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(Zim Diaspora)   Church members beat man, because they claim he was using magic bluetooth device to have supernatural sex with women during service (link updated)   (myzimbabwe.co.zw ) divider line 178
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10464 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Mar 2014 at 8:41 AM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-03-23 09:54:46 AM  
We are lucky in the west that crazy religious beliefs do not supersede secular law.

Well, at least until the christian taliban really gets in control.
 
2014-03-23 09:55:36 AM  

JesusJuice: Richard C Stanford: Is it wrong that I saw the headline and immediately thought "Africa"?

Of course it's Africa. Nowhere else on Earth has people this backward. Even the "reporter" writing the article seems to believe that this is a real thing.

If you give a million monkeys a million typewriters and unlimited time, they'll eventually write the coected works of Shakespeare. I guess this is what happens when you give one monkey a single typewriter and an afternoon to slap at it.


Or not
 
2014-03-23 09:57:00 AM  

JesusJuice: Richard C Stanford: Is it wrong that I saw the headline and immediately thought "Africa"?

Of course it's Africa. Nowhere else on Earth has people this backward. Even the "reporter" writing the article seems to believe that this is a real thing.

If you give a million monkeys a million typewriters and unlimited time, they'll eventually write the coected works of Shakespeare. I guess this is what happens when you give one monkey a single typewriter and an afternoon to slap at it.


That's racist!
 
2014-03-23 09:57:05 AM  

JesusJuice: Richard C Stanford: Is it wrong that I saw the headline and immediately thought "Africa"?

Of course it's Africa. Nowhere else on Earth has people this backward. Even the "reporter" writing the article seems to believe that this is a real thing.

If you give a million monkeys a million typewriters and unlimited time, they'll eventually write the coected works of Shakespeare. I guess this is what happens when you give one monkey a single typewriter and an afternoon to slap at it.


A million only give you the Cliff Notes.
You want the collected works, you need an infinite number of monkeys.
 
2014-03-23 09:58:50 AM  

MNguy: Flakeloaf: Richard C Stanford: Is it wrong that I saw the headline and immediately thought "Africa"?

On a headline describing a guy beaten in public for non-contact sex sorcery? Who didn't immediately think that?

Haiti.


Ooooh. Touche.
 
2014-03-23 09:58:51 AM  
img4.wikia.nocookie.net
Denies involvement.
 
2014-03-23 10:00:50 AM  

JesusJuice: Richard C Stanford: Is it wrong that I saw the headline and immediately thought "Africa"?


Of course it's Africa. Nowhere else on Earth has people this backward.


Challenge accepted:

thegospelcoalition.org
 
2014-03-23 10:04:14 AM  

mbillips: JesusJuice: Richard C Stanford: Is it wrong that I saw the headline and immediately thought "Africa"?


Of course it's Africa. Nowhere else on Earth has people this backward.

Challenge accepted:


As backwards as this man is, he's not beating someone on suspicion of rape-by-sorcery, so... not quite.
 
2014-03-23 10:07:03 AM  
I assume this is satire.

I have to, or I'll lose all faith in journalism and humanity.
 
2014-03-23 10:08:40 AM  
They've probably been watching too much Demolition Man.
 
2014-03-23 10:12:25 AM  
RELIGION OF PEACE

/it's great that such backward places still exist
 
2014-03-23 10:13:13 AM  
You'd think the female congregants would at least put a password on their Bluetooth "device".
 
2014-03-23 10:13:16 AM  

Tyrone Slothrop: JoieD'Zen: mbillips: God, subby, don't you know anything about anything? The guy didn't use a bluetooth device, he used mubobobo, a type of sex magic that RESEMBLES bluetooth in that it allows you to remotely sex somebody up. Jesus, don't they teach sex ed where you went to school?

/mubobobo

http://www.financialgazette.co.zw/mubobobo-the-bluetooth-version-of- ra pe/

Thanks, I googled that term and was presented with this gem^^^^^^. All these years I've been in the dark on this. Damn.

Good gods these people are stupid. A woman get horny or has a wet dream and they blame witchcraft.


Yes, haven't these people heard of hysteria?  Obviously she needs to make an appointment with her doctor for vibrational paroxysm therapy.
 
2014-03-23 10:15:49 AM  

sithon: Little did you know i am using that device right now. I'm having sex with you all and you didn't know it.


Thought I felt a very little twinge a moment ago.  That must have been you.  I was hoping my first Mubobobo sex experience would be a little more memorable.
 
2014-03-23 10:19:28 AM  

inclemency: I assume this is satire.

I have to, or I'll lose all faith in journalism and humanity.


http://www.financialgazette.co.zw/mubobobo-the-bluetooth-version-of-ra pe/

Nope, here's a link to an article about rape-by-witchcraft in their financial paper. No wonder their economy is booming.
 
2014-03-23 10:19:55 AM  

GBB: And this is why religion should be the only authority controlling man.


Classy. Let's make fun of people with different beliefs, after all it can't be bigoted if *you* do it.
 
2014-03-23 10:21:14 AM  

lucksi: RELIGION OF PEACE

/it's great that such backward places still exist


You know these are apostolic Christians, right?
 
2014-03-23 10:22:37 AM  
"they eat'a the blue poo."
 
2014-03-23 10:22:41 AM  

sithon: Little did you know i am using that device right now. I'm having sex with you all and you didn't know it.


As usual no one felt a thing.
 
2014-03-23 10:22:57 AM  

Rueened: GBB: And this is why religion should be the only authority controlling man.

Classy. Let's make fun of people with different beliefs, after all it can't be bigoted if *you* do it.


Different beliefs?  Really?  Are you going there?
 
2014-03-23 10:25:06 AM  
Once you go Mobobobo, you never go back.
 
2014-03-23 10:27:43 AM  
rufus wainwright seen boarding plane to Zimbabwe.
 
2014-03-23 10:28:31 AM  

Rueened: GBB: And this is why religion should be the only authority controlling man.

Classy. Let's make fun of people with different beliefs, after all it can't be bigoted if *you* do it.


Notsureifserious.jpg
 
GBB
2014-03-23 10:29:43 AM  

Rueened: GBB: And this is why religion should be the only authority controlling man.

Classy. Let's make fun of people with different beliefs, after all it can't be bigoted if *you* do it.


Just so we're clear: I'm very bigoted against religion.  I'm anti-theist.
 
2014-03-23 10:31:46 AM  
Fark: Not Florida?
 
2014-03-23 10:32:00 AM  

JesusJuice: Richard C Stanford: Is it wrong that I saw the headline and immediately thought "Africa"?

Of course it's Africa. Nowhere else on Earth has people this backward. Even the "reporter" writing the article seems to believe that this is a real thing.

If you give a million monkeys a million typewriters and unlimited time, they'll eventually write the coected works of Shakespeare. I guess this is what happens when you give one monkey a single typewriter and an afternoon to slap at it.


Orly?

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2014-03-23 10:37:07 AM  

rzrwiresunrise: JesusJuice: Richard C Stanford: Is it wrong that I saw the headline and immediately thought "Africa"?

Of course it's Africa. Nowhere else on Earth has people this backward. Even the "reporter" writing the article seems to believe that this is a real thing.

If you give a million monkeys a million typewriters and unlimited time, they'll eventually write the coected works of Shakespeare. I guess this is what happens when you give one monkey a single typewriter and an afternoon to slap at it.

Orly?


As backwards as these snake-handlers are, they're not beating a man for using sorcery to rape a woman, so... not quite.
 
2014-03-23 10:37:14 AM  
Awesome site is awesome. I saw the headline "Bulilima boy caught having sex with a goat that was bleating in pleasure" in the sidebar, and, having just woken up, read it as "bulimia boy."

I was confused as to why the person having bulimia was relevant, so I clicked it, and there it was: a picture of a guy having sex with a goat, in its uncensored glory.

So that was my morning.
 
2014-03-23 10:37:52 AM  

JesusJuice: mbillips: JesusJuice: Richard C Stanford: Is it wrong that I saw the headline and immediately thought "Africa"?


Of course it's Africa. Nowhere else on Earth has people this backward.

Challenge accepted:

As backwards as this man is, he's not beating someone on suspicion of rape-by-sorcery, so... not quite.


No, over here, we just get moms bashing their kids' brains in with rocks on god's orders, and men killing their girlfriends and dogs on his orders... Much more civilized...
 
2014-03-23 10:38:12 AM  

big pig peaches: mbillips: God, subby, don't you know anything about anything? The guy didn't use a bluetooth device, he used mubobobo, a type of sex magic that RESEMBLES bluetooth in that it allows you to remotely sex somebody up. Jesus, don't they teach sex ed where you went to school?

/mubobobo

I don't want to sound like I'm blaming the victim, but she really should have updated her firewall software.


I wonder if you could sell "wall of fire" charms to these people.

Oh wait, they don't have any money.
 
2014-03-23 10:40:21 AM  

RobSeace: JesusJuice: mbillips: JesusJuice: Richard C Stanford: Is it wrong that I saw the headline and immediately thought "Africa"?


Of course it's Africa. Nowhere else on Earth has people this backward.

Challenge accepted:

As backwards as this man is, he's not beating someone on suspicion of rape-by-sorcery, so... not quite.

No, over here, we just get moms bashing their kids' brains in with rocks on god's orders, and men killing their girlfriends and dogs on his orders... Much more civilized...


The difference is that those people had mental illnesses, but you knew that.
 
2014-03-23 10:40:36 AM  
Yeah, I Mobobobobobobobobo'ed the fark out of Kate Upton last night.  I bet she said I'm the best she's ever had.
 
2014-03-23 10:41:56 AM  

RobSeace: JesusJuice: mbillips: JesusJuice: Richard C Stanford: Is it wrong that I saw the headline and immediately thought "Africa"?


Of course it's Africa. Nowhere else on Earth has people this backward.

Challenge accepted:

As backwards as this man is, he's not beating someone on suspicion of rape-by-sorcery, so... not quite.

No, over here, we just get moms bashing their kids' brains in with rocks on god's orders, and men killing their girlfriends and dogs on his orders... Much more civilized...


There is the slight difference that those people tend to go to jail.

It may seem a petty or purely temporary distinction, the theistic nutjobs here and the theistic nutjobs over there, but it matters.
 
2014-03-23 10:43:55 AM  

RobSeace: JesusJuice: mbillips: JesusJuice: Richard C Stanford: Is it wrong that I saw the headline and immediately thought "Africa"?


Of course it's Africa. Nowhere else on Earth has people this backward.

Challenge accepted:

As backwards as this man is, he's not beating someone on suspicion of rape-by-sorcery, so... not quite.

No, over here, we just get moms bashing their kids' brains in with rocks on god's orders, and men killing their girlfriends and dogs on his orders... Much more civilized...


Those examples are of lone people committing these acts. From TFA it sounds like several people from the church were in on this, which would indicate that it is a more normalized belief and not just one-off nutjobs being crazy.
 
2014-03-23 10:45:28 AM  

JesusJuice: RobSeace: JesusJuice: mbillips: JesusJuice: Richard C Stanford: Is it wrong that I saw the headline and immediately thought "Africa"?


Of course it's Africa. Nowhere else on Earth has people this backward.

Challenge accepted:

As backwards as this man is, he's not beating someone on suspicion of rape-by-sorcery, so... not quite.

No, over here, we just get moms bashing their kids' brains in with rocks on god's orders, and men killing their girlfriends and dogs on his orders... Much more civilized...

The difference is that those people had mental illnesses, but you knew that.


The main difference is that we have a functioning civil government. If America's derpier religious cults weren't restrained by the existence of police and child protective services, they'd be beating the demons and sorcery out of people willy nilly, too. Zimbabwe was first colonized as basically slave labor for England, then left to the tender mercies of Robert Mugabe, so they're probably some years away from that. As for the goofy newspaper story, it's no dumber than the birther, truther, astrology, Sasquatch-believing nonsense that's quite popular in the U.S. of A.
 
2014-03-23 10:46:25 AM  

RobSeace: JesusJuice: mbillips: JesusJuice: Richard C Stanford: Is it wrong that I saw the headline and immediately thought "Africa"?


Of course it's Africa. Nowhere else on Earth has people this backward.

Challenge accepted:

As backwards as this man is, he's not beating someone on suspicion of rape-by-sorcery, so... not quite.

No, over here, we just get moms bashing their kids' brains in with rocks on god's orders, and men killing their girlfriends and dogs on his orders... Much more civilized...


Wow, plenty of folks jumped in a hurry to tell you how very wrong you are. Too bad you lack the self-awareness to internalize it.
 
GBB
2014-03-23 10:46:46 AM  

Fafai: RobSeace: JesusJuice: mbillips: JesusJuice: Richard C Stanford: Is it wrong that I saw the headline and immediately thought "Africa"?


Of course it's Africa. Nowhere else on Earth has people this backward.

Challenge accepted:

As backwards as this man is, he's not beating someone on suspicion of rape-by-sorcery, so... not quite.

No, over here, we just get moms bashing their kids' brains in with rocks on god's orders, and men killing their girlfriends and dogs on his orders... Much more civilized...

Those examples are of lone people committing these acts. From TFA it sounds like several people from the church were in on this, which would indicate that it is a more normalized belief and not just one-off nutjobs being crazy.


So then it's more Salem Witch Trial like but without the trial?
 
2014-03-23 10:47:21 AM  
The bruised man, who sources identified as Tafara Mukoto, had to seek refuge from a neighbouring house to avoid further beatings.

When Houses Attack III
 
2014-03-23 10:51:59 AM  

GBB: Fafai: RobSeace: JesusJuice: mbillips: JesusJuice: Richard C Stanford: Is it wrong that I saw the headline and immediately thought "Africa"?


Of course it's Africa. Nowhere else on Earth has people this backward.

Challenge accepted:

As backwards as this man is, he's not beating someone on suspicion of rape-by-sorcery, so... not quite.

No, over here, we just get moms bashing their kids' brains in with rocks on god's orders, and men killing their girlfriends and dogs on his orders... Much more civilized...

Those examples are of lone people committing these acts. From TFA it sounds like several people from the church were in on this, which would indicate that it is a more normalized belief and not just one-off nutjobs being crazy.

So then it's more Salem Witch Trial like but without the trial?


Pretty much. Comparable to what we did 300+ years ago and without the courtesy of staging a phony trial beforehand. Not really comparable to what happens here today.
 
2014-03-23 10:55:16 AM  

mbillips: JesusJuice: RobSeace: JesusJuice: mbillips: JesusJuice: Richard C Stanford: Is it wrong that I saw the headline and immediately thought "Africa"?


Of course it's Africa. Nowhere else on Earth has people this backward.

Challenge accepted:

As backwards as this man is, he's not beating someone on suspicion of rape-by-sorcery, so... not quite.

No, over here, we just get moms bashing their kids' brains in with rocks on god's orders, and men killing their girlfriends and dogs on his orders... Much more civilized...

The difference is that those people had mental illnesses, but you knew that.

The main difference is that we have a functioning civil government. If America's derpier religious cults weren't restrained by the existence of police and child protective services, they'd be beating the demons and sorcery out of people willy nilly, too. Zimbabwe was first colonized as basically slave labor for England, then left to the tender mercies of Robert Mugabe, so they're probably some years away from that. As for the goofy newspaper story, it's no dumber than the birther, truther, astrology, Sasquatch-believing nonsense that's quite popular in the U.S. of A.


BZZZ! Wrong. You seem to be suggesting that if it wasn't for the police (and for some reason cps) we'd be just as primitive and superstitious as Zimbabwe. This is patently untrue.

The differences between this and birther or truther craziness are... numerous. For starters: it's not mainstream ans no ones being beaten or killed over it.
 
2014-03-23 10:55:28 AM  

Revek: sithon: Little did you know i am using that device right now. I'm having sex with you all and you didn't know it.

As usual no one felt a thing.


You win the thread.

/someone find sithon some Vaseline for that burn
//luckily with mubobobo its not needed for the other thing
 
2014-03-23 10:56:05 AM  
Notice I didn't mention anything about the noble Sasquatch. Sasquatch is very real.
 
2014-03-23 10:57:24 AM  

GBB: Rueened: GBB: And this is why religion should be the only authority controlling man.

Classy. Let's make fun of people with different beliefs, after all it can't be bigoted if *you* do it.

Just so we're clear: I'm very bigoted against religion.  I'm anti-theist.


Oh yes, your bigotry is *very* clear. I'm grateful that you've shown up here to make it obvious.
 
2014-03-23 10:58:14 AM  

Rueened: GBB: Rueened: GBB: And this is why religion should be the only authority controlling man.

Classy. Let's make fun of people with different beliefs, after all it can't be bigoted if *you* do it.

Just so we're clear: I'm very bigoted against religion.  I'm anti-theist.

Oh yes, your bigotry is *very* clear. I'm grateful that you've shown up here to make it obvious.


Self-righteous Christer asshole detected.
 
2014-03-23 10:58:26 AM  

SuperSeriousMan: From TFA: "Several cases of this African bluetooth sex technology have been reported in the past and it is hard for police and victims to prove the claims beyond reasonable doubt."


Would also have accepted:

cafewitteveen.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-03-23 11:02:08 AM  
Religion... always going out of its way to make me feel glad that I'm not infected by it.
 
2014-03-23 11:05:21 AM  

JesusJuice: Rueened: GBB: Rueened: GBB: And this is why religion should be the only authority controlling man.

Classy. Let's make fun of people with different beliefs, after all it can't be bigoted if *you* do it.

Just so we're clear: I'm very bigoted against religion.  I'm anti-theist.

Oh yes, your bigotry is *very* clear. I'm grateful that you've shown up here to make it obvious.

Self-righteous Christer asshole detected.


Your detector must be faulty then; I'm not religious.

But I am a self-righteous asshole.
 
2014-03-23 11:12:28 AM  
Damn! I need to rethink my Bluetooth use. I've been relying on porn.
 
2014-03-23 11:14:01 AM  

Tarkus: Note to self: Don't tap foot in church.


Just stay the fark out Africa.

/Mubobobo.
 
2014-03-23 11:17:15 AM  

JesusJuice: Wow, plenty of folks jumped in a hurry to tell you how very wrong you are. Too bad you lack the self-awareness to internalize it.


I'm wrong? As in those events never happened and those articles I linked to don't exist?

Yeah, of course they're mentally ill... I'd argue so are the people in this story... I'd argue anyone who holds a fundamentalist religious belief so deeply that they're willing to injure or kill over it is mentally ill... From bombers of abortion clinics to the 9/11 terrorists, mentally ill one and all...
 
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