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(Descrier)   Australian "shark attack" girl actually nibbled by mackerel   (descrier.co.uk) divider line 32
    More: Fail, mackerel, sharks  
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5776 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Mar 2014 at 1:52 PM (35 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



32 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-03-18 01:53:45 PM  
www.holymackerelseafoods.com
 
2014-03-18 01:54:20 PM  
I expect a snark attack.
 
2014-03-18 01:54:29 PM  
holy cow
 
2014-03-18 01:54:54 PM  
Hey - headline actually matches TFA!

Can we have a new end of year competition for best Fail?

/ I nominate this one.
 
2014-03-18 01:55:25 PM  
Holy moses, jeezum cow!
 
2014-03-18 01:55:40 PM  
Probably a boating accident.

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-03-18 02:03:41 PM  
Sharks aren't as dangerous as most people think. They don't actively hunt humans. Most "shark attacks" are the shark checking you out. Most of the time, they'll bite you; realize you aren't a seal and swim off. Surfers are at the biggest risk for shark attacks; as, their silhouette makes them look like a seal. If you've ever been in an ocean; you were very likely within 150 yards of a shark and never knew it.
 
2014-03-18 02:08:57 PM  
Australia's dipshiat government is culling sharks? Pretty much everything in Australia kills more people than sharks. Farking COWS kill more people than sharks!
 
2014-03-18 02:14:47 PM  

iheartscotch: Sharks aren't as dangerous as most people think. They don't actively hunt humans. Most "shark attacks" are the shark checking you out. Most of the time, they'll bite you; realize you aren't a seal and swim off. Surfers are at the biggest risk for shark attacks; as, their silhouette makes them look like a seal. If you've ever been in an ocean; you were very likely within 150 yards of a shark and never knew it.



Smh. You are a piece of meat. Normally, no matter where you go on this planet, you are the slowest running, most awkward swimming, least naturally dangerous piece of meat around. Deal with it. You can't protect yourself with claws, a shell, or venom. You can't swim away very fast or shoot oil from your anus to help you escape. You're just meat. Animals aren't man-eaters. They are opportunists. Rats don't eat through a dead body because they sudden;y have the taste of human flesh. They would eat human everyday if they could catch and kill us. Same for lions, wolves, crocodiles, polar bears, and most every other carnivore on the planet. Hell, your house cat would kill and eat you if you were small enough.
 
2014-03-18 02:15:34 PM  
Pernicious lies.
 
2014-03-18 02:34:40 PM  

DROxINxTHExWIND: iheartscotch: Sharks aren't as dangerous as most people think. They don't actively hunt humans. Most "shark attacks" are the shark checking you out. Most of the time, they'll bite you; realize you aren't a seal and swim off. Surfers are at the biggest risk for shark attacks; as, their silhouette makes them look like a seal. If you've ever been in an ocean; you were very likely within 150 yards of a shark and never knew it.


Smh. You are a piece of meat. Normally, no matter where you go on this planet, you are the slowest running, most awkward swimming, least naturally dangerous piece of meat around. Deal with it. You can't protect yourself with claws, a shell, or venom. You can't swim away very fast or shoot oil from your anus to help you escape. You're just meat. Animals aren't man-eaters. They are opportunists. Rats don't eat through a dead body because they sudden;y have the taste of human flesh. They would eat human everyday if they could catch and kill us. Same for lions, wolves, crocodiles, polar bears, and most every other carnivore on the planet. Hell, your house cat would kill and eat you if you were small enough.


You can both be right!

Also, I read the headline in Monty Python style, but I can't decide if it should be Eric Idle or Michael Palin. You know "mackerel" would just trip off their tongues.
 
2014-03-18 02:37:47 PM  

LordJiro: Australia's dipshiat government is culling sharks? Pretty much everything in Australia kills more people than sharks. Farking COWS kill more people than sharks!


In the US the #1killer animal that kills more humans than sharks, gators, venomous snakes, venomous spiders, wolves, and mountain lions combined is (drumroll please) white tailed deer.

Number 2 is bees.
 
2014-03-18 02:39:13 PM  
They bite one of us, we have saba nigiri. It's the Kyoto way.
 
2014-03-18 02:41:21 PM  
Back in it's heyday SCTV did a spoof on Jaws, and this was actually the central gag.  I wanted to post a shot of Joe Flaherty as Quint, but it seems I finally found something too obscure for even Google!


To the best of my recollection:

Chief Brody: "Did the mackerel  bite you"?

Victim: "No, but he looked at me kinda funny".
 
2014-03-18 02:43:10 PM  
So that made her a snackerel?
 
2014-03-18 02:46:20 PM  
In fairness, Australia's mackerel's are probably almost as deadly as their sharks.
 
2014-03-18 02:48:32 PM  
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2014-03-18 02:58:19 PM  
Mackerel go for clams, yes.
 
2014-03-18 03:06:55 PM  
Like the song says:

Oh, the shark has pretty teeth, dear
And he shows 'em, pearly white
Just a pen knife has Mack'rel, dear
And he keeps it, keeps it way out of sight

When that shark bites with his teeth, dear
Scarlet billows, they begin to spread
Puny gums though has the Makerel, dear
So there's rarely, never one trace of red

(Frank Sinatra version of the lyrics)


Did you know that the makerel, like the sardine, is not one species of fish but a generic, mainly commercial name for many species of fish that are similar in size, appearance and commercial importance. There are seven species of "true" mackerel and there are twenty (20) other species sold as mackerel.

Wahoo.

That's not a true interjection. It is the name of one of the other mackerel species.

upload.wikimedia.org

What a wahoo looks like

 
2014-03-18 03:29:33 PM  
brantgoose:

[upload.wikimedia.org image 248x150]What a wahoo looks like

Only one?  Hell.

fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net
 
2014-03-18 03:35:17 PM  

John the Magnificent: Back in it's heyday SCTV did a spoof on Jaws, and this was actually the central gag.  I wanted to post a shot of Joe Flaherty as Quint, but it seems I finally found something too obscure for even Google!


To the best of my recollection:

Chief Brody: "Did the mackerel  bite you"?

Victim: "No, but he looked at me kinda funny".


They were lookin' at us funny at the rate of 100 men a day.
 
2014-03-18 03:49:55 PM  

DROxINxTHExWIND: iheartscotch: . You can't shoot oil from your anus escape.



Orly??? So confident, are we???
 
2014-03-18 03:51:29 PM  
Holy hammerhead!
 
2014-03-18 03:59:44 PM  
That there is what we call a reverse Jaws.
 
2014-03-18 04:40:24 PM  
...but they are extremely ill-tempered mackerel.

www.angelfire.lycos.com
 
2014-03-18 04:41:06 PM  
Jeez, filterpwned by one of the oldest sites on the net. I give up.
 
2014-03-18 04:45:01 PM  
Brutally smooched by koi.
 
2014-03-18 04:55:33 PM  

iheartscotch: Sharks aren't as dangerous as most people think. They don't actively hunt humans. Most "shark attacks" are the shark checking you out. Most of the time, they'll bite you; realize you aren't a seal and swim off. Surfers are at the biggest risk for shark attacks; as, their silhouette makes them look like a seal. If you've ever been in an ocean; you were very likely within 150 yards of a shark and never knew it.


I went snorkeling in the Keys 14 years ago.  The boat we took was making 3 stops at popular reefs.  I was one of the last ones back on the boat after the 2nd stop.  Everyone was talking really excitedly, and someone asked, "Did you see it!?" as I climbed up.  I told them I had no idea what they were talking about.  Turns out an 8' bull shark had been swimming among us.  It came close enough to one girl to make her piss herself.  And I never even knew it was there.  That alone was enough to keep me on the boat at the third stop.  The thought of something larger than me, able to kill me just as easily as I could squash a bug, and being so stealthy I didn't even know it was there was terrifying.

/Stayed on the boat with the girl who peed herself
//Wound up getting a handy from her at the hotel later that night
///Thanks, bull shark
 
2014-03-18 05:12:10 PM  
They eat EVERYTHING and fear is their bacon bits!
 
2014-03-18 11:12:52 PM  
We're going to need a bigger can.
 
2014-03-19 01:46:13 AM  

brantgoose: Like the song says:

Oh, the shark has pretty teeth, dear
And he shows 'em, pearly white
Just a pen knife has Mack'rel, dear
And he keeps it, keeps it way out of sight

When that shark bites with his teeth, dear
Scarlet billows, they begin to spread
Puny gums though has the Makerel, dear
So there's rarely, never one trace of red

(Frank Sinatra version of the lyrics)

Did you know that the makerel, like the sardine, is not one species of fish but a generic, mainly commercial name for many species of fish that are similar in size, appearance and commercial importance. There are seven species of "true" mackerel and there are twenty (20) other species sold as mackerel.

Wahoo.

That's not a true interjection. It is the name of one of the other mackerel species.

[upload.wikimedia.org image 248x150]What a wahoo looks like


I caught a one of them once, over 6 feet long and it tasted delishious.  Cutting across the backbone produces 4 perfect pieces of fish, like little steaks.  Yum.

Wouldn't wont one to bite me though.
 
2014-03-19 07:42:18 AM  
img.fark.net
I was nibbled to death by a piranha mackerel.
 
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