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(Huffington Post)   Eleven sure-fire ways to get the worst sleep of your life   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 51
    More: PSA, stress response  
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10513 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Mar 2014 at 6:45 AM (26 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-03-16 06:48:31 AM
Huffington Post is doing a bang up job at catching up with the Daily Fail in terms of content
 
2014-03-16 06:53:08 AM
Let the children decide their own bedtime? I'm trying to keep up with the hipster parents people.
 
2014-03-16 06:54:02 AM
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
 
2014-03-16 06:54:43 AM
Didn't read it but, I'll guess that having kids is likely related to at least half of these.

/off to check the article now...
 
2014-03-16 06:58:13 AM
filler
/yawn
 
2014-03-16 07:01:36 AM

SquiggsIN: Didn't read it but, I'll guess that having kids is likely related to at least half of these.


Nope. Left out entirely. No wonder TFA looks like it was written by a 19-year-old intern.

And as for pets, well...cats invite themselves into your bed. And onto yourkl;an;sgbk; keyboard.
 
2014-03-16 07:05:03 AM
Have kids + work way before dawn= successfully maintaining worst sleep ever!
 
2014-03-16 07:08:33 AM
How to get to sleep quickly: Bring up Huffingzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
 
2014-03-16 07:22:15 AM
I prefer top ten lists, but this one goes to eleven. It's one stupider.
 
2014-03-16 07:24:43 AM

piercedgeek: Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids


It's not there because Huffpo staff has not graduated college yet.
 
2014-03-16 07:24:50 AM

piercedgeek: Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids


Oh, I see it's been covered.
 
2014-03-16 07:28:47 AM
Welp, lessee. I did

1. Stayed up because BF works late

2. Played video games too late because an old friend was playing

3. Had trouble falling asleep.. Even though that never used to happen

4. Called the cat to bed, she crawled right under the covers with me

And here I am:
5. The cat woke me up when she got hot and left. Usually I sleep through this part.
 
2014-03-16 07:32:15 AM
12: Sleep on the bathroom side of the bed from a woman

13: Take your partner to Unlimited Bratwurst and Sauerkraut night at the beerhaus

14: "Accidentally" stick it in her pooper and get banished to the couch

15: Fail to notice her new hair and get banished to the couch

16: Leave the toilet seat up and get banished to the couch

17: Forget you were no longer banished to the couch and get banished to the couch.
 
2014-03-16 07:32:25 AM
I left out "had a few beers" because I do not believe that is a contributing factor. This insomnia thing is new to me in the last two weeks but now that i think about it, does coincide with finding the Fark App and my late-night hanging out on Fark whilst in bed.
 
2014-03-16 07:44:15 AM
Very timely thread too, after having gotten 2 or 3 hours of very broken sleep last night. Don't go past 1 kid, even if you think they sleep through the night, cause they will stop, start tag teaming with their younger sibling and wreck you. Both asleep now, going to crash for 15 min before one wakes back up
 
2014-03-16 07:45:28 AM
Hmmm... I hit about 8 out of the 11.   A couple of those are redundant, though.  Watching TV and watching Netflix?  Kinda the same thing, really, in terms of sleep-disrupting capacity.

In my case, I counted sitting in front of a computer toward both those, since it's the artificial light strong in blue tones that messes you up.
 
2014-03-16 07:54:44 AM
This is why I get fall down drunk every single night.
 
2014-03-16 07:55:12 AM
Nope, both awake, fark it then
 
2014-03-16 08:05:39 AM
You mean caffeine doesn't help me sleep?

I thought it was supposed to pick me up while calming me down!
 
2014-03-16 08:14:26 AM
12: Try to sleep when the neighbors upstairs are having their weekly oompa band and clog dancing night.

13: Forget you live under a flight path and leave a window open to catch some night breeze.

14: Get pregnant. Calf cramps at 4 am without fail.

15: Keep any sort of fur-bearing critter in the home. Hrk hrk hrk hrk hrk hrk hrk bloooort.

I need to get out of apartment life.
 
2014-03-16 08:20:24 AM

styckx: Huffington Post is doing a bang up job at catching up with the Daily Fail in terms of content


I was thinking Buzzfeed honestly, and that that needed a 'FEATURED SPONSOR/PARTNERS' link.

lackadaisicalfreakshow: 14: Get pregnant. Calf cramps at 4 am without fail.


Out of curiosity, knowing absolutely negative everything about pregnant women, is this due to the pregnancy, or due to dehydration? I personally get massive entire-leg cramps if I don't drink enough water, and for me, that's several liters a day usually.  I was just thinking that pregnancy stereotypically includes lots of constantly going to the bathroom, vomiting, and suddenly having more uses for liquid in your body (milk production, cycling water through to baby)?
 
2014-03-16 08:26:50 AM
kroonermanblack:

lackadaisicalfreakshow: 14: Get pregnant. Calf cramps at 4 am without fail.

Out of curiosity, knowing absolutely negative everything about pregnant women, is this due to the pregnancy, or due to dehydration? I personally get massive entire-leg cramps if I don't drink enough water, and for me, that's several liters a day usually.  I was just thinking that pregnancy stereotypically includes lots of constantly going to the bathroom, vomiting, and suddenly having more uses for liquid in your body (milk production, cycling water through to baby)?


It's one of those "no one knows so we just accept it" things. Could be dehydration as you think, could be protein and calcium redistribution, could be the fetus hates me.
 
2014-03-16 09:00:42 AM

piercedgeek: Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids


Once you have the kids, half the things on their list no longer stops you from sleeping.  The exhaustion just takes you, and you learn to manage the exhaustion to line up with 'normal' sleep time.

lackadaisicalfreakshow: 13: Forget you live under a flight path and leave a window open to catch some night breeze.


I've lived on a flight path and right next to a train track, you get used to it to the point that neither will wake you.  While living in SC without A/C, had to open the windows.
 
2014-03-16 09:02:49 AM

lackadaisicalfreakshow: kroonermanblack:

lackadaisicalfreakshow: 14: Get pregnant. Calf cramps at 4 am without fail.

Out of curiosity, knowing absolutely negative everything about pregnant women, is this due to the pregnancy, or due to dehydration? I personally get massive entire-leg cramps if I don't drink enough water, and for me, that's several liters a day usually.  I was just thinking that pregnancy stereotypically includes lots of constantly going to the bathroom, vomiting, and suddenly having more uses for liquid in your body (milk production, cycling water through to baby)?

It's one of those "no one knows so we just accept it" things. Could be dehydration as you think, could be protein and calcium redistribution, could be the fetus hates me.


Awww, the fetus doesn't hate you. It's just easing you into the lack of sleep you'll expirience when it gets here.

/good luck!
 
2014-03-16 09:06:46 AM

styckx: Huffington Post is doing a bang up job at catching up with the Daily Fail in terms of content


Seriously. Did they buy buzzfeed or something? THey suddenly seem to like these stupid lists.
 
2014-03-16 09:22:47 AM
Is there a website left that ISN'T resorting to "ten weird tricks" or "top five lifehacks" to whore for clicks?

Just such awful non-content.
 
2014-03-16 09:26:23 AM

Optimus Primate: Is there a website left that ISN'T resorting to "ten weird tricks" or "top five lifehacks" to whore for clicks?

Just such awful non-content.


Inching, inching toward Idiocracy.
 
2014-03-16 09:27:46 AM

piercedgeek: Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids


having a kid did the opposite for me.  It made me far more schedule oriented which led to better sleeping habits.  After going basically a decade averaging around four hours of sleep a night it was a nice change to start getting six or seven hours a night.  Knowing that I had a little one waking up around 6am made me stop watching those crappy tv shows at 1am and playing video games late at night.
 
2014-03-16 09:35:28 AM
1. Get older.
 
2014-03-16 09:36:43 AM
10:05 p.m. -- Turn on the TV.
And make sure to bask in the boob tube's blue glow -- all that light late at night will tell your brain it's not bedtime yet.


I always have the TV on when I fall asleep, couldn't fall asleep otherwise.
 
2014-03-16 09:41:39 AM

piercedgeek: Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids


Pathetic! You'll never win, you know.

cdn3.whatculture.com
 
2014-03-16 09:47:13 AM
Caffiene makes me sleepy. Don't know why.
 
2014-03-16 09:50:01 AM

piercedgeek: Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids


Done in 3.  Glad fark knows what TFA doesn't.
 
2014-03-16 09:50:08 AM

Benjimin_Dover: Caffiene makes me sleepy. Don't know why.


My wife has me make her a double shot of espresso if we're going to watch a movie at night.

/Sleeps like a baby
//Wakes up every two hours screaming.
 
2014-03-16 10:20:16 AM

piercedgeek: Very timely thread too, after having gotten 2 or 3 hours of very broken sleep last night. Don't go past 1 kid, even if you think they sleep through the night, cause they will stop, start tag teaming with their younger sibling and wreck you. Both asleep now, going to crash for 15 min before one wakes back up


In reality, you're probably more zoned out than you think you are, or you should learn to be. Somewhere between the second and third kid I learned to tune out the ambient kid noise. Constant banging in the room was probably happening, but it didn't affect my concentration. Incessant questioning and squabbles could be handled from some subconscious part of my brain. Before you have kids and you see parents in a store with the kids carrying on, and wonder, "Don't they hear that?" Well, no they don't. When the third kid came along I actually used to do my physics homework while dealing with a fussy baby.

Then - they grow up and move away. None of the neighborhood kids are running through the house banging doors and turning up the radio. I hadn't heard quiet in over 20 years. I was sitting in the living room and heard a chime from the kitchen. I went to investigate and found the clock I'd bought 15 years prior made noise on the hour. I asked the wife how long has that been going on? "Since you bought it."
 
2014-03-16 11:00:32 AM
TFA was incredibly informative and helpful. I didn't realize I shouldn't allow my mind to race while I'm trying to sleep. Hmm. No need to provide any tips on how to keep the mind from racing. Simply informing me that it could be a problem was enough.

Thanks, TFA!
 
2014-03-16 12:18:41 PM

piercedgeek: Very timely thread too, after having gotten 2 or 3 hours of very broken sleep last night. Don't go past 1 kid, even if you think they sleep through the night, cause they will stop, start tag teaming with their younger sibling and wreck you. Both asleep now, going to crash for 15 min before one wakes back up


Have twins, who are bad sleepers, and then, the tag team begins.  I was sleep deprived for years.  I was renown for falling asleep at family get togethers, where grandma or step-daughters or aunts and uncles would be holding and taking care of the twins.  It was like flipping a light switch, except with snoring.
 
2014-03-16 12:50:34 PM
FTFA: Experts believe the sweet spot is between about 60 and 67 degrees Fahrenheit.

Ok, I would die. I even have difficulty exercising in the low 60s and exercise warms you up.
/thanks goodness I live in a warm climate
 
2014-03-16 01:22:12 PM
1) Get drunk
2) Have a hookup
3) Try to sleep with a stranger in your bed
4) Get up for work
 
2014-03-16 01:53:34 PM
Rreal:  14: "Accidentally" stick it in her pooper and get banished to the couch

Make it "on purpose" with her permission.  Then fall asleep w/o pulling out.  Guaranteed to be the most restful night's sleep either of you will ever have.  (Standard warnings about priapism, sanitation, lube choice, etc. apply)  If you've done it, you know what I mean.
 
2014-03-16 02:04:04 PM

piercedgeek: Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids
Have kids


Jesus, this.  My 4 month old girl has a bad cold this weekend, and I've only managed about 8 hours of sleep.

Since Thursday.
 
2014-03-16 03:07:41 PM
#1 Marry my ex-wife and try to share a bed with her.
 
2014-03-16 04:01:50 PM

Benjimin_Dover: Caffiene makes me sleepy. Don't know why.


If stimulants calm you down, you might have ADD/ADHD, It's one of the 'symptoms' I see tossed around a lot.

Personally, my family just drinks a lot of coffee. My mother and grandmother drank a cup before going to sleep half the time.
 
2014-03-16 04:59:47 PM

kroonermanblack: Benjimin_Dover: Caffiene makes me sleepy. Don't know why.

If stimulants calm you down, you might have ADD/ADHD, It's one of the 'symptoms' I see tossed around a lot.

Personally, my family just drinks a lot of coffee. My mother and grandmother drank a cup before going to sleep half the time.



Same here. Cup puts me right out.
 
2014-03-16 05:18:03 PM
Netflix and boring documentaries do it for me every time. They play out and the tube gets stuck at the nearly black screen. No loud commercials. Last night was UFOs. Man! Talk about boring. It was perfect. Just be careful. Some can suck you in.

/try the sex life of a mollusk
//every time.... zzzzzzzzzzz
 
2014-03-16 06:02:10 PM

kroonermanblack: Benjimin_Dover: Caffiene makes me sleepy. Don't know why.

If stimulants calm you down, you might have ADD/ADHD, It's one of the 'symptoms' I see tossed around a lot.

Personally, my family just drinks a lot of coffee. My mother and grandmother drank a cup before going to sleep half the time.


Not so much a symptom as darned near diagnostic. When I was being diagnosed they prescribed me a small dose of d-amphetamine. I took it and felt very relaxed, then had a very refreshing nap. The doctor said that clinched the diagnosis as far as he was concerned.
 
2014-03-16 06:04:33 PM
saturn badger:
/try the sex life of a mollusk
//every time.... zzzzzzzzzzz


Wank off and spawn into the breeze?
Do an intricate dance, tear off an arm and put it in her hoo-hah?
Give her semen tattoos?
 
2014-03-16 06:06:20 PM

saturn badger: Netflix and boring documentaries do it for me every time. They play out and the tube gets stuck at the nearly black screen. No loud commercials. Last night was UFOs. Man! Talk about boring. It was perfect. Just be careful. Some can suck you in.

/try the sex life of a mollusk
//every time.... zzzzzzzzzzz


....
Stab each other with chalk harpoons?
Fark 20 feet above the ground suspended by a thread of mucus from a branch?
Have a penis-fencing match, loser gets impregnated?
 
2014-03-16 09:11:13 PM

anuran: kroonermanblack: Benjimin_Dover: Caffiene makes me sleepy. Don't know why.

If stimulants calm you down, you might have ADD/ADHD, It's one of the 'symptoms' I see tossed around a lot.

Personally, my family just drinks a lot of coffee. My mother and grandmother drank a cup before going to sleep half the time.

Not so much a symptom as darned near diagnostic. When I was being diagnosed they prescribed me a small dose of d-amphetamine. I took it and felt very relaxed, then had a very refreshing nap. The doctor said that clinched the diagnosis as far as he was concerned.


Probably it.  I also get really relaxed by a nice big fat chew right be before I go to bed.  Like I am doing now. A little Copenhagen and then some zzzzzz.
 
2014-03-16 09:32:57 PM
I agree with the alcohol thing,  More than two drinks within a few hours of bed and I'm out quick but up three hours later.   I've always been this way even in my 20s.   Makes the next day suck arse:  Not hungover but in a fog.

My parents will drink coffee all day right up until bed.  If I have it after 3pm I'm awake till 3am.

I'm weak like Ukraine.
 
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