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(Daily Mail)   Good luck, Farkers. You're only five partners away from true love   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 59
    More: Interesting, Rich Peverley, Camille Grammer, stray, character traits, sexual partner  
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3805 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Mar 2014 at 10:30 AM (27 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-03-12 09:48:46 AM
Reached your fifth sexual partner? Then stop! Five is the magic number for finding Mr or Miss Right

I was a sophomore in high school, for crying out loud.
 
2014-03-12 09:51:52 AM
Then soon after that...

img.fark.net

Mawwage.
 
2014-03-12 10:00:41 AM
Some 26 per cent of men believe that a successful relationship needs to involve good sex in order to succeed where as only 13 per cent of women believe this to be true.


What is this? I don't even...
 
2014-03-12 10:02:00 AM

Sybarite: Some 26 per cent of men believe that a successful relationship needs to involve good sex in order to succeed where as only 13 per cent of women believe this to be true.


What is this? I don't even...


Seriously. That does not compute.
 
2014-03-12 10:18:26 AM
Um, took me a few more
 
2014-03-12 10:31:10 AM
Huh... I have no idea who #5 was (I'm sure I could figure it out if I wrote out my life) but... I'd have been in my early 20s and there is nobody I dated back then that I'd want to be my partner for life.

Also, I'm pretty sure most of us really need sexual compatibility - and far more than 13% of women. Something is really off in this "study."
 
2014-03-12 10:35:43 AM
Married my HS sweetheart who was the second girl I ever dated 12 years ago, and still madly in love. I guess I'm what you call an outlier.
 
2014-03-12 10:36:31 AM
Seeing as I'm a single 39 year old with only one past partner, I've only got until I turn 195 before I find the "one". Yeehaw.
 
2014-03-12 10:37:41 AM
I'm pretty sure #4 was it and I left him after two years of his depression due to being underemployed. Crap crap crap crap. Still kicking myself.
 
2014-03-12 10:38:14 AM
I guess that means I have had true love about 10 times. I wonder which ones those were.
 
2014-03-12 10:41:01 AM
Alternate Headline:  Daily Fail finds new and exciting way to fail.
 
2014-03-12 10:42:29 AM
Huh. In that case, I would have been 17, a couple months after getting the cherry popped. I went all Super Slut. Good times, man.
 
2014-03-12 10:44:04 AM

unfarkingbelievable: Huh. In that case, I would have been 17, a couple months after getting the cherry popped. I went all Super Slut. Good times, man.


That sound you just heard was your profile exploding...
 
2014-03-12 10:45:09 AM
Reached your fifth sexual partner? Then stop!

Yeah, you're right.  It's lunchtime, after all.

I start on six this afternoon.
 
2014-03-12 10:47:14 AM
What If I can't remember my 5th sexual partner? that was like 1988
 
2014-03-12 10:47:44 AM

a_room_with_a_moose: unfarkingbelievable: Huh. In that case, I would have been 17, a couple months after getting the cherry popped. I went all Super Slut. Good times, man.

That sound you just heard was your profile exploding...


No, that wasn't her profile exploding. It was my hot love juice.

/seriously, number five was early on in college
//if I'd married her, she probably would have made me live near her parents in the Midwest where she lives now
///IN THE GODDAMN MIDWEST!
////so I feel pretty fortunate
 
2014-03-12 10:48:55 AM
#5 was an emotionally manipulative, profoundly farked up immature harridan.  There was no way in hell I was gonna shackle myself to her trainwreck of a family.

True love was #8, and then my career (such as it is) pulled us apart.

/sometimes I thing Joss Whedon is the screenwriter of my life
//only with far fewer completely random horrific deaths
 
2014-03-12 10:49:59 AM

unfarkingbelievable: Huh. In that case, I would have been 17, a couple months after getting the cherry popped. I went all Super Slut. Good times, man.


Favorite.
 
2014-03-12 10:50:32 AM
On my third, and she's the one for me. I don't care that she staples my socks to the car every once and a while, she's the one I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with!
 
2014-03-12 10:51:13 AM

Bondith: #5 was an emotionally manipulative, profoundly farked up immature harridan.  There was no way in hell I was gonna shackle myself to her trainwreck of a family.

True love was #8, and then my career (such as it is) pulled us apart.

/sometimes I thing Joss Whedon is the screenwriter of my life
//only with far fewer completely random horrific deaths


Your career at the double meat palace?, I'm not sure it's his fault.
 
2014-03-12 10:52:10 AM
The "magic formula" is hilarious.
 
2014-03-12 10:52:13 AM
OK.  I bothered to calculate my magic number with the formula that was in TFA.

How can "age of people" not be a factor.

I'm happily married, but if my magic number is right, I will live to be at least 115.
 
2014-03-12 10:53:14 AM

Bondith: #5 was an emotionally manipulative, profoundly farked up immature harridan.  There was no way in hell I was gonna shackle myself to her trainwreck of a family.

True love was #8, and then my career (such as it is) pulled us apart.

/sometimes I thing Joss Whedon is the screenwriter of my life
//only with far fewer completely random horrific deaths


And now I'm curious to hear about numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 6 and 7....
 
2014-03-12 10:53:34 AM

Bondith: harridan



Thanks for teaching me a new word today.
 
2014-03-12 10:55:37 AM
Wow, it's going to be hard to break to my wife and kids that I have to leave them to keep looking for my soul mate.
 
2014-03-12 10:56:52 AM

cgraves67: Wow, it's going to be hard to break to my wife and kids that I have to leave them to keep looking for my soul mate.


It's for the best, I suggest you kill them first that will make it easier.

/Also HEADLINE!
 
2014-03-12 10:58:43 AM
According to this pattern, I should have found true love three times and be working my way towards a fourth. That turns out to not be the case.

*sigh*
 
2014-03-12 11:02:42 AM
This makes no farking sense. Another Cosmo type article.
I would have been 15 and couldn't even legally get married.

What the...I don't even..
 
2014-03-12 11:07:19 AM

albatros183: Bondith: #5 was an emotionally manipulative, profoundly farked up immature harridan.  There was no way in hell I was gonna shackle myself to her trainwreck of a family.

True love was #8, and then my career (such as it is) pulled us apart.

/sometimes I thing Joss Whedon is the screenwriter of my life
//only with far fewer completely random horrific deaths

Your career at the double meat palace?, I'm not sure it's his fault.


My hat has a cow on it.

Ishidan: And now I'm curious to hear about numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 6 and 7....


#1: Got caught in a spiral of depression and cut me loose so she wouldn't drag me down, then toyed with my affections and expectations.  In hindsight, not as horrible a person as I thought (see below).
#2: Just not right for each other.  Amicable breakup.  Also, we discovered that Ford Tempos are not very spacious cars (had to clean her footprints off the back window)
#3: Also not right for each other.  I treated her like crap, but for some reason she forgave me.  She deserved better.
#4: Random hookup off Lavalife.  I charmed the pants off her (and I have no idea how I did it).  I suspect I may be have been her conquest.  Got to third base in the laser lab.  Two months later I had mono.
#5: Never date students.
#6: A friend of mine promoted me to Friend With Benefits.  Still my closest confidante.
#7: Raving psychopath.  There are relationship threads from early 2011 where I complain bitterly about her.
#8: Goddamit.
#6b: Encore performance with FWB.  Oddly enough, she didn't care to be called my Grover Cleveland.
 
2014-03-12 11:09:23 AM
Only 13% of women believe that a successful relationship needs good sex? That percentage seems extraordinarily low.  Maybe only 13% are getting good sex.
 
2014-03-12 11:09:38 AM

FarkingReading: Bondith: harridan


Thanks for teaching me a new word today.


I taught the lady at the coffee shop "copious" the other day.  She guessed it meant the opposite of what it really means.

Taught someone on Twitter "deviltry" too.

/Dictionary Man
//Doin' the things a dictionary can
 
2014-03-12 11:10:41 AM

Bondith: harridan


Never heard that word.  Gonna use it a lot from now on.
 
2014-03-12 11:12:44 AM
Fifth sexual partner?  But I only have 2 hands...wtf!?
 
2014-03-12 11:13:01 AM
Well, according to their math, my wife and I are going to be married for 110 years.  My wife is my 6th, I think, depending on your definition of sex.
 
2014-03-12 11:21:54 AM

Sybarite: Some 26 per cent of men believe that a successful relationship needs to involve good sex in order to succeed where as only 13 per cent of women believe this to be true.


What is this? I don't even...


Let me ask you this: your male best friend, do you need sex with them for your (strictly platonic) relationship to "succeed"?  It's like that, except these peoples' friends are also sometimes the mothers of their children, someone who helps them earn an a living.  They've gotten past where in their life where sex is their biggest measure of success, and their children are.
 
2014-03-12 11:22:12 AM
Hmm. Yeah I was 14 and a total slut. Not sure why... My parents were very nice and attentive and I had a great childhood... Honestly don't know why I'm such a whore.

So... Can I change the rules? How about 5th this month?
 
2014-03-12 11:22:40 AM
This article was written by a crazy person for other crazy people.
 
2014-03-12 11:24:56 AM

unfarkingbelievable: Huh. In that case, I would have been 17, a couple months after getting the cherry popped. I went all Super Slut. Good times, man.


Ah yes. The Pringles Principle: once you pop you just can't stop... For about a year
 
2014-03-12 11:33:56 AM
My fifth was married to someone else.
 
2014-03-12 11:36:55 AM

poison_amy: Hmm. Yeah I was 14 and a total slut. Not sure why... My parents were very nice and attentive and I had a great childhood... Honestly don't know why I'm such a whore.

So... Can I change the rules? How about 5th this month?


If I was a woman, I'd be a bigger whore than you are. Go get yours!
 
2014-03-12 11:37:19 AM

poison_amy: Hmm. Yeah I was 14 and a total slut. Not sure why... My parents were very nice and attentive and I had a great childhood... Honestly don't know why I'm such a whore.

So... Can I change the rules? How about 5th this month?


Uh...well, hello there.
 
2014-03-12 11:42:03 AM

poison_amy: Honestly don't know why I'm such a whore.


Do you take precautions?  Does everyone involved have a good time?  Are you doing it because you want to and not because you're pressured into it?

If the answer to all of the above is yes, enjoy yourself and don't worry about what some sexless prudes may think of you.
 
2014-03-12 11:48:51 AM

Bondith: poison_amy: Honestly don't know why I'm such a whore.

Do you take precautions?  Does everyone involved have a good time?  Are you doing it because you want to and not because you're pressured into it?

If the answer to all of the above is yes, enjoy yourself and don't worry about what some sexless prudes may think of you.


I agree.  And feel free to be detailed when answering those questions (giggity).
 
2014-03-12 11:54:25 AM

Bondith: poison_amy: Honestly don't know why I'm such a whore.

Do you take precautions?  Does everyone involved have a good time?  Are you doing it because you want to and not because you're pressured into it?

If the answer to all of the above is yes, enjoy yourself and don't worry about what some sexless prudes may think of you.


Yes....yes.... YEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!

ha. Orgasm humor.
 
2014-03-12 12:09:57 PM

poison_amy: Bondith: poison_amy: Honestly don't know why I'm such a whore.

Do you take precautions?  Does everyone involved have a good time?  Are you doing it because you want to and not because you're pressured into it?

If the answer to all of the above is yes, enjoy yourself and don't worry about what some sexless prudes may think of you.

Yes....yes.... YEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!

ha. Orgasm humor.


You're certainly...gushing...with enthusiasm.
 
2014-03-12 12:16:59 PM
It does amaze me when people have more partners in a month (week?) than I've had in my 40 odd years.

It doesn't disgust me, but it does amaze me.

#1:  1990-1995
#2:  1995-1997
#3:  1997-1998
#4:  1998
#3b: 1998-1999
#2b:  1999-Present

If I am going to try to keep this symmetrical, do I have to aim for a #1b at some point?
 
2014-03-12 12:21:39 PM

Coconice: It does amaze me when people have more partners in a month (week?) than I've had in my 40 odd years.

It doesn't disgust me, but it does amaze me.

#1:  1990-1995
#2:  1995-1997
#3:  1997-1998
#4:  1998
#3b: 1998-1999
#2b:  1999-Present

If I am going to try to keep this symmetrical, do I have to aim for a #1b at some point?


I think at this point you're required to.
 
2014-03-12 12:52:15 PM

Coconice: It does amaze me when people have more partners in a month (week?) than I've had in my 40 odd years.

It doesn't disgust me, but it does amaze me.

#1:  1990-1995
#2:  1995-1997
#3:  1997-1998
#4:  1998
#3b: 1998-1999
#2b:  1999-Present

If I am going to try to keep this symmetrical, do I have to aim for a #1b at some point?


It's not that amazing.  If you're the kind of person that prioritizes sex over being with someone you can enjoy spending your time with, singles bars/clubs + hit on everything that moves + keeping yourself looking good is all it takes.  I just personally don't think that'd lead me to a very satisfying life, so I don't.
 
2014-03-12 12:59:27 PM
Whoops I tripled that...there was a true love somewhere in there? Damn.
 
2014-03-12 01:21:03 PM

Jadedgrl: Whoops I tripled that...there was a true love somewhere in there? Damn.


I just read your bio...I don't think I've seen anyone more qualified to be on Fark.  lol.
 
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