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(Reuters)   Kremlin-backed journalist responds to Obama's threat of sanctions: "Russia is the only country in the world that is realistically capable of turning the United States into radioactive ash"   (in.reuters.com) divider line 277
    More: Interesting, A Kremlin, Russia, United States, punishments, East-West, Russians in Ukraine, journalists, threats  
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5345 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Mar 2014 at 6:50 AM (26 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



277 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-03-17 12:19:23 AM
Meh.  We've got 3 or 4 coal companies that could do that in a weekend.
 
2014-03-17 12:25:45 AM
www.cheersandgears.com
 
2014-03-17 12:35:02 AM
there's no possible way that can end badly for Russia.
 
2014-03-17 01:04:51 AM
There should be a word for the brief bit of joy you have between being horribly embarrassed about a fault you think is unique to you and the disappointment from finding out that everyone else sucks too.  And I'd like a word for the naive optimism that anything really awful and inexcusable can't be very common.
Then I could say "This article was worth it for the snarflax." and "Fark is robbing me of my woopelldoo." respectively.
 
2014-03-17 01:14:14 AM
China can too, can't they?
 
2014-03-17 01:25:30 AM

Confabulat: China can too, can't they?


They have the ICBMs, but not the self-destructive caprice.
 
2014-03-17 01:31:02 AM
I wonder how widely reported it is in Russia, the things American talking heads say about them?
 
2014-03-17 01:42:33 AM

staplermofo: Confabulat: China can too, can't they?

They have the ICBMs, but not the self-destructive caprice.


I used to drive one of those in the early 80s.

chevrolet-parts.uneedapart.com
 
2014-03-17 01:46:32 AM
Ooooh, I just love me some Dr. Strangelove.
 
2014-03-17 01:58:15 AM
I don't even know how that's supposed to be a threat.
 
2014-03-17 03:22:01 AM

Confabulat: China can too, can't they?


I think the real threat is ballistic subs, which China only has a handful of.  They can stealthily park off the coast and nuke the shiat out of the whole country from relatively close range and give the target almost no time to react, preventing any sort of evacuation or cohesive counter-attack.

I half-remember a briefing detailing what an actual nuclear war would be like.  The subs would hit anything vital first, the ICBMs second, and by the time the nuclear bombers got there, they'd just be bouncing the rubble and corpses around.
 
2014-03-17 04:42:35 AM
I'm overwhelmed by nostalgia...

/child of the 70s
 
2014-03-17 06:33:08 AM
Let's do it.
hisvorpal.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-03-17 06:47:54 AM
fta Kiselyov was named by President Vladimir Putin in December as the head of a new state news agency whose task will be to portray Russia in the best possible light.

Well, let's hope that starts soon
 
2014-03-17 06:55:28 AM
I'm confused. Republicans said Potty would just laugh at "The Chosen One's" threat to decimate Potty's economy. But now Potty's threatening nuclear war as retaliation.
 
2014-03-17 06:56:20 AM

Tarkus: Ooooh, I just love me some Dr. Strangelove.


We cannot allow a Petter Sellers reference Gap!!
 
2014-03-17 06:56:26 AM
Mutually assured destruction relies on the necessity for basic maintenance of your stockpiles for all players.

You guys have barely been able to keep your shiat together as a country, nevermind a global military force.

Sure, it may only take one nuke to get out of the silo and into our airspace to have an impact.  But rest assured our country is laden with nutcases that, despite my own admitted heckling, thought you'd try and pull crap like this again someday.
 
2014-03-17 06:57:09 AM

sammyk: Let's do it.
[hisvorpal.files.wordpress.com image 400x400]


So that's where Mitch McConnell got his start.
 
2014-03-17 06:57:38 AM
He knows the US still has nukes, right?
 
2014-03-17 06:58:22 AM
[wellthatesclatedquicky.jpg]
 
2014-03-17 06:58:29 AM
Sanctions will probably be along the lines of freezing some assets and reductions in some purchases of Russian goods.  Mostly the sections will be tokens.  I doubt Putin would risk turning Russia into a pile of radio active ash over a couple million dollars of sanctions.
 
2014-03-17 06:58:47 AM

Skarekrough: Mutually assured destruction relies on the necessity for basic maintenance of your stockpiles for all players.

You guys have barely been able to keep your shiat together as a country, nevermind a global military force.

Sure, it may only take one nuke to get out of the silo and into our airspace to have an impact.  But rest assured our country is laden with nutcases that, despite my own admitted heckling, thought hoped you'd try and pull crap like this again someday.


FIFY
 
2014-03-17 06:59:12 AM
Having just re-read A Canticle for Leibowitz, I'm getting a kick out of this.
 
2014-03-17 07:01:11 AM

digistil: I'm confused. Republicans said Potty would just laugh at "The Chosen One's" threat to decimate Potty's economy. But now Potty's threatening nuclear war as retaliation.


No, no. This is all because Obama was too weak to nuke Libya after Benghazi.
 
2014-03-17 07:01:18 AM

Skarekrough: Mutually assured destruction relies on the necessity for basic maintenance of your stockpiles for all players.

You guys have barely been able to keep your shiat together as a country, nevermind a global military force.

Sure, it may only take one nuke to get out of the silo and into our airspace to have an impact.  But rest assured our country is laden with nutcases that, despite my own admitted heckling, thought you'd try and pull crap like this again someday.


Watch "Hunt for Red October".  The Russian sub fleet isn't great, but it may be good enough, and it only takes one boomer to really screw up your day.
 
2014-03-17 07:02:36 AM
Don't get MAD, get even. Mutually Assured Destruction, baby!
 
2014-03-17 07:02:51 AM
Dmitry Kiselyov (the journalist in the article) is a farking shiatstain, who learned early what rhetoric sells to extreme Russian conservatives and made his career of spouting the vilest lies possible, being the hawkest hawk on Russian TV (and that says a lot), and building ridiculous and vile conspiracy theories, all in the name of ratings and popularity among stupidest conservative/nationalist people of Russia. Sort of Glenn Beck on steroids.

I despise the man.
 
2014-03-17 07:05:24 AM

Muta: Sanctions will probably be along the lines of freezing some assets and reductions in some purchases of Russian goods.  Mostly the sections will be tokens.  I doubt Putin would risk turning Russia into a pile of radio active ash over a couple million dollars of sanctions.


Russia has said they will seek out alternative currencies if sanctions continue. I think that is kind of scary. That's typically the US's cue to start shiat.

It all seems like a dangerous game of chicken to me, at this point.
 
2014-03-17 07:08:26 AM
img1.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-03-17 07:08:43 AM
Countdown to some russian idiot trying to launch one of their missiles at us, only to have it self-destruct on the ground, which will result in more unsuccessful launches. America wins without firing a shot.
 
2014-03-17 07:08:46 AM
 
2014-03-17 07:09:06 AM

Notabunny: fta Kiselyov was named by President Vladimir Putin in December as the head of a new state news agency whose task will be to portray Russia in the best possible light.

Well, let's hope that starts soon


They mean the light of a nuclear blast.
 
2014-03-17 07:10:28 AM

Muta: I doubt Putin would risk turning Russia into a pile of radio active ash over a couple million dollars of sanctions.


Of course not. It's Dmitry Kiselyov, the greatest a$$hole among Russian journalists. The man would threaten Switzerland with nuclear strikes for mere looking at Russia in a funny way.
 
2014-03-17 07:11:12 AM
The only U.S. reaction to that bullshiat should be "So can we..dick."
 
2014-03-17 07:11:49 AM
Can't we just send the Nobel Peace Prize winner over on a one-way ticket?

I think the threat of him permanently over there would reduce the Ruskies to give us whatever we want.
 
2014-03-17 07:11:50 AM

NobleHam: Having just re-read A Canticle for Leibowitz, I'm getting a kick out of this.


Me too! Last week. That great novel might gain some traction again.
 
2014-03-17 07:12:09 AM

NobleHam: Having just re-read A Canticle for Leibowitz, I'm getting a kick out of this.


The problem is at the time A Canticle for Leibowitz was written, it was assumed important technical documents would be kept on paper (blueprints, etc.)  An update-to-date modern version would go like this:

Brother Francis Gerard entered the fall-out shelter and found nothing but a flat, rectangular screen lying amongst the rubble.  The front was all glass, and the back was a light coloured metal Brother Francis had never seen before.  A wire was found nearby.  One end appeared to fit in a slot on the side of the screen, and the other end had two prongs that were completely bewildering to Brother Francis.  The glass screen was cracked.

The End.
 
2014-03-17 07:14:28 AM
i3.photobucket.com

Ve have a plan for that, Mein Führer
 
2014-03-17 07:15:10 AM
It's amazing how out of practice Russia is at being a world power. It's only been what, 25 years, and they're acting like North Korea or something. Putin's got a lot of work to do if he wants to bring back the good old days.
Russia shouldn't be talking. Russia should be having a parade. I'm looking forward to May 1st. I hope to see a platoon of mecs, each with a nuclear missile the length of a city block slung over its shoulder, clomping down Red Square, maybe firing candy at prop children from grenade launchers on their free arms. That's how we'll know Russia is back, not some goofy mouthpiece muttering threats.
 
2014-03-17 07:15:24 AM
*reads article*

Ok. so this is Russia's version of Bill O'Reilly.

I mean, look at this...

Kiselyov is an outspoken defender of Putin and once caused outrage by saying the organs of homosexuals should  not be used in transplants.

I get a 50 that says he's working for Fox news in a month.
 
2014-03-17 07:15:35 AM
realistically

foamers.net
 
2014-03-17 07:16:11 AM

Muta: Sanctions will probably be along the lines of freezing some assets and reductions in some purchases of Russian goods.  Mostly the sections will be tokens.  I doubt Putin would risk turning Russia into a pile of radio active ash over a couple million dollars of sanctions.


So if you drink Russian vodka, start stocking up now?
 
2014-03-17 07:16:36 AM

i51.tinypic.com

 
2014-03-17 07:16:54 AM

Mr. Oizo: NobleHam: Having just re-read A Canticle for Leibowitz, I'm getting a kick out of this.

The problem is at the time A Canticle for Leibowitz was written, it was assumed important technical documents would be kept on paper (blueprints, etc.)  An update-to-date modern version would go like this:

Brother Francis Gerard entered the fall-out shelter and found nothing but a flat, rectangular screen lying amongst the rubble.  The front was all glass, and the back was a light coloured metal Brother Francis had never seen before.  A wire was found nearby.  One end appeared to fit in a slot on the side of the screen, and the other end had two prongs that were completely bewildering to Brother Francis.  The glass screen was cracked.

The End.


Well done. My house is crawling with high tech, but my wife gave me a shopping list just yesterday on a little piece of paper. So there.
 
2014-03-17 07:17:02 AM

log_jammin: Ok. so this is Russia's version of Bill O'Reilly.


Bill O'Reilly is actually not as bad as Kiselyov. Okay, so water goes up, goes down, you can't explain it. But he still isn't as bad as Kiselyov.
 
2014-03-17 07:18:03 AM
Hey, dipshiat? You may be thinking that, since Russia's so big and all, it'd be harder to do the same to it. But someone should remind you that most of Russia is, y'know, pretty much empty, and its economy, population, and government is mostly concentrated in a much smaller area.

Also, we have more nukes that are almost certainly more advanced and better maintained. Just, y'know, food for thought.
 
2014-03-17 07:18:10 AM
cdn.hitfix.com
 
2014-03-17 07:18:29 AM
They're also dealing with the only country in the world that's ever actually used a nuclear device against another country, so I'm not sure what point he's trying to make.
Also, I know their Typhoons aren't in service anymore, and the new Boreis don't have working missiles yet, so what do they have left?  A few Deltas maybe?
 
2014-03-17 07:19:07 AM
Big talk but we all know the Great War will be fought between the US and China, not former Soviets dreaming of the Old Days.
 
2014-03-17 07:20:06 AM
Much nostalgia.

I feel like banging a shoe on my desk.
 
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