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(Zim Diaspora)   Church members beat man, because they claim he was using magic bluetooth device to have supernatural sex with women during service (link updated)   (myzimbabwe.co.zw ) divider line
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10485 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Mar 2014 at 8:41 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-03-23 11:20:47 AM  

mbillips: lucksi: RELIGION OF PEACE

/it's great that such backward places still exist

You know these are apostolic Christians, right?


thatsthejoke.jpg

/or at least i hope
 
2014-03-23 11:21:15 AM  

TheBigJerk: There is the slight difference that those people tend to go to jail.


Or, not...

From my first link: "A woman who claimed God ordered her to bash in the heads of her sons was acquitted of all charges by reason of insanity Saturday after a jury determined she did not know right from wrong during the killings."

From the second: "But, the appellate panel said, LeBon should have told jurors they could acquit Singleton by reason of insanity - even if they found Singleton knew killing Michelle Cazan was wrong - if they believed he felt God compelled him to act."
 
2014-03-23 11:21:27 AM  

mbillips: JesusJuice: RobSeace: JesusJuice: mbillips: JesusJuice: Richard C Stanford: Is it wrong that I saw the headline and immediately thought "Africa"?


Of course it's Africa. Nowhere else on Earth has people this backward.

Challenge accepted:

As backwards as this man is, he's not beating someone on suspicion of rape-by-sorcery, so... not quite.

No, over here, we just get moms bashing their kids' brains in with rocks on god's orders, and men killing their girlfriends and dogs on his orders... Much more civilized...

The difference is that those people had mental illnesses, but you knew that.

The main difference is that we have a functioning civil government. If America's derpier religious cults weren't restrained by the existence of police and child protective services, they'd be beating the demons and sorcery out of people willy nilly, too. Zimbabwe was first colonized as basically slave labor for England, then left to the tender mercies of Robert Mugabe, so they're probably some years away from that. As for the goofy newspaper story, it's no dumber than the birther, truther, astrology, Sasquatch-believing nonsense that's quite popular in the U.S. of A.


This
 
2014-03-23 11:23:18 AM  
That might make church bearable.
 
2014-03-23 11:23:22 AM  

mbillips: JesusJuice: RobSeace: JesusJuice: mbillips: JesusJuice: Richard C Stanford: Is it wrong that I saw the headline and immediately thought "Africa"?


Of course it's Africa. Nowhere else on Earth has people this backward.

Challenge accepted:

As backwards as this man is, he's not beating someone on suspicion of rape-by-sorcery, so... not quite.

No, over here, we just get moms bashing their kids' brains in with rocks on god's orders, and men killing their girlfriends and dogs on his orders... Much more civilized...

The difference is that those people had mental illnesses, but you knew that.

The main difference is that we have a functioning civil government. If America's derpier religious cults weren't restrained by the existence of police and child protective services, they'd be beating the demons and sorcery out of people willy nilly, too. Zimbabwe was first colonized as basically slave labor for England, then left to the tender mercies of Robert Mugabe, so they're probably some years away from that. As for the goofy newspaper story, it's no dumber than the birther, truther, astrology, Sasquatch-believing nonsense that's quite popular in the U.S. of A.


So that's the summation of Zimbabwe's (Rhodesia) history, huh?  When you are a simple person, you use simple facts for your simple argument.

As stupid as some of the stuff is here in the States, nobody really gets hurt, outside of having their wallets lighten a bit.  Read up on what happens to albino's, in certain parts of Africa, and then, we'll start doing a side-by-side comparison to see who's got the crazier ideas.
 
2014-03-23 11:31:34 AM  

RobSeace: JesusJuice: Wow, plenty of folks jumped in a hurry to tell you how very wrong you are. Too bad you lack the self-awareness to internalize it.

I'm wrong? As in those events never happened and those articles I linked to don't exist?

Yeah, of course they're mentally ill... I'd argue so are the people in this story... I'd argue anyone who holds a fundamentalist religious belief so deeply that they're willing to injure or kill over it is mentally ill... From bombers of abortion clinics to the 9/11 terrorists, mentally ill one and all...


What the fark are you talking about? No-one is claiming this and you know it. We're saying there are significant enough differences between your examples and TFA to make any valid comparisons.
 
2014-03-23 11:39:09 AM  
Give me Liberty; or give me Death!

/by Snu-Snu; preferably
 
2014-03-23 11:41:00 AM  
Yet again it affirms my decision to never go to Africa... Or India because, fark India.
 
2014-03-23 11:46:45 AM  

CourtroomWolf: Let's put acid (the good kind) in the holy water and see what happens.


Hydrofluoric? I'm down.
 
2014-03-23 11:51:04 AM  
And people still like to pretend getting them out of Africa to America was a bad thing.
 
2014-03-23 11:55:19 AM  

Fafai: What the fark are you talking about? No-one is claiming this and you know it. We're saying there are significant enough differences between your examples and TFA to make any valid comparisons.


Then, JJ chose a poor way of wording that, I think... Because I made no other claim than that those things happen over here, so saying that I was "very wrong" seems out of place... (Not to mention that no one else actually said such a thing to me, as he claimed... I have no issues with what anyone else said to me; just him...)

Yes, there are differences between here and there... No shiat! As pointed out, we've had the benefit of a few hundred years of civilization and prosperity to help move us toward enlightenment and further away from the superstitious violence of our past... But, I was merely pointing out that even we aren't fully free of it yet... So, condemning an entire group of people who haven't exactly had our opportunities to move beyond such nonsense yet, and pretending we're somehow morally superior, while ignoring and/or making excuses for our own local loonies, seems a bit hypocritical...
 
2014-03-23 11:57:26 AM  

mbillips: lucksi: RELIGION OF PEACE

/it's great that such backward places still exist

You know these are apostolic Christians, right?


If you believe in witchcraft you are by definition not Christian. You can pretend to be and lie claiming to be, but you aren't.
 
2014-03-23 11:58:03 AM  

RobSeace: JesusJuice: Wow, plenty of folks jumped in a hurry to tell you how very wrong you are. Too bad you lack the self-awareness to internalize it.

I'm wrong? As in those events never happened and those articles I linked to don't exist?

Yeah, of course they're mentally ill... I'd argue so are the people in this story... I'd argue anyone who holds a fundamentalist religious belief so deeply that they're willing to injure or kill over it is mentally ill... From bombers of abortion clinics to the 9/11 terrorists, mentally ill one and all...


You can argue all you want, it doesn't make you right. You're entitled to your own opinions, not your own facts.

You don't get to redefine what mental illness is to suit your argument.
 
2014-03-23 11:59:03 AM  
I need to upgrade my Bluetooth....mine doesn't have that setting.
 
2014-03-23 12:01:59 PM  

umad: CourtroomWolf: Let's put acid (the good kind) in the holy water and see what happens.

Hydrofluoric? I'm down.


Hydrofluoric acid is used to etch glass. I doubt you could add it to bowls of water.
 
2014-03-23 12:06:24 PM  

Bullseyed: If you believe in witchcraft you are by definition not Christian. You can pretend to be and lie claiming to be, but you aren't.


Get a time machine and tell the people of Salem in 1692 that they're not Christian... See how fast they set fire to you!

JesusJuice: You can argue all you want, it doesn't make you right. You're entitled to your own opinions, not your own facts.

You don't get to redefine what mental illness is to suit your argument.


Well, ok, I suppose you're right... I'm no psychologist... I wasn't making a clinical diagnosis; I was merely using the term "mental illness" colloquially... I don't know how a doctor would diagnose them, but I still consider them farking crazy, regardless... How can anyone kill in the name of religion or superstition and not be?!
 
2014-03-23 12:08:35 PM  

JoieD'Zen: mbillips: God, subby, don't you know anything about anything? The guy didn't use a bluetooth device, he used mubobobo, a type of sex magic that RESEMBLES bluetooth in that it allows you to remotely sex somebody up. Jesus, don't they teach sex ed where you went to school?

/mubobobo

http://www.financialgazette.co.zw/mubobobo-the-bluetooth-version-of- ra pe/

Thanks, I googled that term and was presented with this gem^^^^^^. All these years I've been in the dark on this. Damn.

The nocturnal type should not be confused with the goblins we discussed in a previous article on spiritual husbands. The theme is the same, there is no contact whether by day or by night.
Daylight mubobobo should also not be confused with perverts who ejaculate in queues, masturbate in public or steal women's underwear from washing lines.


i.imgur.com
 
2014-03-23 12:10:19 PM  
img.fark.net

I thought this was called Sh*tter.
 
2014-03-23 12:22:06 PM  

Bullseyed: And people still like to pretend getting them out of Africa to America was a bad thing.


1/10
 
2014-03-23 12:27:39 PM  
 www.crazytownblog.com
 
2014-03-23 12:33:58 PM  

Bullseyed: mbillips: lucksi: RELIGION OF PEACE

/it's great that such backward places still exist

You know these are apostolic Christians, right?

If you believe in witchcraft you are by definition not Christian. You can pretend to be and lie claiming to be, but you aren't.


You're wrong. There are many different Christian denominations which believe many different things. It's stupid and arrogant to believe your denomination is the only "true" Christianity.

One example of a Christian denomination which believes in witchcraft is Catholicism.
 
2014-03-23 12:49:52 PM  
Maybe he was having supernatural sex using his bluetooth device.  I would go to church if this were the case.  Come to think of it, if I had said bluetooth device, I am not sure I would leave the house.  I guess I would need food.  I think this is this guys defense.  Why leave home and have supernatural sex in church?  Just stay home.

/rambling....
 
2014-03-23 01:00:57 PM  

FunkManOnTheKeyboards: Maybe he was having supernatural sex using his bluetooth device.  I would go to church if this were the case.  Come to think of it, if I had said bluetooth device, I am not sure I would leave the house.  I guess I would need food.  I think this is this guys defense.  Why leave home and have supernatural sex in church?  Just stay home.

/rambling....


Sex without having to go outside and meet people really is the dream. I'm working on aerosolizing my sperm for the same reason.
 
2014-03-23 01:21:02 PM  
So, they caught the guy surfing porn on his iPhone during the service, right?
 
2014-03-23 01:25:58 PM  

JesusJuice: FunkManOnTheKeyboards: Maybe he was having supernatural sex using his bluetooth device.  I would go to church if this were the case.  Come to think of it, if I had said bluetooth device, I am not sure I would leave the house.  I guess I would need food.  I think this is this guys defense.  Why leave home and have supernatural sex in church?  Just stay home.

/rambling....

Sex without having to go outside and meet people really is the dream. I'm working on aerosolizing my sperm for the same reason.


Reminds me of a futuristic movie called "Thomas in love"

Guy has agoraphobia, is prescribed a therapeutic prostitute. Since he's afraid of germs n stuff, he has virtual reality sex with the woman using some sort of sex skin suit machine.

All paid for with health insurance, I'm sure.
 
2014-03-23 01:29:51 PM  

Bullseyed: you believe in witchcraft you are by definition not Christian


errrr


mmmm kay


quietly backs away...

// dont curse me bro
 
2014-03-23 01:38:28 PM  

JesusJuice: RobSeace: JesusJuice: mbillips: JesusJuice: Richard C Stanford: Is it wrong that I saw the headline and immediately thought "Africa"?


Of course it's Africa. Nowhere else on Earth has people this backward.

Challenge accepted:

As backwards as this man is, he's not beating someone on suspicion of rape-by-sorcery, so... not quite.

No, over here, we just get moms bashing their kids' brains in with rocks on god's orders, and men killing their girlfriends and dogs on his orders... Much more civilized...

The difference is that those people had mental illnesses, but you knew that.


I haven't seen it stated so directly, but you are correct.  Being religious is a mental illness.
 
2014-03-23 01:39:34 PM  
Many Africans have superstitious beliefs, sure. But consider that many have no benefit of formal education.

This is a failure of their govt.

But American missionary evangelicals are not helping.

They push some pretty bizarre beliefs: speaking in tongues, everything in the bible literally happened. The hatred towards gays pushed by evangelicals is downright shameful.

America hardly holds a moral high ground here.

We just have a bit more rule of law, a functioning govt, and the tax funds to send our children to school.
 
2014-03-23 01:45:29 PM  

o'really: Many Africans have superstitious beliefs, sure. But consider that many have no benefit of formal education.

This is a failure of their govt.

But American missionary evangelicals are not helping.

They push some pretty bizarre beliefs: speaking in tongues, everything in the bible literally happened. The hatred towards gays pushed by evangelicals is downright shameful.

America hardly holds a moral high ground here.

We just have a bit more rule of law, a functioning govt, and the tax funds to send our children to school.


There should be a push to ban these groups from missionary work. It would be constitutionally difficult, but I believe possible in light of the demonstrated harm done to gay people living in impoverished countries.
 
2014-03-23 01:47:28 PM  
They are in a church!  But still following the superstition of witchcraft.  The 2 do not mix.  Pick one and be serious about it.
 
2014-03-23 01:49:10 PM  

JesusJuice: FunkManOnTheKeyboards: Maybe he was having supernatural sex using his bluetooth device.  I would go to church if this were the case.  Come to think of it, if I had said bluetooth device, I am not sure I would leave the house.  I guess I would need food.  I think this is this guys defense.  Why leave home and have supernatural sex in church?  Just stay home.

/rambling....

Sex without having to go outside and meet people really is the dream. I'm working on aerosolizing my sperm for the same reason.


Right now?
 
2014-03-23 01:54:25 PM  

FunkManOnTheKeyboards: JesusJuice: FunkManOnTheKeyboards: Maybe he was having supernatural sex using his bluetooth device.  I would go to church if this were the case.  Come to think of it, if I had said bluetooth device, I am not sure I would leave the house.  I guess I would need food.  I think this is this guys defense.  Why leave home and have supernatural sex in church?  Just stay home.

/rambling....

Sex without having to go outside and meet people really is the dream. I'm working on aerosolizing my sperm for the same reason.

Right now?


It's an ongoing project, but approaching a climax.
 
2014-03-23 01:55:19 PM  

rev. dave: They are in a church!  But still following the superstition of witchcraft.  The 2 do not mix.  Pick one and be serious about it.


Weren't the people who burned women at the stake in Salem also church goers? They believed the guy was performing witchcraft, so they attacked him.

Going to a church doesn't negate the possibility that someone could believe something superstitious... in fact, it pretty much does the opposite.
 
2014-03-23 01:59:56 PM  

rev. dave: They are in a church!  But still following the superstition of witchcraft.  The 2 do not mix.  Pick one and be serious about it.


Yes, they clearly do.
 
2014-03-23 02:00:12 PM  

Glendale: [www.crazytownblog.com image 500x302]


Well played! Absolutely well played!

Is it the agnostic in me that says "prove mubobobo doesn't really exist using the native mubobobo measurement system."
 
2014-03-23 02:04:26 PM  

PapaChester: Glendale: [www.crazytownblog.com image 500x302]

Well played! Absolutely well played!

Is it the agnostic in me that says "prove mubobobo doesn't really exist using the native mubobobo measurement system."


The claim is that it does exist. That is what must be proven.

Not that people who believe in magic hold much stake in evidence or proof.
 
2014-03-23 02:05:31 PM  

zimbomba63: So that's the summation of Zimbabwe's (Rhodesia) history, huh?  When you are a simple person, you use simple facts for your simple argument.


That's what we call a condensation. The reason that superstition and lynch-mob justice are prevalent in Zimbabwe is obviously a lot more complicated than that, but those are the highlights. Take a pre-industrial agrarian society, force it to produce resources for an outside society while getting few benefits of industrialization, add Cold War militarization and a lump of anti-apartheid revolution and see a brutal, corrupt dictator with an anti-Western agenda take over, and you get a lot of what's wrong in Zimbabwe. Prior to the rise of nation-states, EVERY society used beatings by village mobs as a means of resolving disputes, and they believed in witchcraft, too. I'm reading Jared Diamond's "The World Before Yesterday" right now, which delves into that.

I'm no expert on Zimbabwe; the point I'm trying to make is that the goofy belief in mubobobo can be explained by plain old human nature and circumstances, not the "har har Africa is uniquely goofy" racist reasons most of these Farkers seem to believe.
 
2014-03-23 02:09:55 PM  

Bullseyed: mbillips: lucksi: RELIGION OF PEACE

/it's great that such backward places still exist

You know these are apostolic Christians, right?

If you believe in witchcraft you are by definition not Christian. You can pretend to be and lie claiming to be, but you aren't.


Where'd you get that idea? So, then Pat Robertson and most evangelical Protestants aren't Christian? Those idiots go on about demonic possession and satanic rituals (which is what they think witchcraft consists of) on a daily basis. The farking Bible says "thou shalt not suffer a witch to live."
 
2014-03-23 02:11:33 PM  

Bullseyed: And people still like to pretend getting them out of Africa to America was a bad thing.


AND, you get farkied in fire engine racist red! Congrats!

/Ain't not racism like "slavery was good for black people" racism.
 
2014-03-23 02:13:35 PM  
The Christian sects that think saying "our Christianity is the only real Christianity" with a straight face is reasonable are entirely hilarious. Glad to see a couple represent here.
 
2014-03-23 02:21:10 PM  

rev. dave: They are in a church!  But still following the superstition of witchcraft


religion IS witchcraft
 
2014-03-23 02:39:11 PM  
At least nobody accused him of shrinking their penises.
 
2014-03-23 02:45:38 PM  
what a wonderful headline.
 
2014-03-23 02:58:16 PM  
4.bp.blogspot.com

Mumbobobo Jumbobobo..

Hoochy Kootchy Yaa Ya...
 
2014-03-23 03:00:31 PM  

Witness99: If your point is that the US is as farked up as Africa and just as batty when it comes to witchcraft and sorcery


upload.wikimedia.org

You guys are farked up - I doubt jesus would be proud of the money changers.
Im fairly certain he would be pissed off at open praying on currency.

But you know - keep it up - it's working well, didn't hurt the romans right ? Copy them with pillars and military might, it worked out swell last time.
 
2014-03-23 03:01:06 PM  

ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha: Tarkus: Note to self: Don't tap foot in church.Stay the fark out of Zimbabwe

FTFY


Yeah, this. Even the Emirates are saner.
 
2014-03-23 03:03:25 PM  
Let me guess...Africa, right?

Yups.  What do I win?
 
2014-03-23 03:24:24 PM  
Interested?
punkyg.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-03-23 03:28:20 PM  

Gyrfalcon: ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha: Tarkus: Note to self: Don't tap foot in church.Stay the fark out of Zimbabwe

FTFY

Yeah, this. Even the Emirates are saner.


I wouldn't go that far. They're just differently batshiat crazy.
 
2014-03-23 03:29:58 PM  
I'm shocked that highly religious people from a third world country would believe in this sort of superstitious mubobobo.

/shocked
 
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