile up a "Christian": Include a menorah in a Holiday display.
How to rile up an atheist: Pass a law outlawing non-"Christian" behavior.
 
2014-03-24 01:41:23 PM  
As H. P. Lovecraft said...

If religion were true, its followers would not try to bludgeon their young into an artificial conformity; but would merely insist on their unbending quest for truth, irrespective of artificial backgrounds or practical consequences.
 
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