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(Daily Mail)   Heads up - hunt for severed penis still raging, police combing grassy fields, rising waters and boggy meadows; mounted patrol may join forces. They are asking for solid tips, no junk calls, penis   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 54
    More: Misc, road closure, Middlesbrough  
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2956 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Mar 2014 at 11:40 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



54 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2014-03-16 10:27:30 AM  
Let it go, man.
 
2014-03-16 11:35:18 AM  
They need to look in the woods.
 
2014-03-16 11:42:59 AM  
Something will pop up, I'm sure.
 
2014-03-16 11:44:32 AM  
When they find it, the cop who draws the chalk outline will have to be Dick Tracy.
 
2014-03-16 11:46:32 AM  
They need to choose the search teams from the hottest women they can recruit, searching in the buff while frolicking with each other. That'll make it a whole lot easier to find.
 
2014-03-16 11:46:38 AM  
Did they check the medicine cabinet?
 
2014-03-16 11:47:13 AM  
Oh, like anything we could do would make a vast difference.
 
2014-03-16 11:50:17 AM  
At least seven children by three mothers?
My guess is that the penis in question is probably viable as a separate organism and is working on creating child number eight.
 
2014-03-16 11:56:39 AM  
The longer time it takes, the harder it's gonna get.
 
2014-03-16 11:57:11 AM  
Ah, beautiful Middlesbrough.

Nice photo of traveller caravans next to a big-ass yellow chlorine pipe from the chemical works.

NJ eat your heart out
 
2014-03-16 11:58:15 AM  
Markoff Chaney has it?
 
2014-03-16 11:59:33 AM  
Did they look on Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place, where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street? Perhaps next to a broken toaster?
 
2014-03-16 12:03:31 PM  

Eriond: Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place


Came for this, leaving w/ a penis.
 
2014-03-16 12:04:03 PM  
Good news, we've found your penis in a drainage ditch. Sure, it's now partially decomposed, soggy and purple, plugged up with mud, growing a layer of fungus, and it's been nibbled by raccoons, but we found it. Here.
 
2014-03-16 12:04:12 PM  
Wow, that is some elaborate scavenger hunt.
 
2014-03-16 12:05:09 PM  
Raging Severed Penis.

Ska band name.
 
2014-03-16 12:14:12 PM  
Idiocracy family tree ensues
 
2014-03-16 12:16:23 PM  
It's always in the last place you look.  I suggest starting with the Popemobile.
 
2014-03-16 12:17:17 PM  
Gypsies did it?

Just replace it with a dag.
 
2014-03-16 12:19:26 PM  
First we had a missing airplane that includes a flight deck aka cockpit, then a missing penis aka cock, all during the Russia/Ukraine cock-up, coincidence?
 
2014-03-16 12:20:42 PM  
Good to see that survival of the fittest is still working.  I will sleep well tonight knowing this man's genetic line will survive.
 
2014-03-16 12:22:20 PM  
Subby tried way too HARD.

amidoinitright?
 
2014-03-16 12:35:47 PM  

zamboni: Oh, like anything we could do would make a vast difference.


Why did I read that as 'vas deferens'?
 
2014-03-16 12:45:18 PM  

freetomato: When they find it, the cop who draws the chalk outline will have to be Dick Tracy.


NEON NOODLE!
 
2014-03-16 01:13:53 PM  
Forget it man, just get a new one from a black organ donor.
 
2014-03-16 01:17:16 PM  

FunkOut: Gypsies did it?

Just replace it with a dag.


Oh sure I like dags, I like peckers more.
 
2014-03-16 01:22:38 PM  

Kevin72: zamboni: Oh, like anything we could do would make a vast difference.

Why did I read that as 'vas deferens'?


You win. My monitor lost
 
2014-03-16 01:24:00 PM  

FunkOut: Gypsies did it?

Just replace it with a dag.


WTF dag?
 
2014-03-16 01:32:54 PM  
Did they check the sausage case at ASDA?
 
2014-03-16 01:33:13 PM  

Kevin72: zamboni: Oh, like anything we could do would make a vast difference.

Why did I read that as 'vas deferens'?


Hopefully, because thatwasthejhoke.jpg?
 
2014-03-16 01:35:55 PM  

whatsupchuck: It's always in the last place you look.


I once found an old TV remote control that had got wedged between the sofa cushions.
 
2014-03-16 01:39:28 PM  
I think the meat's gone bad.
 
2014-03-16 01:47:29 PM  
www.blogcdn.com
 
2014-03-16 01:49:03 PM  
Free Willy!
 
2014-03-16 02:05:23 PM  
So it's a....

*Puts on sunglasses....


Hard target search?

YEEEAAAAHHHHHH!
 
2014-03-16 02:14:56 PM  
I expected to see some king's horses and men references.

img.fark.net
 
2014-03-16 02:26:11 PM  

BlackMtnMan: I think the meat's gone bad.


Even if they should be lucky enough to find it, it's lost all viability as to being useful for anything. e.g: insects, animals, weather condition, etc.
 
2014-03-16 02:36:39 PM  

zamboni: Kevin72: zamboni: Oh, like anything we could do would make a vast difference.

Why did I read that as 'vas deferens'?

Hopefully, because thatwasthejhoke.jpg?


Clearly itcouldhavebeenthejoke.jpg. But just in case it was not intentional by original poster and just in case some farkers never heard of a vas deferens, I replied.
 
2014-03-16 02:40:57 PM  

BlackMtnMan: I think the meat's gone bad.


Which makes me wonder. If they can have a re-attachment surgery, can they have a transplant surgery from a freshly deceased organ donor?
 
2014-03-16 02:45:35 PM  
Kelvin 'Kelly' Hewitt, the man believed to have had his penis cut off by gipsies, is the father of at least seven children by three different women, it has been reported.

Cut him off; he's bagged his limit.

From nowhere through a caravan around the campfire light
A lovely woman in motion with hair as dark as night
Her eyes were like that of a cat in the dark
That hypnotized me with love

She was a gypsy woman
She was a gypsy woman

She danced around and round to a guitar melody
From the fire her face was all aglow how she enchanted me
Oh, how I'd like to hold her near
And kiss and forever whisper in her ear

I love you gypsy woman
I love you gypsy woman

All through the caravan, she was dancing with all the men
Waiting for the rising sun everyone was having fun
I hate to see the lady go knowing she'll never know
That I love her, I love her

But then her boyfriend showed up with a knife that night
Cut off my junk with a single swipe
Now they're looking wide and far
for my dick he threw out a car

I love my Gypsy Woman from the moment I'd seen her
But frankly speaking I'd rather have my wiener
 
2014-03-16 02:55:27 PM  
Just have them transplant a horse penis on in place of yours. Should be good, right?
 
2014-03-16 03:09:55 PM  
I've heard the best way to find a penis is a short skirt.

Kit Fister: Just have them transplant a horse penis on in place of yours. Should be good, right?


Or an elephant trunk, as long as you don't mind having peanuts shoved up your a**.
 
2014-03-16 03:16:48 PM  

Kit Fister: Just have them transplant a horse penis on in place of yours. Should be good, right?


Or a sperm whale.
 
2014-03-16 03:22:13 PM  

Oldiron_79: Kit Fister: Just have them transplant a horse penis on in place of yours. Should be good, right?

Or a sperm whale.


Now now, let's not be greedy.
 
2014-03-16 03:38:12 PM  

Kit Fister: Oldiron_79: Kit Fister: Just have them transplant a horse penis on in place of yours. Should be good, right?

Or a sperm whale.

Now now, let's not be greedy.


So just pull out enough to win the turkey?
 
2014-03-16 03:40:17 PM  

Kevin72: BlackMtnMan: I think the meat's gone bad.

Which makes me wonder. If they can have a re-attachment surgery, can they have a transplant surgery from a freshly deceased organ donor?


An "organ" transplant?  The anti rejection drugs are pricey.
 
2014-03-16 03:56:37 PM  

Oldiron_79: Kit Fister: Oldiron_79: Kit Fister: Just have them transplant a horse penis on in place of yours. Should be good, right?

Or a sperm whale.

Now now, let's not be greedy.

So just pull out enough to win the turkey?


Pretty much. Enough to be set for life, not enough that you'll have to fark a sperm whale or fat chick for the rest of your life.
 
2014-03-16 04:27:45 PM  
They need a police dog to sniff it out. What kind? A cocker spaniel, of course.
 
2014-03-16 04:50:53 PM  

agitated chicken: Good news, we've found your penis in a drainage ditch. Sure, it's now partially decomposed, soggy and purple, plugged up with mud, growing a layer of fungus, and it's been nibbled by raccoons, but we found it. Here.


img.fark.net

"Here's your penis, sir! Don't forget to use a condom!"
 
2014-03-16 05:01:55 PM  
Have a shaman and a cop shout voodoo dick my ass and up it will fly
 
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