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(The New York Times)   Researchers find new gel prevents HIV in monkeys if rubbed on them immediately after sex. Your job doesn't look so bad now, does it?   (nytimes.com) divider line 24
    More: Interesting  
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951 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Mar 2014 at 7:20 AM (27 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



24 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-03-13 06:59:16 AM
Still not sure if that's worse than porno booth janitor.
 
2014-03-13 07:18:15 AM

fusillade762: Still not sure if that's worse than porno booth janitor.


you mean jizz mopper? just call it what it is.
 
2014-03-13 07:21:28 AM

some_beer_drinker: fusillade762: Still not sure if that's worse than porno booth janitor.

you mean jizz mopper? just call it what it is.


Mopper/scraper
 
2014-03-13 07:33:08 AM
In the twenties there were attempts to cross-breed apes and humans. This means there were folks with the job title/description 'Monkey Farker'
 
GBB
2014-03-13 07:36:48 AM

dionysusaur: In the twenties there were attempts to cross-breed apes and humans. This means there were folks with the job title/description 'Monkey Farker'


Now it's just their hobby.
 
2014-03-13 07:37:59 AM
Great headline.

It could only be better if more of its audience had jobs.....
 
2014-03-13 07:39:54 AM
Sorry, what?

If some guy farked a monkey and then rub some gel on it, it prevents HIV in the monkey?

What about the guy?

http://youtu.be/tnGakbprjgE
 
2014-03-13 07:40:31 AM

dionysusaur: In the twenties there were attempts to cross-breed apes and humans. This means there were folks with the job title/description 'Monkey Farker'


wasn't Monkey farking how we got AIDS in the human species in the first place?
 
2014-03-13 07:42:41 AM
Sorry. I'm more of a monkey spanker than a monkey rubber. And me and my monkey aren't trying to hide that fact.
 
2014-03-13 07:52:51 AM
You know..I've been looking for a career change for quite awhile now. How hard could it be to rub some kind of ointment on a monkey's back?
 
2014-03-13 07:55:32 AM

HindiDiscoMonster: dionysusaur: In the twenties there were attempts to cross-breed apes and humans. This means there were folks with the job title/description 'Monkey Farker'

wasn't Monkey farking how we got AIDS in the human species in the first place?


Relevent Ricky Gervais bit (NSFW language)...

/And, a bonus: The funniest AIDS leaflet in the world (still NSFW language)...
 
2014-03-13 07:57:36 AM
Difficulty: Telling your partner you have HIV right after you've had sex.
 
2014-03-13 07:58:13 AM
Dear Penthouse, I am a long time reader of your letters sections. I really enjoy reading about the adventures your readers have, Never did I think I would be writing you about anything I did.

A few months ago, I was just a young stud working the jungle, looking for love and my next meal. Usually in that order. Then, one day, I spied a nice meal and jumped on it. Faster than Admiral Akbar can say "It's a trap!" I was caught. Well, I wound up in a giant building with a bunch of other monkeys in these little boxes. Oh, we biatched up a storm about it. The only good thing was the three squares we got each day. But I think they were slipping us something, if you get me drift.

There's a chick in the box across from me. In the jungle, she'd be a 2. I'd push her to the lions just to get to a 3. But suddenly, she's looking 7 or 8. I'd do my flex and screech but she knows it's a buyers market here. There must be 10 dudes to every chick. Plus, we're in boxes and can't get none anyways.

Well, that changed. The hairless grease balls grab me one day and put me in a bigger box. I'm about to fling poo all over them when they dump Number Two in there with me. So I do my screech and flex for her and she's starts sending me the A-Okay. Maybe they're slipping her something too. Or maybe I really am a stud.

Back in the jungle, I snuck up on a real 8 while her mate was off looking for food. Banged her for a good 30 seconds and I couldn't walk straight for days. Well, I jumped on Number 2 here and I knew things have changed. Good things. There was screaming, hair pulled and biting. And that was just from me. She was all in to it too. We did the 'hairless monkey planks', the 'Grab the Fruit', and even the 'Monsoon Season Sex Ball'. I couldn't get enough of her and she really couldn't get enough of me.

After at least 30 minutes, there wasn't a spot on me that wasn't bit. pulled or drained. It was so good I was going to move in for a cuddle. You know. Just to tell her that it was okay and if she wanted to rest up, I wouldn't be opposed to doing it to her again in an hour. But the hairless basterds grabbed me and started rubbing crap all over my important monkey parts. Then, I got dumped back in my box. Number Two got the same treatment and dumped in to her box. Bummer.

Now, the sex with Number Two was pretty good. But I gotta tell you. You aint lived until some hairless jerk rubs gel all over your monkey privates. I'll crank one off in the corner if it means another dose of nice warm gel rubbed all over by a hairless perv. I promise I won't try and bite them or nuttin. You may think I'm a sicko but, brother, getting the gel treatment is better than wild monkey sex!
 
2014-03-13 08:08:47 AM

Harry Freakstorm: Dear Penthouse, I am a long time reader of your letters sections. I really enjoy reading about the adventures your readers have, Never did I think I would be writing you about anything I did.

A few months ago, I was just a young stud working the jungle, looking for love and my next meal. Usually in that order. Then, one day, I spied a nice meal and jumped on it. Faster than Admiral Akbar can say "It's a trap!" I was caught. Well, I wound up in a giant building with a bunch of other monkeys in these little boxes. Oh, we biatched up a storm about it. The only good thing was the three squares we got each day. But I think they were slipping us something, if you get me drift.

There's a chick in the box across from me. In the jungle, she'd be a 2. I'd push her to the lions just to get to a 3. But suddenly, she's looking 7 or 8. I'd do my flex and screech but she knows it's a buyers market here. There must be 10 dudes to every chick. Plus, we're in boxes and can't get none anyways.

Well, that changed. The hairless grease balls grab me one day and put me in a bigger box. I'm about to fling poo all over them when they dump Number Two in there with me. So I do my screech and flex for her and she's starts sending me the A-Okay. Maybe they're slipping her something too. Or maybe I really am a stud.

Back in the jungle, I snuck up on a real 8 while her mate was off looking for food. Banged her for a good 30 seconds and I couldn't walk straight for days. Well, I jumped on Number 2 here and I knew things have changed. Good things. There was screaming, hair pulled and biting. And that was just from me. She was all in to it too. We did the 'hairless monkey planks', the 'Grab the Fruit', and even the 'Monsoon Season Sex Ball'. I couldn't get enough of her and she really couldn't get enough of me.

After at least 30 minutes, there wasn't a spot on me that wasn't bit. pulled or drained. It was so good I was going to move in for a cuddle. You know. Just to tell her that it was okay and if she wanted to rest up, I wouldn't be opposed to doing it to her again in an hour. But the hairless basterds grabbed me and started rubbing crap all over my important monkey parts. Then, I got dumped back in my box. Number Two got the same treatment and dumped in to her box. Bummer.

Now, the sex with Number Two was pretty good. But I gotta tell you. You aint lived until some hairless jerk rubs gel all over your monkey privates. I'll crank one off in the corner if it means another dose of nice warm gel rubbed all over by a hairless perv. I promise I won't try and bite them or nuttin. You may think I'm a sicko but, brother, getting the gel treatment is better than wild monkey sex!


Your newsletter, i would like to subscribe to it,
 
2014-03-13 08:09:12 AM
Once I'm done farking the monkey why would I care if she gets AIDS? I'm never going back to that part of the jungle.
 
2014-03-13 08:11:20 AM

Harry Freakstorm: Dear Penthouse, I am a long time reader of your letters sections. I really enjoy reading about the adventures your readers have, Never did I think I would be writing you about anything I did.

A few months ago, I was just a young stud working the jungle, looking for love and my next meal. Usually in that order. Then, one day, I spied a nice meal and jumped on it. Faster than Admiral Akbar can say "It's a trap!" I was caught. Well, I wound up in a giant building with a bunch of other monkeys in these little boxes. Oh, we biatched up a storm about it. The only good thing was the three squares we got each day. But I think they were slipping us something, if you get me drift.

There's a chick in the box across from me. In the jungle, she'd be a 2. I'd push her to the lions just to get to a 3. But suddenly, she's looking 7 or 8. I'd do my flex and screech but she knows it's a buyers market here. There must be 10 dudes to every chick. Plus, we're in boxes and can't get none anyways.

Well, that changed. The hairless grease balls grab me one day and put me in a bigger box. I'm about to fling poo all over them when they dump Number Two in there with me. So I do my screech and flex for her and she's starts sending me the A-Okay. Maybe they're slipping her something too. Or maybe I really am a stud.

Back in the jungle, I snuck up on a real 8 while her mate was off looking for food. Banged her for a good 30 seconds and I couldn't walk straight for days. Well, I jumped on Number 2 here and I knew things have changed. Good things. There was screaming, hair pulled and biting. And that was just from me. She was all in to it too. We did the 'hairless monkey planks', the 'Grab the Fruit', and even the 'Monsoon Season Sex Ball'. I couldn't get enough of her and she really couldn't get enough of me.

After at least 30 minutes, there wasn't a spot on me that wasn't bit. pulled or drained. It was so good I was going to move in for a cuddle. You know. Just to tell her that it was okay and if she wanted to rest up, I wouldn't be opposed to doing it to her again in an hour. But the hairless basterds grabbed me and started rubbing crap all over my important monkey parts. Then, I got dumped back in my box. Number Two got the same treatment and dumped in to her box. Bummer.

Now, the sex with Number Two was pretty good. But I gotta tell you. You aint lived until some hairless jerk rubs gel all over your monkey privates. I'll crank one off in the corner if it means another dose of nice warm gel rubbed all over by a hairless perv. I promise I won't try and bite them or nuttin. You may think I'm a sicko but, brother, getting the gel treatment is better than wild monkey sex!


And that's why you're farkied as "creatively entertaining".

*giggle*
 
2014-03-13 08:11:41 AM
Yes, because impoverished African women could afford antiviral meds, the priciest of the pricey.
 
2014-03-13 08:22:39 AM
Honestly, I would gladly give monkeys a post-coital rubdown if it meant I could avoid my conference call with the Clueless Client Brigade this morning.

I'm not joking.
 
2014-03-13 08:53:19 AM
Great headline
 
2014-03-13 09:42:17 AM
"You have AIDS?! I thought you said 'pull down the shades' "

/old joke
 
2014-03-13 10:55:41 AM

Whole Wheat: Yes, because impoverished African women could afford antiviral meds, the priciest of the pricey.


Most African govts provide anti retrovirals free for their citizens.

Drug companies provide them at a massive discount.

/there's a pic of me somewhere with Lusaka's "anti retroviralman" statue.
 
2014-03-13 11:46:40 AM

TheShavingofOccam123: Sorry. I'm more of a monkey spanker than a monkey rubber. And me and my monkey aren't trying to hide that fact.

Everybody's got something to hide except for me and my monkey.
 
2014-03-13 12:40:01 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2014-03-13 01:51:35 PM

dionysusaur: In the twenties there were attempts to cross-breed apes and humans. This means there were folks with the job title/description 'Monkey Farker'


Admit it, you wish you could sign up. On a more serious note, I recall they didn't actually engage in penetrative sex with apes, they used early IVF methods.
 
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