If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(SFGate)   Man Googles himself to see if he's a wanted man, finds out he's wanted by someone, promptly surrenders himself to his new found friends the police   (blog.sfgate.com) divider line 46
    More: Weird  
•       •       •

13470 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Mar 2014 at 7:40 PM (36 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



46 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-03-15 06:49:52 PM  
Unfortunately that's a bit harder to do if your name is John Smith.
 
2014-03-15 06:54:21 PM  
"Captured Fugitive"?

There should be some kind of law against that kind of lie. He turned himself in. He is currently neither fugitive nor captured. "In Custody" is a much better description.
 
2014-03-15 07:19:54 PM  

doglover: "Captured Fugitive"?

There should be some kind of law against that kind of lie. He turned himself in. He is currently neither fugitive nor captured. "In Custody" is a much better description.


Because police departments are known for their honesty regarding themselves and their arrests
 
2014-03-15 07:37:12 PM  

doglover: "Captured Fugitive"?

There should be some kind of law against that kind of lie. He turned himself in. He is currently neither fugitive nor captured. "In Custody" is a much better description.


Another job well done.  Increase their budget.  /snark
 
2014-03-15 07:40:55 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: doglover: "Captured Fugitive"?

There should be some kind of law against that kind of lie. He turned himself in. He is currently neither fugitive nor captured. "In Custody" is a much better description.

Because police departments are known for their honesty regarding themselves and their arrests


Which is why there should be a federal law mandating I, doglover j gilipollas, get to final approval on the language police can and can't use with relation to their job. Violations of the law would be a federal infraction against the department as a whole leading to potential fines, arrests, or possibly even relocation to Ohio.
 
2014-03-15 07:52:37 PM  
I just googled him and it said he's been caught. I must have a newer version of google.
 
2014-03-15 07:53:20 PM  

doglover: Benevolent Misanthrope: doglover: "Captured Fugitive"?

There should be some kind of law against that kind of lie. He turned himself in. He is currently neither fugitive nor captured. "In Custody" is a much better description.

Because police departments are known for their honesty regarding themselves and their arrests

Which is why there should be a federal law mandating I, doglover j gilipollas, get to final approval on the language police can and can't use with relation to their job. Violations of the law would be a federal infraction against the department as a whole leading to potential fines, arrests, or possibly even relocation to Ohio.


*giggles at name*
 
2014-03-15 07:55:24 PM  
Shooting into the ground at a senior center? Sounds like attempted homicide via inducing heart attacks or stokes. Although in light of Obamacare this man would get an award for reducing costs.
 
2014-03-15 07:57:02 PM  

lindalouwho: doglover: Benevolent Misanthrope: doglover: "Captured Fugitive"?

There should be some kind of law against that kind of lie. He turned himself in. He is currently neither fugitive nor captured. "In Custody" is a much better description.

Because police departments are known for their honesty regarding themselves and their arrests

Which is why there should be a federal law mandating I, doglover j gilipollas, get to final approval on the language police can and can't use with relation to their job. Violations of the law would be a federal infraction against the department as a whole leading to potential fines, arrests, or possibly even relocation to Ohio.

*giggles at name*


Well played, sir.
 
2014-03-15 08:01:25 PM  
From the comments: "There was a guy on the list named barry soetoro wanted for impersonating himself as president.."

"impersonating himself"

/not really relevant
//still funny
 
2014-03-15 08:03:29 PM  
He should have hired a private attorney before turning himself in. He's boned.
 
2014-03-15 08:04:43 PM  
THAT'S what it takes to be most wanted in NC?  No rapes or murders that need to be solved?
 
2014-03-15 08:09:30 PM  
That was mighty white of him.
 
2014-03-15 08:16:05 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: doglover: "Captured Fugitive"?

There should be some kind of law against that kind of lie. He turned himself in. He is currently neither fugitive nor captured. "In Custody" is a much better description.

Because police departments are known for their honesty regarding themselves and their arrests


Come on, guilt tripping is a totally legitimate law enforcement technique.  The guy wouldn't have turned himself in  without the shame caused by his appearance on a government web site.  Making that site was proactive police work that resulted in him remaining  at large.

/he should have gotten a lawyer to negotiate his surrender, or shop the scoop to a reporter in exchange for some legal aid.
 
2014-03-15 08:16:33 PM  
I googled myself and found out I died in Washington state and I am also a rapper from New Jersey.

/ yo, yuse, i'm zombie insane, gimme a spray tan and some jersey shore brains
 
2014-03-15 08:16:49 PM  
static.fjcdn.com
 
2014-03-15 08:18:37 PM  
wow, either our cops are really good or criminals have gotten pretty timid.  He didn't even hurt anyone and he's most wanted.
 
2014-03-15 08:20:46 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: doglover: "Captured Fugitive"?

There should be some kind of law against that kind of lie. He turned himself in. He is currently neither fugitive nor captured. "In Custody" is a much better description.

Because police departments are known for their honesty regarding themselves and their arrests


The newspaper article likely leaves out details like when he called the department to turn himself in peacefully, they promptly sent the SWAT team, destroyed the residence he called from and shot the neighbors's dog.
 
2014-03-15 08:20:49 PM  
I don't exist. Even Experian says so.
 
2014-03-15 08:23:07 PM  
My name is wanted in Florida. I haven't been there since 1986, I was 11.
 
2014-03-15 08:27:36 PM  

fusillade762: Unfortunately that's a bit harder to do if your name is John Smith.


img1.wikia.nocookie.net

You rang?
 
2014-03-15 08:34:58 PM  
Dude deserves a hero tag.
 
2014-03-15 08:44:33 PM  

doglover: Benevolent Misanthrope: doglover: "Captured Fugitive"?

There should be some kind of law against that kind of lie. He turned himself in. He is currently neither fugitive nor captured. "In Custody" is a much better description.

Because police departments are known for their honesty regarding themselves and their arrests

Which is why there should be a federal law mandating I, doglover j gilipollas, get to final approval on the language police can and can't use with relation to their job. Violations of the law would be a federal infraction against the department as a whole leading to potential fines, arrests, or possibly even relocation to Ohio.


I live Ohio. Do your worst.
 
2014-03-15 08:45:27 PM  

Mr. Fuzzypaws: My name is wanted in Florida. I haven't been there since 1986, I was 11.


You must have done something really heinous for an 11 year old.

I'm impressed.
 
2014-03-15 08:50:10 PM  

suburbanguy: doglover: Benevolent Misanthrope: doglover: "Captured Fugitive"?

There should be some kind of law against that kind of lie. He turned himself in. He is currently neither fugitive nor captured. "In Custody" is a much better description.

Because police departments are known for their honesty regarding themselves and their arrests

Which is why there should be a federal law mandating I, doglover j gilipollas, get to final approval on the language police can and can't use with relation to their job. Violations of the law would be a federal infraction against the department as a whole leading to potential fines, arrests, or possibly even relocation to Ohio.

I live Ohio. Do your worst.


Oh no, in my metric, you're already a casualty.

We send disobedient police to Ohio to be local cops. It's kind of death sentence, only it can't be commuted because living in Ohio IS the death. It bypasses that pesky appeals process and skips straight to the bad part the minute you get out of your car. And unlike the chair, it can be undone if and when they learn their lesson.
 
2014-03-15 08:52:26 PM  
Is it still "egosurfing" if you Google yourself and find nothing?:D
 
2014-03-15 08:52:45 PM  

fredbox: Benevolent Misanthrope: doglover: "Captured Fugitive"?

There should be some kind of law against that kind of lie. He turned himself in. He is currently neither fugitive nor captured. "In Custody" is a much better description.

Because police departments are known for their honesty regarding themselves and their arrests

The newspaper article likely leaves out details like when he called the department to turn himself in peacefully, they promptly sent the SWAT team, destroyed the residence he called from and shot the neighbors's dog.


Also, the garbage cans were knocked over and the dog got pregnant
 
2014-03-15 08:53:19 PM  

Mr. Fuzzypaws: My name is wanted in Florida. I haven't been there since 1986, I was 11.


You've been a bad, baaaaaad boy.
 
2014-03-15 08:54:35 PM  

Satanic_Hamster: THAT'S what it takes to be most wanted in NC?  No rapes or murders that need to be solved?


Gotta nip it in the bud.


Also, this was California.
 
2014-03-15 09:16:44 PM  
It could be worse.  Last time I googled myself, I found out two things: my last name is apparently French for some kind of weird fetish involving diapers and spaghetti noodles, and also that I apparently spend some time drunk in Paris a while ago.
 
2014-03-15 09:19:42 PM  
Every time I Google myself I'm disappointed that I'm not wanted.  But come to think about it, no one wanted me on Facebook either.  I'm still not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.
 
2014-03-15 09:33:44 PM  
csb time;

So I was once arrested and afterword's the prosecutor decided the charges should be
enhanced to a felony, so he convened a grand jury to do so, (they will in=dite a disappearing hard on)
the county sheriff's best men
were put on the case to find me. I returned home after a 12 hour day to find every single
light in my house on and thought man that is weird, why are the closet lights on?
Next morning 5;30 am, their back, hey doofusss come with us, your charges and bond have
been increased. (How many of you farkers can say that you have been held in lei of  30k?)
I am an honest nice kind of guy - really, so I ask the 11 policemen, the city's finest citizens
why they just didn't pick up the phone and ask me to appear in the court room or jail induction
place. I would have immediately traveled there to address the concerns of my fellow citizens.
I have only hurt one other person in my life and he was a 5'4" German working as my boss
flipping pizza's. I beat his ass to a pulp when he got drunk in my house and damaged my property.
The waitress was so excited she creamed her panties and insisted that I
had evidence of such.

p.s. the charges were brought back to misdemeanor by the judge that heard my case,
I had testified in his court during a land ownership case and I spent about 3k in attorney's
fees with a very good lawyer, a friend of the judge.

/ahh the US, all the justice one can afford
// fark the police
/// crime free going on 10 years, but not satisfied just yet
 
2014-03-15 09:38:17 PM  
Goodness, the fluoride in the drinking water must be working.
 
2014-03-15 09:51:11 PM  
Yeah, I'm believing the whole thing.  I think the whole story was accurately represented here.
 
2014-03-15 10:10:05 PM  

Vlad_the_Inaner: he should have gotten a lawyer to negotiate his surrender, or shop the scoop to a reporter in exchange for some legal aid


THIS.   Never speak to a cop without a lawyer present (other than what is compulsory under the law).   The way things are now even if my house was broken into I'd call my attorney before calling the cops to file a crime report.
 
2014-03-16 12:09:30 AM  

doofusss: csb time;

So I was once arrested and afterword's the prosecutor decided the charges should be
enhanced to a felony, so he convened a grand jury to do so, (they will in=dite a disappearing hard on)
the county sheriff's best men
were put on the case to find me. I returned home after a 12 hour day to find every single
light in my house on and thought man that is weird, why are the closet lights on?
Next morning 5;30 am, their back, hey doofusss come with us, your charges and bond have
been increased. (How many of you farkers can say that you have been held in lei of  30k?)
I am an honest nice kind of guy - really, so I ask the 11 policemen, the city's finest citizens
why they just didn't pick up the phone and ask me to appear in the court room or jail induction
place. I would have immediately traveled there to address the concerns of my fellow citizens.
I have only hurt one other person in my life and he was a 5'4" German working as my boss
flipping pizza's. I beat his ass to a pulp when he got drunk in my house and damaged my property.
The waitress was so excited she creamed her panties and insisted that I
had evidence of such.

p.s. the charges were brought back to misdemeanor by the judge that heard my case,
I had testified in his court during a land ownership case and I spent about 3k in attorney's
fees with a very good lawyer, a friend of the judge.

/ahh the US, all the justice one can afford
// fark the police
/// crime free going on 10 years, but not satisfied just yet


What was the charge?

My guess is Butchering the English Language.

/afterwards
//indict
///they're
////I'll stop at 3...er, 4.
 
2014-03-16 12:57:27 AM  
I used to try to Google myself when I was younger but I'm not flexible enough....
 
2014-03-16 01:50:49 AM  

Vlad_the_Inaner: /he should have gotten a lawyer to negotiate his surrender, or shop the scoop to a reporter in exchange for some legal aid.


i141.photobucket.com
 
2014-03-16 01:51:19 AM  

wildcardjack: Shooting into the ground at a senior center?


I'd describe that as a cemetery.
 
2014-03-16 03:29:59 AM  
Eriond:

/ahh the US, all the justice one can afford
// fark the police
/// crime free going on 10 years, but not satisfied just yet

What was the charge?

My guess is Butchering the English Language.

/afterwards
//indict
///they're
////I'll stop at 3...er, 4.


not looking for raster values, smart ass know it all
 
2014-03-16 03:43:19 AM  

Eriond: doofusss: csb time;

What was the charge?

My guess is Butchering the English Language.

/afterwards
//indict
///they're
////I'll stop at 3...er, 4.

troll sarcastic web comments to enhance physical short Cummings
by appearing as a hard reader ,
are you a short person?

 
2014-03-16 07:34:14 AM  

lindalouwho: doglover: Benevolent Misanthrope: doglover: "Captured Fugitive"?

There should be some kind of law against that kind of lie. He turned himself in. He is currently neither fugitive nor captured. "In Custody" is a much better description.

Because police departments are known for their honesty regarding themselves and their arrests

Which is why there should be a federal law mandating I, doglover j gilipollas, get to final approval on the language police can and can't use with relation to their job. Violations of the law would be a federal infraction against the department as a whole leading to potential fines, arrests, or possibly even relocation to Ohio.

*giggles at name*


Dyslexics find it a little preachy.
 
2014-03-16 07:37:48 AM  

doofusss: csb time;

So I was once arrested and afterword's the prosecutor decided the charges should be
enhanced to a felony, so he convened a grand jury to do so, (they will in=dite a disappearing hard on)
the county sheriff's best men
were put on the case to find me. I returned home after a 12 hour day to find every single
light in my house on and thought man that is weird, why are the closet lights on?
Next morning 5;30 am, their back, hey doofusss come with us, your charges and bond have
been increased. (How many of you farkers can say that you have been held in lei of  30k?)
I am an honest nice kind of guy - really, so I ask the 11 policemen, the city's finest citizens
why they just didn't pick up the phone and ask me to appear in the court room or jail induction
place. I would have immediately traveled there to address the concerns of my fellow citizens.
I have only hurt one other person in my life and he was a 5'4" German working as my boss
flipping pizza's. I beat his ass to a pulp when he got drunk in my house and damaged my property.
The waitress was so excited she creamed her panties and insisted that I
had evidence of such.

p.s. the charges were brought back to misdemeanor by the judge that heard my case,
I had testified in his court during a land ownership case and I spent about 3k in attorney's
fees with a very good lawyer, a friend of the judge.

/ahh the US, all the justice one can afford
// fark the police
/// crime free going on 10 years, but not satisfied just yet


Well I see the antipsychotics aren't working.
 
2014-03-16 10:58:46 AM  

danielscissorhands: Well I see the antipsychotics aren't working.


Ah, so you see them out there on the sidewalk, marching back and forth all day, holding their "NO PSYCHOTICS" placards? Well, they're not working if they're volunteers, but maybe some of them are being paid to do it, so they might indeed be working.
 
2014-03-16 02:45:01 PM  

WelldeadLink: danielscissorhands: Well I see the antipsychotics aren't working.

Ah, so you see them out there on the sidewalk, marching back and forth all day, holding their "NO PSYCHOTICS" placards? Well, they're not working if they're volunteers, but maybe some of them are being paid to do it, so they might indeed be working.


This is one of the best replies to one of my comments that I have ever seen.

I commend you, Sir / Madam !

Will read again!

2 thumbs up!
 
2014-03-16 03:25:08 PM  

doofusss: troll sarcastic web comments to enhance physical short Cummings


i.imgur.com

I   e e   what you did there
 
Displayed 46 of 46 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report